 Well hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com And I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic, Why Men Come Running When You Lean Back. Now really quickly before we get started, if you're new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button and hit that bell so you get notified of new content. Okay, let's talk about those 50, wait, 50% Is it 50% or is it 50% of men Who keep who come running when you lean back. Okay, so now I know many of you have heard this term Leaning back you should lean back you should be in your feminine power And you should lean back when a man feels distant when a man goes when a man runs away when when he pulls away When he gets scared all these things is you've been so told by so many coaches to Lean back because by leaning back he's gonna rush in to come see you He's gonna come running in to see you or to be with you because you've leaned back You've created that space you've created that space to make him want to miss you because there's this fantasy that When we miss someone we fall in love with them and I'm here to say Ugh, that's such a crock of shit. We don't fall in love when we miss you In fact, I've shot a video about then one of the myths about How men fall in love and the whole concept and missing but I want to lean in to this conversation of leaning back now On some level leaning back makes sense if you're a woman who comes who puts in way more Effort than the man puts in effort then it's important to come back to the 50 So I want you to think of like a football field. I'm a man. I'm gonna think football terminology I know thankfully a lot of women love football is There's two goalposts and in the center is the 50 yard line and If you guys are right at the 50 yard line, you're right there together That's the perfect place to be but if he's over here and you're always coming here that you've passed the 50 yard line Then I do recommend leaning back to the 50 yard line of effort in other words effort should be mutual It should be in other words fluid if he puts an effort you put an effort if you put an effort He puts an effort into the relationship. You're investing Equally at the 50 yard line a relationship So there is some value from this understanding of leaning back is from the perspective of if you've given too much to come Back to center great advice love that However, many of you have been conditioned that this leaning back is going to make him come towards you and That's true for 50% of the men who have a needy Anxious needy attachment style. Okay, actually even avoidant attachment styles will do this because here's the problem when you've leaned back Internally he feels abandoned it's going to trigger a lot of his potential abandonment issues and He may rush to come get you, but it's not from a healthy place It's not from a healthy place That's why that advice is so bad because all he's doing is reacting to your abandonment And he's gonna come forward and try to get you so he's gonna go past the 50 yard line to come get you And as soon as he does he's gonna go back to his old behavior This isn't a healthy way to initiate a really successful Healthy relationship. In fact, if you're not familiar with the book Attached the book attached it talks about love attachment and love attachment are both Anxious attachment styles and avoidant attachment styles. It's how we attach ourselves to another human being So I highly recommend you understand how this read this book and understand that this lean back concept might get him running back to get you But it's coming from that place of fear inside of him not fear of and the fear of abandon Not because he values you Think about that Wow, wait pause He's running back because you've triggered his abandonment issues and he's coming back to get love from mom or dad Which he didn't get as a child or is he running back because he realizes he loves you. Let's be real That's not happening And the fact is if you have to lean back as a manipulation method to get him to come forward it's already a dysfunctional relationship and I'm here to say ladies and I know you're not gonna like what I'm about to say but I Think 97% of people are just fucked up myself included. It's just a matter of degrees We have some people on the incredibly Emotionally unhealthy realm those narcissists those sociopaths those bipolar and and borderline personalities Men and women alike. Okay, and no disrespect to them I'm just saying they're deeply troubled and makes them difficult to be in relationship Then you have those all the way at the other end of the spectrum that are relatively secure They've healed their childhood wounds and traumas. They've recognized that they take personal responsibility for their choices in their own life So do you see where I'm going with all this is every most everyone is in the middle and a lot of dating advice is designed to trigger the unhealthy emotions with us that comes us running back Because we're in fear and not because we're deeply in love And I'm here to say that everyone has to begin by falling in love with themselves first Hence why I wrote my book what the heck is self-love anyway. I wrote this book because When a healthy person or at least someone who's healing and is working on emotional healthiness is Meeting someone else that's emotionally healthy Emotionally mature they have a better chance of being a relationship So you don't have to play these leaning back games to get him running towards you Because he's only running towards you because he got triggered by abandonment issues most likely And that's not meaning and you're gonna go through this dysfunction over and over and over again This is why it's so imperative that you this is why I'm a big proponent My book talks about it is beginning a daily practice of personal development self-help and spiritual work So you become confident in your sovereignty you retain your power Because what I've witnessed with so many women you give your power away to a guy You you basically you a you're in it's incumbent upon him for him It's incumbent upon him to love you for you to feel good about yourself And the minute he has doubt uncertainty fear And god forbid he projects that on to you his doubts fears and uncertainty It's going to create a whole chaotic mess Just understanding i'm just here to talk about the leaning back advice It's designed for you to come back to center And it's not a manipulation technique to get him coming back Okay, and quite frankly it's really designed for you to lean into your own self love your own empowerment Don't give your power away lean back into your own power Because when you're in your own power Then you should attract a person that's also in their own power And you may not be able to fix the guy that's got attachment issues But you can certainly move on to a more healthier relationship once you begin on loving on yourself And that's my invitation for you today Okay All right. I'm sure you have a lot of questions. I'm sure some of you are even going to argue Please post a comment. I want to hear about it. Ask a question. I read almost every comment I do my best to respond. So feel free to get a conversation going And if you feel like this had value for you and you'd like a little more of a personal touch Hit the button below to learn about private coaching to schedule a one-on-one discovery call with me All right. I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do first starting off by giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan Bear hug. I'm going to invite you to give yourself a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug I'm going to ask you to turn to the person next to you and give them a big gigantic bear hug because guess what? Hugs are a great source of love and we can always use a lot more love in our lives And that's my request of you today Thank you so much and wishing you a super duper wonderful fantastic day. Thanks. Bye. Bye now