 Hey, it's Bridget. Welcome to Sunday Morning Coffee with Bridget. I'm recording outside in nature, so there will be some natural sounds you might hear. You might hear my feet on the tarred path I'm walking on. The wind as it rustles through the trees, or when I get to the clearing, you might hear a lot more wind. We'll see how this goes. But I got an idea. Guilty pleasure is the topic today. And it comes from this query I have about pleasuring, allowing ourselves to have pleasure through pain. Because guilt is a powerful sword and shield. It's actually more like a leash, a way to control us. If I think about it actually in my mind's eye of understanding and my brain about guilt. It's a powerful emotion that tends to control. And what better part of ourselves to connect with that. But our mind, the ego mind, control. And the control and tension is to keep us safe. However, when it comes to pleasure, the concept of guilty pleasure assumes that there is a badness about it or a wrongness or a judgment about the actual point of pleasure in and out of itself. Right? So some people might say, oh, chocolate isn't my guilty pleasure. Or a TV show that they binge watch that they think other people would not approve of. Maybe the Kardashian or something like that. I'm just saying I don't know. I'm not saying me. I'm just saying maybe somebody. Then perhaps you wouldn't want other people to know about that because they might judge you or feel differently about you. Right? Maybe. But this leads into this concept of this query. I was thinking about how we connect pain to pleasure. What is up with that? Is it really the relief that we want? Or is it this piece of how pleasure isn't something that we should want? Like isn't life supposed to be hard? Aren't you supposed to get what you work for? Isn't it about hard work and hustle, hustle and no pain, no gain? So is it that we make pleasure guilty so that we can actually participate in receiving a pleasure? Something enjoyable? Okay, so we have to define both of these words guilty and pleasure. Guilty is kind of like this emotion, like I mentioned, from the mind. That the mind steps into and uses it as a tool to control us. It usually comes from blame, a feeling of wrongness, connected to some kind of value exchange or self-worth, some lack, the opposite of abundance. Okay, that's what guilty is. Oftentimes a feeling or judgment connected to a judgment from the brain. A thought or value system that's probably just outdated, quite honestly. So guilt. Alright, and we can feel guilt about good stuff and bad stuff. Let's be clear. So when we connect to the energy of pleasure, what is that about? Desire. Wants. Things that you think aren't practical, maybe, or rational or realistic. Like a busy mom who wants time for herself. When her kids are little, for example, something like that. Take it to the extreme where, oh my God, imagine. Imagine how dare she focus on the energy of herself over her children. Because there's this assumption that, of course, if she's taking care of herself and her needs and self-care and self-love and all that, then clearly she is being neglectful of her kids, for example. That's an old-school mentality. That's like an old, outdated kind of program, thought process. It probably comes from somebody else who was angry and upset in your lifeline, in your lineage, about not being able to get their own needs met, which is understandable. I'd be upset too if my needs aren't met, right? And yet, who's responsible for that? We want autonomous, sovereign, independent expressions for ourselves. Then we got to start acting like that. We do have to start taking care of ourselves in our total alignment. Come into your thunder point, give yourself the connection. What is pleasurable? What is pleasuring to you? And most often it's something so tiny, subtle, sweet, easy to work into your day-to-day life. Easy to connect to and understand. And just let it bring you pure joy or enjoyment in a moment. Usually pleasure is momentary. It's not constant. This is how we can identify it as something really good, right? That brings me into a place where then I can use that as fuel, rocket power, jet fuel, do other things and just show up in other ways in my relationships and my life as old. So instead of having pleasure feel guilty, we should encourage it because we would be more productive, more efficient. Everyone would be happier. But yet we vilify it and feel guilty about it. Because it says though we only have two choices, this or that, ourselves or others, the two choices you have are you or other people. You are other people. So when you choose you that's identifying or connecting with your needs or wants, pleasure, potentially, in its ecstatic form. So of course you'd feel guilty. You'd feel bad about that. Choosing yourself is a guilty pleasure. Let's be honest, isn't it? Yes it is. Yes it is. What if guilt is connected to loss? A lack of ability control. What if guilt as an emotion comes from a fear of the unknown? What if guilt is connected to the need to have certainty to be sure, to feel grounded, centered and connected? What if guilt is kind of trying to take a place of something like that, like a feeling of security or stability, whether it be through a job or relationship or diet plan or wellness plan, whatever it might be for you. Guilt as a weapon, that's for sure. It can be used as that. Your mind often uses it to control you. Other people often use it to invoke by sharing their memories of things you've done wrong in the past or not done quite good enough to their standards, can use it to make you feel bad so that then you do something different in the moment. The reason for bringing up that memory or experience or old argument, etc. is to make you feel bad to get you to do something very specific. Maybe just to evoke a feeling within you that would then give to them the ability to have more of your attention for their personal needs to be met. And that would be over your own and the energy of using guilt. Moms use guilt all the time, all the time. Grammas use it, parents use it. Parents are notorious for using guilt. I've used it and I'll say it out loud. Guilt is a powerful feeling, isn't it? It's a great weapon, right? I'm going to pull up the guilt card. I'm going to play the guilt card. It would be really nice if you'd be here. And it's so bad when it's really like passive aggressive guilt weaponized. Because then it's kind of toxic, sneaky. I'm going to sneak some of these laxatives into your dessert. Sneaky. Oh my God, that's a horrible example Bridget. I know, but I'm thinking about picnics because it is summertime now and I love summer. Should I feel guilty about loving summer? Does that mean I hate winter? No. I'm putting a preference of one season over the other. Yes. I should not feel guilty about that. What's up with that? Hey, lots of capacity for love, right? We all have it. You're not actually choosing one or the other. You can choose both. You can choose yourself and others' needs as well. Maybe not in the exact moment. Maybe that's why I feel so like black and white or right or wrong. Because in a moment sometimes it can look a little, you know, you over them. But I'm going to encourage you to try to open your mind and your heart to get them to work together a little bit more. Negotiate some kind of a peace treaty here. Cut yourself some slack. It's not about lack. It's not about lack. You deserve pleasure. You deserve enjoyment. You deserve joy. You deserve opportunities in the moments to incorporate the connection to pleasure in your life without feeling guilty. So release, my friends, release the connection between guilt and pleasure. And perhaps then together we can be more connected, more happy and more soulful. This is Bridget. Thanks so much for listening.