 Good health to all, from Rexall. It's the Bill Harris Alice May Show presented by the makers of Rexall drug products and 10,000 independent Rexall family drugists. Good evening. This is your Rexall family drugist feeling awfully embarrassed this evening. We hoped you'd like our one cent sale that ended yesterday. We were pretty sure we had some fine values. But we just weren't prepared for the way you flocked into Rexall drug stores all over the country. Long before the Rexall one cent sale was over, lots of us were completely sold out of some items. That meant a good many of you missed getting some of the Rexall bargains you'd counted on. We're mighty sorry you were disappointed. We figured we'd put in enough stock to take care of everyone. I guess those one cent sale bargains were even better than we thought. When we have another Rexall one cent sale, you'll all be taken care of, we promise you. And meanwhile, our sincerest thanks to all for making this the greatest one cent sale in Rexall history. Good health to all, from Rexall. And now your Rexall family drugist brings you the Bill Harris Alice May Show. Written by Ray Singer and Dick Chevrolet, with Elliot Lewis, Walter Tetley, Robert North, Janine Roos, and Whitfield, Walter Sharpe in his music, yours truly Bill Foreman, and starring Alice May and Bill Harris. Mr. Scott, the sponsor, is having a big formal party at his home in honor of the Harris's. Although it's still early in the afternoon, Phil and Alice are busy preparing for it. Phil, please put down that magazine and get started. You have a lot of things to do. But Alice, I gotta read Esquire to make sure I'm dressed right for the night. Now let's see. It says, with a midnight blue tuxedo, it is considered proper to wear a moron tie. That's moron! I think it's wonderful of the sponsor to have this party in our honor. I'm thrilled. I'm suspicious. What could his motive be? What are you suspicious about? I think Mr. Scott's being very nice. He's being too nice. Whenever a boss is too nice, too you watch out. It's the kiss of death. You know, Phil, he could be throwing this party for you because he likes you. Don't be silly. What's there to like about me? There must be a method in his madness, and I... Did I say what's there to like about me? Well, why don't you stop me when I say so? Another thing. Why is it a formal party? Mr. Scott has a position to maintain, and that's the way he does things. Well, our old sponsor wasn't that formal. We never had to wear a tuxedo and evening gown when we went to Mr. Fitch's house. All we had to do was buy a bottle of shampoo, lather our heads, and go! Mr. Scott is going out of his way to be nice to you, and you don't even appreciate it. Well, maybe you're right. I shouldn't have such a suspicious nature. I've been hanging around Remly so much I don't trust anybody. I guess it's just this dressing up that bothers me. I hate going formal. I know, honey, but women like to go formal. I love to get dressed up. Wow. With you, it's different. When you wear a formal gown, you look more beautiful than ever. When you put on a tuxedo, you look handsomer than ever. No, no. No, I must differ with you on that score. In my case, I don't need anything. What makes you think you don't? Well, let's face it, Alicia. Do you have to put a market in a crystal vase to show off its beauty? Or a Van Gogh in a gaudy frame? Look, honey, no matter what you wear, you're still going to be the prettiest one there. And if you wear that blue evening gown, the one I like so much, you're going to be absolutely right. I think this package just arrived for you. What's in it, Mommy? Open it up. Let's see. Well, not now, honey. It's not important. It's just a little something I need to party tonight. What kind of a party is it going to be? Oh, it's a very formal affair. The nicest people in town are going to be there. Mr. and Mrs. Scott, a few Rexall vice presidents, some of our social leaders, the mayor... And Uncle Frankie. Frankie's been invited? Yeah, they slipped him in for contrast. You know, it'll break up the monotony of nice people. Well, Frankie says he's going to bring a girl. Oh, no. Phil, Frankie doesn't know any girls who would fit in with this crowd. Frankie does so. He's bringing a debutante. Now, where would Frankie meet a debutante? They met at a big society party. He was what she had to bring back on one of them scavenger hunts. Who noisy, and he talks so much. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Frankie knows his place. He's neither loud nor loquacious. Loquacious? Oh, Benita Ronnie was never this clever. Loquacious? Oh, you dove you. Look, honey, oh, I'll answer that. Girls, come here. While Daddy's gone, I want to show you what's in this box. Gee, I can't wait to see it, Mommy. What is it? There. How do you like my new evening gown? Oh, Mommy, it's beautiful. That's such pretty colors. Yeah. It's brown lace over yellow taffeta. Now, look, girls, your Daddy doesn't know I bought this, and I want to surprise him tonight, so don't say anything to him. I'll bet Daddy'll love it when he sees it. Oh, if he does, he won't admit it, but I'll be able to tell him the way he loves. Your lips tell me, but there's yes, yes, in your eyes you're kissing, just because I wasn't wide off my sleeves. Put my new dress in the closet before your Daddy sees it. I have to go to the hairdressers and remember, girls, not a word to your Daddy about this dress. Okay. I'm leaving now. By the way, who called before? Oh, that was your brother, Willie. What did he want? Well, he wanted to know if he should come over today, and I told him that he don't fit in the show this week, so he said, oh, fiddle sticks and hung up. That's language. I won't get long till bye. Bye, honey. Better start getting ready for the party tonight. It's for Rex all, so I better look healthy. First, I got to jack up the bags under my eyes. I think I'll fill in a few of those laugh lines. I must have forgotten something. What'd you forget, honey? Nothing, sweetheart. Came over to say hello. Oh, it's you, Franklin. Come on in. I want to talk to you. Well, if you want me to, but I don't feel much like talking. What's the matter with you? Somebody take the curl out of your cork screw? I'm upset about the party tonight. Why? Why? Why so upset? You were invited. What's wrong now? I haven't got a thing to wear. Now, stand still while I wipe the tears from your little rum-soaked cheeks. Great big thing out of it. I'll lend you a tuxedo. You will? Sure. Oh, thank you, Curly. I'll also need shoes, studs, tie, socks, and money. I'll give you everything but the money. That you'll have to rent from Alice. Dress shirt. Dress. Oh, I'm sorry, Frankie. I don't have a next redress shirt. What's a half-baked way of doing things? I can't wear a dress jacket with nothing under it. Just try it. It might cause a little talk. You'll be the only guy wearing a tuxedo with a plunging neckline. I'll cut it out. It would be very provocative. Love, you can go out and buy a dress shirt. Yeah, I suppose I can, but that doesn't solve my big problem. What's the matter now? My girlfriend doesn't have an evening gown. A debutant doesn't have an evening gown? Oh, the debant going with me. Why not? She don't feel comfortable in a low-cut evening gown. She's self-conscious about her tattoo. When she wears a low-cut gown, her tattoo shows, huh? Not all of it. Just a top mask of the battleship. Well, she'll still be able to receive messages. By the way, Mr. Remley, who are you taking instead of this old salt? I invited that girl I introduced you to the other night. What girl? The Austrian one. Oh, yeah, yeah. The one that looks like Eric von Strohheim. A nasty thing to say about her, just because she happens to have a saber wound on her cheek. She got that on the field of honor. She was refereeing a duel at Old Heidelberg, and she forgot to duck. So that's what that scar is. Yeah. I thought she was nice for squealing a tahatchaping. Curly, I resent that. I don't associate with stool pigeons. Look, Remley, if your girlfriend don't have an evening gown, I'll lend her one of Alice's. Now come on up, and we'll pick one out. Fairly a-swellia, Curly. It's gonna mean a lot to Hildegard. She's never had an evening gown. I'm trying to custom to traveling in high society, the way we are. Poor kid brought up with a rubble, huh? Well, well, it ain't all of us that can be high-born, huh, Franklin? Oh, true. Here's Alice's closet. There you are. Take your pick. Okay. Here's a nice blue gown. Don't touch that. It happened to be Alice's favorite. Sorry. I'll pick out an old one for you. Here's a rag this brown and yellow jar. If you can have this thing, she couldn't possibly like this. I've never seen her wear it. I can't say that I blame her. Where'd she get an old beat-up looking shroud like that? I don't know. I think she wore it in her first picture, a tolerable David. I don't expect my girl to wear this thing, do you? It might look good on your girl. I don't want it. Even if I liked it, it's too daring. Ain't got any straps. It might fall down. Yeah. Hey, I'll tell you what. I'll throw in a pair of suspenders. How will you take it? I don't know. What color suspenders? German red. Anything you want. Just take the dress and get it out of here. It makes me noise just to look at it. Now, come on. I'll drop you off at your girl's house. I gotta go down to the shoe shop and pick up my pattern leather pumps. Ooh. Okay. Hey, Curly, you think we'll have any fun at this party tonight? Fun? How can we miss when we're gonna have square dancing? Since when have you been interested in square dancing? Since I recorded the song for Victor that I'm about to sing. Helps the sales, you know. Do you have to sing, Curly? Yeah, now be quiet and let me make a living, huh? Now Silas Lee from Tennessee got a call from an agency to furnish music for a swell affair. He played a violin, came a lull and Silas found the party dough. He then got up and loudly did the class. Look here, you folks, ain't havin' fun. I'd like to show you how it's done, way back in them there hills of Tennessee. We'll do a square dance, one and all. You folks get set to hit the ball and I'll get out with mountain melody. Go and call the neighbors and have some fun. It ain't no sin, the music's ready to begin. So listen to the middle of the play. Take that carpet off the floor, leave your shoes outside the door. Come on, do your dance and chore. Everybody dance. The guests were taken by surprise. Silas opened up their eyes with music they had never heard before. He said this dance is new to you. I'll call the statue, follow through. So choose your partners, get out on the floor. Down there with the fancy socks. Grab that gal with all them rocks. Hit the floor and ride in your hops. Listen to the middle of the play. Round and round, let her go. Sashay left them dough. Sir Joe back and hold that row. Everybody dance. Then Mrs. Diva sat for gheel. I saw the senator agree and started pigeon-wingin' round and round. The count and count as deal of all were promenade and crossed the hall and soon society was hoin' down. Circle left, circle right. Keep your hardware out of sight. Ain't no time to start a fight. Everybody dance. Then Silas really set a pace and now in every swanky place no more the modern dances will you see. Four sets they got so many thrills. The dance that came down from the hills is now the craze of high society. From Hollywood to Boston mass to out the land the upper class are choosin' partners for a jamboree. And now in every swell affair who's callin' sets and fiddlin' there no one but Silas's feet from Tennessee. I went down to get my shoes, got the talkin', cuttin' up touches with the guys. Never mind that now. We've got to get dressed. It's getting late. Come along with me, Phil. I've got a surprise for you and I can't wait to show it to you. Okay, honey. Oh, and you see what I've got to wear to the party tonight. It's right here in the closet and I... Look, Phil, it's... It's... It's... It's not here. Something's missing? Somebody's takin' my new brown and yellow evening gowns. Boy! Wayne's leavin' for Indochina. I don't think they stole it. Don't be hasty, honey. The crook's probably still in the neighborhood. I'll go out and catch him. I'll return with your dress but if I'm not back in an hour you can write me at the Burma Hotel. That Shanghai 12, China... Oh, Frankie, thank goodness I found you. I've been lookin' all over for you for the last two hours. What's all the excitement about that? That dress I gave you for your girlfriend. Alice wants to wear that tonight. Alice wants to? Isn't she being a little presumptuous? Why should Hildegard loan her dress to a stranger? It ain't sanitary. Now, wait a minute, Bradley. Besides, it won't fit, Alice. What do you mean it won't fit her? Alice had it made. Hildegard had it altered. A little smaller than Alice, so she had it shortened and taken in. Oh, no, no. Hey, Frankie, that was a brand new dress and I gave it to you by mistake. Oh, gee, I'm sorry, Curly. Don't worry, I'll get it back. Oh, get it back, get it back. What good is that gonna do? Now it's been shortened and taken in. It won't fit, Alice. Oh, what are we gonna do? Well, that's the only one thing we can do. We'll have to shorten Alice and take her. When you cut it out, I know... Wait a minute, Curly. Why don't you go to the place Alice bought the dress and get her another one just like it? Yeah, sure. She'll never know the difference, huh? Well, then come on, Frankie. I know where Alice buys her clothes. There's nobody in there. I can see the dress we want on that wax dummy. We gotta get in. Yes, Curly. The door is locked. Then we'll have to force the lock. Fine. How? Well, if we had a nail file, we could pry it. We had a hammer, we could break it. Why don't you breathe? I'm going to a formal tonight, and I gotta get an evening gown. It doesn't happen to be for me. It's for Mrs. Harris. That's a good idea, kid. Yeah. I'll batter it down, one side, Frankie. Step back, Julius. All right, step back a little further, kid. All right, I'm back. Good. Now put your head down and run toward the door. Put your head through it. All I want you to do is to jar it loose a little. Wait with me. What are you, a communist or something? You gotta find a quiet way to get in. Quiet way, huh? I got it. All you gotta do is take a rock and throw it through the window like this. All right, guys, as long as he broke the glass, let's crawl through and get the dress. Hey, Frankie, we got here just in time. The phone's ringing. I'll get his dress and get out of here. I'll leave 38 ounces size. I don't think so, but what if it is a little snug? She's got the figure to wear one of that tight-fitting strapless gown. She'll get into it all right. Franklin. Yeah, you bet. What do you want, honey? Alice, why are you standing there with the top of your dress and your teeth? This way in the store, what happens? Well, maybe when I grabbed it back from the guy, I stretched it a little. I think she'll look at it. Yeah, I think it looks beautiful. And it's not too big. Turn around. Let me see how it looks in the back. Well, turn around. Honey, don't stand there. Turn around. If you were to get it back, you're going to wear it. Now, come on. It's getting late. But, Phil, it doesn't fit me. Stop exaggerating. Looks beautiful. You're going to be the best dressed woman there. And stop holding it up with your teeth. Just because a dress doesn't cling to you, you women think it don't fit. Looks better a little bit loose. And believe me, you're going to... Alice, go back and get your dress. Alice and Phil will be back in just a moment. But first, here's your Rexall family druggist. I wonder what's the most common under-the-weather complaint in the average family? Well, I know what it is in mine. Acid indigestion and plain old sluggishness. You know, I was sure that's what you'd say. And I'm also sure that's why so many millions of bottles of Rexall milk of Magnesia are on hand right now in family medicine cabinet. Do you recommend Rexall milk of Magnesia? Me and 10,000 other Rexall family druggist. You see, ma'am, the wonderful thing about Rexall milk of Magnesia is that it's both a quick-acting anti-acid and thoroughly effective yet gentle laxative. What's more, Rexall milk of Magnesia is free from unpleasant earthy taste. Oh, yes, that taste is so disagreeable. That's right, ma'am. But Rexall milk of Magnesia is light, smooth, and non-thickening. It's so pure, so thoroughly mild that even a child can spot the difference. So if acid indigestion or sluggishness is your family's number one complaint... And it is. Try Rexall milk of Magnesia. 10,000 family druggist will tell you you can depend on any drug product that bears the name Rexall. Good health to all from Rexall. Certainly it was a wonderful party, wasn't it, honey? Why did Frankie's girl get the same gown I was wearing? Oh, I don't know. Just a coincidence, I guess. Hers fit her better than mine fit me. It did not. Just looked that way because she had a better figure. Oh, she had a better figure, huh? No, no, no, not really, honey. Your figure was just as good when you were her age. No, no. I mean, that is... Look, we'd better have some music before I get murdered. This program is produced and directed by Paul Phillips. The part of Frankie Remley was played by Elliot Lewis and Julius was played by Walter Tetley. Alice Faye appeared through the courtesy of 20th Century Fox. Next time you're in a Rexall drug store, ask the druggist about Rexall-ammoniated tooth powder. It's made according to the real and official University of Illinois formula that has proved so successful in reducing tooth decay and backed by the same high standards that apply to all of Rexall's 2,000 drug products. What's more, Rexall brings this new scientific discovery to you at the unmatched price of only 39 cents for a 3-ounce bottle. Ask for it wherever you see the orange and blue Rexall sign on the window. There's a family druggist inside who will tell you you can depend on any drug product that bears the name Rexall. Stay tuned for the adventures of Sam Spade, which follows immediately on NBC.