 And we're live. Hey everyone. My name is Anthony Johnson. I'm the founder of the 21 convention CEO 21 studios here today with Nick sparks Who's live remotely in Austin, Texas? Nick sparks. How you doing? Not doing too bad. Good to be here today Fuck yeah, man. Always good to have me on for those of you don't know who Nick sparks is He is a coach at sparks of attraction calm He is also the most popular and most famous 21 convention speaker in history in total I think he has about two and a half million views on our channel, which is like enormous Closest behind him is like one million views in a single speaker So Nick is by far and away leaving the pack kicking ass and he's earned that and he's spoken at the convention now I think six times recently. You know Orlando was a six time. I Should know that I've taught my head, but you've spoken so many times hard to keep track I'm up there in terms of maybe not quite as many as Steve, but I should be up there top five Most times spoke at the convention My crowning achievement the views like those are nice and all but really my my long-standing attendance is really the thing I'm most proud of yeah since 2009 when you and Jonathan Hudson came. That's fucking awesome I remember meeting you guys mean like so nervous. I was like do this fucking Nick sparks like holy shit And that was before you were like mega famous That's right. You knew about me like long before most people did yeah. Yep. Just following the social man Um So guys watching actually let me open up the chat box You can actually if you want during this little live stream We're doing for free here on YouTube you guys can ask Nick questions live and I will read them off to him If I can find the chat box And here it is found it jackpot. Oh people gonna apeshit cool All right guys, so yeah, if you have questions while we're doing this piece for to ask them I'll be able to read them off to Nick as we go Everyone nick by the way just saying that they love you and that you're awesome and stuff. Thanks. Hey guys Yep, to be here like always love the 21 convention audience always Yeah, they love they love you too, apparently so So guys what I want to talk about Nick today is Obviously, you know Nick you just spoke in Orlando But I'll see me speaking upcoming in Miami, Florida at the 21 convention 2016 Instead of the under 21 convention he spoke out recently So you can tell us a little bit how about how the talks are gonna differ from those two events The one that they're gonna see online later now. That's you know already filmed but then versus the Mami one Yeah, yeah, I'll jump right into that So I had this topic that I was excited to talk about and I thought this will be great for the 21 convention I'm really excited to get into this really excited to talk about. I think it's gonna be great and And then you invited me to the under 21 convention and so I'm really excited about this topic I have coming up. I wanted for the under 21 I want to do something that was a little more focused for For guys who might be in college and really have information that still would be applicable to everyone But I really wanted to make sure that I was honing in on those guys So so that's really what was my speech was about in Orlando was what I would have done or what I wish I would have known back in college or in that at that age at any time and And so now with with Miami coming up really quickly With the 21 convention there. I get to finally talk about this this other topic Which which has been brewing in my head for a while now, which it's really gonna be on the first time I'm sharing a lot of this stuff. Yeah, I gotta say when you first told me the title on that basically the subject of it I got totally blindsided in a good way. I had the very I had a very knee-jerk response to it It was the best possible response. I could have gotten from you by the way Everything I liked about it, dude, I believe you totally because I However different I am from you know, the average viewer I feel like I'm in the same camp as they'll be when that talk comes out because everyone's gonna respond to it pretty similar I think the way I did and Assuming I'm not just totally projecting on that But I think I respond like the average viewer will and it's gonna blow them It's gonna blow them away. I think because it's a really good topic and I was like fuck That's good. Well the guys watching right now They won't be as blown away when the talk comes out because they're gonna get a little bit more insight into What is actually going to be about it won't be like you did once I explained a little bit more I'm the title you saw that there was a lot more to it. So you weren't as like, you know, you were like, okay, Nick You got me So these guys here who we're talking to right now. They'll get like a more of a sneak peek They'll be ahead of the curve. Yeah. Yeah, so what's the what's the title if you don't mind sharing? I know it, but I just want to make sure that you're the one to actually unveil it Appreciate it. So the title brace yourself is why falling in love sucks And I think You're feeling to that title right now say it one more time why falling in love sucks Whatever reaction you're feeling. I think it's an appropriate reaction and I think it really illustrates Why I'm excited about this talk I'm excited about why I'm excited to deliver this message because it does it does elicit a very Primal response and so many people when this time it feels very like at first glance It was like a very pessimistic like nilistic view I think or nihilistic of it, but then of course there's there's so much more depth behind it And it's not pessimistic as you came to find out. It's not pessimistic. Yeah, whatsoever. I love love Love is I don't think I'm overstating this in the slightest. Love is the greatest thing in the universe And and so it's this is not a knock on love whatsoever if anything. This is a celebration of love This is a celebration of of healthy awesome giving Love that builds people up Instead of a lot of things that often get confused with love Instead of a lot of things that are cultured that our society kind of mistakes for love That would be like infatuation and like just strong emotional responses versus something that's more than Thoughtful things that often get called falling in love And often there are the effects that has on people the responses people have to it And you can see in just the success rates of relationships are not reflected of of actual love Like you said, um, there's other words that I think much better describe this process infatuation Lost is a is another good one. Yeah, I didn't have to have me think of that You know, it's interesting. You know, I find really interesting those the word choice you're making with this falling in love Yeah, not only as a talk title, but it's so Just the common the lingo for it or the the lexicon for it is so accurate to what's going on I think the fact that you're picking up on that making a talk out of it is like just fucking brilliant Well, it's it's so I think that you know, the word choice is so deliberate because Falling in love like that thing is so championed by our culture It's the happy ending and like 80% of movies when things aren't getting blown up But even then people are still fall it's that's still a happy ending after things get blown up It's it's always like ever after but you know, usually when relationships are built off just this brush of endorphins and dopamine and And not really thinking through things clearly and making choices when when you're really not Making the most logical decisions often leads to really terrible situations for a lot of people And and so I think that you know the whole infatuation Falling in love thing. It's super fun and I'm not saying we shouldn't enjoy these things But when we start like making longer-term relationship decisions based on this this rush of emotion We'll really start getting themselves in trouble. And so that's really what I want to dig into Here's here's a question too. How do you expect or what's the main goal for viewers and attendees to benefit from this talk? Like what is gonna be the outcome for them? It is like really positive. Is there one? I'm assuming Yeah, I hope so I really hope so well. That's a good question because The reason why I am I'm giving this talk the reason why I'm so excited by it the reason why this is You know it holds a personal note for me is because it is such a personal subject because I For the majority of my adult life based my relationship decisions I'm like who I felt that strongest rush of emotion with and you know There's so many things that are going on when that's happening. You'd be you know triggered by people from your past They could remind you of this person or that person from whatever situation. There's just so many things that are happening You know when that when that when those those chemicals are rushing through your brain and then for so long You know, I base my relationship decisions on how strongly I felt that How much we have that going on and then like clinging on that relationship and making it work no matter What when sometimes we should have never been in a relationship to begin with we should have simply enjoyed what we have for What it was and not try to make something between happen between two people that really weren't compatible on a longer term scale I think a lot of people and and so I was in this pattern I was just going I would be in one of these relationships and then it wouldn't work out I would be crushed and I would be at this extreme low point in my life And then I would have to claw and drag my way back up from that and then I think okay I'm ready to date again, and then I would go out and do the exact same. I think I'm gonna look okay I'm not gonna she was like this I'm gonna look for different characteristics integral and I go out and do the exact same goddamn thing and she might have Different in some of the ways that I was looking for But this pattern kept happening over and over and over again, and I just got so sick of it And I said there's got to be something. I'm missing. There's got to be something. I'm doing wrong Maybe it's time to start looking at this thing That's been championed by our society is the greatest fairy tale I happily ever after in the world maybe just because you have that that rush of emotion with someone you shouldn't like Abandon all like logical thought and and I've been head first with that person Maybe it's time to look at this situation a little bit more deeply so that we can start making more educated decisions On the relationships that we're taking on because I mean as you know as well as anyone is and as we've all had painful Experiences, but this is such a major vision that we all make in our lives And so I think to to give is as much perspective to it as much of an educated decision That we can that we can make in those situations Because everyone gets hurt when you enter into those like there are no like Nobody comes out unscathed like you're doing the world and this is family friends. You're doing the world a better Making the world a better place by by making these decisions in a more educated fashion. Yeah Yeah educated and it really comes off to me to his thoughtful and mature Otherwise, you know vastly lacking in the in the marketplace You know one of the things to I was just gonna say you like this a lot I think you remember Damien Dica from the Tampa Convention in 2014 He's one of the Australian speakers and recently I was talking to him and he said This goes right along with they were saying he said our choice of romantic partners, especially long-term partners is gonna impact Is gonna make you it can be the most miserable choice your life or the most happy and definitely that this this This choice is central to like what you're gonna experience in the long run from that stuff So I hear a lot of what you're saying what he was saying to and I didn't even bring up like getting into like children being had I mean the effect the That these and they're the lives that they're going to go on to lead and the people that they're going to go On to influence. I mean these are major major decisions that should not be taken lightly We should be afraid that we like we should just pack it in and become permits and never go on another date again I'm obviously not saying that but you know it is to be it's gonna be aware of what's actually going on when Emotionally, we're not thinking as clearly as We might want to be You know one of the you might have these my buddy might not be surprised by this But one of the things people bring up to me first based on my recent relationship That's you're like do you have any kids and I'm like no we didn't have any kids and like thank God And Yeah, I think I think just like you're saying it's like that you know is what a lot of relationships will lead to biologically So it's like fuck like it happened how he escaped not having a child at this point in my life I really I'm not certain knock on wood. I don't want to flirt with the devil on this one, but So it's like these things happen. I'm we're human beings We procreate hits. It's pretty hard wired into us But but yeah, I mean, but once again, we Being an adult means bringing that consciousness into it bringing in like what are the longer-term effects of the decisions that I'm making and The broader impact that that's having on the people in my life and on my life overall Hey, let's pause in a man. There's like 30 comments people may do this shit's on Let me take a look at these and see if it's something we got you can get into It's just a lot of like love comments like how much they love you and stuff To see everybody in person in Miami Yeah, oh someone just said Nicky changed a lot. Yeah, I would agree with I would agree with that You've you've definitely our film director to Gattino He's also commented about you like how much you've matured over the years and see first met you and on Like your wisdom is like really like showing now that you're older. He told me he actually told me I know in Orlando this past year that You know the speech it might not the speech that I gave It It might not get as many views as some of my past speeches or something like that But he said just you know based on the maturity in the speech and what I was talking about he said it was his favorite speech Yeah, I love you've ever given which I was really was really great to hear that Because I am you know, I'm talking about deeper subjects and I you know people change people grow If any one of us is the same person that they were five years ago like man, what did you do with those five years? So, you know could be out there having these life experiences that should shape and shouldn't should mold away you You look at things and I've certainly had more than my favorite fair share of those Yep, here's a question by the way. This one's I think pretty cool. So the white Buddha said a question Do you think unconditional love is also another myth? Do you have thoughts to share on that would that be covered perhaps in your book as you are by next Just sitting in a different position. I don't know if I get that deep in my in my best-selling Word-winning book now Number one best-selling book of the 21 convention right here guys No, but it's a really good question. I just I don't want to let that question go without it being answered Do I think unconditional love is a myth like no I could absolutely the most resounding no I can possibly give I think Unconditional love is the greatest truth in the universe possibly potentially some Philosophers might argue the only real thing in the universe. It has been tossed out there. I don't know But what I can say is that the only reason why we don't experience it more often is because like this human condition It it brings up fear. It brings up doubt like this human condition is is about overcoming those things or learning to Live in harmony with those things And so I think that unconditional love is everywhere. I think that you know, and why do we have these fears? Why do we have these doubts? I mean love is easy when when you don't have these things to battle against it I mean, what does it really matter if you're just loving everything in this peaceful perfect? Harmonious universe, but when love can exist when love can flourish in A place that can be hard that can have so much fear and pain and doubt I mean, is there any more beautiful expression of it? So yeah, I think that that unconditional love is Completely a reality. I think it's it's everywhere, but I do think that yeah our human nature In this condition that brings on these fears and these doubts does get in the way of that Unfortunately, but I wonder I wonder too if there's any with unconditional pretty decent job of bringing it out Yeah, well one of my questions follow up question to this then is do you see unconditional love? affecting people men and women anyway Regarding falling in love like you're talking about you're gonna talk about your speech Like maybe maybe something they're rushing into perhaps. I'm definitely gonna cover it in my speech But yeah, no, um love like real love, right? Most of us have been fortunate enough to experience at least like one Instance of this in our live real love is isn't something that happens in any short amount of time like real love is something that Happens over a long period of time you get to know someone I go Yeah, it has to happen over time you get to know people better and slowly different Sides of you come out and you get to know and you have fights and you have arguments and you you mend those and you you know you you work together and you grow together and Through this this process of growing together and then learning about each other more and then a deeper level I think that's where where love happens Whereas you know that that flash boom thing. Yes, we call it love you can if you want to but I think it's something very different I think there's a good way to talk about this is the Greeks You know a lot of people remember from there their social studies textbooks that the Greeks had three different words for love Right arrows a gap a and fill you up And but I think to say it that way I think to look at it that way the Greeks have three different words for love I think that's really short-sighted. I think a better way to look at it is to say that There the Greeks had these three different words I'm for three different concepts and we just use one word to describe all three of those concepts like their language Was better suited to handle these different feelings that we just use one word to describe all but yeah We got infatuation or whatever, but they really had these three words So they did have that they had a word for lust like is it a word for love? Well, we might call it that with our limited language or whatever, but they had arrows They had that fire they had that passion and babies get made and humans get procreated and it's a it's a there's a lot of Theories as to why we have this in our Interesting, I'd like to I hope this is a lot of this isn't talking to me I'll be digging more into it So then you got you got Philia, which is like a friendly love of familiar familiar love You know all that stuff we know what that is we can we can conceptualize that and you got a gap that which is it's It's a romantic love, but it's not the arrows. It's it's that what we were just talking about two people Growing and developing together over a over a long period of time And I think even the Greeks were talking about all the philosophers of the day We're talking about that being the most sacred Kind of love There's a lot a lot of thoughts going on about that, but who's to say but yeah our culture says oh those are three different words for love He's not to say well that those are actually three different concepts And we just use one word to describe all those concepts. Yeah, and the homogenization of that word sounds problematic today That's I like because it sells it sells like you put that on greeting cards You put that I'm not advertisement and love cells. Yep. All right. Let me see if there's one more question here before we move on That's why it's in the name of my speech and not why falling infatuation sucks Yeah, good point So another question here and then we can get on some other topics Matt Hatter Can you talk about good strategy to learn about various interests and conversation topics for conversation? To charm and impress people for friendship connection. Yeah, I can copy and paste it if you want but a long one. Oh my goodness I even got a deconstruct that question But sure, I'll go ahead and answer it. Yeah, there it is Can you talk about good strategy to learn about various interests and conversation topics for conversation to charm and impress? Um, I Mean obvious answer is just a 10 to 21 convention basically One convention work with me read my book if you haven't already that goes beyond so without saying Assuming that you've already. Oh, what's that? Assuming you've already done that Talk to people practice Go out and yeah, you've heard me say this in these speeches It's way harder to have conversations with people who do intimidate you So just get good get good at the game on easy level And then maybe even medium like practice talking to people who don't intimidate you get good at having conversations having a Being a good conversationalist isn't about okay. I'm gonna talk about these things. Oh, man Everybody loves me now. No, it's about listening to people being emotionally like responsive to people really making them getting Like used to making people feel like they're special Seeing how their words influence you and then responding with the first thoughts off of your head your personality your your own Emotion your own feelings that you want to contribute to this conversation this this dynamic Explosive sometimes more subtle others but but very very What's the word? Impulsive or very much in the moment creative experience that happens between two people and you get good at that by doing it more By having conversations with people and just trying to listen to what they say as closely as possible to put all your attention on them Without worrying about whether they're hot or not to Throwing out your first responses without thinking if it's the right thing to say or whether it's gonna be the cool thing or Whether it's gonna show enough interest or not enough interest or blah blah blah blah blah blah Just practice talking to people I'm in the more you do that the more comfortable you're gonna get and the more that social momentum is just gonna flow for you The more you're gonna feel comfortable talking to people that you are a track doing it will still be hard But you got the muscle memory to do that the more you just become a social person a Charismatic person that people like talking to that naturally attracts people to them right so I'd love to add here that My sister probably kill me for saying this but when I was talking to her a few weeks ago You had to meet one of my sisters recently at the convention. I believe she said that you made her feel like she was the only person in the room Don't don't quote me on that, but I think that's what she said when I was talking to her about She read my book before saying that if she might have been chewing chewing through the book I don't I don't know but they say somewhere towards the end of the book that Bill Clinton Politics aside Bill Clinton had this ability that he would make you feel like you were the only person you're talking to To say that about me. That's a very very nice. This was a conversation at like midnight or something It was really late. We were out downtown and stuff, but I'm pretty sure that's that's what went down That was it. That was the gist of it So I found that interesting because I know I've heard you say that before too But yeah, I should probably kill me now, but whatever and it's not like I always do that There's certainly times where I get distracted where I'm anxious about something where maybe the person in front of me Intimidates me, but the more that I'm just practicing doing this with human beings connecting with human beings the better shot I've got of doing that in in most situations that I'm in Yep. Well, hey before we take any more questions. We should probably get moving on with this So you're speaking at the 21 convention in a few weeks here in Miami, Florida That's our second and main event of the year final event of the year It's October 20th to 23rd and people can get tickets to come meet you me and the other speakers about 20 of them Amazing I'm super excited just to hang out with the guys to fuck. Yeah, man. It's always it's so good hanging out with everybody and seeing everybody It's like a giant family You know very male oriented very family, you know level gathering very male or you get a lot of different like Like healthy fun different male perspectives and then just a combination of it all is really a great experience We got some new speakers to of course Gareth and Zan and a few others I'm really excited to meet Zan for the first time This is a little Tiny fact is the second time I'll be meeting Zan even though. I'm sure he doesn't remember me Okay, what so I was maybe only in this industry for a few months He came and I was living in Chicago and I was only in Chicago for six months overall And and Zan was coming to speak at Project Chicago Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, there was Sean Stevenson and I had never heard of Sean Stevenson at that point And they come and I was I was excited to hear him talk And and yeah, and Sean Stevenson just blew me away. He opened up for Zan to blew me away And then Zan was amazing at of course I introduced myself But I highly doubt that they they remember who I am whatsoever, but it'll be it'll be really cool to see him again I'm a fan. Yeah, talk to guys who work at his company. I've met with them like really big fan of what he does Yep, I've been watching him on and off for like ten ten years now or something like that So it's gonna be quite a moment to meet him I'm not super familiar with his work, but from the bits and pieces I've read and what people have told me Speakers attendees even investors people love this guy. Yeah, and it's a little company ours. Our summer out though I think it's I say it our summer out and some like that Yeah, something like that. So shit my camera is getting super bright So yeah, you'll be there next month a bunch of other speakers will too and they can get tickets at the 21 convention Dot org which is also underneath the video. They should definitely come out meet you have a good time and of course like we were just talking about you are gonna be doing coaching offering that on Saturday night during the convention so the conventions all day a Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday and Saturday night they can do coaching with you and that is a pretty special thing is you don't do that that often I am You might have heard I was taking some time off coaching for two almost three years now I'm doing it a little bit here and there because I love it, but I'm you know really missing it really really thinking about Doing it a little bit more than I have been and I thought you know the 21 conventions an awesome place to To really to get it kicked off. So yeah, so Saturday night I'll definitely be hitting the top whoever'd like to go out and yeah, I will be all over you and giving you as much feedback and answering as many questions and You know getting you in as many positive social interactions as we can possibly muster in the night's time So Miami, Florida, so it's hell of a city to be doing this in to yeah, Miami's not the not the worst place in the world to be going Out with us either Yeah, not that I don't love Orlando, but Miami's definitely a step up when it comes to To going out. I shouldn't say that in case we do our next invention at Orlando There's a lot of great spots as you I always have a good time when I'm Orlando not knocking that but Miami is still Miami Yep, I like Orlando, but yeah, Miami has beautiful women and it's we're right near downtown The hotel is like 10 minutes from downtown nice not even it's like nine So it's really close to the downtown area and then South Beach is like right beyond that, too Some of the some of the best spots in the world definitely and you'll take up to three guys you sit too, right? Absolutely, absolutely any more than that. I'm not giving as much individual attention as I'd like I found over the years You know, I don't want to do like a huge thing where I'm barely talking to anyone Just like to hang out with some cool people who are really want to focus on Improving want to focus on just bringing their a game and overcoming some some blocks But we might be overlooking that they want to get past. So yeah, cool. Good time Well guys if you don't have a ticket yet You have to get one at the 21 convention at work you can come up be nick and about 20 other speakers And of course if you want you can also take coaching with them if you wanted the three lucky enough to get a spot Other than that, oh, yeah, so before we get off we'll wrap this up in a minute You said that you may start in coaching soon on your own More consistently in Austin and then maybe elsewhere in the US So you can talk a little bit about that and what's and they'll get that of course probably at sparks of attraction com Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I know you're you're saying for 21 guys who might be interested You know, you'd obviously be there to talk to them, but but yeah, just on the bigger scale Be looking to do a little bit more coaching than I have and maybe not the full scale Maybe not a hundred and ten percent full-blown, but definitely back up to 50 60 percent and seeing how that feels Because you used to coach probably every weekend right back years ago like a lot You know feel like every other weekend. I've definitely done every weekend before it gets overwhelming Especially when you do it for almost a decade but Yeah, cool. Well, I'm excited man excited to refresh as I can possibly be and I'm very excited to do it more like all the Times that the few times I've done it in between now and when I was really doing it a lot like I've They've been amazing experiences with really awesome guys. So That more than anything has made me like even hungry to do it more. Yeah, I think you have Is if I'm not mistaken, I think you're the coach You're the specific one with like a 100% success rate right for your students. I mean There are I work with a lot of guys who have worked with a lot of other companies that that are still looking for answers That's still aren't satisfied or still spending more money But but yeah when a guy works with me, he never worries about this stuff again. He doesn't have to go looking for That is that is fucking bad ass man. That is fine. He can focus on you know Maybe he wants to work on his career a little bit harder or working on his physical fitness, but this is this is taking care of Yeah, that is I know your fun coaching and everything else is like that too So it's it's bad ass that you can offer that and you can actually say that that's the point I you shouldn't like you do something in order to get it done You do you attack something in order to figure it out. So you don't have to keep on You know, so it doesn't keep on dragging you back And so just to see guys going through this space like that was one of my long time ago That was one of my biggest goals in coaching was I'd see guys going through this and they just be going through it and over and over And getting worse and I was like no that sucks like there's no way that this should be like What we're striving for as a coaching industry. That's no there's got to be better than that So that was really my goal to eliminate that like no when a guy gets coaching He should be satisfied. It should be done dude. I wish every coach I think this 21 C speakers are similar, but I wish every coach in the industry A lot of awesome coaches 21 more than are higher than the industry average. That's for sure Yeah, I still wish though This was like the norm in the you know kind of dating and you know, seduction industry like this. It's fucking badass So just the balls to say that like with straight face like every guy gets such a treat handled with me I don't know you mean it too. Like you're not kidding I'm the same token. Um, you know, I always say not every single guy is gonna be in a place where it's gonna be the best fit for Um, you know a dude who's really really entrenched in like PUA type stuff like Sometimes like he's not quite ready to to take in what we're working on here Yeah, they got to be receptive with that shit a little bit longer before they're gonna be ready to completely leave it behind But You know anybody who's ready now hundred percent Fuck yeah, man. All right. Well Nick, we're gonna wrap up with the YouTube one guys We'll be going on a 21 University live stream exclusive at 21 University comm here in a bit with Nick Where we're gonna get even more in-depth conversation and answers live from Nick or 21 you students even deeper Even deeper. We're gonna really nerd out and it'll be fun. I'm excited dude. There's a lot to discuss All right guys. Thank you for tuning in live Nick. Thanks so much for your time here on YouTube There's a link to your the guys everyone. There's a link to both the ticket page to get a ticket Miami meet Nick as well as Nick Sparks website You can also find them on Facebook at facebook.com slash meet Nick Sparks Cool, all right. See everybody everybody. Thanks tuning in and thanks for your time Nick. Thanks guys