 All right, transitioning into what I want to talk about. I've been studying this whole topic of success with women for about half a decade now, five years. Five years of my life, just spending a lot of time and energy and focus on developing myself more in that area. And this past year, it's been sort of phasing out of my life, the way that usually you guys probably know about it and the way that it's been for me for five years, because it's very much, we're all here for, we're some point of, like we've all been in the community, right? We can agree that we know the forums, we know probably the materials, we've listened to all the stuff that, all that knowledge that people have found for us. And it's really good and it tends to take us through a certain journey, you know, you start going out, you start meeting a lot of girls, you learn some, how to, like different beliefs, different, not so much anymore tactics, but ways to talk to people, stuff like that, and you test it out. And while we're learning this, we sort of have a goal. We have this picture of who we want to be. We have a lot of the really awesome instructors for all the dating companies that are sort of like role models for us. But what I realized after a while now that I'm sort of, I wouldn't really call myself part of the community seeing anymore because it's not part of my focus anymore. And what I realized is that these role models, these guys that are instructors, they usually only tend to represent one aspect of their life, which is this like dating and success with women. And the rest of their life, which I'm sure is full and rich if they're well-rounded human beings, tends to go untalked about. So what I really wanted to talk to you guys about was how two really important aspects of my life have been severely influenced by my journey or my years through really consciously studying success with women and how my life is affected today after I'm no longer actively reading on the forums, going out that much, stuff like that. And the stuff that I really learned. This might sound like when I made the speech, I really wanted to orient it towards maybe guys that are a little bit more advanced or been doing this for a while, that are kind of coming out and finding themselves. But I think even as a newbie, when you start out, to have these concepts in mind will sort of set your compass on the right path so you don't have to maybe go do a whole bunch of really destructive negative stuff like Anthony talked about, you know, going out night after night, learning something that's not really gonna help you, not give you what you want out of your life. So I think everybody has something to take away from it. I would also want to say that all the stuff that I'm talking about, I've derived from my own life experiences, so it's not really tailored to like a lot of people, but I hope that everybody can get something out of it. I had an awesome PowerPoint, but I can't show it to you, so I'm gonna be using it. The two areas that I really wanna talk about are relationships. Relationships after you've studied, you know, successful women, and lifestyle. And lifestyle's a pretty broad topic, and I'll explain how this transfers, you know, to what I do with my life. But yeah, it's gonna be pretty self-explanatory. So for this stuff to make sense to you, what I'm gonna be talking about, you have to sort of know where I'm coming from and who I am in my life, so you can understand what studying successful women has given me. And a really big aspect, I'm gonna boil this down, it's not exactly who I am, but these three aspects are big parts of my life, and I think they really represent me in a good way. The first aspect of who I am is I tried to define this in many different ways, but the only way I can say it is I'm a lover of women, lover of the feminine. And I think all of us guys that are here studying success with women, and we're all in some way more than other guys, we love women, you know, and we wanna learn ways to have more women in our lives to interact with women better, to make them happier by becoming better guys, so we're all on some level, we are lovers of women. And I didn't really realize this throughout my life, but women have always like girls or just, it's hard to say, I don't really wanna use that. Girls, girls throughout my life have always been giving me gifts, you know, in one way or another, and I think that girls give all guys gifts, but it's hard to see that when you're really focused on trying to learn game. And what I mean by that is, before I really learned about the community, I was kind of shy, I was really nervous around women, I would tend to be depressed because I wouldn't have a lot of choices about the girls who ended up with me. I felt rejected a lot of the time, and I felt a lot of lack. And that's really how I, you know, saw the effect of women in my life, and it was very, very negative. I was a very negative person at the time. Years now afterwards, what I realized is that at that point in my life, what I was getting from women was, you know, super valuable because women motivated me. They gave me a vision, they gave me purpose, they gave me drive to actually improve myself. God knows where I would have been today if I hadn't actually tried to step up and become a better person because I wanted to get this area in my life handled. School didn't really motivate me, grades, I didn't care about my grades. Money, yeah, I sure it was cool, but, you know, as long as you have your, you know, a little bit of food and your friends who cares, wasn't really motivated by money, status. I could live without it. It was cool if I had it, but I could totally live without it. The only part of my life where it came where, like, I wasn't getting what I wanted, and I wasn't willing to accept it was girls. And that's where I said, enough, I'm gonna take care of this. If anybody's able to learn this, I'm gonna take this and master it. And so it really drove me and it's changed all other aspects of my life. During my development in the community, the role of women in my life changed from motivation, vision, stuff like that, to, this is gonna sound terrible, like dehumanizing or whatever, but it changed into sort of a measuring stick for my progress. You know, I would go out and I would read about stuff, you know, be confident, be a confident guy. And I would read about it and I'm like, okay, I'm gonna be a confident guy. I'm confident now. I know that's what works. And then I'd go like, meet a girl and I'd be like, hi, my name is Dion and I would realize, okay, I'm not confident. So something was still wrong. I would have to go adjust something and fix it. You know, how else would I have known that I wasn't making the right progress or that I wasn't making progress at all if it wasn't for having girls in my life? Mm. You know, and at that time also, there was a lot of adventures. You go out a lot to clubs. You meet a lot of different people. It's just crazy. It enriches your life. And again, I was getting purpose because, you know, it drove me. Even when I was tired, even when I had school, even when I had hundreds of other things to do, I still went out and I still did this just because I was so motivated and driven by the fact that, you know, I didn't want to accept a life of mediocre life of romance. Now that I'm sort of, now that, you know, I'm no longer actively learning like I used to a couple of years ago, the role of what I get from women has changed again. So the way it functions now is that I have women in my life and it's no longer, I'm not measuring myself up against them, you know. Instead, I'm using them as feedback to improve upon myself as a person in relation to them. Before, while I was going out, it wasn't really even about the girl that was in front of me because, you know, all I really needed was the experience. All I really needed was the reaction of her. Her as a person didn't really matter that much. It was kind of interchangeable because, you know, you go out to a club and it's very impersonal. But when you start getting a little like deeper and you start creating relationships, then all of a sudden it forces you to interact with another person and, you know, it really exposes those parts of you that it's hard for your blind spots, blind spots to call them. You can't really see these things and when you have another person in your life or relationship, it really like, it becomes glaringly obvious. Something is wrong in this relationship. You can either choose to say like, well, it's her fault or, you know, how was I supposed to know that, but there are a lot of points where you just realize, maybe this is an insecurity that I have and if I want this to work, I need to drop it. And to be honest, it's not only romantic relationships that do this. You know, all female friends, just feminine energy in your life can totally be a mirror of who you are and help you develop yourself as a person. So that is a huge aspect of who I am, a lover of women. The two other aspects of who I am, I'm a student, right, a lot less esoteric and a lot less, you know, cool, but I come from a very academic family and everybody in my, you know, education was salvation where I came from and everybody was very, very good at school when I was growing up except me. I just sort of lagged behind. I was never failing stuff, but I was definitely the black sheet. And then I wanted to make one more point about who I am today and I chose the word entrepreneur and I was like, no, no, no, no, no. And I was like, innovator, leader, no, no, no, no. I think all these things, I would aspire to these things and one day God willing, I will be all these things, but it's more, being an entrepreneur is something you do. Being a leader is something you do. Being an innovator is something you do. So it all just came down to being a man for me. I'm a man and I'm trying, you know, I was born this way and I'm trying to be the best sort of man that I could be. So that was a bit of background about who I am today. My first topic is relationships. What I noticed myself as I was sort of getting more and more experienced with women was that I went from this guy that really, really wanted a girlfriend to realizing that, wow, hold up, now I can get girlfriends, I can meet girls all the time and hang out with them. Why would I want just one girlfriend? What's the point of that? What's the role of one woman in my life? I should be meeting girls all the time and the one-on-one monogamous relationship sort of the role that fell away, I just couldn't understand it. I've been in a relationship for one year now. So obviously that's changed. I still talk to a lot of my friends that I met through this sort of field of knowledge and a lot of them, I see it in them, they just don't understand what the point of having a woman in your life, what is the point of that? Not everyone, not everyone. God knows that there are some guys that will start reading up a little bit about this. They will find the first best girl that likes what they have to say and they will be out of here faster than you can blink. And that's fine too. These guys obviously, everybody's gotta do what they want. But I think there's something inherently wrong if you don't know what the role of a woman in your life is. If you can't understand it, you get that glazed over look, you're like, what, one monogamous relationship? What's the, what, I don't know. And that's really what I wanted to address. I did talk a little bit about that now. One of the really, really big parts of having a girl in your life is that she forces you to be a better man. And how does this manifest? How does having a woman in your life force you to be a better man? The way I noticed it is, you know, just like we're guys and we're here, we're trying to learn to be the best guys that we can be. A lot of the times, what I would say, what we, ideally what a really, really competent guy can give to a woman is the gift of appreciation. You know, girls dress up when they go to the clubs. They get really pretty. They look really attractive. And they do this because they want guys to appreciate them. That's sort of the gift that we give them. And, you know, it's been talked about lately in the community, intent. The best way to really, you know, approach girls is with intent. You guys, if you, if you've seen that on the internet, this is a great way if you can start harnessing your intent for women, let them know that you really desire them. Because women really appreciate this. As opposed to the old model of like, no, you gotta show this interest in them and then make them chase you, which I'm sure works too. But the thing though is that some guys, including me, including probably a couple of yourselves, we don't really know how to give appreciation naturally. It gets sort of on the way up, it gets distorted and it comes out through neediness. So this sort of like appreciation that we're supposed to give women that like lets them know that they're really attractive and hot and they're really good people. It comes out as, I need to call her like 10 times a day and let her know that she's the only one, even though we only talked like for five minutes. And that's just creepy and really distorted. Nobody wants that, it's a very unattractive thing. And you know that, you know that needing us, nothing kills attraction like needing us. But it's somewhere inside you, you know that if she could just, if she could feel the stuff that I'm feeling for her, then why would she wanna be with any other guy? Because I know how incredibly special she is, it just doesn't make logical sense. I like her so much, why wouldn't she like me back? But the thing is, if you don't know how to really give appreciation and it's like sort of esoteric pure form, then it's gonna come out very bad and wrong. The same way as sometimes a guy doesn't really know how to be a guy 100%, women won't always know how to be women 100%. So, her sort of contribution to you is that she is supposed to be, by being with you, she is supposed to be making you a better guy, day by day. And so a really good woman will, you contribute this to you very naturally and you'll just, you'll feel that you wanna step up, you wanna be that guy you wanna be the best you can be. But sometimes it doesn't always come out in its natural, pure, lovely form. It can come out very distorted too. And what I've noticed through talking to a lot of guys, I've been in about a relationship for a year now, so I'm in no way shape or form gonna say that I'm like married. But what I've seen through guys that I've talked to and just my parents that have been together for so long, guys will tend to be like, why is she blowing small stuff out of proportion? Why is she nagging me to do these little things that don't really matter? Like, for example, typical, I guess if you're married, you know, you didn't throw out the trash. And she flips out. She's like, you said you were gonna throw out the trash, blah, blah, blah, you're not doing this right. And as a guy you think it's not that big a deal. You know, whatever, it's dirty but it's not gonna change anything if I threw out the trash or not. But it's not really about the trash. It's the fact that you're not, you know, she can somehow sense that she's supposed to be contributing something to you to make you better, to make you more focused to, just like I said, make you a better man. And she doesn't know always how to do that. So when it comes out, it comes out in ways that you misinterpreted it. You misinterpret her sort of contribution to you as nagging or just like, oh, I don't understand what she's saying. She's such, like, she's being an emotional woman. I can't understand this, you know? And that tends to push guys away, just like neediness tends to push women away. But the thing is, the reason I wanna highlight this to you guys and let you know about it, you know, because this didn't occur to me while I was sort of in the midst of learning success with women. I think a lot of guys when they become attracted to a woman, they feel they need to suppress that. They feel they need to maybe not show her like how much they like her or stuff like that. And of course, there is a limit. You don't need to be creepy. But it is a very natural feeling and you should come to terms with it and you should really, really realize that that is what you're, that is like your biggest contribution to women. And at the same time, even if you step up to a girl you might be interested in and it doesn't go all that well, you know, you don't get that sort of feeling of, oh man, I liked her but she didn't like me and it makes me so angry. I think a part of you just when you realize that this is as a guy, this is what I'm supposed to be, you know, feeling for a woman, a bit of the negativity falls away. You no longer blame them for, you know, why doesn't she wanna be with me? Why can't I make her understand about how cool a guy I am? You know, you don't get that anymore. And I know a lot of guys are very, very angry with girls because they feel like they don't understand them and they can't control them. And this probably, you know, could stem from a lot of things but one of the things is I think that you don't know what the role of women in your life is and what your role in a woman's life is. Right. So that idea sorta hit me. It sorta hit me while I was getting to know women on a deeper level in my life. And what I really realized is that revelations like this I couldn't have learned on my own. And I talked about this briefly a couple of weeks back. I said, when you're learning game and you're learning how to talk to women, when you're learning how to interact with girls, you know, what to say, what to do, eye contact, stuff like that, you're actually learning about yourself. Even though we call it the success with women, you know, like body of knowledge, it is actually more about how you relate to women. You're not actually learning so much about women as how you react to women and you know, what the internal process is about you are. And if you think about it, you all probably know about like field reports, keeping a journal, checking your progress. These are all very, very, you know, reflective tools because it's all about you. You have to see why do I get nervous around women? Why can't I talk to them? Why, why this, why that? Why am I feeling this? Why do my beliefs like this? And you learn a lot about yourself, how you react to the world. This is great. I think a lot of people don't ever take the time in their life to really get to know themselves. And it makes, you know, it does make for a poorer person. Somebody that has really taken that time to introspectively look at themselves will be richer for it. But you're not gonna be learning so much about women. And think about it. What's the old like dogma about in the community? You have to go out every night, go out to the club and meet 50 women. Yeah, Anthony, like Anthony did, he went out for like six months and he just interchangeably met a whole bunch of women. It's not about the girl that's in front of him. It was about him, he's the only constant in that equation. How is he reacting to the girl? Everything else is just every night, it's gonna be a new one. As I think we all, like I said, are lover of women. It interests us. We wanna know more about women. We wanna learn intuitively, how they think, how they act, what makes them happy, what makes them sad. If learning game is learning about yourself, being in a relationship is undoubtedly the learning about women part. To expand on this, being in a relationship is learning about women. So you could argue, no, I am learning about women while I'm out in gaming because I've learned that women have an attraction trigger to confident guys. They're evolutionary program to like confident guys. So I know female psychology. That's true. But confidence comes in a lot of forms. And you can be confident by being that guy that steps up to, if some dude's bothering her, you can be confident by stepping up, pushing him away and then beating him to the ground. And some women will find that as confident. They're like, wow, he's so confident because he doesn't take shit from nobody. Other women might think that if somebody insults you and you have the confidence to walk away and not be violent, that that's really like the sort of confidence that turns them on. If you just sort of have a vague concept like women like confident guys, but you never actually take the time to get to know what is confidence in a woman's eyes, then how can, you know, you're not really learning again about what they like. You're learning about what you wanna express. So I thought that was a great example because we hear a lot of great concepts in this successful women community, how, you know, we're supposed to act and be and there's self amusement, all this. But it comes in a lot of different shapes and forms. And ultimately until you find another partner that you can get to know on a deeper level, it's always gonna be about you. So think about it. I like to do a lot of comparisons. I like to compare it game to relationship, stuff like that and I'm gonna do another one. I talked about this also in my sort of previous speech a couple of weeks ago, but I really think this is important. I wanna expand on it for all you guys if you then catch it. The concept of having width, width like wide versus having depth. These are two concepts that you can hear him being thrown around, you know, when people describe other people. He's a really wide guy or he's a really deep guy, you know. And what occurred to me was that when you're in sort of the stage in your life, when you haven't had a lot of experience with girls, maybe you've been shy, maybe you just, you know, in high school you decided to really focus hard on school instead of being social. You don't have that with the female species. So when you start going out, it's sort of like your relationship with women is very, very horizontal. It goes forward. When you go out and you get more and more experience to meet more women, you learn more about how these little mechanisms work. And it makes you a really, really wide person. You get a lot of experiences. You meet a lot of people. You probably make a lot of friends. I know for a fact, how many guys go out like on a regular basis? What else? Yeah, so you know probably like after a couple of months, you'll know all the clubs. You'll know exactly where to be on a Tuesday if you want to go out. You might even know a lot of like the bouncers. You'll have a lot of friends that you can, you know, you'll be that guy that everybody's like, oh yeah, my imaginary friend Matt. Everybody knows Matt. I love that guy. He's such a funny guy. That means you're wide. I take pride in being wide. I think, I know, I've studied a lot. I've lived in a lot of places. I've studied a lot of languages. You know, I think it's a great thing. But if you have a lot of width, but no depth as a person, you're gonna be that guy that's like, oh yeah, Matt, I love him, you know, what do you know about Matt? He knows the bouncer at Spy Bar. He can get me in, you know? But if that's it, if that's all you know about Matt, then Matt's not really all that interesting of a person. You know, if you go home and Matt calls you up, he's like, hey man, you know, I'm really tired tonight. You wanna just go out and get a beer, see a movie? You'd be like, no, you know, I don't really know you like that. If you wanna go to a club, yeah, call me then, but you know, otherwise, people have a hard time relating to people. So you're going out a lot, getting a lot of experience. You have a lot of width, horizontal. When you realize that you come to a point, when you start feeling that, you know, I know a lot of people, but I don't really know a lot of people, that's when it might be time for you to shift from going in a horizontal direction to going in a vertical direction, which means that instead of going out every night meeting somebody new, you take the person that you're with right now in this moment and you ask yourself, not like what, how can I get more experience by meeting more people, you ask yourself from this experience, what is, how can I make this the most, you know, potent experience right now? Like what can I learn from this moment right now? How can I make this the best moment that I possibly can? And you start getting depth, you know, you start experiencing more of an emotional connection because if you see two people talking and it's a very shallow conversation, they're talking about the weather, there's not a lot of depth to that conversation. If you start talking, you know, on a more deeper level than all of a sudden emotions get involved and you start realizing, oh man, maybe I'm still really scared of, you know, talking to people because I'm not really feeling confident after a while, I'm letting this person in and it feels wrong, you know, it doesn't feel good. I can say personally that I didn't have a lot of depth when I was going out and this hit me sort of like a brick wall because at one point in my life I was an exchange student living in Leiden in Amsterdam, great city. And in the beginning of the year, the first three months, I went out so much and just from going out, like I had the most amazing social skills ever. Everybody knew me, everybody thought I was awesome. People like honestly, it was crazy and it was a very, very good time. By the end of that exchange year, I felt so lonely and I felt like I'd made so little real connections with people that I was like, what, why? I thought these people were my friends, I thought this is what being social was about and it just made me realize that if you don't actually take the time to make the experience you have with the person right in front of you the best that it can be and you don't put yourself into that experience, you're gonna be losing a huge aspect of the social spectrum. And I had to sit down and I had to learn that just like I learned going out and that it's okay for me to maybe approach a girl at a club, it's okay for me to start a conversation, it's okay for me to be a little cheeky, flirt. These are stuff that I had to learn. I had to also learn to calm the fuck down when I was going out and just not maybe be playing chess in my head all the time about what's gonna happen next but just enjoy the situation for what it is no matter how it turns out. This is a learned skill and just like going out with women you need to probably sit down, buckle down and learn this too. To sort of make my point, I'm talking about relationships and I'm talking specifically about what roles a relationship plays in your life as guys that really wanna learn to sex with women. This is, it's hard to argue that there's a better way to get more depth as a person than being in a relationship where you really do your best to open yourself up to another person and be as forthcoming as you can. And I can imagine that as guys that constantly wanna improve that wanna be the best you can be that you wanna be guys that have depth. You know, you don't wanna be just that guy that has nothing going for himself except that he goes out the clubs all the time that he knows a lot of people. So to develop this really deep sense of, you know, connection to other people being in a relationship can't beat it. Something else that I noticed in people that were, you know, in this sort of body of knowledge, success with women was that they would usually tend to come from, not all, but I can say myself included, they would tend to come from a spectrum of where they would be hypersensitive to what women had to say. You know, if a woman sort of didn't like you, it would really emotionally affect you or you would get crushes that weren't really based on anything. You just saw her for 30 seconds and then you talked yourself into thinking that you were in love with her and it would depress you for days on end. You would just get emotionally crippled. So what guys do is they tend to train themselves to become really emotionally distant from women. They learn how to not be affected by women. This is a great thing if you are, if you don't have the proper emotional responses to a relationship, you need to take that time to sort of distance yourself, realize what you're about and know that it's not that big a deal if she doesn't like you, you'll live. But what I see happening is that guys will numb themselves so much to the point of when they have a girl in their life, they won't know what her purpose is. Like, I don't feel anything. She's just taking up time. I could go do something else with my time that does emotionally stimulate me because I don't really know, I don't really feel anything. This doesn't really give me anything. And this is a terrible thing. In my opinion, at least what I want out of, when I say success with women, in my head it's really living a well-rounded, romantic life with women in it. And I think if you're not emotionally affected by women then you're actually missing out on the biggest part of being with a girl. You're supposed to be emotionally affected by women as a guy that's what you were built for. If I go back to talking about what a woman gives you in your life, those are emotions. She's supposed to make you feel like angry at times, happy at times, want to make you do stuff, want to make you step up, feel really appreciated. These are the emotions that women are supposed to give you. And sometimes through negative emotions, rejection, depression, whatever, she makes you a stronger person. If you're not feeling these things for a woman in your life then you're really missing out on a lot of what it is to be a man. I had some more highlights here about comparing different kinds of relationships. I can just run them through them quickly. A horizontal versus vertical, like I said, more experience versus the best experience. The other one, one is results-oriented. I need results when you are meeting more women. I want, how can I see that I'm improving? Well, if I hook up with more girls, then that means I'm getting, I'm improving. Whilst the other one is the girls that I am hooking up with, how good of a time am I having with them? Quantity versus quality. So these are really, really important points to think about and if you can't really imagine yourself being in a relationship or you don't know what the point of one is, think about it, think about these, why are you here? Why do you want to get better with women? Why do you go out so many nights in the week and talk to so many of them? Of course, there's the primal physical urge you know, for intimacy. I don't know how much I can say on, you know. Say whatever you want. Say whatever you want. Of course you want to have sex with women. That's what drives you. It's a biological, it's a biological need. And it's one of the primal things that drive you. But if that's the only thing that drives you, you're gonna realize that it's gonna be shallow. And a lot of times if you can't learn to harness, if you can only harness shallow motivations in your life, then you're gonna be also doing shallow things and you know, throughout your life. You're never actually gonna do anything with yourself that took that really digging deep down, I had to buckle down. Like Anthony, you know, about this convention. If Anthony only had shallow motivations that he would have just been like, oh, it was a nice idea, but I guess it's not gonna happen. Learning how to harness these really, really deep emotions, it's what's gonna come, like what you're gonna take away from the success with women community and really implement it in the other areas of your life. Ideally, you should be coming out of this with more than just knowing how to go to a club, knowing how to open a girl and taking her home. Because let's face it, you don't, you're not gonna wanna be going to clubs five nights a week for the rest of your life. You just not, you, at some point, if you don't develop these sort of internal, you know, pointers, then you're gonna come out of this and you know, you could have hooked up with a massive amount of women throughout your journey, but then on the other end, you come out and you still don't really know how to, you know, hold a regular conversation outside of a club that isn't super hyped up and, you know, full of whatever little nonsense, nonsense. Then you're gonna feel really jaded. You're gonna feel let down by this, you know. There was a promise to you that one day you could be, you know, you can have a life that you have that is handled and you come out and you're gonna be really angry. You're probably gonna be angry, not always, but I see a lot of guys that they blame the success with women, you know, body of knowledge for the fact that they're not happy. There was a question posted me a couple of weeks ago where a guy asked, do you have to go through this deep intense journey with not, you know, having any success with women to having a lot of success with women? And that was a great question. No, you don't. You don't have to go through the journey. Some guys that I see, they take a boot camp, they come in and they're all willy-nilly guns ablaze in the club and they get the girls and it's really easy and I'm like, damn it, like, I'm happy for you, man. And I am, you know, it doesn't really matter because it just took other guys a little longer. But the thing is, you know, these sort of guys, they'll hook up with a few girls and then a little bit later just be like, but I'm still not happy, you know? I'm not happy. It's, I thought this would make me happy. There must be something wrong with the content. The community like this success with women knowledge is letting me down. Scrap it onto the next thing. The guys that don't have the initial success, they have the intro girl a little bit, little by little, little by little. Those are the guys that are gonna stick in for the long run. And to really get to that point where, you know, you have an abundance of girls in whatever shape that like, that is in your life. If it is a lot of women or if it's one woman or whatever, those are gonna be the guys that develop a lot of these skills like hanging in there, you know, digging deep, even when you feel like you're never gonna get this, just keep going. And ultimately that's what you want. You know, that's the kind of, that's the kind of stuff that you wanna learn. And you're not gonna learn it unless you really go into this stuff on a deeper level than just going out to clubs and meeting a whole bunch of women. So that was my little sort of segment on one-on-one relationships. In closing, I wanna say, I don't think there's, I know a lot of guys here are like, what if I have multiple long-term relationships, you know, with my primary blah blah blah and then hooking up with another girl on the weekend, every other weekend. I think that's great. You know, I have nothing against that. If you wanna do that, you should totally do that. And I think there could be a lot of happy people involved in one of those relationships. But if you don't know how to be in a one-on-one monogamous relationship and just make that work, and then all of a sudden you like take the leap to having a harem, then you're not gonna really be able to know how to handle those girls and it's just, you're gonna start presenting them, they're gonna start resenting you and the whole relationship is gonna just turn toxic. So if you want that multiple long-term relationship and you want it for real, not just to impress your friends or whatever, then start with one girl, see if you can make it work and then if at some point you realize I need more, then move on, just move on. So that's what I have to say about that. That was my segment on relationships. I hope that I said something that you can learn from and it maybe made you think, even though maybe you're not ready for a relationship right now, you're still in that phase where you need to party a lot and meet a lot of people that at the end of the tunnel maybe the next step will be defining something a little more stable. How am I doing on time, Matt? The next thing I wanna talk about was lifestyle and when a lot of the stuff that I was planning on talking about sort of interweave itself to relationship, now I realized because how you do one thing in life is how you do everything in life. At least that's how I feel and how you interact with women ideally should be how you interact with everything else, how you do your school work, how you work, everything. That being said, I did have some stuff that I really realized now five years along the road that I didn't really see starting out and one of them was goals and what you're supposed to do with them. On my last speech I talked about goals. Every single, my friend once called me the self-help poster child because I loved learning about this stuff. I would obsessively read time management manuals and all sorts of things and even when it wasn't really working out the best, I'm like, no, man, no, I'll get it to work, it's just me, I need to be more dedicated and focused and goals, God knows, everybody tells you how to have goals, you gotta just have goals. If you don't have goals, you don't know where you're going. Something though that people neglected to tell me or just that I didn't realize or maybe I was just too young, I hadn't really achieved anything big in my life was that there's a lot of different outcomes and I think people, when they see a goal, they think it's either achieved or it's failed and that's all there is to it. But it's not like that. As you go on and you start having success in anything you do in life, it might be successful women or something else, sport, starting a business, whatever. When you start realizing, wow, I'm actually moving towards achieving my goals, you start realizing that the vision that you had in the beginning isn't really what you wanted. It's not what you wanted, it's what you thought you wanted because of external factors or circumstances. But as you move closer towards it, these goals start dissolving. You realize that maybe I didn't need that in my life and I think a great example, I couldn't have picked one better if I tried was when Anthony was up here and he said, you know, I got on this path of trying to improve my life with women and I don't really, I'm talking about you. Yeah, good cue. I didn't really feel that I did achieve it 100% but it doesn't matter because I moved on to other things. That is a prime example of how Anthony, he thought he wanted something, he went for it and at some point he just dissolved it. He's like, you know what, maybe I don't need to walk into a club at any time, any moment, see a supermodel and pick her up. Even though that's what he started out with, he's like, I'm not gonna stop until I can get any girl I want in any club. But you start realizing these things that you thought were your real true goals were just more maybe a result of you feeling an emotional pain and you wanted to change it and you think that having these sort of outcomes will change it and what's really important is that when you reach a point where you start feeling one of your goals is either being achieved or it's even being dissolved, then the worst thing you can do is really try to hammer it out and be like, no, I'm not gonna give up, I'm just gonna push through this with sheer force because I don't think that's a natural way to go about these things. And I think one guy actually told me, he was like, why are you being so negative? Why are you telling people they can't achieve what they want? Why do you need to be such a downer? If that's how I come across, I apologize because that's not at all what I wanna say to you guys. I think you should set goals and you should go for them 100%. But once you realize that you can really achieve, quote unquote, anything that you set your mind to, cliche, but once you really understand that I have what it takes to make stuff happen, but it does take a massive amount of energy, time, and focus and it's not a walk on roses, then you start being very, very discriminating with your goals. You know what, maybe I had a goal of being like a super millionaire, but now that I realize that it's gonna take years of hard work, pain, and just ups and downs and not really knowing, then you go, I'm gonna start focusing on something else. And the journey, the highs and the lows and the pains are never gonna go away, but you get a lot more focusing on what it is you really want, what it is that makes you happy and you start going for it. Everybody's not gonna be able to achieve everything just because there's a time limit, there's a physically time limit, you're not gonna live to be 200 years old, you can't do anything, everything. But I definitely think that any individual, something they really pick and they really go for it, can make it happen and extraordinary things. Another thing actually that Anthony talked about, I'm playing a lot off your speech now, he said you have to be an original thinker, you have to be an original thinker and not be swayed by influences. And I agree with this. And he had his own version about how he achieved this by isolating himself and really being self-reflective. I achieved this in a different fashion. I achieved this actually through starting to achieve stuff in my life that I wanted, realized that a lot of the stuff that I thought I wanted in the past wasn't stuff that I wanted at all, that it was influenced by my parents, society around me, my friends, stuff like that. And when I realized these things, I sort of started to unplug from what other people wanted for me and I started thinking for myself, what do I want for me? So developing this sort of original thinking path came through the process of achieving. You know, you go out, you set these goals and you go for them. I've completely switched into a new field now. I'm trying to start a business. I'm trying to start sort of like an entrepreneurship thing and I'm going into this thing called Turkey. You know? And it's sort of the same thing all over again with starting out with learning how to pick up girls. You come into it. You don't know anything ideally and you just hammer away and you take it. And it's been invaluable for me going through this process of improving myself as a guy, learning success with women, because now that I take on these other projects, I know that I have the skills to actually get tangible results. And if you look at a lot of guys that are doing this, you'll notice that you'll start off working with stuff that's really about you, that you wanna get something for you, you wanna get more women, you wanna blah, blah, blah, blah. You wanna do a lot of stuff, but once you really feel sort of that sense of, wow, I can do this, it starts transferring into I wanna give to other people. I wanna make stuff that helps other people because once you have that internal, like you've set yourself, I'm happy with who I am and then I can just take it from there, then you start realizing that I can sort of take what I have on the inside and try to do something for other people and give value in a bigger context. Anthony's doing it through this convention. I'm doing it through my endeavors. One of my biggest goals is that I don't wanna sell out, no, okay, it's kind of cheesy, but I wanna make sort of like an entrepreneurship thing while it's still fun. I'm doing it with my friends and hard work, but still putting my own twist to it and giving value in my own way. So that's come all through achieving and dissolving goals. To wrap it up, I don't know, there was another question posted to me by a guy that asked, can anybody really do this? Can anybody get success with women and get a whole bunch of girls and get their romantic life handled? And at the time, I didn't really wanna be very harsh, but I thought about it and what I've realized in my own life is there are no guarantees about anything. I have a lot of really big, big things I wanna do with my life and I realized that if I do achieve these things, it's so unlikely that I will achieve these things that if I started thinking that I'm entitled to them, I would become very bitter because I would feel like, why aren't I getting what I'm entitled to? And at the same way is when you start realizing that you're not entitled to, nothing's gonna be given to you that you have to step up and you have to take it for yourself than a lot of that pressure on you or that trying to live up to something that you're not kind of drops away and it makes the whole process a lot more enjoyable. So I guess it's kind of a juxtaposition. It's the pressing in one way but also very, very liberating in another way. That's about the points I wanted to make. I really wanna talk about relationships and how they've affected me and hopefully shed some light on it for you and also I wanted to shed some light on how coming out of this has affected my view on everything that I do in life. That being said, since I don't know if I'm gonna get a chance to be up here again in Orlando, I really... Regardless, I wanna thank Anthony for giving me the chance to be up here. I wanna thank all my friends in the U.S. and in Sweden for coming out and supporting me. It's been really great and I really wanna thank my family, my mom, my dad, my sister for making me the guy. For being the guy I am. Can we edit that? Edit that out. Thanks. So that's what I had to say. I hope you guys enjoyed my speech and right on. Thanks a lot. Should we do a... Does anybody have any questions? Yeah. And how it's affecting you but you said you first need to have a one-on-one monogamous relationship. If you wanna have a polygam... What's the word in English? Polygam? Polygamous. Polygamous relationship. But I've had troubles with a monogamous relationship, a one-on-one. But I went to a coach and it was about my divorce with my parents and stuff. But now I have an open relationship with a woman and it works out. Can you tell us something? Do you have an open relationship on your own? I do not. I have a monogamous relationship at the moment. Did you have an open relationship? I've had periods in my life where we didn't actually label it as a relationship but I was reoccurling and dating a lot of women and one time so I've had that for months on end. I would be seeing the same couple of girls for maybe a few months. But you didn't put in the label relationship? Yeah, we never actually, you know... Yeah, it was complicated. Complicated. Now but yeah, we never labeled it as a polygamous relationship but I've been in situations where I've been with more than one girl at a time. Okay, because my point of view is that you can have a monogamous relationship but I don't think it's... First it's a monogamous relationship and then a polygamist. I think it's the other way around because it's the way to bonding it's very tough for, I don't know, I speak for myself but for the most of the guys it's very tough to bond, you know? I think first you have to have a lot of choices. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. Put it that way. So an open relationship is, I think it's the other way around, you know? From open and then to monogamous. Right. What's your point of view on that? I think there's a discrepancy in how we view polygamist relationship. I do agree with you on the fact that you do need to have choices and like I said, with. Yeah. For me, that came in the shape of going out a lot, meaning a lot of girls I'm not so much into just bringing a girl home for one night and then, you know, go on the next. So I would often see the girls that I would meet out. I would often like stay with them. That's how I got my sort of choices. Well, no, my girlfriend came in after my current girlfriend, I was sort of I was sort of phasing out a little bit from going out so aggressively and I wasn't really looking any more for this like over and over meeting more girls and then it just sort of, we met and it was sort of right timing for the both of us because I was sort of coming down from the hardcore partying scene and so was she and it just sort of clicked between us. Yeah, I understand what you're saying. I think what I'm trying to point out is that if you want those, and you might have this, you might have this. I'm only speaking for myself but the monogamous or the polygamist relationships that are really like built to last and maybe you can have a girl that's living with you and you're gonna have kids but then you still have... Sex with another woman. Yeah, yeah, put it bluntly but still like to make it emotionally comfortable for everyone. It's honesty, right? Right, and I think that comes from maybe learning I think it's easier to learn it with one woman at a time just because it gives you your whole focus on her but that being said, you know, to each his own. To each his own. I think it's for everyone, yes. Because I think honesty, you have to be real clear honest to yourself, not to her, but to yourself. If you're honest to yourself, then you can be honest to her. But most guys in the community, they're not really honest to themselves. They're not very, that tends to be... I think that is a reflection of, you know, it's a little scary opening yourself up and really showing who you are, of course. And like you said, this is a learned trade. Being honest to yourself is something you learn, at least something I had to learn. You don't have to tell others, but in your mind, you have to know what you want and... You have to be comfortable with it. Yeah, comfortable with it, yes. And after that, you can choose whatever you want, like a monomagous race or a polygamous... Right, whatever polygamous, multiple... Multiple corpus. You're right, and something that I realized was that I kept trying to enter into a monogamous relationship because I really wanted to explore that part, and I kept meeting girls that I wasn't really clicking with, that I wasn't really working out with, and I was thinking, why am I meeting these girls that I'm not really all that attracted to? And I realized, because I wasn't really being myself, I wasn't really being open 100% of the time, and then so I would meet these girls that would become interested of a person who I wasn't, and then it just never worked out. Okay, I know it is. Right, now it's working out. Okay. Well, that's my question. Somebody else? If I understand you correctly, it's some sort of balance. I mean, you put it versus each other, but it's more like being both. In what respect? Like being with and high, they have to within the height at the same time. I mean, I don't want to be arrogant, but I think I'm being a bit on that level that I have some sort of depth and some sort of width, but I just want to be more comfortable with myself and like being more myself in any way. Yeah. So you're saying maybe that you have a little bit of width and you have a little depth, but you prefer to work on one, like you want a little bit more of the width? No, I, hmm. Yeah, I know, it's hard. It's an ambiguous topic to speak about, but. No, I just want to work on being more of myself. Yeah, definitely. And that, I think maybe that you're in a period of your life where you need to learn more about yourself and success like the whole community, learning game, like I said, is an excellent way to learn about yourself. I think primarily we're all here because we want more, more width, more of the going out and meeting a lot of women. But I think very easily it gets overshadowed, like more width gets priority over depth. And so if you're at a point in your life where you need to meet more women, you totally should do that. But just remember at some point, you're probably going to want to shift into deepening your relationships a little bit more. So you got to do whatever you feel is right for you. I hope that explained it. I feel like it's a very big topic and it's hard to put concrete answers to it. Thanks. Absolutely. You know, I think it's interesting that you point out that for you, one of the roles of women in a relationship is making you a better man. Do you have any examples of how taking out the trash for instance has made you a better man? I think it would be interesting to know. That's a really great question actually. I wanted to talk about that during my speech, but I guess I didn't get to it or I forgot about it. It was fun because I sort of got into a relationship right when my friend Eric got into a relationship and I remember we were both kind of looking for jobs at that time and it was hard for both of us. And I remember, you know, we were both trying to stay strong because it was hard. You know, being unemployed is a hard thing to do. And what I was hearing sometimes, what happened was that from his, that's exactly what I, is it okay? Yeah, I was like, oh my God, I'm going to start talking about him and what I would hear was that she would be sort of like, oh, it's okay baby, you'll find a job tomorrow, blah blah blah. And he was like, I'm not really getting, like I want her to be more firm with me. I want her to really make me step up and I'm not getting that from her. And then I sort of saw it in my own relationship where the girl that I'm with doesn't necessarily put words on. She doesn't ever say take out the trash or suck it up and go get a job. But it's sort of like, I know how it feels between us when we're having a really good time and when everything is really going really well. And then if I somehow start playing mind games in my head and I'm not being the best that I can be, that sort of chemistry between us will go flat. And when it goes flat, I can just intuitively sense, all right, why aren't we connecting as we used to? And the most glaring example for me was, I remember at one point I was having all these little mind games where I was thinking, I'm not, my clothes aren't like, oh, I should have switched my shirt because this shirt isn't nice, my hair isn't, I didn't style my hair. And then I just realized that I was thinking this and I was like, this is bullshit. I need to drop these mental head games right now and I dropped them and I sort of just felt like the spark just re-ignite. And I'm like, wow, look at that. When I actually take the time and I just step up and I drop all this ambiguity, this nonsense, this like being less than I am, then it feels a lot better for me and I can't speak for her, but I enjoy our relationship a lot more. And that's really like the guiding compass within that relationship is sort of the feeling between you and sometimes I notice it, sometimes I notice when I'm playing head games, sometimes I don't, but what I have noticed is that I've become a lot less self-conscious and less ambiguous with who I am because of hanging out with her and then realizing, oh, something's off and then realizing that I'm not stepping up. So in a sense she becomes like a mirror and she gives you some perspective. That's a perfect way. She's a very, very, she's like a mirror and it's not like a mirror where she says like, you're not doing that right or she's saying something to you, like, you know, specifically, but it's just sort of more like you could feel that it's not all that it could be. And, you know, I'm very conscious of this. I think about this stuff and I think for another guy, if he doesn't know, maybe he hasn't, you know, really thought about this, he might think that, oh, you know, she's, something's wrong with her or something's wrong with me or, you know, he might blame it on underfactors and who knows, maybe I haven't gotten this right, but it just makes so much more sense to me that when it's not really 100% between you and your girlfriend, then the best thing that you can do is really check yourself. Look into that mirror and check yourself and see, am I playing some sort of head games? Am I really being like the guy that I'm supposed to be? Very good question. Awesome, anybody else? Hi. Hi. I wonder if you could say something about what do you think the purpose of having width is. So I will explain that a little bit. As I heard you say, you said like, your journey? You came from very, very little width and depth. Yeah. And then you went through a period where you had a lot of experience and you experienced width. Yeah. And then you suddenly felt like you were kind of a shallow person and you wanted depth. So you went for depth and you got the depth. Right. So in the end, you realized that going out and having like partying every night and everything was not like the end goal. Right. So it's, you don't want to do that your whole life. Let's say that you already feel, you have had a long relationship and you feel you have certain amount of depth or a lot of depth, let's say, but you feel that you want the width. And when you hear you're saying like, okay, you have the depth already, which is like the end goal, maybe not the end goal. Not the end goal, but you want to well round and balanced. But you still feel you're lacking the width. So you go back and you fix the width and then you find out, okay, but I wanted the depth, which I ordered ahead. So what about the width in that kind of scenario? Do you understand me there? Sort of what I'm getting from you is that you're sort of lacking balance in the two and like balancing the two out. The way that I interpret it is that width comes from more experiences. If you go out and you live in a lot of countries and you speak a lot of languages, you play a lot of instruments, then you're going to be able to connect with a lot of people surface very on a shallow level. But you're not going to be, they're going to maybe talk to you about, oh yeah, I play an instrument too. And you can have a little chat about instruments, but you're not going to really be able to understand how they feel about what they do and how they do it. And I think the balance comes in, you know, who knows if I, you always have to work at this and I'm probably going to go out of balance at some point in my life again. It's just, it's a journey, but it's a maintenance thing. You go out and then you find a partner that sort of, you know, she's a balanced person as well. And then you just do your best to maintain it over time. If you feel yourself getting too, like too narrow, then you go out and you do some more stuff. And if you feel yourself getting too shallow, then you know, you start focusing on that part of your life. But it's never like, it's not, it's like you said, it's not a goal. It's never going to be like, now I'm the ultimate balanced person. It's always going to be a lifelong journey of working at it. Sometimes you're going to be in a relationship. Sometimes you're not going to be in a relationship. Sometimes you're going to be doing a lot of stuff and sometimes you're not going to be doing so much. Yeah, I agree. I think that like the, you went through the width first and then you lack the depth and you went for the depth and then you kind of reach the situation where I have a girlfriend one-on-one, so to speak. And I think it's important to have, you can have that relationship. You can even start out with that relationship one, one-on-one. It's a great relationship. You have everything. You have the depth. You can talk freely to your girl and everything, but you still have the, I think Anthony said, like the dark cloud. You're following around. Yeah, you don't feel you have the choices or something lacking and that's kind of, so you can go the other way. You have the depth, but you want, and then you go for the width and then come back to the depth. Yeah, it's the art of living, balancing it out, living a balanced life. It's very rare to meet a person that's balanced completely and I think that's what we all should ideally be working for. Thanks. I just got the flashlight, so I think that about wraps it up. If there are any more questions, anybody else? You got a question, guys. There'll be a Q and a panel, so if you guys have something for many of the speakers, just write it down and then, you know. Okay, hi Dan, Martin. One, two. Or I don't know him. I have no idea what this person is. We know each other. About the goals. Do you think you should always try to find new goals? Like is it sort of a limit? Like find three or four goals and work hard on those or just pick 10 random topics? I think when you have a goal in your life and you're working really hard towards it, you can just sense that your life is sort of enriched with a greater meaning and things are better. But even when you're done with something and you don't, or like I said, you dissolved it, you no longer are involved with it, you are gonna go through these periods of ambiguity when you don't know what you wanna do. But even within that ambiguity, there's always the goal of just like eventually finding the next, I don't wanna be like that next thing, next thing, next thing, but even in that ambiguity, you know that sooner or later, something's gonna pop into your life that you really wanna work on, that you really wanna focus on. And you should take that time to just relax and don't force it, is how I've dealt with it in the past. So yeah. Okay, thanks. Rock on, man. That's it. Cool. Can you talk a bit about your, the lifestyle of living and the depth you have because you talk about within depth, but you never really went into like how you get that depth. Right, how to get that, I guess that's a good point. I didn't really touch on that. I just sort of assumed that it would be clear, but with, like I said, briefly comes from the more stuff you do, the more width you get, the more you go out, the more you know. Depth comes from more, when you stop focusing on, I need more experiences, I need to do more stuff, and you start focusing on the experience that I have right now, how can I derive as much as I possibly can from it? How can I make this experience right now the most pleasurable, the most, if it's a negative experience, how can I make it the most, how can I learn the most from it? How can I really, instead of thinking about what you're gonna do next, like oh I'm scared because this is gonna, or I can't wait to get this boring, you start really focusing on the thing that you're doing, and in our context, since this is more of geared towards success with women, obviously I describe it through a relationship, then instead of a lot of women, you focus on how can I make this the best possible moment with one woman, and that's really, I found, gives you that depth when you try to gain the most you can out of the experiences you have, instead of having more experience and then maybe not really deriving everything you could from them. What are you doing in the relationships to get more depth? It's quite vague, in my opinion. I guess that's true. I wouldn't wanna label myself as any sort of relationship guru, or not even close to that, but what you do in a relationship is gonna be individual from person to person, but what you do when, like, how you feel about that relationship, if you're bored, then something's wrong. If you're, you know, if it's not working out with the two of you, something's wrong, and you need to look towards yourself, why am I thinking this? Am I bored because, oh no, you know, am I bored because I feel that I need more and more and more all the time because I have a sense of lack, or am I not happy because, you know, it could be a lot of reasons, but generally what you do in a relationship, I'm not gonna tell you, I'm not gonna tell you what you should do in a relationship. I don't really, like, I haven't really thought about that. To gain the depth though, you should really start looking at more what am I feeling right now, and if you're not, like, having an awesome time with, and if you're not having, like, feeling good emotions, then generally something's not working out there, you know, and you're not getting everything that you can, or if you're not, you know, on the flip side, positive emotions on the flip side of that is if you're not learning and growing into a better person, then something's generally not going right there. Yeah, of course it could be a whole bunch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I just said, I mean, when you mentioned me and my ex, I felt like when I didn't have a job, I really wanted her to be firm with me and force me to step up like a man. I think it was like a lack of polarity, right? She was like, oh, she was treating me like, kind of like a woman, like, oh, you know, like, oh, it's gonna be all right, you'll find something soon, you're such a good person, like, oh, oh, oh. And I really wanted more of a kick in the ass, right? I wanted her to force me into that pole, like the masculine, like, just go get him, be that guy, and then for her to take my complimentary opposite and be the woman instead of, you know, treating me like a kid. So maybe something like that. I think. No, no, I wanted her to force me into the masculine. Yeah, for like 10 seconds. She just kicks me and then she goes back. You walked in a little bit late, and you missed that. In the beginning, I said like, the woman's contribution to a man is that she forces him to improve himself upon himself. And you know, maybe she wasn't doing that ideally. Yeah. And I think that's a very feminine trait, you know, it might sound masculine, but I think that's the feminine's role. Yeah. We can talk about that off, yeah, at lunch or something. So I hope you guys got something from this. You know, maybe I was a little vague sometimes or didn't really get my point across, but I hope that you learned from what I had to say. And again, I'm really happy to have the chance to talk with you. Thanks. Thanks, guys.