 Hello there, my beautiful, lovely, delightful internet friends. Welcome back to my channel. Thank you so much for joining me here today on Footless Joe, where I am still Joe and I am still missing a foot, as you can very clearly see right there. I don't know about you, but I've really been enjoying the tier ranking videos that we've been doing. I've also been watching other people ranking things. I'm not entirely sure why I find it interesting to watch people rank things, but I do. So with that being said, we have another tier listing, tier ranking video coming today. This one specifically on chronic pain and chronic illness. The worst things that people say to those of us who are dealing with chronic pain or chronic illness. I have personally dealt with chronic neck pain and migraines for the past 15 plus years of my life, and I have had all of these things said to me at one time or another. As we dive in today, I would like to remind you that of course this is simply my opinion, my two cents. None of this is said in anger or animosity. I think people say a lot of things trying to help and sometimes those things do not come across quite the right way. So I see these videos as a way to sort of spread a educational viewpoint perhaps. Take it if you'd like, leave it if you don't like it. With that being said, let's dive into some of these juicy sayings. Things like, you're too young to be sick. Have you tried just seeing a therapist? I know how you feel. And more of the top hits. Let us begin with one of my absolute favorites, but you don't look sick. I have never really looked sick. Now clearly you can tell I'm missing a leg now that's not being sick. That's just a body part being chopped off. But the many years that I've been really sick or in a lot of pain, people have often said this to me because I don't present like a sick person. I look like your average human being. This one's going to shoot almost to the top and I'm just going to go category. I realize that this is generally meant kind of as a compliment. Like maybe you feel bad, but at least you don't look like you feel bad. But the reality is that this kind of diminishes what someone is going through. The idea that you have to look a certain way to truly be suffering is something that's pretty hard to fight against and making comments like, but you don't look sick. Like you're looking good. You should be fine. It's really hard to hear that when you are really struggling, really suffering, really having a hard time. I know how you feel. We're going to put that in the eye. I appreciate you maybe never saying that because here's the thing and believe me, I am guilty of this in many situations, but telling someone that you understand how they feel can often be like an attempt at connection and like being there and empathizing. However, if you have not dealt with constantly being in pain or constantly dealing with some kind of illness, it's a really hard thing to conceptualize. It's a very different animal than just getting sick. It's very different than breaking your arm and being in pain for a month or two. When someone is dealing with something chronic that's prolonged, there is a whole other bag of things both mental and physical that they have to deal with. So if whatever pain or illness that's in the conversation has not actually been experienced by you, I generally think it's a good rule of thumb not to suggest that you get it because it's very possible that you don't. You're looking a lot better. Here's the thing with this. This looks innocuous enough. On the surface, I fully realize that this looks and seems like a sweet thing to say. Like, hey, you're looking like you're looking good. You're looking good. Your cheeks are rosy. Like I'm glad to see that you're looking good today. However, this is going to go right into the why God category. The reason for that, I've had doctors and people who are close to me and friends and all variety of people tell me this on days when I am really, really not okay. When I am fighting to hold a conversation, to smile, to put words together. When all I want to do is take a lot of pain medications and sleep for days to hopefully wake up out of the pain that I am in. And when someone, when I'm in that state is like, hey, you're looking a lot better. You know, good for you. It's really disheartening. It also in a weird way feels bad to disappoint them and be like, no, actually, it's a really bad day. So generally I would just like not smile like, hey, thanks. I appreciate the sentiment. But internally, this has kind of always been a hard one for me to deal with. Get better soon. I know a lot of other chronic pain and chronic illness patients who would rate this way higher. I'm going to put this into, I can tell you're trying. A lot of people don't truly understand chronic illness or chronic pain. You know, why would they, if they haven't experienced it? And telling someone to get better soon is a really common thing in our society. If someone's sick, I hope you get better soon. There's a whole section of get better soon cards at Walmart. This is a normal sentiment to express. However, when something is chronic, there's a really good chance that it's not going to go away, that it's not going to get better. And suggesting that like, get better soon can kind of feel like a gut punch when you know it's not going to. Nothing against someone saying this. I realize it's well intentioned, but oftentimes it can kind of hurt. It could be a lot worse. Listen, I realize you guys are probably tired of seeing this in my tier listings, but I'm not going to let it go. This is also going to go straight to why God. I really don't like the comparative suffering thing that so many people do, that many of us do, suggesting that because someone else has it worse, you should be having a better time dealing with your situation or you should be more grateful or it shouldn't be as hard because other people are having a harder time. The reality is that the suffering of other people does not diminish the difficulty of what you are experiencing. Is it good to generally keep perspective? Absolutely, but I can pretty much guarantee you that nobody who is dealing with chronic pain or chronic illness needs to hear it could be worse. It's probably filling the blank. I'm going to put this in, I can tell you're trying. I've had a lot of people diagnose me, whether it be at like a work party or a business function or a friend of a friend who happens to hear symptoms that I've been dealing with and is like, here, I know what you have because a friend had this thing that kind of sounds like it. And so that's what it is. You're welcome. You're cured. When people say this again, I realize that the intention is good behind it. I really do. But the idea that you know more than all of the doctors we are most likely seeing is, it's very small. There's a chance. There's definitely a chance, but it's really tiny. And also what you're suggesting we probably have already looked into. Have you ever tried filling the blank, the cabbage diet, essential oils, meditation, yoga? The list goes on and on and on. That goes in. I'd appreciate it if you never said that kind of category. About 90% of the time, I think this is someone legitimately trying to help because they see that you're hurting or you're suffering or having a hard time. They're like, what about, what about this thing that I heard about, right? Like maybe that could help you. It's an honest attempt most of the time to aid or help someone. However, at a certain point, generally that point comes if you've dealt with something chronic for more than a year or two, you've looked into the vast majority of things and people's continual suggestions of, look into this, try this, try this. When you've either tried those things or you know they are not going to work for you or you're exhausted at trying all those things, it can be kind of hard to hear. For me personally, I got to the point where if someone suggested something for me to try, I would sincerely thank them. I appreciate you wanting to offer help. Let them know it's something I've tried or I haven't tried, but that suggestions are just a little bit overwhelming right now and so I appreciate it, but you know let's not continue that part of the conversation kind of thing. But you're too young to be sick. Very similar to that you don't look sick. I've honestly gotten this one a lot as well because again, I'm under 30. I'm 29, I'm almost 30. It's still technically under 30. But I started dealing with the problems that I have faced when I was 13. So I was like a kid when a lot of the chronic pain started. So if people heard about it or I mentioned it and their reaction was you're too young to be sick, it was really frustrating because I'm like I know, I know in theory I should be too young to be sick or hurting and yet I am only 15 or 17 or 22 and this is happening to me. It is real. I wish I lived in the reality where I was too young for these things to happen. However, that's not the world that I live in and it can be kind of painful when people suggest that you're not or you shouldn't be experiencing what you're experiencing because of your age because the reality is that chronic pain and chronic illness affect a lot of different people across the age spectrum. Aren't you worried about taking meds long term? I'm gonna put that in that I can tell you're trying. People will bring this up as legitimate concern and they brought it up to me as a legitimate concern a wide variety of times. I was on a heavy medications for many years. The reality is that if you are someone who needs medication to function or to manage your symptoms, in most cases there are side effects. There are long term effects that do need to be considered. However, if someone is on some kind of medication, first of all, unless they've invited you into that conversation that's not really your place to comment on. But secondly, if someone is taking a medication that has side effects and risks, chances are it's because they really need it and being reminded of the fact that they are sacrificing potentially something in the future down the road so that they can function today is really not helpful and again is something that can be pretty hurtful too. But you're still able to work so I'm just gonna go. That's the category we're gonna place this one in. Oftentimes people who are dealing with chronic pain and chronic illnesses do have to work still whether it's part-time, whether it's on a modified schedule, whether it's neither one of those things and they have to push through and it's really difficult. Work has been something I have been ridiculously grateful to have but it's also been one of the largest struggles with my physical health because when what you need to do is rest and what you need to do is lay down and what you need to do is have the time to go to doctor's appointments to go to treatments to all of that and you can't do that because of your job because you have to make money to pay for all of the doctor's visits and treatments. It is this really really difficult spiral and the reality is is that not everybody dealing with something like this can not work even if that's what would be best for their bodies, for their minds, for their health. But have you tried seeing a therapist? Now I want to put a quick caveat on this before I actually rank it anywhere. I am a huge advocate for therapy. Therapy has helped me in so many ways with so many different things. I believe it is a massively beneficial thing to a lot of people. I'm grateful to have had access to it in many points in my life. However, when you are dealing with physical issues, health issues and someone's suggestion is have you tried talking to a counselor? Generally speaking this is coming from a place of not truly believing that what you're dealing with is real. I'm going to pop this one up into I'd appreciate you never saying that. Again, most of the time when someone is suggesting this, at least to me, let me know your experience if it's different in the comments down below. It's expressed in a way to suggest that whatever you are experiencing is all in your head as in it's not really real. It's not really a medical problem. You should just talk to someone about that for your mental issues. Unfortunately, that has been suggested to me a number of times and it's been one of the hardest things to fight against because when you are dealing with chronic pain or chronic illness, especially if you're trying to find the reason for it or solution for it, it's easy to feel like you're crazy because you are the only person experiencing this. And if you do not have a diagnosis that's easily shown on some kind of physical test, I have found myself in so many moments wondering if I was just going nuts, like if I was just insane because I didn't have answers for the reasons that I felt so terrible and in a difficult time functioning in the world and working and getting out of bed and all of that. Can therapy help with chronic pain and chronic illness? Absolutely. It has personally impacted me with both of those things in a very, very positive way. However, if it's being suggested with a tone of perhaps this is all in your crazy brain and isn't actually real, that is so, so detrimental and so harmful to here. We're also going to say the best for last on this one, but you should get tested for insert obvious thing. For instance, oftentimes people would suggest that I ask my doctor to get tested for like iron levels or something like that. Things that average people have heard about and like, hey, maybe you should try getting tested for that. Again, this is well-meaning, so I'm going to put this in. I really can tell that you're trying. However, with that being said, again, if someone is dealing with something that is chronic, chances are though, not always, other doctor has run basic tests, the basic tests that you are aware of. Sometimes I run into this like insinuation that like, I've got it, you need to get tested for iron because your iron's low and that's the reason you're feeling all of this stuff. You're welcome. I solved it, right? Like, there's this attitude of almost arrogance with like, this is the thing you're dealing with. Just go get tested for it. That's probably it. When someone is not a medical professional and does not know your full medical history or the extent of what you're dealing with, it's just not my favorite thing to hear. That's all. It's just not my favorite. And our grand finale. Are you better yet? Yes, indeed, this is going straight to the top. It is our grand winner. The vast majority of the time if someone is consistently dealing with some kind of chronic problem, the reality is that many chronic problems do not go away. There may not be a way to get better. It may just be something that needs to be dealt with. There are tools for managing symptoms or tools for coping with it, but there isn't really a better. I'll be honest, this one just kind of straight up sucks to hear when you know that the problem that you are facing or the pain that you are in probably isn't going away. Like being reminded of the fact that it's not and having to tell someone, no, I'm still not better. I'm still hurting or I'm still sick or I'm still dealing with this. It's just kind of a stark reminder of the circumstances that you are in. Some days that's really hard to hear. I realize yet again, I have put nothing in the green category at the bottom of just like, hey, thanks. There are a lot of positive things you can say to people who are dealing with chronic pain or chronic illness. I think for me, the biggest thing is, wow, I'm really sorry you're dealing with that. That must be really difficult. Just any kind of expression of compassion or sympathy is really easy to do and really helpful. So many of these statements that we've just gone through deal with trying to make something better or fix it. When again, you probably can't. So just letting someone know that like, you recognize that that's probably hard. Being there for them in whatever way that looks like can be really, really helpful. For those of us who do deal with chronic pain and chronic illness, what are some of your favorite and or least favorite things to hear from people? Let me know in the comment section down below. I would love to hear from you. My Patreon's over on Patreon. I owe you a debt of gratitude eternally. Thank you for supporting this channel. Thank you for your lovely words on the community we have there. If you're interested in what Patreon is, check out the link on screen or down below. And most importantly to you, watching this video right now, thank you for spending a few minutes out of your day here with me today. You could be anywhere in the world doing anything. And you chose to hang out with me for a few minutes and rank things that people say that people who are dealing with chronic illnesses. So I really appreciate you. I love you guys. I'm thinking about you and I will see you in the next video. Bye guys.