 Well it is so fun to be here. This is so exciting. You know we were talking at dinner about how many of us have been here before when was our first time and I remember coming to this conference back in my previous life long before I studied theology in my corporate world days. I came to this very conference was sitting in those seats just so excited so eager to learn how to defend the Catholic faith and apologetics and and then I came every year when I was a graduate student here at Franciscan University studying in the MA program and then I've been able to be blessed to come back a number of times to present here so I know what it's like to come to a conference like this. I'm praying for you because there's so much joy and anticipation and God's going to do amazing things not just in your understanding of the faith but hopefully in your heart and the fire of faith in your heart so that you go back and set the world on fire from wherever you're coming from in all the 42 states and three countries that are represented here today. When we when we start off this presentation here I want to I want to tell a story. I'm going to tell a fun story about one of my kids who was a very gifted pianist at the age of two. At the age of two he'd come home from from church and he would just go to the piano and play the song that he heard at mass by ear as a two-year-old he's playing this then he would we'd watch sound of music and he played the song so he's just really gifted at hearing songs by ear and we listened to a lot of classical music and he listened to the cd as he got a little older like five and four or five years old he's learning a song from Mozart learning a song from Chopin a song from Bach and he's just figuring out all these great songs that finally got to this one Beethoven piece that he just couldn't figure out and he was getting really frustrated as a six-year-old that finally came to us and says can I have piano lessons we said sure all right so there was someone that was recommended to us and we took her we took him to to this teacher and she was a woman probably in their younger 70s at the time and she was very sweet and warm and and was so excited to meet him and she says oh play me one of the songs I heard you play Mozart play me something by Mozart and he starts to play and he's playing for about 30 seconds and all of a sudden she says no no no no stop no no you're not playing it right now you got to play it like this and she's trying to show him and he plays a little more and he and she's tearing it all apart and she's saying no no no not like that now you got to play it like this and by just okay let's just set Mozart aside let's do Yankee Doodle I want you to go back to Yankee Doodle do Yankee Doodle and he's playing Yankee Doodle and she said no no no you're not touching the keys right don't just bang on the keys you got to press into them like this and then he plays Yankee Doodle again he goes no no no you have to curve the fingers you're not curving the fingers right and here's my son who is playing Mozart and Bach and all these great pieces learning a new piece on his own every week being totally torn to shreds by the 70-year-old woman I want to be clear she was really sweet and she was encouraging and she and she was she was great but she was demanding and she says I want you to go back and practice Yankee Doodle every day with all that I've just taught you how to touch the key how to curve the fingers and I was like oh my goodness we're going backwards and and she demanded an hour of practice every day and she demanded that every piece was perfect before you moved on to the next piece and so for several weeks we're doing Yankee Doodle twinkle twinkle happy birthday and I'm like where's Mozart and and then he you know he's eventually mastering those little simple things with the little technique she's giving and she gives them a little more complicated pieces and after about five months or so he's back to doing some more classical pieces but I remember in the in those first six months of this intense teacher that was again she was sweet and encouraging but she was she was demanding I remember like he would be practicing and with her and and and she would she would come by him and say okay now notice when Bach does this piece he plays it like this and and he orders and structures it like this and then they be he should be practicing over here and he said you know when Beethoven would practice he practiced like this and when Mozart did this it and and I suddenly realized my my six-year-old son was getting a beautiful apprenticeship that here was this woman who had mastered the tradition of piano playing and and she was now pouring her life out into passing on this wonderful tradition of piano playing and music to my son and through her my son was coming into contact with Bach and Chopin and Haydn and all these great great composers and the great history of piano playing and and within about two years he starts being able to do piano competitions and and then within three years he's playing with orchestras and everything it was incredible but it all began with this great apprenticeship that he received from this amazing teacher now I'm going to ask you a question here I'm going to ask you a question I want you to imagine you were a six-year-old boy six-year-old girl and let's say you wanted to learn how to play the piano you were so excited you heard the piano played once and said I want to learn the piano and imagine if you went to your mom and dad and said I want to learn how to play the piano mommy daddy can can you help me and mom and dad says oh sure we'd be glad to help you here you go Johnny this is what we're going to do we're going to get you a piano we're going to put that piano right here in this room Johnny and you go in and figure it out all on your own you're going to be amazing Johnny because you're going to be your own piano player you're going to be so special Johnny because you're going to figure out how to express yourself and play the piano in your own way you are going to be amazing go for it Johnny and Johnny goes in there and he plays and he's playing twinkle maybe a Yankee doodle on his own right and then let's say he tells his music teacher at school I want to learn how to play the piano and the music teacher says oh yes we heard that your parents got you a piano and we want to really affirm you Johnny go figure out how to play the piano all on your own you're going to be an awesome piano player Johnny because you are special you're your own piano player play it however you want and then the mayor of the town here is about Johnny young man I heard you're figuring out how to be your own piano player we affirm you we're going to give you a trophy and a participation ribbon you got this Johnny imagine Johnny grows up and goes off to college and he goes off to college and he's meeting other people that play the piano but these people are playing amazing songs imagine like they're playing like a Mozart piano concerto and he's hearing the piano played like he's never heard it before and he goes up to his peers and says whoa that's amazing how did you figure out how to do that what is this what are you doing what are you playing and they say oh it's a Mozart piano concerto and then Johnny says what's a Mozart and then the guy I guess oh no Mozart's not a what it's a who he's a great composer he he wrote he wrote this music what do you mean he wrote this music and then they show him yeah here on the papers you know so here you've got all this this music here and Johnny's looking at all this musical notation but for Johnny it looks like a foreign language it's just a bunch of lines with a bunch of dots and and Johnny's saying what what is all this and he says well every dot corresponds to one of the notes on the keys he says wait wait where how did you learn this you mean there's there's people who wrote music and there's ways to write it down how did you learn all this and the guy says well our my teacher my teacher showed me all this when I was young and Johnny says teacher you mean there's teachers that teach you how to play the piano how come no one ever taught me this how come no one ever gave me this imagine if you were Johnny how would you feel if you really want to play the piano and you never got a teacher you never got any training you never learned about musical history never learned about musical theory musical notation how would you feel you'd feel cheated you'd feel frustrated you'd feel angry let down I share the story because the work Curtis and I are blessed to do is we work with young people all over the country and overseas now I hear a very similar story but about something that's so much more important than piano playing I hear so many young people that are wondering why didn't anyone teach me how to live you know I go I go around I do a lot of talks on theology the body I love speaking to college students and young adults and and so many of them when they hear the the vision of John Paul II on authentic love and sexuality and and and good principles for dating relationships they're like wow why didn't anyone tell me that before how come this the first time I'm hearing this is an 18 year old or a 22 year old or a 23 year old it would have saved me from so much heartache from so many mistakes from so much hurt why didn't anyone tell me this before I hear this you take the area of pornography how many times when we talk about pornography I hear from a young man that says why didn't my dad talk to me about pornography why am I hearing this for the first time it would have saved me from this addiction or my wife and I we do a lot of marriage mentoring for a lot of young couples is they're engaged they're getting ready for their marriage it's really awesome and but many of them are just so desperate for any guidance they can get on marriage many of them maybe came from broken homes so they don't know what marriage really looks like or if they their parents stayed together many of those marriages aren't really functioning really well there's a lot of discord and they don't have a great role model they're just saying how do you live marriage and then they get married and they're raising kids and how do you do this parenting thing how do you raise kids how do you raise them in the faith in this culture many young people today feel cheated that they feel that there's a great wisdom on how to live life but they just never got it you see what I want to talk about today is not piano I want to talk about what Pope Benedict called the art of living Pope Benedict said in this secular age as the world has turned away from religion turned away from God we just turned away from just basic human values and he says that the great challenge that we face in our secular age isn't simply we don't know the bible well enough that is a huge crisis we need to know the bible better but the problem's even deeper Pope Benedict says it's not just that we don't know enough theology we need to know theology we need to know the catechism better that's a huge problem but the problem is even deeper Pope Benedict says we don't even know how to live we don't know how to live friendship we don't know how to live dating relationships we don't know how to live marriage we don't know how to parent children well we don't even get bathrooms right in this country we have lost the art of living Pope Francis the Pope Benedict said we have lost the art of living the good news is the good news is there's a great tradition of the art of living there's a great tradition that goes all the way back to the early church that goes back to the apostles that goes back to Jesus there's a great tradition that goes back even further in the Old Testament you see in the Old Testament scriptures the four key habits on how to live life well the four key virtues in the Old Testament Jewish scriptures they understood this and you didn't even have to come for the Judeo-Christian tradition there were people like Plato and Aristotle and Socrates they saw that there were four basic virtues human virtues that we need to thrive on a human level now if I had more time I'd love to talk about the three key virtues the theological virtues we need ultimately as human persons faith hope and charity but for our time today we're going to focus on these four natural virtues known as the cardinal virtues they're called cardinal because the word cardinal comes a lot word meaning hinge all of the other virtues are connected they hinge to these four I like to say that our lives hinge on these four virtues and what what's sad is that this was just the basic stuff the art of living that was passed on from one generation to the next but we don't know this anymore yeah I would say 95 of the people out there in the secular world have never heard of the four cardinal virtues sadly probably 90 of Catholics have never heard of the four cardinal virtues this is just basic stuff now there are many of you going okay what are those four cardinal virtues and so there's going to be some of you that's in the 98th percentile you know those four cardinal virtues you know prudence you know temperance you know fortitude and you know justice you know the four cardinal virtues but I would say 98 percent of those in the 98th percentile the vast majority of them would have no idea how those four virtues actually relate together what are the three key sub virtues you need to be a prudent person to live with wise decision making what are the key sub virtues you need to be a courageous man what are the vices that undermine that and and and we're not going to get into all that tonight but I just want you to know that there was a basic way of living life that was passed on from father to son and this wasn't just really complex philosophy this was just like the abc's of how to live life passed on from father to son from grandfather to grandson from uncle to nephew from master to apprentice from pastor to his flock this was passed on from generation to generation but over the last 250-ish years since the period known as the enlightenment which we don't have time to get into but but a period that just said well we're going to set all that aside we're going to become independent thinkers we're going to think for ourselves and just figure out life for ourselves how does that go for johnny johnny's never going to be able to figure out how to play the piano greatly with excellence all on his own and for something so much more important we're never going to figure out how to live life and make a beautiful song with our lives for god and for others all on our own we need the tradition of the virtues i'm going to talk about that great tradition are you ready for that let's turn to the blessed virgin Mary let's ask her to pray for us she who had the virtues perfected in her may she intercede for us as we begin in the name of the father and of the son and of the holy spirit amen hey oh mary full of grace the lord is with thee blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb jesus holy mary mother of god pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death amen in the name of the father and the son the holy spirit amen so all i'm going to be sharing with you is from this book i wrote called the art of living where i try to make it really practical and that's what i'm going to share with you here in this brief introduction tonight and i want to first talk about flying does anyone like flying do you like being in a plane i love flying i remember as a kid i would go on trips with my dad and we'd be up in the air and it's just something fun about being 30 000 feet in the air and you're above the clouds it's sunny up there cloudy down there i just loved being on a plane i still kind of get a kick out of flying to this day so let's say how many people who had to fly here anyone have to fly here anyone close up here in the front row you had to fly where'd you fly from phoenix okay what's your name cindy so cindy if i told you oh cindy i love flying i am passionate about flying oh i value flying i get strong feelings about flying cindy let me fly you back to phoenix would you cindy get in the airplane with me as your pilot no way i don't have the skills of a pilot you wouldn't want that we'd crash similar story my father was a surgeon and i grew up being able to meet his patients learn about his surgeries looking at pictures of his surgeries i grew up kind of weird i would look at his anatomy books and learn about oh here's where all the bones and the ligaments so i grew up learning about surgery and to this day i hold surgeons in high esteem but let's say i heard what is your name right there tom let's say tom i heard you needed surgery i said oh hey tom i love surgery i really value surgery i get excited about surgery and i have all the intentions in the world to perform an awesome surgery for you would you get on the operating table here with me and let me perform that surgery oh he's the surgeon right i said you might trust him but tom you wouldn't trust me right no i'm not that kind of doctor yeah that's right so this is all common sense right nobody gets into an airplane with a guy that doesn't have the skills of a pilot and no one jumps on an operating table with someone that doesn't have the skills of a surgeon and yet how many people today jump into friendships jump into dating relationships business partnerships marriages without ever asking the question of virtue without ever asking the question of virtue that does this person have the virtue to love me to serve me to live in this relationship well do they have the skill to love me now there's many ways to look at virtue but one analogy that gets it doesn't get all of it but gets a good part of it is the thing of virtue is the basic life skills that we need to live well to love to serve to be reliable to fulfill our commitments to give the best of ourselves to to another person that's what the catechism says the virtue allows us to give the best of ourselves to god and to others so no matter how many feelings i have or how much i value something that's not nearly as important as whether i have the character on the inside the virtue the ability to love because here's the deal my friends anyone can say i love you anyone can say those words some people might sincerely mean it but it's only the person who possesses virtue that's capable of loving i'm gonna say that again anyone can say i love you some people might sincerely mean it but it's only the person who possesses virtue that's capable of loving you you see when i grew up i grew up was blessed with a great catholic school and parish growing up and i remember hearing about the virtues and they'd they'd have banners up at church with naming some of the different virtues and i think i had a kind of individualistic understanding of the virtues though individualistic in the sense like they were from me this is what i need to be a better person what i need to improve for my own self-improvement project so i can be the the best person i can be i need virtue and i would be interested in about those virtues you know i'd want to learn more about piety fear of the lord wisdom i want to learn about courage i want to learn about temperance so but these were all kind of like for me so i could be a better person there were more for me it was like they're like badges like badges i can earn to be a good boy scout for jesus i got the fortitude badge okay now i'm going to go after patience and you know but it's all about me and and certainly it is virtue does help you be a better person but i realized over time from studying equinus an Aristotle but just living life particularly in marriage and family that virtue isn't about just me my wife needs me to be virtuous my children are depending on me growing in virtue my colleagues my friends my fellow parishioners the people that read my books they need me to grow in virtue because here's the thing the more i grow let's just say in generosity in patience encourage and prudence the more i can do generous patient prudent and courageous things to help other people and bless them in their lives but to the extent that i struggle with generosity to the extent i'm self-centered i'm not thinking about other people i'm thinking about myself and what i want and what i need to get done like to the extent i struggle with generosity that's not just an edward sree problem that's a beth sree problem it's a problem for my wife because i won't be able to love her the way she deserves to be loved the way i want to love her the extent i struggle with generosity i will do selfish things that hurt my wife i don't want to do those selfish things i don't want to hurt my wife but because i'm not as generous as i need to be i'll tend to be focused more on myself or or if i struggle in patience if i struggle in patience that's not just an edward sree problem that's a problem for my kids so when i get stressed out and i'm a little too intense and i lose my temper with my kids i hurt them and i have to go to them i say i'm sorry dad just lost his temper i shouldn't have lost my temper like that i shouldn't have treated you like that will you forgive me i don't want to hurt my kids i love my kids i really value them but if i struggle with patience i will do impatient things that hurt the people around me when i lack courage courage isn't just something for me so i can be courageous on the soccer field or you know in the battlefield or whatever no no courage is something i just need for everyday life i need to be able to deal with difficulties and challenges so let's say in the workplace let's say the board of directors says what we want to do this whole big new initiative and my team over here is already their plates already full they're struggling already with just what they have to do and i have to go and tell them if i lack courage and i'm like oh i don't know how we're gonna do this oh i'm like e or oh no life is gonna be really hard now that's not helpful for my team my team needs me to have courage my team needs me to roll up those things okay all right guys we got this thing coming down from the board i know you have a lot going on this is gonna be hard i know we're stretched already but i believe in this team i believe we could figure it out we can reprioritize we're gonna do this they need me to be courageous and when i lack courage i'm not able to help my team when i lack prudence and i just fill up the social calendar with all these people coming over my life's like can i just have some time to go to cosco you know like i'm not prudently thinking through the time or thinking through the budget of our money and i'm just spending like my lack of prudence affects my family here's the key thing i want you to take away virtue gives us the freedom to love virtue gives us the freedom to love to the extent i'm struggling in virtue to that extent i'm simply not free to love the people around me no matter how much i may want to love them no matter how much i value them no matter how many feelings i have for them i need to grow in virtue so i can give the best of myself to the people around me now i'm going to give an example here from my own life when i talk about virtue and i give examples for my life it's usually on the non-virtuous side so here we go you're ready so um true story my wife and i we were living in an apartment first two years of our marriage and we moved into our first house and i was all excited we have a house that had a front porch deck and then we had this back porch deck in this massive backyard so just picture this this is my first house it's got a big backyard and it's got a deck in that backyard gentlemen what's the last thing i need there we go we got it we need the grill and my mom who's amazing i am blessed with an awesome mom um and she wanted to get us for our anniversary in our new house a housewarming gift she wanted to get us a grill and she told me hey a grill is going to come by ups it's going to come on this day and you can be ready for it and i was so excited i had i had the stakes you know i went to the steak store that morning i'm getting the marinated all day and i'm waiting for the grill to come now before i continue the story i want to tell you something else about myself uh any gentlemen here well i'll just ask everybody anyone love st joseph we just had the big year of st joseph you all love joseph i'll say as a catholic husband a catholic dad joseph has always been a great role model for me a great patron i turn to joseph every day and i want to imitate him but there's one quality of joseph's i know i will never possess and that's his carpentry skills joseph was a carpenter and i'm really good at breaking things whenever something's broken in the house and i'm trying to fix this pipe or something my wife's like um hey could we just call someone second year of marriage my in-laws got me one of those black and yellow books called home improvement for dummies i was like thank you oh wait what are you saying about me so here i am and it's getting late in the afternoon i'm wondering man is that girl gonna show up is it gonna be here and then finally ups shows up around 3 34 o'clock there it is and this big box comes out i'm so excited i take the box push it across the front porch push it through the backyard push it out of the back deck i'm so excited to open up my new grill i open up the box into my dismay i look inside and there's not a grill inside there's not a grill inside this box it's just a bunch of pieces with an instruction manual and my heart sinks i'm like oh no and i just know i'm really not good at this kind of stuff so here i am i'm carefully trying to take every piece out put them in the right groupings and read the instruction manual word for word very carefully because i will just mess this up i know it and it's got like 25 steps to it and this is just really stressful and it's late in the afternoon i gotta get the stakes going and i gotta put this all together now so i'm a little stressed out you've ever been stressed out about something well here i was and um at this moment so i'm laying all the pieces out and then my little one year old comes hobbling in and starts messing with the pieces and i'm like honey can we can we keep the baby out of here please and you know i'm a little stressed and i'm working through it though i'm trying my best just okay persevere concentrate follow the directions very carefully you know i get to about step 16 and and things are starting to turn a corner they're looking good in other words it's starting to look like a grill you know you can see the shape but i'm thinking wow okay maybe you know we're getting close to the to the end here and i'm all excited then i turned the page in the instruction manual and all of a sudden i realized oh no i skipped step six and i've got to dismantle all my work for the last hour and go all the way back to step six and i am just about to lose it at this point then at this moment my wife the great you know cheerleader trying to encourage me and you know be there for me she's like oh hey honey it's looking really good you know it's starting to look like a grill you got this and i'm like um actually it's not good honey i i skipped step six it's really a real mess right now and then the baby comes in again messing with the piece like can we keep the baby out of here have you ever been around people like that you're like oh okay we'll just leave and i realized that day that my lack of virtue my lack of patience or actually Aquinas would describe this as a lack of perseverance persevering through difficult things my lack of virtue isn't a problem just for me but my lack of virtue in this area is keeping me from being the husband i want to be to Beth and from from loving my little new daughter the way i want to love her and that's why the pursuit of virtue isn't just like oh i just want to get better no no people are depending on you god's depending on you your spouse your children your friends your parish are depending on all of us to take virtue seriously to really grow in the imitation of Jesus Christ in his virtue that's what it means to be a disciple to imitate Jesus that's what holiness is all about imitating Jesus loving like him thinking like him serving like him forgiving like him but that just doesn't happen magically oh i'm just gonna start forgiving everyone and then your spouse says something that upsets you why'd you do oh wait i'm supposed to forgive people you know and so we need to really make this a priority to go after this now i want to show you another thing here any soccer fans here any soccer fans so in the street family we're all really big soccer fans and so all my kids play soccer we watch soccer we love soccer uh and i i'll organize games in the park sometimes for some of the young focused missionaries young augustin institute students young adults in the denver area and then old dads like me and my kids and other kids are playing it's it's you know it's a lot it's family it's a lot of fun but i'll tell you it's really competitive and my kids are awesome they play at the all of my kids are on the top team and their soccer competitive soccer club and they've gotten great training they have great coaches and they're the kind of people like you pass the ball it's in the air and they just like take it out of the air they have great touch they can dribble well they can make the right move they look up they can make a good pass they can they can score they can shoot they you give the ball to my kids and you know they're gonna do good things when you pass the ball to dr shree on the other hand it's a different story see i love soccer and i follow soccer but i never had all that great coaching so i'm excited i like to get out there but it's like 50 50 on whether dr shree is going to do something good with the ball or he's going to give it up and so in critical moments of the game like you know my teammate may have the ball and i'm over here wide open i'm like hey i'm open and then the guy goes he looks at me he's like hey i'm going to just pass to one of your kids he doesn't want to pass to me i wouldn't want to pass to me at a critical moment of the game because i know i'm not reliable i'm not dependable i don't have the skill and and and i think that's the question i want to ask you here tonight the people around you would your spouse say that you're reliable that when your spouse has something to share you're not going to be critical you're not going to shoot it down you're not going to be negative you're not going to be distracted you're not going to be pulling out your phone you're going to really listen would you would your spouse say you're reliable would your kids say you're dependable you're not just there every once in a while you're not just there at you know a great dad time but like you're consistently dependable reliable for them with the people at work think that of you you know i know in the office there's some people i know if like wow we got a big deadline and i need extra help on this thing i know there's certain people i can go to if i give the ball to them they're going to get it done they're going to take care of it really well i don't have to think about it and i know that there's other people if i give the ball to them they're going to be stressed out they go um i have too many things going on and so i don't even bother or or there's somebody else i want to give the ball to or they want to volunteer but they're i'm like well actually if i give it to them they're not going to take care of it well do you know what i'm talking about we all have people like that in our families in our workplace our communities what kind of person are you the kind of person that's reliable are you dependable because that's what the art of living is all about growing in virtue it's going to be we can be the kind of people others can lean on in life i want to talk about what virtue is here you go definition from the catechism right there catechism 1803 what is virtue it's a habitual and firm disposition to do the good i want to be clear some people think oh virtue it's a habit i want to be clear nope it's much more than that you can have a habit of speeding you can have the habit of sleeping in you can have it have the habit of picking your nose there are many habits you can have this is the firm and habitual disposition to do the good and what you want to do is consider the four characteristics of virtue do you have these four characteristics so for example do you do the good consistently not just every once in a while you volunteered this week at the parish to set up chairs that doesn't give you the christian service of the year award that's the first time you volunteered in five years awesome moment the angels are rejoicing that's great but you're not consistent not the kind of person the father just goes oh they're always there i can count on them they're dependable do you do it consistently do you do it easily is it second nature or is it kind of like okay father's looking for some help and like well i guess i gotta do it but man i really gotta get back and watch the game but all right i'll i'll help and you know it's not easy for you it's not second nature for you to just serve drop what you're doing your priorities to serve someone else do you do it promptly do you do it right away is it like okay father says hey can i anyone help with the chairs and you're like i hope he doesn't choose me no no the virtuous person that really has the virtue of of being able to serve easily like that it's just just who they are like oh yeah let me help and then do you do it with joy or are you grumbling you know these are four characters i think about like a pga a golfer pga golfer can go up right up to the tee hits that ball down the fairway really far down the middle consistently and it's easy for them it's just a part of who they are they don't have to really think about it a lot they can do it promptly you know it's like second nature and and when they play they play with such excellence it's fun for them when i play golf every once in a while i hit it down the fairway it's pretty amazing most of the time it's over there the forest or there in the pond you know i'm not consistent and it's not easy for me i don't do a problem i'm the kind of guy that has to take like 20 practice swings because i'm just so nervous i'm going to make a mistake and when i play there's usually not a lot of joy so we want to ask ourselves about these four characteristics of virtue how do we grow in them how can i grow in in consistency eat how can i do it more easily how can i do it more promptly how can i do it joyfully all right i want to talk a little bit i mentioned to you about the four cardinal virtues and how they relate together uh and i'm going to share with you a story a true story here so years ago so i do pilgrimages to Rome each year and when my kids turn nine they get to go with dad on the dad trip to Rome and i remember taking my son with me one year my son paul and he's there and i give them like a little mini kids syllabus where they have to read about the saints and read about the art and some of the history ahead of time you have to write little short little essays it's not really intense don't worry but but i do something like this with them and and then on the plane over i i i bring some of these art books and i'm trying to give them an experience of it before they get there so they really like it and we're looking at some of the art in the in the Vatican museums and there's this beautiful depiction of the four cardinal virtues by rafael the Renaissance artist and i'm sharing it with my son and and i'm showing it he goes oh what is that and he says and i say oh those are the each of those little angels represent one of the four cardinal virtues and then my nine-year-old says what's a cardinal virtue and my heart sank i thought how do i explain this i mean don't get me wrong i'm used to teaching this to adults college students and above but how do i explain the four cardinal virtues to a nine-year-old this was really hard for me so i'm trying to think okay i need a story needs some kind of analogy here what do i do i say okay paul so let's say we have to get to the Vatican museums you know we have the group tickets and we have to be there by 8 30 and if we're late we're gonna miss the entrance in the Vatican museums it's important it's important we're there no later than 8 30 our hotel is 15 minutes walk away from the Vatican museum so when when should we leave does the math in his head 8 15 i said yep 8 15 maybe even like 8 o'clock just in case something gets wrong we get there a little early what do you think yeah yeah that's good i go that's that's the first virtue paul of prudence it's beginning with the goal what's the goal in mind and then you're going backwards and trying to think what do you what do you need to do to get there it's like oh okay right then i said to him all right so what's what's the next virtue here all right well let's say we're on our way to the Vatican museums but it's a downpouring rain we're at the hotel door and it's just pouring rain and it's cold and it's windy and you're going to be really uncomfortable on your way there you might be tempted to say dad can we just stay at home i don't want to go out in the cold and the wind and the rain you need a virtue is going to help you do difficult things to persist against the difficulties that that come up and the suffering and the pain that will come up in life that virtue is called courage or fortitude all right but let's say it's a beautiful sunny day and you're on your way to the Vatican museums there's another virtue going to need let's say that you're on your way there and there's a gelato store right there and there's a big sign that says free unlimited gelato for the next hour you would be really tempted and understandably so uh to just want to just go and eat all that gelato but you need a virtue not just one that helps you persist against the difficulties in life but you need a virtue that helps moderate your attraction to other fun things and things that are pleasurable and delightful enjoyable like food and drink and we didn't get into the sex thing yet but but but but yet but i use that as an example and then what if i said well paul let's say you know dad's done this trip so many times and i've been to the Vatican museums a lot and i know i put on the itinerary we're going to go to the Vatican museums and everyone's looking forward to it but i just i just don't want to go this year would you think you said oh no dad that wouldn't be fair you need another virtue called justice where we fulfill our responsibilities to others to god and to the people in our lives modern america i didn't get into this and we focus on justice's rights what do other people owe me a catholic a truly catholic understanding of right of of justice is more outward looking my responsibility toward god and toward others so that's a little bit of a little simple kids version of the four cardinal virtues and how to relate them together i go into each of those virtues more in depth all the sub virtues and the different vices that try to undermine it in the book here but what i want to do is close and talk about the three ways we grow in virtue so the last 10 minutes here i was oh wait actually no i forgot i want to talk about this here anyone been to london anyone been to london okay in london you go down on the subway system and you see these three words everywhere right they're on the walls they're on the platform they're on the loud speakers mine the gap mine the gap mine the gap right well what's what's that all about what is the gap all about you see because if you're on the platform of the train and you're waiting for the subway to come there's a gap between where you're standing and where the train is coming so what happens if you don't mind the gap what's going to happen you're going to you're going to fall so you got to bind the gap and and my question for you tonight my friends is this do you mind the gaps in your lives are you aware of the gaps you have in your life are you aware of the gaps you have in your relationship with god start there are you aware of the ways maybe you're not following his will his plan are you aware are you aware of the ways that you don't pray consistently because prayer is a virtue it's consistently giving yourself to god do you have that time every day do you have like at least 20 minutes a day of quiet time of conversation with god not just saying prayers not just doing devotions like the rosary but time for intimate conversation with god every christian needs this are you aware of the gaps that well i pray when it fits in my schedule i pray when i like to i pray when i come to a conference like this but i don't have the virtue the habit of prayer in my daily life are you aware of that gap and are you trying to close that gap you're going to be committed i'm going i'm going to try to be better at this are you aware of the gap in your marriage are you aware of the ways that you don't thank your spouse enough you don't honor your spouse enough are you aware of the ways you don't serve your spouse and think about her needs are you aware of the gaps and how you don't listen to her heart that she keeps sharing things with you and you just keep saying well it's not like that and you're but you're not really listening maybe god's inviting you to work on that gap in your life are you aware of the gaps with your children maybe there's a child that needs more of your discipline they need you to speak in and they need you to train them more maybe there's a child that there's some strain and and they actually need less they don't need your discipline as much as they need your love they just need your time and attention they need to know that you love them no matter what they do in life and how they perform in school and on the on the field and in their job and in college that they know your unconditional love for them are you aware of the gaps in your life because the pursuit of virtue is going to be all about looking at those key relationships love of god and love of neighbor and the people in my lives and how do i bridge those gaps by growing in virtue there let's talk about practically then how do we grow in virtue three ways three ways to grow in virtue and i want to share with you what i'm what i'm going to present here is not edwards trees here's his three favorite ways to grow in virtue this is not my own private opinion this is what the church teaches this is right here in the catechism this is from the heart of the church three ways to grow in virtue first we have to educate ourselves in the virtues we have to learn about the virtues we have to understand what they are again most of us didn't grow up learning about them and if i if i fill my mind with just netflix and instagram stories and reels i'm not training my mind to know the virtuous life the art of living learning about the art of living is so much more important than whatever is trending on social media where are you spending more time looking at something on your phone or forming your mind with the word of god forming your mind with the saints i think one of the best ways two great ways to learn about the virtues first we got to read about them you can go to the catechism we'll give you a very brief introduction that i wrote a book on the virtues you don't have to remind peter craved has a wonderful old book from the 90s called back to virtue uh the donald demarco with ignatius press had a number of books called the heart of virtue is using stories from history in the saints in literature but i think one of the best ways to learn about the virtues is to fill your mind with the stories of the saints these are men and women who've been transformed by jesus christ these are men and women in whom the virtues have been perfected and when you learn about how therese of this you when somebody annoyed her she didn't complain how she would go out of her way to spend time with people that hurt her that frustrated her because she wanted she rose above her feelings her passions her emotions we live in such an age where if somebody bothers me i just ghost them i won't even talk to them anymore i you know so many guys today break up over text or maybe they don't even do that they just don't even return a text message and women are left heartbroken and totally dishonored again we we've lost the basics of how to live life a guy doesn't know how to ask a girl out anymore and a guy doesn't know how to break up with a girl anymore we've lost the art of living my friends we need to learn the basics of virtue and when you read the saints you get a great example in your life of this is what i want to aim for this is what i want to run after in my own lives i don't want to be a slave to my fears a slave to my my passions my attraction to pleasure i want to be like the saints like mary and rise above those emotions so i can give my life as a gift to god and others so but i can't do that if i don't educate myself in the virtues if i don't even know the virtues if i don't even know what are the vices that undermine the virtues in my life i can't even begin to work on them i'll tell you this this personal in my own life so i i have a phd i studied theology and i had classes in rome on Aquinas in the virtues and it was all great but well for me it was a lot up here i mean inspire me a bit but it was much more about the head and then i remember i was asked to teach moral theology at benedicton college i never had to teach a whole class i'd done a lot of scripture classes but they asked me to teach the moral theology class and i knew i needed to go back to the virtues and i was reading Aquinas that whole summer and it it changed my life i'd read Aquinas before it was my first dance with Aquinas but it was a whole new place for me i'm getting ready to teach a whole class on this so i was really paying close attention but even more than that where i was in my state in life i was just starting my career we're launching focus i'm newly married we have our first child and a second one on the way and i'm at a whole different place so as i'm reading Aquinas it was like an examination of conscience and i was seeing this is what virtue is and this is what enables us to love and i was seeing in my own home how i fall short for my poor wife and i fall short for my poor daughter and i just i want to be a better husband i want to be a better dad i need to grow in virtue and so it's but until i even understand what the virtuous life is i can't even begin to go for it and try to grow in the virtues you know there's that saying if you aim for nothing you'll hit it every time i think that's how Catholics kind of just go through life i mean we pray and we do holy hours and we have devotions but we're not aiming at imitating jesus enough and that has to be the heart of our walk with god second thing to grow in virtue the catechism tells us we have to put in much effort i can't just pray about the virtues or read the virtues and memorize the virtues i gotta work really hard and the catholic tradition the great way to overcome our vices isn't just to say no to our vices okay i'm not gonna eat that second cookie i'm not gonna eat that second cookie no no the best way to practice growing in the virtue if i'm too attached to sweets or eating too much the best thing is to practice the opposite virtue which is the virtue of fasting Aquinas says if i practice fasting in other areas of my life with other foods and drinks or my screens or whatever i'm practicing that moral muscle of self control or i'll use an example for those of what they're the biblical conference earlier today i gave a talk and i talked about anxiety and how we live in such a world of great anxiousness everyone's worried about something we have to manage and control everything well if you struggle with anxiety the best thing to do isn't simply say i'm not going to be anxious i'm not going to be anxious i'm not going to let myself get afraid no no it's practice the other virtue Aquinas says you have to grow in confidence in god's providence do you really trust your heavenly father has a plan for you and he knows what's best for you better than you do and he's going to take care of you no matter what happens you want to have romans 828 on your mind where saint paul says in all things god works for good in those who love him do you really believe that have that that verse on your mind the next time your anxious remind yourself the inspired word of god through the great apostle saint paul says in all things god works for good in those who love him in all things no matter what's happening right now that i'm all worried and anxious about no matter what might happen in the future that i'm so afraid about the next time i i feel that anxiety arm myself with the word of god remember the truth of god's providential care that in all things god works for good and those who love him growing in virtue takes a lot of effort we have to practice the virtues that that under that cut out the weaknesses and vices we struggle with but the last one here is the one we have to take in the most we have to learn to rely on god's grace that no matter how much i study the virtues no matter how much i try and put all this effort in i'm gonna fall short i'm falling we're gonna fall we're gonna make mistakes we're not gonna be able to climb the ladder of virtue on our only jesus can do that with me so through prayer and through the sacraments and learning not to be self-reliant because when i'm self-reliant and i think i can do it i gotta come up with this plan i'm gonna read this book and i'm going to grow in one virtue each week of lent next year that's usually a recipe for disaster because i'm i'm depending on me to grow in virtue i'll end up failing i'll end up condemning myself and going oh i'm just i'm never gonna change i'll fall into despair we have to learn that god wants to meet us down low in our weakness in those areas where we're struggling in those gaps those gaps in our lives god wants to meet you right there in those gaps and if you come to him humbly and honestly and beg him jesus help me lift me transform me his grace will change you as st paul says in second chrithians 3 18 we are being changed into his likeness from one degree of glory to another and that happens when we educate ourselves of virtue we put in much effort but most of all we learn to meet jesus in the valley in the gaps of our lives and allow his grace to lift us up and transform us so what i want to do here is i'm going to close us with a prayer and then we're going to take time to worship god together in a song but let's let's gather all of our thoughts and and and i want to just say this to grow in virtue make sure these three steps here i saw i'm going to be taking pictures of it keep that in mind learn about them put in much effort rely on god's grace let's pray in the name of the father and the son the holy spirit amen lord jesus in the serve of the mount you told us that we are called to be perfect as the heavenly father is perfect perfected in virtue perfected in love but we're honest jesus that seems like such a tall order it seems like such a tall mountain to climb i know my own weakness my own fears the the hurts from my past that keep me from growing in virtue i know the many vices that weigh me down i keep bringing them to confession lord but i do believe that even in my weakness your strength is made manifest and perfected and so we want to rely on you jesus may your grace through the the conference the speakers through the conversations and most of all through adoration through mass through confession this weekend may we meet you in the valley and may you lift us up and may we be conformed to you to love like you in jesus name amen in the name of the father and the son the holy spirit amen thanks so much and god bless