 Part 2 of Chapter 89 of the Adventures of Peregrine Pickle, Volume 2 by Tobias Smollett. This Librivox recording is in the public domain. Recording by Martin Geeson. Chapter 89 Part 2 It would have been well for our hero had he always acted with the same circumspection, but he had his unguarded moments in which he fell a prey to the unsuspecting integrity of his own heart. There was a person among the number of his acquaintances whose conversation he particularly relished because it was frank, agreeable and fraught with many sensible observations upon the craft and treachery of mankind. This gentleman had made shift to discuss a very gentile fortune, though it was spent with taste and reputation, and now he was reduced to his shifts for the maintenance of his family, which consisted of a wife and child. Not that he was destitute of the necessaries of life, being comfortably supplied by the bounty of his friends, but this was a provision not at all suited to his inclination, and he had endeavored by divers unsuccessful schemes to retrieve his former independency. Peregrine happened one evening to be sitting alone in a coffee-house where he overheard a conversation between this schemer and another gentleman, touching an affair that engaged his attention. The stranger had been left trustee for fifteen hundred pounds bequeathed to the other's daughter by an aunt, and was strongly solicited to pay the money to the child's father, who assured him he had then an opportunity to lay it out in such a manner as would greatly conduce to the advantage of his family. The trustee reminded him of the nature of his charge, which made him accountable for the money until the child should have attained the age of eighteen, but at the same time gave him to understand that if he could procure such security as would indemnify him from the consequences, he would forthwith pay the legacy into his hands. Through this proposal the father replied that it was not to be supposed he would risk the fortune of his only child upon any idle scheme or precarious issue, and therefore he thought it reasonable that he should have the use of it in the meantime, and that as to security he was loath to trouble any of his friends about an affair which might be compromised without their interposition, observing that he would not look upon his condescension as a favour if obtained by security, on which he could borrow the same sum from any user in town. After much importunity on one side and evasion on the other, the moneyed gentleman told him that though he would not surrender the sum deposited in his hands for the use of his daughter, he would lend him what he should have occasion for in the meantime, and if upon her being of age he should be able to obtain her concurrence, the money should be placed to her account, provided he could find any person of credit who would join with him in a bond for the assurance of the lender. This proviso was an obstruction which the other would not have been able to surmount without great difficulty, had not his cause been espoused by our hero, who thought it was a pity a man of honour and understanding should suffer in his principal concerns on such a paltry consideration. He therefore, presuming on his acquaintance, interposed in the conversation as a friend who interested himself in the affair, and being fully informed of the particulars, but himself as a security for the lender. This gentleman, being a stranger to Peregrine, was next day made acquainted with his funds, and without further scruple accommodated his friend with one thousand pounds, for which he took their bond, payable in six months, though he protested that the money should never be demanded until the infant should be of age, unless some accident should happen, which he could not then foresee. Pickle believed this declaration sincere, because he could have no interest in dissembling, but what he chiefly depended upon for his own security was the integrity and confidence of the borrower, who assured him it happened what would, he should be able to stand between him and all danger, the nature of his plan being such as would infallibly trebel the sum in a very few months. In a little time after this transaction, Ritz being issued out for electing a new parliament, your adventurer, by the advice of his patron, went into the country in order to canvass for a borrower, and lined his pockets with a competent chair of banknotes for the occasion. But in this project he unfortunately happened to interfere with the interest of a great family in the opposition, who for a long series of years had made members for that place, and were now so much offended at the intrusion of our young gentlemen, that they threatened to spend ten thousand pounds in frustrating his design. This menace was no other than an incitement to Peregrine, who confided so much in his own influence and address, that he verily believed he should be able to baffle his grace, even his own territories. By that victory he hoped to establish his reputation and interest with the minister, who through the recommendation of his noble friend, countenanced his cause, and would have been very well pleased to see one of his greatest enemies suffer such a disgraceful overthrow, which would have moreover, in a great measure, shaken his credit with his faction. Our hero, intoxicated with the ideas of pride and ambition, put all his talents to the test in the execution of this project. He spared no expense in treating the electors, but finding himself rivaled in this respect by his competitor, who was powerfully supported, he had recourse to those qualifications in which he thought himself superior. He made balls for the ladies, visited the matrons of the corporation, adapted himself to their various humours with surprising facility, drank with those who loved a cherishing cup in private, made love to the amorous, prayed with the religious, gossiped with those who delighted in scandal, and with great sagacity contrived agreeable presence to them all. This was the most effectual method of engaging such electors as were under the influence of their wives. As for the rest, he assailed them in their own way, setting whole hogsheads of beer and wine a brooch for the benefit of all comers. And into those hearted hearts that liquor would not open, he found means to convey himself by the help of a golden key. While he thus exerted himself, his antagonist was not idle. His age and infirmities would not permit him to enter personally into their parties, but his steward and adherents bestowed themselves with great industry and perseverance. The market for votes ran so high that Pickle's ready money was exhausted before the day of election, and he was obliged to write to his patron an account of the dilemma to which he was reduced, in treating him to take such speedy measures as would enable him to finish the business which he had so happily begun. This nobleman communicated the circumstances of the case to the minister, and in a day or two our candidate found credit with the receiver general of the county, who lent him twelve hundred pounds on his personal note, payable on demand. By means of this new supply, he managed matters so successfully that an evident majority of votes was secured in his interest, and nothing could have obstructed his election, had not the noble peer who set up his competitor in order to avoid the shame and mortification of being filed in his own borough, offered to compromise the affair with his honour by giving up two members in another place, provided the opposition should cease in his own corporation. This proposal was greedily embraced. On the eve of election, Peregrine received an intimation from his patron, desiring him to quit his pretensions, on pain of his and the minister's displeasure, and promising that he should be elected for another place. No other disappointment in life could have given him such chagrin as he felt at the receipt of this tantalising order by which the cup of success was snatched from his lip, and all the vanity of his ambitious hope humbled in the dust. He cursed the whole chain of his court connections, invading with great animosity against the rascally scheme of politics to which he was sacrificed, and in conclusion, swore he would not give up the fruits of his own address for the pleasure of any minister upon us. This laudable resolution, however, was rendered ineffectual by his friend the receiver-general, who was bearer of the message, and after having in vain endeavoured to persuade him to submission, fairly arrested him upon the spot for the money he had advanced. This expedient being performed by virtue of a writ which he had been advised to take out in case the young man should prove refractory. The reader, who by this time must be pretty well acquainted with the disposition of our adventurer, may easily conceive how he relished this adventure. At first all the faculties of his soul were swallowed up in astonishment and indignation, and some minutes elapsed before his nerves would obey the impulse of his rage, which manifested itself in such an application to the temples of the plaintiff as laid him sprawling on the floor. This assault, which was committed in a tavern with he had been purposely decoyed, attracted the regard of the bailiff and his followers, who to the number of four rushed upon him at once in order to overpower him. That his wrath inspired him with such additional strength and agility that he disengaged himself from them in a trice, and seizing a poker, which was the first weapon that presented itself to his hand, exercised it upon their skulls with incredible dexterity and execution. The officer himself, who had been the first that presumed to lay violent hands upon him, felt the first effects of his fury in a blow upon the jaws, in consequence of which he lost three of his teeth, and fell a thwart the body of the receiver, with which he formed the figure of a St Andrew's Cross. One of his marmindans, seeing the fate of his chief, would not venture to attack the victor in front, but wheeling to one side made an attempt upon him in flank, and was received obliquely by our hero's left hand and foot, so masterly disposed to the right side of his leg and the left side of his neck, that he bolted foremost into the chimney where his chin was encountered by the great, which in a moment seared him to the bone. The rest of the detachment did not think proper to maintain the dispute, but evacuating the room with great expedition locked the door on the outside, and bellowed aloud to the receiver's servants, beseeching them to come to the assistance of their master, who was in danger of his life. Meanwhile this gentleman, having recollected himself, demanded a pali, which, having with difficulty obtained of our incensed candidate, in consequence of the most submissive application, he complained grievously of the young gentleman's intemperance and heat of disposition, and very calmly represented the danger of his rashness and indiscretion. He told him that nothing could be more outrageous or idle than the resistance he had made against the laws of his country, because he would find it impracticable to withstand the whole executive power of the county, which he could easily raise to apprehend and secure him, that over and above the disgrace that would accrue to him from this imprudent conduct. He would knock his own interest on the head by disableaging his friends in the administration, who were, to his knowledge, at present very well disposed to do him service. That for his own part, what he had done was by the express order of his superiors, and not out of any desire of distressing him, and that far from being his enemy, notwithstanding the shocking insult he had sustained, he was ready to withdraw the writ, provided he would listen to any reasonable terms of accommodation. Peregrine was not more prone to anger than open to conviction. Being appeased by his condescension, moved by his arguments, and chid by his own reflection for what he had done in the precipitation of his wrath, began to give ear to his remonstrances, and the bailiffs being ordered to withdraw, they entered into a conference, the result of which was our adventurer's immediate departure for London, so that next day his competitor was unanimously chosen, because nobody appeared to oppose his election. The discontented pickle on his arrival in town went directly to the house of his patron, to whom in the anguish of his disappointment he bitterly complained of the treatment he had received, by which, besides the disgrace of his overthrow, he was no less than two thousand pounds out of pocket, exclusive of the debt for which he stood engaged to the receiver. His ludge-ship, who was prepared for this expostulation, on his knowledge of the young man's impetuous temper, answered all the articles of his charge with great deliberation, giving him to understand the motives that induced the minister to quit his interest in that borough, and soothing him with assurances that his loss would be amply rewarded by his honour, to whom he was next day introduced by this nobleman in the warmest style of recommendation. The minister, who was a pattern of complacence, received him with the most engaging affability, liked him very kindly for his endeavours to support and strengthen the interest of the administration, and faithfully promised to lay hold on the first opportunity to express the sense he had of his zeal and attachment, desiring to see him offer not his levee, that in the multiplicity of business he might not be in danger of forgetting his services and desert. End of Chapter 89. Chapter 90, Part 1 of the Adventures of Peregrine Pickle, Volume 2 by Tobias Smollett. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Chapter 90, Part 1, Peregrine commences minister's dependent, meets by accident with Mrs. Gauntlett, and descends gradually in the condition of life. This reception, favourable as it was, did not please Peregrine, who had too much discernment to be cajoled with general promises at a time when he thought himself entitled to the most particular assurance. He accordingly signified his disgust to his introductory, giving him to understand that he had laid his account with being chosen representative of one of those boroughs for which he had been sacrificed. His lordship agreed to the reasonableness of his expectation, observing, however, that he could not suppose minister would enter upon business with him on his first visit, and that it would be time enough that his next audience to communicate his demand. Notwithstanding this remonstrance, our hero continued to indulge his suspicion and chagrin and even made a point of it with his patron that his lordship should next make application on his behalf, thus the two seats should be filled up on pretense of his inclinations being unknown. Thus, importuned, my lord went to his principal and returned with an answer, importing that his honour was extremely sorry that Mr. Pickle had not signified his request before the boroughs in question were promised to two gentlemen whom he could not now disappoint with any regard to his own credit or interest, but as several persons who would be chosen were, to his certain knowledge, very aged and infirm, he did not doubt that there would be plenty of vacant seats in a very short time, and then the young gentleman might depend upon his friendship. Peregrin was so much irritated at this intimation that in the first transports of his anger he forgot the respect he owed his friend, and in his presence, invade against the minister as a person devoid of gratitude and candor, protesting that if ever an opportunity should offer itself, he would spend the whole remains of his fortune in opposing his measures. The noblemen, having given him time to exhaust the impetuosity of his passion, rebuked him very calmly for his disrespectful expressions, which were equally injurious and in discreet, assured him that this project of revenge, if ever put in execution, would be down to his own prejudice and confusion, and advised him to cultivate and improve, with patience and assiduity, the footing he had already obtained in the minister's good graces. Our hero, convinced of the truth, though not satisfied with the occasion of his admonitions, took his leave in a fit of sullen discontent and began to ruminate upon the shattered posture of his affairs. All that now remained of the ample fortune he had inherited was the sum he had deposited in his lordship's hands, together with fifteen hundred pounds he had ventured on bottomry and the garrison which he had left for the use and accommodation of the lieutenant, and on the per-contrast side of his account he was debtor for the supply he had received from the receiver general and the money for which he was bound in behalf of his friend, so that he found himself for the first time of his life very much embarrassed in his circumstances. For the first half year's interest of his ten thousand, which was punctually paid, he had but four score pounds in bank, without any prospect of out-father supply till the other turn, which was at the distance of four long months. He seriously reflected upon the uncertainty of human affairs, the ship with his fifteen hundred pounds might be lost, the gentleman for whom he was security might miscarry in this, as well as in his former projects, and the minister might one day, through policy or displeasure, expose him to the mercy of his dependent who was in possession of his notes. These suggestions did not at all contribute to the ease of our adventurer's mind, already ruffled by his disappointment. He cursed his own folly and extravagance by which he was reduced to such an uncomfortable situation. He compared his own conduct with out of some young gentleman of his acquaintance, who while he was squandering away the best part of his inheritance, had improved their fortunes, strengthened their interest, and increased their reputation. He was abandoned by his gayity and good humor. His countenance gradually contracted itself into a representation of severity and care. He dropped all his amusements and the companions of his pleasure, and turned his whole attention to the minister, at whose lovelies he never failed to appear. While he thus labored in the wheel of dependence, with all that mortification, which a youth of his pride and sensibility may be supposed to feel, from such a disagreeable necessity, he one day heard himself called by name as he crossed the park and, turning, perceived the wife of Captain Gauntlet with another lady. He no sooner recognized the kind Sophie, than he accosted her with his wanted civility and friendship. But his former sprightly air was metamorphosed into such austerity, or rather, dejection of feature that she could scarce believe her own eyes. And in her astonishment, is it possible, said she, that the gay Mr. Pickle should be so much altered in such a short space of time? He may no other reply to this exclamation, but by a languid smile, and ask how long she had been in town, observing that he would have paid his compliments to her at her own lodgings, had he been favored with the least intimation of her arrival. After having thanked him for his politeness, she told him it was not owing to any abatement of her friendship and esteem for him that she had omitted to give him that notice. But his abrupt departure from Windsor, and the manner in which he quitted Mr. Gauntlet, had given her just grounds to believe that they had incurred his displeasure, which suspicion was reinforced by his long silence and neglect from that period to the present time. She observed it was still further confirmed by his forebearing to inquire for Amelia and her brother. Judge then said, she, if I had any reason to believe that you would be pleased to hear that I was in town. However, I will not detain you at present, because you seem to be engaged about some particular business. But if you will favor me with your company at breakfast tomorrow, I shall be much pleased and honored to by the visit. So saying, she gave him a direction to her lodgings, and he took his leave with a faithful promise of seeing her at the appointed time. He was very much affected with his advance of Sophie, which he considered as an instance of her uncommon sweetness of temper. He felt strange longings of returning friendship towards Godfrey, and the remembrance of Amelia melted his heart already softened with grief and mortification. Next day he did not neglect his engagement and had the pleasure of enjoying a long conversation with this sensible young lady who gave him to understand that her husband was with his regiment and presented to him a fine boy, the first fruits of their love whom they had christened by the name of Peregrine, in memory of the friendship which had subsisted between Godfrey and our youth. This proof of their regard notwithstanding the interruption in their correspondence made a deep impression upon the mind of our adventurer, who having made the warmest acknowledgments for this undeserved mark of respect, took the child in his arms and almost devoured him with kisses, protesting before God that he should always consider him with the tenderness of a parent. This was the highest compliment he could pay to the gentle Sophie, who again kindly chid him for his disdainful and precipitant retreat immediately after her marriage and expressed an earnest desire of seeing him and the captain reconciled. He assured her nothing could give him greater satisfaction than such an event to which he would contribute all that lay in his power, though he could not help looking upon himself as injured by Captain Gauntlet's behaviour which denoted a suspicion of his honour as well as contempt for his understanding. The lady undertook for the concession of her husband who, she told him, had been extremely sorry for his own heat after Mr. Pickle's departure and would have followed him to the garrison in order to solicit his forgiveness, had he not been restrained by certain punctilios, occasioned by some acrimonious expressions that dropped from Peregrine at the end. After having cleared up this misunderstanding, she proceeded to give an account of Amelia, whose behaviour at that juncture plainly indicated a continuance of affection for her first lover and desired that he would give her full powers to bring that matter also to an accommodation. For I am not more certain of my own existence, said she, than that you are still in possession of my sister's heart. At this declaration the tear started in his eye, but he shook his head and declined her good offices, wishing that the young lady might be much more happy than ever he should be able to make her. Mrs. Gauntlet confounded at these expressions and moved by the desponding manner in which they were delivered beg to know if any new obstacle was raised by some late change in his sentiments or situation. And he in order to avoid a painful explanation told her that he had long disbared of being able to vanquish Amelia's resentment and for that reason quitted the pursuit which he would never renew, howsoever his heart might suffer by that resolution. Though he took heaven to witness that his love, esteem and admiration of her were not in the least impaired. But the true motive of his laying aside his design was the consciousness of his decayed fortune, which by adding to the sensibility of his pride, increased the horror of another repulse. She expressed her concern for this determination both on his own account and on behalf of Amelia, whose happiness and her opinion depended upon his constancy and affection. And she would have questioned him more minutely about the state of his affairs had not he discouraged the inquiry by seeking to introduce another subject of conversation. End of chapter 90 part one. Chapter 90 part two of The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle volume two by Tobias Smollett. This lever vox recording is in the public domain. Chapter 90 part two. After mutual protestations of friendship and regard he promised to visit her often during her residence in town and took his leave in a strange perplexity of mind occasioned by the images of love intruding upon the remonstrances of car king care. Yet sometime ago forsaken those extravagant companions with whom he had rioted in the heyday of his fortune and begun to consort with a graver and more sober species of acquaintance. But he now found himself disabled from cultivating the society of these also who were men of ample estates and liberal dispositions in consequence of which their parties were too expensive for the consumptive state of his finances so that he was obliged to descend to another degree and mingle with a set of old bachelors and younger brothers who subsisted on slender annuities or what is called a bare competency in the public funds. This association was composed of second hand politicians and minor critics who in the forenoon saunter in the mall or lounge at shows of pictures appear in the drawing room once or twice a week dine at an ordinary decide disputes in a coffee house with an air of superior intelligence frequent the pit of the play house and once in a month spend an evening with some noted actor whose remarkable sayings they repeat for the entertainment of their ordinary friends. After all he found something comfortable enough in the company of these gentlemen who never interested his passions to any violence of transport nor teased him with important curiosity about his private affairs for though many of them had maintained a very long close and friendly correspondence with each other they never dreamt of inquiring into particular concerns and if one of the two who were most intimately connected had been asked how the other made a shift to live he would have answered with great truth really that is more than i know now withstanding this flagmatic indifference which is of the true english production they were all inoffensive good-natured people who loved a joke and a song delighted in telling a merry story and prided themselves in the art of catering especially in the articles of fish venison and wild fowl our young gentleman was not received among them on the footing of a common member who makes interest for his admission he was courted as a person of superior genius and importance and his compliance looked upon as an honor to their society this their idea of his preeminence was supported by his conversation which while it was more liberal and learned than that to which they had been accustomed was tinctured with and assuming air so agreeably diffused that instead of producing a version it commanded respect they not only appealed to him in all doubts relating to foreign parts to which one in all of them were strangers but also consulted his knowledge in history and divinity which were frequently the topics of their debates and in poetry of all kinds he decided with such magisterial authority as even weighed against the opinions of the players themselves the variety of characters he had seen and observed and the high spheres of life in which he had so lately moved furnished him with a thousand entertaining anecdotes when he became a little familiarized to his disappointments so that his natural vivacity began to revive he flashed among them in such a number of bright sallies as struck them with admiration and constituted himself a classic in wit in so much that they began to retail his remnants and even invited some particular friends to come and hear him hold forth one of the players who had for many years dreaded about the taverns in the neighborhood of covenant garden as the grand turk of wit and humor began to find his admirers melt away and a certain petulant physician who had shown at almost all the pork clubs in that end of the town was actually obliged to import his talents into the city where he was now happily taken root nor was this success to be wondered at if we consider that over and above his natural genius and education our adventurers still had the opportunity of knowing everything which happened among the great by means of his friend cad wallader with whom he still maintained his former intimacy though it was now checkered with many occasional tiffs owing to the sarcastic remonstrances of the misanthrope who disapproved of those schemes which miscarried with peregrine and now took unseasonable methods of valuing himself upon his own foresight nay he was between wows like a raven croaking presages of more ill luck from the deceit of the minister the dissimulation of his patron the folly of the projector for whom he was bound the uncertainty of the seas and the villainy of those with whom he had entrusted his cash for crab tree saw and considered everything through a perspective of spleen that always reflected the worst side of human nature for these reasons our young gentleman began to be disgusted at certain intervals with the character of this old man whom he now thought a morose cynic not so much incensed against the follies and vices of mankind as delighted with the distress of his fellow creatures thus he put the most unfavorable construction on the principles of his friend because he found himself justly fallen under the lash of his animadversion thus self accusation very often dissolves the closest friendship a man conscious of his own indiscretion is implacably offended at the rectitude of his companion's conduct which he considers as an insult upon his failings never to be forgiven even though he has not tasted the bitterness of reproof which no sinner can commodiously digest the friendship therefore subsisting between crab tree and pickle had of late suffered several symptomatic shocks that seemed to prognosticate a total dissolution a great deal of smart dialogue had passed in their private conversations and the senior began to repent of having placed his confidence in such an imprudent headstrong ungovernable youth it was in such paroxysms of displeasure that he prophesied misfortune to peregrine and even told him one morning that he had dreamed of the shipwreck of the two east indian men on board of which he had hazarded his money but this was no other than a false vision for in a few weeks one of them arrived at her moorings in the river and he received a thousand in lieu of 800 pounds which he had lent upon bond to one of the mates at the same time he was informed that the other ship in which he was concerned had in all probability lost her passage for the season by being unable to weather the cave he was not at all concerned at that piece of news knowing that the longer he should be out of his money he would have the more interest to receive and finding his present difficulties removed by this supply his heart began to dilate and his countenance to resume its former alacrity this state of exaltation however it was soon interrupted by a small accident which he could not foresee he was visited one morning by the person who had lent his friend a thousand pounds on his security and given to understand that the borrower had absconded in consequence of a disappointment by which he had lost the whole sum and all hopes of retrieving it so that our hero was now liable for the debt which he was sought him to discharge according to the bond that he the lender might not suffer by his humanity it may be easily conceived that peregrine did not receive this intelligence in cold blood he cursed his own imprudence in contracting such engagements with an adventurer whom he did not sufficiently know he exclaimed against the treachery of the projector and having for some time indulged his resentment and threats and implications inquired into the nature of the scheme which had miscarried the lender who had informed himself of the whole affair gratified his curiosity in this particular by telling him that the fugitive had been cajoled by a certain night of the post who undertook to manage the thousand pounds in such a manner as would in a very little time make him perfectly independent and thus he delineated the plan one half of the sums that he shall be laid out in jewels which are upon to certain persons of credit and fortune who lend money upon such pledges at an exorbitant interest the other shall be kept for relieving them so that they may be again deposited with a second set of those honorable users and when they shall have been circulated in this manner through a variety of hands we will extort money from each of the pawnbrokers by threatening them with a public prosecution for exacting illegal interest and I know that they will bleed freely rather than be exposed to the infamy attending such an accusation the scheme was feasible and though not very honorable made such an impression upon the needy borrower that he assented to the proposals and by our hero's credit the money was raised the jewels were accordingly purchased pawn relieved and repledge by the agent who undertook to manage the whole affair and so judiciously was the project executed that he could have easily proved each lender guilty of the charge having thus far successfully transacted the business this faithful agent visited them severally on his own account to give them intimation that his employer intended to sue them on the statute of usury upon which everyone for himself bribed the informer to withdraw his evidence by which alone he could be convicted and having received these gratifications he had thought proper to retreat into France with the whole booty including the original thousand that put them in motion in consequence of this decantment the borrower had withdrawn himself so that the lender was obliged to have recourse to his security this was a very mortifying account to our young gentleman who in vain reminded the narrator of his promise importing that he would not demand the money until he should be called to an account by his ward and observed that long before that period the fugitive might appear and discharge the debt but the other was deaf to these remonstrances alleging that his promise was provisional on the supposition that the borrower would deal candidly and fairly that he had forfeit it all titled to his friendship and trust by the scandalous scheme in which he had embarked and that his treacherous flight from his security was no proof of his honesty and intended return but on the contrary a warning by which he the lender was taught to take care of himself he therefore insisted upon his being indemnified immediately on pain of letting the law take its course and peregrine was actually obliged to part with the whole sum he had so lately received but this payment was not made without extreme reluctance indignation and denunciation of eternal war against the absconder and the rigid creditor betwixt whom he suspected some collusion end of chapter 90 part 2 chapter 91 of the adventures of peregrine pickle volume 2 by to buy a small it this the bravox recording is in the public domain chapter 91 cat while the dirt acts the part of a comforter to his friend and in his turn is consoled by peregrine who begins to find himself a most egregious dupe this new misfortune which he justly charged to the account of his own folly recalled his chagrin and though he endeavored with all his might to conceal the affair from the knowledge of cadwallader that prying observer perceived his countenance overcast the projectors sudden disappearance alarming his suspicion he manages inquiries with so much art that in a few days he made himself acquainted with every particular of the transaction and resolved to gratify his spleen at the expense of the impatient dupe with this view he took an opportunity to accost him with a very serious air saying a friend of his had immediate occasion for a thousand pounds and as peregrine had the exact sum lying by him he would take it as a great favor if he would part with it for a few months on undoubted security had pickle known the true motive of this demand he would in all likelihood have made a very disagreeable answer but crabtory had wrapped himself up so securely in the dissimulation of his features that the youth could not possibly penetrate into his intention and in the most galling suspense replied that the money was otherwise engaged the misanthrope not contented with this irritation assumed the prerogative of a friend and questioned him so minutely about the disposal of the cash that after numberless evasions which cost him a world of torture to invent he could contain his vexation no longer but exclaimed in a rage darn your impertinent has gone to the devil and that's enough thereafter as it may be said this tormentor with the most provoking indifference of the aspect i should be glad to know upon what footing for i suppose you have some expectation of a dantige from that quarter since death sir cried the impatient youth if i had any expectation from hell i would make interest with you for i believe from my soul you are one of its most favorite ministers upon earth with these words he flung out of the room leaving cadwalleter very well satisfied with the chastisement he had bestowed peregrine having cooled himself with a solitary walk in the park during which the violence of his collar gradually evaporated and his reflection was called to a serious deliberation upon the posture of his affairs he resolved to redouble his diligence and opportunity with his patron and the minister in order to obtain some sinicure which would indemnify him for the damage he had sustained on their account he accordingly went to his lordship and signified his demand after having told him that he had suffered several fresh losses which rendered an immediate provision of that sort necessary to his credit and subsistence his noble friend commended him for the regard he manifested for his own interest which he considered as a proof of his being at last detached from the careless inadvertency of youth he approved of his demand which he assured him should be faithfully transmitted to the minister and back with all his influence and encouraged his hope by observing that some profitable places were at that time vacant and so far as he knew unengaged this conversation helped to restore the tranquility of pickle's breast though he still harbored resentment against cadwalleter on account of the last insult and on the instant he formed a plan of revenge he knew the misanthropes reminiscences from his estate in the country had been of late very scanty in consequence of repairs and bankruptcies among his tenants so that in spite of all his frugality he had been but barely able to maintain his credit and even that was engaged on the strength of his running rent being therefore intimately acquainted with the particulars of his fortune he wrote a letter to Crabtree subscribed with the name of his principal farmer's wife importing that her husband being lately dead and the greatest part of her cattle destroyed by the infectious distemper she found herself utterly incapable of paying the rent which was due or even of keeping the farm unless he would out of his great goodness be pleased to give her some assistance and allow her to sit free for a 12 month to come this intimation he found means to convey by post from a market town adjoining to the farm directed in the usual style to the cynic who seeing it stamped with the known marks could not possibly suspect any imposition hackneyed as he was in the ways of life and steeled with his boasted stoicism this epistle threw him into such an agony of vexation that a double proportion of souring was visible in his aspect when he was visited by the author who having observed and followed the postman at a proper distance introduced a conversation upon his own disappointments in which among other circumstances of his own ill luck he told him that his patron steward had desired to be excused from paying the last quarter of his interest precisely at the appointed term for which reason he should be utterly void of cash and therefore requested that Crabtree would accommodate him within 100 pieces of his next remittance from the country this demand galled and perplexed the old man to such a degree that the muscles of his face assumed a contraction peculiarly virulent and exhibited the character of the argenies with a most lively expression he knew that a confession of his true situation would furnish pickle with an opportunity to make reprisals upon him with intolerable triumph and that by a downright refusal to supply his wants he would forever forfeit his friendship and esteem and might provoke him to take ample vengeance for his sordid behavior by exposing him in his native colors to the resentment of those whom he had so long deceived these considerations kept him some time in a most rancorous state of suspense which peregrine affected to misinterpret by bidding him freely declare his suspicion if he did not think it safe to comply with his request and he would make shift elsewhere this seeming misconstruction increased the torture of the misanthrope who with the utmost irritation of feature owns quite he what villainy have you noted in my conduct that you treat me like a rascally user peregrine very gravely replied that the question needed no answer for said he had I considered you as a user I would have come with a security under my arm but all evasion apart will you stead me will you pleasure me shall I have the money would it were in your belly with a barrel of gunpowder exclaim the enraged cynic since I must be excruciated read that plaguey paper splud why didn't nature clap a pair of long ears and a tail upon me that I might be a real ass and champ this was on some common independent of my fellow creatures would I were a worm that I might creep into the earth and thatch my habitation with a single straw or rather wasp or viper that I might make the rascally world feel my resentment but why do I talk of rascality folly folly is the scourge of light give me a scoundrel so he be a sensible one and I will put him in my heart of hearts but a fool is more mischievous than famine pestilence and war the idiotical hag that writes or causes to be rid this same letter has ruined her family and broke her husband's heart by ignorance and mismanagement and she imputes her calamity to providence with a vengeance and so I am defrauded of 300 pounds the greatest part of which I owe to tradesmen whom I have promised to pay this very quarter pox upon her I wish she were a horned beast that the distemper might lay hold on her who bell down has the impudence to after she has brought me into this dilemma to solicit my assistance to stock the farm anew before God I have a good mind to send her halter and perhaps I might purchase another for myself but that I would not furnish food for laughter to knaves and cox combs peregrine having perused the billet and listened to this ejaculation replied with great composure that he was ashamed to see a man of his years and pretensions to philosophy so ruffled by a trifle what signify all the boasted hardships you have overcome said he and the shrewd observations you pretend to have made on human nature whereas that stoical indifference you affirm you have attained if such a paltry disappointment can disturb you in this manner what is the loss of 300 pounds compared with the misfortunes which I myself have undergone within these two years yet you will take upon you to act the censor and invade against the impatience and impetuosity of you as if you yourself had gained an absolute conquest over all the passions of the heart you were so kind as to insult me another day in my affliction by reproaching me within discretion and misconduct suppose I were now to retort the imputation and ask how a man of your profound sagacity could leave your fortune at the discretion of ignorant peasants how could you be so blind as not to foresee the necessity of repairs together with the danger of bankruptcy moraine or thin crop why did you not convert your land into ready money and as you have no connections in life purchase and annuity on which you might have lived at your ease without any fear of the consequence can't you from the whole budget of your philosophy call one apatham to console you for this trivial mischance rot your rapidity said the cynic have choked with gall if the cancer or the pox were in your throat I should not be thus tormented with your tongue and yet a magpie shall speak infinitely more to the purpose don't you know mr. wise acre that my case does not fall within the province of philosophy had I been curtailed of all my members wracked by the gout and gravel deprived of liberty robbed of an only child or visited with the death of a dear friend like you philosophy might have contributed to my consolation but will philosophy pay my debts or free me from the burden of obligation up to a set of fellows who might despise speak pronounced demonstrate or may have enclosed your mouth forever these are the comfortable fruits of your missanthropy answer the youth your laudable scheme of detaching yourself from the bonds of society and of moving in a superior sphere of your own had you not been so peculiarly sage and intent upon laughing at mankind you could never have been disconcerted by such a pitiful inconvenience any friend would have accommodated you with the sum in question but now the world may retort the laugh for you stand upon such an agreeable footing with your acquaintance that nothing could please them better than an account of your having given disappointment the step by the help of a noose properly applied this I mentioned by way of hint upon which I would have you chew the cud of reflection and should it come to that issue I will use my whole interest with the corner to bring in his verdict lunacy that your carcass may have christian burial so saying he withdrew very well satisfied with the revenge he had taken which operated so violently upon crabtree that if it had not been for the sole consideration mentioned above he would in all probability have had recourse to the remedy proposed but his unwillingness to oblige and entertain his fellow creatures hindered him from practicing that expedient till by course of post he was happily undeceived with regard to the situation of his affairs and that information had such an effect upon him that he not only forgave our he were for the stratagem which he immediately ascribed to the right author but also made him a tender of his purse so that matters for the present were brought to an amicable accommodation meanwhile peregrine never slacked in his attendance upon the great he never omitted to appear upon every lovely day employed his industry and penetration in getting intelligence of posts that were unfilled and every day recommended himself to the good offices of his patron who seemed to espouse his interest with great cordiality nevertheless he was always too late in his application or the place he demanded chance to be out of the minister's gift these intimations though communicated in the most warm professions of friendship and regard gave great umbrage to the young gentleman who considered them as the evasions of an insincere courtier and loudly complained of them as such to his lordship signifying at the same time an intention to sell his mortgage for ready money which he would expend to the last farthing in thwarting his honor in the very first election he should patronize his lordship never wanted a proper exhortation upon these occasions he did not now endeavor to pacify him with assurances of the minister's favor because he perceived that these medicines had by repeated use lost their effect upon our adventurer whose menaces he now combated by representing that the minister's purse was heavier than that of mr pickle that therefore should he make a point of opposing his interest the youth must infallibly fail in the contest in which case he would find himself utterly destitute of the means of subsistence and consequently precluded from all hope of provision this was an observation the truth of which our young gentleman could not pretend to doubt though it did not at all tend to the vindication of his honor's conduct indeed pickle began to suspect the sincerity of his own patron who in his opinion had trifled with his impatience and even eluded by sorry excuses his desire of having another private audience of the first mover his lordship also began to be less accessible than usual and peregrine had been obliged to done the steward with repeated demands before he could finger the last quarter of his interest alarmed by these considerations he went and consulted the nobleman whom he had obliged in the affair of his son and had that mortification to hear but a very indifferent character of the person in whom he had so long confided this new advisor who though a courtier was a rival of the other gave our adventurer to understand that he had been leaning upon a broken read that his professed patron was a man of shattered fortune and decayed interest which extended no farther than a smile and a whisper that for his own part he should have been proud of an opportunity to use his influence with the minister on behalf of mr pickle but since you have put yourself under the protection of another peer said he whose connections interfere with mine i cannot now espouse your cause without incurring the imputation of seducing that nobleman's adherence a charge which of all others i would most carefully avoid however i shall always be ready to assist you with my private advice as a specimen of which i now counsel you to insist upon having another interview with sir steady steer well steady steer well himself that you may in person explain your pretensions without any risk of being misrepresented and endeavor if possible to draw him into some particular promise from which he cannot retract with any regard to his reputation for general profession is a necessary armor worn by all ministers in their own defense against the importunity of those whom they will not befriend and would not disoblige this advice was so conformable to his own sentiments that our adventurer sees the first opportunity to demand a hearing and plainly told his patron that if he could not be indulged with that favor he should look upon his lordship's influence to be very small and his own hopes to be altogether desperate in which case he was resolved to dispose of the mortgage purchase and annuity and live independent in the chapter 91 chapter 92 of the adventures of peregrine pickle volume 2 by Tobias Smollett this LibriVox recording is in the public domain chapter 92 he is indulged with a second audience by the minister of whose sincerity he is convinced his pride and ambition revive and again are mortified if the young gentleman's money had been in other hands perhaps the peer would have been at very little pains either in gratifying his demand or opposing his revenge but he knew that the sale of the mortgage could not be affected without an inquiry to which he did not wish to be exposed he therefore employed all his interest in procuring the solicited audience this being granted peregrine with great warmth and eloquence expatiated upon the injury his fortune had suffered in the affair of the borough for which he had stood candidate he took notice of the disappointment he had sustained in the other election reminded him of the promises with which he had been amused and in conclusion desired to know what he had to expect from his favor the minister having patiently heard him to an end replied with the most gracious aspect that he was very well informed of his merit and attachment and very much disposed to convince him of the regard which he paid to both that till of late he did not know the nature of his expectations neither had he the power of creating posts for those whom he was inclined to serve but if mr. pickle would chalk out any feasible method by which he could manifest his sentiments of friendship he should not be backward in executing the plan peregrine laying hold on this declaration mentioned several places which he knew to be vacant but the old evasion was still used one of them was not in his department of business another had been promised to the third son of a certain or before the death of the last possessor and the third was encumbered with a pension that ate up a good half of the appointments in short such obstructions were started to all his proposals as he could not possibly surmount though he plainly perceived they were no other than specious pretexts to cover the mortifying side of a refusal exasperated therefore at this lack of sincerity and gratitude i can easily foresee said he that such difficulties will never be wanting when i have anything to ask and for that reason will save myself the trouble of any further application so saying he withdrew in a very abrupt manner breathing defiance and revenge but his patron who did not think proper to drive him to extremities found means to persuade his honor to do something for the pacification of the young man's collar and that same evening our adventurer received a message from his lordship desiring to see him immediately in consequence of this intimation pickle went to his house and appeared before him with a very cloudy aspect which signified to whom it might concern that his temper was at present too much called to endure reproof and therefore the sagacious peer for board taking him to task for his behavior during the audience he had obtained but gave him to understand that the minister in consideration of his services had sent him a bank note of 300 pounds with a promise of the like some yearly until he could be otherwise provided for this declaration in some measure appeased the youth who condescended to accept the present and next levy day made his acknowledgment to the donor who favored him with a smile of infinite complacency which entirely dissipated all the remains of his resentment for as he could not possibly divine the true cause of his being temporized with he looked upon this condescension as an undoubted proof of sir steady sincerity and firmly believe that he would settle him in some place with the first opportunity rather than continue to pay this pension out of his own pocket in all probability his prediction would have been verified had not an unforeseen accident in a moment overwhelmed the bark of his interest at court meanwhile this short gleam of good fortune recalled the ideas of pride and ambition which he had formally cherished his countenance was again lifted up his good humor retrieved and his mean re-exalted indeed he began to be considered as a rising man by his fellow dependents who saw the particular notice with which he was favored at the public levy and some of them for that reason were at pains to court his good graces he no longer shunned his former intimates with whom a good part of his fortune had been spent but made up to them in all places of public resort with the same ease and familiarity as he had been used to express and even re-embarked in some of their excesses upon the strength of his sanguine expectation cad wallader and he renewed their consultations in the court of ridicule and divers exploits were achieved to the confusion of those who had sailed into the north of their displeasure but these enjoyments were soon interrupted by a misfortune equally fatal and unexpected his noble patron was seized with an apoplectic fit from which he was recovered by the physicians that they might dispatch him according to rule and in two months after they were called he went the way of all flesh peregrine was very much afflicted at this event not only on account of his friendship for the deceased to whom he thought himself under many and great obligations but also because he feared that his own interest would suffer a severe shock by the removal of this nobleman whom he considered as its chief support he put himself therefore in mourning out of regard to the memory of his departed friend and exhibited genuine marks of sorrow and concern though he had in reality more cause to grieve than he has yet imagined when quarter day came about he applied to the steward of his lordship's air for the interest of his money as usual and the reader will readily own he had some reason to be surprised when he was told he had no claim either to principle or interest true it is the manager talked very civilly as well as sensibly on the subject your appearance sir said he typical screens you from all suspicion of an intended fraud but the mortgage upon those lands you mentioned was granted to another person many years before you pretend to have lent that some and i have this very morning paid one quarter's interest as appears from this receipt which you may peruse for your satisfaction peregrine was so thunderstruck at this information which stripped him of his all that he could not utter one word a circumstance that did no great honor to his character in the opinion of the steward who in good earnest began to entertain some doubts of his integrity for among the papers of the deceased which he had examined there was no writing memorandum or receipt relating to this encumbrance after a long pause of stupefaction peregrine recollected himself so far as to observe that either he was egregiously mistaken or the predecessor of his lord the greatest villain upon earth but mr. wadya column said he you must give me leave to tell you that your bare assertion in this affair will by no means induce me to put up quietly with the loss of 10 000 pounds having thus expressed himself he retired from the house so discontented at this demur that he scarce knew whether he moved upon his head or heels and the park chancing to be in his way he sauntered about giving vent to a solele qui in praise of his departed friend the burden of which was a string of incoherent curses implicated upon himself till his transports by degrees giving way to his reflection he deliberated seriously and sorrowfully upon his misfortune and resolved to consult lawyers without loss of time but first of all he proposed to make personal application to the air who by a candid representation of the case might be inclined to do him justice in consequence of this determination he next morning put his writings in his pocket and went in a chair to the house of the young nobleman to whom being admitted by virtue of his appearance and a small gratification to the porter he explained the whole affair co-arrabberating his assertions with the papers which he produced and describing the disgrace that would be entailed upon the memory of the deceased should he be obliged to seek redress in a public court of justice the executor who was a person of good breeding condoled him upon his loss with great good nature though he did not seem much surprised at his account of the matter but wished that since the fraud must have been committed the damage had fallen upon the first mortgager who he said was a thievish user grown rich by the distresses of his fellow creatures in answer to our heroes remonstrances he observed that he did not look upon himself as obliged to pay the least regard to the character of his predecessor who had used him with great barbarity and injustice not only in excluding him from his countenance and assistance but also in prejudicing his inheritance as much as late in his power so that it could not be reasonably expected that he would pay ten thousand pounds of his debt for which he had received no value peregrine in spite of his chagrin could not help owning within himself that there was a good deal of reason in this refusal after having given loose to his indignation in the most violent inductives against the defunt he took his leave of the complacent heir and had immediate recourse to the advice of council who assured him that he had an excellent plea and was accordingly retained in the cause all these measures were taken in the first vigor of his exertion during which his spirits were so fluttered with the diversity of passions produced by his mischance that he mistook for equanimity that which was no other than intoxication and two whole days elapsed before he attained a due sense of his misfortune then indeed he underwent a woeful self-examination every circumstance of the inquiry added fresh pangs to his reflection and the result of the whole was a discovery that his fortune was totally consumed and himself reduced to a state of the most deplorable dependence this suggestion alone might in the anguish of his despondency have driven him to some desperate course had it not been in some measure qualified by the confidence of his lawyers and the assurance of the minister which slender as the world has generally found them were the only bulwarks between misery and him the mind is naturally pliable and provided it has the least hope to lean upon adapts itself wonderfully to the emergencies of fortune especially when the imagination is gay and luxuriant this was the case with our adventurer instead of indulging the melancholy ideas which his loss inspired he had recourse to the flattering delusions of hope soothing himself with unsubstantial plans of future greatness and endeavoring to cover what was passed with the veil of oblivion after some hesitation he resolved to make crabtree acquainted with his misfortune that once for all he might pass the ordeal of his satire without subjecting himself to a long series of sarcastic hints and doubtful illusions which he could not endure he accordingly took the first opportunity of telling him that he was absolutely ruined by the perfidy of his patron and desired that he would not aggravate his affliction by those cynical remarks which were peculiar to many of his misanthropical disposition cadwallader listened to this declaration with internal surprise which however produced no alteration in his countenance and after some pause observed that our hero had no reason to look for any new observation from him upon this event which he had long foreseen and daily expected and exhorted him with an ironical sneer to console himself with the promise of the minister who would doubtless discharge the debts of his deceased bosom friend end of chapter 92 chapter 93 of the adventures of peregrine pickle volume 2 by tobias small it this leverbox recording is in the public domain chapter 93 peregrine commits himself to the public and is admitted member of a college of authors the bitterness of this explanation being passed our young gentlemen began to revolve within himself schemes for making up the deficiencies of his yearly income which was now so grievously reduced and determined to profit in some shape or other by those talents which he owed to nature and education he had in his affluence heard of several authors who without any pretensions to genius or human literature earned a very genteel subsistence by undertaking work for booksellers in which reputation was not at all concerned one for example professed all manner of translation at so much per sheet and actually kept five or six mnu ncs continually employed like so many clerks in a counting house by which means he was unable to live at his ease and enjoy his friend in his bottle ambitious of no other character than that of an honest man and a good neighbor another projected a variety of plans for new dictionaries which were executed under his eye by day laborers and the province of a third was history and voyages collected or abridged by understrapers of the same class mr pickle and his comparisons paid such deference to his own capacity as vanished all doubts of his being able to excel any of those undertakers in their different branches of profession if ever he should be driven to that experiment but his ambition prompted him to make his interest and glory coincide by attempting some performance which should do him honor with the public and at the same time establishes importance among the copy purchasers in town with his view he worshiped the muse and conscious of the little regard which is in this age paid to every species of poetic composition in which neither satire nor obscenity occurs he produced an imitation of juvenile and lash some conspicuous characters with equal truth spirit and severity though his name did not appear in the title page of this production he managed matters so that the work was universally imputed to the true author who was not altogether disappointed in his expectations of success for the impression was immediately sold off and the piece became the subject of conversation in all assemblies of taste this happy exhorting not only attracted the addresses of the booksellers who made interest for his acquaintance but also aroused the notice of a society of authors who styled themselves the college from which he was honored with a deputation offering to enroll him a member by unanimous consent the person employed for this purpose being a bard who had formerly tasted of our hero's bounty used all his eloquence to persuade him to comply with the advances of their fraternity which he described in such a manner as inflamed the curiosity of pickle who dismissed the ambassador with an acknowledgement of the great honor they conferred upon him and a faithful promise of endeavoring to merit the continuance of their approbation he was after his by the same minister instructed in the ceremonies of the college the inconsequence of his information composed an ode to be publicly recited on the evening of his introduction he understood that this constitution was no other than a body of authors incorporated by mutual consent for their joint advantage and satisfaction opposed to another assembly of the same kind there are avowed enemies and detractors no wonder then that they sought to strengthen themselves with such a valuable acquisition as our hero was likely to prove the college consisted of authors only and these of all degrees and point of reputation from the fabricator of a song set to music and sung at merrill bone to the dramatic bard who had appeared in buskins upon the stage nay one of the members had actually finished eight books of an epic poem for the publication of which he was at that time soliciting subscriptions it cannot be supposed that such a congregation of the sons of apollo would sit a whole evening with order and decorum unless they were under the check of some established authority and this inconvenience having been foreseen they had elected a president vested with full power to silence any member or members that should attempt to disturb the harmony and subordination of the whole the sage who at this time possessed the chair was a person in years whose countenance was a lively portraiture of that rancorous discontent which follows repeated damnation he had been extremely unfortunate in his theatrical productions and was to use the words of a profane wag who assisted at the condemnation of his last play by this time darned beyond redemption nevertheless he still tearyed about the skirts of parnassus translating some of the classics and writing miscellaneous and by dint of an invincible assurance super silliest insolence the most undaunted virulence of tongue and some knowledge of life he made shift to acquire and maintain the character of a man of learning and wit in the opinion of people who had neither that is 39 in 40 of those with whom he associated himself he was even looked upon in this light by some few of the college though the major part of those who favored his election were such as dreaded his malice respected his experience and seniority or hated his competitor who was the epic poet the chief end of this society as i've already hinted was to assist and support each other in their productions which they mutually recommended to sail with all their art and influence not only in private conversation but also in occasional epigrams criticisms and advertisements inserted in the public papers this science which is known by the vulgar appellation of puffing they carried to such a pitch of finesse that an author very often wrote an abusive answer to his own performance in order to inflame the curiosity of the town by which it had been overlooked notwithstanding this general unanimity in the college a private animosity had long subsisted between the two rivals i've mentioned on account of precedence to which both laid claim though by a majority of votes it had been decided in favor of the present chairman the greg indeed never proceeded to any degree of outrage or defiance but manifested itself at every meaning in attempts to eclipse each other in smart sayings and pregnant repartee so that there was always a delicate mess of this kind of wit served up in the front of the evening for the entertainment an example of the junior members who never failed to divide upon this occasion declaring themselves for one of the other of the combatants whom they encouraged by their looks gestures and applause according to the circumstances of the dispute this honorable consistory was held in the best room of an ale house which afforded wine punch or beer suitable to the purse or inclination of every individual who separately paid for his own choice and here was our hero introduced in the midst of twenty strangers who by their looks and equip each formed a very picturesque variety he was received with utmost gracious solemnity and placed upon the right hand of the president who having commanded silence recited aloud his introductory ode which met with universal approbation then was tender to him the customary oath obliging him to consult the honor and advantage of the society as far as it should be in his power in every station of life and this being taken his temples were bound with a wreath of laurel which was kept sacred for such inauguration when these rights were performed with all due ceremony the new member cast his eyes around the place and took a more accurate survey of his brethren among whom he observed a strange collection of periwigs with regard to the color fashions and dimensions which were such as he had never seen before those who sat on each side near as the president were generally distinguished by venerable ties the four tops of which exhibited a surprising diversity some of them rose slanting backwards like the glacis of fortification some were elevated in two distinct eminences like the hills helicon and parnassus and others were curled and reflected as the horns of jupiter amon next to these the majors took place many of which were mere succonia made by the application of an occasional rose to the tail of a length bob and in the lower form appeared masses of hair which would admit of no description their clothes were tolerably well suited to the furniture of their heads the apparel of the upper bench being decent and clean while that of the second class was threadbare and soiled and at the lower end of the room he perceived divers efforts made to conceal their rent breaches and dirty linen may he could distinguish by their countenances the different kinds of poetry in which they exercised the muse he saw tragedy conspicuous in a grave solemnity of regard satire lowering in a frown of envy and discontent elegy whining in a funeral aspect pastoral dosing in a most insipid languor of face ode writing delineated in a distracted stare an epigram squinting with a pert sneer perhaps our hero refined too much in his penetration when he affirmed that over and above these discoveries he could plainly perceive the state of everyone's finances and would have undertaken to have guessed each particular sum without bearing three farthings from the truth the conversation instead of becoming general began to fall into parties and the epic poet had actually attracted the attention of a private committee when the chairman interposed calling aloud no cabals no conspiracies gentlemen his rival thinking it incumbent upon him to make some reply to this rebuke answered we have no secrets he that hath used let him hear this was spoke as an intimation to the company whose looks were instantly wedded with the expectation of their ordinary meal but the president seemed to decline the contest for without putting on his fighting face he calmly replied that he had seen mister metaphor tip the wink and whispered to one of his confederates and then judged that there was something mysterious on the carpet the epic poet believing his antagonist crestfallen resolved to take the advantage of his dejection that he might enhance his own character in the opinion of the stranger and with that view asked with an air of exaltation if a man might not be allowed to have a convulsion in his eye without being suspected of a conspiracy the president perceiving his drift and peaked at his presumption to be sure that he a man of a weak head may be very well supposed to have convulsions in his eyes this repartee produced a laugh of triumph among the chairman's adherence one of whom observed that his rival had got a smart rap on the pate yes replied the bard in that respect mr chairman has the advantage of me had my head been fortified with a hornwork i should not have been so sensible of the stroke this retort which carried a severe illusion to the president's wife lighted up the countenances of the aggressor's friends which had begun to be a little album braided and had a contrary effect upon the other faction till their chief collecting all his capacity returned the salute by observing that there was no occasion for a hornwork when the covered way was not worth defending such a reprisal upon mr metaphors yoke fellow who was by no means remarkable for her beauty could not feel to operate upon the hearers and as for the bard himself he was evidently ruffled by the reflection to which however he without hesitation replied e gad is my opinion that if your covered way was laid open few people would venture to give the assault not unless their batteries were more effectual than the fire of your wit said the president as for that matter cried the other with precipitation they would have no occasion to batter in breach they would find the angle of the lap who sell bastion demolished to their hands he he but i believe it would surpass your understanding resume the chairman to fill up the foxy that i own is impracticable replied the bard there i should meet with a hiatus maxim the flinders the president exasperated at this insinuation in presence of the new member exclaimed with indignation in his looks and yet if a body of pioneers were set at work upon your skull they would find rubbish enough to choke up all the common sewers in town ira groan was uttered by the admirers of the epic poet who taking a pinch of snuff with great composure when a man grows fearless said he i take it for an undoubted proof of his overthrow if that be the case cried the other you yourself must be the vanquish party for you were the first that was driven to personal abuse i appeal answered the bard to those who can distinguish gentlemen your judgment this reference produced a universal clamor and the whole college was involved in confusion every man entered into dispute with his neighbor on the merits of this cause the chairman interposed his authority in vain the noise grew louder and louder the disputance waxed warm the epithets of blockhead fool and scoundrel were bandied about peregrine enjoyed the uproar and leaping upon the table sounded the charge to battle which was immediately commenced in ten different duels the lights were extinguished the combatants thrashed one another without distinction the mist of his pickle distributed sundry random blows in the dark and the people below being alarmed with the sound of application the overturning of chairs and the outcries of those who were engaged came upstairs in a body with lights to reconnoiter and if possible quell this hideous tumult objects were no sooner rendered visible than the field of battle exhibited strange groups of the standing and the fallen each of mr metaphors eyes was surrounded with a circle of a livid hue and the president's nose distilled a quantity of clotted blood one of the tragic authors finding himself assaulted in the dark had by way of a poignant employed upon his adversaries throat and knife which lay upon the table for the convenience of cutting cheese but by the blessing of god the edge of it was not keen enough to enter the skin which it had only scratched in diverse places a satirist had almost bit off the ear of a lyric bard shirts and neck cloths were torn to rags and there was such a woeful wreck of periwigs on the floor that no examination could adjust the property of the owners the greatest part of whom were obliged to use handkerchiefs by way of night cat the fray however ceased at the approach of those who interposed part of the combatants being tired of an exercise in which they had received nothing but hard blows part of them being intimidated by the remonstrances of the landlord and his company who threatened to call the watch and a very few being ashamed of the scandalous dispute in which they were detected but though the battle was ended it was impossible for that evening to restore harmony and good order to the society which broke up after the president had pronounced a short and confused apology to our adventurer for the indecent uproar which had unfortunately happened on the first night of his admission indeed peregrine deliberated with himself whether or not his reputation would allow him to appear again among this venerable fraternity but as he knew some of them to be men of real genius how ridiculous so ever their carriage might be modified and was of that laughing disposition which is always seeking food from earth as Horace observes of phillipus rhesus dickway quiet he resolved to frequent the college notwithstanding this accident which happened at his inauguration being there to moreover induced by his desire of knowing the private history of the stage with which he supposed some of the members perfectly well acquainted he was also visited before the next meeting by his introducer who assured him that such a tumult had never happened since the first institution of the assembly till that very night and promised that for the future he should have no cause to be scandalized at their behavior persuaded by these motives and assurances he trusted himself once more in the midst of their community and everything proceeded with great decorum all dispute and altercation was avoided and the college applied itself seriously to the purposes of its meeting namely to hear the grievances of individuals and assist them with salutary advice the first person that craved regress was a noisy north britain who complained in a strange dialect that he had in the beginning of the season presented a comedy to the manager of a certain theater who after it had lain six weeks in his hands returned it to the author affirming there was neither sense nor English in the performance the president who by the by had revised the piece thinking his own reputation concerned declared in presence of the whole society that with regard to sense he would not undertake to vindicate the production but in point of language no fault could be justly laid to its charge the case however is very plain said he the manager never gave himself the trouble to peruse the play performed a judgment of it from the conversation of the author never dreaming that it had undergone the revival of an English writer be that as it will you are infinitely obliged to him for having dispatched you so soon and I shall have the better opinion of him for it so long as I live for I've known other guys authors than you that is in point of interest and fame kept in continual attendance and dependence during the best part of their lives and after all disappointed in the expectation of seeing their performances exhibited on the stage end of chapter 93 chapter 94 part one of the adventures of peregrine pickle volume 2 by Tobias Smollett this LibriVox recording is in the public domain further proceedings of the college this affair was no sooner discussed than another gentleman exhibited a complaint signifying that he had undertaken to translate into English a certain celebrated author who had been cruelly mangled by former attempts and that soon as his design took care the proprietors of those miserable translations had endeavored to prejudice his work by industrious insinuations contrary to truth and fair dealing importing that he did not understand one word of the language which he pretended to translate this being a case that nearly concerned the greatest part of the audience it was taken into serious deliberation some observed that it was not only a malicious effort against the plaintiff but also a spiteful advertisement to the public tending to promote an inquiry into the abilities of all other translators few of whom it was well known were so qualified as to stand the test of such examination others said that over and above this consideration which ought to have its due weight with the college there was a necessity for concerning measures to humble the presumption of booksellers who had from time immemorial taken all opportunities to oppress and enslave their authors not only by limiting men of genius to the wages of journeymen tailors without even allowing them one Sabbath in the week but also in taking such advantages of their necessities as were inconsistent with justice and humanity for example said one of the members after I myself had acquired a little reputation with the town I was caressed by one of those tyrants who professed a friendship for me and even supplied me with money according to the exigencies of my situation so that I looked upon him as the mirror of disinterested benevolence and had he known my disposition and treated me accordingly I should have it for him upon his own terms after I'd used his friendship in this manner for some time I happened to have occasion for a small sum of money and with great confidence made another application to my good friend when all of a sudden he put a stop to his generosity refused to accommodate me in the most abrupt and mortifying style and though I was at that time pretty far advanced in a work for his benefit which was a sufficient security for what I owed him he roundly asked how I proposed to pay the money which I had already borrowed thus was I used like a young whore and just come upon the town whom the bard allows to run into her debt that she may have it in her power to oppress her at pleasure and if the sufferer complained she is treated like the most ungrateful wretch upon earth and that too with such appearance of reason as may easily mislead an unconcerned spectator you unthankful drab she will say did not take you into my house when you hadn't a shift to your back a petticoat to your tail nor a morsel of bread to put into your belly hand I clothed you from head to foot like a gentle woman supported you with board lodging and all necessaries to your own extravagance hath brought you into distress and now you have the impudence you nasty stinking brimstone bung away to say you are hardly dealt with when I demand no more than my own thus the whore and the author are equally oppressed and even left without the melancholy privilege of complaining so that they are feigned to subscribe to such terms as their creditors shall please to impose this illustration operated so powerfully upon the conviction and resentment of the whole college that revenge was universally denounced against those who had agreed the plaintiff and after some debate it was agreed that he should make a new translation of some other saleable book in opposition to a former version belonging to the delinquents and printed in such a small size as would enable him to undersell their property and that this new translation should be recommended and introduced into the world with the whole art and influence of the society this affair being settled to the satisfaction of all present an author of some character stood up and crave the advice and assistance of his fellows in punishing a certain nobleman of great pretensions to taste who in consequence of a production which this gentleman had ushered into the world with universal applause not only desired but even eagerly courted his acquaintance he invited me to his house that he where I was overwhelmed with civility and professions of friendship he insisted upon my treating him as an intimate and calling upon him at all hours without ceremony he made me promise to breakfast with him at least three times a week in short I looked upon myself as very fortunate in meeting with such advances from a man of his interest and reputation who had it in his power to be friendly effectively in my passage through life and that I might not give him any cause to think I neglected his friendship I went to his house in two days with a view of drinking chocolate according to appointment but he had been so much fatigued with dancing at an assembly overnight that his valet de chambre would not venture to wake him so early and I left my compliments to his lordship with a performance in manuscript which he had expressed a most eager desire to peruse I repeated my visit next morning that his impatience to see me might not have some violent effect upon his constitution and received a message from his minister signifying that he had been highly entertained with the manuscript I had left a great part of which he had read but was at present so busy and contriving a proper dress for a private masquerade which would be given that same evening that he could not have the pleasure of my company at breakfast this was a feasible excuse which I admitted accordingly and in a day or two appeared again when his lordship was particularly engaged this might possibly be the case and therefore I returned the fourth time in hopes of finding him more at leisure but he had gone out about half an hour before my arrival and left my performance with his valet de chambre who assured me that his lord had perused it with infinite pleasure perhaps I might have retired very well satisfied with this declaration had not I in my passage through the hall heard one of the footmen upon the top of the staircase pronounced with an audible voice were your lordship pleased to be at home when he calls it is not to be supposed that I was pleased at this discovery which I know sooner made then turning to my conductor I find said I his lordship is disposed to be abroad to more people than me this morning the fellow though a valet de chambre blushed at this observation and I withdrew not a little irritated at the pier's disingenuity and fully resolved to spare him my visits for the future it was not long after this occasion that I happened to meet him in the park and being naturally civil I could not pass him without a salutation of the hat which he returned in the most distant manner though we were both solitary and not a soul within view and when that very performance which he had applauded so warmly was lately published by subscription he did not bespeak so much as one copy I've often reflected with wonder upon this inconsistency of his conduct I never courted his patronage nor indeed thought of his name until he made interest for my acquaintance and if he was disappointed in my conversation why did he press me so much to further connection the case is very clear quite the chairman interrupting him he is one of those connoisseurs who set up for taste and value themselves upon knowing all men of genius whom they would be thought to assist in their productions I will lay an even bet with any man that his lordship on the strength of that slender interview together with the opportunity of having seen your performance in manuscript has already hinted to every company in which he is conversant that you solicited his assistance in retouching the piece which you have now offered to the public and that he was pleased to favor you with his advice but found you obstinately bigoted to your own opinion in some points relating to those very passages which have not met with the approbation of the town as for his caresses there was nothing at all extraordinary in his behavior by that time you have lived to my age you will not be surprised to see a courtier's promise and performance of a different complexion not but that I would willingly act as an auxiliary in your resentment the opinion of the president was strengthened by the concurrence of all the members and all other complaints and memorials being deferred till another sitting the college proceeded to an exercise of wit which was generally performed once every fortnight with a view to promote the expectation of genius the subject was occasionally chosen by the chairman who opened the game with some shrewd remark naturally arising from the conversation and then the ball was tossed about from one corner of the room to the other according to the motions of the spirit that the reader may have a just idea of this sport and of the abilities of those who carried it on I shall repeat the salaries of this evening according to the order and succession in which they escaped one of the members observing that mr. metaphor was absent was told by the person who sat next to him that the poet had vowed whether at home and could not stir abroad what said the president into posing with the signal upon his countenance is he windbound import wine bound I suppose quite another whooped with wine a strange metaphor said the third not if he has got into a hog's head and to the fourth the hog's head will sooner get into him replied a fifth it must be a ton or an ocean no wonder then if he should be overwhelmed set a six if he should cut a seven he will cast up when his gall breaks that must be very soon warden eighth fort has been long ready to burst no no observed a ninth he'll stick fast at the bottom take my word for it he has a natural aliquity in sinking and yet remarked a tenth I've seen him in the clouds then was he cloudy I suppose cried the 11th so dark replied the other that his meaning could not be perceived for all that said the 12th he is easily seen through you talk answered the 13th as if his head was made of glass no no cried the 14th his head is made of more durable stuff it will bend before it breaks yet I've seen it broken resume the president did you perceive any wit come out at the hole said another his wit replied the chairman is too settled to be perceived a third mouth was just open when the exercise was suddenly interrupted by the dreadful cry of fire which issued from the kitchen and involved the whole college in confusion every man endeavored to be the first in making his exit the door and passage were blocked up each individual was pummeled by the person that happened to be behind him this communication produced noise and exclamation clouds of smoke rolled upwards into the apartment and terror sat on every brow when peregrine seeing no prospect of retreating by the door opened one of the windows and fairly leaped into the street where he found a crowd of people assembled to contribute their assistance in extinguishing the flames several members of the college followed his example and happily accomplished their escape the chairman himself being unwilling to use the same expedient stood trembling on the brink of dissent dubious of his own agility and reading the consequence of such a leap when a chair happening to pass he laid hold onto the opportunity and by an exertion of his muscles pitched upon the top of the carriage which was immediately overturned in the kennel to the grievous annoyance of the fair which happened to be a certain effeminate bow in full dress on his way to a private assembly this phantom hearing the noise overhead and feeding the shock of being overthrown at the same time thought that some whole tenement had fallen upon the chair and in the terror of being crushed to pieces out of the screen which the populace supposed to proceed from the mouth of a woman and therefore went to his assistance while the chairman instead of ministering to his occasions no sooner recollect themselves than they ran in pursuit of their overthrower who being accustomed to escape from bailiffs dived into a dark alley and vanishing in a trice was not visible to any living soul until he appeared next day on tower hill the humane part of the mob who bestowed themselves for the relief of the supposed lady no sooner perceived their mistake in the appearance of the bow who stared around him with horror and a fright than their compassion was changed into mirth and they began to pass a great many unsavory jokes upon his misfortune which they now discovered no inclination to alleviate and he found himself very uncomfortably beset when pickle beating his situation interposed in his behalf and prevailed upon the chairman to carry him into the house of an apothecary in the neighborhood to whom his mischance proved a very advantageous accident for the fright operated so violently upon his nerves that he was seized with a delirium and lay a whole fortnight deprived of his senses during which period he was not neglected in point of medicines food and attendance but royally regaled as appeared by the contents of his landlord's bill our adventure having seen this unfortunate bow safely housed returned to the scene of the other calamity which as it was no other than a foul chimney soon yielded to the endeavors of the family and was happily overcome without any other bad consequence than that of alarming the neighbors to serving the college and disordering the brain of a bow eager to be acquainted with the particular constitutions of a society which seemed to open upon him by degrees mr pickle did not fail to appear at the next meeting when several petitions were laid before the board and behalf of those members who were confined in the prisons of the fleet marshal c and king's bench as those unhappy authors expected nothing from their brethren but advice in good offices which did not concern the purse the memorials were considered with great care and humanity and upon this occasion peregrine had it in his power to manifest his importance to the community for he happened to be acquainted with the creditor of one of the prisoners and knew that gentlemen's severity was owing to his resentment at the behavior of the debtor who had lampooned him in print because he refused to comply with a fresh demand after he had lent him money to the amount of a considerable sum our young gentleman therefore understanding that the author was penitent and disposed to make a reasonable submission promised to employ his influence with the creditor towards an accommodation and in a few days actually obtained his release the social duties being discharged the conversation took a general turn and several new productions were freely criticized those especially which belong to authors who were either unconnected with or unknown to the college nor did the profession of stage playing escape the cognizance of the assembly a deputation of the most judicious members being sent weekly to each theater with a view of making remarks upon the performance of the actors the censors for the preceding week were accordingly called upon to give in their report and the play which they had reviewed was the revenge mr. q said the second censor take him all in all is certainly the most complete and unblemished performer that ever appeared on our stage notwithstanding the blind adoration which is paid to his rival i went two nights ago with an express design to criticize his action i could find no room for censure but infinite subject for admiration and applause in pierre he's great and our fellow excellent but in zanga beyond all imitation over and above the distinctness of pronunciation the dignity of attitude and expression of face his gestures are so just and significant that a man though utterly bereft of the sense of hearing might by seeing him only understand the meaning of every word he speaks sure nothing can be more exquisite than his manner of telling isabella how alonzo behaved when he found the incendiary letter which he had dropped by the moor's direction and when to crown his vengeance he discovers himself to be the contriver of all the mischief that had happened he manifests a perfect masterpiece of action in pronouncing these four little monosyllables no then was i peregrine having eyed the critic some minutes i fancy city your praise must be ironical because in the very two situations you mentioned i think i've seen that player out here at herod or in other words exceed all his other extravagances the intention of the author is that the moor should communicate to his confidant a piece of information contained in a few lines which doubtless ought to be repeated with an air of eagerness and satisfaction not with a ridiculous grimace of a monkey to which me thought his action bore an intimate resemblance in uttering this plain sentence he took it up but scarce was it unfolded to his sight when he as if an arrow pierced his eye started and trembling dropped it on the ground in pronouncing the first two words this egregious actor stooped down and seems to take up something from the stage then proceeding to repeat what follows mimics the manner of unfolding a letter when he mentions the simile of an arrow piercing the eye he darts his forefinger towards that organ then recoils with great violence when the word started is expressed and when he comes to trembling dropped it on the ground he throws all his limbs into a tremulous motion and shakes the imaginary paper from his hand the latter part of the description is carried on with the same minute gesticulation while he says pale and aghast a while my victim stood disguised as sight or two and puffed them from him then rubbed his brow and took it up again the player's countenance assumes a wild stare he sighs twice most piteously as if he were on the point of suffocation scrubs his forehead and bending his body apes the action of snatching an object from the floor nor is this dexterity of dumb show omitted when he concludes his imitation and these three lines at first he looked as if he meant to read it but checked by rising fears he crushed it thus and thrust it like an adder in his bosom here the judicious performer imitates the confusion and concern of Alonso seems to cast his eyes upon something from which they are immediately withdrawn with horror and precipitation then shedding his fist with a violent squeeze as if he intended to make immediate application to Isabella's nose he rams it in his own bosom with all the horror and agitation of a thief taken in the manner where the player debards the use of speech and obliged to act to the eyes only of the audience this mimicry might be a necessary conveyance of his meaning but when he is at liberty to signify his ideas by language nothing can be more trivial forced unnatural and antique than this mummery not that i would exclude from that representation the graces of action without which the choicest sentiments clothed in the most exquisite expression would appear unanimated and insipid but these are as different from this ridiculous burlesque as is the demeanor about tully in the rostrum from the tricks of a jack putting on a mount a bank stage and for the truth of what i allege i appealed to the observation of any person who has considered the elegance of attitude and propriety of gesture as they are universally acknowledged in the real characters of life indeed i've known a gascon whose limbs were eloquent as his tongue he never mentioned the word sleep without reclining his head upon his hand when he had occasion to talk of a horse he always started up and tried it across the room except when he was so situated that he could not stir without in commoting the company and in that case he contended himself with neighing aloud if a dog happened to be the subject of his conversation he wagged his tail and grinned in a most significant manner and one day he expressed his desire of going backwards with such natural imitation of his purpose that everybody in the room firmly believed he'd actually overshot himself and fortified their nostrils accordingly yet no man ever looked upon this virtuoso to be the standard of propriety in point of speaking and deportment for my own part i confess the player in question would by dint of these qualifications make a very good figure in the character of pantaloons lackey in the entertainment of perseus and andromeda and perhaps might acquire some reputation by turning the revenge into a pantomime in which case i would advise him to come upon the stage provided with a handful of flour in order to be smear his face when he pronounces pale and aghast etc and he thinks he ought to illustrate the outer with the hideous his but let us now come to the other situation in which this modern esophagus is supposed to distinguish himself so much i mean that same eclairry small comprehended in no then to his eye his manner i own may be altered since i was present at the representation of that performance but certainly i am when i beheld him in that critical conjuncture his behavior appeared to me so uncouth that i really imagined he was visited by some epileptic distemper for he stood tottering and gasping for the space of two minutes like a man suddenly struck with a palsy and after various distortions and side shakings as if he got fleas in his doublet heaved up from his lungs the letter i like a huge anchor from foul ground this criticism was acceptable to the majority of the college who had no great veneration for the player in question and his admirer without making any reply asking a whisper of the gentleman who sat next to him if pickle had not offered some production to the state and met with a repulse in the chapter 94