 I'm hoping that that's zoomed off. Oh my camera's not on. It didn't lock my lens. Not my lens. Microphone, that's what I meant. It's recording. Yeah. To do it yourself. I hate you. Right. So I haven't sat down to film a video in a long time. Wow, it's been quite a while. Today is a bit of a different video. I can't pretend it's not. I've never put this out before on Lyon ever. You'll be loud. Basically I vlogged a PTSD episode the other night and I don't know why we do that because the stuff is triggering. It's a triggering state that I get into. And it's scary. I loved it and I'm going to share it with you because I feel like it'll out focus. Come back to me camera, thank you. So I feel like it's going to give you guys a bit of an insight into what I've been dealing with recently. This episode happened a few nights ago now and still meant to be getting over it. I'm not doing a very good job with that one. Now my emotional state of the moment is shit. I can't pretend it's not. But hey, we're looking at a moment of life. That makes sense? I don't know. My brains don't want to think. I don't want to go into the details as to why it's happened because I don't want to. It's too much reason to deal with it anyway. I'll probably, I'll cover it at a future date. Just as a heads up, this voyage will be triggering. So if you are triggered by crying, talk of self-harm, talk of suicide or just triggered by mental health in general, don't watch this video. You won't regret it. I'm going to put it on the screen what a PTSD episode is because I'm not sure. Why can I see a face on my wall? You know before in the river, how I kept finding faces? I've just found one on my door, on that room. I'm going to send you a picture on Facebook. Basically... Oh, my camera's out of focus. Hello camera. Welcome back to the living room. Why that kind of living room? It's not your camera that I have. I wish it was. This video is about my PTSD episode. It is upsetting. It is triggering and it is the normal reality in my life. I don't talk about PTSD very much on here. At all. I think I've mentioned that I've got the diagnosis, but I never really talk about how it affects my life or anything to do with it. I might start doing that. I don't know. Here it is. The footage, I guess. Yeah. I don't really film more for the year like this. It's actually my main channel. This is not something that I normally do, but I'm trying to make this channel more real and more me more vlog-style because that's why I want to do it. I want to show that it's okay not to be okay. It's okay to ask for help. It's okay to be you. Today's been a rough day. I've been so hungry for over a year. And I grow that tonight. That's simply because of how overwhelming things have been. I'm not saying it's the right thing to have done. I shouldn't have done that. I should have phoned someone. I spoke to someone. But it's what it is. We have to live how we are and do what we are and be who we are. I broke the one-year streak. Nothing major. I've sorted out myself to care. I cleaned it, everything. Today's been a really, really rough day. And I don't say I haven't self-honed in a long time. I think I'm 17. You know, I haven't been this busy for a long time. I haven't felt as bad as I feel now in a while. And gudging tail from my face. I've been crying a lot today. That's because of how much has happened to you today. I've had a lot going on. Just how it is really. That's what my life is. Thank you guys for watching this video. If you are new to my channel and you want to see more mental health related videos, hit the subscribe button on the end of this video. My totally not copyrighted music, but I put it at the end of the video. It's a good song. You should just do it. I'll leave it at the end of the video. The culture I've got is that I'm all fine too. No, I used less than 30 seconds of it. That's fine. The link to my second channel will also be at the end of the video on the card. And also I'm really linked to two videos as well because I totally don't use templates. In a sense. I owe you guys a lot. I'll see you guys in a minute. Peace.