 Item number, SCP-050, Object Class, Euclid, Special Containment Procedures. So far, all attempts to contain SCP-050 have proven fruitless. At present, whoever has possession of SCP-050 is to leave it in an office they use with regularity. Additional notes. Testing to contain SCP-050 has been discontinued at this time. Attempts to leave SCP-050 in unused offices have resulted in it following its owner home. This is a violation of regulations and not to be allowed. Description. SCP-050 appears to be a statue of a monkey reading a book, approximately one foot tall. On the bottom of the statue are engraved the words, to the cleverest, recursive script. One of the quirks of SCP-050 is that, no matter what form of measurement is used, any record of said measurements will quickly be replaced by the customary system measurements. The statue is so far proven resistant to all forms of damage. Attempts to damage SCP-050 have resulted in increasingly lethal, pranks. As of this writing, destruction testing is discontinued. As such, there is no accurate method to date the object. When left alone, SCP-050 has shown itself to be both useful and antagonistic to its current owner. Although never seen to move, no matter the manner or amount of recordings, any room it is left in becomes very clean to a polish whenever possible. Paperwork is filed, trash is emptied, and in general, clutter is removed. However, SCP-050 also has a tendency to leave traps for its owner, so current holders should carefully check their offices upon returning. Document 050. The Great Researcher Prank War. During an attempted capture of SCP-963 by Chaos Insurgency Agents, Dr. Breik made use of 963's intrinsic capabilities to make fools of the attempted kidnappers. When Breik returned to his office, he found a monkey statue waiting for him. His office had been tidied in his absence, and everything filed away, which came as something of a shock for the naturally messy Dr. Breik. Upon further investigation, it was found that, despite the apparent tidiness of his office, all of his pens had been drained of all but the last bit of ink, and several important documents had been translated into Aramaic. Dr. Breik immediately began the usual testing of this new SCP, but found himself going nowhere, until Dr. Wright's, as payback for something unspecified, smeared his desk with one half of a compound epoxy, and applied the other half of the compound to his utensils. At this point, SCP-050 vanished from Dr. Breik's office, reappearing in Dr. Wright's office, whereupon 050 began the cleanup again. After several tests, it became apparent that SCP-050 was easily contained, as long as no one outside the Foundation proved to be cleverer than the Foundation scientists. Of course, this led to many of the Foundation scientists seeking to claim the title of most clever for themselves, and thus began the Great Researcher-Prank War. Memorandum 050A, no good will come of this. 050 entry 1. Dr. English accesses SCP-705. 705 is allowed access to approximately 100 pounds of similarly colored Play-Doh. After several minutes' conversation, the new army retreats to the ventilation shafts. No footage of Dr. Breik's room exists, but several hours later, Dr. Breik stumbles out, covered in little red welts and red Play-Doh, swearing and muttering, as SCP-050 transfers ownership to Dr. English. Entry 2. Agent Strelnikov is seen exiting his room in full rage, carrying a machine gun. Smoke pours from the open door of his quarters. Senior Researcher Isendorf is later found to be in possession of 050, proving that a good enough prank will attract 050's attention, no matter the target. Entry 3. Dr. Isendorf returned from a brief coffee break to discover a typed note sitting on his desk, rewritten here. Dr. Isendorf, it seems there was a problem with the Class A amnesiac you requested following your SCP-231 assignment. Please hop on the next plane leaving from the site, and wait until someone comes and picks you up so that we can get this all sorted out. Cheers. 050. Despite factual and stylistic errors in this note, in appropriately informal style, the fact that there is no Overseer 3.14, Dr. Isendorf apparently took the note seriously and became highly distressed. Dr. Isendorf boarded the next airplane leaving Site-23, which turned out to be a regularly scheduled flight traveling to Site-19. Dr. Isendorf apparently did not realize this until landing, at which point he still waited over 8 hours outside the site before a guard found him and asked him what he was doing. Dr. Isendorf soon confirmed that he had never been assigned to SCP-231, and quickly worked out what had happened. SCP-050 was observed in the office of Dr. Condraki later that same day. Entry 4. At 7.28 pm, Dr. Condraki was called away by Assistant Researcher House, under the pretense of an SCP-173 containment breach. Security cameras recovered footage of the ensuing prank. Upon returning to his office, Condraki pauses briefly when he reaches his door. Moments later, he is seen backing slowly out of his office, keeping his eyes fixed on something inside. It was later revealed that Dr. Calde had placed a replica of SCP-173 in Condraki's office, positioned in such a way that it faced the door, establishing eye contact with whoever might enter the room. Condraki continued until slipping on a hitherto unnoticed puddle of cooking oil. The replica of SCP-173, made of wire frame, paper mache, and spray paint, was relocated to Dr. Joseph Calde's office, shortly followed by SCP-050. Entry 5. Upon returning to his office, Dr. Calde was surprised to find the statue replaced with a note, reading, I can't believe no one's thought of this. The statue was later located in the staff locker of Agent Yorick, who had simply stolen it. Entry 6. Statue returned to Calde, Yorick's living space in utter disarray. Agent Yorick is found unconscious, the words, to be earned, tattooed on his forehead through unknown means. Entry 7. Maintenance teams were called 27 times to Dr. Calde's office while he was out, all having received orders to install, repair, or remove a piece of furniture from the office, apparently at random. Dr. Calde became increasingly paranoid about these intrusions, considering his possession of SCP-050, and decided to bring his paperwork and the SCP back to his quarters and work from there. Upon entering his quarters, Dr. Calde was doused by the contents of a bucket, carefully balanced on the entrance's door jam. Ownership of SCP-050 changes to Dr. Light. Entry 8. Dr. Coleman was seen pinning a notice to the Breakroom Notice Board, which read, due to the effects of SCP-050, all personnel who have received an amnesiac of any kind within the past six months are required to report to Dr. Light immediately. This was signed and notarized by no fewer than 17 members of O5 Command and senior staff. After seeing this, an email was immediately sent out, retracting the information and causing mass panic among some of our more paranoid employees. After what can only be described as a bum rush on Dr. Light's newly refurbished office, resulting in the destruction of many items contained within, SCP-050 was found on Dr. Coleman's desk. Entry 9. Dr. Coleman was called out of his quarters by an email from an unknown source. Five minutes later, security footage showed Dr. Okagawa entering Schumacher's quarters, carrying a bag with unknown contents and leaving the room a few minutes later without the bag. Upon returning, Coleman discovered a dead rodent, which appeared to have been slathered in the secretions of SCP-447. Personnel in adjacent rooms reported hearing a stream of profanity, followed by a thud. Worried researchers found him passed out on the floor, while the slime was later identified as green gelatin from the kitchen and the dead rat as a rubber toy. SCP-050 was later found in Dr. Okagawa's office. Entry 10. Video log. 12.34 pm. Dr. Okagawa leaves for the cafeteria, presumably for lunch or late breakfast. Researcher Chappalsky is seen entering Dr. Okagawa's office, carrying several testing vials and SCP-1. Left the office five minutes later, closing the door behind him rather hurriedly. Okagawa returns ten minutes later, opens the door, and is snagged by a large tentacle which pulls him into the office and shuts the door behind him. A security team is dispatched to Okagawa's office and discovers him entangled by a giant squid. The team is seen trying to neutralize the cephalopod and free Okagawa. The animal's remains were subsequently destroyed. SCP-050 has been located in Researcher Chappalsky's office. Entry 11-1. Researcher Chappalsky came into work at approximately 0800 hours and promptly received a pie in the face. Courtesy of Project Director Jones. SCP-050 was found on Project Director Jones' desk later that afternoon. What? That wasn't original at all. Dr. Bright. Entry 11-2. Project Director Jones reported to his post researching SCP-1. Upon entering the facility, he was met by Researcher Chappalsky, who threw two pies at his face. SCP-050 was found in Researcher Chappalsky's office ten minutes later. Entry 11-3. Chappalsky entered his office to find Project Director Jones waiting for him with three pies, which he promptly threw at the researcher's face. SCP-050 appeared in Jones' workplace that evening. Guys, I think we broke it. Project Director Jones. Entry 11-4. In the middle of the work day, Dr. Bright entered Jones' research lab with four pies, which he threw in his face. As he was leaving, security footage records him saying, this better not f***ing work. SCP-050 was on Dr. Bright's desk upon his return. Notes. God damn it, Dr. Bright. Okay, no more f***ing pies, all right. Project Director Jones. Entry unintelligible. An error occurred in the Foundation main database. Reassigning system technician Kent to a squad alongside the cleaning crews. During the assignment, Joshua Kent was ordered to f***ing sewage with several gallons of feces on his head. During the second half of the assignment, Kent had to test several a***** despite the odor. During this time, a routine system sweep had found a virus in the database. Despite the numerous nearby systems that could have been infected, SCP-1337 was concerning system technician Kent's assignment. System technician Kent was returned to Site-23, largely unharmed. SCP-050 was discovered sitting by a hard drive, heavily infected with SCP-732, with a statue seeming to consider the virus its new owner. Entry 13 and 14. Data expunged. Entry 15. Dr. Light connected the SCP-732 infected hard drive to a scanner and asked 732 if it could produce lolcat images on request. Its response, presented in the form of an 8,000-word erotic story featuring itself in the form of a man named Lord Kick-Ass. Dr. Light and... was that with the help of SCP-050 it can do anything. Dr. Light provided SCP-732 with scanned photographs of SCP-577, SCP-529, SCP-607, then two instantiations of SCP-331. SCP-732 produced 10 lolcat images for each photograph. Dr. Light then provided SCP-732 with SCP-637 in the form of a drawing by SCP-637-2. As a result of this, SCP-732 is rapidly overwritten with an estimated 63 gigabytes of text, describing SCP-637's actions and appearance. Whether this information could have filled all available computer memory is unknown, as the last actions of the Lord Kick-Ass and Stantiation were to induce total mechanical failure to its hard drive, accompanied by catastrophic uncontrolled oxidation. SCP-050 was found in Dr. Light's office the next morning. Note, SCP-637-2 reports that SCP-637 was not harmed by its venture into SCP-732, but that its fur was really messed up. Note, other copies of SCP-732 seem unaffected by the suicide of Lord Kick-Ass. Lesson complete. If you missed the previous orientation, go watch SCP-049, Plague Doctor, right now. Or for the complete course, watch this playlist.