 The Craft Foods Company presents the Great Gildersleeve. Yeah. It's the Great Gildersleeve starring Harold Perry, brought to you by the Craft Foods Company, makers of a complete line of famous quality food products. Good morning, Bessie. A little late. Bring your book into my office, will you? I'm gonna dictate some... What's this? Roses? Mm-hmm. For me? Uh-huh. Who from? Read the note. It's tied on there. Uh, Mr. Gildersleeve, congratulations and best wishes on your fourth anniversary as water commissioner. From Bessie. Well, now that's very nice. I hope you like them. Like them? I should say I do. Bye, George. Is it really four years? Four years today. Four years. You know, Bessie, if anyone had told me four years ago that I was gonna be a water commissioner, I'd have said they were crazy. They would have been, too. How did you ever come to go into the water business, Mr. Gildersleeve? That's a fair question. Just fate, I guess, Bessie. Just fate. Fate. What a plumber. You know, if things had been different, Bessie, I might have been a singer. Or even possibly an actor. What's so funny? I've done acting in my time. Right here in Summerfield, too. Really? I can't imagine you, I mean... You can't imagine me what? I can't imagine you, well, kissing people. Yeah. There are other things to acting besides kissing, Bessie. This part called for a very little kissing, as a matter of fact. Unfortunately. It was something Marjorie got me into. My niece. She was mixed up with a little theater group here one year. A character named Bruce Fairfield was running it. I don't remember how I ever got sucked into it, but the first thing you know, they had me doing everything. Including playing the leading role. Why, Mr. Gillisly? You think I couldn't do it, do you? Well, that's what a lot of people thought. I'll never forget the time Mr. Peavey first got wind of it. Sit down, Bessie. You'll love this. Yes, sir? I'll never forget. I walked in there to Peavey's one morning and I had a talk with him. Good morning, Peavey. Good morning, Peavey. Good morning, good morning, good morning. What have you done, Mr. Gillisly? Got some posters. Just had them printed up. Gonna let you have one for your front window. Well, that's real nice. If I could get this darn string... There. I suppose you saw the story in this morning's papers. Story? No, I didn't. Well, it was on the front page. Well, I don't usually get to see the paper till evening. Mrs. Peavey likes to read the lost and crowned at breakfast. What was the story? That tells all about it on the poster here. There you are. The little theater in the dell presents Cyrano de Bergerar. Starring Srockmorton Peavey, Gillisly. That's right, Peavey. Well, I didn't know you had dramatic talent, Mr. Gillisly. I didn't know it myself for two days ago. Well, congratulations. Mrs. Peavey and I will have to try to get to that. Come on, come on, and bring your friends. Here, gonna leave you some tickets to Peavey in case you can sell any. No, I'll be glad to try. Leave you a dozen to start with. $10 and $65. Oh, you might have some tickets, Mr. Gillisly. You'll be able to sell a lot of those. Well, anything you can do will be appreciated, Peavey. No, it's the wrong since I've been to see a real live play. I used to go all the time as a younger man. You did? Every time Maxinelli came to town, I never missed. She was lovely, Mr. Gillisly. Lovely. Yes, I've heard she was. She was what you call a real beauty, Maxinelli. She was lovely. It must have been a long time ago, Peavey. 30 years at least. No, I wouldn't say that. Well, I guess it is, though. 30 years. Our time flies. She was lovely. You seem to have had quite a crush on her, Peavey. I would have married Maxinelli if she'd asked me. Of course, I was unmarried at the time, but I still think of her sometimes, even to this day. I think of Maxinelli and then I look at Mrs. Peavey and... Oh, well, we all have our points. Hello, Floyd. I guess you heard. Yeah, I read in the paper. Will it be a haircut? No, I'm on my way home. I just stopped in to leave you one of these posters. Oh, thanks. You don't think I need a haircut, do you, Floyd? Well, I got the judge coming in in a few minutes. Guess you'll keep a couple of days. Mustache looks a little ragged, though. You might just give it a little trim. Oh, sure. Climb up in the chair there. Well, we're having our first rehearsal this evening, Floyd. And so? So what kind of a play is this, sir, and all, Mr. Gillisleeve? It's a love story, Floyd. Greatest love story ever told on the stage. I guess those actors in those love scenes... I guess they do plenty of schmoozing now, Mr. Gillisleeve. I don't know what you're talking about, Floyd. Oh, yes, you do. Well, you still haven't told me what the play's about. Well, tell the truth, I haven't had time to read it yet, Floyd. Vince are busy with getting the tickets printed and getting the posters out and one thing and another. Oh, here's the judge. Sorry, I'm a bit late, Floyd. Well, Romeo... Oh, shut up. We arrived with you, Judge, just giving Mr. Gillisleeve's mustache a little trim. Trim it pretty, Floyd. Trim it pretty. He's a matinee idol now, you know. You'll go. Tell him to keep his remarks to himself, Floyd. Our friend seems to be getting a trifle temperamental these days, but I suppose you have to expect that of an actor. Huh. Oh, uh, who's this Bruce Fairfield, Gilder? He's the director. Ever heard of this play they're doing, Judge? Mr. Gillisleeve tells me you don't even know what the play's about. I didn't say that, Floyd. I said I... So you know why it's a classic. Every school child knows Cyrano. And for all my joshing, it's a play that is really very well suited to our friend here. That's more like it, Judge. I can see why Mr. Fairfield chose Gildersleeve for the part. Well, that's funny. I never would have thought of me as the type. The story, Floyd, is about a man so homely. In fact, so repulsive in appearance that no woman would ever look at him. Oh! Oh! Well, you mean like the Phantom of the Opera? Floyd, let me honor this chair. Yes, sir. Now, Gildy. Is that true what you just said? So help me, Gildy. That's the story of the play. Well, I'm going to do a little checking up. And if you're right... Yes. That Bruce Fairfield. Eve, have you got a minute? Well, certainly. Come in. I can't. That is, I can't stay. I've got to get down to rehearsal. We're having our first reading of the play tonight. But before I go down there, there's one thing I want to know. What's that? That Bruce Fairfield. Is he trying to make a monkey out of me? Why? Because if he is, I'll punch him right in the nose. Well, goodness, whatever gave you that impression, Throckmorton. Well, this play he got me into, Eve, this Cyrano. I hear where it's about a fellow who's so ugly that women won't even look at him. Well, not ugly, exactly. It's just that he has a big nose. Enormous, in fact. Eve, you think I have a big nose? Oh, no. But we'll change it to fit the part. You know, build it up with putty and make-up. Well, I don't know that I want to be going around with a big nose in front of a lot of people. Throckmorton, I'm afraid you haven't read the play. What do you mean I haven't read it? I read it right here with me, my only last night. Throckmorton? Well, I've been busy. Well, perhaps I should explain then that without Cyrano's grotesque nose, there'd be no play. His disfigurement is the whole cause of the tragedy. Tragedy? Yes. You mean I die in the end? Of course, at the end of the fifth act. Well, I don't know that I like that so much. But all the great actors die. Hamlet, Julius Caesar, Macbeth, they all die in the end. All right, I'll die then. No, it's a beautiful story, really. Cyrano is a soldier, one of the greatest swordsmen in France. Yeah. And he's also a poet and very romantic. He has a comrade named Christian, and both of them are in love with a beautiful girl named Roxanne. Hmm, Roxanne. But here's the sad part. While Cyrano is ugly, even grotesque-looking, Christian is very handsome. I think I'd rather play the part of Christian. But Christian is really a very empty-headed young man. I don't care, those fellas do all right. Now, Frank Morton, wait till you hear the rest of the story. Christian is so stupid that when he makes love to Roxanne from beneath her balcony at night, he can't think of anything to say. So he persuades Cyrano to hide in the bushes and make romantic speeches to her. And Cyrano does it? He even writes Christian's love letters for him. You think Christian is stupid? But don't you see? Cyrano is so aware of his own ugliness that he'd never dare to tell Roxanne of his love for her. The only way he can make love to her is through Christian, as it were. Oh, that is kind of tough. It's tragic. Because it's Cyrano's voice, Cyrano's words, Cyrano's passion that wins Roxanne for Christian. Well, doesn't she ever catch on to this fourth question? That's just the point. Before she has a chance to find out that he's not the man she thought he was, he's killed in battle, dies a hero's death. And for years, she goes on believing that Christian was the great love of her life. While Cyrano, she just treats as a kind and amusing friend. Well, gosh, that doesn't seem very fair. Oh, but then there's the most wonderful scene. Have you the script there? Yes, here. Thanks. There's the most wonderful scene where Cyrano is dying. He's been attacked by an assassin and he's dying. He's in a garden and he's alone with Roxanne. And here it is. Come, sit down here beside me, Throckmorton. And let's read it. Sure. You be Roxanne, huh? You see, it's late in the afternoon, almost dusk. And the light is fading. And all through the scene, the autumn leaves are falling. It's very sad. Roxanne takes out a love letter that she's been carrying next to her heart all these years. The letter that was written to her as Christian lay dying on the battlefield long ago. She doesn't know it, but it was Cyrano who wrote the letter. And Cyrano takes it from her and reads it now. Read, Throckmorton. Ah, oh, but you, Roxanne, I am dying. Dying tonight, my dear beloved. My heart is still full of love you've not heard. And I am dying. But how you read it, Cyrano? Never again will my eyes know the ecstasy of seeing you. I imagine those dear gestures that I love to watch. And I cry out to you. You're reading. I cry out at you. In a voice. My dear, my dearest, my treasure, my love. Why in a voice that I've heard before? My heart has never left you for a second. I am and always shall be, even in the other world, the one who loves you beyond all love. Cyrano, you cannot be reading now. The light is gone. And now for 14 years, you have been the good, kind friend coming to amuse me. Oh, Roxanne. Oh, ee-hee. Oh, but it's so sad. We're about gilded sleeve as Cyrano very soon. Mr. Lang, since we've been having this general shortage of spreads for bread, I've become an even bigger booster for Parquet margarine. Well, I'm certainly glad to hear that. Tell us more. You see, I've served Parquet for years, but during this shortage I've sometimes had to buy other brands. I never realized there could be so much difference in the flavor and quality of spreads. Now I know why our family likes Parquet the best. It's our favorite spread for rolls, breakfast toast, and waffles. And that's why Parquet continues to be the favorite of millions. It's always of such high quality and so fresh and country sweet and flavor. That's a reason too why Parquet is sometimes so hard to find in the food stores these days. You must mean because it's so popular. Yes, even though Kraft continues to make all the Parquet margarine possible under present conditions, there still isn't nearly enough to meet the big demand. Each dealer, however, is getting his fair share of all the Parquet we're making. So keep asking for it by name. P-A-R-K-A-Y, Parquet margarine by the Kraft Foods Company. Well, Bessie, there may have been better productions of Cyrano, although I never saw one. There never was one that had so many directors. What does a director do, Mr. Gilderslee? Director? He just sits around and bosses everybody. Doesn't do anything, actually. Oh, just like in the movies. Exactly, yeah. But my trouble was I had so many amateur directors. Everybody around the house was telling me how to read my lines, including Birdie. Marjorie was busy rehearsing a play for the following week, but she wasn't too busy to put her two cents worth in. Start here on page 12, Unky. Ah, I-I remember. I doffed my chapeau with an air. My mantle, I tossed to a lackey. I draw my bright sword from its sheath. Uh... I draw my bright sword from its sheath. Darn it. Start over again. I doff my chapeau with an air. What you doing? I'll rehearse it. Yes, Leroy, and I'll thank you not to interrupt my concentration. Okay. I can listen, can't I? If you'll be quiet. Oh, sure. I doff my chapeau with an air. Would you mind telling me what the story's about? Oh, for heaven's sake, Leroy, I've told you a thousand times it's about a man named Cyrano. In this scene, he's fighting a duel. I'll be quiet. Okay. Are you going to do the fighting on the stage? Certainly. Mr. Fairfield showed me all about fencing. Bruce is a beautiful fencer. Yeah, one more lesson, and I'll be able to cut his head off. Uh, oh, well, let's follow insulted Cyrano. How? He, um, makes fun of Cyrano's nose. That's very funny. It's not very funny. Nothing funny about him. It's psychological. Cyrano thinks he has a big nose. He's very sensitive about it. I don't get it. Why does Cyrano think he has a big nose? Because, uh, well, because he has. Leroy, I can't possibly learn this part if you're talking all the time. Why don't you go out and play? Nobody to play with. We'll call up Piggy and ask him to play with you. He has a cold. His mother won't let him out. Then call up somebody else, only for heaven's sake and leave me alone. I'll call Piggy. All right. Now, let's see. Hmm. I doff my chipotle with an air. My mantle, I toss to a lackey. I draw my bright sword from its sheath. Hello, Piggy. This is Leroy. Hello, Piggy. Hi, George. I might as well try to rehearse in a boiler factory. Can you come over, Pig? Gosh, Uncle Mort, I might as well be rehearsing my play. Oh, Marjorie, tonight's my dress rehearsal and your play doesn't go on until next week. We can help. None of that, Leroy. Now, I've got some difficult scenes, too, but nobody helps me. Let's do Cyrano, Marjorie. Did you hear Uncle Mort's going to be in a show, Pig? Hey, Leroy. All right, do your old play. I'm going to rehearse mine. Fleetwood, there's something I must know. I've got to know, and I simply can't. Dinner? Yes, Birdie. I want to have it somewhere far, far away. Oh, you mean you're going out? No, I'm just speaking figuratively. I don't know what the story's about exactly. Maddie. What? We'll make the conversation. Good on that. We'll have no chance. I doth my... Oh, you only knew how I'd lain awake. I doth my shiphold with an air, my mantle I tossed to a lackey. I draw my bright sword from its sheath. I think my uncle is wacky. Leroy. How do we get this set right? Mr. Gilles, leave. Good evening, Bruce. Hello, kitten. Hello, everybody. For the dress rehearsal. I got my lines perfect now. Let's have some light here, shall we? Larry. Lights. Would you mind moving that chair back a little, please? Thank you. Mr. Gilles, leave. Say, isn't this setting a little modern for Cyrano, Mr. Fairfield? I thought that's in my department, of course. I wanted to talk to you about that old man. We're not going to be able to do Cyrano. We're not going to be able... What did you say, Fairfield? We can't do it. You see... Well, this is a fine time to tell everybody the night before it's supposed to go on. I'm sorry, old man. It's just... Everybody in town expects me to appear tomorrow night. We've sold all these tickets. They're posters all over advertising me. That was your idea. If you hadn't rushed out and had them printed up... Listen, why can't we put on Cyrano? Why? Give me one good reason. Well, I don't feel that it's ready yet. What do you mean it's not ready? I know every line of the play. I've worked hard. I say it's simply not ready for production. I have my professional reputation to think of, you know. What about mine? I've been rehearsing for two weeks. I've told all my friends. And now, by George, I'm going to do it. Listen, you fat idiot. If you think I ever, for one moment, intended to sully my professional reputation by allowing you to appear on any stage whatsoever under my direction... So that's it. You've been just using me. Well, let me remind you, Fairfield, that I'm chairman of the finance committee for this theater. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it. Not a word of it. Forgive me. My nerves, you know. All these rehearsals, the strain. I could bite my tongue out. Well, go ahead. Mr. Gildersleeve, if you'll only listen to me for a moment... No. Marjorie. Yeah? Come here a moment, kitten. Ask your uncle to listen to me. I don't understand, Uncle Mord. What's going on? Well, this reason... I'm merely suggesting that we defer, Sirano, until our second production. Huh? That's it. Sirano will be our second production. Now, what I propose to do with your uncle's permission, of course, is to put on delicate adventure tomorrow night. My play! We've been rehearsing it for a month. It's in much better shape than Sirano. What do you say, Mr. Gildersleeve? You knew you were going to do this all the time. Yeah, well, let me put it this way. It's a chance for Marjorie. She plays the lead. You don't want to stand in the way of an opportunity for her, now do you? Well, of course not, only... I'll tell you what. We'll find something for you to do in tomorrow's production. Or it will have to be something you can learn quickly, of course. Will you do it? Well, for Marjorie. Oh, Uncle Mortu, you're a lamb. Yes, you're a lamb. I am not. And don't you mind if your part is small? I know you'll be great. Here we are, Leela. G, 10 and 12. Oh, my. These are lovely sea towers. Well, we don't want to miss any of Gildersleeve's artistry. Oh, Horace, huh? Here's a program. Can't tell hams without a program. Oh! And the Dale presents delicate adventures starring Bruce. Hey, we've been swindled. Floyd, did you see this? Well, I'll be done. Hey, look, Peeb, there's nothing about Gildersleeve. No Gildersleeve? No. Well, what's happened, Le Roy? I thought your uncle was the big attraction tonight. Well, they switched at the last minute, but I'm just going to be in it. Oh, my goodness. How do I look, Marjorie? Just fine, Uncle Mort. How do I look? Just like an actress. I wouldn't know you. Isn't it wonderful? Isn't it fun? It's horrible. Marjorie, don't go away. Why not? What's the matter? I'm nervous. I'm nervous as a bride. Oh, Uncle Mort, you can't be. I am. I'm not going to be able to remember a thing I've got to say. I just know it. Oh, you've got to. Hey, look. They're dimming the house lights. They're ready for you. Marjorie, I can't. Ready for the curtain. All right, Mr. Gildersleeve. No. We all right when you get out there? Well, here I go. Good. Because of a local fire ordinance, I've been asked to request there be no smoking in the theater. I thank you. You're a slave. You'll have to go out and quiet. You're friends, evidently. Well, I'll do what I can for a few. We want Gildersleeve. You just asked me to make a small announcement. You tell her, Mr. Gildersleeve. Hi, Floyd. Hi. Owing to circumstances beyond our control, ladies and gentlemen, we were unable to present Cyrano to Bergerac tonight owing to circumstances beyond our control. I said that. Instead, we were forced at the last minute to substitute a very fine little production called Delicate Something or Other. But we're going to give you Cyrano next time, ladies and gentlemen. Cyrano will positively be our second production. Give us a sample of it, Gildersleeve. Yeah, give us a sample. A sample? Well, I don't know that I could do that. Oh, come on. But I'll tell you what I will do. I'll sing you a song. Conductor. You know, in the key of C. Fine. Well, do the best you can with it. This is the kind of song Cyrano might have sung to a lady if he didn't sing through his nose. Seems I kiss your hand, madame. Your dainty fingertip. And violent slumberland, madame. I'm begging things I do. And I hold you tight, madame. Vanish with a knight, madame. I kiss your hand, madame. Mr. Fairfield, our director, something to say to me. Yes? You are a trouble ham. Get off the stage so we can get on with the play. You sent me out here and I'll go chase yourself. Gildersleeve, if you think I'm going to let you play Cyrano after this performance. Listen, either I play Cyrano next week or I'll sing Chloe right now. Beast! Ladies and gentlemen, let me remind you, next week, Brock Morton, Gildersleeve in Cyrano de Bergerac. It will return in just a minute. Right now, during this time, when all spreads for bread or scarce, a name that's especially welcome in food stores from coast to coast is Parquet. Delicious, flavor-fresh Parquet margarine. Whenever your food dealer can supply you, you'll find that Parquet is the same fine quality as always. Country sweetened flavor, rich in food energy, and with 15,000 units of important vitamin A in every pound. The Kraft Foods Company is maintaining the high quality that has made Parquet a favorite of millions, and we're continuing to produce all the Parquet we possibly can. Our only regret is that there's not more available at present to meet every family's complete needs. So please be patient when supplies are temporarily short. And remember to keep asking for that good name in quality spreads, P-A-R-K-A-Y Parquet margarine, made by Kraft. Then the Great Gilder Sleeve has an adventure which you folks seem to enjoy so much that you tell us we'd like to hear it again. So we're devoting these last weeks of our season to recalling some of the great man's early escapades. That's right. We'll have another one next week, so be sure to listen in. Good night, folks. Now, a wonderful help and menu planning. It's Pabstep, the delicious cheddar cheese food that's so nourishing, so easy to digest, so easy to serve in 100 appetizing ways. 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