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Garfunkel and Oates - The Loophole @ Musikfest Café, Bethlehem, PA 10/06/12

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Published on Oct 6, 2012

Garfunkel and Oates performing "The Loophole" at Musikfest Café, Bethlehem, PA 10/06/12

Please note: This video was only taken as a memento on a digital camera. It is not the greatest quality and it is not meant to be.

Lyrics sent by PoliticlesMe:
All my life I've been good.
Do what my mom and dad and god say I should.
Go to church and bible school to live by god's rule.
So whatever people tell me
That the bible tells me, I will do.

Walk the halls at my school with my purity ring.
Unlike those other girls, I got my morals intact.
It was easy to do 'til I got a boyfriend
And pardon my French, but he's cute as heck
And I made a pact to keep my hymen intact and Jesus and I are tight.

Never learned about the birds and bees.
I was taught to keep an aspirin in between my knees
Because the bible says premarital sex is wrong,
But Jason says that guys can't wait that long.
I don't want to lose him to someone who will do him.
I need to figure something out.

Well there's a loophole in the scripture that works really well
So I can get him off without going to hell.
It's my Hail Mary full of grace.
In Jesus's name, we go to fifth base.

Oh thank you for making me holy.
And thank you for giving me holes to choose from
And since I'm not a godless whore,
He'll have to come in the back door.

Therefore, fuck me in the ass because I love Jesus.
The Good Lord would want it that way.
That sweet sensation of a rock-hard rationalization.
It's just between you and me.
Because everyone knows it's the sex that God can't see.

It's hard to be as pure as me- to resist the urge to lose my vaginal virginity
I'll wait until my marriage bed to give my husband my un-salty maiden head
So take out your cock, shove it in my ass, fuck me until you come.
Oops. I mean let's join our souls and unite our bodies and fly on the wings of love.

Whatever you do, don't touch my clitoris. If you ring Satan's doorbell, God can't ignore this.
And no prophylactics when you put it in
Because birth control's for sluts and it's a sin.
I've emptied my bowels and laid out the towels and I'm ready for romance.
Now I'm praying to the power that's the highest
But of all my holes, this one's the driest.

And we can't procreate if we anally copulate and God's okay with sodomy, but only if you're straight.
And I'm staying here no matter what so I'm okay with everything but...everything but...everything butt.

Woah. Fuck me in the ass because I love Jesus.
The Good Lord would want it that way.
That sweet sensation of a rock-hard rationalization.
It's just between you and me.
Because everyone knows it's the sex that God can't see.

I do whatever the Bible tells me to...
Except for the parts that I choose to ignore because they're unrealistic and inconvenient, but the rest I live by for sure.
So let's not talk about how the good book banned shellfish, polyester, and divorce and how we condone slavery and killing gays because those parts don't count of course.
Let's cherrypick the part about losing my cherry and the many ambiguities to circumvent any real sacrifice and still feel prized in my arbitrary and varied imposition.
And don't you dare question my convictions.
And don't look closely at the contradictions.
Just focus on the sacrificial crucifixion.
And have faith in his complete jurisdiction.
As the only way to measure if you're good or not.
And if you didn't have faith, just say you have faith.
Because up against logic it's the only card you've got.
So close your eyes.
Take a deep breath.

And... fuck me in the ass because I love Jesus.
The Good Lord would want it that way.
That sweet sensation of a rock-hard rationalization.
It's just between you and me.
Because everyone knows it's the sex that God can't see.

Yeah my chastity belt has locks,
So sometimes you need to think outside the box

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