 Tore his asshole halfway up his back. Do you understand what I'm saying? Yeah. So, so the, the hole itself, which is maybe 20 cents, maybe like that was, was torn so savagely that it, the crack went tore his skin. You could see his back. You could see his back. Do you understand? Yeah. You get it? Yeah, I get that. He's the one we're live, man. Welcome to the Matthew. Ever since the mic. You've changed since you had your prostate examined. Halsam is forcing its employees to have their prostate checked. Maybe. Keep that. Maybe we can keep that in. I got the, we can keep that one in. So yeah, it don't go work at Halsam if you don't want your point of finger and index finger. Have you ever had a prostate check? No. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. No, of course not. Oh, I don't know what you taught. It was weird. It was real weird. Was it a dude, not a G? No, it was definitely a man. Yeah. And like, did it look like? Yeah, yeah. But like, it's just, it's not, it's not a no, very invasive. I felt assaulted. Did you like feel like you might? What are you talking about? Huh? No, no, it wasn't. It wasn't sexually. No, it did nothing. Really? No. What about if you close your eyes? The opposite. Close your eyes. Yeah, so I still will see. I didn't get it. I didn't get the whole ass shit. I didn't get it. OK. And that proved it. I had a strange man. You actually did. Really? Yeah. Oh my God, I didn't know that. Not my prostate. It was something to do with my bowels. Oh, when you were shit and tired. Maybe. I remember that. There's been a lot of fingers. But that's just one that I remember. Yeah, OK. But no, of course, I've never had that. Also, fucking hell, like it's been wild, bitch. Shit, we've got a video out. Holy shit, we've got the biggest video anyone's ever seen. Like fucking I fucking dog this. Can't I fucking told you? I said, watch out. Next Monday is going to be a big video. And my God, it's big. It's not that good. It's not that good. It's going good. But it's like, but you think you'd think it'd be more because it's thousands of people drive past these billboards, you'd think it'd be more. But really, it's like I should cut it for you. More occasion. Mark. So it's sort of, yeah, like that and cut. If you are watching this because you've seen the billboards, by the way, this is it. This is what we do. We just it's it's weird shit. And like, yeah, I'm going to piss. We've either made a lot of new viewers or we've lost a few. All right, Matt has gone and done. And on this day, he's he used to study journalism. So he knows how to research particular historical events. And he's it's his his ability to find out really weird information. He's uncanny. I've never seen anything like it. And Matt comes in. He already knows this stuff. He doesn't even have to research it. He just writes it down and says, here, this happened on this day, however many years ago. Fuck, I'm pissing on the floor. So it's like it's it's like it's quite incredible. And it makes me sick as well. Because no one should have that much knowledge about such stupid shit in the fucking wholesome heads. It's fucked. Have you filled it? No, no, I've been pissing on the floor. Be gone. All right. On this day. All right. So these are from Matt. OK, so on this day in 1949, a shelter collapsed in Ireland, killing a large group of teenagers. Really? Yeah. That happened. I've seen on this day that. OK, all right. That's that's pretty sick to remind people of Matt, but it's good on this day in my car, there is a star. Wash my mouth. How bizarre. And that's actually a poem from Matt. And he's slid it in here because he. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Matt. Matt, he's he's he's hobby rights poetry. He hobby rights it. Does he really? Yes. Yeah. Oh, he's never shown you. If you did, dude, I'll give you mine. And so Matt's gone and done this. What? What is it like a? Oh, that's fucked. OK. All right, Matt, there's your poem. All right. There you go, guys, a bit of poetry. Matthew Brown, my teacher used to put bra in there. It would have rhymed well. My teacher used to say a poem about me at school when I was in primary school. She would every time I walked in, she would say, Matthew Brown went to town with his bridges upside down. That bitch. Well, that's sort of that's rude, right? It was like she's paying out your brain. It was punishing. Yeah. Fuck. You can see why you got into poetry. How old were you to get back at her? I think I was whatever you are in year five. May 15 year four or five. I was 15 year. Uruguay. We grew up in Uruguay. What? What? What was her name? Let's fucking talk about it. Mrs. Oh, my God. Her name was Miss. I think it was Mrs. Mott, who's actually a lovely lady. Mott. M-O-T. Yeah. Her son was a bull's cricket player, actually. All right. This is the last on this day. On this day in 1940, John Travolta crawled out of a slit in the Earth's crust and lived in long grass for the first six years of his existence. Wow. I don't know how you found that out. But that is it's it's sort of like it makes sense. With the Scientology, it links up. That's how they were all born. A slit in the Earth's crust. Oh, bravo. Cheers to that one. That's great. Long grass. Oh, my God. All right, that is the end of on this day. The next segment has been renamed to Turn the Volume Up. Stop. Oh, my God. And basically in this segment, we just answer questions that have been sent to us by you guys. And also, you might notice that Michael's bit disgruntled in the background is because Matt told me today that I can turn his headset volume up. Is that how you did it? No, in front of me. So you guys just witnessed a classic. Marty and Michael Prank, Marty, Michael Prank. All right. So where are the questions? Cliff. OK, this is from Lyft. And he has said, why does Bosley look like he actually has a mind of his own? This is my you can tell you. Look, I'm not answering that. You said before that he just go defense mode on the Bosley question because I mentioned as a question about his dog. He's saying Marty tells me very, very frequently that Bosley is either half he's half human and ape. So he's in between that, which is us. He doesn't refer to him as a dog. He treats him better than anyone. Bosley is Marty. But look, if Marty could swap bodies with Bosley, he would look kind of. It's fucked. He doesn't. Bosley gets full. Bosley, Bosley, Bosley. I don't know why you. Bosley, Bosley is a normal dog. OK, he's just a normal dog. He lives a normal life and like we just we like the relationship is between an owner and a normal dog. It's a relationship similar to that. Look, yeah, like, yeah, you know, when we used to share a room, we had to close the door because Bosley needed every night. Everything has to be open so Bosley can come in and out as the. It's just the rules. Even today, he's drinking water, the air cons on. We leave the air con on for him. Water comes inside. He slips at his fucking bucket of water, gets water everywhere. And it's just that's Bosley. It's not a dog to you. None of that is he is true. But but if it were true, the reason would be like it would be because he speaks, speaks to his owner. Oh, he talks. He'll know exactly what Bosley is feeling. And it's it's fucked. He can like they're like telepathic telekinesis. That's what I imagine would only result in that sort of behavior, which is not what I do. Bosley is just a treat as a normal dog. Just so happens, he's around a lot when we're filming. OK, it's fine medic. He made him the medic. Yeah, it's because he knows you trust him with everything. He's a normal dog. If you could make him he'd be a fucking banker. It's the reason why you could put a billboard on your toes. Dry dry after you ripped them. Yeah, yeah, he is a good healer. I think it was Matt Brown's birth down the weekend and everyone sent him dicks continue that continue. It's it's really nice. So please keep that going. Thank you. This is from Matt underscore. Busser five. Would this be a business you'd partaken? Since you two are already the life of the party, you offer a service where you go party with your fans. The cost of this service would cover all of your trip expenses. Plus, however much you need for profits. I do this free, like often just with people in the right place, the right time to go out to lunch with some friends and Michael will stay and do bags with fans until the next morning. Don't agree. So this already happens and they don't give him any money. He gives them money from our business account and says, go, go, no, there's been bushfires and shit, man. It's giving back. So Michael will get lots and lots of money out of the ATMs and just give to us and tell them to go. Yeah, bags of like the sandbags were flooding. Yeah, to buy sandbags for flooding. That is a good idea. Yeah, it's not bad. Like how much would you reckon we'd charge if we did it five years ago? We would have charged a hundred thousand dollars. Bentley with double Y one. Has Bosley ever gone into a fight with another dog? Not a fight fight, but there's been Bosley knows that there is a zero fight tolerance in our pack. And but there has been, you know, raising him up. He's he's a big dog. He he was sometimes at dog parks. There are fucking scum fuckwits. Yeah, God, train your dogs, train your dogs, train your dogs, who don't train their dogs, have no control over their behavior at fucking dog parks. No, you may as well not even fucking be there. You may as well have just unleashed a killer wolf and fucked off to coals because that's what happens, dude. Yeah. So sometimes there were a dog would bite Bosley first and and I could and when he was younger, he would react and he would get I could see he would he's his jowls would go up and he'd be bearing his teeth and he'd go after the dogs had just bit him. But usually when another dog goes for Bosley, you can usually see it before it happens. I'd start yelling and screaming. So when Bosley turned around to defend himself, Bosley thought he was getting into trouble for defending himself. And and to these days, sometimes I just wish I let him go. I should have just not fucking said anything and let him grab those little fucking nippy bitch dogs by the back of the fucking neck. They grab, shake them, shake them to death, snapping their necks and ripping their flesh from their muscles and tossing them aside for their dumb fucking owners to come across when they're picking up their shit. Bravo. That was fucking good. Because, yeah, it's fucking annoying seeing someone own a dog and the dog is just like a shit kid. Fair enough. If you it happens, sometimes you get a shit dog. Don't take it to a dog park. Leave it at home or walk it on a leash. Yeah, I think he hates it. And I see it every day because I go for walks with him. Can you tell the story of the little girl at the dog park and Bosley? It was I wasn't even here for this. This was a story from a roommate. Bosley was about a year old. We just we just changed her dress and moved into this house with. You know, some other people that ended up becoming very close friends. But one of the people that I lived with, Pepper, she went to the dog park with Bosley when he was only a year old and fucking fucked in the head. And there was a little girl there with pigtails and Bosley used to just hate humans, loved dogs, but just would hate humans. And I never knew that she was running along. Pigtails were bouncing around and apparently Bosley ran up behind her and grabbed one of the pigtails and pushed her over. Have you always lived in Brisbane? No, I was like 13. You were 15, 16. Yeah, 15, 16. What's the closest you've ever been to death? Fuck, there's been like five times for many. But yeah, the the Stormwater story, which go to I think our first ever podcast is where that story comes out. And then for you, well, I guess I remember our nights together when we lost control. There was some there was some OD moments, maybe. And yeah, I don't know. It's hard to depends on how. Yeah, it's hard to say I nearly died then because you don't really know. Yeah, you don't know how close you were. Like that, you know, when we're overseas, sometimes we. You were so close in Prague and Prague, you were going to jump over onto ice water like this, but we did jump. I remember we jumped into the water. You were over the railing on the ice. He's trying to walk across these ice caps at this lake. So you just saw a river, the main river and the ice. If you got broke the ice and got sucked under the rivers going, you're dead. It's this automatic. I had to convince you to come back. I remember we all like, no, I'm going to do it. I remember we all got in the water. I remember being super cold and running back to the to our hostel. But yeah, so you just don't know. I could have been centimeters from death. I stopped you. I stopped you from going further. Dude, seriously, you were so keen. I mean, and then we went back and I licked a dead crow. Yeah, that's what enticed you to come back. Fuck, that was so licking. It's my like, it's my Achilles heel. And the last question is from Coxie Norma 69. Coxie Norma, that's good. Would you ever start vlogging? Yes, we spoke about this. Yes, it will come about eventually. We just need more time and we need we need like staff. Yeah, like we just we got look. All right, listen, I'm going to let you guys in a little secret here. All right. Listen up real close and real tight. So push your ear right to the microphone steps. Right, we get out of video a week for Facebook, YouTube and Instagram, where one of the only influencers who do that at the moment every single week. We for how long? Like two years over a week. We've gotten a video out. We get we need two videos a week for our website. So we should have an extended cut in an hour. So I don't make website exclusive content. Www.universityofmarcl.com, I'm a registry of it's nearly five hours of content that no one has seen before, unless you don't know. And that the podcast, right? This is it's not this is like we film for it. It takes a while to set up to film, to edit, to send off. So it's sort of it gets like and it's relentless. We have to keep doing it. So vlogging will happen, but when we need to free up a chunk of our life first. Next question, even though I said last question on that one. To Lan Ha 2004, what is your favorite football team? I think it's the best team in the world. I think it's the best team in the world. I think it's the best team in the world. 2004, what is your favorite football team? And what is Michael's favorite football player? Great question. Very relevant question. Great question. Well, it depends on what football. Well, Lee, it can't be a Darren Lockyer boy. If so, we got NRL, AFL, there's Rubby Union and then what? There's like English soccer, like fucking there's a Ruby Union. NFL Ruby Union. Which one? I choose English football because it's like it makes no sense. English football when they soccer soccer soccer. I guess Americans will get that one. But NRL, it doesn't matter who wins. Rugby League doesn't matter who wins. AFL doesn't matter who wins. Soccer I might get on board with. It's just at least I can watch it for me. That's what I would go. Next segment has been renamed to like coming in through the back door. And this is a segment where we just open P.O. Box shit. It's called the P.O. One box shit, can't fuck it up. Yeah. And people sent in letters and cylinders, cylinders full of probably time for a wee petrified shit. And we open them alive on air. Rove listens, Rove, McManus, give me a job. Rove, McManus. Don't stop. Oh, my hands. Everyone's having fun. I'm shaking Michael's dick as he tries to piss in a small slim bottle. I need a bucket. What's he got scared to shit from that? Oh, my God. Oh, we have a letter. We have a letter. It says, Dear Marty and Michael. Guys, I'm a really big fan of your videos. Keep doing what you're doing. Also, give Michael a haircut sincerely from Mark. Oh, well, Mark's mentioned that maybe I should give you a haircut. I swear that happened. Don't. Oh, no. I had a cut yet. Put that down on it, dude, because it's just going to get worse. He's like, his waist spilling is being sick. All right, we have another letter here. It might not be a letter, but we'll have a look. Oh, shit. I'm always a bit hesitant after that person sent us. That's what I worry about. Oh, dude, I can't even get it in the bottle now. All right, so we have a letter and some pictures from this person. And we know this guy. We've met him at a inflatable factory. Kissing on the towel because it's too hard. You're scaring me, dude. You fucking give me fear and now I can't piss in the bottle. A towel has become a urinal for Michael. All right, so we know this guy, his name is Bryce, I think. Yeah, he's given his Instagram. We'll give him a little cheeky, a little plucky. Aussie underscore carts, ninety nine. And we've met him. It's Bryce, remember? I remember, yeah, from inflatable factory. He's a lovely man. And he is, I think, I think the first person to get this tattooed on him. Look, oh, dude, you know, you've made it when fucking rad dude has a tattooed. Your name is on his neck. So he's neck. No. All right. Yeah, Bryce, that's like his fucks. But I dig that shit. I dig that shit hard, bitch. And he's also sending a blessing. He's sending a picture of a ball. I don't fuck balls, but I fuck wet balls around balls, man. I fuck this shit around the balls. Can't so fucking, this still gets me off. That sex with the partners. He's written a letter. Let me read this. What I'm up to now. It's covered in piss. It's not even so wet. It's so wet. I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. I never get to hear that. OK, this is a letter from. Matt! I flicked it out of him. I flicked the weed on him. Hi, guys, it's me again. Ozzy underscore cards, 99. How are you? I'm good. Just got back from South Stradbroke Island. It was fun. How was Christmas? I got drunk on Christmas Day and Boxing Day. I went on a five day bend and it was epic, which you guys were there. And I can't wait for Marty and Michael for 2020. I've got some video ideas for you. Both have used one I'll send them to use. And I've got a picture of a cow for Marty to hang on a wall. And I can't. I can't to see you again and catch up. Always remember, we are the best hashtag. We are the best when you can prank and call me and he's got his number. Fucking Bryce, mate, you buddy. No, mate, you fucking know, send those ideas through those ideas through. You know, we're always anyone listening. Send us ideas on Instagram, Facebook. We can't we don't we choose not to think anymore. We just always just pick ideas. So we don't do any original shit anymore. We just pick ideas that have already been done and say, oh, yeah, let's do that tonight. I've lost the feeling of touch. Yeah, he's the tips of his fingers are dead. He can't feel anything because he's got nerve damage. Hard to. Too much MDMA use. Hey, he's fine. Like I haven't told him this. I googled it. It's not good. Like it's the beginnings of like only people with like really severe diabetes get this sort of a symptom already before that too. But also diabetes. So whatever the case of serious diseases, you spoke to me about that before. Worming through his system and just that he can't feel his fingertips. Come on, that's diabetes. You don't have to be fat to get it. That's correct. Fuck you. I don't put little fucking black omens on you. Do you want me to start black magic again? Michael, we've talked about this. If you start that again, I'm leaving and I'm changing my name. Those are your two options. All right, I'm not I'm not sitting there listening to you curse people again. Michael used to be a witch. All right, I'm not going to say any more. You can sell it to the Daily Mail, whatever you want to do. Michael's a witch. That's it. Move on. This is a cylinder sent in by Sheme Pa. That's a lie. That's a lie. So you go to this side. Watch this. He wanted this. He wanted this. Dude, if that was corona or anthrax, we'd be fucked. It might be. God damn it. Now I have to. I don't even have a vacuum. I don't own a vacuum. This could be what corona looks like. It was meant to go like this up. He didn't account for the fact that we are dumb as fuck. And then I tried to open it from this end and then Michael realized to pull it away. You're a judge's a new steak. Steak. That's the thing. Yeah, a problem, a problem, which is also the name of the next segment. Well, we prank call some people that you have sent in. All right, here we have our first prank call. This is was sent in by someone via Instagram and keep this shit coming. This is how detailed the DM should be when you send in a prank idea. Make them like this. Yeah. He sent the number. Then he said, my good mate will full name. I'm not I'm not going to say it now, but he's given his full name. Had a debt that he owed to Centrelink like five years ago. I reckon I'm pretty sure he's just got done paying it last year. I was thinking you could call him and say that it hasn't been paid in full. And then slap the cunt with a ridiculous late fee. So he's given me a very good scenario. I'm a Centrelink worker. That's what I am. I do that. I do that when we're not filming. You didn't know that. You didn't know that I do it for like to extra income so I can pay for billboards. Hello, may I please speak to a Willem McConnell? Oh, great. Mate, I'm Troy Mandy and I'm from the Australian Taxation Office. I just just wondering if you have a pardon from the Australian Taxation Office. OK, I was just wondering if you have a spare 10 minutes just to discuss an account that we have open at the moment about you. How much later are we talking here? Well, just just that our records show that you've been dodging our calls for a couple of months. OK, great. Thank you. So I understand that you were receiving payments from Centrelink a little while ago. Can you elaborate on that at all? Yeah, I was basically the ATO has done a little bit of a little bit of an audit of Centrelink and there are multiple accounts that pop up during this time and yours was one of them that and then we look into it and we and it's you know, highly scrutinized and basically we've seen that that you still owe another six thousand five hundred and fourteen dollars. No way. OK. Yeah. So, you know, obviously, it's always a bit of a shock to people. You know, I'm not, you know, I'm not here to pull the the wool of your eyes, but we can lock you into a bit of a long term payment plan where you will barely notice it. You know, I'm talking about, you know, a thousand dollars, you know, every two weeks, so five hundred bucks a week for the next what, three months and it's, you know, and and and you're all clean. But, you know, you do have options legally. I have to tell you that if you refuse this, that we will sell your debt to a debt collector. And, you know, I'm not I'm not sure if you've experienced any debt collectors, but some of the some of the debt collectors are quite annoying. And, you know, they'll send people to your house. They'll they'll leave, you know, leave distilled pictures in your mailbox, all sorts of weird stuff. But, you know, I know what it's like, man, but I feel as though this is my job every day. Yeah. Yeah. Of course, I'm suspicious. Totally understand. Totally understand. So how do you usually receive information from my gov and from the government in general? Is it via is it via email? Is it via letters? Is it via text message? Because basically once you've once you've signed up for Newstart, you're all of your information is is is logged. And and basically we we can choose a few different way. You choose primarily how you would like to be contacted and then we go through, you know, your primary method of contact down to the secondary and now we're calling you. So I'm certain that you would have received emails and letters to address. OK. And it's only now. It's only now that it's the third step down that someone needs to call. Well, there you go. Numbers and stuff like that. Definitely what happened. Yeah, that does make sense. Definitely. Is there a possibility that you can call me back at a certain time? Yeah, look, look, Will, Will, I'm going to level with you, mate. So the ATO has certain permissions, I guess. And basically we have your bank account and everything on file because of your Centrelink payments. We can see how much money is going in. We can see how much is going out. So, you know, we can reschedule a call, etc., etc. And you can come come into Centrelink. But at the end of the day, money will start to be pulled from your account straight to Centrelink, whether you give permission or not. And that's just something that you sign when you sign up for Centrelink. And again, not many people really know about it. But yeah, you know, if you don't have the money in your account, there will, you know, people will come around to your house and start taking your furniture, you know, it's sort of at that sort of level, do you know what I mean? With just just because it's not really a problem to me. If you'd like to give me a call back and say, wake up tomorrow, I can be with the solicitor and I can work with them. So so I'll just I'll just I'll just send it and whatnot. No worries, I'll just fill you in what it looks like from my end. So basically, I have to write down now, whether we've agreed that you're going to repay the amount or not. So just going from our current conversation, I can't say that we I can confirm that you are going to pay it back. So once I've done that, it's sort of out of my hands. And then it sort of goes to debt collectors and and they and it's quite a quick process within usually three to four business days. There will be some large men that could you know, rock up at your house and start taking your furniture. Yes. Well, we get the agreement verbally. And then the ATO starts taking money out of your account, whether you sort of like it or not, you know, it's once once we have the verbal yes, then it's sort of things happen very quickly, but it's over quickly. You know what I mean? We will take a certain amount out. You know, and within three months, debt will be gone and you're back to living on your normal life. OK, so you're saying if I don't agree to it right now, then basically. You're going to get very quickly within by the end of this phone call, the the job gets sent electronically to to our debt collecting. Yes. Well, I just I don't have a right to be right. Just in front of me right now. You can give me a call back tomorrow. We can work something out when I'm with my sister. Look, it wouldn't be me personally calling you back tomorrow, but I'm sure that you will receive a visit tomorrow at some stage. But I can't guarantee that it will. Well, like I said, we have your address on file. We have your bank accounts and you will you will make those repayments. Do you understand? You will make those repayments. You are employed now. You are making money. You will repay the amount that was given to you when you didn't have a fucking job. Dude, I'm sorry. Don't tell him to say something. You need to apologize. I will apologize. How big is your deal? This was good. It had me going for a while. Oh, thank God we did because I wasn't sure. I didn't know whether you didn't know how far in did you were you suspicious that this might be a prank or for Marty Michael. Oh, he's just got it. I was like right at the end, but that was good as because I fully did have settling and now I'm making ads and I do have a comment back for me. Yeah, you made sense. It is and I was just fucking going with it. Dude, you did well. You did well. You handled yourself well. If I actually wanted your money, like you did good. You don't. Yeah. You're friends. It was a good phone manner. Thanks, dude. What do you say? Yeah, dude, yeah, you did good. I did. I did really good. I was very, very convincing. Dude, I couldn't have been. I couldn't talk right now after what we just did before. Yeah, like I was Centrelink. Yeah, I did see that. I already paid you to do this. Nothing, oh, did you? Oh, fuck. He did. Fuck, Brody. Don't why you were so chill. But it's good that he did because it was. Yeah, but if he hadn't said shit, then you would have got more pain. That was good. Oh, dude, well, fucking you did good. And yeah, this will be on the podcast and we love you. And you don't have any money to Centrelink. Fuck those dogs. Fuck them to death. Those dogs. Exactly. I'm gonna fucking pay my pay. Yeah, I'm ready to get my shit. If they if they made you pay that, you would go back on Centrelink to pay that. Hey, let's touch the poor. Right. I'm a fucking criminal. All right, dude, we love you. Thank you for talking to us and we'll fucking see you tomorrow. See you later, boys. See you, buddy, mate. Michael's been working on a little project that he'd like to present to the public. Now he's been it's taken about an hour of it's all bladder and it's we in these. Put a bottle on. He's just put that there. We are the best. We're getting better. I know it's happened. Oh, my God, you've got a letter before we say one letter left before we fucking tea dogs who fucking play any brother. Let me show you what's going on again. All right. We are the best. We're the best. We're back in this is the best podcast you've ever listened to. Don't show everyone and say my next week.