 Okay, welcome everybody. Again, I'd like to remind you to sign up for Angel Shift's Drink Sufficient Water. If you have water with you, consider sufficient water to drink now. I'd like to start up with this first talk in the opening of May Contain Hackers 2022. We had to wait an extra year for this, but it is even cooler. Well, it's actually quite hot and happening. Yes. So, the next talk, the first talk, will, warning, this talk may actually contain hackers. There may be hackers in the room. There may be hackers surrounding the room. There may be hackers recording this. There may be hackers listening in. There may be hackers that actually trade data. There may be hackers wearing shirts. Well, some of them do. There may be hackers carrying spying devices. Oh, no. There are hackers everywhere. What can we do except having a party? Stitch co-organized 2017 already, and MCH 2022, a help design the new generation tool of all the colors. It's also really nice. I mean, look at all the designs. The lines are awesome. He also worked on setting up hackerspaces like Hack 42 and Awesome Space. Well-known. Give a round of applause to Stitch. Wow. Oh, it's, I cannot express my feelings now. It just took three years. So, thank you all. Thank you, family, friends. It's really, really, really nice to see you all again. I'm really honored to be standing here. There have been hundreds of people working their asses off for the years, over year, over year, doing this COVID shit. And we had to cancel just one giant nightmare. And we are finally here. And we did it. We have a fucking awesome conference. So, yeah, the road to here was interesting to give you a few tiny highlights. So we had to cancel due to COVID. So we were in organization mode and meetings. And then COVID happens, which ended up very bad for a lot of people. So pretty bad. I'm really happy to see people wearing face masks and masks in the stand. Thank you very much. Thank you. So, and we got to the point where the cash flow became a really interesting issue. And it was the point where prices started raising. We had to do down payments really, really early on. Everybody wants to have full payments because there was a lot of uncertainty. And it was basically an elaborate shit show. So that was not fun. Thanks to all the people that did the startup donations. Thanks to you, we could actually do those down payments and have a conference. So give it up for everybody that did a startup donation. So in March this year, we started organizing like endure die modes. If COVID would happen that it would have disastrous consequences, mostly for the people that have COVID, not for us. So I'm well aware. But due to the crisis, COVID crisis, the war in Ukraine, and everybody and their dog wanting to have a conference this year, we had a lot of issues with suppliers. It wasn't the level of EMF camp 2018, but it was really terrible. And I want to give a shout out to the people that fixed the water stuff in the past few months, especially Lupus Reinder and people from PG Rental. They basically saved the day and that's why you have water now. And even worse, we had a power issue. Like we ordered it way, way back when. And Aggreco is a company that we work with. They are very nice people. But every piece of equipment that we loaned is still stuck in France. So what they did is get the generators and everything else rushed from Dominator Festival to here. It was too late. It has burned up people. We again had to rent a lot of people. There were night shift and it was basically very, very, very bad. So be especially nice to the power people and consider helping out tearing it down. Because they are all burned out because of the late delivery and the complete clusterfuck that ensued. But we have power here thanks to the power team. So give it up for them and please help out. And there's some other very interesting points. And this one is actually not really the worst one. But we work with our own scouting estate. It's a very nice place. And we work with scouting a lot in the past I think three years to figure out a contract. And we were in their planning system which worked fucking great. They have this really nice planning system. And you can reserve your time slots. Turned out they have two of them. So that's why there's a lot of scouts here. And we have like 1200 scouts switching in the next few days. And that causes some interesting cultural differences. Which I would like to highlight a few. So we reduce the amount of stress. Which is basically this PowerPoint karaoke. So noise and music please be silent at one. So they can also have a nice sleep. There's a lot of kids, very young kids. So if you have these... Of course you can play music near a tent. And not at the too loud volume. But if you have like the speakers that we have here or I don't know... The stage over there or any other village basically. Consider being silent at one. Also scouting doesn't have the concept of villages. Now here you can walk in every village and say hi. And what do you do? And you get a tour and etc. Scouting doesn't have that. They're basically islands. So if you... I'm asking you to not go into those islands. And if you really, really, really want to talk to somebody from scouting out of interest. Their protocols basically wait outside and ask if it's okay to come in. And then it might be okay that you get a tour or something. But generally leave them alone. So they're really nice. But there's a cultural difference. And yeah, please respect that. And nobody asked for these double bookings. We didn't. They didn't. It's just... This is the situation at hand. Please be kind, be nice to each other. And let's all have a nice party. Thank you. There is a tiny visual cue where the scouting part starts. So this is a hint. It also has some tape around their part. So it will be pretty clear. Let me see. I did already do this. So I have got the honor to do this section new and improved. So new hacker camp, new stuff. There's a lot of stuff that you already know. Like a harbor and such. This time we have these very decent 200 gigabytes per second up and down. So I was asked to not use it for nefarious purposes in some country. And they have 10 gigabits wired for everybody. And they have all kinds of new technologies for the network nerds out there. There's a blog post about that on the site. I want to highlight this device, which is a... You cannot read it, it's a bit low. It's a course wavelength division multiplexing optical atrop multiplexer. There you go. It has the squirrel that bites through the UTP cable. That's the logo of the nog. So another nice thing that's new and improved is the badge. I've got one here. There's no component shortage. It runs Doom. I don't know if you can see it, but it actually runs Doom here. It basically can run Doom on two chips. I heard they were engineering to offloading the graphics. So you can get this 60 FPS experience, which you need. That's the logo of the badge team. It's here. There is an app store. So if you need new kinds of ransomware ideas or shady payment systems, mch2022.badge.team and it has tons and tons of apps on it, just like last time, you can develop Python stuff with it. And please do. There will be a badge review talk. They will hand out some prizes and stuff for the people that make the most insane and crazy apps. So please do so. Give it up for the badge team. Next up is something that is very, very, very new to hacker events, which are hoodies, and not just any regular hoodies. They contain something that is non-standard and maybe even out of the norm. That is a non-dark part. So it's custom-made, everything, just like last time. I hope I can show it a little bit. The design made by Nicolette and Bleeptrack. So thank you. There's a butterfly with this nice prism effect. Equations, a badge. It has, of course, a cyber label in it. Yes, sure, you can clap for cyber. So it's embroidered, so it will stay long and nice, well, blah, blah, blah. Thingy. And yeah, I like the sleeve. So we are on the way of making a maybe non-dark hoody next time. It will take a few years of development, so give us some time, please. Right, then we have something else that's special, and therefore I need the holoblot people. They're probably in the room, and they have a tablet where they have demo effects on it. So there's this audio system in this room, which, yeah, it's a small system, and it does something special. It basically can not just make noise in the wide sense, or like any direction. It can also do beams of noise. So we're going to play the jungle thing, and you will hear different parts. So who hears the crickets very loudly? Mostly there. Who hears the birds chirping very loudly? There's this line. What else special things we have? The birds' crickets? Yeah, there's a lot of insects. What we do tonight, between 11 and 1, we have a session where we will just experiment with the system and you can walk around. The funny thing is that you can walk around the room and have different points in the room for different audio. That's something new. For example, they have a demo where you can walk across the street, like a virtual street, and there you hear people clamoring, and there you absolutely don't hear them, which is crazy. Of course, this is not a really optimized tent for such a system. So tonight there will be a lot of experimentations. See where it works, where it doesn't work, might work in another room, et cetera. So I invite you to join. It will be music, including the Dutch traditional quality music at the end. So we can see how far it goes and how well the bass does their thing and such. But it's a new system, and a lot of people drove it all the way from Berlin to here. And it's basically the most expensive item on our insurance, so please don't break it. Another thing that's new is the MCH payment system. It's the all-round spherical payment system with all kinds of excellent features. I've got it with me. Actually, we have a version two of them. Our engineers came up with a, we can also do this on paper, and then another engineer came up, we can also do this on plastic. So basically you can exchange your money into a QR code and pay on the field where if you want. You can get many QR codes, so if you want to have vouchers of 10 euros and have multiple of them, fine. If there's still money on them in the end at the event, you get reimbursement, of course, so that's very nice. And we have cashless payments basically everywhere. So you can use your standard PIN cards, credit cards, whatever card payment you have, your phone, you can use that just like a supermarket, basically. And the QR codes. I recommend the QR codes because of better anonymity. And there's a lot of complex stuff going on there, so if you want to be sure, better anonymity using QR codes. So I see a long line of people getting QR codes tonight. Then there's a slide that I accidentally left in, so we can skip this. Something else that is new and improved is the secret token game, which is an idea we got from Bornec. Hello, people from Bornec. Anyone here? Give it up for Bornec. Yeah! Bornec is a hacker conference in Denmark. It's after this one, so if you think I need more hacker conferences this summer, yeah, you can. You can just drive to Denmark. So I have more fun. And there's this game where you can look for tokens which start with secret, and then to accolade or curly braces, and a text twin in it. You can enter that on the secret token website, and the more you find, it's basically token.mch2022.org. It's on the bottom of the slide, which you probably cannot see. And they're spread out through the entire camp, everywhere. There's tons of them, and you can basically make even more of them. So, yeah, the challenge is to find them all. We have a nice price for the people in the end that found the most. We have to figure out what that is, but that will be fine. Another thing that is new and improved is... I'm wondering what happened to the slide deck. Is the stage... We have a laser show stage. I'm using laser shows because of licensing issues, and there's also a support with audio. There was a sponsor that stepped up and said, we want to do a stage because we like music, or shit. And we said, no, you cannot have music, but you can have lasers. So, hence the laser stage. And if you like making music, you're invited to do something there. Also new is that we now can go full circle on this terrain. So we have a circle on route. There's this bridge, and you can basically walk through the Zusa field, which saves you one kilometer of walks between this track and that field, which is nice. It took two months of effort getting this. Just these rubber things and the bridge is two months of mailing back and forth. I pity the people that work in these permits things. And something else that is new is the supermarket. We have a supermarket on site, and I just like ten minutes ago made this picture and I tried to have no people in it, so it's not a very nice representation. It has basic... This implies they only have sugar and salt. I hope they have a bit more, but at least you can get some beverages over there. And so, thanks for the supermarket. And the things we know and love, such as finally normal people to talk to for a few days. Villages, the family village, a lot of workshop tents, track tents, lasers, flamethrowers. Let's see if it works. Lasers. Wow, lasers, yeah. Flamethrowers. A lot of retro gaming due to a sponsor. I'll get back to that. Very inefficient parking. You get VIP tickets. If you play your cards right, then you get a golden shiny VIP ticket when you park your car. So you can try to obtain it if you drive from the field and back. We have got a lot of different cards this event. Try to collect them all. There's a ton of them. If you get the VIP ticket, you are asked to park way, way in the back. And this time we use emojis for track names because that's all the rage. Silent camping, silent lounge again. Food vendors. There's a party area. Capture the flag, of course. So there's like, you're at the camp and you think you are here, but you're basically missing 80% by just being in this room. So that's how this works. So the program. There are hundreds of talks. You can find more... Oh, I switched some slides. So you can find it on program.mch2022.org. There are like hundreds of talks for the next five days. And every day there are lightning talks. Somebody rushed in the HQ said, like, every day there are lightning talks. Okay, every day there are lightning talks. And if that's not enough for you and you need more clones of yourself to visit more things at the same time, there's also Wiki with self-organized sessions. Also, like, 80 sessions up right now. So there's more than enough to do for the entire day. The content team has been working, like, yeah, for months also. Hundreds of talks, submitted, reviewed. Yeah, and some of the talks about, I don't know... I'm missing the English word for people that have problems with that deny that COVID exists and all the other stuff, like, blockchains and all the other stuff has been... kicked. So we actually have a nice program. So thank you. Give it up for the content team. So this time we have a lot of sponsors. It's ridiculous. The sponsors slots have been sold out, except the Diamond one. If somebody is in a room that wants to throw away 50K on the hacker scene and make sure the hacker scene gets better, then we're mission complete. But the sponsor team has been working insanely hard, and they started calling MCHs many consumed hours. So... And this is also the first time that I... Yeah, we actually have to announce sponsors during the opening talk because, yeah, they did a lot of... Spent a lot of money, but also give something back in the sense of content, which we wanted to highlight. Sponsoring and donations all together is like the inflation correction of the last few months. So if you know that the budget was 1.2 million euros, then... It's like... Normally sponsors are just an add-on. We do the normal stuff by using the ticket price, and this time we could not live without it, and I think that's not a good sign. So we'll have to re-evaluate, but making the ticket like 600 euros is also not really a good deal. So it's a struggle. That being said, I wanted to get that off my chest, I wanted to highlight the first sponsor, the computer test, which is a testing company, it's in the name, and they bring the arcade, the home computer museum, and game in. They are all at the most southern part of the terrain. It's a lot of fun, and they have a bar as well, and a lot of people that work day in, day out to make that a really, really nice area, so please visit it. Then we have Adgen. I don't know, it's not in their name what they do, except adding Jens or something. They support the MCH payment system. They are also a platinum sponsor, and they said, oh, here are all the pin terminals. You can get them for free. They work till the next year. So we got 16 of them, and it was not enough, so we called, like, could you add some more? We got another 16, so there's enough payment terminals and ridiculously low transaction fees and such, which are basically not possible normally. So thanks to Adgen. Thank you very much. Also Deloitte. Deloitte is an auditing firm, but they also have a security auditing part, which is, I think, actually a nice part of it. They also provide a separate track of content, which is on the wiki. Maybe it will be also somewhere on the program, in one of the stripes of content. They have to unlock the city with a lot of talks there. And Deloitte is actually somehow, interestingly, our favorite sponsor in one sense. That is that sponsors are really restricted in what they can do. We don't want to have banners plastered everywhere with all these sponsor logos and etc. And the lawyers from this company said, like, you are not allowed to use our logo in any other way, except that the things that we approve. So, well, we like that. So we don't have to use it. But in case we need to refer to them in the future, there has been a company asked to make an alternative logo, which is using a different font, a different style, a different tagline, etc., which is this. So, you know, yeah, it's not been pre-approved, but this is an entirely different company. And just for the record, to be nice to all the other sponsors, it barely fits on this slide from Gold, Silver, Community and Material sponsors. The Creative Industries Fund, especially for all the speaker reimbursements and travel reimbursements for speakers. So, thank you, all sponsors. So, MCH is a community event. Like, we're all from the hacker scene. There's this angel system. If you've never been to a hacker camp or congress or hacker events before, the angel system is a system where you can have, like, shifts of two hours to do something, like recording this track or driving the shuttle, a luggage shuttle, or the shuttle from Nike Air Station, or any other task. Basically, everything is done on a volunteering basis. Everybody is here on a volunteering basis, which is fucking excellent. And if you want to do something at the event and help out, please do so. We need your help. You can find the angel system in the heaven, which is the large tent next to the road, the white one, and on angel.mch2022.org. I have already two special requests I want to mention, which is, because of the burnout of the power team and such, we are looking for three teardown coordinators to help us assisting teardown in planning what supplies come when. So, if you would like to help and really make a difference during teardown, please help us out. Step forward after this talk to that side of the stage, and you can talk. And also, tearing down, when we're tearing down, facilities will still be up and running, such as showers and toilets. So, you can stay during teardown and help with teardown. There's excellent food by the Macklinburgers. Yes, the Macklinburgers, they're fucking awesome. Yeah, it's the best vegetarian food I've ever eaten, so it's really good. So, please try and help with the teardown and we are still looking for the teardown coordinators. Then some general announcement before we start the show, which are, please remove your car from the field. This picture was made a few days ago by the same team, and they were like, oh, we can do everything, and then this happened. A special request from my treasurer. Henry did all the insurance stuff, and we were explicitly told we are not insurers against cyber. I'm sorry. So, please, yeah, cyber is a problem. Also, if you want to know more, please check the booklet. There's some at the entrance, you also probably got one when you entered the camp. It contains everything you want to know about the family village, phone numbers, important opening times. A lot of practical stuff. It also contains a map, which is slightly off-centered. But that works fine because you will basically save it like this anyway. So, there's also this map. There are also all around the campsite. If you think making a booklet is easy, no, it's not. It's also like weeks of work and a lot of lost sleep. So... Then, I think this was the opening, the moment we've been waiting for for three years. Again, thank you very much for attending, for helping out. And next up, there will be a... What's it called? Sorry? The Silicon Passion, yeah. It's something different than just a regular talk. I'm sorry. They have all these devices here. If they're going to tell me they don't use MIDI, I'm really severely impressed. So, thank you again. It's lovely to see you. Oh, are there some questions? What's up? All right. Yeah, of course, I see what's happening. So, please, I'm reminding you again. My face mask is somewhere there. Please wear face mask inside of the public tents and have a spectacularly awesome MCH 2022. So, I want to get the project lighting on the stage. Could the project lighting please come up the stage? This is the team that in the past three years worked their asses off the project lighting first. So... Silicon Passion is like... Finally! I just wanted to show some faces of the people that have been working really, really hard in the past few years. Just so you have seen their faces. And if you are stressed, then you might not want to ask a question. Because they also want to have a holiday the next few weeks, days. Henry is the... There's Henry. So, from left to here, it's Halcyon, Resume, Resume, Hookamurm, Netsmurf, and last but not least, Henry. Alright, let's party! Thank you!