 All right, good evening everybody, I'm Tony Bruno. I am here with John Somnez Bulldog mindset John How you doing tonight? I'm doing great. Glad to be here. Good. Good tell everybody about yourself and Tell everybody about Bulldog mindset from what it looks like you're a you're I guess a dating coach a Lifestyle guru and fitness guru and an entrepreneur so kind of like a lifestyle coach Would you call yourself? Yeah, so I mean my main focus is really really two things and they're then they're very related One of them is getting rid of the victim mindset You know and specifically teaching men to get rid of this victim mindset that so many people have so they can be successful in life And then the second one which you know again like I said is really related is Because it's part of it which is being a man like how to be a man I'll be a masculine man like masculinity and and so the other elements that you that you talked about they really come Into that right because I feel like in order to be a man You you need to have a certain level of physical fitness of physicality right to work on yourself in that Aspect even if it's just for the mental discipline and then you need to have the the financial means to learn How to build a business if that's what you want to do or to be successful financially and then also the dating in Relationship you need to know how to handle women how to get women if you if you want women and in how to you know Interact with them and keep those relationships going or the direction that you want them to be going Now I see that you're I first I want to talk about its physical fitness because that's the first thing that popped out And I'm like wow this guy is jacked. He's definitely has his shit together I mean you can see that you work hard and that's not something that from what I understand came I don't want to say easy to you, but it didn't come easy to you worked at it So tell me about your physical fitness Basically plan for somebody and tell me about your plan that you did for yourself Yeah, I mean we can start with I can show you my My before picture if you if you'd like I can share my screen here, and then sure that was probably a good Okay, so here's some before pictures There we go, okay, so yeah, so this is you know before picture This was was me. It really really was me, you know, oh wow Yeah, so That's incredible you have pictures of you now So you can share them show us because I've seen a lot of pictures of you Yeah, so here's kind of like more recent. This is the one that I posted today. Yeah, that's incredible Yeah, so that's you know I just turned 40 Okay But um, but yeah, that's I mean That's a transformation right there You know that should show a lot of guys that what you can change yourself if you have the mindset the Bulldog mindset Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, I knew what happened with me was you know I got to a point where I had to buy it like a size 46 pants as you can see in that picture And that was the point where I could no longer deny it that I was definitely fat as overweight and You know and I just decided that hey, I'm going to change my life I don't want this like I had all these aspirations of what my life would be like and I realized at that point that It's not just gonna happen right and so I made the turnaround and what I started doing was it was real Simple actually at that point when I was trying to lose the weight is I just said all right every two weeks I need to lose five pounds and I just I just ate a you know a low calorie foods Basically, I didn't have like a super detailed plan and I ran and then I said every pound over Over the five like that. I hadn't reached every two weeks I would run that many miles every day until I reached that and so I never had to run any penalty miles I'm so afraid of running the miles. So um, so that's that got me down and then you know And then I started lifting weights again, I had lifted before You know when I was younger and I got that muscle back and got really strict with the diet and nutrition And I made you know some pretty good advancements there. I started eating one meal a day I did that for like about five years And and I saw some really big benefits from that and then you know in the last last four years I became a marathon runner So I've been running I run a bunch of marathons and then this year I'm actually I'm actually right here The reason why I don't have my normal setup is I'm in Flagstaff right now and I'm training for a hundred mile race So it actually got canceled. So when I go back to San Diego, I'm gonna be just running it solo a hundred miles And and yeah, so doing my goal for this year was to be an ultra Yeah, I saw that that you're gonna go ahead and do it anyways for yourself You know, I think that's awesome Do you think competition is important with men whether it's men competing together or competing against yourself and your limits? Yeah, I think I think I mean definitely both are important, right? It's like I mean primarily we have to compare ourselves to who we were yesterday, right as as men because that's primarily we need to be competing with ourselves and Comparing ourselves not to other people because you could compare yourself to other men And you're always gonna fall short in some area And and that's not what you need to be concentrating on is what you can do with what you have and Becoming the best version of yourself as possible and that means that you're better than you were yesterday But as far as like competition between men, I think it's it's important But to have the healthy competition right where where I compete with you But I respect you at the end of the day We respect each other right we we recognize the the lion the warrior in the other man And we salute that you know on the battlefield we fight it out, but we salute that warrior We have respect for that for that masculinity within us I think that's really important because that brings out the best in us right when we're when we're going against someone else when we're you know Performing the on the battlefield essentially of life that it brings out that that that lion that's within us all Mm-hmm. Yeah. Now when I was your age, I'm 57 right now when I was your age at 40 I picked up martial arts Okay, and my discipline main discipline was judo Now at that age a lot of people say oh, you know, you can't do that But I competed at probably some of the highest levels in that sport And I find myself still competing whether I'm surfing across the street You know surfing with the boys you're wanting to get the biggest wave. I don't care if when we Go to the range when you're shooting you want the best shots always competition But I think it's very healthy I mean combat sports at all any type of combat sports kickboxing or anything like that I did some martial arts growing up and then recently I did muay thai for for a couple years Which was was great. I really enjoyed that. I ended up Stopped doing muay thai. I had like I got my ribs broken and then I ran a marathon afterwards and I I realized that like The two weren't really going together too well Also the amount of time they have to train for marathons and ultra marathons So I gave it up for for now, but I definitely want to get back into it. I really I liked doing muay thai Yeah injuries can be I mean I had a kind of a I don't want to say it's a life altering injury But I was training for a huge competition. I had just done really well in two big competitions and I have a I shattered my collarbone. So I have screws and basically a steel collarbone So the competition still was awesome to me I mean it was something again that I've done, you know for about 15 years and okay It's been about a year or so since I since I've been on the mat. But yeah, I think it's very healthy competition between men Let's also talk about your financial coaching and your entrepreneurship Tell me tell me how you take a guy that's you know, not doing well and again Your name is bulldog mindset. All that ties in I'm sure so tell me about that Yeah, I mean initially like you said like a lot of it comes down to like figuring out if there's a problem Mindset wise a lot of the guys that that end up taking coaching from me Their guys that have been following me for a while. So they probably have already got a lot of the mindset piece of it But then they still need the instruction in in how to actually execute on the ground here, right? And so What what I do a lot of times I mean I look and I try to figure out Okay, what is it that you actually want right because there's a lot of different options. It's not just about making money Right, it's like because one guy, you know, I could I could talk to him and he could say Oh, you know what if I could just have $2,000 a month of passive income didn't have to work anymore for anyone else And I could live in Thailand. I'd be happy I would never need to make any more money than that But I just want to quit my job as soon as possible, right? but another guys could say no I have aspirations of having a mansion and Having nice cars and building up, you know extreme amount of wealth and the path to both of those things is going to be very different Because one of them is going to take a lot longer and it's going to take a lot more work The other one is not not as difficult and it may cap you so that when you if you decide to like retire in Thailand For $2,000 a month, you're not going to be able to really expand as much beyond that So what I usually look at is we end up usually working on A couple things one is okay where you're at right now Let's let's find some low hanging fruit. I can usually get a guy that I'm coaching a raise You know a 10 to 15 percent raise just right off the bat Just because most most guys don't know how to negotiate and they haven't they didn't even negotiate their first job offer They didn't negotiate their raises I give them a little bit of skill to do that and then you know that basically pays for my My fee right there and then the other thing that next thing that I usually focus on is okay Let's build you an actual business so you can have some passive income That you have actual income or creature income coming in. It's not really passive when it's a business In my mind, but and then the third thing that I focus on is doing real estate investment. That's what really I did Which made me successful and be able to retire at a young age And what I what I try to do is what what I call there's this concept I call the well that never runs dry So basically Most most people what they do is they take their paycheck Okay, the money they make from the business and then they spend it on Their expenses and then what's ever left over they save and invest the problem with doing that is that You are always having to generate more income in order to to live right So what I do and what I help a lot of guys do is to generate what I call the well that never runs dry Which is basically to say, okay We're going to take all the income that you're making Okay, and it and it takes a while you can't do this right away But essentially the model is you take the income you're making from your job or if you're in business or whatever You invest all of that a hundred percent of it. So my vehicle of choice is real estate. I think that's the best investment by far And then you live off of the passive income that's generated from that well, right? It's in every month every time you're adding to that you're digging the well deeper And so you're living your budget essentially increases So your lifestyle gets to increase But but every month that well is replenished because that is money You don't have to work for and so the goal is really to get to that point Then that's what that's how I live my life a lot of A lot of really successful financially successful men that I know they essentially do some variation of that They don't really call it what I call it But I noticed that pattern and that's and that's the the pattern that I also adopted But the the nice thing about it is like I said is that you you can basically spend that money You can you can know what your lifestyle is is going to be and it increases over time Do you find that when somebody starts making more money? they're automatically inclined to buy a bigger house buy a nicer car And kind of defeat the purpose of what they're actually doing Yeah, and you know when I was younger I I had that same mindset I remember getting a raise at my job and it was like Something like $400 a month and then I thought oh, I can afford $400 a month more of payments That's that's how I thought back then and I thought oh well. I could get a car That's you know $200 more a month and then rent a apartment that's or you know or get this whatever it is pay for the cell phone bill or whatever and that's like the completely wrong way of thinking because See the thing is like there's a difference between being rich and being wealthy And I mean you can make a lot of money and you could technically be rich because there's a lot of NBA players and Movie stars and whatnot that are rich, but they're not wealthy because they go broke like if you can go broke You're not wealthy And the difference is is whether you have to work for the money or not right and so That that's the key thing is it's like if you take the money that you're that you're making and you make more money And then you spend more money. You have a higher lifestyle But you're having to work for that money You're just show boning. It's it's not real because Because you're you're having to generate that money every month, right? You you don't have true. Well, do you have true? Well when you Don't have to work for the money when the money is working for you and that's coming in You know every every month that's that's the key and so that's why it's so So wrong to to do that. It's because it's not it's like, you know You don't really own it. You don't really own that stream income You're just kind of you're you're getting it right now But there's no guarantee that you're going to continue to make that money in the future and so if you're if you're Getting things that require that debt or that are required payment But you don't have any direct like you can't guarantee that you're going to get the money to pay for it in the future You're setting yourself up for a very bad situation Mm-hmm. I mean I remember the day I paid my house off And real estate, you know, it's something that I wish I got more involved in when I was young Because I look at what I paid for my house, you know, 27 years ago and what it's worth now You know a block from the beach. So how do you coach a guy into Making those right choices in other words saying, okay, you're going to invest in this and you're gonna you have a specific plan Where you're going to hang on to this property for 20 years 30 years So my default right and again, it depends on the situation and what you're trying to do, right? And actually like to back up a little bit. This is this is something that I always teach is that net worth can be converted to cash flow And so for younger guys when I'm coaching them What my focus is getting their net worth up as much as possible because we can always convert to cash flow later You're making money. You got a good job. Whatever. Let's just increase your net worth So we're going to still invest in real estate, but we're going to invest leveraged Right, we're going to invest where we're going to put as little money as down as possible And have as much money that we can borrow from the bank Because that leverage appreciation is really going to build up your net worth over time Now your cash flow is going to be zero or maybe even slightly negative So you're not going to be putting money in your pocket every month But you're going to be putting money in the bank for the long term essentially, right? And then later on when you get to the point, maybe you're like Maybe this is a guy in his 20s and and we're getting this plan. And so what I'm having him do is buy a house Every year Where he's putting 10 or 20 down on that that property and it's it's a break-even cash flow situation, right? The rent covers the mortgage and the expenses So every year he's buying another house buying another house buying another house Maybe it's duplex or four-plates at least make it more money, right? And then at some point You know, maybe he's like 30 35 whatever 40 and he says, okay, I want to retire now I'm done working for the man, right now We can just take all of that at real estate and we can we can exchange that We can do like a 1031 exchange or there's a couple different options And we can we can now convert that into cash flow by either paying off the property or taking the equity from those properties and Exchanging it for another property where there's not going to be debt on that And now you can get that cash flow and you can you can you can live off of that So it kind of depends on where you're at, you know If you're already further on in in life and you don't have as much time to develop that net worth Then maybe it makes more sense to buy properties with 50 down payment Where you're going to get cash flow or even 100 down payment We're just buying things straight up and you're going to get that cash flow If you want to be able to retire and have that passive income on it But but in general my strategy for real estate investment is buy and hold, right? It's it's deferred gratification. We're looking for the long term Because in the long term, you know assets are going to increase in value And and and you're going to you're going to do well in real estate in the short term You could get burnt things can go up and down But you know, if you're holding on to a property for 15 years, it's pretty much going to be a good investment I don't know of any property That I've ever invested in that I've held for 15 years or that anyone I know of That hasn't turned out to be a good deal after that period of time Do you help a guy say with bad credit? Can you coach a guy from a bad credit score or someone who has no credit? I I could I'm I haven't encountered that very often because you know with the with the kind of fees that I charge I'm usually working with someone who either has a pretty good six-figure job Or is running a business, you know, maybe a six to seven figure business So I usually don't encounter that too much. I mean In in that case, I think the best things to do like if you have no credit Obviously, you know, you can you can do some things like You know opening up lines of credit like getting a car payment and just paying it off or credit card that you're paying off every month Which which you know, pretty much anyone should be doing anyway You should have a credit card that has a bonus cashback or whatever and paying it off every month because it's just free money sitting out there As far as bad credit I mean, I personally what I would probably do is because I know there's a lot of guys that I've worked with in the past that Do credit repair? So I would probably just refer them to just something like that and say, okay You know get the credit fixed first and then come back to me because that's not my my expertise Gotcha. Now another big part of what you do of course is a dating coach Now this is a this is a big deal and dating coaches in the mana sphere And I do like that word and I'm going to use it So dating coaches in in the mana sphere I I talked with probably I think you're the sixth one in the past month or so and Everybody has a different kind of a different philosophy But it seems to be the same end goal so Talk to me about like a guy that Is really not doing well with women and another question Is it different when you coach a guy that's 20 years old or a guy that's 50 years old? That's a good question. So I'll start off with the second one I don't think there's a huge difference in terms of what is attractive to women The the general advice I would give someone who's younger like say 20 versus someone's 50 It's for guys that are 20. I'm really telling them. Look Here's the deal You're not going to get the hottest 20 year old girls that you want right now because you're just not a high enough value Man, right? They're they're looking for older men to be honest with you Okay And so what I tell these guys is look learn to overcome your social anxiety like to to learn some game to be able to talk to women Don't get into a long-term relationship at all, right? And don't spend too much time going out every weekend and trying to like learn some basics But be focused mostly on building your fitness And building your business your money And and and who you are as a man like learning about yourself becoming grounded as a man Because when you get to your 30s, that's when your opportunity is maybe you're around 35 You're making good money. You know who you are. You're grounded as a man. You've got a good physique, right? Whereas other guys have let themselves go Now You're you're in a place where and you have the experience with women so you can you have some game You you understand you you've been around the block a few times now you have your selection now Those hot girls you couldn't get before you can get those girls Because you you've got all those things going whereas someone who's let's say 50 I'm going to give them different advice because hey, they don't they don't got that They're there already should be at that point of being established in their life But you know as far as like kind of that that's higher level advice now as far as like the actual dating advice of game And where guys, you know make mistakes and and learning to Attract or pick up women What it what it comes down to and I guess this is is somewhat related is My primary thing is status I think that women Are attracted to status more than anything else and and the way that I break down status is it's a combination of stuff It is a combination of your looks for sure It's a combination of that with your with your money which represents your accomplishments and your your drive in life and And also your social skills right your ability to Understand and read social situations and to be smoother, you know, whatever you to have game We could call it that and so it's all those things combined and so You want to raise your status as much as possible So a lot of the it begins just with the internal right is like let's make you a high value man So that you're not faking something so that you you kind of already know what to do And then we still need to tweak some things because look 90% of the guys that I coach this is it their problem is that they're afraid That they that they can't go up to a girl that they're attracted to and talk to her and so That's what i'm primarily getting them to do is just to go do that because a lot of the rest of the stuff will kind of solve itself I mean there's definitely pieces and tweaks and understanding logistics and and you know If you want to pick up a girl from a bar and you want to bring her back with you There's a lot of steps involved in and stuff to know about how to do that and how to create that attraction And and how to move things in a sexual direction But most of the guys that are are watching They have never even just gone and talked to a girl that that they don't know And and shown some interest in her there. They're terrified and I know because I Why is that John? I mean I I speak, you know when and I Me and my brother have spoken about this a few times and and I remember when I first went to 21 Like all right. Wow a lot of this has to do with gain and picking up women and My brother and I have never had that issue And I'm not sure if it's because how we grew up whether it be from our father or has things changed so much as far as Social media and bumble and tender. So what what makes it hard for a guy to approach? Yeah, that's that's a good question. I think it's I think it's a combination of factors, right? I think it's just one of those just intrinsic fears that most men have now, you know, obviously He said you and your brother didn't have it but but probably the reason why you don't have it is probably because You initially had done it and had some success and that's kind of like a reinforcing Like you know that women are going to respond to you in a certain way And so there's it kind of limits that fear very quickly in life But most guys never actually face the fear and so it becomes a deeper and deeper fear any fear that we Let have a foothold in our life will take more and more of our life And so most men have never stood up and faced that fear and so like I said, it grows and grows on them and You know, it's it's hard to say it's just it's just something I mean I was afraid when I was growing up. I was so scared of women I Would not dare to talk to a girl and just just approach or just cold approach and try to do any kind of pickup or anything like that Because it was I don't know It was just like an instinctual fear that I had and I had to really push myself to get over it And I think a lot of guys just don't they don't push themselves and part of it probably is you know, I think one element is the the internet like the rapid pornography, right Because if a guy like okay, if you don't have pornography as an option then You're going to be more like more compelled to go out there and get what you need like it's like Uh, if you're if your need is being met at a lower level Well, you know, it's not the best level it could be at but it's being met unfortunately It's it's kind of like no if you just had dog food to eat And you're eating the food and you're like, it's not really good, but it's it's food I'm okay, right? You're not starving. So you're not gonna like go out and kill something Whereas if you're starving you're going to go out and hunt you're going to go and figure out how am I going to get some food Right, and so I think that's what like a lot of guys are living on video games and porn And so they're not going out there into the real world and they're not getting enough of a of a need of a hunger To like go and face that fear and conquer that fear And so yeah, I think that's the heart of it now approaching anxiety. Would you kind of Say that also has to do with fear of rejection Yeah, I mean It's sort of an irrational fear though because You know and you can go into like the psychology of like the caveman days Like if you got rejected then, you know, you might be ostracized and then you can't survive on your own or like if you Hit on the big caveman's girlfriend. Yeah, I understand like the psychology of that I'm not I'm not like I think there's probably some element of that within it But but you know, it definitely is an irrational fear for us today Like nothing bad will happen if a if a woman rejects you I think also guys think in terms of I always try to tell guys that Rejection is a choice that you make Right, like no one can reject me. I can I'm unrejectable, right? I go up And if I talk to a girl and she's not sure that she gets in the hand or whatever I'm just I'm just laughing off. Maybe I'll even try again. Maybe whatever because it's I'm just I'm just dancing I'm just having fun. I'm just I'm just here, you know, listen to the music This is just part of my flow and this is what I'm doing and and it's it's not a person It's not a rejection type thing, but if you're going up and you're like, okay, this is the stakes I gotta get this girl's number. She's gotta be interested in me And then it's like and now you're giving her the power To reject you or not like you're making that choice and you're saying, okay If she gives me this reaction, then I am bad. I'm I fail Then you're you're essentially rejecting yourself, right? You you have to make that that choice And I think that's that's probably where a lot of guys go wrong It like when I coach guys what one of the things that I tell them Is that What our goal is For for you talking to women is not to get a phone number not to get laid None of those things at first your goal is to make yourself Go into an uncomfortable situation and to force yourself to get and you win If you get yourself into an uncomfortable situation, right and and you did it you you purposely put yourself into it Which is talking to girls. So for them in their mind I changed I context shifted so that Now we're talking about winning you win every time every time you go and talk to a girl you win That's a win right because now we're shifting the game because now it's not The idea of rejection isn't there because you can't be rejected because you're automatically going to win Just for putting yourself in an uncomfortable situation And and that becomes the goal and when that becomes the goal then that that can really help with that It's still it's going to take some balls You're still going to have to have some courage But it makes it a lot easier because now you don't have to fear the rejection because the rejection like you're not Your goal is not to get her number or to make her appreciate or accept you so Gotcha now In the man of spear again, we have I think it's the rule of six is six figures six foot tall and six pack abs I think is what it is Now when I heard that and I'm like fuck that that's bullshit because I'm five foot seven 166 pounds and I got a bald head and I didn't have an issue So to me again, it's a mindset So I had had one dating coach say to me Well, it's because you know what you might have talked to those two women And those two women don't like a guy that's five foot seven with a shaved head, but there are women that will um so Women don't know what they want or what they like Again, so if they'll tell you what they think they want There's certain things that they'll swipe on in a tinder app, but that's not real life right real life is you being there in three dimensions and And being yourself and like how you present yourself and so It's you know again a lot of guys, you know The black pill kind of in cell kind of community. It's like oh, it's all about looks. It's all it's not all about looks I have a friend of mine that You know, he is Okay, he's he's indian He is I mean he was born in india like indian. Okay. He's skinny. He's not super tall Okay And he kills it like he goes I mean but he's super aggressive I mean he'll go out to a nightclub. He'll put his arm around a girl He'll grab her hand like he'll just like that's how he before he said a word to him and they like it Okay, he hardly every once while he gets rejected from that but but because he's aggressive because he's confident in himself And he presents himself and he knows how to talk and he's god game and it's like when I first saw him I was like that that was the thing that made me believe for I was like, holy crap because I'm sitting there witnessing this guy and uh, and he doesn't have the the 666 he's Not not even close to any of those things, but but but you know, he's able to do that. So again There's like Do looks matter? Of course they do. Does it being tall matter? Of course it does but it's not like the It's it's not the only factor and it's not as big of a factor as as many guys think I think a lot of guys want to look at they look at the way that They're attracted to women and think that women are attracted to men the same way and it's just not true It's so so different women are going to judge you Based on a lot more factors than just how you look and that's you know, that that's the key It's so yeah, so I think that that's a pretty Pretty ridiculous myth. I've seen enough stuff to you know, and a lot of guys also think Okay, well some guys a chat and he's you know, six foot three and whatever and ripped and stuff that is on easy mode and girls approach him and Uh, and I can tell you that that's not the case like I mean, you know from some sometimes you get a freebie or whatever But it just doesn't it doesn't work that way Yeah, because a woman will still reject in fact if you're really good looking real tall, you know Whatever all you meet all those those characteristics. She has a high standard for you So when she talks to you she expects you to be slick and to be uh, you know to be good with women And if you're stand there stuttering and and apologizing She's going to be really disappointed and she's going to lose that attraction for you. So Yeah, I think it's it's kind of a ridiculous notion that has a little bit of truth to it Okay Now also I I think I saw a video of you where you take guys out in the field and I think it was in Las Vegas Is that correct? Yeah, yeah Yeah, tell me about that Tell me what you would do for a guy that you would take out to a nightclub in vegas. How would you help him out personally right there? Yeah, so the big thing that if I can give you like an example of a guy, you know before the the pandemic thing or anything got shut down that we went out to vegas and uh, so He actually started out We did a little bit of skype coaching his first, you know to get him go out go to bars and stuff where he was at But then when we met up in vegas, you know, we're in my hotel room And he's like i'm not going to do this, man. He's like I can you go out and have a good time I'm like i'm like dude. You just paid me two thousand dollars Okay, you are going to do it. I'm going to make you do like you're gonna There's no way you're not going to do this right and I like just I like listen just follow my lead Just like just take it one step at a time right? We're just going to take this one step at a time We're just going to we're going to purposely put ourselves in uncomfortable situations, right? See When you can get comfortable being uncomfortable when you're like, okay, because that was one of his his big hang ups This is like I just feel really uncomfortable and I'm like good This is this is what life is about it's about feeling uncomfortable. It's great. Your heart is beating You know, you're alive. This is like, I mean do you want to be have apathy like to not feel anything? I love feeling fear. I love feeling uncomfortable. That's what we're after right so then You know my my approach is to make it so that feeling uncomfortable is not a bad thing That's actually what we're after so then you get excited when you're feeling comfortable because that means something good is about to come Because I'll tell you the greatest feeling in life the greatest feeling life Higher than any high I've ever felt is when I do something that scares the fuck out of me And I and I do it anyway and then you know, it's like it's like it's coming off that crest of the roller coaster You're like, yes, right. You know, I mean it's like yeah, and that's it And so when I feel that fear now and I try to train the guys that I'm coaching It's like now I want you to feel that you know in excitement is coming Like you should that should be anticipation because you know when you do this thing You're going to feel so good about it, right? and so That's kind of the beginning is kind of getting the mindset right because we got to have the right mindset Then I go over kind of the basics like, you know, the basic stuff is like, okay How to approach, you know, how to open up a set and what kind of conversation that you're going to have with them You can kind of take things in sexual and I try not to overwhelm at first because I really just want to get them to just To just do it to just open, right? And then, you know, we go out usually For example, if we go to a nightclub, we're going to go around first around the casino or something like that And I'm going to say I'm going to demonstrate, right? I'll go up and I'll just be like here here here this girl this girl this girl I was like, look look look see how I just do this no problem And I'm just talking talking talking talking group of girls go in there and talk to him, right? And then after he's seen me do it a bunch of times because a lot of the way that we learn Is that we see someone else do something and we know it's possible, right? So many things in my life I I realized that I could do because I saw someone else do this like if that guy can do it I can do it, right? And so that's what I want to get him. I want to get him to that point and then I'm like, okay Now it's your turn now you do it, right? It's a natural normal thing Right, he's seen it happen a bunch of times and I was like, oh, okay And then usually, you know, there's a little bit of trepidation But usually after a guy's seen me do that a bunch of times Then then he's he's much more inclined. In fact, he's usually, you know, I'm usually holding him back because I'm like, oh Like it's not your turn yet Like I'm gonna finish because I want him to be anticipating his shot at it as opposed to and the reason why I do this Is because up until this point in his life, he's been dreading his turn or that he has to do this But now I want him to salivate and say yes, I want to go and give him give my shot, right? and so You know, then I'm getting him to pushing him into opening and opening and opening And then the goal is I'm like, okay That's what I wanted to know was yeah was the goal. That's what I wanted to find out If like is the end goal to get the number to get her back to the hotel room I mean, what's the end goal? You you would want that genuine attraction From the woman to that guy not just okay. Exactly. So Yeah, so so the end goal is usually for him to get the girl back to the hotel room, right? I mean, that's a number in vegas is kind of it's one of the most it's it's worth less than a five-dollar chip so So so so then really what it becomes is like, okay, you want to get into the nightclub Guess what the nightclub the fee is a hundred dollars unless you're on the guest list and the guest list requires There to be one A one-to-one even ratio. So how are we going to get in like well? I guess we're going to have to go and find some girls And and convince them to come into the nightclub with us and that's like kind of like it's a confidence builder Because I know I can do it every time and I give him a little help and then now he's like shit I just got two girls Didn't know got them to get in line with me and get into the nightclub with me now He's feeling he's flying high right even if I've done most of the work. He's there He's part of it, you know, one of those girls is coming in with him So so he's flying high then we get into the nightclub And then that's where you know, it's like now it's loud now It's a harder environment and now hopefully he's got enough confidence and I'm going to push him in Can demonstrate for him if I can, you know You know, maybe I'll do some opens and and then bring him in and and kind of you know transfer some of the attraction over to him Uh, you know, if I can establish it with the girl and and you kind of I'm trying to get him to have a good night And to succeed. So uh, you know, sometimes, you know, sometimes it doesn't happen Right. I mean, that's like you can't guarantee but a lot of times it does or maybe it's like the second night Or third night when he starts to get comfortable, you know, and then of course, you know You're getting numbers when things don't work out and then, you know I'm having him text all those numbers at the end of the night, right? Making some of those Hail Marys and just showing him like all like basically the persistence. We don't stop Right, you have the goal in mind and you know, there's a lot again little pieces to it logistics figuring out You're asking the questions, you know, would you come with, you know, what are you doing after this? Who are you here with right so he can understand what the logistics are in order to like To facilitate the what he wants to happen Let's grab some food after this set up a premise of what we're going to do afterwards So that when you get to that point and you're ready to pull from the nightclub that you've got a reason to do it So, uh, you know work on little things and then I'm always looking to see like I can look at the guy and how he's interacting with the woman and I know how it's going I don't need to hear what what he's saying because I know I look at her by language or look at his by language Okay, she's into him or she's not into him and you know, and then I'm gonna have him come back and say, okay What did you say? Let's debrief this real quick. Hey, what did she say? How did you feel things were going and then give him a little bit of tweak a little bit of pointer? Okay change this, you know Say this, you know approach this way. Don't go from the side You know, whatever whatever he needs in order to send him back out there so that he'll you know get to get to where he needs to go So you're teaching him escalation basically too Or he's kind of learning it along the way because I think there's a lot of guys that are afraid to escalate And yes understand when they're getting that signal to escalate Now I've learned a lot of different terms escalation Kino escalation, which is right actually touching a woman And I think you got to kind of be careful and be sure of yourself and I think it it's something that's probably learned or When you can put your hand on the small of her back or give her a little pat on the ass or something like that No, and you're not going to get your teeth punched out. So How do you teach a guy to keep that escalation going? So I kind of subscribe to the whole like, you know, if it's if it's not a red light It's a green light, right? And again, you know, it depends on the context and situation in a nightclub All right as long as you're approaching confidently You can get away with just your first thing putting your arm around the girl You can do it, you know, I I do play in times. I've seen plenty of guys do it, you know If you if you're hesitant if you if you if it feels like a Labored interaction, it's probably not going to go on. Maybe you shouldn't do that move But it's you know, you can literally go and make eye contact You know what they call the the hand of God extend it twirl around and make out with the girl like that It can be that that quickly So what I try to do though is just to have the guy Do something that's uncomfortable because I'd rather see him It's like calibration, right? It's like We'll take this right for example, like finding my voice in writing or on youtube What I had to do in order to do that I had to go to one extreme And I had to and had to back off and figure out where that boundary is, right? So I remember you know making youtube videos like fuck this and fuck that and like just swearing and and being kind of a Dick and then I realized okay. That's not actually me. That's not my voice But it's but it was a lot more than the quiet john that was just you know, kind of trying to be super polite It was it was somewhere I had to find that dynamic, right? And so it's the same thing here. It's like I want the guy to see what's too far Okay, uh so that he knows because most guys like they think okay This is the boundary right here like I can't do this But it's really like way out here And so I want them to go to keep on pushing to get to that boundary to so that they can see feel where it's at And then they can back off from there because most of time it's that they're not like I'd rather just see them be aggressive because Again, if you do an appropriate touch and when I say inappropriate, I don't mean like in the wrong place I mean at the wrong time in the wrong place is It's not a good idea, but uh, but if you do at the wrong time She's going to let you know she's going to back off She's going to say whoa and then you know you can kind of like Give her some space and start having conversations. Say, oh, you know like played off not a big deal and then you could try again, right uh because You know that that is going to be a lot like your chance of being successful if you Did the wrong move and then and then persisted is a lot more than if you're just a super nice guy And you just talked about what she did for work And you know and in all this kind of stuff and how the weather is and you never touched her and you're like, you know That that's guaranteed no laid zone. You're not getting laid for no no way, right? But if you do inappropriate things You still have a chance again not saying that you should necessarily but you've got to find the balance But I'd rather you fall on the side of being Inappropriate in this in the sense that like touching too much or or something like that Or going for the kiss when you shouldn't Rather than than otherwise because that's where you're going to calibrate and you're going to figure it out And then you're going to get that natural feel for it eventually as you as you kind of misstep a little bit there's just like no shortcut to it because I can't Have my brain going to the the other guy's brain He has to feel it because it's an intuition type of thing and he has to be in that But so I have to push him to the point where he's going to get that experience because if he just sits there And he's like and I'm telling him when you see this the signal and then he's being the nice guy And he's never actually taken a shot He's never going to see it. He's not going to get the experience I'd rather have him like blow up a bunch of times doing the wrong thing going too far because now he's going to get calibrated Now he's actually going to get the intuition because he's going to he's going to feel that if that makes sense Yeah, it does it does and I mean it kind of goes back to if she's still talking to you you're good Exactly. Yeah Because she could get out of there, right? So yeah, oh, yeah So now we're in the time of pandemic and yeah And quarantine and self-isolation. So do you help guys with dating apps? Because now to me and I talked with another dating coach And he had said I'm I want a paraphrase him, but it's the like tinder and bumble It's the lowest barrier to entry is is what he had said and I think that's good And he kind of called it. Well, he got kind of he called it low hanging fruit And what are your thoughts on that? Yeah, I mean I have always been very against dating apps Like all of my coaching clients. I'm like, no do not do it at all. Just it's You're not learning how to be a man You need to learn how to be a man I'm trying to teach you how to be a man Not just how to get laid and maybe yeah, you can get laid on the data app But I'm trying to teach you how to be a man I mean you need to go and face your fears and fucking cold approach and learn how to actually talk to women And learn how to do these things But but with everything going on You know, I have realized that look it's really really difficult and probably not productive to try and go out And do cold approach right now. It's just I mean sure You could do it if you really want to but Let's not swim up against the the wrong way up the river when the river is going this way There's no point and so so I've had to like Kind of change my my stance for at least for now, right and and and help guys with dating apps and it's really I think, you know I don't like it again because it's super it just dating apps destroy guys' confidence. They really do And uh, and it's it's a shame because it's one dimension. It's just okay. Why because 90 because Okay Because the average guy is going to do horribly bad on a dating app, right if you're not in the top 5% of guys You know, you're going to really do port like you might not even get any matches for for days Or or very low quality matches Now it doesn't mean there's nothing that we can do about it But like in general without any training if you just average guy just jumps on a dating app He's competing with you know the top five like all these women are going to swipe on the top They have a very high standard for men that you know because they have access to those men so The key what I found is that like you have to Like if I pick pictures that I think are going to be my best pictures, they're not they're not because believe me I and I tested it. I use a site called photofieler Okay, and I was like, okay. What are my best pictures? And so I was like, oh, yeah Like the picture I showed you on instagram. It's like look at me with my six pack abs, right like shirtless Like that's got to be the best picture. I mean if you can't that's like a you know A magazine cover picture, right? Like that's got to be it, right? And then I've got you know, some other pictures, you know a couple other shirtless pictures Like if this one's good too and then and then you know a picture of me smiling eating some food and like you know what I mean and And you I use this app to rate them and it's not like the the shirtless, you know Six pack app picture does bad. It does good. You know, it does it does good But what beats it out surprisingly is the smiling picture of me eating food It's like, wow, that's insane Like you would not believe that it like because it you know, it rates it on attractiveness on on trustworthiness and intelligence and it's like You know, it actually outranks the attractiveness on the shirtless picture, but it destroys the trustworthy and intelligence, right? so So so what you have to do and also not not not not only that but it's selecting the right pictures, right? Which you need to actually do do some objective rating to figure that out, but it's also You know setting them up and and doing some tweaks to the pictures, right? Because again, I test those like, okay Well, what happens if I hire a professional photo? editor to To do some some minor edits minor like, you know brush ups and things on the photo and lighting and improve You know, uh, basically a photo retoucher. Okay, so I hire a photo retoucher And then I do the experiment again and Pam the photo retouching makes a huge difference A huge difference like you wouldn't believe how much of a difference So it's like these little tweaks and so if you do all these little tweaks and now you put your pictures on there And now you have the right pictures on there now all of a sudden your your results are going to be like 10x Okay, even the bio you can tweak the bio the bio doesn't even matter the pictures So you don't think that the bio makes a difference at all The bio is good for for setting up The conversation that you're going to have afterwards, right? When you connect because it gives you something interesting to to say, right? You know, if you say something like, you know, uh, I'm the guy your mom your mother warned you warned you about Right for something like that, right? Then if a girl matches you you can say hey Why I guess your mother didn't didn't uh, didn't warn you about me or you can make some kind of Comment about that and you've already moved into sexual direction Immediately, which is which is good. So you kind of use the bio for for something like that but You know and and again, you could look at the experiments. I mean the blackpill guys love to experiment on on uh Tinder and show how like a serial killer or like child For like in the bio it doesn't matter if the guys like got a perfect jaw line and six back abs And and to some degree, they're right, right girls aren't going to pay attention to that part When when matching, uh, you know, if you're if you're hot enough guys So that's why like the pictures are the most important thing, you know the bio the biggest thing is like just don't Make the bio something that's going to make you look like a nice guy. That's that's that's the biggest thing so yeah, I mean on mine that I've had I I've had other guys say can I use that like word for word and I'm like sure it tends to True Now I've had hate on that comeback, but I've also had so the bio to me was was kind of important You know and again, but to me the again the the online dating is just It's just something I think with this pandemic and you know all the bullshit that's going on It's probably an option for guys, but I'm glad you're evolving and telling guys what to do and researched it Now also I have another question in the manasphere Entrance to the manasphere For a lot of guys is trauma. Do you help guys deal with trauma? Whether it's a divorce, you know a breakup or whatever Yeah, yeah for sure. I mean and the biggest thing that I try to help them deal with trauma is this is because You have to have a strategy for preventing the trauma from happening or from affecting you, right? And that requires emotional mastery right men are not supposed to Let their emotions master them And so this is the biggest thing that I teach and and this is I think one of the problems that's that's wrong with With a lot of the dating advice and a lot of the guys and pick up and stuff No, no offense. I've got a lot of friends in there and you know, they give a great advice on getting late but Guys are afraid they think that alpha males don't fall in love And and here's the thing like the it's it's like a very blue pill concept like this idea of falling in love Or whatever do you having a connection? You know, just the pump and dump just pump it up. So here's the deal Okay, the problem is not The depth of emotion and falling in love. The problem is attachment See if you can be detached as a man Then you can experience a deep connection with a woman Even a moon the woman that you just met and you just spend one night with You can have a very deep connection with her If you're willing to let her go the next day because you don't have the attachment, right? So guys that don't learn to Let go or to to form non attachment what they do is instead they guard their themselves So they don't actually form deep connections and and so they live so they pick up girls They fuck this girl. They fuck that girl They feel nothing Okay, and they become numb and they're like, why isn't this actually work? Why don't I actually feel like like like I'm actually doing something and they keep on trying to get that feeling get that high Which they can't get because they're not developing a connection so So, you know coming back around full circle here what this comes down to is like I think the most important attribute that you can you can learn that I try to help guys with is non attachment Right is this ability is like I call it feel the pain keep on walking, right? That's where you say hey life is pain. That's okay. There's there's pain in life There's love in life. I want to feel the full spectrum of human emotion I don't now when I say feel it doesn't mean express, right? Because there's a big difference like mastering your motion as a man Means that you feel the things we're human we feel things But we don't let our emotions dictate our actions. And so I try to teach them Hey, look kind of a very stoic approach Stoicism is a lot of the bulldog mindset But this idea like okay. Look you feel these things you don't let Your feelings influence your actions But you also are able to detach in the sense that you're you're still feeling and experiencing life But you're willing to let anything go in life and that is you consider everything in life to be not yours It's borrowed right even the atoms that make up your body will eventually go to the ground They're not yours. They don't belong to you everything in your life will eventually disappear And when you have that sense and you understand that and you eternalize that You don't feel loss anymore because everything is borrowed. It's your it's your chance It's it's it's more of a feeling of gratitude and so You know that fixes the negative emotions and the traumatic experience because Every time we have a traumatic experience in life every negative emotion we we experience is always because of one thing It's an expectation that is not met and so Why do we have expectations on the world and other people it's really it's a ridiculous thing I can't control the weather. I can't control what other people do I can't control what a woman thinks or does or how she acts So having an expectation on her action is is a failure on my part So I have to let go of all those expectations expectations and when I let go of those expectations I'm not going to be sad or upset or disappointed or angry or any of those things because I don't have an expectation I'm just accepting reality as it is it might not go the way that I want it to and I might be Temporarily upset about it But I'm not going to be bitter and angry and feel like I got betrayed or stabbed in the back And now I have this ability to process These these things and and I'm protecting myself for the future So that's what I really try to help guys to do Rather than just dealing with that one issue that one rake up or are things like that because when you have that mindset Now you're kind of invincible and I want you to be invincible so that nothing can harm you Things may hurt you but they can't harm you because you you know pain is it is something that's unavoidable But suffering is always a choice and you don't have to suffer you only suffer when you fail to accept reality You know if you are willing to accept what has happened and and to fully say okay, it's okay Then you won't suffer you may experience pain, but you don't have to suffer Yeah, so so what you're saying is so that guy Who can be we'll call it indifference one foot out the door and not feel the pain But don't don't exclude yourself from actually enjoying parts of it also I mean I would imagine you know you coach guys in relationships also So so go ahead and enjoy that but if it ends be able to walk I mean that seems to be what you're saying. Yeah, so yeah, well, that's like having a butterfly Yeah, yeah, that's really cool. So also you're going to be speaking at the 21 convention So Do you have anything planned and I mean are you what is your Let's let's put it this way. What is your? What is your focus of your speech going to be? That's a good question. I've been thinking about this. I I'm not sure yet. I feel like it's going to come to me I've got a couple of ideas like what I just told you about like the like opening yourself and actually loving as an alpha male I I think that that's one possibility because I feel like it's not said and and it's in guys shy away from that Because they don't understand attachment. So I think that could be a potential You know, I've told with that idea of just you know The default would be to just talk about what is the bulldog mindset and how to develop the bulldog mindset You know, and then yeah, I think there's there's a few other kind of elements that that that I'm considering but I kind of want to feel like what what is what is the thing that's that's kind of Being pressed upon me to to share The most and uh, yeah, probably in the next week or two. I'll probably figure that out. So Okay. Yeah, you're sharing the stage with some big headers and I yeah I think you've met Elliott Hulse Before I'm sure. Yeah, we're perfect. Yeah. Have you met any other guys? Okay, any of the other guys have you met in person? I'm trying to think I don't I don't think so Let's see who else will be up there that I Uh, yeah, I don't think so. I think Elliott Hulse might be the only one that that I've met in person I've talked to jack dawn of it a lot before but um, but he's not I guess he's not speaking this year though He's gonna just gonna be there. That's what I heard. So Yeah, he might be doing a work Job, okay, that's something like that. I think Anthony is kind of pushing toward that. So Jesse Lee Peterson. Oh, okay. Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah, I love Jesse. I can't wait to meet him myself. I listen to him quite frequently So and yeah, but that's awesome. I'm you know, I'm excited. I'm I'm excited to meet you I'm excited for this 21, which I think is going to be phenomenal I mean the lineup is great just the amount of speakers And I think you're really going to be impressed with the way everything is run And I think you're a great addition to the 21 team and the 21 speaker roster You know, I think it's going to be really good. I was excited when I heard heard you were coming I think that's a that's a great step for you and a great step for especially for the guys that you're going to reach out to And to me, that's the end goal of what you do and what a lot of guys weather You know a lot of guys clash heads in the whole atmosphere. Let's face it Yeah, you know the the end goal to me is what's most important I I don't get involved in any of the drama crap But the end goal to me is is is helping men Becoming a better version of yourself. I don't care if you're 17 or 67 I think that's the most important thing the best you can be You know, so but yeah, I appreciate your Time john And I a lot of guys are going to get some value out of this talk And I look forward to meeting you here in about a month Yeah, yeah, thank you, tony. Yeah, and I just going to say any last words I'm Oh, yeah so It's kind of chopping up a little bit. But but yeah, I mean I'm in total agreement with you as far as The drama and and whatnot I don't want to get involved in any of those things and in my goal is to help men And so, you know, actually when I took the the invite to speak here Some people were upset with me some guys that I know that are in the man's sphere And then a lot of my audience was upset with me and uh, you know, the thing is like I don't have a faction. I don't have a side I don't belong like I belong to me And in my mission to help men and I think that you know, it doesn't matter who you are and I extend this invitation You know just because this is going public To to any man out there regardless if you're migtau or blackpillar or any kind of whatever it doesn't matter what you are You know, you you come to san diego. You want to get a beer. I'll have a beer with you I got I got no animosity towards anyone I just want to help men as much as possible And you know, I'm going to attack ideas that I feel are destructive towards men But it's not a personal thing, right? I want to see all men Succeed and to live better lives and I think that you do too and and then that's the thing That's really impressed me so far with the guys that I've talked to at the 21 convention after talking to Steve Williams and and your brother George and and yourself. It's like I see the spirit of hey, we're not here to fight We're not here to call names. We don't have any bitterness within our hearts, right? We're not angry at women We just want to help men and help them as much as possible. And so I I really appreciate that again too many facts Things of the man of spear are constantly Punching back and forth and so many friggin labels whether it be blackpill blue pill. Well, he's blue pill Well, you know, he's not blue. He's purple pill. Well, he's not a purple pill. He's a migtail You know, and it's like, all right. Well, which label which label are you going to throw on this guy? You know, so it gets a little tiresome, you know, but it does again the end goal is to help men And I think if everybody tends to you know, look toward that end goal And you know knock off the knocking this guy knocking that guy I think we're all going to be better off You know, I agree and I think you're on the same I think you're on the same page for sure John, how can everybody find you? Our best place is just go to bulldog mindset.com And then when you go there, you will see a little pop up that asks if you want to take the bulldog quiz Say yes, because you want to take the quiz because you want to see what your score is I'll give you a score from zero to 100 ask a think about 10 questions on everything from relationship to finance the fitness And and then if you need to help raising your score, I'll send you some emails and send you some information Some youtube videos and stuff like that. So, uh, you'll you'll get into my world if you take the quiz, so Okay, that sounds great, man John, I appreciate your time and I will see you in october. Thanks for coming on and have a good evening. Thanks Thanks a ton