 Great sex to me is when the experience is so memorable and so enticing that you can be not with her at any given time, you can be on a train or on a plane or somewhere and just think about that experience and it can get you to damn near come. Good sex is when time collapses when you're just in a different world. It's having that connection knowing that the only focus on the other person's mind is me and them in this moment. An explosive reaction of all senses. I want to please you and really take my time and take your time to please me. Foreplay. Don't skip the foreplay. That's a big department. It's like any art. The drama is necessary. So yeah, and oh, toys are welcome. Oh hey there lovers and friends. This video is sponsored by lovers. Who is now my friend because this is part two in a collaboration series that I'm doing with them. First up we did women and today we are doing cisgendered men. Lovers is the perfect partner for this because for nearly 40 years they have been working to empower and inspire people into having incredible sexual experiences on their terms. Now they are an adult store that has a range of products that I'm going to read off because it's lengthy, condoms, lubricants, lingerie, hosiery, dildos, vibrators, anal stimulators, massagers, masturbators, penis rings, penis pumps, strap-ons, gender affirmation products, sex swings and other furniture, a range of kink products, massage oils, CBD books, games, and here's the kicker. And even more than that. So if you guys are interested in learning more about them and you already know what you want to get, go into the info box right now to redeem a 20% offer just specially from me to you. But if you need some inspiration and you came here for some education, you've come to the right place. These men got raw, got real, and I was really inspired by their vulnerability. And in the spirit of that, I had to ask a really important question. Why are dialogues like this specifically with men so damn rare? I think men don't speak to each other about sex as comfortable, or as comfortable as women are. Women are like, yeah. So I set the room to 68. It was very crass. Right, right, right. You know what I mean? It's very detailed. It's more shared. It's like I came out and saw a comment. I like to talk about sex a lot, especially with my friends. I guess it's different for gay men. Well, that's a fact. It was really easy to get here. You took no convincing. Yeah, I was like, all right. Down. Everybody else gave me the like, okay, so what's this video about folks? And then after they agreed, they called again for follow-up questions. I'll make sure. I think it might be, maybe it's a paranoia, like if we speak, then we're never going to get sex again. I think straightening me, we're scaring the shit out of the girls and we're never going to get it. See, I think talking about sex between guys is typically very like braggadocious. It's just to say like, oh, I did this, but when you talk about like the details of sex, that's way more intimate. Yeah. And like that intimacy, most men, I find, get weird out even talking about like the specifics of how a girl touched their top. Yeah. Like you mentioned those details and everyone's just like, oh, I must be gay because I remember these details. So how do you learn about new techniques, new things, new methods of orgasm, new methods of finding pleasure? If you're not having a focus group amongst yourself to talk about your bodies in the different ways, you can find pleasure out of them. How do you discover new things? I think it comes out like a joke. I mean, my friends and I always talk about oral sex, like, you know, getting ahead from a girl and, you know, it was always kind of like a joke. We started out talking about like getting the twister blister or getting the Olive Garden, getting the pepper grinder, you know, and it's like, it's a joke, but it's like, we're actually talking about something that's very pleasurable for us, you know, and it's like, we can't really, I think maybe us, we're like, that's our way of like saying like, yeah, that's the best way to get oral sex. So after we got that out of the way, now it's time for the fun stuff. Orgasm, what's been your worst, your best, and your go-to? I want communication in the bedroom, you know, because again, if I get them off and they've enjoyed every moment of it, then that would make my orgasm a lot better because I've had terrible sexual experiences that, okay, I was looking up this one guy and then he was just like, are you close? And immediately, that question took away from me. Yeah, and he was like, wait, am I supposed to be? And I went into this whole like panic in my head, and then it got in performance anxiety and I was like, that's it, it's gone. If you want all five senses to be in the moment, like all five, like, I want to hear you, I want to feel you taste you, like, all of your senses are just like lit up, and like, even with what he just said, like, we're not rushing to get there, like, when you can like really, what I've learned even with myself is like breathing is a lot to do with it, because you find yourself like holding it like a lot of times because of what you're doing. So if you actually relax and breathe, you kind of center yourself and fall into the moment that you're in, and like it makes it so much better and it lasts longer, and so I think if you can somehow incorporate all five senses, and I want to hear you, like, I think even with like masturbating, I've learned like, I don't even have to visually see it or think it like I could be listening to it. Do you guys believe in foreplay? What are your thoughts on foreplay? Of course, foreplay is amazing. I've learned, and if you're having, to me, like kissing and slowly taking your clothes off and like touching and all of this, because if you can have amazing foreplay for whatever 20, 30 minutes before sex, your sex is now that much greater, I think. Yeah, for sure. And it's like exploring each other's bodies. It's a very intimate act, and, you know, the best way to get to know someone is through having sex. And this might be a special group, though, because I talked to a lot of dudes who are like, I do it kind of like how I give a birthday hand job, like I'm supposed to, or like the dream has a solid, I could give a fuck about the foreplay. It's all about sex. And if you want to see my sex, you do foreplay because like I found I think girls get a little nastier after they have their first orgasm, you know, so even if they have any kind of reservation prior to that, like, oh, I don't want you to see my body or I'm going to keep my shirt on or, you know, Winnie the Pooh style. Like whatever it might be, like after you make the orgasm, I think there's a comfortability shirt on DuckTales, whatever it may be. There's a comfortability that they feel like girls grow and they they're down to whatever after that. For the point, I don't know, I'm feeling it. Foreplay is special. I think it gets lost. Like people lose it now. It's just like, like, don't rush to like get there. Like I want to take your clothes off, take my clothes. Like I want to explore, like something very sexy about undressing each other, kissing and stuff like that. But also like going back to your point earlier, like what makes a great orgasm, this is it. Like it's part of the show. If you're watching theater, the ritual, and you just see the main number, it's going to be like, okay, that was not money. Is there like a physical recipe? Like I like my balls pulled or hell. I also like pressure on the minds area. See, I feel like it's the opposite for guys. Well, at least for me, like for women, it might be here. But for me, it's like right under the balls. If you hold it right there, right before you, like it's that right there. It's explosive. Just piggyback on that. Like the more my entire cock and balls, the whole area, can get involved, like the way more intense it is. Cause most of the time it's just the focus on like the dick itself, or even it's like the head. It's like, but I have a whole like organ down here that loves feeling like anything. So the more I can feel, the more intense it gets. It depends. I mean, you can get me up a lot of ways. Nipple play is one of them. You can come from just Nipple play. Shut the fuck up. Yeah. Oh, you too. Without, I'm without touching myself. So that's talent. That's talent. I was like, we, totally. I've seen people coming through like kegels. Yeah. So, you know, whatever gets you off, gets you off. So when you get a Nipple orgasm, do you ejaculate? Is there such thing as a bad orgasm? Yeah. Bad way to get there, not a bad orgasm. I've had like underwhelming orgasms. Yeah. Like, you know, it's just like, it's like, it happens. But you're like, oh, like I've tried to prevent orgasm and not been able to actually stop it. And then the actual orgasm is like this really sad thing. I know it's a half way to stop it. Yeah. It's like, oh, damn, I didn't want that to happen yet. So you like don't indulge the feeling. They didn't fully commit to it. Yeah. But orgasm is like, no, I'm still coming through. You're not going to stop it. Right. Yeah. I was like, am I early? Oh, sorry, I'll come back at six. When you say there's a bad way to get there, what does that mean? I mean, I've had sex one time in particular and I didn't want to. And so it almost felt like I was doing it to appease her, like to appease her. You know what I'm saying? So like, it's not that I don't like you or I didn't care. I just, I was kind of over all relationship and over where we were. And then you jump on top of me and start doing this like that. Yeah. You seem like there's like an emotional disconnect there. Right. Physically I still worked, but I was kind of like, and then when I was done, I was like, I really didn't want to do that, but okay. Over 75% of men achieve orgasm regularly during sex and that is in large part due to the fact that the penis is usually the main event. And while that is wonderful, there's also a darker side to that because of the fact that penis takes up so much attention and there is so much focal point on that in the media and how we learn about sex. Men don't often get encouraged to discover other parts of their body. Other erogenous zones. So I asked this group outside of their penis, where else brings them pleasure? That is one of my main goals in 2019. Do tell. No, as a gay man, I love talking and that's usually my go-to position in sex. And I want to like bottom me. So it's one of those things that like, I do like butt stuff and other things. Like I like nipple play and all this. I think life is so long. You can't do the same thing forever. So even whether you're spending it with one partner or you want to be single and do it with many, like you're bound to want to explore more things. Yeah, and I think there's like this big stigma around like any butthole pleasures with guys, straight guys in particular being like, oh, are you sure you're not gay? If you like it, your butt being touched? But now I'm just like, well, I have explored that and I am so willing to talk to any guy about it. Cause it's like, look, it's a whole new world. That we didn't know about. No pun intended. Look, you're missing out on it, you're not playing it. But you see that in shows and movies where like the doctors will stick her finger up a guy's butt. His climax is like, you four. Yeah, I think that for those, for straight men who don't know anything about the leather region or the other region, I think you're being ignorant, honestly. I think you got to experience life. I mean, sex to me is like food. I mean, some people like their food to touch. Some people like their food separated. Some people like bitter melons, some people don't. And I feel like there's so many varieties of food that will bring you joy and pleasure and it's the same thing with sex. What's so fascinating about that is that in many ways what we're saying is you need to get permission to explore your own body. Whether it's societal permission or permission from your partner. And I hate that. Like five years ago, you would have never heard me talk about my butthole at all. It's a comfort thing. And it's also like a masculine feminine thing in society. Like people, like you're not gonna sit in a group of your homies or friends if you're not comfortable with me like, yo, yeah, like I let this happen in my butt or like whatever, whatever. Because then everybody turns and looks at you like, are you gay or you this or you that? Like it's a big thing. So then people keep hush and either they're not gonna try it and stay in this lane so that they can meet the comfort of everybody else or you're gonna step outside and be a little uncomfortable and either keep yourself or share it. So I think it's... That's gonna be so weird to me. Like it's so funny. Have you guys ever found a pleasure from like cleaning your ears out? Like Q-tips? Oh yeah. Like sexual pleasure? Yeah. Like almost like, like it's like, I mean, not like it's like, I don't know, I found like sometimes I'm sitting, I'm cleaning my ears. I'm like, shit, like if I really focus, I think I could like kind of get aroused in a way, you know? Like it feels that good sometimes. And I'm like, yo, like there's some, like somewhere there's a nerve that is directly from my ear to my bit, like easily. Yeah, but that's like, I don't know. You're wasting your ear. You're wasting your ear. You know what's funny is I actually talked about Q-tips on this show once. Everyone was like, what, what? Because I am a big fan of combining sensations, right? Like, because if you're cleaning out your own ear with a Q-tip and you're getting ahead at the same time. Oh my God, you just blew my mind. Wow. I got some fucking things to do. Yeah. What are some unexpected places, methods, techniques, ways that you have found pleasure? You don't have to try and top the Q-tip story. I mean. Right, that's pretty hard to come out of. I really like it when I'm having, making out or having sex at all and someone just like pulls my hair, like not to like gank me somewhere, but just to like grab it like it's, it adds to everything else and just makes it so much better. Yeah, I guess so those little tiny sensations like nipple play or like getting hit while you're being nipple played is really sensational. Oh, having somebody else jagged me on. That was new for me because I'm very much in like being in control. Yeah. So that was like insane because I just, it actually was like a better moment because I remember my feet almost like curling. Were they like an aficionado because I've heard a lot of men say they hate getting handjobs because they're a pro. Like they know what to do so perfectly. Yeah, so when someone else is down there, you're like. We know, you know, we know when, when like you're like trying to just, oh God, it's his birthday. Let me jack him off real quick. Or it's like, you know, I want to really, I want to pleasure him right now. You know? I heard somebody say the other day you can tell how much somebody cares about you about how they give you head or your hand job because guy or girl, whatever, how they give you head will let you know how they feel about you because when you don't, when they don't care, like it's very, I'm doing it because it's part of the sexual act versus like I'm about to please my man. Like it's very- I was crazy about that so true because I was in a serious relationship and this girl would just not let me give her head. So sex toys and men have a very complex relationship. From what I've gathered, either they're very comfortable and well-versed or they don't want to talk or touch them at all. And that has to change because not only does it affect them and their opportunities to experience pleasure, but in many cases, it can affect their partner as well. So I thought the best way for us to really get to the root of why this wall is there is to talk about it. So I asked this group of men, what are their true feelings, like true feelings about sex toys in the bedroom? Yes, I do like using toys. Well, at least for gay sex, I feel like it's like a precursor. It's part of the whole thing. Like they get prepped out and then loosened up and then I'm the main event. You're kind of like, you know. What are your goals is? There's like little plugs and stuff, pillows usually. Yeah. But I haven't done nipple clumps and stuff. Wish I really wanted that. You definitely should. There's actually one that's a pump and it sucks, it sucks into your nipple in and to which your nipple gets like that much into it. So I have like a vibrating plug that I used with someone last year and like, well, just like using it on her and then getting to experience it myself at the same time was, it was like another mind blowing thing. I was just like, what? This is why they're called toys. Yeah. Like before I never thought like we're playing with them together and like the same thing. Cause I always have like thought of toys basically unless it's like a flashlight to be girls things. Yeah. Right? So but like I just this week bought my current girlfriend a vibrator. Cause I was like, no, I want to have fun playing with her with this toy. Yeah. And if it happens to slide back on the gooch it's so weird. I want to be it. Wow. I actually give one of my straight friends a vibrator. The little thing for your, it goes into your asshole and also has like a little nub to give you your speech. Yeah. That'd be awesome. And it just vibrates. And I was like, you're welcome. Why is there such a stigma around toys and male sexual play? I think most guys only know of like flesh life. Yeah. I don't think that it's something. Have you even tried flesh life before? Oh yeah. But I tried flesh life. I tried vibrating flesh life. I just treated it as like, this is not something that I use. You know what I mean? I always see like toys or just like, like even, even though this is for men, I'm like, no, I'm not that type of dude. Yeah. I'm not like, I can still get girls. Like I've always felt like toys like man, like the mannequins and the blocks or someone that can't get like a partner. You know what I'm saying? I totally second that. I've had that like narrative play through my head. Like there was so many times where I like, wanted to buy a toy. I was like, no. Then I'm like more pathetic than I am for masturbating more. Like with it. Like I do it and like that would be like, now I have a toy. You're like, look at you. Look at you. Yeah. Oh yeah, totally. But that was like something I told myself. And now it's just like, I can't believe I felt that way. But like, it's nice to know other people felt that way too. At least thought. No, because that's how you're programmed. There's a chain attached to sex. I think it's pretty apparent that this is a really special self-aware group of men. And given the society that we currently exist in, I can only assume that their path to becoming the person they are today wasn't a linear or simple one. So I asked them, if you could go back in time and give yourself when you were 12 years old or 20 years old, some straight up advice about sex in your body, what would you say? I think you're younger. You're agile. Like you're able to like do all these things. So I would tell my definitely like, explore more. Like it's not just what you are taught in books or your mom and dad tell you, or you know, even what you watch on porn, like there's so much. Because you restrict yourself. You watch a certain type of porn. You come from a certain family and people tell you to do this and do that. So like, you're already in a box, but if you choose to step outside of that, I think there's so, like even hearing some of this stuff, it's like, damn, I gotta try that later. If I could tell myself something, you'd be, there's no shame in sex. There's no shame in pleasure in yourself. And you shouldn't feel ashamed of your body and what makes you feel good. That's it. And then what he said, explore. Yeah, I used to think just, I would tell myself be comfortable because there's nothing to worry about. Like if you're with someone and they don't take what you think or feel into consideration, then they're not the person for you. And it's not nothing to do with you, right? But I've never even had someone go, or like if I tell them a preference or something like, no one's been like, hell no, I'm not into that. Everyone's so accommodating. And it's like, I mean, I'm there for them and they're there for me. Like, what else are we gonna do? And I think before I just didn't have that same like mentality, I was like, no, like it's, I have to please them otherwise they're gonna go fuck some other guys. I would say like, don't go into it even thinking like, I'm supposed to have sex right now. Just have a sexual experience. And it turns into sex, cool. If it doesn't turn into sex, that's all right too. Because I think when I was younger, I set expectations like, okay, we're all alone. We're by ourselves, no parents. We're supposed to have sex right now. You know what I mean? And you go into that, like thinking the whole time, like, all right, this is the first thing I'm supposed to do. This is the second thing I'm supposed to do. You know, you have this list. And I think you can't like, you can't admit to yourself like, hey, let's just please each other right now. You know, it's like this, it's a masculinity thing, I think, you know, like I'm supposed to supposed to make her fucking come six times and then give her so much dick that she can't even walk tomorrow. Yeah, yeah. No, but it's also like, you know, that junior high school age where you're like, you're a boy becoming a man and then, you know, vis-a-vis a man in a man, it's a man masculine world. But like, I feel like we're increasingly becoming more high school. Like the whole world became a cafeteria, especially Instagram and internet. Like we're all like, oh, it's supposed to pop their kids. You know, so now we have to fall in line. It's like, it's bullshit. They don't need to do anything. Just be you and just be brave, you know? Game it? Yeah. Did you say game it? Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna be honest with you guys. This is the most fun I've had shooting a video in a very long time. That's largely in parts of the fact that the dudes in this video, I actually consider friends. As I said in the beginning, I had a really hard time casting this. So I had to go through my phone and find men that I knew were comfortable having these discussions in private with me and I prayed that they would do it justice in public and I really think that they did. So shout out to my homies in the info box below. You can find some of their socials and of course in the info box you can find more information on the sponsor of this video which is Lovers and a link to their website and then more information on how to utilize that promo code so that you can get your sex toy kit started or you can get it boosted up wherever you're at. They definitely have something for you but I'm glad that you were here on this video for me and for these men but your job ain't done. You know in the comments section that's everyone's favorite part of any video especially if this is a discussion that you haven't heard before. I wanna hear what you thought about it and if you are a man watching this video, chime in. You know, how do you experience pleasure? What are some unique ways that you have found pleasure and what are some taboos you've had to overcome or still working to overcome? It's a lot of questions. I'll put them in the info box too. All right. All right. Yeah, I used to think about you when I had no one to talk to. Had a bougie kind of silly in wax. Yeah, I put that surprise in.