 The following is a clip from my popular YouTube livestreams answering your questions. If you're brand new to my channel, don't forget to hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if any time this video resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Really quickly, my coaching is what I call heart-centered radical honesty. It's direct, a little tough love, and a lot of heart. And occasionally I use expletives to enhance the sentence. So if an F-bomb or two isn't your cup of tea, I suggest logging off right now. Lastly, these are my thoughts, my perceptions, my opinions. By no means do I suggest this is the truth. You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a bit of a contrarian, so my advice goes contrary to public opinion and traditional expectations. All right, take it away, Jonathan! A man might be scared to be in a relationship. So, you know, before I jump into this, there was something that came up that I wanted to share with everyone. And it was a post I read on my channel where someone, a woman was stating how men seem to be very needy these days in relationship. They tend to be very needy and requiring a lot of communication, a lot of connection, a lot of validation. So this is, I've heard, and this isn't the first time I've heard this. I've heard this many a time from women that they've noticed this propensity of men being a little bit more needy than, say, those alpha males, those bad boys that are in control, they've got good social skills, and they've just noticed that it seems like there's less of those types of men and there tend to be more men who are needy. Now, sadly, a lot of coaches characterize this neediness as feminine energy. And while I don't like characterizing it from the premise of a gender, per se, because I think it's, you know, neediness actually comes from fear, I'm just suggesting that this gets discussed a lot. And I think, by the way, and this is true for women as well, I think neediness is something that we are all experiencing to some degree. Because as I shared in a previous live stream, and this relates to a podcast I was listening to the other day, that we are experiencing what's known as an intimacy famine, an intimacy famine. And what that means, when we think of intimacy, I always refer it to, into me, you see, into me, you see, in other words, you can see me, you can really see who I am, warts and all, like the good, the bad, the ugly, and you, and really what I also think intimacy is really about accepting a person warts and all. And sadly, and I do believe the pandemic, the shutdowns amplified this desire that humans are desperately wanting connection, they want connection with other human beings. And, and I know this is confusing to a lot of women, because that desire for connection oftentimes makes men come on stronger than they wouldn't otherwise do. Because certainly men are driven biologically to, to conquer and hunt and, and, and to have sex with a woman. That's why I'm so tired of the rhetoric when you're, when you're listening to those coaches that men are natural hunters, and that they want to claim you and all you have to do is sit back and do nothing and just let them do all the work. Well, is that really a good strategy? If you allow that to happen, but he's only really seeking a sexual connection with you, is that a good strategy to operate from that place? I don't think it's a good strategy. I think it's a terrible strategy. And this is why I mock it so often. And I'm here today's, today's broadcast is really going to go into the deeper emotional challenges both men and women, both are experiencing these days. And I think it's important to recognize that there is this intimacy famine going on. And what's happening is men and women alike are seeking connection. They're seeking a bit of companionship. They're seeking physical connection from a sexual perspective. And yet many people aren't able to cross over into that area of commitment to cross over into the emotional responsibility to be in a relationship. Emotional responsibility to be in a relationship. Yes, emotional responsibility, that ability to take on someone else's emotions, but not just taken on, but also genuinely care for someone else's emotions. I want you to think about this for a moment. Probably the most important thing amongst many in a relationship, but I would say it's really should be the top of the list is trust. I know some people think it's chemistry. I look at women's dating profiles. I have to have chemistry. I have to have chemistry. I have to have chemistry. I have to have chemistry. Well, you're hyper focusing on chemistry without really understanding what's required in a relationship is something greater. And that's trust. And what I mean by trust is, does this person care about my feelings as much as I care about my own feelings? In other words, are they going to look out for my best interest? That's trust. That's real trust. And I think when I said earlier, that takes a level of emotional responsibility, not physical responsibility. I mean, sure, men can give you, you know, some men can not all, but give you, you know, the trade-off is they get to ejaculate in you and you get to orgasm if they're good at, you know, their oral skills or their manipulation skills or their penal skills, whatever. Because for a lot of men, the trade-off is I got to come inside you and I make you come, so it's an equal exchange. Okay. In fact, this is one of the reasons why men think a lot of men think they're good lovers if they give a woman an orgasm, but that's only one piece of the equation. What humans are thirsty for is at least, and I can only speak for my female clientele, is can I trust this person? And I don't mean trust from a place of fidelity. You know, I'm talking about, does this person genuinely care about my feelings? This is why ladies, I say this over and over again. It takes about a hundred hours of face-to-face time just to get to level one of trust, just to get to level one of trust. And most of you are operating from this premise of, you know, the man is romantic and, you know, he'll just, he's going to make me feel so good and I'll just open up my vagina to a guy and I've only known him for three dates. Can you, can trust be built in three dates? I don't think so. And if you follow my work, you know, I'm going to say this, I'm going to, I say it over and over again, before the penis goes inside the vagina, you should be reading the book Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman. Why? These are eight separate conversations to determine if you guys are compatible with one another. Can you really work together as a team? Well, and when I mean by work together team, let me reframe that. Are you really compatible with one another to actually become a team at a later date? But Jonathan, all the dating coaches tell me to not interview a guy and don't put any pressure and just go with the flow because the men just naturally know what they're doing. As men age, they're fucking clueless. You know, it's interesting for the 20 and 30 year old guy who's on the hunt for a wife, he's thinking intentionality. He wants the mommy of his children. He is vetting you from that perspective. Take the over 40 crowd, the predominantly divorce crowd. They have no fucking clue what they want. They want to spend time with someone. I'm not saying all a big percentage. They want someone where they can have companionship connection at sex at their beck and call, but it doesn't mean that they want to grow with someone. So how are you going to determine ladies before you have sex? Ask better questions. And I'm here to say, by the way, if you need help with that, check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. My whole area of expertise is teaching out a pre-qualify that your prospect. But Jonathan, I'm not supposed to do those things. You don't have time to fuck around. And worse, you don't have time to have sex with the wrong person and find out six to eight weeks later. Stop buying into the traditional narratives that have been sold out there and start taking charge of your relationship destiny. Don't leave it up to the guy. By the way, why is the number one search term for women? Men are commitment phobic. Why do men goes? Why do men disappear? Why do men ignore women? We're going to talk about that in a moment. There's a reason for it. But by the way, if there's a reason for it, then maybe you should be thinking, you know what? Maybe I should wait before I have sex with someone. Maybe I should really get to know this person at a deeper level to build trust in the relationship before you give your heart to a man. It's my invitation for you. So coming back to this neediness, the way I started this conversation, it's just I've noticed this for men and women alike. And I think we are in unique times, unlike ever before. And I think part of the problem is we no longer live in tribes. We no longer live in villages where we feel surrounded by people who genuinely love us. And because of those people that surround and genuinely love us, we didn't have to put so much pressure on one person filling all our needs. In fact, here in the United States, we are suckling on the nipple of I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. Folks, if you follow my work, you know, I'm a big proponent of loving yourself first. This is why I wrote my book. What the heck is self love anyway? A journey of, by the way, plug for my book. There's a link below, a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. So you're not dependent on someone needing to love you so you can feel good about yourself because that's what love would do. And that's how love would respond for yourself, to put that loving energy for yourself and to heal that little child inside of you that's hurting, that doesn't need mommy or daddy to love you anymore for you to love yourself. And this is true of men and women alike. And I invite you all to lean into that little child inside of you and allow that little child, allow the adult in you to nurture that little child, to love on that little child so you don't need it from a man. And then you can approach a relationship from a more empowered sense instead of the bullshit masculine and feminine rhetoric. You guys know how I feel about that. So again, my invitation for you all is take charge of your relationship destiny, don't give it up to a man.