 A very good morning to you. Thank you so much for being part of this morning show. My name is Ram Agucco. It is a pleasure being with you on this particular Thursday morning. Now this is Power Talk. And as always, it is a pleasure being with you. We are coming to you live from the broadcasting house here in Nairobi, Kenya, where we are also streaming live through our website that's at www.kabc.co.ke4-y254. Engage with us. We value your feedback. Let us know where you're watching us from. And of course, I shall stamp your feedback a bit later on during this morning conversation. Today, why do men cheat? That's a question many people want to find out. Why do men cheat? People cheat for so many reasons. Women cheat for their own, for their specific reasons. But specifically, why do men cheat? I wonder. When women say that, you know, some call men different names. Some say men are dogs, men are cheats, men are blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Why do you think men do that? Is it their ego? Is it money? Is it all about emotional attachments? What is the problem? The hashtag is Power Talk Show at Ram Agucco. And at Y254Challenge is where you can be able to engage with us. Let us know what you think about this. Are you a woman? Have you ever been cheated on? Are you a man? Have you ever cheated? Some feel proud of it. Some don't. Well, today, let's talk about this particular conversation right here on Power Talk. And to my extreme right, I am with none other than M.C. Eddy, also known as Papa Eddy. Papa Eddy. He's a corporate emcee and an actor. I'm good, I'm good. And of course, next to me, I'm with Sam Wafula. He is a pastor and a consultant. And of course, I cancel. How are you? Doing well. Both of you are looking fresh. Thank you. I hope you are not cheating on somebody. I hope you guys... You know they say the silent ones are the ones that kill. Silent killers. Remember, I repeat of this show airs again tonight and every Thursday at 10 p.m. So ensure that you catch us live again every Thursday from 11. And of course, I repeat at 10 p.m. Power Talk starts now. Let me start with you, Eddy. Why do men cheat? First of all, let me make it clear. You know, when you ask me why do men cheat, it looks like, come on, I'm the best cheater in the world. So first of all, disclaimer. Are you? I'm not a cheater. Are you? I'm not a cheater. Have you ever cheated? I don't think so. I've never cheated. Okay. Don't make me put that smile on the face. But anyway, first things first, men don't cheat. Okay. Men don't cheat. I can say just a matter of emotions and egos and maybe a change of taste sometimes. You know, everybody wants something for themselves. Everybody is selfish. Everybody wants something better for themselves. So it's not about you going for what you want. No. It's about you being selfish for what you want. So before even thinking of cheating, okay, let me say cheating. First of all, you must think about yourself. I always say, one of my naturalists used to tell me, everybody is selfish. Even Jesus was selfish. That's why he went back to heaven. That's a very wrong kind of religion. Okay. That was my lecture I was saying that. But anyway, everybody wants something nice for themselves. You don't make it in Amutu for a very long time and maybe it gets to a point you feel like you need to change something that is not favoring you. So at that point is where you start shifting your attachment and shifting your emotions from that place. So at the end of the day, maybe with a shiku and then people say that you cheated. No, you didn't cheat. It's only that you saw something better and you are trying to transit from that something that you are in to something better. You saw something better. Yeah. Okay. Sam, you're opening rocks. Why do men cheat? I think as a teacher, we are taught to begin from the known to the unknown. So we begin with what is very obvious. That men are adventurous in nature. Men always want to discover something new. Every time. It is rare to find a man that is contented with what he has. So men cheat because they feel there is something better than what they want. That is why they cheat. So they are adventurous in nature. So unlike Eddie, I'd actually say men cheat. Most men cheat. Yeah. Looking for something better. Looking for something better. Most. Let me repeat that. Most men cheat. Most men cheat. Do you agree from home that most men cheat? Who looks like a cheater? Who looks like a cheater? They say people who don't suits. I'm not talking about you two guys. But people who don't suits in Nairobi better be very careful. That's a fallacy. That's a fallacy. Let me just tell you. Let's use a better example. I want to use our parliament. I want to use our parliament. The main uniform is what color? It is what? The parliament blue suit. And that is the most corrupt place in this country. So what am I saying? What are you trying to say? That men who don't suits. It is connected with suits. Let us give different examples. Of course cheating is categorized in different ways by different people. Let's first of all find out what cheating is. Because what some men do is they do whatever they're doing but they don't consider it as cheating. They say, you know what, I did it but I don't think that was cheating. What is cheating according to the perspective of some are fuller. Before I come to you. What is cheating? Simply being unfaithful. Having a romantic or a sexual relationship with someone else that is not your significant other. Having a romantic relationship with someone else. Yes. That is cheating. All right. What is cheating according to you? I would like to disagree with some with cheating. Okay. There are some instances where polygamist men get second wives. No. So we won't consider that cheating because they are having a relationship with a significant other at the same time. Okay. Like for example, Muslims, they can have a second wife and it's not questionable to the society because their religion allows so. So according to me cheating, according to me cheating I would say cheating is just basically not being faithful. That is in simple terms. Let's just make it not being faithful. And how do you categorize unfaithfulness? Lack of commitment. You see, once you get into a relationship with another person, that means you've sacrificed every other person. Let me give you an example. Every other lady that you deemed beautiful or attracted to, so you now start getting committed to one person. So the minute you fail in that commitment bit, then that is cheating to me. Do you see... He has added something more to that. Do you agree with what has been added as a definition of cheating? They are men that are not committed. But they are not seeing someone else. Okay. So you can't call that cheating. They are not committed. They are men that are simply not committed. But that one doesn't mean that they are cheating. They are cheating. They are seeing someone else. The problem with them is lack of commitment. Not that they are committed elsewhere. So what are they doing? What are they doing? In simple terms, such a man is irresponsible. So lack of having a sense of responsibility to your woman, not taking care of them. They are just not committed. But cheating now, cheating is having an affair outside. An affair different from what you are having with your significant other, with your spouse or your partner. That is what we call cheating. Yes. According to me. Interesting perspective. I would like all the men to talk to me. All the men to talk to me. Have you ever been accused of cheating but you don't feel like you cheated? That's a very interesting perspective. When you say someone can be just not committed but it doesn't mean that they are cheating. It is not a reflection that they are cheating. For example, someone is not spending time with you. Doesn't mean that they are cheating because it is not being committed. They might not be spending time with you because maybe they are held at their workplace. They have some other commitments. That doesn't mean they are cheating on you. Your response to that? Before I respond to that, I want us to make something clear. It is a cliché that people use. When you say men cheat, whom are they cheating with? Are they cheating with fellow men or are they cheating with women? That brings us to everybody cheats. Are you bringing that sort of LGBT? No. Or just men, male friends. I am just on male friends and female friends. That is where I am. I don't want to go to the other side. We are talking about straight people. These people cheat with the opposite gender. They don't cheat with the same gender according to me. I want to tell you that if these two people are not committed to each other, if my woman is not committed to me, I will sense that bit of lack of commitment from her side. From this perspective, I will start drawing away. If I find somebody else who is not fit whatever I want at that moment, then where to go? That is how you lose me. We are very... Let me say momentous or what? Because we get attracted to what we see at that moment. We get attracted to what we feel at that moment. If I go to town, if I work in town and I see a woman with a very curvaceous body, at that moment I will forget that I have someone at home. That doesn't mean you have cheated. Looking at someone, looking at another woman, I know many men have gone through this particular issue here. You are working with your significant person. And then when you talk to Peter, do you laugh? That is not cheating. You are appreciating beauty. If you don't check on a lady, let me tell you, if you don't check on a lady that is smartly dressed, the whole day, let me say you have a colleague here and on that day, Vavizuri, she is very, very beautiful. She looks noir. And then on that day, you don't even look at her. She is... And then you don't even look at her. Peter, you don't even look at her. My friend, that lady will go home and she will not be at ease. She will be like, what's wrong with you? But the minute you look at her and appreciate her, you are like, hey, Karol, today you look nice. So it doesn't mean that you are cheating. We wouldn't want to be looked at. Yeah, we wouldn't want to be appreciated. And as men, we have that responsibility to appreciate. But now your woman will tell you that why you are appreciating that person when you have a Peter. And I am here. I am here. If you want to compliment me, are you cheating with me? That is cheating. That is not cheating. You are just appreciating that woman. I believe your woman will only raise issues if you compliment other women and you don't compliment her. But if you continually compliment her and still compliment other women. Yeah, well, when it happens, we say, how do you tell... How do you compliment me in the same way you've complimented someone else? How am I important? The same woman. Let me use an example. Maybe let's say you've gone to a get-together. You have sisters, you have your mothers, your aunties, your cousins. If your mother is well-dressed, she has a very nice ketengia. Peter will say, hey, ma'am, you look nice. You look fit. That woman won't have any issue with that. Yes. But as long as it's another woman who's not your relative, that woman will have another issue. Another issue. And that is why women have brought this issue of men cheating. So what do you say? What do you say? Women cheat. When you chat with your colleagues, they cheat. Men don't cheat, my friend. Men don't cheat. It's women who want us to cheat. Yet we're not cheating. It is women who make us admire them in the streets. So you blame the women. I'm not blaming them. I'm not blaming them. I'm just saying. They're the ones who are making YouTube. If... Okay, the other day, we had this hashtag here. My dress, my choice. Yeah, it's your dress, your choice. At the end of the day, how is it affecting me as a man? I'm a man. I am free to see. I'm free to observe. I'm free to like. So if I see you dressed in a certain way that arouses me, that disturbs me, and then I try and I try to say something. No, sir. It's the woman who has made me to try and cheat. For her, I'm not blaming her. But for me, as I told you, we are momentous. I'm seeing her right now. She's beautiful. And I have to compliment her. And in the presence of complimenting her, I forget that I'm not blaming her. I'm committed somewhere. So it is not my fault that I'm talking to this lady. It's her fault that I'm getting attracted to her. Yet I did not plan to while living in my house in the morning. So... Of all? Hey! That's baby for you. You know what I mean. That's the one. I'm not blaming her. I don't know if there's anyone who has ever gone through this, who has never gone through this case in other words, you look at a woman who is passing by the roadside. So I'm going to say that she's a woman who looks like she's a woman. She's a woman who looks like she's a woman who looks like she's a woman. But she doesn't look like a woman in China. She looks like a woman. We are like zombies, that is how men are created and we can't help it at most. Do you agree? Actually I'd say men are naturally attracted to both things. But it is what they do with their attraction that defines whether they are cheating or not. It's what they do with their attraction. So it is right for a man to stay at another woman? There's nothing wrong. There's nothing wrong. There's nothing wrong. But what you do after that is what makes it wrong or right. But some men address women in their brain, in their heads. Yeah. And you can clearly... I had a conversation with a particular lady and she told me that she could get to, you know, feel what the man was trying to do when he was looking at her. She could literally feel the man is staring too much, you know, so much that she feels no. The things going on in this person's head are not correct. Okay. I'm not trying to blame these ladies too much, but anyway, sometimes they go overboard. Sometimes they're the ones who cause these things. You are just an innocent guy from your simple house doing your simple business. Humble background. Humble business. And then a lady from Noia, the way she's dressed, she cannot dress like that in front of her father, but now she has the audacity to dress like that in front of you. And then she expects you not to look or say hi. You cannot control your eyes. Okay. I can control, but there are different people who have grown in different backgrounds. They cannot control. They can control how deep you are, but at the end of the day, you can't control it anymore. You can't control it for the first time. And then you cannot control your eyes. My friend, you cannot control that guy from looking and admiring, whatever you see. You can't control it anymore. You can't control it anymore. Okay. I'm very happy. I'm very happy that I'm wearing the same suit as you are now. My first time to realize what makeup is. You have never seen that make up? I don't know, but I have this crazy idea that that is just the length of a woman's hair. Only for me to get somebody to laugh at me? I don't know, you had long hair, all of a sudden you are like Kalaari Desert. Now there are different techniques of investing in their bodies. I don't know, but please forgive me for this. I don't know if you guys, your men, I don't know if you've noticed that when you walk in town, ladies are so much endowed. And it's not natural, these are things on a bayou. Because they've realized this is what men like. So let me get it from you, and then I'll get to you. Do you think that women want men to actually cheat? Because there are some women who know that this person is married. They know this man is married, yes they still want him. And they will put on some sudden dress and clothing and attire, and they'll even manipulate their bodies. There are even some house helps who know this is a married man. But they'll encourage him to cheat. I think the greed has become so much, and that is what is contributing to these women cheating knowingly with married men. For example, if you go to clubs nowadays, you'll see a lot of ladies there. They know that these men are married, these men have kids, these men have household household. But at the end of the day they just want to cheat because they want something for themselves, they also want to survive. Some? I think morality in the society has gone too low. Such that you will find a woman, a lady that knows a man is dating, a man is married with her family and children, but they still want to make them cheat. So I think the problem is with the morality of the society. People really care so much about themselves that they don't care about others. A woman that really cares about herself and what she gets from a married man doesn't really care about the married man, the family, the wife and the children. So I think the problem is with morality. Now, for some men they know they're married, but they will get, you know, these words. We've heard them, we've seen them. And I want to say it's Wali. No. Yeah, I want to say it's Wali. Why didn't I meet you earlier? I wish I met you earlier. I met you before I met my wife. That statement is a scam. And that is why I've told you men don't have momentaries. What we see at that moment is what we want at that moment. That is why I want to say I wish I met you earlier. Because I want something. You get a moment something. You get. But actually in Yumbani, there are so many values and things that this wife has that this I wish I met you earlier does not have. But because it's a club, it's not like that. It's not like that. But actually in Yumbani, I'll be back to senses. I wish I met you earlier. So we're just, we're for the moment. When we see something nice at the moment, it's not like that. I think this is one hard truth. Ladies must understand that no married man will leave their wife for you. They can only entertain you for a period of time, but rarely will they leave their family and their wives for you. So that is a hard truth that ladies must understand. Some ladies are the best. Sorry? East or West, home is the best. But some ladies are convinced that they can get an opportunity to be with this man. And to the point that they believe in becoming a second wife. Still, it is cheating because the first wife is not aware. The official wife is not aware. You are expecting this man is telling you, you know what? I'll get your house somewhere. I'll settle you down. I'll make you my second wife and the ladies, you know there. And for some, they even end up not having a choice because now they are pregnant. But the man is a cheetah. So why so? I think it all depends with how someone was raised. There are ladies that were raised for them being a second wife is not a problem. As long as they get what they want, they live well. Whatever the need is provided, they have no problem with becoming second wives. After all, society has no problem with a man being polygamist. But is polygamy cheating? No, polygamy. We go back to what Eddie said while the show, you know, at the beginning of the show. Polygamy is not cheating. As long as it's official. It's official. This is my first wife. This is my second wife. It's official. The society allows man to be polygamist. Though it doesn't allow a woman to have two husbands. So according to society, polygamy is not cheating. Yeah. The instance where society allows a man having more than one wife. Yes. So that is not something that is illegal in the society at that time. So you won't call that cheating. But if you have the feature, you have with your spouse, if you have a spouse, you have to be silent. Now that is where cheating comes in. What is somewhat is, for some men, they tend to look for a way out. Yeah, that's what I was telling you. How do you explain that? Why so? Because you're with somebody. And you want to be with someone else at the same time. And you know what they do, some of these men, they tell their current person that, No, no, you're not a sick bendy. I don't love her. She's nagging. She's blah, blah, blah. And they speak all bad things about that other woman to reassure the current one that she's the one. Yet, you're still together with the first one. Are they trying to look for a way out? What is the problem then? You know, at the end of the day, you want this lady in the bag. So as a man, you use every means possible to make that lady yours. It really includes cheating. I'm not even with that lady. That lady, I'm an owner, I will let her see me. But at the end of the day, you're just using sweet words to lure this other lady. And that is why it was a man. East or west, home is the best. This man knows where the heart is. And then one thing you should know, for us men, it is usually very difficult to tell a lady that, Hey, I'm going to get a point on this. So that is when... because some of us know that Rome is a man. Some of us don't have a point blank. Oh, wait. If you have a point, you're going to get a point. So you start doing things and you're going to get a point. So cheating. So you're trying to find a way out. So that you can go. I'm not after my cursor. You can't just tell her. You're trying to know for things to just go away. That is where I'm going to cheat. And even ladies do that. They also look for a way out. But it's not how it's supposed to be. Why can't men be? Okay, sorry for gender champions. Allow me to use this word, categorically for this particular purpose. Why can't a man man up and say to a woman that this is what I want and this is what I don't want. I don't want this relationship. And I want this relationship. Why can't a man do that? Why not go for a woman? Men are very caring. No, it's just being caring. Men are very caring because they imagine what will happen to you. When they tell you now, I don't feel like I want this relationship anymore. They can imagine how you will behave. The heartbreak you will go through. The depression you will enter into. And so many other things that will follow there. So in other words, they're just looking for an exit plan. That is why men in most of the time when they want to leave a lady, they will not just do it once and for all. They will have to look for something that will validate their working out. These ladies are very sweet. They are very tender. So for you to talk to them in a manly manner, you need some bit of tenderness in you. You cannot just go and attack a lady and tell her, okay, I tell a lady like a man. You have to be very sweet to her. The way you lure her into marriage, I think it's the same way you should lure her out of the relationship. They are not... They are not soft. They are soft. I know some men are rough. Some men are rough. Some men are rough. And they won't pick your calls. Because they found someone else. And that's so bad. Ladies today, you see we have many in the building. So men are here to understand. It's a manly world here on part of the country. Ask your questions because if you don't know the reasons why your man cheated on you today, we want to find out. What is your name? My name is Nashida. I told you that if you don't know Nashida, you won't know who she is. A woman cheated on you before. So now you feel like, ah, she is a woman. She is a woman. She is a woman. She is a woman. She is a woman. So because someone cheated on you as a man before, it bruised you. So now you become a serial cheater. So you are out for revenge. Revenge cheating. Revenge is one of the recipes of cheating. You see, when a woman is cheating, there is a time when you are just a normal man. You have nothing. She is a woman. And then you meet a lady. A very nice woman. You meet a woman. You engage her. You guys build a relationship. Let's build a relationship. You grow a relationship. And then you meet another woman somewhere. And then you meet a woman. You talk to her. You are depressed. And you get angry with her. She is a woman. She is a woman. She is a woman. She is a woman. She is a woman. She is a woman. You see, once you find a lady who is cheating on you, you become very bitter towards ladies. You don't even think about Mary alone. So you think that every lady is like Mary who cheated on you with another man. So you have a very vengeful heart. That is very responsible. But it's not because of you. I once talked to a certain man. I once went through that. No, no. I once talked to a certain man that was brought up in a family where he saw the mother really mishandled the father. And as a result, he developed hatred towards women. Wow. So when he began dating, he purposely began cheating as a way of revenging towards women. Revenging... He remembered the way the mother mishandled the father, the way the whole thing happened. So he is out to revenge against the girl child because of how the mother mishandled the father. Now, the problem with this is that you keep bleeding on people who didn't hurt you. That is now the biggest problem. You keep hurting people who didn't hurt you. So one of the reasons men cheat is because they are out for... But I think even women cheat when you find a woman cheating is also because of revenge. So it's a world of wanting to, you know... Cheat for thought. Cheat for thought. Can a man recover? If someone cheats on a man and they start cheating because of that, can a man recover from it? Can a man choose? So you know what? I'm not going to be doing this anymore. Most times I can tell you from experience we usually say that I've been hurt broken before. Like any normal man. Like any normal man. Not like any normal man. Okay, so... From this experience that I've been hurt broken from today, I don't want anything to do with the ladies. I don't want anything to do with the ladies. I think most men have gone through that. I just want to focus on my hustle. I just want to focus on my career and go wherever I'm going. Now I just want to look for a passport a visa in Turkey. Because I don't want to see that lady. I don't want to see this lady. But at the end of the day, you go to an event somewhere and then you meet a very nice lady. And then this lady changes your perception of love. And then when you get to know each other and then you're like, ah, ten. Same thing. So it becomes like something you experience with one person and you experience it with the next woman and the third the next. What you learn from the first is what you should use in the second. So... What did I learn from that relationship? What did I learn? So you carry your failures from that and build a step and you don't carry your burdens and burdens. Now some men cheat because of lack of trust. They don't trust women anymore. They shared something to a particular woman once and that woman really used that particular set of information against them. And now they no longer feel like they can trust women. So... So information shared will be different for different women but they have kept them at arm's length. What do you think about that reason? Some people say that I'm a pen, but I'm not. You're a pen, but you're not. I'm not. I'm not a pen, but I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. They don't trust women as they don't believe. They're just in their minds to get points and everything. But you see... You've been broken. And one thing I want us to state here... Even men get broken. Even men get broken. Nowadays... Men are getting broken. But now the problem is now How should you handle that issue of trust? You no longer trust women. Because this one reason why some men cheat. How do you handle that? Even before we handle that, we respond to that. I think you say even men get broken. But the problem is some men are too egocentric. Men are too egocentric. Men are too egocentric. They are too egocentric! Men always want to be heroes. They will manipulate the story, turn it around. If it came around, they will be aggottish. But even men get broken. And then the point you said on trust, that men sometimes cheat because of trust. There's a point where you are with your lady, but she's giving you signs of not being faithful. As in, sometimes you are sitting with her and she's getting some weird, weird calls. But not just like, I know, I'm too big for that, I won't even ask who that is. You're with your lady, you see who, and then she gets calls at 10, 11, you know, you see this weird for you, you say, yeah, yeah. So now I'm going to say more. Now, because I don't want to, to lose like, last time we were nearly lose, let me have a plan B. You get. So I'm going to plan B, because you're suspecting that she's cheating from, from the calls she's getting, from the text. I think trust issues, insecurities, because so you suspect every call that comes in past a certain time, you suspect every, that is why you'll find some men checking their women's phone at night, just to, you know, to confirm if things are okay. I think those are insecurities. You say I'm a developed insecurity. Son, I had the, they can't trust their partners, their current partners. I want you to talk to the men who are watching you today, because of that particular aspect of insecurity. What would be your word? My word, my word will actually be if you have been cheated on. The remedy is not, you know, getting into another relationship. The remedy is taking time and healing and learning to love and to trust again. All right. Now, yes. Validation is a big problem, especially when it comes to your man's ego. You know, some women know how to play a good game. And they'll give you so many, the Prince of Zinni, the Kings, you are the alpha male, you are the stallion. Babbaya. But now when you get a man who is not receiving such kind of validations from a woman, it becomes a problem. But he is getting these validations from the best friends. When you are not now to chill, we can't, you know, the besties are, I don't know if they call them BFFs, but I don't know how to, you know. The most dangerous people are those ones, the BFFs, the most dangerous people you can never have, you know, let's talk about that particular part. Validation, a woman who does not massage your ego. Yeah, I think women should just learn how to handle us. You see, for a man, ego is very important. And actually that is one of the main causes of cheating in clubs. First I know maybe you're not, you're not going to get these. But you see when you go to a club most times, you know, there are people who do not know how to handle us. So there are people who don't know how to handle us, so there are people who don't know how to handle us. So if we send the battle of egos in Anjia Sasa, who can spend more? On this lady. Yeah, who can spend more? Who looks, who looks, who is the seamer right now? Who is the seamer right now? None into a champion. Give me that picture, let me see another club, but I want to get that picture. So to make out how to cook a meza, the seamer cook a meza. So we are having two men of three. We have this meza with the group of men, that meza is the group of men. And then there is a sleigh queen. Let me use a sleigh queen to make it up. You see this lady in this club, chances are she will not go for the looks most of the times. She will go for the person who spends more and the person who spends more on her. So these two men, these two groups of men will now be competing to please this lady. So if these ones can spend 100,000, now you're going to spend 20,000. My friend, 20,000 kaka 100. I can't even feel that they are married or not. No, easily see. So this lady up on your side, ladies on your side, hey, one of them is going to spend 50,000 kaka 100,000 kaka 100,000 kaka 100,000 kaka 100,000, 10,000, 20,000. So this lady will go for the looks. She will be able to get the money, and the money. So the money will come from you? Yes, the money will come from the money. When you're going to go for the looks for your husband, you're going to spend 100,000. So you have the luck to go for the looks. But if you're going to be like this, they are men who fight for a Kayaan girl in campers. But a 50-year-old man and a 50-year-old man on a pigana for a campus lady who is 18 years old. So in a battle of whom, who impressed you the most? So it's not about how you love this woman. I seem a penzi. I just prove it, and I see it. I'm a champion, I'm a champion. Ladies, are you hearing these things? But then that's true. For men, it's not about love. Sometimes it's just about who is stronger. Yeah, who is stronger. There's another example. I don't know if the ratings of the program match. You know, when you're at home, there's a battle of ego who can do it stronger. You see? This one who can do it vividly, you'll see it. So it really contributes a lot to that. So if your woman tells you you're not good. Yeah, you're ego, yeah. I love you. Sometimes it's just about how good you are. Ah, how good you are. You see who is stronger. I think men wear their heroes. Wear their heroes. Especially when I'm a hero. All right, I want to take a short break. We'll be back after this. But we're getting one other reason why men cheat is where they are praised. Where they appear to be heroes. Where they are told they are the champions. They will stay there. Where they can dominate. Yes. Alpha. An alpha male. Do all men want to be alpha males anyway? Because they have betas and the omegas. Do all men want to be alpha males? Why men cheat? Let's take a short break and we'll be back in a bit. This is Power Talk. Welcome back. This is Power Talk. It is a pleasure being with you today. It is all about understanding why men cheat. What is the problem? How can we solve this? Is it a problem brought by women? Is it a problem men are bringing upon themselves? What can women do to solve this? It is a wonder. It is something that many do not understand. Why? When you've given your all into that relationship and still, a man cheats on you. That's the power talk show at Ramagukko and at Y254 channel. Welcome back. Of course, we continue with this conversation. I'm with Papa Eddi and Sam Ofula. Karibunisana. Now, before we went on that break, we were talking about the man's ego and what women need to do. And actually now I want to talk about what women need to do. Is it possible for a woman to help in this particular area and just change? And will that solve everything? Mahanam Keshavak Sehman, you know from today, I'll be praising him. So. Now allow me to begin from a slightly controversial aspect from a pastor's perspective. I'd say there is nothing a woman can do that will prevent a man from cheating. It is only the fear of God in the heart of a man that keeps them away from cheating. Wow. Is there anything a woman can do? Let me talk from an MC perspective. I'll say this. I'll use the example of a dog. Sometimes you're called dogs, but anyway. Yes. If you tell a dog that every day at one, it should be coming here and it's giving it nicks. That dog will be coming there every day at one and that is something that it will grow in that dog. I want to borrow that analogy to the man. If you train a man in a certain way, if you keep a man in a certain way, that man will behave the way you want that man to behave. If you treat your man in a nice way like Umpatia, what he really wants, at what time he really wants, you understand your man, Vizuri, that man will behave exactly the way you want. And does the same apply to women? Exactly, yeah. It also applies to women. It applies to women. People do change. People change. It just depends on the consistency that you're giving that person and the attention you're giving that person. So if you do that consistently, I believe it will work. I've tried it before and so far I think it's working. I wish I knew what you did. You tried it before. You retrained your woman? No, you're simply trying to make a doubt to who you are because we are all different. We come in a different package. The same guy you dated in campus might not be the same guy you date outside here. So it's just a matter of you getting to know your partner and customize yourself in that relationship the way you want that person to be. Another example still. Some men have this shame. And because of that, they do not feel free to be with their woman. And this shame could be sexual, something in-house. At Agamani Mumbai bedroom. Of course, I'm not son of Nihapu because they have desires. They have something that they want but they are ashamed of it. But now they get it outside, elsewhere. What is there about that reason? They get what they are ashamed of outside because it wouldn't be okay. That is what I'm saying. Who would like to go first? Okay, yes. That is what I'm saying. You get to understand your partner, Vizuri. You know this is what you work down. This is what you work down. If you really love this guy, that shame, you'll try and make what is it called? Making lemonade out of lemons. Use that shame, that weakness to make something nice out of this. I know it's very hard. There are some things which women find very difficult to tolerate with. But the moment you start accepting, you know, we don't go to the boxy, you know. You knew what you were signing up for. And if you think you cannot do this, it's better off you cut it off before you guys go further. Because the further you go, the more hurtful it becomes and the more stressful it becomes, you guys retouching from each other. You fall apart? Yeah. Offer? I think for the man, there is a saying that says if you have strange appetite for school girls, buy your wife a school uniform. Whatever you desire outside there, bring it home. Some women will say, Aparna, you know, attacking. What if you are rejected? Now you have to. And you get ashamed because of that. So you end up cheating because of that. That is where I say our Muslim brothers are very lucky. You see, for them, they can keep the first one and then get the second one who has what he needs. For example, if this wife sees an Aparna, if she wants to learn, she will be naive. And it will bring in somebody who will appeal. And the first wife won't see anything difficult about that. But for us who are Christians, it becomes a bit of a hassle and a hassle for you to get somebody else who has what you really need at that time. So for example, if you have an appetite for school girls, buy your wife a school uniform. Come and have an appetite for chips. Come and have an appetite for chips. And then you will get married. And then you will get married. So it's very nice. You try to customize your relationship to what fits your needs at that time. What about love and attention? Do men need love and attention? Yeah, they do. Men need love and attention. So if your woman is giving you the love, the attention, calling you booze, you need me, the attention you want, another woman gives it to you. That is the reason why men cheat. Because if they don't get it in the house and they can get it elsewhere, they will go there. You know, people say that men don't need love. They will say that. They don't need love to be loved. Just respect. If you have a woman, if you have a woman with a plastic face, what will happen to her? So if I need love and attention, you also need that love and attention. If I'm giving that love and attention, you also give that love and attention. So if I don't get it from you, you tell me, I'll just deviate from the polytheism. And then whatever will have been wanting for a woman, even in shambles, because it could do that. OK. Afuna? I think I'll conquer with Papa Eddy. I think just the same way women need love and attention, men do. Just that on top of that, you add respect. Just so that on top of that, you add respect. It's only that the world has really amplified respect above love and attention for men. But these things, we both need love and respect. Love and respect. Yes. And that will solve. Yes. Now, I'm looking at a different perspective of this all, because there are some women who have given their men love, attention, everything. You know, there are women who even give up on their own career. But still a man cheats. There are women who have given up on their future. But you know what? I'm not going to do anything. I'm going to stay at home. It has our daughter. We're born away. I have a cousin. And the woman will give everything for this particular man. And the man will still go outside, cheat using the money these women have spent. And he will tell her that if she gives her money, she will be a good wife later. I think some... Even as you talk about that, as you answer that, also bring in, answer my question about boredom. Our men just bored. I'm not bored either. I'm not. I'm just bored. To begin with the first one, I think most, sometimes, sometimes the problem is not with the woman. The problem is with the man. For example, assuming a man was brought up in a family where polygamy is a normal thing. To them, you ask them why they have two women. They'll ask you why they should not have two women. So to them, polygamy is normal. They have seen the father marry many wives. They have seen brothers and sisters and uncles marry many wives. So to them, it is not strange. Them cheating and having women out here. So the problem, most of the time, is not actually with the woman. The woman has done everything. The woman has respected the man. They have loved him, given them attention and all that. But still, they find the man cheating. Now, in such a scenario, the problem is not with the woman. The problem is with the man. How the man was brought up. The man was brought up knowing polygamy is a normal thing. You can have as many women as you can. So when it gets to that point, maybe that is where you... I don't know, let me say sick prayer. I never heard of it. But what makes me even feel sad is, because I've even seen it. There's this woman who once told me that I gave my whole life for this man. Now, I've come from Mogyo for so many years, only for the man to cheat on their own bed. Are men just born? You know, sometimes when you ask men why they cheat, most of them will not tell you why they cheat. They even don't know themselves why they cheat. Sometimes when you ask men why they cheat, most times they even do not know why they cheat. They are men who will cheat only to regret after they have... So you get to borrow her to hi-jai her. You know, Ram, when you say... When you give an example that a woman says that she's given her all and everything, it brings me to something that I usually see everywhere. You know, men do a lot of things for their ladies. They are men who pay school fees. They are men who live their siblings suffering just to cater for their women whom they love. They are men who have never taken their mother even to Mombasa, but they have taken their ladies to Maldives and everywhere. But I don't know, I don't know. But what I remember is that there are only socks, my friend. There are only socks. You see this man, I have done everything for him. I have sacrificed everything I want. Do you have socks? Do you have my socks? So, there are things men do. Okay, naturally men, we are born to take care of people. We are born to control everything in relationship. But we are not supposed to thumb our chest that we did this and this and that and that. So basically, you see, there are some things we see, Nindogo sana, but there are some things that ladies see, Koni, Kubo sana. And then the issue of boredom. And you see, men, to meza liwana, they are built here, they are harassed, they are chapped, they are being taken care of. That is why a man will, all the time when he is taken care of, they are harassed all the time. And let him, sometimes that one, Nindogo has it, Rakesha Rakesha. So, see it when he is taken care of. So, in our lives, we need thrill more than ladies need that thrill. That is why a man will come home with different ideas and take care of him. If you don't give that man those, either to take care of him or take care of him, at a fillio boredom. Let's talk about that, adventure. Adventure, yeah. Some men love adventure. So, if they don't get adventure at home, is that a reason for cheating? I said, you know what? You did not give me the adventure I wanted, so I had a reason for cheating on you. Yeah, that is usually, at some point it's a valid argument, because if you really care for me, you do things that I am requesting you to. If you feel like I am turning you, then that means we are not in this together. What about if the woman is not comfortable with the adventure, the sort of adventure? Well, we need to come to an agreement. We need to come to an agreement. Yeah, I understand that. Because I also have needs, the same way you have needs. So, it's about an happy. All right, another reason. The woman has gained weight. This one has really offended so many women outside there. I know. And the one no longer sees the woman as attractive, known as because you may add weight, you may know an assana, you may, you cannot tumble, you need to, nhamas. Or the flowing tummy. Yeah, and they no longer see their women as attractive as they used to, because of biological issues, maybe childbirth, health, et cetera. But now the man has seen another woman who is slander, na konele figain anapenda. Maybe it's petite or the other thing, there are definitions that are there. Is that a good enough reason to cheat? No, according to me, no, because I'd ask the man, who is the reason behind this weight? It is the man. It is the man that made the ready pregnant. The lady delivered for the man. The lady added weight because of the man. So why would such a man now begin cheating because, you know, of the, the, how do we call it, the evolution, the body evolution of the woman? When is the reason behind that? But some, there are women who have given birth and they have just gone back to their own shape. You know, at the end of the day, according to me, it is a matter of personal choice. A woman will gain weight if she wants to gain weight. A woman will stay fit if she wants to stay fit. That is true. This excuse of ati, because I'm a zah, sa atanona too. I believe it is a man's responsibility to walk through, no, to walk the woman through the process of... When we come to this relationship, everybody comes with their own baggage and with their own strength. So if I come to this relationship, if I am slender, it is up to me to maintain that slender, slenderness. If I come to this relationship, if I am fat, it's up to me to maintain that whiteness or to reduce it. I believe we are doing life together, Ram. Papa Edi. Yeah. I believe, yes, we are doing life together. So no matter what happens, we are sharing life. If you've given birth and, you know, we have begun observing the body changes and all that, because we are doing life together, we will walk through that process together. But still, what he is saying is true. That we may not have given birth and they look so fit. Yes. Adi, what can I tell you? You know, I have three kids, people are like... Yeah, it is because the woman has taken responsibility. The man also has taken responsibility. Yes. Everybody has to be responsible on their own. Because if we fail at that, if you depend on your partner's responsibility, then you will fail together. So I like what Nani was saying. Will Smith was saying the other day. He was giving an example of the relationship that Jada went out to get her own happiness and also we went out to get his own happiness. And then they came back to the house, everybody with their own happiness. So it was a matter of you, with your own happiness, you go and find your own happiness, yeah? But still, you can affect someone else's happiness. You can affect your wife's happiness. You can affect her mood. And what someone said also is true because it is you that made her pregnant. Yes. And now because of the pregnancy, she had cravings. She had sleepless nights and you name them. And she ate and added weight. So why should she be blamed for your work? You know, when she was adding weight, I was trying to take care of the bills. I was trying to take care of the bills. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah? So she had to be blamed. So you don't want to blame her, right? Everybody has to be blamed. Is it just if I were to leave your wife for someone who is better looking? No, actually it's not. I think when you fall in love with someone, okay according to me, when I fall in love with someone, I fall in love with so many things. And weight might or might not be one of the issues. But as a manga, before you get attached to someone, or before you marry someone, you first focus on the positives and the negatives. If the positives are too many to outweigh the negatives, then you take that person in. But if the negatives are too many, then the positives, what's your name? So you're more the easy clue. Maybe just to ask on what he's saying for a minute. I tell people before you marry a lady, please have a look at their mother, look at their aunties. If you don't like them, how they look, how they appear, leave the lady alone. Some of these aunties are not... You should look at their mothers and their aunties. And not about the lady. Because a lady is likely to be, to become. Like their aunties and their mothers. I thought it was the dad. I thought a lady would most probably take after the dad in terms of behavior and that. Character. No, we're not looking at the, in terms of body. No, surely, surely. You cannot see the body in a 50-year-old mama, or a six-year-old. Imagine, mama was like... She was a trajectory. She was a trajectory. We call it probability. Ah! What is probability? You cannot see anything. Maybe complexion is a part of it. But it's... Figure. La hasha. And so, you look at the lady's aunts and mothers. What about the lady and her family? Your father and your uncles. Your father and your uncles. If she doesn't like them, how they look at that time. I watch a woman and a man. Because you are likely to be, to look like your uncles and your father. When you get to their age. But there are some aunties, my friend, there. There are some aunties. They're not encouraging. No, they're not encouraging. If you try to look at the baby as a son, and in here, you would have to put her there. I want us to look at something else that are not encouraging. Is it okay to say that one reason why a man cheats is because of the connection she pieces you off a lot. And everything she does, pieces you off. Soutiake, Conga Kuake, her reasoning. Everything she does, pieces you off to the point that you end up arguing every single day. You no longer feel it's good to even be in the house. You know, that one is as a result of an resolved issue. Maybe there was a mistake done earlier on that you have not yet addressed. So any time she does anything you remember, she pieces you off. The best thing to do is to sit down and resolve that issue that is not yet resolved. To me, I'll say, the more you people live together, the more you discover things about each other. You know, this lady was born in a different family. She was brought up with different values. You're also born in a different family, different values, different things. So the more you live together, the more you get to learn different things about each other. So your ability to tolerate each other is what takes you further. Because I'm telling you for a fact, at the way we can talk about food on Friday, we can talk about it next week. We can talk about food on Friday. What about that? One on one, I don't want to talk about food. I don't want to talk about anything else. So if you don't want to talk about food on Friday, you can talk about it next week. So you want to realize what you like and how you like it. If you don't want to talk about it, you can talk about it next week. That's why you need a sharp lady when you're getting married. You need someone who's sharp, who's good at studying and so on. That's why I'm telling you, don't go for these things, these fake things that you're talking about. If you don't want to talk about it, go for intelligence. If you don't want to talk about it, you can talk about it next week. If you don't want to talk about it, you can talk about wine. Waffle, talk about cooking. Is cooking also a reason for cheating? Yes. It's one of the reasons. One of the reasons? Because beauty fades, but hunger is constant. Hunger is constant. Consistent. It's very consistent. So cooking is one major reason why men cheat. You know, some men sleep where they are satisfied. In other words, yeah, that's true. That's true. Let me start with the let's finalize with a few more issues here. Money. You'll find that there is this woman who is always always having issues with your providence. Oh, you are talking to me. So you end up always having arguments and fights about what you bring at home. So you end up, you know, so I say, OK, you know what? Say that you have money. Because she always complains about everything you do. Let's talk about that. Yes, Eddie. It takes me back to... Appa. Intelligence. Yeah, what are you talking about? You see, So the ability of this woman to understand this particular situation is very key in your relationship. That is why I tell people that, OK, even I was discussing with my spouse, that instead of talking about these fake things, Kila Sam Nongi about where you'll go for Nini, you'll go for vacation, how many kids you'll have, they are very important things you should discuss before you get committed to someone. Things like financial bills, they are very important because at the end of the day, you cannot live with a person's child, and you cannot provide for them. And you cannot make him or her comfortable. So if you discuss bills and finances together with your partner, you'll be able to handle those trials. Yes, Sam? I think that's true. As I said earlier, we are doing life together. Yes. So we must get to a point where we sit down and discuss. I am the provider, but I will not always have. That is why we are always complimenting one another and coming in through. We are building a family together. So we must get to a place and have a mutual agreement on how we are going to manage finances and all that. All right. I want to bring this conversation to a close. I want to give you each final word. Just 10 or 20 seconds each. Speak to the men outside there. What would be your parting shot for today? Let me start with you, Papa Fede. My parting shot will be just men out there. Take someone who are intelligent. Intelligence is key to every relationship. If you get someone who can think with Uri, can be done with you well, you'll avoid these shenanigans as a kind of kind of. I'll tell men out there, please know what you want. If you love plump women, get a plump woman for a wife. If you love, you know, petite women, get a petite woman for a wife. Otherwise, watch out for something. Thank you so much, Papa Fede and Sam Mahfoula. It has been a pleasure. I would like to bring us to a close. And of course, as always, let's end with a quote. Tell me whether you agree with this quote or not. Aha. Now, most people cheat because they are paying more attention to what they are missing rather than what they have. Do you agree with that? Tell me what you think about that. Is it true or not? Thank you so much, Papa Fede and Papa... Ah, it's Papa Fede. Sam Mahfoula. It's only Papa Efex. Asaduri Sanna, my name is Ram Magukko. This is Power Talk.