 Hello everyone. Welcome to another Narc Survivor live video. I'm just sitting on the couch this evening. It is 11 p.m. here just before I go to sleep but I thought I would do a live video. So yeah in this one I'm going to be telling you why the narcissist is about to come back because many of you you may think that the narcissist has just moved on. It's like they just left you behind. Like you never meant anything to them. You never even existed. After everything you went through with them in the beginning they made you feel so special. It's like you were the most important person in their world. They were just always there for you in the beginning. It's like no one else mattered to them. You were their main priority. Everything else just didn't even matter and they did everything they could just to be there for you. To be with you. To be by your side and it's like at that time you felt special. You felt like this person cares about you, loves you. Once to be with you is actually serious about something long-term, a future, a relationship, marriage, maybe children. That's what they feared to you in the beginning. They made you believe they were about it for real because they knew that's what you wanted. They knew that if they just came out in the beginning and made it clear to you that it was just something short-term they knew you weren't going to stick around. So they had to make it seem like they were in it for real. As though they were thinking long-term as well. But in actuality they were not. They weren't thinking about that with you. They're never thinking about that with anyone. The only person they're ever thinking of is themselves. So it moves quite quickly from the love bombing to the devaluation. They're insulting you and putting you down and you're just scratching your head wondering how did it get to this point. This person who I thought was about it for real for the first time in my life or the first time in a long time it's like yeah this person actually cares about me. This person actually wants to be with me. They want to create a future together because that's how it feels isn't it? You feel like you've met your soulmate, your ride or die. This person who's going to be there for you no matter what and then what happens they just suddenly turn against you. They're still there but they're nitpicking, they're fault-finding and nothing you do for them is ever enough. It's like you can't do anything right and you just wonder how did it get to this point. How did I get stuck in this situation with this person and they're so beautiful so handsome. So nice to look at yeah on the outside on the surface but underneath all of that it's like does this person even really want to be with me? Do they even really care? Are they really serious about the future? Because the way that they're treating me and talking to me right now it looks like this is not going to last. Isn't that right? Isn't that what it's like? And you're just holding on to the relationship. It's trying to keep it together. Trying to do anything you can just to make them happy. Just to calm them down. It's like nothing you do is ever good enough. They're putting you down and then you find out they've got someone else on the side. They've got their new source lined up and they might even make you aware of it. They triangulate you with a new source and they're just constantly comparing you to them and you just look at yourself and you think was I really that bad? Everything I did for you I did everything I possibly could to please you to make you happy and it's like you look back at the old photographs that you took together. Maybe you were out at a restaurant. Maybe you were walking together on the beach and it was all laughs and smiles. You had your arms around each other. You were kissing looking into each other's eyes and you just look back at that and you just think wow we look like the perfect couple. Like we get on so well and it's like in that moment you couldn't imagine being with anyone else. You thought that was it. That was the end. This was the one for you and you were the one for them because that's how they portrayed it to be but then time goes by. They turn against you they start insulting you and putting you down. They've lined up their new source and by that point it is just heartbreaking. It just feels like your heart is being ripped out of your chest because this person you spent all of that time with. You spent all of that time getting to know them, going places with them, being intimate with them. You were so close together and they were all over you and you may have done things with them that you never did with anyone else. With them it's like yeah that was the first time I did that and it felt special. I felt like that was the right person to do that with and it is imprints on your mind. It's always there this experience you had with them. Really sets it apart from anything else you had before. And then just to think of this person who you were so intimately involved with to think that now they're with someone else and it's like they're feeding it to you. This new situation that gradually just feeding it to you. A little bit at a time. It's like first you hear that they are talking to them. Maybe you catch them messaging on their phone and then over a period of a few days maybe a few weeks then you start to learn more and more. They gradually open up about it to you. And then you discover they've been dating and then you learn they've slept together and at that point it breaks you. It just destroys you to think this person you spent all of that time with they've been with someone else. All of that time doing what they were doing with you. Laughing and joking. Going to restaurants and you just look back and think did any of this even mean anything to you? Was it even special to you like it was to me? Because yeah to me these experiences were very special. It meant a lot to me. But to you it's like you could just move on as if nothing ever happened. Like there was no connection. Thanks for the donation. Thank the Lord. I appreciate it. Yeah they can just move on. I could just never met anything to them. All of the memories you shared all of the photographs you took. All of those times you were holding hands looking into each other's eyes and you felt that connection. You felt like this is the one this is my soulmate. This is the person I've been waiting for. But then to learn that they have been involved with someone else just breaks your heart. Just the betrayal. You just wonder how can someone do that? How could they not even care? I mean it's just such a hurtful thing to do. It's incredible how someone can be so heartless the way that they were with you all of that time. They were so close to you. It's like just the other day you were holding them in your arms like your little baby. And they were so special to you. And you thought you were special to them. And then you learned that they're off doing the same thing with someone else. Now they're holding someone else's hand. They're looking into someone else's eyes. Kissing someone else's lips. Sleeping in someone else's bed. And when they're doing that they're not thinking about you. They don't even care. You don't even cross their mind. And let us of course, if it's a malignant ass assist and they're sick and crazy enough to be laying in bed, taking videos, selfies just so they can go and send them to you. And I know I'm not the only one who has been through that. And it is the ultimate disrespect. It's the most hurtful thing a person can do to you. When you felt that close, you felt like this person was like family to you. And then they go and do that. And once you've seen these types of things, you've gone onto their social media, you've seen these pictures, these videos, they're quite clearly involved with someone else. You might assume that it's all over. You might assume that they're not coming back. You might assume that you're never going to see them again. But no, they will still come back. That's not the end of them. But yeah, they may want you to think that they're not coming back. Because in many ways, yes, that may serve their agenda. Because then they know if they just disappear for a certain amount of time, then maybe they can come back and you'll take them back without needing any closure. You won't even want to ask for an explanation because you're so afraid that they might leave again. So you will do anything just to accommodate them, to let them back in. Because you don't want them to go again. You don't want to lose them. And this is what happens. This is when the narcissist comes back. It's when they move to the devaluation phase with the new source. Just think back how it was with you. Remember, they began to devalue you. And at that point, they already had the new source lined up because they're no longer getting that positive supply from you. Now the supply they're getting from you, it's mostly negative. So then that was when they needed a new source for positive attention, admiration and praise. And it's the same thing after they've gone through the love bombing with the new source. And then they begin to devalue them. That's when it is likely that they will re-idealize you again after being apart from you for some time. And they may come back. They may decide to hoover you. And they're expecting you to be waiting for them with open arms. They're expecting you to be there. But now let's talk about why they come back. Because they're not really coming back for you. It's not because they miss you. Because they love you, they care about you. They want you to think that. Because that gives them the foot in the door. But actually the reason why they're coming back, it's only for supply. They just want you as their positive source of supply again. You can give them compliments, praise, attention and admiration. But even then, that's not going to last forever. It doesn't mean that they've gone off. They've done these things with the new source. They got bored of them. Now they're coming back with you. And they're gonna stay with you this time. It's not that simple. They'll come back. And things may be okay in the beginning. But soon enough, it will return to normal again. They will start devaluing you again. And actually it's usually worse the second time around. If you thought it was bad the first time, the second time, it's always worse. Because now they already know what makes you tick. They've already learned you. They already know what they need to do. They've got more experience with you the second time around. So they're going to be better at it. And sometimes there is just this constant back and forth from one supply to the other one. And they could go back and forth so many times. I believe this is something they've learned from their childhood with their parents, maybe their parents were divorced or separated. And as a child, they went back and forth with their parents. They made one parent angry. Then they go to the other one to get positive attention. Then they make that one angry, they go back. And then they've learned to do this with adults. The same process. But this is why they are coming back. If you just joined, please hit the thumbs up button down below. Helps the YouTube algorithm to get this very important message out there. Thank you. But yeah, this is why they're coming back. It's not because they love you, or they miss you, or they care about you. It's got nothing to do with that. You should know by now they feel nothing for you. Remember all those times, where they were holding your hand, looking into your eyes, as though they actually cared. When you were down, they were there for you. They could actually matter to them. You should be able to look back and realize those times were fake. It wasn't even real. If it was, they would be with you now. And they never would have gone off with a new source. If they really cared. I don't know, it's hard to accept. You may still have those memories in your head. You may have the pictures on your phone. You look back and you just wish it was real. You wish that was actually who they are. Especially if this happened recently. You were recently discarded. I mean, just in a couple of days, it's going to be Christmas. I'm sure around this time of year, you may want nothing more than just to be with them, celebrate the holidays with them. You may want nothing more than that. And I get it. I know it's, it is lonely around this time of year. Of course, you want some company. You just want someone to be there. Even if it's just a warm body in your bed, someone to cuddle up to at night, especially if it's cold where you are. And you've got the fire on. You're just listening to some soothing music. And it's like you're just daydreaming. Remember those times? Spooning with the narcissist. You were cuddled up together. And in that moment, everything seemed so perfect. Everything seemed so right. And then it was just taken away from you in an instant. It's just all over gone. Done. But you still have that cognitive dissonance to where you're wondering. Was it real or not? Was that the real person? Or was it the person at the end? Or maybe I caused that maybe I'm the reason why they left. Why they had to go off and find someone else. Maybe that's because of me. And it just confuses you. It makes you overthink. It makes you overanalyze the situation to the point where you may be laying in bed at night. Very tired. You just can't stop thinking and you can't get to sleep. Because it's just constantly replaying in your head again and again. You're analyzing all of the past situations, all the conversations you remember. Whether it was through text or in person. And then you're just constantly imagining what it was like for them when they were spending their time with a new source. They're going out to restaurants or whatever they were doing. And you're just thinking, did they have those same feelings for them? Or when they slept together? Did they do it like they did it with me? Was it the same? Was it as good? Because that's how we might think. It makes us insecure. It makes us compare ourselves to this other person because we gave our best. We did everything we could for them. And they made it seem like it still wasn't good enough. But I can tell you, because they do know that person you saw in the beginning, they were fake. That's not who they really are. It's a reflection of your own qualities and virtues. Your own ideals. They could never live up to that and that is why they eventually began to devalue you. That's why they turned against you. Because they couldn't be who you needed them to be. And who they led you to believe that they were. That's why they devalued you. And it is that person who devalues and discards you. That's who they actually are. That's the real person. At that point you have seen them rip off the mask and they have shown you exactly who they are. That's the real them. So even when they come back you should know it's not about love. It's just about supply. Maybe money. Sometimes sex. Sometimes a place to stay. But whatever it is, I do not advise letting them back in. Even if you're thinking it's just so you can get the validation or just for sex. I don't advise doing that. They will really have one over on you if you take them back in. If you have sex with them again, those feelings will come back and they will hold a lot of power over you. Sex is one of the narcissist's most effective tools at manipulating and controlling their targets. Once they get in your bed, you will be thinking about them constantly. Once you get them out, don't let them back in. Don't do that. It's just gonna make it worse. And you know already that's not what you really want. You wanted more than that. Don't settle for less. You wanted a future. You wanted a relationship. Don't let them think that they could just come back and do that to you. They love that. They really love it when they can make you accept less because they know all along you wanted more. You weren't just looking for a hookup and that's really like a big F you to you. It's an insult. It's extremely disrespectful for them to come back just to have sex with you and treat you like a hookup, a booty call. That just isn't fair because you know and they know that you wanted more. You never intended to settle for that and you need to stay strong. You need to set firm boundaries where it's like no I'm not going to accept that. I know my worth. I know what I deserve. At this point in my life I know what I want and I deserve more than that but to be someone's sex object just to be used for their personal pleasure you just got to say no thanks. I'm worth more than that and I know you can't give me more than that so I guess that means this has to come to an end. We have to go our separate ways. You need to be fixed and firm and then you just got to cut contact with them just cut them off. Don't give in. I know it can be tempting. I get it. A lot of validation comes from sex and when they're wanting to come back in and it's like maybe they're coming back for money or just a place to stay as they were before and then it makes you feel like oh if they do that then it's like they're mine again. They're my baby. They belong to me because they're living in my home. They're dependent on my money to survive but no it's not like that. They're just coming in and it's like they're just using your space for a certain amount of time spending your money living for free. You're paying for all of the bills and then as soon as they find a better deal they're off there and they just forget about you. That's really how it is and they don't really appreciate anything you do for them. They just use you and then they leave and they find someone else. So don't let them back in. This is my advice to you. Just don't do it. If you do it you're going to feel bad afterwards. It's not going to feel good. You're going to regret it. You're going to feel like you made a bad decision but if you keep them out guess it will be difficult in the beginning. You're still going to be craving their company, their touch. Just little things you remember like maybe the texture of their hair. Maybe it was silky smooth. Had a nice shine to it. Just remember running your fingers through her hair the smell of her shampoo. Maybe the smell of her clothes the fabric softener perfume. Of course I'm speaking primarily to the guys here but as for the women it could be something similar as well. It's just these little things that you remember that you hold on to. It leaves you craving them. It leaves you wanting them back because you can become addicted to those things as well. You really can. The touch. The feel of a person's hair. The softness of their skin. The smell of their perfume provides like a source of comfort to you. Security. Safety. So when that's gone you don't feel comfortable. You don't feel safe. That's how you're craving it you're wanting it back but I'm telling you it's the worst thing you can do. Just to let them back in. It's going to be worse the second time around. It only gets worse. You just need to practice self-care. Instead of thinking about them and how good things used to be start thinking about you. Start taking care of yourself by a new body scrub. Make your skin nice and soft until then. Start feeling the softness of your own skin or maybe change up your shampoo. Get when that smells nice. New perfume. Get a manicure. Treat yourself. Just get your mind off of them. Honestly it's not going to serve you. It's just going to drive you insane. And just put the focus back on yourself. Just remind yourself of what an amazing person you are. Because you are. There are so many wonderful things about you and yet instead of remembering and being grateful for that you've got your mind on them all of the time. And it's just making you feel less. It's making you feel sad, depressed. It's not healthy. I know it's saying you just forget about them but just remember them for what and who they actually are. Remember how they treated you. Remember that who they were at the end that's who they actually are. That person in the beginning it wasn't real it was fake. That was really them. They wouldn't have treated you that way in the end. They would have had more care, love and respect for you. So remember these things. Don't get pulled back into it. All right that's all I've got to say for this one. It's getting late here almost midnight. Time for me to go to sleep. Wake up early. Travel. Thank you all for joining me on another live video and I do hope that this was helpful for you. If it was you can show your support down below by giving this video a thumbs up. Very important as it helps the YouTube algorithm to get this message out there to other viewers, other survivors. And let me know what you think about this video in the comment section down below. I'm reading your comments every day and I respond to as many as I can. Also hit that subscribe button and click all notifications so that you will be notified when I upload a new video. If you'd like to book a one-on-one coaching session with me you can go to my website it is NarcSurvivor.co.uk and follow me on Instagram. Follow me on Instagram it's NarcSurvivor YouTube. You can also DM me on there. All right that's it for this one. I'll be back again tomorrow Christmas Eve with another live video. Thank you all for your support and I look forward to talking with you in the next one.