 Before I begin I want to say to you That I haven't been a perfect parent I Lost my temper my kids especially when they were doing family devotions the kids will start giggling pinching each other not paying attention and Then they get my wife laughing and I'm so I'm trying to have family devotions here and And losing my temper and I'm defeating the whole purpose of spirituality, right? My kids laugh and we think about those times now I'll tell you lots of stories. Jesus was a storyteller. I don't have any other stories But the stories of my life and my children so I hope you don't think that it's bragging or saying I did everything exactly right It's a learning process There's no school for parents really you learn by doing right And for those who don't know God blessed my children so Incredibly much my oldest son is a surgeon He played professional baseball for the San Diego Padres for two years. He was play of the year in his college And then he went into med school real underachiever And he works in Orlando and lives with his wife Whitney and two beautiful children We just came from there and God will greatly use my grandchildren when they were putting them to sleep I would tell them stories and as they were snoring quietly up at my hand and I started to pray blessings and All the intercession of the Holy Spirit all those sleeping children pray for your kids after they fall asleep Because they'll squiggle when you when they're alive and awake my second son is an officer in the US Air Force Luke and He's an athlete as well played baseball. He's a golfer played golf for four years and He's a captain in the Air Force. He's a psychologist So I have two sons who have doctorates earn doctorates to master's degrees my daughter Larissa is married to a Whitney I have two witnesses daughter-in-law this and he has three beautiful children to do two daughters and a son and Then my daughter we live by her in Springfield, Missouri She married a finance guy and she is a teacher in the school and my wife is a nurse And she has to she has an older son and two beautiful beautiful beautiful daughters You can see my family on George David Duke on Facebook. It's a public page. Okay, so Yeah Let's just bow our heads on the word of prayer Jesus. I Want to invite you to take my Words and Economize the time so I would say what you need me to say I want to give you the honor and the glory and the praise from the outside outset because you're the ones who gave us a heritage of wonderful parents and my wife SD side and my side Lord, we didn't deserve it. We were born into a rich home of great parenting and So Lord we modeled what we saw and others people didn't have that heritage and they're learning to try to be better parents Would you give them more success than you gave us Lord? Would you bless them with even? More wonderful children than you gave us and grandchildren and I thank you and I just honor you today in Jesus name So children are our arrows sons are a heritage by the word sons is generic Okay, it could be sons and daughters, right? I have a friend his name is Andy. He has three daughters He wanted a boy so bad So the three daughters are pregnant out of the three daughters of my friends. They have eight children and they're all boys So he didn't have any granddaughters that are girls, but he had four women in the house sons are a heritage from the Lord Children I'll reward children are blessing Sometimes they're a pain in the neck, but they're a blessing Then the Bible says like arrows in the hands of a warrior Our sons are children born in one's youth The best time to have children is when you're young because you have energy to chase them How are children like arrows? Let's look at an arrow in the old days. That's what it was a Method that was used for Effectiveness in warfare and so an arrow has a very very sharp point a blunt arrow will not penetrate a blunt arrow will not a choose will not achieve the purpose to which you send it Second part of an arrow are the feathers or the fins at the end of the arrow They provide stability You see if you have a long stick and that's the third part of the arrow called the shaft The shaft has to be perfectly straight Otherwise the arrow will wobble go up and down or circle But the combination of a straight shaft Alright, which is balance you could balance it on one finger. That's a good. That's a good arrow shaft today They make a matter of fiberglass which is not bent but before they made out of wood and the wood had to be perfectly straight to fly true and The feathers they make the the arrow fly true Not only does it leave the bow in a straight line? It travels in a straight line and doesn't flip if the shaft is bent the wooden part it'll curve left and right Sharp point stable fins Balanced wood or shaft and then Natasha told us already You have to aim your children arrows are meant to be sent in a certain direction a target Yes, then the fifth point that I'm going to share in this part of the message is The release Arrows were not meant to stay in the bag. Okay arrows were meant to be taken out Shafted pulled back Aimed and what release let go there will come a time with your son your daughter will leave your home First maybe for school, which is close or far away Secondly when they marry or are given into marriage as daughters and you know what that is an experience for every mom That's somehow they take it differently, but my wife had a hard time giving my older son away to another lady We have a what we have two wonderful daughters in law. They're awesome, but letting go is hard. Hello But wait, you're not there yet When you do get there, you'll remember my words that you are not meant to tie your child to your apron strengths You are not meant to clip their wings like you do a parrot that you don't want to fly and you want them to stay in the house Right, so people clip their wings. It doesn't hurt. It's the edge of their wings and they can't lift. They can't fly high No parents were not meant to clip their children's wings. They were meant to give them wings and As you give them wings, you know what they're gonna spread them And they're gonna take off and you're just like, please come back Please fly back to home sometimes, right? All of that in its time So let's take the very first point. Why are our why is a son or a daughter like a sharp point of an arrow? Well, we talked about effectiveness Do you want your children to be effective as they grow? Do you want them to make a difference in their generation? Of course you do. So the question is how do you sharpen their point? Now look at the form and shape of an arrow. It's wide and it's broad It could be made of metal. It could be made of flint stone. It could be made of different materials today Yes, there's there are arrows that just are sharpened stick Okay, but every point of every arrow has to come to a Focus point and Natasha mentioned that I'm just sitting there listening. I'm saying holy spirit. You want to say twice The goal is to increase effectiveness. Now every child is given gifts by God There's two kinds of gifts at least there's your natural gifts, which are hereditary. Are you following? You could be tall. You could be short. You could be dark haired or light skin or dark skin These are giftings and being unique after the image of God You as a parent don't choose those things DNA is a funny thing, isn't it? You could have a I'm tall my wife is short five one and three-quarters and the three-quarters is very important and so Yeah, so we're they're born. I have a tall son and I have a medium son, right? I don't choose those things God does Now you take their natural skills You take the gifts that they're born with now your job when they're small children and and in a church You sharpen them by the way kids zone is amazing Let me just stop just a minute and promote kids own for you What is Jesus's priority in the church? He gives it to Peter in John chapter 21 today at lunch with Pastor Vlad I brought this up and his eyes got big right in like why I didn't know that Because it's sometimes you see verses and you know what they mean, but you don't see the priority of the verses Okay, Peter was asked three times if he loved him he hung his head You know the story you know all things Lord, right? And then Jesus directed him three times Anybody remember what Jesus said those three times? feed Pastor Leah got it. Most people say feed my sheep You know he doesn't start with sheep Jesus said the word lambs, which are the little sheep you following He said feed my lambs first that's the first priority of the church Then he said Peter care for my sheep and then he said feed my sheep So the sheep which are middle-aged or teenagers or older or senior citizens like right? They already are established in the faith, but they need food as well. We need to feed them the word of God But watch the priority of Jesus. He put lambs at the beginning of our priority list Now the church is not the main one responsible for feeding your children lambs the parents are but the church is here to Supplement what you do at home with your children. So that is the proper understanding I hope I got that out of the way so Sharpening the point of the arrow is taking the rough natural abilities of your child and Sharpening them for example, they have a musical ear. Well, you could teach them an instrument or or pay someone to teach them How to play piano right I had musical ability. I can't read music I can't read notes But I have an incredible ability to hear music in my head and for the 26 albums we produced I I arranged all the voices and nobody sang anybody else's part. I can hear it in my head So, you know, I after many years of doing that you focus you sharpen your ability Now glissiastus the wisest preacher the wisest teacher named Solomon He gave this interesting verse, which is good for teachers. It's good for preachers and communicators and it goes like this If the iron is blunt and you don't sharpen the edge more strength is needed But wisdom helps you to succeed So think of a sharp arrow or for some of you in the kitchen think of a sharp kitchen knife Or some of you that have a wood burning furnace or fireplace or sauna wood burning think of a sharp axe No, think of a blunt axe a blunt knife a blunt arrow. Does it penetrate? No What happens when you try to cut a tomato with a very dull kitchen knife? You torture it You squash it the juice comes out, but you didn't cut anything You're not effective How do you chop wood with the axe that is dull? More blows are needed. That's why preachers have to sharpen their skills. Otherwise end up pounding on the people Is that true or what people like? Sharpen the edge and we'll get it Don't beat on us Solomon said that we have to sharpen skills now. Let's talk about the ways. This is where it gets practical Three ways to sharpen the natural abilities of your children first of all Discipline is the first thing that we teach children Secondly, we are the first educators and then that is supplemented by grammar school Christian school public school to give you a note. I went to public school all my life High school it was well Public schools are dangerous because you have all kinds of bad things that kids do in school But for me it showed me what is black and what is white? Christian schools are great because you protect your children from some of the ugly stuff, but then there's more gray They don't see black and white they see well everyone this guy is doing and he's going to Christian school So there's pluses and minuses to both, okay? But you are the first educators in the school supplement your education church Supplements the education. We'll talk about it. Then a work ethic who teaches a kid not to be lazy You do or you don't a Child is lazy by birth. There's the unusual child as a helper Praise God for those kids mom. Can I help mom's like whoa? How many of you said I help us with the dishes. They're deaf. They don't hear it, right? Let's go for ice cream. Oh, okay Selected hearing let's take discipline first Here are the principles of discipline now I allow you to disagree with me because I'm gonna say some radical things you may not accept You may not want to practice and that's okay. You do it your way I can only tell you how I understood things and I tried to follow scripture and I found it really really really effective Before you make any rules in your house My first Suggesting to you is don't make your house full of rules The less rules you have The more they will actually keep the rules. You do want them to obey Choose some excellent rules Choose well pick your battles. Don't battle over everything Then we nag then the kids say mom you you never say anything, but you're always like on me, right? Especially teenagers they love to but that's it. That's a special kid Let's put teenager to the side for now for now Have reasonable rules my dad came from Ukraine He was a Pentecostal, but he went to American Bible school in Poland And my dad didn't have a lot of rules in the house But man we were well behaved because the few rules and my dad had they were good rules in fact We didn't want to break those rules and I saw a modeling of grace versus law law law Dude don't don't don't do this don't do this. Well kids don't want to hear just don't they want to hear What can I do? What should I do? So make rules that are reasonable Second avoid extremes. There are permissive parents where the kids can do everything and Then there are the other extreme parents. They don't trust their kids for anything. No, you can't go there. No, no No, I'll tell you a story my We tried to have sleepovers from my daughter because the girls want sleepovers more than guys do right and So my daughter The girls in the sleep over at pizza party so my wife said I'm going to work 5 30 in the morning as a nurse You stay up with those girls We ordered pizza and maybe eight girls came not think there were 10 or 12 at the time, right? No, they were actually teens at the time and so finally I said to the girls keep it down to a roar Okay, please. I'm going upstairs to sleep now So at 1 o'clock in the morning, they're making pyramids, you know, the cheerleader pyramids goofing around Laughing fine. They're sleeping at our place downstairs all in blankets and what I have you cushions 2 o'clock in the morning my daughter Larissa comes to me in phone. It's Angela's dad I go Larissa. We're sleeping. No, no, he doesn't believe that his daughter is here at a sleepover Talk to him dad True story. I go. Hello. Who is this? I go. This is Larissa's dad. What's your address? He doesn't believe me 2206, you know, I told him the address is this what's your phone number? I 7049 was a while. Why are you asking me the question? I don't believe your Larissa's father I go you're Angela's dad. He goes. Yeah, I said guess what your daughter is here And you are freaking out and you don't trust your daughter. Have a nice night. She's well-taking care. Good night You know what it told me that he is a teenager did stuff He's embarrassed about right he snuck out and did bad stuff and so did his wife And maybe he did it with his wife when she was not his wife So he doesn't trust Angela at all but Angela's a good kid She wouldn't do any of that stuff man That's an extreme dad, right? Avoid that extreme your daughter is talking to the Larissa's dad and you don't even believe him But I tried to make my voice lower Third rule Do you know when you don't want to do you know when you really want to discipline your kids when you get mad When they break something, right? I'm gonna tell you another story and if I told any of these stories last time I was here on parenting Just forgive me gonna hear it twice So over our couch we had a beautiful painting. It was Oakland Bay in San Francisco. It was a moonlit night There's a beautiful sailboat right and the moon is shining on the waters I mean it was huge it matched the color of the blue fabric sofa We had a beautiful new sofa right really nice and the painting. I don't know My arms went that high it was beautiful beautiful furniture painting hanging on the wall So once a month we had a date night with my wife We didn't have a lot of money, but I considered an investment to take my wife out She doesn't have to cook. She does not to clean the dishes We can go out and pay a babysitter then we have a date night. It's romantic night. You know, we're young couple Fantastic, so we go out we have a date night. We have a sitter We pay the sitter Saturday morning when I wake up and I go to the living room And there is a hole in my painting about the size of a tennis ball. I Mean somebody threw it hard and I Mean broke right through I Called the boys over their names are Andrew and Luke AJ AJ Luke. I said take a look at that Hole in the painting Nobody knows anything And I'm getting mad. I love that pig. I said that hole did not appear there magically Do you know how I got there? I said What did daddy say in a menacing voice and so one of them blurred it out Well, I told him not to throw the ball. Yeah, but you didn't catch it. Ah They were play I said, okay What was the rule and this was one of the few rules I had you can throw the ball in the hallway nothing to break You could throw the ball in your bedroom trash it. Okay, we we child proof their bedroom, right? Just you know, they broke so many door basketball hoops. I just kept buying them dunking But in the living room mommy and daddy have nice things you don't throw the ball There were seven and five or eight and six. I forget So what does daddy have to do and I'm sweet? I'm just Showing you that I got them to change places with me. And so one of them. Hopefully says forgive us. I Said no because you're gonna do it again so then I Used discipline now. I was brought up were spanking was allowed Okay, and you know spanking is so Misunderstood the Bible says to use the rod for if you use a rod you will not kill him but here It actually says he will not die. I could quote it. It's in my book In Proverbs use a rod He will not die But here's the thing Child abuse comes from incredible explosions of anger and people overdo it Secondly never discipline in any method whether you use time out the rod a belt or something else when you're angry So I Would actually literally count to ten And I would say one thousand two Thousand I would walk away and my anger would cool down because I get angry fast and it's over fast Okay, I'm not a charred charlie charcoal. It keeps on burning right. I'm Freddy firecracker And it's God Here's what happens though When you count to ten when your anger cools down You don't want a discipline You actually want to give him a pass, but if you do then you've gone against your own rule, right? So then I had a prescription already set up. I said, okay Daddy has to discipline you and I kind of explained it right. I inform them By the way, did you know that yelling at your kids is so ineffective? Because they know that if you're a yeller you have to yell to the fourth degree the fourth time and then you really mean it Pick up your toys now. No result. I said pick up your toys. No result Pick up your toys. No result yank about I should pick up your toys. Okay Why are you wasting enemy energy four times? My daughter picked this up real quick. She's a mom. She says first-time obedience. Okay And she disciplines right so funny she learned from me So then I would take him in the bedroom I never embarrassed one child in front of another Take them separately and then I sat down on the bed. I said, okay daddy is gonna give you three four or five depending on the on the on the severity of the violation of the rule You know what I never did more than three Hot ones never take their pants down. That's him. That's shaming them. Don't shame your children. That's not the purpose I would say turnover and God made a beautiful round soft area that that will exactly receive those Lashings without damage and I would do it so it would sting one two three I see you could cry but softly Because they will dramatize it. They will just let you want another one. No, no, I'm good So AJ the oldest he would take it like a man like a soldier. He he was a rules follower My second son Luke. He was more of a lawyer Wait, wait, let me explain. Okay So I was standing there and he was there. I told him not to throw the ball He throws the ball, but daddy threw it wide. How am I gonna leap across the room and catch the ball when he threw it? Why? Folks I wanted to laugh It was funny I'm biting my lip not because you're gonna mess up you're gonna ruin it if you laugh Are you done? Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay turn over. No, no, there's more. There's more. There's more So he threw it like 45 degrees and I and it dad I couldn't catch it Dad, I won't do it again. I said no Luke after this you certainly will not do it again turn over and I would give him three hot ones Now here's the thing that they would cry. I would never leave the room. I Sit there give him a minute. Give him two And I said come daddy loves you They would always not once did they not Crawl into my arms cry on my shoulder. I would hug them. They were I said We're not gonna throw the ball again in the living room because we will go through this again No dad we will and they didn't That's the way if you do you spanking never use your hand Okay Use a neutral object. Your hand is to caress Okay, your hand is to hold your hand is to touch touch is important for a child. It's affection So I would use a belt, right? But I think one time Luke stopped his pants with a lot of toilet paper Because he's yelling as crime was very fake always use a neutral object by the way James Dobson says about yelling at your kids first like four times He says getting your child to obey you is like trying to turn the car by honking the horn I'll repeat that Getting your child to obey you by yelling at them is Like trying to steer a car by honking the horn Hunking has a purpose but steering directs your child. So those are the principles of discipline that I consider Effective and that I used okay Now in the principles of discipline you have to understand and discern What is necessary at what age? So let me go through that There is a progress from concrete to abstract. What do I mean by that? Concrete discipline means you make all the choices Zero to two the baby has no choice the baby cries Hungry you feed it change it put it down to sleep. Baby wakes up cries hungry Poops the diaper you clean it and you play with that and put it to sleep So after before two years of age, there's no discipline. It's just caring for the child Now two to twelve is a critical time During the ages of two to twelve years of age you actually teach your child discipline You actually teach your child a work ethic, right and you sharpen the skills of your child By teaching them how to do chores and we'll get into all of that so There are choices you make when they're three and four and five you say no you will not have ice cream eat your carrots first makes sense, right? You choose for the child But your job now Is to prepare them For the abstract Okay, so how do you prepare your child to understand not just the concrete discipline you're going to get hot ones but Is what you did right or wrong So I would appeal to their conscience not guilt them But ask them, okay Is it right to disobey your parents? What does the bible say when the bible says to honor your breath? That's right That's a teaching moment, right I asked them I turned it around. I said what would you do if you were a parent and I broke your painting? I wouldn't like it. You see what I'm saying It's a teaching moment that not only do you just let go because you're mad and something bad happened But what you do is you appeal to their conscience Always love and comfort afterwards and then discuss exactly what Natasha says. What did you learn from this? What is the lesson that came from all of this now after age 12? I would never use physical spanking never Spanking is only effective In childhood because really they don't understand now some people like some of my kids like time out But now I think I've convinced all of them that time out is not as effective The kids will go and they'll sit there. You know what they'll find something to play with in that place of time out Kids are creative And god forbid they have a secret phone in their pocket or a tablet hidden away somewhere Go to your room Yeah, real discipline, right? No, no And and you know what after 18 Basically, you have to let your child fly If we didn't do our job to 18 years of age, we're not going to do it at 20 in 2022. Are you following this? We want our kids to be saved at 18. No, I want my kids to be saved early in their childhood I want them to understand the the the ways of god and Consequences in a very good life. And that's when you do that So two to 12 is concrete heading towards abstract 12 to 18 the discipline has to be mostly abstract. Okay, you're grounded. Okay No devices. Okay. No tv. Okay. You have to you're not allowed to go out and things like that All right, let's go further now. Let's go to the second point of discipline. What about education? You will quickly discern is your child a thinker or is your child a doer where they love physical Things with their hands. There are children that are better suited to the trades and trades are honorable We need electricians. Amen. We need plumbers. We need engineers We need people who do physical labor Because america and the country in the world runs On people who do things who build things There is a point where too much education makes people talkers and not doers We have university professors who think they know everything and never did anything Now i'm not anti-education because my kids have doctorates, but they're applied sciences Are you seeing when i'm talking about And education must have an outlet where something is produced Even in the lives of other people that is positive So where do you start? You have to start when the kids are in second grade Let me let me tell you it is the most horrible thing in the world to sit while your kid does homework And you hated math and now you have to do math with it And and they don't understand a problem and you have to figure that problem I'm in the hours i spend in sd spend with our kids like But you know what the sad thing is my dad and my mom couldn't speak english and i had to do my homework all myself And my reports and my math and i struggled and i didn't want my kids to struggle like that That's what a parent can help them get good study happens In fact, we had the blessing of being close to a park wherever we lived in new jersey So i said hey guys if we get our homework out of the way I'll go i came from work, you know when i could at four o'clock right from the church office from nine to four right An sd would work two days a week or three depending on how many kids and how Young they were at the hospital as a nurse So i had a lot of the co-parenting jobs I said if we get our homework out of the way i'll ride bikes with you i had a bike They had two bikes one each and lorissa i would Duck tape a big pillow she would sit on that put her helmet on because she could never keep up with us One time we went down such a steep hill Oh my god You know i'll have to tell this story it's a great story So we went on top of the sale and you know i did it by myself and it didn't seem so dangerous because i have a 10 Speed and you could you know back pedal and you have brakes front and back and i'm big Well aj had three speed but look had a one pedal fast bike that doesn't go backwards And you can't you could just use the brake for the pedal for the brakes pushing back But if you go more than 30 miles an hour those pedals go And it's too late are standing out like this And we went down this will hill and i'm looking at him he had terror on his The poor kid was 10 years old with two legs sticking out and his pedals a blur And we went faster and faster and faster and finally somehow he jammed on the the brake at the end And we made it and lorissa on the handlebars on the pillow. I said, please don't tell mom We're at supper that night. Hey mom, you know what will we the hill we went? I said You took my kids don't Do homework early versus late Okay, don't raise your hands. Do not raise your hand. I don't want to embarrass any man How many of you had had kids who were doing their homework and they tell you that the homework has to be in tomorrow at 10 o'clock at night And at 10 p.m. At night you're doing kids homework with him Whose fault is that Yours because don't believe them when they say they have no homework. They're lying Go into their book bag pull out everything And there should be homework in there Do it early versus late and you know what your kids will never get into college unless you prepare in their junior Year in high school of that. Well, I think these are easy things now Let's go from discipline to education to a work ethic Who teaches responsibility? Does it come magically? No You have to give your child tasks A small job Okay, they don't like it. It's the hardest thing in the world. Isn't it faster if you do it yourself mom? Of course it is So what did you do you made their beds for them? Oh Hey mom. I'm the good servant You washed all the dishes You vacuumed You picked up their toys No, no, don't do that Their toys are all over the place. We'll have a place where they have bins And have that before the kid leaves the room you have to pick up your toys They it's it's a struggle for us and for anybody Teach them home chores And you know what my kids found jobs and they were 16 Now the easiest job if they're athletic is life-guarding You can take them into the town and you can get them registered with parental permission at 15 And they could do small jobs in our supermarket or they can do Life-guarding and all three of my kids learn how to work very early in their lives Let's move on to the second point Stability How do how do you give stability to your children? Well, you have to provide security And there is a point Where you build self-worth But you don't over praise your child where they become narcissistic, which means self-centered Praise is a beautiful thing, but it has to be wisely spoken Not on their beauty Okay. Oh, you're so beautiful. Oh, you're so cute. We always give those a compliment The better compliment that will not make them swell headed or narcissistic self-centered is to say, good job Wow, you're faithful Thank you for your obedience Oh, I'm so pleased With what you did for daddy or mommy or this or that And you know what? Unconditional love Natasha mentioned it. That's part of acceptance encouragement Encouragement is the best positive Input you give your child Do you know that The heavenly father encouraged Jesus in his first step of public obedience in his ministry You know when that happened you do Add his water baptism Now Jesus got water baptized not because he was sinner and needed to repent John said you should baptize me and Jesus's answer was very wise. He said no, I need to fulfill all righteousness And so John agreed and John baptized him the father in heaven Seeing the obedience of the son by the way, hebrew says although Jesus was the son He learned obedience to the things he suffered Imagine god Being obedient to his parents at 12 imagine god being obedient to his heavenly father at 30 That the father in heaven was pleased What did he say in his satisfaction? He verbalized it You know americans do this easier slavic people hardly ever encourage If you do something bad, you'll hear about it. Are you something right? Well, you not you should have done that Tak должно быть taki treba. No, no, no Say good job So the father in heaven said about Jesus. This is my what kind of son Beloved son, and what about him? I am well pleased He verbalized it on three occasions But those words on the mount of transfiguration was another and another time when greeks came to see Jesus And jesus said i've come to glorify your name and the father said it again Do you know that jesus did that with peter right before peter would be the do the ugliest thing he ever did in his life the worst sin he ever committed to deny his lord and his savior And you know what jesus did he said peter you're gonna stumble peter satan has asked you to sift you to crush you Peter you're gonna stumble you're gonna fall i see it But peter i have prayed for you And when you are converted that is when you really repent Come back and then strengthen your brothers By the way, jesus told lots of parables remember the parable of the five talents the two talents and the one talent, right? What did jesus say to both the first two when they did their jobs he brought five more He brought two more correct. What did jesus say to those people in the parable? Well done Thou good and faithful servant Enter into my joy You have to verbalize encouragement and encouragement is the fuel that will It reinforce positive behavior when your child does the right thing verbalize it When they obey a good reasonable rule praise them for it I'm gonna tell you another story this happened in my in my young years I became a pastor at 28. I knew everything just ask me. I could tell you the answer to anything At least I thought I did Young people are full of confidence. By the way the verse that the lord kept on Speaking to my heart was the self-sufficient fool false flat on his face I've done that so many times in my life because I was Very confident. I was very Extroverted and when I just became pastor my dad retired and he sat in the first pew Just listening to his son preach. I have four sisters. I'm the only son, right? So I was the joy of his heart And so I prepared this message. I'm going to just slay the crowd This is going to be amazing And in my pride and in my arrogance and in my overconfidence. I fell flat on my face I said what I didn't want to say. I didn't say what I wrote down to say. In other words, it was a disaster It was a terrible sermon And I knew it I put my head down And I don't want to greet anybody You ever have those embarrassing moments where you messed up publicly Not something evil or bad, but you're embarrassed I put my head down. I'm heading up the church and then my dad. He's only five six. He's a small man He stopped me his son. He said good sermon I looked up. I said dad You know And I know That was a terrible sermon, but you're my dad and that's why you said that He laughed he chuckled. Yeah Even agreed And then he said his words, but son You are a gift from god to me I looked in his eyes. I wanted to see if you really meant it You know what? His eyes were glistening Because he saw I was in pain And he said that I was a gift from god to him Do you know something men that meant to me more That anything other men thought of me in that moment Do you know men need affirmation from other men? And when we receive a little light of affirmation when we need it most we feel like tarzan We feel like we can do anything And then we don't care what other people say Because the man who is most important in my life is my dad And he is proud of me Fathers I want you to do that with your sons and your daughters You will give them fuel To be magnificent kids You will energize their motivation By giving praise at An opportune time when they need it the most And then another way you give stability to your kids is you define your family values Now remember you have to say to your child Look every family is different You know why you have to say that? Because your kids will say to you dad Everybody does that Everybody in my class has that whether it's a cell phone or a tablet Dad they allow their kids to do that Now you pick and choose what activities you say yes or no to correct But this is what you must teach your child In our family we have our values Now it's not a matter of right and wrong and it's not even a matter of sin or permissible It's a matter of what we allow our family to do or we don't and you'll just have to make your values when you're a parent Kids won't like it, but they will understand it. Are you following? So you establish your family values by the way As a pastor, I did not have family devotions with my children every day I did pray with them every morning and I'll tell you maybe a little bit further about that But once or twice a week We would have a family gathering And keep your devotions not more than 10 minutes kids have the attention span of a nap Read just a few verses of scripture Now pentecostals like to pray all at once in a concert of prayer But you know what? I had the three children and my wife and I five So I said let's pray in a circle. Okay, mom you start a j. Luke We're a suck and I'll finish and we would pray in a circle in this way I kept my finger on the pulse of my kids spiritual lives. You get it following this, right? And when they're like little it's never too young to start my kids were three years old Soon as they said dad dad mama. Well, I want I have please Then I said, okay, let's pray we kneel by their bed at night And I say repeat after me dear Jesus dear Jesus Thank you for the day. Thank you for the day When they're about four You'll know the age. Okay. I said now you pray by yourself and they do When my child was seven I had I was pastoring all this time I was home home home home home home and then the Soviet Union fell and God was calling me to do missions work, right and I'd go Ones twice and then I think about four or five times a year, but I commute right come back So I said to my seven-year-old son. I said daddy has to go to Ukraine to preach the gospel So I have to be away So my dad so my son he didn't understand nights or days. He said daddy. How many sleeps is that? He knew sleeps right So I said give me your fingers one two three four five In five more ten sleeps. He looked at his ten sleeps dad. That's too long. I don't want you to go to Ukraine He loved his dad So then I made a teaching moment, right Jesus always taught as the thing, you know, they're walking by A vineyard and he talked about a vineyard, right? They're talking about a man sowing a seed and he talked about it So I said AJ I said daddy has to go only to tell people about Jesus And so when I'm done, I'll come back and I'll buy you something. I hope, you know, I'm bribing it, right? He didn't say anything about that time to go to bed. Okay, AJ you pray first and Luke, okay? Larissa was really small in He prays dear Jesus I don't want my dad to go to Ukraine. I mean, he's honest, right? I mean, that's honest And I wait to see what happens next But Jesus, I know he has to tell people about you Bless my dad and bring him back home safe. Amen I had a lump in my throat I thought this little boy loves his dad. He's honest about not wanting me to go but He understands we have a higher Power that we are under the authority of And he gave me to Jesus for those days. That's a big sacrifice for a little boy When my daughter started to cry or complain daddy, do you have to go? I said Larissa, I don't want to leave you. I want you to send me Put your hand on my back. Okay? Okay She's 10 now I said send daddy to the mission field and Jesus will be with you while I'm gone and I'll pray for you every day So she would say Jesus blood and as she prayed she released me to God So these are things That are challenges But you define your family values Now the third part of the arrow is that straight piece of wood Has to be straight. Let me use the word balance Now, what would you say are the priorities? How many ministers Well, that's getting too close. How many missionaries How many A way evangelists have saved the world and lost their children. You might know of some So how do we do the work of the ministry and save others but not lose our own children? Well You see your ministry is not the first priority of your life God is Your devotion to God goes above wife children and everyone you love Because you have to love God more than anything Jesus even said that Having said that your second priority believe it or not is your wife your husband And your family Your ministry is not placed above your children They asked billy gram who was one of the most successful evangelists ever If he could do one thing over again, what would it be? He said not to be away from my family as long as I was I could tell you other personal things about billy or franklin because I've worked with them with franklin And that is a challenge And so we have to balance How long we are away lauren cunningham would began youth the mission was a great influence in my life He in ukraine. I took him to ukraine. He wanted to be in every country in the world and he chose me to take him to ukraine And we're in the car and he told me something that changed my life He said george, how long should you think you should be away from your children? I said I don't know lauren What do you think he said I have friends who've lost their children to ministry They've saved the world and the kids went into the world He said I asked god how he had two children that are now grown adults. He said, how do I keep my children from Walking away from church when i'm gone Because i'm not there They were teenagers And god took him to the place where the wisest man built the house of god Solomon right When Solomon hired workers, what did he do? He hired them for 30 days watch this And then he sent them home for twice that amount They worked 30 and they were home 60 He says it's not a law Okay, it's not a commandment But it's a effective spiritual principle if you could discern the difference right He says never be away from your children or family more than 30 days I never was away more than 15 days That was my limit. I did half And never be away more than one third of your time So as I shifted from pastoring to being a missionary my kids were little and we made a decision not to move to Ukraine Because I wanted their schooling to be in america and and and it proved to be right. We prayed about it But none of my kids went into the world not one day because I did not that's god. That's god That's god That's god They knew that they were my first priority when I was a pastor and when I was a missionary and then I took a meet on mission strip when I could God family Church or ministry And then it's your work Men can be workaholics. Is this true? Men find their identity in their mission in their calling in their success Whether they're good carpenters plumbers preachers executive ceo's Corporate people They find they could work and work and work and make lots of money. I got news for you. Your kids don't want money They want you I did a facebook quiz One question facebook kids quiz At that time I had 8 000 followers on my page not a lot, but anyway, they're mostly slavic kids Both in ukraine and here, right? It was a one question kid quiz and it says What do you think is the number one need in slavic churches? What a loaded question, right? This is with a russian or ukrainian emphasis Well, I expected that the number one answer be more english, right? One kid said better wi-fi in church What is the number one need in slavic churches today? Well, more english was number three Number two was and this is more not about your church because you have excellent communicators here And I'm not just saying that you really do I wish my pastor would prepare better sermons Whoa, what an indictment of preachers, right? Kids will listen but do your job, right? I was shocked to read the number one answer you want to hear the one number one answer that kids said Is the number one need in slavic churches? I would take the word slavic out of there the number one need in churches today They said and I tallied them I wish my dad spent more time with me dropped the mic Dude, hey, nobody's shouting amen here Nobody is like hallelujah. We're like, oh, that's me Yeah, it's me too I wish my dad Spent more time with me Boys get their identity from their father And we have a crisis Not of poverty in america Not of bad name. We have a crisis of fathers If we had father most of the men in jail Either had no father or a really bad father An alcoholic father An abusive father And that's why I wrote a book for fathers. It's coming out in about a month In my father's house. You can go to george daviduk.com and download an amazon That's my first book and it has all this stuff in it All right, number four Natasha hit the hit the target. She says you have to have a target Give your children directions arrows need a well-defined target Vision and goals you actually will hit something if you aim, right? Now this is specific to me But I want to throw it out to you Because I believe this was not just for me That it's applicable to every dad and every mom if you have vision from god Now watch you'll have to track this I had an argument with my father. I think I said this last time I was here or the time before Why do I have to go to stink in ukrainian school on saturday mornings? And my dad answered he said because one day the borders will open and you'll speak and preach in your native language My dad saw that I call this Active listening not to the child to god Now parents you will not call your children to a vocation Case in point my father was a minister. He did not call me to ministry He'd heard from god that god would call me And then god revealed to him the direction of the target god would shoot this arrow this arrow That's what he mentioned to me And I fought it and fought it until I went to the soviet union in age 19 And god slew me on my heart broke when I saw those christians on fire for god. That's a long story Well, you may say well, that's specific to you george way way way when my wife Was five years old her grandfather who happened to be named george was dying of cancer They visited him in his bedroom And of the five sisters of the five girls in her family esti is the middle child. I'm the middle child Esti took a ragged cold water squeezed it and she went to grandfather george's forehead and would dab his forehead And he said to her esti esti You are my nurse Whoa from a man who's dying of cancer He planted a seed. I think god gave that to him and my wife became a nurse. What do you think coincidence? Well, there's something third that happened with my children and it's in the book I prayed for esti get pregnant because she was having difficulty I went to the church office and I said god if you give me a son I'll give him into ministry and so forth. So when god said he'll be a doctor. I'm like what? I said god wait wait wait the firstborn belongs to the lord He could be a pastor. He could be a minister. He could be an evangelist. He could be a professional preacher God said I said he will be a doctor Now don't ask me why god called him to be a doctor But I think it's because he wants to call his grandson graham. They named him graham after billy graham. That's another story You know Listen to what your child loves. Listen to what they say By the way eight years of age my son comes to my mom to my wife. He says mom I know what I want to be when I grow up. She said what son? I want to be a doctor. Did you talk to dad? No, mom. No, why do you want to be a doctor? I don't know mom. I think he's in my heart And he became a doctor. He says sir What goals do you have for your child? What vision has god given you a glimpse of? Whisper it to a heart. Do you know when bait when baby moses was pulled out of the river? Do you know what I think? Jacobette his biological mother who became his nanny said to him She said moisture moisture Moses right You're not egyptian. You're jewish Don't forget Do you know she whispered that to his heart? As he grew in he was the grandson of pharaoh. Are you following? And when he became A grown man and god called him at the age of 80 He refused to be called the son of the daughter of pharaoh Right because of something that his mom whispered in his heart Now we're coming to the end of our session. Okay number five and i'll release you to go There's a second session that will give you with paperwork That will be 14 habits and they'll talk about some of the things I said and other things I didn't say So I knew I wouldn't be able to say all of it Arrows were not made to be left in the bag. They were made to fly The number one struggle with parents with kids is trust. How can I let my kids go? I don't trust them to do the right thing That's your problem dad. That's your problem mom mom You have to build trust. I did something crazy with my kids In high school I thought of their college years What do kids do the first year at college away from home? They go crazy. Yes. Hello They'll stay up all night miss class goof off because of freedom Right I said to my wife, I have an idea which is very radical, but I need you to agree otherwise it won't work What I said, how about if we take off their curfew in their senior year at high school? She said what I said, no, no seriously let him come home anytime he wants But I know where he is and I'll give him then was a primitive flip phone, right? That's all it was I would give him you have to call me and I'll wait for you when you come home But rule number two you have to go to school next day That's it. I said, yeah, really? Yeah, no curfew senior year Do you know he never came past one o'clock? He'd always come 1130 12 o'clock And that was doable In his first year at college two hours away. He did not go crazy Because when you can do it, you don't want to do it. Are you following? Whoa So you bill trust before we did that with luke we did that with lorissa None of them came late every one of them treated it as a privilege And when I did have a curfew when they're juniors and sophomores I said 10 30 if you come 11 o'clock next time you'll come home 10 I will take away a half an hour if you come earlier. I will add a half an hour. They always came early I'm serious. That's how you build trust And then there's a timing and when the time to fly goes you have to release them One more thing and I'll tell you a story and I'll finish All right, the preacher is always saying one last thing, right? When your child marries, this is so important everyone Because you married How many of you don't raise your hands your mom and your dad still want to interfere and tell you What to do Now advice is one thing Council is one thing But when a child gets married, they go out from under your chain of command To a chain of council. Are you following? So now my kids are all married when I visit my Grown children's homes Andrew luke lorissa or isaac her husband I sit down at the table when it's time to eat. I don't say a word. They say who prays Their house their rules Dad would you pray? Yes, I pray More often than not they'll pray Don't start to Command your children when they're already grown because then you're pushing your children away Let me say this to you That the hardest thing to do is to let go I might have told this story, but I have to tell it again for those that didn't hear it or were not here My test came when my son first born had to go to college two years away two hours away. Excuse me, right? And I had a list of things I wanted to tell him in my head. Don't get drunk. Don't Get a girl pregnant. Don't steal anything. Don't don't don't don't those that was my rules, right? And god said don't tell him any of those things. He knows them So what do I tell him? I think that the reason why we say that don't because it makes us feel better. They're not listening Right So We set him up in his rooms time to say goodbye. What do I say? Tell him you believe in him. Tell him you trust him And so I did and he had tears in his eyes. He said that I will not let you down And you know, he didn't let me down in those four years. He met the love of his life and athletes of uh, and kids came up to me and spoke to me of his incredible Christian character and all three of my children were real witnesses in college And throw the last one on the board and let's do them quickly Children are our arrows so sharpen their skill set. That's discipline education work ethic Second stabilize them how by giving them encouragement third give balance to that shaft of the arrow how By setting priorities for yourself and teaching them how to balance priorities. What comes first? Family ministry Worker school number four Give them direction aim them and then five let them go Release them and that is a question of timing. Would you stand with me? Can I pray for you? Can I pray for you who are parents? Can I pray for you single people who one day will marry and become parents? Father in Jesus name, we thank you for this time together Father in Jesus name, we thank you That we could talk about the word of God And we pray that you would take the word of God And make it something special for our children Father in the song called the blessing which was actually modeled on blessings of the bible Your word said you would bless us to the thousandth generation of those who fear you You said i'm with you your children will be like olive shoots around your table You would say you said you would bless the children of our children And lord we hunger for that Father forgive us as dads If we've been lazy If we've been Forgive us father when we lose our temper Forgive us when we just Are gone and we are home, but not engaged or participating in the rearing of our sons And our daughters Forgive us if we give them things and not time Forgive us if we said things that were abusive or wrong Forgive us i pray Bless every mom who does double duty Cooks and cleans and works and prays Help us to treat our wives as partners and help Alleviate the load on their shoulders And father take our sons and our daughters and raise them to be a hungry generation Raise them up to be a powerful generation Raise them up to be leaders of righteousness And we give them to you and i bless these dads and moms and single people here in jesus name And all god's people said