 The Great Nuts Flakes Program coming to you from Bangor, Maine, where we are broadcasting for pilots and ground crew of Dahlfield and starring Jack Benny, with Mary Livingston from Rochester, yours truly, Don Wilson, and our guest conductor, Abe Lyman. Have you ever noticed the way a man greets his wife before breakfast? He says, uh, hello wife. Sounds pretty glum, doesn't he? But just sit that same grumpy guy down to a big tempting bowl full of delicious toasty brown Great Nuts Flakes. Just let him sample that wide awake, malty, rich goodness. And he'll manage time out to say, hello darling, gee, but these Great Nuts Flakes take swell. Yes, ma'am, that's the kind of morning magic you can work any day in the week with those delicious, sweet as a nut, Great Nuts Flakes, thanks to the super swell flavor that's so entirely different from any other flake cereal because it's a rich, two-grain blend of sun-ripened wheat and malted barley. So get set for swell-tasting breakfast and get set for plenty of praise by asking your grocer for delicious toasty brown Great Nuts Flakes in the 12-ounce economy-sized package. He played by the orchestra. Now, ladies and gentlemen, from the Bangor Opera House in Bangor, Maine, we bring you a comedian you'll get a big bang out of. Jack, thank you, thank you. Hello again, this is Jack Benny talking. And Don, I could see that introduction coming a mile away. That's a pretty corny build-up to give me in front of all these boys from Dow Field. That's right, Jack, the old opera house is packed to the raptures. Imagine all these soldiers turning out to see us on a cold night like this. Oh, I don't think it's so very cold up here. Why, I'm as warm as toast myself. Why not? You got more fat on you than a 10-cent pork chop. No kidding. Now, wait a minute, Jack, I'm not so fat. Oh, no, I wish I had a nickel for every time your girdle had a nervous breakdown. And don't tell me it isn't cold here. I slept under 12 blankets last night. I felt like the bottom wheat cake. You know, Don, weather like this. Come in. Mr. Benny. Yes? On behalf of the fishermen of Penobscot Bay, I'd like to present you with this real live lobster. Well, thanks very much. I'll have them for dinner. Oh, he's had dinner. Why don't you take him to a movie? Isn't that sweet a live lobster? Everybody's so nice up here. You know, Don, I'll never forget that reception at the station where we arrived. They had tanks and jeeps and slaves, soldiers, Indians. You know, a real Indian drove me from the station to my hotel. Are you sure he was a real Indian? I think so. When he left, he had my toupee hanging from his belt. And I bought it just with his cold weather. Oh, hello, Mary. Hello, Jack. Hi, fellas. Well, Mary, here we are in Bangor, the easternmost city in the United States. Yeah, just think. A few weeks ago, we were in sunny California. And here we are in the rock-bound coast of Maine. Yes, ma'am. Boy, what a walk. We didn't walk. We took the train. But you know, Mary, the way we've been traveling lately, we're gypsies, regular gypsies. That reminds me. I wish you'd quit playing your fiddle every time we stop off at a railroad station. Oh, the few pennies I pick up hardly pay for the rosin. Forget it. And dangling Dennis' day out of the window on a string. Never mind. People know he's not a monkey. Well, as long as Dennis believes it, that's all that's necessary. Here comes the kid now. Hello, Dennis. Boy, am I sick of peanuts. That's it, Dennis, tip your little red hat. And listen, kid, you don't have to live on peanuts while you're up here in Maine, eat seafood. Seafood is what this place is famous for. Well, personally, I think they overdo it a little. What do you mean? Well, I ordered breakfast this morning and the waiter brought me an order of clam and eggs. Well, that's what I mean. Everything is seafood here. Yesterday was my birthday, and they brought me a codfish cake with a candle on it. What? I don't care much for codfish, but the candle was delicious. Well, Dennis, I didn't know yesterday was your birthday. Why didn't you give me a hint and I'd have gotten your present? Well, gee, I wrote you a note and went up to your room at the banger house and pinned it onto your pillow. Oh, was that your note? I thought it's from the chambermaid and I sent her a bottle of perfume, channel number five. That's Chanel number five. This was channel. It came straight from the Penobscot River. Anyway, Dennis, when I go shopping tomorrow, I'll get you something for your birthday. Now, what do you want? Would a gold wristwatch be asking too much? Yes. And now, ladies and gentlemen, Dennis Day will sing, go away, kid, go away. Dennis Day will sing a delightful number written by Cole Porter called the, come in. Special delivery for Jack Benny. Taken, Mary. Wait a minute, bud. Here's a tip for you. Oh, boy, a nickel. Now I can call up my wife and tell her to get that man out of the house. I knew he'd appreciate it. Who's the letter from, Mary? Let's see, F-I-L. It's from Phil Harris. Oh, good old Phil. Boy, he's in the Merchant Marine now. What does he say, Mary? Dear Jackson, here I am in the Navy, and I can't tell you how much good it has done me. Well? Remember those bags I used to have under my eyes? Well, they gave me a cap that was too big, and now you can't see them. You must be the picture of health on the nose up. My work here is almost the same as when I was a band leader, except that I have a much longer baton, and there's a mop on the end of it. Scrub on the floor, eh? Frank Remley, my guitar player, is going to make a wonderful sailor. He has finally learned how to salute without sticking his thumb in his eye. I knew he'd make good. And no more news, Jackson, but before I close, I want to thank you very much for that cigarette you sent me. Me and the boys enjoyed it very much. What's he talking about? I sent him a whole package of cigarettes. Happy New Year and love to the whole gang from Barnacle Phil the Sailor. And if you're listening in, Phil, happy New Year to you and all the boys at Catalina. Let's have your song, Dennis. Would be so, the stoner and all by the wind would be so. How would you be so nice to come home to sung by Dennis Day? And very good, Dennis. Thanks, Mr. Benny. And I want to dedicate that number to a very sweet girl I met at the peacock room last night, Betty Lou Bumgarder. If you remember, Dennis, I introduced you to Miss Bumgarder. I met her first. What do you mean you met her first? You were both sitting at a table and she came over and took your order. I'm not talking about the waitress. I mean the beautiful girl Dennis and I danced with. And what a dress she had on. Wow. Well, it was a rather daring outfit. One of those strapless evening gowns. I got so nervous I made her put on my suspenders. Yes, daughter, when you got up to dance with her, your pants fell down. Anyway, Dennis, you owe me for half the dinner. What about the cab fare for taking Betty Lou home? I ought to pay half of that, too. No, no, Dennis, you'll remember you didn't ride with us. I took Betty Lou home alone. Oh, yeah? That wasn't a spare tire hanging on the back, brother. What? Were you peeking through that window, Dennis? I never saw so much kissing in all my life. Now, wait a minute, young man. I never kissed Betty Lou once. I mean the cab driver after you fell asleep. Oh, so that's why he wouldn't take a tip. Well, anyway, kid, we'll straighten out what you owe me later. Now, where's Abe Lyman? It's about time for a number. I've been looking all over for Abe, and he doesn't seem to be around. That's funny. He knows the program starts at 7 o'clock. You'd think that after. Oh, here he is now. Hi, Jack. Sorry I'm late. Hello, fellas. I was wondering why you weren't around, Abe. Where have you been? Well, it's simply a long time to get here. I'm living over in Bath, 100 miles away. You're living in Bath, Maine? Yeah, I got a room in Bath like you told me to. I told you to get a room and Bath, and and. I met at the Bangor House at the Penobscot Exchange. Well, ain't I a big jerk? You certainly are. Believe me, from now on, when we're traveling around, I'm going to write everything down on a piece of paper and give it to you. Who'll he get to read it to him? Oh, Abe can read. He can write a little, too. Abe, how do you like it up here, Maine? Well, you know, I've never been here before. Well, it doesn't take him long to get acquainted. Got a load of those three girls he brought to the show. Where, where, where? Wait, let me get my glasses. Oh, yeah. Yeah, standing at the wings. Yeah, I like that tall one there. Hello, honey. Hi, Aunt Sweetheart. What's that? That's the electrician. The girls are on the other side. Oh, yes, yes. Three girls, yeah. Well, I got ahead of you, Abe. You're a regular Casanova. Casanova? Yeah. Say, is that Lou Nova's brother? Yes, yes. In a way, only Casanova was more of a wrestler than a boxer, you know? Anyway, Abe, isn't it a thrill for all of us to be broadcasting way down east in Maine? Maine in the wintertime, with its snow covered hills, its rivers frosted by mother nature, and snowflakes fluttering down on the peaceful countryside. Ah, you're right, Jack. And there's only one thing more beautiful than snowflakes fluttering down from the sky. What's that, Don? Great nuts flakes fluttering from the big 12-ounce economy-sized package. And everybody loves them, Jack, because they contain iron, niacin, and vitamin B1. Snowflakes? No, grape nuts flakes. Oh, oh, oh, I see. And I tell you, Jack, it's a real thrill when you wake up in the morning. Rush over to close the window and feel a beating against your face. Grape nuts flakes? No, snowflakes. Oh, oh, oh, of course, snowflakes. And when you jump into your clothes and rush downstairs, what do you find waiting for you on the breakfast table? A nice big bowl. And what's in that bowl? Face flakes. I mean, snowflakes. I mean, grape nuts flakes. I'll get fired for this. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, a bowl of toasty brown sweet is a nut-grape nuts flakes. 30 years in show business, I had to make a mistake like that. Play, Lyman. Thank heaven I got a little chicken farm in Warkegan. The song played by Abe Lyman and his orchestra and with a vocal chorus by everybody in the audience. Boy, could we have used Rudy Valle tonight. Say, before I forget it, tomorrow night, you and your band and our whole gang are giving a show for the boys at the Boston Navy Eye. Tomorrow night, I thought you were all going to stay up here and go bear hunting tomorrow. No, no, I went bear hunting yesterday. Had a lot of fun, too. Fun? Ha, ha, ha. Tell him what happened. Tell him what happened. Tell him what happened. Nobody's interested. Oh, I am, Mary, and I tell us all about it. Well, well, it seems that Jack promised Ms. Baumgarder a new fur coat. I did not. So he bought a gun and went out to bag a bear for his bag. She's not a bag. She's very cute. She got better-looking legs than Lieutenant Olson. I heard about that, fellas. Go ahead, Barry. Anyway, Friday afternoon, Dennis, Jack, Rochester, myself, drove up to Guernsey's Winter Sports Lodge. And the next morning must have been about 5 AM. I heard the alarm clock ringing in Jack's room. Holy smoke, it's 5 o'clock already. Mr. Benny, wake up. Wake up, Mr. Benny, wake up. And as president of the United States, I hereby promise he'll, oh, hello. Hello, Dennis. What's the matter? If you want to go out bear hunting, we better get started. Yeah. Kids, chilly this morning. I'll bet it's below zero in here. You sure look funny, Mr. Benny. The cold cream has all froze to your face. Yeah, I feel like I've been varnished. Well, I might as well take my morning shower. A shower? There isn't any hot water. What do I care? I can take it. Well, here goes. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. I tell you, Dennis, woo, woo, woo. There's nothing like a cold shower to wake you up in the morning. When are you going to get underneath it, Mr. Benny? I wouldn't get under that thing for a million dollars. Well, that's that. Come on, kid. I'm hungry. Let's go out to the kitchen and have breakfast. Anyway, Salas, after breakfast, Jack went over to Rochester's room, had an awful time getting him away. You could hear Jack yelling at the top of his voice. Rochester. Hey, Rochester. Come on, Rochester. We've got to get going. Rochester, wake up. What time is it, sugar? 30, and it's me. I'll kick those blankets off and get your clothes on. I haven't had my clothes off since we left California. Well, then get up. And listen, what's the idea of wearing those earmuffs in bed? That's all I don't have in the morning. Now, Rochester, quit stalling. I'll give you just three to get out of that bed. One, if you don't get up right away, I'm going to put you under a cold shower. That doesn't. Yeah, come on, boy. Hurry up. We're all waiting for you. We'll get started in a few minutes, Mary. Now, where's that Indian guide? He should be here by now. What do you want a guide for? Because they know where the hunting's good. They're leading me right to the bear, and the moose, and the ducks. I'd sure like to get a mess of ducks. How can you have the heart to shoot a duck when you walk like one? Lastly, I walk a little funny. I'm wearing snowshoes. That must be our guide now. Come in. Well. Well, well, hello there. Do you want an Indian guide? That's right. What's your name? My me, Chief Leaping Goose. Do you? A leaping goose. How many strings of bead you want them for being guide? No beads, brothers, stricter cash. All right, I'll give you $5. Well, we might as well get started. Hand me those two sweaters, Mary. Two more? Well, it's cold. My teeth were chattering all night. Why didn't you keep them in your mouth where it's warm? Don't be funny. Hand me that sweater, Dennis. Here you are. Gee, this is a pretty sweater. Where'd you get it, Mr. Benny? It's one Lana Turner wore in a picture. I admired it, and she sent it to me. Well, somehow on you it doesn't thrill me. Not supposed to thrill you. Now, where is that Rochester? Oh, Rochester. If you don't hurry, we're going with, ah, here, when you come back with a candle in the- Oh, come on, leaping goose. Let's get our- Leaping goose. Let's get our equipment together. Oh, boy, we're going bear hunting. They were walking through the snow for three hours. Hey, leaping goose, we haven't seen a bear or a moose or anything. Leaping goose, much embarrassed. His face very red. Of course it's red, you're an Indian. I know how to get a moose, now quiet everybody. That's the mating call of the wild moose. Are you going to marry a moose, Mr. Benny? No, I want to shoot one. There are a lot of them around. Well, what do you want to shoot a moose for? He wants to get a hat rack the hard way. I want to get a bear, that's what I want. Now, stick close to me, Mary. OK. You too, Dennis. Yes, sir. And Rochester. Rochester, keep up with us. I don't want you to get lost in this snow. Who, me? Just stay near us, that's all. Say, Mr. Benny, what's that? What's what? That little animal sitting on the log over there. Well, I'll be darned. It's a mink. I think that's a skunk, Jack. It is not a skunk. Oh, boss, inhale. Well, I'll be darned. Run, fellas, run for your life. Hey, you know what? That really was a skunk. You're telling me. Walk behind us, Dennis, way behind. Hey, leaping goose, what are you going to find a bear for us? Look, pale face, here come man in fur coat. Maybe he help us. Yeah, he might at that. Hey, mister, can you tell us where we can find a grub, a grub, a grub? Man in a fur coat? That's a bear. What's the matter with you? Now, stand back, everybody. I'm going to advance and shoot him. Well, be careful, Jack. Boy, it's a big one. We'll let him have it right between his eyes. You mean between your eyes? Turn that gut around. Oh, my goodness. Now, watch me get him. What's up, boss? You're getting too close. I don't want to miss him. Here goes. Ready? Well, I'll be. Now, listen, bear. Give me back my gun. Back, I say. Pick him up, Mr. Benny. He's got your cover. I've got my hands up. Come out here to shoot you. I was after the moves. I want to get a hat rack. You've got to believe me. Please don't shoot. I'm too young to die. And besides, I'm out of season. You can't do it. I tell you. Have you ever noticed how proud grandma feels when she sizes up junior and says, my, my, how he's grown? Well, we feel very much the same way about delicious toasty brown grape nut flakes, because boy, how they've grown. Why, the increase in your purchases of grape nut flakes during the past three years has been more than that of all other ready-to-eat cereals put together. And there's a reason, in fact, two big reasons. First, it's the multi-rich sweet as a nut flavor of grape nut flakes. Second, it's the ground nourishment you get from grape nut flakes. You see, they're a whole grain cereal, bringing you important vital food factors you find in the natural whole wheat plus extra vitamin B1. Essential food values recommended as part of your daily diet by our national nutrition program. So for delicious, nutritious breakfasts, served tempting toasty brown grape nut flakes, America's fastest-growing breakfast cereal. Fast number of the 14th program in the new grape nut flakes series. And we'll be with you again next Sunday night at the same time. We've all had a great time up here in Maine. I want to thank Governor Sewell, city manager Farnsworth, Colonel Valentine, and all the boys at Dow Field. Say, Mary, before we leave for Boston tomorrow, let's go ice fishing. Ice fishing. Yeah, it's a great sport around here. You cut a hole in the ice drop in your line with a hook on it and catch a fish. Anything over a half a pound would pull you right in. Yeah, I guess so. Good night, folks. The program is written by Bill Morrow.