 So hello to all my name is Ashley Burns, and I am honored to serve as DAB's Deputy National Communications Director On behalf of DAB and Camp Corral I'd like to welcome all of you to this special military and veterans children's caregivers seminar presented in conjunction with Camp Corral To talk about some of the things that military and veteran children caregivers want you to know about their role Their responsibility and their resiliency So as a combat veteran and a mother myself I can state unequivocally that the issues that are going to be discussed today with such long-term and wide-ranging ramifications can only be solved through collaboration and multi-approach Now this seminar will bring much needed awareness to the issues at hand with perspectives from experts in caregiver wellness Disabled veterans and perhaps most importantly from caregiver kids and military veterans themselves In partnership with DAB Camp Corral provides free one-of-a-kind summer camp experiences for children aged 8 to 15 Whose parents are wounded disabled or have fallen in military service The organization partners with accredited community entities that offer traditional camp experiences Through activities like horseback riding canoeing and rock climbing all those camp things that you do as a kid Giving these children a chance to connect with other kids who come from similar circumstances A feature that's unique to the camp Corral camp Corral experience is that a military family life counselor Is on-site to work with campers as they as they need it? To date camp Corral has served over 24,000 children from military families and through DAB's just be kids scholarship program More than 4500 children have wounded disabled or fallen veterans throughout the nation have attended camp Corral programs completely for free We're grateful for camp Corral's partnership with DAV the DAV throughout all the years that we've worked together DAV is deeply committed to continuing our work with camp Corral to generate awareness Strengthen policies in this area and to catalyze cross-sector collaboration in partnership with you and other organizations Because if we work together If we bring together all of our various skills and expertise Influence and advocacy will have a much greater impact in supporting caregivers and disabled veterans alike Too often the voices of caregiver kids can get lost in the waves of responsibility that befall a family of someone who has become Seriously seriously disabled and some of you here with us today may have experienced that yourselves in your own families But now I think what I'd really like to do and it is my honor and privilege to kick off the seminar seminar with a Video that's going to help us amplify those voices. So without further ado This course of 15 things military and veterans kids want you to know Military kids miss their parents where they're deployed no matter how long they're away Sometimes families know in advance about a deployment Other times parents can be called away Unexpectedly for lots of reasons and there is not much time to prepare and say goodbye This is definitely a case with national garden parents who might be called away to help in an emergency Regardless of the circumstance military youth say despite how much they miss their mom or dad They understand the reasons for his or her absence from their family Compared to the non-military peers Children of active-duty families have a deeper understanding of the concept of serving something larger than yourself They know their parents signed up to protect their country and in doing so protect them and all of us Even at a young age, they understand how important this is and that their parents service matters very much to the people of America They have a unique comprehension of the word hero and how it means making a sacrifice for the good of something or someone else A lot of military and veterans children don't have a lot of details about what their active-duty parents experienced during deployments What they do know is that sometimes mom or dad comes home looking the same but acting differently Other times if they have experienced a physical injury They may look different as well or they might not be able to participate in activities the same way they used to The children of veterans may live in a house where loved ones experience trauma or has a different injuries They can be confusing for military kids and can acquire adjustment for the whole family Resources are offered by the military or in the community like family or individual counseling or events for military kids To help children manage their adjustment to visible and invisible injuries in their parents Moving around makes it hard to make and keep friends The military family lifestyle is unique and presents certain challenges However for most military kids even very stressful situations or unique circumstances can feel normal It's just the way it is in their households deployments moving to and going to schools in different states or foreign countries and Being far away from family and friends are just a few of the experiences military kids share Finding ways to connect other military and veterans kids can help to normalize their feelings about this and provide an outlet for stress After all, there's nothing quite like talking to someone who knows what you're going through We deal with complicated feelings Military kids often experience a lot of conflicting emotions They're proud of their parents service and have me be a partner something that matters so much to their parents But as they grow and learn more about their parents jobs, they develop an understanding about the dangers he or she might face They often live with unspoken fear that something will happen to their parents Especially when they're far away in the middle part of the world The conflicting emotions occur partly because the culture of the military one that values bravery Selflessness and teamwork gets translated to the children with active-duty service members in these situations Without anyone specifically telling them to Military and veterans kids can feel ashamed to be afraid They want to be brave like their parents are and make their parents proud of their courage Many times this leads to military children keeping a lot of their complex feelings about their family to themselves Sometimes we don't want to talk about it Military and veterans kids want to be treated like other kids Regardless of the fact that their parents wore the country's uniform a small percentage of Americans have ever served in the military And even fewer are currently serving in active duty You can imagine this means that for military kids They often find themselves in situations where people don't know what life is like for them or their family Quite simply military kids say they sometimes just don't want to talk about it or explain it Military kids also want those other people in their lives to understand they are not responsible for Nor do they understand military decisions that affect their family directly and please don't ask military kids about their parents combat Experience or exactly what their parents did well deployed for many reasons The details of these deployments are often not shared with children and non-military people who meanwhile should not ask about them We might be caregivers to our parents Some military and veteran children take on responsibility of providing care for a parent who is injured ill or wounded in service Sometimes wounds to the veteran parent are visible like amputations or blindness While others can be invisible like toxic exposures traumatic brain injuries or post traumatic stress Wounds people can see are easy to explain But invisible wounds are much more difficult for children to explain and hurt others to understand For instance Military kids with injured or ill veteran parent may have some unique challenges socially Responsibilities at home can take up a lot of time So the ability to spend time with friends might be limited Again, this is hard for military to explain to their peers so often they don't try In addition to household chores that other kids are responsible for Military caregivers might help their parent with additional activities of daily living such as helping a parent with eating, bathing or taking medication Finally, some of the ordinary everyday activities that other families might enjoy might cause a lot of anxiety for families that include a disabled veteran parent Like any other major life event in a family unit living with an ill or injured parent is a big change for a kid Even more so for a military kid who is a burden of uncertainty that comes with Appointments and constant transitions that are part of the military lifestyle a child with a wounded ill or injured parent Experiences a lot of difficult emotions These might be similar to those felt by the rest of the family Except military kids might not have the words to express themselves or feel comfortable doing so It's important to know military kids are resilient would support and encourage them from a trusted adult Military caregiving youth can learn to talk about their emotions and identify caregiving tasks. They can do to help the whole family Sometimes we just want to be like everyone else Their advantages to being a military kid are resilient Kids who grow up and not military not veteran households Probably can't understand many of the stressors and obstacles that kids in military and veteran community space As we've discussed the constant change Unpredictability and worry that often comes with a military lifestyle can be tough for young people to navigate And yet most of them do an amazing job at it and grow up to be really flexible adults Who are good at problem solving and interacting with a wide variety of different people and cultures Adapting to change is something military kids learn at an early age This develops self-efficacy and the knowledge that you have the skills to cope with something new And resilience which is the ability to overcome stressful situations And since we know that resilience is stronger in children who grow up knowing they belong to a close knit community Where they're understood, supported and cared for military kids have a leg up After all military and veteran family is considered much larger than those in the household It extends to the entire community which prides itself on taking care of each other We're proud of our parents service One person in the family serves our country the whole family serves Parents on active duty or hospitalized veterans may have to miss first steps birthdays Sporting events dance recitals and plays parent teacher conferences helping with homework and other milestones in their children's lives Many of these families however Are really good at finding unique and creative ways to celebrate together despite conflicting obligations or disabilities For example military families may record special events to watch later with their children Or delay in serving holidays birthdays and milestones until the serving parents can be there Military youth learn that days on the calendar are not as important as being together to celebrate or share meaningful connections Regardless of the way this plays out in a military family There's no question that the children of that family also serve their country They make sacrifices that can be really difficult all for something more important than themselves Thank you so much for taking the time to take this course about military kids And how their lives are unique challenging and really special We hope we have given you a better understanding about the best way to interact with and support the military youth in your life A special thanks to the military kids who provided the answers that became the 15 things As well as those who allowed us to use photos of them and their families throughout the course And a special thanks to d.a.v Disabled american veterans for making this possible and supporting camp crawls efforts to help military and veteran children Just be kids Fellow parents that you can talk to. Sorry. Let's talk louder. Okay. I have a panel of some really great military connected children and family members that we're going to talk to today But I want to thank you all for being here in attendance as well My name, like I said, is cary. I am also the military spouse of the year for the past two years for North Carolina I live in Fort Bragg, North Carolina. I'm an active duty military spouse I am the daughter of a vietnam veteran on the aviator and i'm the mother of an infantryman So he kind of went a different route. I have a husband and a father who are on the aviators and his son He decided he was going to go infantry. Um, we did make a reflection for the family, but we're still talking to him about it and so I I kind of have a perspective of What my family's lived experience has been from what the 800 thousand plus veterans and military connected family members in North Carolina tell us as well as my husband just changed out of the command from the 82nd combat aviation brigade, the 82nd airborne division So about 9 000 other service members and family members And a lot of what I've heard from them and what we hear at camp corral echo And we hear a lot of the same things from you at TAV The mission of camp corral is to transform the lives of these children of our nation's military Heroes are wounded ill and fallen service members in each year. We do ask thousands of the children who participate in our camps And actually mentioned a number earlier This is this afternoon. It's actually grown. We've served almost 30,000 children since our inception in 2011 We're celebrating our 10th anniversary at camp corral and we provide summer camp Which I think a lot of you are very familiar with that because you support us through your efforts with TAV We also provide advocacy in year-round enrichment and holistic programs for these children and their family members And each year we ask them questions and a couple years ago we asked them the question What do you children want others to know about what it's like to live the life of a military child? What is it like to be a military connected family? And we had as you can imagine many various responses And what you saw today was the compilation of those top 15 responses And I think that they hit home with the many of you guys looking around the audience as the video was playing And I saw what it's like I saw agreement. I saw understanding And awareness and we want to bring this awareness to communities outside Of the military connected community So we're going to be using this video which was developed with TAV and partnership with TAV We're going to be using this as an educational resource for communities to support organizations for schools You know think of boys and girls clubs YMCA is all of these different types of extracurricular activities Where we have military connected children involved in those communities to kind of bring awareness and advocacy on their behalf So thank you all for helping us to amplify and elevate their voices And speaking of voices today, I'd like to go ahead and turn this over to our panelists I'm going to ask each of you if you will to introduce yourselves Tell us a little bit about yourself and then also if you will tell us one word Watching that video. What is the first word that comes to your mind? We'll start right here with him Good afternoon, I'm 22 years old and I have the daughter of a Navy corpsman He was in the Navy for 20 years being participant in one of the first camp corral sessions So and to me this video is just very honest everything they're saying I could relate to and it's really amazing to see that It's getting out there Hi, my name is Clare Zapp I'm 16 years old My dad, my sister, so my dad was also in the Navy for 20 years The camp corral camps were eight years, so he was supposed to be eight years old to that And whenever I was watching that video, seeing the pictures and videos from camp corral I just wanted to be one of the friends that I've made in the friendship that Have definitely been made at these camps But the two military camps Good afternoon, my name is Amy Taff I am the granddaughter of a war war two vet, the daughter of a Vietnam vet The wife of a post-sign leather vet And that video to me Humble because we are finally at a point in time where we can start talking about our children were 97 and 1 Hi, I'm BNC Dave Riley I was an Army and Coast Guard and Terry Bratt So we've experienced all aspects of this So the one word that comes to me, there's a lot of loneliness I think I think a lot relate to quite a bit of what you're talking about Dave Let's go ahead and if you will I'd like to hear from the Riley's The video talked about that the changes that kids may identify with when a parent comes home wounded Can you tell us a little bit about what the experience was in your household when you came home wounded? What was that like for for you for the children? Oh, it's completely different Dave. I remember our son saying what for Dave that said that dad could do anything But when he came home and it was a lot of learning process I mean you see him walking and It was a lot of learning process when he first came home Life just changed completely From being very active to our life's kind of involved around us and for a little while until we adjusted So when I was still in the hospital I remember my son didn't even want to come see me because I had lost my limbs and everything and he just Didn't want to see me It's uh, it was a long process and you know, I was going through changes for the same time It was very difficult for many years getting adjusted to think They are stronger now perhaps gone through the experience and They grow up off And so looking back on that obviously you said that there was a lot of challenges What types of supports that do you see that are in place now that maybe were not then that you wish Maybe your children had the opportunity to have those resources or supports And what's not out there now that might have been helpful that you kind of had to figure out on your own? Well, I don't think we ever said we're a caregiver when when you got sick and we never thought to ask the children You know, we just adjusted and tried to keep their lives as normal as possible like a church or their sports and dancing Um, we never thought to ask them now they were feeling there was no counseling or anything that It is a different world. I'm curious Out here in our audience you brought up a really good point How many of you have actually heard of or familiar with the fact that we have Children who are performing caregiving duties in households taking on those responsibilities Right, just a handful. So it is this is something that camp ground is working with more and more because it's just like you said We don't believe that There is that level of awareness out there But the reality is is that children are taking on roles as caregivers They're doing well beyond just what your normal chores are, right? We want our children to do chores and take on responsibilities in the household The this is over and beyond so when we're talking about caregiving roles that these children are taking on Especially in the households where they have a wounded or an ill service member Veteran parent we're talking about over and beyond the normal chores and activities and duties We know at camp corral right at 70 percent of the children who are attending our summer camps this year Are taking on caregiver roles at least one caregiver will in their household With that in mind Amy, I know you have a lot to say about some changes in that Bringing about awareness of children Why you're so adamant about bringing that awareness and what that personal meaning is absolutely So I think it's wonderful that we're starting to use this word caregiver or children Because of the fact that these children are being asked like you said to take on roles and responsibilities above their own It's making them grow up a whole lot faster than their peers Is Whenever you have a pre-adolescent All they want to do is be like the person next door that these are children who are having to take on tasks such as baiting a parent As an adult and whenever you have to make your parent It can be humbling imagine being a 10 11 12 year old child That has to be your parent about Imagine being the parent that has to receive them back from the 10 11 12 year old and how those dynamics can easily change So they're not only having to take on the responsibility. They're also having to battle this constant role of Being a kid and how do they keep that relationship? Even killed, you know, whenever you're having to take on these extra responsibilities, how do you Take on a responsibility for your parent one day and then the next day have your same parent lecturing you about seeing them as the forced to listen to You know as the person to listen to and as the person is going to give them wisdom and the person is going to You know direct their life the rest of the year. So there's this constant battle that's going on in their head Are they the person that's supposed to be giving the care or are they the person that's supposed to be receiving the care? And the answer is yes to both And so like we as a spouse it took me years my husband was injured in 2010 it was probably not till about 2013 2014 that I realized how to be a spouse and a caregiver I can't imagine at the age of five and twelve Whenever their father was injured What it was like to have to try guessing battle of how am I supposed to listen to this person as my parent And be person responsible for providing the care So I think we need to just be very adamant about recognizing their role in family recognizing that they're going through some of these same battles That they are having to do this and then also Add on the peer groups how their peers react to this how the isolation happens with them because they don't want people to come over to their houses and see this part of their life And I think that's a great point because um, it's hard to talk about And we've been talking about what it's like for you. I'd like to hear from Claire and Isabella What is that like like we're talking about where you we're talking about where it's like isolation like loneliness We're also talking about the need for connection. Can you tell us a little bit? Of course So I mentioned earlier how this video was very honest for being in for us. Um, I don't want to speak for But we you do get become very isolated and alone and as my mom mentioned At 12 13 years old, you just want to be like everybody else fit in and You want to be normal? And so for us Or at least for me, I think the big suggestion was in that middle school age You want to have birthday parties you want to have bonfires and friends over I don't want my friends over My dad has a right to drink. Um, and so I didn't want him to have an explosive moment from the overstimulation of that and my friends see that and then then want to be You know hang out with me or spend that time with me because of my dad um Another part of that too, we've been from a sisterly side There's seven years between us And I kind of had to help my mom take on the responsibility of not only my dad, but also my sister Because there were times whenever my mom needed to take care of my dad because it wasn't something that I could do And she would be would be dinner And so I would have to help cook dinner or help her with homework And so, um, we kind of have a bond that's a little bit different than just a sisterly bond Because we walked through that together Even to this day and everything that'll happen at home And she won't be able to talk to mom or dad, but I know that she'll talk to me Because we know what each other has gone through and that's something that neither of our parents can understand And I think that's something so amazing about camperelle and everything that they do Is they give you that peer connection so you're not isolated as lonely anymore You have people and you know it's a safe environment because everybody in that environment Has a parent that has some kind of injury And so being at the camp I found that It was the place that I could really open up It was the first place that I was able to open up and really start talking about everything that I had experienced And I think that's a great point because you were surrounded by others who get it Who although they may not have the exact same experience They can understand your experience. You don't even have to talk about it You just get to be a kid So Claire I'd like to hear from you What advice do you might have for other children who could be listening and who want to make those peer connections But aren't quite sure how to go about doing that. We know it's important. So how would you advise them? Um So I guess with the brain injury so I've got to go Knowing my dad as he is and having to learn how to make friends Who also have like quick connections with who evolves up in the military Like who have military parents and it's just getting involved and having to talk to people So getting in they go Can't go out and being able to find people who are like you to communicate and be able to express yourself more Um because they understand and even going like bringing some of that to school They go and be like, oh you said that was in the military. Let's be friends talk about it Let's be someone we can lean on Our parent is having a bad day. We can always call each other or text each other. Okay, like this is what's happening I should have been really lonely like It's just something that you need as kids is someone to lean on and Being able to find an area Being able to find someone that we can lean on in our age is a whole lot easier than finding a parent or an older Person in that matter to lean on so Definitely get involved in your community in your military community in your school in any way you can with the military That's a lot easier Great advice. Thank you for that. That's really good advice. It's just that getting involvement in sometimes There's so much strength in being vulnerable, right? And it's you're allowing yourself to be vulnerable and you receive the benefit of that by And being stronger and showing that there's the opportunity to be that I'm curious to hear from the parents down there. We've talked a lot Dave whoever would like to answer We do know that more and more children, especially these military community children Take on more of these character responsibilities And we hear from parents often that they don't realize that their child is actually a caregiver They don't use that word and realize that what they're doing is providing Caregiving responsibilities. They just kind of slide into that role a little bit here one day a little bit more one day So could you please whichever you would like to answer all of you? Share with us how you see your children take on their role as a caregiver and maybe provide some suggestions to other parents You might be able to come in on how to support their children and how to recognize when their children are taking on caregiving roles Well, we just We have one role today. I obviously had to follow her program I was helping David they did end up giving to helping him plug things in A cup of iced tea you just Do what you have to on a daily basis like I said there as much time as they could live their normal lives outside of house They still have a normal life So, I mean that's just part of my Come together as a family and then make it work I I give all the credit to yvonne and my kids for Putting up with me for all those years because it was pretty rough for many years But we kind of figured out a way to keep on going and come together and help each other out Go to more sports with a little bit different things because I really didn't have a lot to do and you know, so It was tough at first learning how to communicate learning what things I would need Just to survive every day And you know, they did such a good job at adapting. It must have been good for them because both my daughters are nurses now I think for us like you said If we have saying in our house, we we honestly think that the military slogan needs to be it is what it is because we find ourselves saying That's what it is. You've got to do one only And so I think for us or the advice I would give now that move back is helping your children fight that balance Keeping them involved in their activities finding ways to keep them involved in their activities Fine for claret's softball field You'll see your softball window or wherever she's at because that that's our comfort That's where she can be a kid and it's 100% kid For bella. It was dance Or or twirling your black color guard and just giving them those outlets to to do what they need to do to Be a hundred percent kid and then as far as the caregiving goes Um No one went to draw the calories So that they can be a kid and that's one of the things I wish I would have probably taken on early on Was knowing when it was done. It was great. My husband forgot how to tie his shoes She was five. Guess what she was learning how to do the entire shoe. So she had a lot of practice. She had a lot of air spoons Uh, whenever whenever dad was entering her entire shoes and then we were teaching them both at the same time So it worked. Um, there's been a lot of things that we've told them at the same time To do again and so you just kind of plug them in and let them do it And then now that they're older, I think um, the lesson that we learned with Isabella is teaching her that it's okay to spread around the needs And that we're gonna be okay We live in North Carolina. She just moved down to Orlando a month ago to take on her job We were super proud of her because for us She finally learned the lesson that she could spread around the needs of your own person We were going to be okay and she could go do what she wanted to do And that's what all parents want for their children right to be able to be independent and confident enough to take on their Their own lives as well One thing that you said has struck me is boundaries that it's important to create boundaries for your children What do you mean by that? How did you go about setting those boundaries and how do you just turn to what those boundaries should be So we have a couple of boundaries in our house. The first one that we have to teach is personal boundaries My husband has a moderate brain injury, but that's the frontal lobe, which means he has absolutely no filter at all Anything can be set at any point in time at any time And so we've had to set boundaries and we had to teach these kids that it was okay until dad That hey, you stepped into my learning and I need you to take a step back That was huge getting them to vocalize that and to be able to give them that natural personal space And respect because sometimes he loses that and it's not his fault. He doesn't need to do it But whatever, you don't have a frontal lobe. It just goes straight to the top sometimes And then the second one was the boundaries and roles in the family and it's okay to be a caregiver It's okay to put on some responsibilities on your shoulders Um, and then the third one of those is realizing that even though dad doesn't always act like the adult He's still the adult and teaching them that they can't use his injury for an escape Having that a short term memory loss is perfect for a teenager It is great. It is wonderful. We had many tales where they'd say dad, I told you that. Don't you remember? No, we don't remember because it was never said and so we also had to teach them the boundaries about using the injury as excuses Great great advice right there. Um, don't use the injury as an excuse And speaking of injuries, I'd like to hear from you Dave As the person who has experienced the injury and as the father coming home What was that like for you in the role as the father? To have maybe you meet on you know when I first came home From the hospital, uh, I still did not have from prosthetics Had everything I need to help with everything. It was like learning how to live all over again So the kids they were they were trained real quick How to how to get things and what need to be done and all that It's uh, you know I look back at it now and it's gonna be done so much better with They help go around I think just knowing some of the stuff that we were going to go through and go Some of the things we were going to encounter and back then there was no life care here in my program So we didn't have a lot of health on VA. So You know it just You know and and I had medications that made me not good to be around So they learned how to deal with that Learned how to deal with a very angry man for many years. Um, and You know, I think that they Grew a little bit from having to deal with that early on and their relations with other people when they can see how bad Things could get, you know Some uh, they were instructed a little bit More than they have as a child I think Definitely, I would say challenging would be an appropriate word to use. It sounds like Each of you What would you say some of the biggest challenges facing our military connected children are These days don't start with the military connected children. What are some of the largest challenges? But especially for those who are living in a household where there is a disabled So from Ryan, I definitely think it goes back to that figuring out where your boundaries are Kind of along with that joking like the personal boundaries in our house. Um, we have two code words now We have tbi boy and we have hulk kind of get a laugh out of So that's a huge thing. Um, but like we mentioned earlier to just being vulnerable, um, unfortunately, I'm sorry, I get emotional I was a child of a service member who had a brain injury and he felt like a burden on his family and he thought that he was one more person that his mom had to take care of and um I was a little bit at committed suicide at the age of 15 16 And so that was really the moment for me whenever I was like, okay, this is my chance I have to put my story out there to let other kids my age and know that they're not alone So that that doesn't happen anymore And unfortunately this will happen. Oh my goodness. I'm sorry Um, but I think getting kids to open up especially teenagers kids, I mean Who likes to do with the teenager? I don't like to do it myself whenever I was a teenager Um but To know that you're not alone is such a huge thing and so being vulnerable and being out there and open and Being honest with everybody in the world is a huge challenge Um, but it's also the best thing that I could do because Whenever I opened up Suddenly I realized that I wasn't alone because other people were coming to me and saying I'm here for you I know what you've been through like, thank you for doing this for me And then we were able to be a team and be like, oh, well, this is what my family does Why don't you try that as well? Oh, here's what my family does. I can't lie that A quick example of that was whenever my dad was first diagnosed we used um, weather To help her as a five-year-old understand these days So we had sunny days and holiday days and we had stormy days and I had a friend I think two or three years ago Um, but I ran into a lot of us at college and they were telling me about what they were going through and having me understand Like I was like, oh, here's what we use and you don't have to be a kid to understand that but it puts it in like these terms So just being open and honest it can be such a challenge, but it can also be a huge blessing Absolutely And I first of all, thank you for being open and honest and vulnerable right now because I think that what you just said and what you shared with us is it resonates And I think it resonates to each other one of us because we all want that connection, right? We are wired for that connection And we know that the research is there that connection is one of the pillars of resilience And so in order to really truly be resilient and to be strong We have to be connected and sometimes that takes being vulnerable So thank you for being vulnerable and sharing that with us Amy, did you want to add something? I was just going to say, um, another way, or you may be best to say anything about this But another challenge that we have you mentioned one-year-old and five-year-old seven-year-old Clara was five These children are living with the ramifications of some things. They don't even really remember anymore either Clara has very few memories of her dad actually in service. He was gone for the entire first three years of her life And then she remembers recovery So she has very few memories of military and vulnerable lifestyle She'll tell you, Clara, what's your favorite thing about being a military kid? I jumped into the military school to be over because I didn't get to travel anywhere I literally moved from one into Jacksonville, North Carolina to the other end Very boring I wish I had to travel before with the military But I was just, did I screw to be over with that part? Because she's a military kid, I expected to be a military kid because everybody sees her father in her injuries And so it's a challenge because she doesn't know exactly where she fits in And we have a lot of kids now that are, you know, older And their father's injuries or their parents, excuse me, their parents injuries They didn't need to be specific or their parents injuries or whenever they were so young But they're still expected to have all of those things in the military child And that's a huge challenge too, you know, whenever you don't remember the actual lifestyle, but you're living with the ramifications Absolutely Thank you for that because that is that's a very good point there is that None of these children don't know the before, right? There is a before and after but not all of them know the before So there's that sense of an identity whenever, you know, oh your your parent You know, thank you for your service and your parent was injured in support of our nation But they don't understand who the parent was that went into that service So that's a very good point a very good reminder And we have talked a lot about the challenges and we've talked a lot about, you know, these obstacles that Families have to overcome and the children as caregivers have to overcome There's a lot of really good stuff that happens being part of the military connected family too So I'd love to hear about that too. So let's talk about some of the triumphs We've talked a little bit about Isabella like finding that sense of strength inside me So Claire, what would she say one of the triumphs one of the great things about being a military connected child would be? Very fast And it comes in handy a lot whenever you and so I think that as you get older obviously you want to be responsible And the fact that you can learn that at such a young age I don't think it's a downfall that oh you gotta grow up too fast you're so responsible I think it was wow looking you like look at what you did you Um stepped up and you're helping taking care of your parent like how responsible you became not as a bad thing but as a As a triumph as a as a way to show what you've gone through and how much you've overcome And I'm sure it kind of gives you some confidence like I've gotten through this I've taken this on I know that because of that strength I can use that strength in other areas Did you have something that I like try to something good and so I grew up knowing the military And while we didn't know a lot we had friends that came and went a lot Um, and so you'll hear us talking about our brother all the time And with that, um, we have so many extended family and it's because of the military. They're not truly You know blood related, but that's our family so I remember her brother Um friends and friends do him and everyone's kind of you know, we don't do formal holidays Everything is super chill come and go That's been a result of my dad's injury so that he could step back if he needed to or be there whenever he was ready And so sometimes like oh hey the tax, you know have things give it your Easter. I think it was And he was like, oh, I don't want you to be like no seriously They tell us if we don't show up with somebody they don't know we're not doing it, right? Um, and so he showed up to our house and the joke is that we fed him and he never left He's a Marine so we fed him And that's all it's up. We never left I'd like to hear if we are gonna do questions for just a moment. So, um, hang tight for a second So the Rylings I'd like to hear from y'all both your children. What would you say? Um, what are some of the silver linings? What are the triumphs that come from your family's story? Well, I think, uh, my kids got a, uh, exposure to a much wider range of life Are you doing a ditto down there? All right, so, um, we are going to turn this over just a moment to questions and answers But before we do that, I'd love to hear from y'all We opened with what is one word from the video that resonated with you Now I'd like to ask you about the 15 things that we saw What one thing do you think applies to your family or to military children as caregivers? Um, so for me it was the one that said sometimes we don't want to talk about it and It's the truth. I mean sometimes I don't want to talk about it And so my mom was very patient with me and she wanted for me to come to her So that was a huge one that you can't always force it out sometimes trying to force it out can make it worse I'm too good at parents Such a big thing that it's complicated. We're struggling to and sometimes we just can't find the words to To go to someone and say so it's easier just to sit and think about what you're doing what's happening and, um Not speaking at all to anyone about it. It's just You don't want to talk about it, you know And I love what you're saying because what what you've just heard is something that we hear a lot at camp corral is They go to this camp with other children who have some of the similar lived experiences But that doesn't mean that they spend the whole week. They're talking about it many times They don't even talk about it. They just do kid things. They just get out there. They have a great time They are living their best life having adventures Um, and they don't have to feel like they have to talk about it They're just with people who understand and get it. So I I hear that a lot From a lot of the children that we serve Amy, what about you? We're just like every other family That's the one that resonates with me. We have a couple of struggles, but other than that, we're just like any other family Riley I think uh resiliency kind of jumps forward from being able to bounce back from extreme challenges Be able to build them All right So we do we have all of these this list and once again this list was compiled from About 2,000 children gave us their responses and I think that that is very indicative of what this community Children who are caregivers these children who are at home and providing care to Their parents their guardians who have been injured or ill through their service to our nation I would in this time like to invite you to ask questions of our panelists to make comments Anything that you would like to add in the conversation? Please feel free to step up to the podium if you can't make it up to the podium Let's know when it might come to you. Okay. Yes