 Well, anyway, let's get our Bibles out this morning. It's so good to be with you. I'm sorry that my wife couldn't make it. We had a big women's event at our church this past week and Then she signed up for grandma duty this weekend Our four kids have sired 11 grandkids And here here's the kicker. They're all 11 years old and under So it's quite a quite an event at our house around Thanksgiving. It's quite fun Anyway, let's get our Bibles out and let's turn to Genesis chapter 29 this morning I'd like to explore with you a story an interesting story We find it here in Genesis chapter 29 And we'll start by reading verses 1 through 20 Genesis 29 beginning in verse 1 So Jacob went on his journey and came to the land of the people of the east and He looked and saw a well in the field and Behold there were three flocks of sheep lying by it for out of that well. They watered the flocks a Large stone was on the well's mouth Now all the flocks would be gathered there and they would roll the stone from the well's mouth Water the sheep and put the stone back in its place on the well's mouth and Jacob said to them my brethren, where are you from? And they said we are from Haran Then he said to them, do you know Laban the son of Nahor and they said, oh, we know him And so he said to them is he well and they said he is well and look his daughter Rachel is coming with the sheep Then he looked then he said look it is still high day It is not time for the cattle to be gathered together water the sheep and go and feed them But they said we cannot until all the flocks are gathered together and they have rolled the stone from the well's mouth Then we water the sheep Now while he was speaking with them Rachel came with her father's sheep For she was a shepherdess And it came to pass when Jacob saw Rachel the daughter of Laban his mother's brother and the sheep of Laban His mother's brother that Jacob went near and rolled the stone from the well's mouth and watered the flock of Laban his mother's brother Then Jacob kissed Rachel Lifted up his voice and web And Jacob told Rachel that he was her father's relative and that he was Rebecca's son And so she ran and told her father Then it came to pass when Laban heard the report about Jacob his sister's son That he ran to meet him and embraced him and kissed him and brought him to his house And so he told Laban all these things and Laban said to him surely you are my bone in my flesh And he stayed with him for a month Then Laban said to Jacob Because you are my relative should you therefore serve me for nothing? Tell me what should your wages be? Now Laban had two daughters the name of the elder was Leah and the name of the younger was Rachel Leah's eyes were delicate, but Rachel was beautiful of form and appearance Now Jacob loved Rachel and so he said I will serve you seven years for Rachel your younger daughter And Laban said it is better that I give her to you than that I should give her to another man stay with me So Jacob served seven years for Rachel and they seemed only a few days to him Because of the love he had for her Father in heaven. Thank you for your word and thank you for these couples Lord that have gathered this morning and Lord I recognize I know you recognize that they have set aside duties and tasks and responsibilities and sacrifice days off Have taken the time to come together to work on their marriage Lord, I know you're gonna bless that kind of effort Lord, I know you're gonna speak to us today. You're gonna encourage the marriages in this room Lord, I pray you would ring down your blessing upon them Lord fill them with your spirit fill them with love for each other and give them some insights and some tools that they can apply to their Relationship here today. We love you and ask these things in Jesus name Well, look welcome to a love story But a love story with a twist a boy named Jacob leaves home to start a life and to find a wife His journey leaves him to a Middle Eastern watering hole in Heron where he meets this gorgeous young Shepherdess named Rachel verse 17 here in Genesis 29 refers to Rachel as beautiful of form and appearance In other words both her face and her figure were attractive. She was a cover girl working as a shepherd She was stunningly beautiful. You could call her a fox in sheep's clothing The stone that covered the opening of the well was huge and heavy The shepherds usually waited on each other's arrival to water their flock since it required a combined effort to move the stone But on this day Rachel arrived in verse 10 tells us that Jake flexed his pecs and he moved the stone all by himself Nothing like a macho demonstration of a little muscle and trying to impress a girl But apparently it worked for we're told in verse 11 then Jacob kissed Rachel You know, I've heard it said a boy becomes a man when he discovers it's more fun to steal a kiss in second base Well, apparently a young Jacob is growing up He plants a kiss on ravishing Rachel and we're told in verse 11 Jacob lifted up his voice and I read recently of a woman over in Alabama Who's pet iguana stopped breathing? That's right. Petty guana She had to give the slimy reptile mouth-to-mouth resuscitation Afterwards she cried because she realized she had kissed the iguana Trust me that is not why Jacob is crying here His tears are tears of joy. He thinks that he has found the gall of his dreams But beginning in verse 16 the plot thickens Rachel takes her new boyfriend home to meet dad and Jacob should have been warned a Young man fresh from mama's house was no match for a shrewd dude like Laban Listen to what we're told in verse 16 Now Laban had two daughters The name of the elder was Leah and the name of the younger was Rachel Here is the twist in our love story For in Heron as in parts of the Middle East to this very day It was contrary to custom for the younger daughter to marry before her elder sister Thus Leah was a roadblock in Jacob's plans to marry Rachel and To make matters worse the prospects of Leah marrying anytime soon seemed slim For she had an awful problem We're told in verse 17 Leah's eyes were delicate, but Rachel was beautiful of form and appearance Now this phrase Leah's eyes were delicate. It can mean one of two things First it can refer to the health of Leah's eyes They were weak and squinted and perhaps even cross-eyed Rachel had these deep beautiful pools of blue these mesmerizing eyes Whereas her sister Leah had these little slits above her cheeks. I mean awful looking eyes But this phrase Leah's eyes were delicate can also be interpreted Leah was a cause for sore eyes That the pergur was so ugly. She made your eyes hurt when you looked at her Either way Rachel's sister Leah was not a very physically attractive young lady Which reminds me there's actually a woman's college in England in the town of ugly England and Recently a spokeswoman for the Institute was quoted as saying we try to call ourselves the women's Institute of Ugly But the name never sticks and I'm sure the women in the school are no doubt glad But oh Leah She could have graduated magna cum laude from the women's Institute of Ugly Rachel was a sight for sore eyes Whereas Leah made your eyes sore Well when Laban offered Jacob a job and told him to set his own wages Jacob makes an interesting request verse 18 reads Now Jacob loved Rachel So he said I will serve you seven years for Rachel your younger daughter the length of time No doubt show the depth of Jacob's love for Rachel and probably how long he thought it would take for Leah to marry first verse 19 and Laban said it is better that I give her to you than that I should give her to another man stay with me So Jacob serves seven years for Rachel and they seemed only a few days to him Because of the love he had for her how beautiful is that? His love for Rachel made the time fly by and I believe the willingness to wait is always a characteristic of true love Well verse 21 moves ahead seven years Then Jacob said to Laban Give me my wife for my days are fulfilled that I may go into her And Laban gathered together all the men of the place and made a feast Now an Oriental marriage feast lasted a whole week So for seven days the groom and his buddies partied hearty I mean that means by the time the wedding night rolled around Jacob was probably sauced maybe tanked verse 23 informs us Now it came to pass in the evening that he being Laban Took Leah his daughter and brought her to Jacob and Jacob went into her In addition to Jacob being inebriated the brides in those days were heavy veils and flowing robes And since there were no electric lights in the honeymoon cottage Jacob assumes that he was going to bed and consummating his marriage with his beloved Rachel Verse 25 fast-forward about eight hours So it came to pass in the morning that behold It was Leah And it is hard to read that line with the same sense of disappointment Jacob must have felt He had been stabbed in the back For seven years. He had worked hard to hold Rachel in his arms Only now to be double-crossed What a betrayal and He said to Laban. What is this you've done to me? Was it not for Rachel that I served you? Why then have you deceived me? Well again Jacob kisses a girl and starts to weep But this time for a much different reason He has kissed the iguana. He has spent the night with old lizard eyes Leah Now in verse 26 Laban stuns Jacob with the answer It must not be done. So in our country to give the younger before the firstborn And what an ironic twist of fate For if you know your Old Testament, you'll recall that before leaving home Jacob had stolen the rights of the firstborn from his older brother Esau Jacob had spit in the eye of custom and now custom was spitting back Jacob the deceiver gets deceived what goes around comes around. This is why honesty is always the best policy Now this Laban, he's a sly guy. He's a crafty bargainer himself. And so he makes Jacob an offer of his own He says fulfill her week and we will give you this one that is Rachel also for the service Which you will serve with me still another seven years Laban will give Rachel to Jacob now in return for another seven years of service And Jacob agrees verse 30 tells us Then Jacob also went into Rachel and he loved Rachel more than Leah and he served with Laban still another seven years Never doubt Jacob's initial love for Rachel He serves a total of 14 years for Rachel But the question arises What should Jacob have actually done after he woke up next to Leah? And it is my opinion that Jacob should have never married Rachel Nowhere in the Bible does God approve a bigamy a Man was never meant to have multiple wives In Matthew 19 verses 4 through 6 our Lord Jesus himself lays out God's ideal for marriage Have you not read that he who made them at the beginning made them male and female and Said for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh So then they are no longer two But one flesh God's blueprint for marriage was for one man and one woman to remain in a lifetime relationship God tolerated bigamy as he tolerates divorce today, but realized he never gave it his stamp of approval In fact, even even Jesus himself condemned bigamy you remember the verse Matthew 6 verse 24 tells us No man can serve two masters Obviously God never intended for a man to be married to two women. In fact recently Middle East Archaeologists have unearthed the cuneiform tablet The translators worked real hard to try to decipher the meaning of the tablet In matter of fact, it's entitled the top 10 reasons no man in his right mind would want two wives And I actually have with me here the translation from the ancient Caldean Semitic right here right here on this piece of paper Here it is right now number 10 Twice as many birthdays and anniversaries to remember Number nine you have to pick who gets the second garage door opener. I could be difficult Number eight by the time two wives take a shower. There's no more hot water Number seven who can afford two dozen roses on Valentine's Day, that'll set you back Number six when it's time to choose it's now two against one Number five, this is my favorite your one drawer and half a foot of closet space gets cut in half Number four two wives would be frowned on at the Calvary Chapel marriage conference Number three two honeydew lists Number two, this is where it gets a little dicey two mother-in-laws and The number one reason no man in his right mind wouldn't want two wives PMS twice a month. Well, apparently Jacob never read this top 10 list for if he had He would have added one more reason why two wives are not a good idea They might not get along Just read ahead here Jacob's family became a sordid example of infighting and envy and Ugliness and bitterness and hatred and deception and resentment and manipulation In fact later when Rachel names one of her made sons She calls him naftali or my wrestling and she says with great wrestling's I have wrestled with my sister See Jacob lived and his kids were raised in the middle of two warring women This was not a happy home The story reminds me of an Italian fellow Who was getting married the ceremony happened to be outdoors right next to the ocean And on the day of the wedding a heavy fog rolled in In fact the cloud was so thick that he couldn't see what he was doing and he accidentally married two women When asked to explain himself he said Well, it was a big amiss It was a big amiss And so was Jacob. He too was a big amiss. I believe Jacob should have never married Rachel He should have left with Leah and learned to be content But I can hear some of you saying come on Sandy the girl was ugly as mud and he didn't even love her How can you say he should have left with Leah? Well here you hear you I Believe that even if Jacob didn't love her if the two of them had conducted their marriage God's way Jacob would eventually love Leah every bit as much as he initially loved Rachel for love grows When marriage is done God's way sounds funny saying it but the feeling of love is A far overrated ingredient when it comes to success in marriage Oh, it's important in courtship, but in marriage it's way overblown Successful marriages are built on commitment and sacrifice not simply feelings I've seen marriages where the love was depleted But the husband and wife decided to stick it out and do things God's way and love started to grow again On the other hand, I've seen marriages abounding and loving feelings But the couple ignored God's wisdom and the feelings dwindled as the marriage broke apart See if you wanted to plant a garden and you had the best seed available Yet you buried that seed in sorry scourts superficial soil I don't care how good the seed might be it would fail to germinate in the sorry soil Yet if I had inferior seed But fertile and nutritious and moist dirt even the sick seed would grow in the healthy soil And so it is in marriage Give me two people that can't stand each other and encourage that couple to interact God's way and Love will grow out of nowhere. I have seen it happen In his letter to his daughter author Charlie shed he passes on some important advice He says marriage is not so much finding the right person as it is being the right person Let me repeat that it's worth the price of admission Marriage is not so much finding the right person as it is being the right person. Oh The dating game emphasizes finding the right person and relying on chemistry to cement the marriage What happens when the chemistry dries up? Well, we blame our former mister or missus right he or she must not have been the right one after all We remind ourselves. There are other fish in the sea. We throw back our current spouse and we rebate our hook Some of us keep kissing frogs thinking we'll finally find our prince or our princess It never dawns on some people that the problem just might be them I honestly believe you can take a man and a woman who've never seen each other But are determined to do marriage God's way The man willing to love his wife is Christ loves the church and the woman willing to follow her husband as the church is to follow Christ Each of them caring and serving and showing compassion and giving of their time ensuring their hearts and living their lives for each other You put those two people together and they'll end up happily married Actually, this is what happened to Jacob and Leah as We were told in verse 30 in the beginning Jacob loved Leah loved Rachel more than Leah But there is strong evidence that slowly over time Jacob's initial feelings changed in In fact we're told later in the chapter when the Lord saw that Leah was unloved. He opened her womb But Rachel was barren So Leah conceived and bore a son and she called his name Ruben Where she said the Lord has surely looked on my affliction now therefore my husband will love me And at first your heart just breaks for Leah doesn't she's always longing for Jacob's love Notice what happens next then she conceived again and bore a son and said because the Lord has heard that I am Unloved he has therefore given me this son also and she called his name Simeon She conceived again and bore a son and said now this time my husband will become attached to me Because I have borne him three sons Therefore his name was called Levi Obviously, oh Leah kept laboring to make her marriage better All that's mentioned here of her efforts are her three labors, but I'm sure she labored in many other ways as well Finally verse 35 tells us and she conceived again and bore a son and said Now I will praise the Lord therefore she called his name Judah, which means praise Then she stopped bearing The implication is that all her effort paid off with the birth of Judah. She now praises God Finally her desires have been fulfilled at last she experiences the enjoyment and the security of marital love and no longer Fills the need to bear another child Now when you jump ahead to the end of Jacob's life you find him making an interesting choice in Genesis 49 he is lying on his deathbed and With his last breath Jacob makes a dying request He cries out Bury me in the cave Where they buried Abraham in Sarah Isaac and Rebecca and where I buried Leah You would have thought Jacob would want his final resting place to be next to Rachel in Bethlehem But oh no, he has to be buried in Mamre alongside Leah You see on the first night of their marriage Jacob resented lying next to Leah But at the end of their road together it was his utmost desire Jacob wanted to make sure that until the day of the resurrection that his bones would lie next to Leah's Apparently his heart had turned It's ironic, but Rachel died prior to Leah. Thus Leah was the wife who ended up with Jacob all to herself It was Jake and Leah who enjoyed growing old together It's also interesting that it's through Leah not Rachel that Judah was born The Messiah came through the tribe of Judah. Thus Jesus was of the lineage of Leah not Rachel Perhaps that was God's way of putting his stamp of approval on the union between Jacob and Leah Their offspring was the linked in the royal line in the beginning we're told Jacob loved Rachel more than Leah But in the end the roles reversed Old lizard eyes Leah became Jacob's beloved on that awful morning When Jacob awoke to discover he was lying next to Leah That he had been double-crossed He didn't seek an annulment. He realized that with God there are no accidents God is sovereign Nothing happens that he does not at least allow Jake accepted his wife and built a life with Leah You know, perhaps you've always felt that your marriage began as somewhat of a double-cross She was pregnant and you felt it was your duty Her home life had soured and your good job made for a convenient escape Your marriage was expected You were pressured You're both were too young. You weren't seeking God at the time Hey, you need to realize just as Jacob did none of that matters For marriage is sacred. Its vows are binding in God's plan friend. Won't you say I do you did In his sovereignty God allowed the two of you to marry The Almighty could have stopped it The pastor could have come down with laryngitis A lightning bolt could have struck the church minutes before you walked down the aisle But God chose to let it happen The deed is now done. Now. It's up to you to accept your marriage as God's will and make the best of it You remember that old song from the 70s? I think it was written by steven stills If you can't be with the one you love honey Love the one you with Hey, that's biblical. Well sort of biblical I guess But I know this is biblical if you really love the one you're with the way God wants you to love them You won't desire anyone else You might be stuck with a leah But if you let him God can turn your leah into a lover You know years ago prior to first teaching this passage at our church, you know, I prayed I said lord what a sordid mass Deception and begging me and constant infighting what a terrible marriage. How can I possibly apply this sour situation to the marriages there at calvary chapel? Well, I believe the lord gave me a figurative application that speaks to us today I know it goes a bit beyond the context, but it's not unbiblical in what it teaches Here it is I believe that just like jacob every married person in this room today is in a sense married to two people That's right You're married to two people if you're a man You're married to both a leah and a rachel If you're a woman, you're married to both a lee and a ray Now hear me out. You're just like jacob Every married person here today is wedded to a rachel See, this is the part of your spouse that you love That you are attracted to that you adore This is the person who fires your engines, man You could be forced to wait on this rachel for seven long years and your love for her would cause it to seem but a few days but You're also married to a leah And this is the part of your spouse that was a surprise For when you married your mate, you knew you were getting rachel, but you didn't know about this leah Lee is the ordinary ugly selfish side of that man Leah is the side of your spouse that was covered up And hidden and veiled before the vows were taken Oh, yes, we are also hitched to a leah See in every marriage there are mornings just like today after jacob's wedding night When you roll over and you look at your spouse hoping to see rachel But instead you cry. Oh, no It's leah I have kissy iguana See you need to come to terms with the truth There is a leah and a rachel living side by side in every spouse It's been noted in rural japan A man's wife is chosen by his parents and he doesn't know her until after the wedding Though the custom in america is completely different the end result is the same And it's true I don't care how long you date a person before you marry Whether it's seven months or seven years or 17 years You never learn all there is to know about your spouse Believe me there will definitely be some surprises after the wedding day See there are aspects of your spouse that resemble leah And hey the blemishes were there from the beginning Oh, but you were drunk on love and you didn't see them See your spouse is not what you thought and it's a shock when you realize it And so the question becomes what do you do with a leah? Or with a lee Well the first morning after jacob saw her he complained to laban But what did he do the next morning or the next or the morning after he had left laban's house Well, here's what jacob does let me read you verse 31 again When the lord saw that leah was unloved He opened her womb But rachel was barren jacob began to see that the fruitfulness in his life Was coming from leah not rachel That the offspring the growth The real fruit was being supplied by leah Oh, yeah for a while there rachel was still his choice for a good time I mean at first. She was certainly the wife. He took to the company functions to make a good impression with the boss But over time jacob realized that god's blessing was more on leah than on the trophy wife God was using leah more than rachel to grow jacob and his family Surprisingly spiritual life and fruitfulness came more from old sore eyes than from the cover girl And here is the application to our lives to our marriages It's often the rough edges The ugly traits the ordinary attitudes in your spouse That cause you to grow and mature spiritually When i'm loving and sensitive and compassionate i console i encourage my wife i minister to her Oh, but when i test her patience And push her kindness And tax her endurance and stretch her faith i force her to trust in the lord and jesus ministers to her You can put it like this When sandi's on his best behavior he causes kathy to glow But when sandi is less than his best he causes kathy to grow Fruitfulness flowed into jacob's life through ugly leah rather than through gorgeous rachel And the fruit of god's spirit will flow into our lives when our spouse's Blimishes force us to draw upon the lord When my wife looks to me and i call sore eyes It forces her to look to jesus and she gets blessed Now don't misunderstand I'm not suggesting that there are no limits to our acceptance of a spouse's behavior For example, i don't believe that a married person should ever stand idly by and bear with a promiscuous or an abusive spouse These are not the traits that leah represents When a person tolerates a beating or a cheating it makes them an accomplice to the crime You become part of the problem rather than part of the solution Now here's my point this morning. I'm simply suggesting that you learn to accept your spouse's humanness Leah couldn't help the fact she was ugly And i'm sure she did the best with what she had She styled her hair and applied lots and lots of makeup Bought lots and lots of beautiful veils. I'm sure she tried And likewise all married folks should try to be the best that they can be But the real breakthrough in this relationship came when jacob learned to accept his wife unconditionally See we all should want to please our spouse and glorify god But we need to face the fact that no matter how hard we try None of us is ever going to be perfect Leah turned out to be a diamond in the rough But jacob didn't see or appreciate her beauty until he gave up trying to change her And accepted his situation It's a wise man a wise woman who stops trying to change their leah or their league I heard someone say the only time a woman succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby or Women marry men expecting to change them while men marry women thinking they will never change Both get disappointed husband wife. It is not for you to change your spouse Your job is to love your spouse God will change your spouse if he or she needs to be changed I heard a wonderful story of a wife whose husband bought her brand new car She was maneuvering in the mall parking lot when she had an accident and it was her fault She worried about her husband's reaction When the police arrived they asked to see her proof of insurance and so she opened up the glove box And along with the insurance card she found a note When she read it it made her cry Well, the policeman asked her what was wrong All she could do she was crying the weeping she all she could do is just handing the note It was from her husband and it read Honey in case of an accident Remember it's you I love not the car Here's a husband who decided in advance to simply love his lia This is how you turn a lia into a lover You accept him or her for better or worse You love your spouse for who they are warts and all sore eyes or not Once a hillbilly wife commented on her wedding vows She told her friend she said them their vows say for better or worse Because he ain't gonna get no better and he sure can't get no worse So I take him as is Hey, lia was probably as ugly the day jake buried her as the day he married her But along the way jake have learned to accept her as is And this is what each of us needs to do for the lia in our spouse you see Conditional acceptance is the miracle cure It frees up the lia in a person from the pressure and the insecurity of never measuring up And trust me we are always better and more lovable when we know we can be ourselves and we'll still be accepted And it also frees up the jake up in us from allowing impossible Expectations to hang a constant cloud of disappointment and failure over our marriage You see the jake in all of us needs to stop mourning over what ain't and what can't and start enjoying again what is We get so fixated on the 10 negative in our spouse. We forget the 90 positive all that we still love about them We forget lia and rachel live side by side On her 50th wedding anniversary a wife shared the secret to her long happy marriage She said on my wedding day. I decided to make a list of 10 of my husband's faults Which for the sake of our marriage I would overlook Well aghast asked what 10 faults did you list? The lady shrugged. She said well to tell you the truth. I never got around to listing them But whenever my husband did something that made me hop and mad. I'd say to myself lucky for him. That's one of the 10 forgiveness mercy patience acceptance Tolerance gentleness compassion That's all stuff that we as christians are supposed to be good at isn't it? And you see these are also the ingredients that transform a lia into a lover See each one of us wants and expects our mate to accept the lia in us But this morning. Why don't you ask god to help you accept the lia in her? husband Don't you think it's time to give your wife a break She does the best she can Those kids are so demanding her job is never over She needs your time and your attention and wife Don't you think it's time to cut your husband some slack? I mean my the old boy's come a long way. He's had a marriage conference today. Can you imagine? He carries a lot of responsibility He loves you and those kids and he wants to be a godly man Why don't you support him even when he doesn't do all that you'd like him to do? See each married person here has a choice We can focus on the thorns that are on our rows Or the rows That's among our thorns Our cup is either half empty or half full It's up to us If you want to have a fruitful marriage Then the two of you need to decide to simply Love your lia Father, we thank you for your word to us this morning Lord, I pray for all the couples here today. Please bless them lord Lord, please bless them abundantly. Please work in their hearts today Lord unconditional love is truly the miracle cure May we love each other as Jesus has loved us And in his name we pray