 The Jack Benny program, transcribed and presented by Lucky Strike. The cigarette that's toasted to taste better. If you want better taste from your cigarette, Lucky Strike is the brand to get. It's toasted to give you the best taste, yet it's the toasted. Cigarettes, they take fine. Tobacco, it's light. Tobacco, it's mild. Tobacco, too. And it's toasted, yes, it's toasted. Because the toasting brings the flavor right through. So to get better taste from your cigarette, Lucky Strike is the brand to get. It's toasted to give you the best taste, yet it's the toasted. Cigarettes. This is Don Wilson, friends. That version of the Lucky Strike song Dorothy Collins just sang may be different in tempo, but the story is still the same. A lucky taste better because it's toasted to taste better. You see, better taste starts with fine, mild, good tasting tobacco. LSMFT, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. And then that tobacco is toasted. It's toasted is the famous Lucky Strike process that brings Lucky's fine tobacco to its peak of flavor. Tones up this naturally good tasting tobacco to make it taste even better, cleaner, fresher, smoother. So friends, remember that next time you buy cigarettes. And be happy. Go Lucky. The Lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston Rochester, Dennis A. Bob Crosby and yours truly, Don Wilson. Ladies and gentlemen, tonight Jack Benny does another television show. But meanwhile, let's take you back to yesterday. Last night, the members of the Beverly Hills Beavers put on a play at the school auditorium. Of course, Jack Benny, who happens to be the treasurer of the club, was planning to go. We now find Rochester pressing Jack's tuxedo. Press it once and press it twice, then press it once again. It's been a long, long time. Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na. Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na. Well, I got the pass, press. Now I better finish pressing the code. I wonder where Mr. Benny bought this tuxedo. It should be on the label. Yeah, there it is. The Pet Boys. Rochester, have you finished pressing my clothes yet? Yes, boss, but who was the last one you read of this tuxedo to? Why? Every time I lay the coat down, the arms fold. Oh, stop. Any way you're only going to a school play, why dress formal? Well, Rochester, the Beavers aren't putting on just a play. They're going to do their version of my radio program. You see, each one of the kids will portray a member of my cast. Oh. And since I'm the inspiration for their show, they may ask me to come up on the stage and make a speech. Gosh, I'll never forget 10 years ago when I made that speech at the Academy Awards. Boss, I didn't know you were on the speakers list. I wasn't, but I just had to get up and tell them what I thought of. I'm glad I did, too. I'll get it, Rochester. Oh, hello, Mary. Hello, Jack. Is my early? Well, we don't have to be at the school auditorium for a half hour yet. Sit down, Mary. Thanks. Here's your tuxedo, boss. Oh, help me on with the coat, Rochester. I want to see if it still fits. Thanks. Jack, if you wear that old tuxedo again, I'm not going out with you. It's so old-fashioned now. Old-fashioned? Yes, look how long the coat is. What are you laughing at? You look like the villain in The Drunkard. Only when I wear the cape. Now, Mary. Jack, I mean it. I wouldn't be seen dead in that tuxedo. Our last customer didn't mind. Get out. I'm going to wear this tuxedo and that settles it. Now, Rochester, I won't be home and... There's a phone. I'll get it. Hello? Hi, Jack. This is Bob. I hate to bother you, Dave, but... Well, I wanted to let you know I'm on jury duty. Jury duty? You're kidding. No, the first case comes up Wednesday, and it may last for weeks. But this is ridiculous. You'll miss my show. Didn't you tell him you worked for me? Yes, I did, Jack. But why didn't you tell him it would be a hardship if you had to lose the income from my show? Well, I told him, Jack, but that didn't work either. Why not? Well, they pay more than you do. What? Three bucks a day. Well, that temporary work is always high. But Bob, I just can't let you miss my show. Well, there's really nothing you can do about it, Jack. Oh, no. What about my contract with you? Well, that's the case that we're trying Wednesday. Now, look, stop joking, Bob. I need you for the show, so I wish you'd try and make it. Okay. Say, by the way, Jack, did you get that recording that I made with a sportsman? Oh, yes, Bob. It's right here. Well, will you play it? I think you might enjoy it. All right. I'll play it right now. So long, Bob. Goodbye. Oh, Mary, Bob sent me a record that he made with a sportsman quartet. Let's play it. Okay. Where is it? Right there by the phonograph. And play it loud, Mary, so I can hear it in the other room while I'm getting dressed. Okay. Sun is shining. Oh, happy day. No more trouble and no skies are gray. Ever since you said those words to me. You said you love me. I know it's true. My life's complete, dear. For now I have you. Oh, happy day. Oh, lucky me. The moon is shining. Oh, happy night. Love me, darling. Hold me so tight. I need your loving. Really, yes, I do. You said you love me. I know it's true. My life's complete, dear. For now I have you. Oh, happy day. Oh, lucky me. A lucky strike is a smoke guard. It's better tasting. That is the fact. Oh, happy day. A lucky cleaner. Pressure two. A lucky strike is a smoother smoke. It's true. Oh, happy day. Happy gold lucky day. Very good. It was thoughtful of Bob to get the sportsman to do it with him. Oh, it sure was. Say, Jack, don't you think it's about time we left for the school auditorium? Yes, we haven't got much time. Rochester, get my car out of the garage, will you please? You can't use a car, boss. A nail went through one of the tires. I told you not to buy such cheap tires. Well, Rochester, the most expensive tire in the world can be punctured by a nail. A fingernail? Well, what did you touch it for? Now what are we going to do? Well, I've got my car outside. Okay, we'll go in yours. Come on. Bye, Rochester. Goodbye. Bye-bye. Oh, look, Jack, here comes Dennis on a bicycle. Where? Oh, hello, Mary. Hello, Mr. Benny. Are you just leaving for the school auditorium? Aren't you going to see the Beverly Hills Beavers put on their play? Oh, sure, but it's such a nice night. I thought I'd ride over on my new bicycle. Oh, is that a new one, Dennis? Yeah, I won it last night on a quiz program. On a quiz program? Gosh, you're really lucky. Yeah. Was it a hard question? Oh, no, it was easy. The man pointed at me and said, would you pay $100 for this bicycle? I said yes, so I gave him the $100 and he gave me the bicycle. Dennis? I almost won a refrigerator, but I didn't have enough money. Look, kid, did the master ceremony of this quiz program have a little hammer in his hand? Uh-huh. Dennis, you were at an auction. Certainly. All those people crowded around were bidding. I know what I'd have done if I'd have had the hammer. Now, come on, we better get to the... Now, come on, we better get to the school auditorium. Okay. Oh, by the way, Dennis, did you ask your mother if you could go duck hunting with me again next week? Yeah. Dennis, I didn't know you'd go, Mr. Benny, on his hunting trip. Oh, sure, I'm his retriever. You... You mean when he shoots you bring back the duck? No, when he misses, I have to bring back the buckshot. All right, now, Dennis, leave your bicycle here and come with us. Okay. Say, this school auditorium really is packed, but we got pretty good seats, didn't we, Mary? Oh, these are fine. Right in the center, too. Can you see all right, Dennis? No. Why don't you ask that man in front of you to take off his hat? It isn't his. What? Well, take it off and be quiet. Hey, Mr. Benny, Mr. Benny. Oh, hello, Joey. Is everything ready backstage for your show? Uh-huh. Are the kids nervous? Yeah, a little bit. Well, good luck. Thanks, Mr. Benny. And by the way, you'll be happy to know that we're almost sold out of popcorn. Well, good, good. Now, push the lemonade. Go ahead. Okay. You know, Miss Livingston, tonight we're going to do a takeoff on Mr. Benny's radio show. I know. Say, Joey, did you finally get a fat kid to play Don Wilson? Uh-huh. Good, good. Now, you better hurry or you'll be late. Well, Mary, it won't be long now before the show starts. Gee, I hope the beavers really do it. Hey, Mary, Mary. Don't look now, but there's a lady across the aisle who keeps staring at me. I guess she recognizes me. Where? Here she comes. Why, certainly. There you are. Thank you. You were wonderful in the drunkard. I told you not to wear that cape. I'll take it off. You know, Mary, this idea of the little kids doing my radio program is really clever, isn't it? Oh, yes, Jack. I think it's the cutest thing that... Oh, the curtain's going up. Yeah, yeah. And look, look, they've even got a kid orchestra. There they go. He was Mary Livingston, Rod Chester and Dennis Day, Bob Cosby, and yours Julie Donnell. He still has the first dollar he's ever earned, not because he's cheap, because you can't spend Confederate money. Jack Benny talking. And Don, did you think of that introduction all by yourself? Yes, Jack, and I thought it was very funny. Oh, you did, eh? Yes. Don, that you got a proposal from Hilo Hattie. Hello, Jack. Hiya, Don. I called you last night, but your mates said you were out. That's right. I went to the baseball game with Van Johnson. That was nice. Who won? When you was Van Johnson, who watches the game? Hey, what's this you dropped on the floor? That? Oh, that's the letter I got from Mama. From your mother, eh? What does the third dimension of playing field have to say? No, but as you probably read in the paper, last month we had an awful blizzard. And when your father came in from the barn, his knocking hand was frozen. Gee. I hope it thaws out soon, as we'd like to get the cow out of the house. Mary, that little girl is a natural-born actress. Yes, you went right on reading the letter, even though her bloomers were slipping down. Yeah. No other news, so we'll close now with love, your loving mother, Mama. You know, Mary, your mother's letters get better all the time. But let's get on with the show. Oh, Bob. Bob Crossby, I'm talking to you. Oh, I'm sorry, Jack, I didn't hear you. Didn't hear me? No, I've been rehearsing the band and my ears are still folded. I ask you, did you learn how to pronounce that word yet? I think so. Let me hear you say it. You don't want to distract your wife and children. Say, Jack, what is it, Don? I think this fella has a telegram for you. Well, what's he waiting for? Oh, boy, boy. Yeah! I'm with this uniform, Nelson Eddy. Just give me the message. Here you are. And here's a tip for you. Oh, boy, and nickel. Now I can send my father through college. Trouble with you before. What's the matter with you? Do you enjoy aggravating me? A tip. That's the cheapest thing I ever heard of. You may only be quiet, or you'll be known as Nylon Nelly at the May Company. Hello, Mr. Benny. Hello, Mary. I'm glad you got here because it's time for... Wait a minute. Janice, look at me. Huh? Janice, this is the first time I ever saw you wearing glasses. Are your eyes bad? No. Then why are you wearing those glasses? My uncle died and left them to me. Oh, that's a shame. Yeah, I can't see a darn thing. See, with them, take them off. Just because somebody leaves you something in a wheel, you're not compelled to use it. I'm not? No. Anybody want to buy a set of teeth? Time for your song. Okay. Why are you singing? I'm going out in the hall and get a candy bar out of the machine. Nancy was a peaceful man if you know what I mean. The cops picked up the peaches after Clancy left the scene. He never looked for trouble. That's the fact you can't assume. Whenever the lights from trouble would press, Clancy lowered the boom. Whenever they got his Irish up, Clancy lowered the boom. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. The neighbors all turned out for Cato Grady's wedding night. And Google said, let's have some fun. I think I'll start a fire. He raked the hall and kissed the bride and pulverized the groom. Then clink his old wink before he could think, Whenever they got his Irish up, Clancy lowered the boom. Clancy lowered the boom. Clancy lowered the boom. With peanuts, lifesavers, Babe Ruth, and Milky Dip. I think I'll get that one. A Milky Dip. He bud. Bud. What you doing? What kind? A Milky Dip. Uh-uh. In this hot weather, nothing runs like chocolate. Milky Dip hasn't got a chance. What are you talking about? Milky Dip not only has chocolate on the outside, but it has cream in the center. That's what'll give you the trouble. What? Cream is hard to handle unless you whip it. You think I should get a hoshi bar? Can't miss. Look at last performance. Last performance? Yeah. Coming out of the machine, Hoshi was boxed in by Lifesaver, but got through the hole. Really? And Lifesaver was the flavorate. Still gonna... Wait a minute. I know what I'll do. Okay, if you're done. Wasn't he cute, Jack? Just like the tout on our show. Yeah. Hurry up, Jack. Dennis has finished his song. Okay, Mary. Oh, I ran into that racetrack tout. Now, where were we? We're supposed to start our sketch. Oh, yes. Well, hold it a second. Kid, before we start, I want to call Rochester. Can you try to get me Rochester, please? Just a moment, Louie. It's a good thing he talked to you. I'd have hung up on him. Why? Jack took me out once and didn't even kiss me good night. I can't understand it. I even brought my lips up close to him. Like this? Well, no wonder he didn't kiss you. What? Tax filled up by the man who knows. Did the man from the used car come around to buy my car? Yes, sir. Well, did you tell him the price was a thousand dollars? Uh-huh. But he told me if the used car market has dropped them in the last few days. Oh, what did he offer you? Seven fifty. Well, that isn't so bad. You ought to see where the decimal point is. You know as well as I do that the car is worth a thousand dollars. Oh, boss. Come now. I'm selling it anyway, and come down to the studio and pick me up. Goodbye. You try to put on a program and something always happens. Play, Bob. Lemonade, get your lemonade in the lobby. Jack! Oh, I'm sorry. Ladies and gentlemen, Jack will be back in a minute to tell you about his television program which goes on at 7 p.m. tonight over the CBS television network. But first, a word to you smokers who are looking for better taste in a cigarette. Better taste, friends, is the prime concern of the makers of the cigarette. That's why a lucky is made of fine, good-tasting tobacco that's toasted to taste even better. Yes, better taste begins with fine, light, mild tobacco. Good-tasting tobacco. And then that tobacco is toasted. It's toasted. The famous Lucky Strike process brings Lucky's fine tobacco to its peak of flavor, tones up this naturally good-tasting tobacco to make it taste even better, smoother. So make your next carton Lucky Strike and be happy. Go Lucky! If you want better taste from your cigarette, Lucky Strike is the brand to get. It's toasted to give you the best taste. Yet it's the toasted. Cigarette they take fine. Tobacco it's light. Tobacco it's mild tobacco too. And it's toasted. Yes, it's toasted because the toasting brings the flavor I threw so to get better taste from your cigarette. Lucky Strike is the brand to get. It's toasted to give you the best taste. Yet it's the toasted. Ladies and gentlemen, I was going to tell you about my television show, but we're a little late, so tune in and watch it. Good night, folks. The Jack Benny show tonight was written by Milt Josasberg, John Tacaberry, Hal Goldman, Hal Gordon, and produced and transcribed by Hilliard Marks. Filter smokers, true tobacco taste, real filtration, famous Tarleton quality. They're all yours when you smoke Filter Tip Tarleton. Filter Tip Tarleton gives you all the full, rich taste of Tarleton's quality tobacco and real filtration too. Because Filter Tip Tarleton incorporates activated charcoal, renowned for its unusual powers of selective filtration, look for the red-white and blue stripes on the package. You can identify Filter Tip Tarleton, the best in filtered smoking. The Jack Benny program is brought to you by the American Tobacco Company, America's leading manufacturer of cigarettes.