 Hi, I'm Dexter Griff from the popular web series Red vs. Blue. I'm Sarge from the same show. Today, we're gonna get behind the wheel and show you how to dominate the roads! What Sarge means is, because of legal reasons, we're not allowed to say, we're going to go over some defensive driving tips to keep you and other drivers on the road safe. Defensive driving is a term used by weak-minded individuals. What you really want is offensive driving. Take up all the lanes of travel and run people off the road. Establish your presence so nothing comes close to hitting you. If that isn't safety, then by God, I don't know what is. Sarge, we're already being forced to do this stupid PSA. I'd rather not give bad advice just to have my license revoked. Bad advice? Don't worry, we are doing a public service. These are foolproof life hacks to a better driving experience. Now let's hit the road. Literally. Causes of road incidents, so make sure to keep your eyes on the road and avoid any unnecessary distractions. Those distractions include pesky road signs, stop lights, pedestrians, speed limits, other drivers, or any of the girls that tries to impose driving restrictions. Every single thing you need to be patient to is in your vehicle already. Shifters, dials, and most importantly, the ring. Sarge, it's starting to get really hard to focus. Ah, nothing like deafening tunes to drain out the otherwise vital ambience of the surrounding objects you're speeding. It's also important to know that the people inside your vehicle can be just as much of a distraction. So as a passenger, you should be considerate to the person behind the wheel, right Sarge? Well put, so to show my consideration for the driver, I'm gonna make a new safety suggestion. Let's pick up a hitchhiker. The more hands on deck, the smoother the ship sails. Okay, first off, this isn't a boat, and secondly, that's a terrible idea. Picking up random people comes with all sorts of dangers. Ah, you don't know that. Could be loads of fun. In fact, there's a hitchhiker right there. Well, well that's just dark. Yeah, I guess he's fine. Oh yes, pick me up. I won't try to sabotage the brake lines, a jerk the steering wheel, or anything naughty. You can trust me. Never mind, it's O'Malley. Always make sure you're in the right condition to drive. If you're sleepy or under the influence, you could make poor decisions, or make mistakes that could put others in danger. Of course, an acceptable condition is road rage. Throw your car's elbows out if someone's trying to cut you off. That's your space. You call dibs. Hell, just pep maneuver them. An unacceptable condition is a humbler behind the wheel. You can't clearly think you're on an empty stomach, but I'll make sure to fill up delicious food when you can. Tacos. Be careful, Griff. Those low goats, you'll already a novice rear end. And speaking of rear end, you should really watch out. Hide the tacos. Sucks for you. What do you want, dickhead? Oh, I'm glad you asked. Behold the future. By plugging Lopez into this vehicle, I've created a self-driving car. No need to care about driving when you have something else to do it. I can kick back, relax, and worry about things other than the vehicles and people around me. You can leave the woes of driving to cutting-edge artificial intelligence. In fact, I loaded a state-of-the-art driving program to Lopez this morning. Fue un entrenamiento de Montecargas alemán video del año 2000. Are you sure it was a good idea just to make your own self-driving car? Isn't that like a super-regulated thing? It's fine. Lopez at his core is a computer, and computers make the best defensive drivers, just like they make the best chess players, right Lopez? Error. Your insurance can cover this. Maintaining the state of your vehicle when it's parked is just as important as it is when it's moving. Gas is expensive these days, so remember to completely shut the vehicle off to save on fuel, even if you have a living being inside. I'm getting baked. There's nothing to find in a medically prescribed way. You don't want anybody putting ugly scratches or dings in your ride, so make sure to always park in as many spots as possible. Unfortunately, wide-open spaces to plant your wheels aren't always available, so just cram yourself in whatever space you can find, like here or here, even here. Why do the warthogs not have mirrors? Remember, driving is easy. As long as you have awareness of what's going on, you should never have any sort of problem. Despite all the funny advice we've given you, keep at least one eye on the road, and you'll avoid any potentially dangerous accidents. Exactly. You're watching where we're going, right, Sarge? Why would I be paying attention to the road when you're the one driving? At the end of the day, the responsible thing is to follow your local road laws and get a proper driver's education from a licensed professional. Okay, boys, all damages have been accounted for. I just need to know which one of you humans was behind the wheel. There goes my license. Again, I knew this was gonna happen. Thank you for watching this episode of Red vs. Blue. If you want to check out more, go to Rooster Teeth. It's an app. It's a website. It's a lot of stuff.