 Let's try again. Good evening. Yeah there you go. Hello Boston. So I'm really delighted that you're all here tonight. My name is David Dower. I'm the Director of Artistic Programs here at ArtsEmerson and on behalf of all my colleagues at ArtsEmerson, Howround, the Emma Lewis Center and Emerson College, so happy to have you all tonight. We're here to celebrate the launch of a very important, powerful book, Daniel Beatty's Transforming Pain into Power, and we're gonna start it off tonight with a local poet. Before we begin, I would just like to make sure that we do the exit stuff. So take a look at the exit signs and in the case of an emergency, because it does get hot up in here when Daniel Beatty's performing, in case of emergency go toward the nearest exit sign and away from the building, okay? Got it? All right, thank you. So here we go. So the order of the evening tonight, we're gonna have to start with Jadid. We're going then to Kendall Ramseur, and then we're going to Daniel Beatty, and then we're going to an announcement that you all are going to be here for that I cannot wait to share with you, and then we're going to a book signing in the lobby, okay? That's what's gonna end up happening. So and people are filing in. We're all gonna just live with that. And I'd love to introduce to you a really lovely poet who I first met here when she was performing with J. Williams' Celebration of the Arts. Jadid is the founder of If You Can Feel It, You Can Speak It. And here she is to start the evening off with one of her own poems. Jadid, please. Good evening, Boston Paramount Theater. Good evening. You can say it back. Thank you. I am Jadid, and this poem is entitled When Our Mamas Named Us. Our Mamas Named Us, they knew we would change our names to fit the stage. That when they taught us to spell, we would write love letters for breaking hearts, and that when we learned how to talk, we would speak for the silent masses. I wonder if when they watched us walk, they could see us dancing to the music in our hearts. And if when they heard us laugh, they could testify to the passion in our throats. And if when they held our hands, they could sense our powers to heal. I wonder if when our mamas saw us cry, they knew then the emotions that we would personify. If when they witnessed our frustrations, they predicted that we'd be able to transform that into determination. I wonder if when they fed us, they realized we'd have a hunger that can't be satisfied, and that when they encouraged us, we'd be amongst those to be memorialized. I wonder if when our fathers left us, they realized that they were leaving behind legacies with bedtime stories of neglect and miss memories. I wonder if when our mamas watched us sleep, they knew the colors our dreams would keep. I wonder if when they chastised us, they knew that they were shifting strength. When they corrected us, they were knitting knowledge. When they loved us, they were curating confidence. When they hugged us, they were harvesting humility. When they protected us, they were forbidding fear. And when they smiled at us, they were perpetuating peace. I wonder if when our mamas celebrated our individuality, if they knew that they were initiating creativity. And when they applauded us, they were mobilizing mobility. I wonder if when they talked to us, they knew they'd be our greatest pedagogues. When they listened to us, it taught us to project our voices. When they read to us, it prepared us for diverse dialogues. And when they gave us options, it installed for us wise choices. I wonder if when our mamas demonstrated care, they knew that we would own the means by which to provide it. And that when they taught us our history, we would be willing and able to rewrite it. Pulling power and peace from all this war and rage, yes. I cannot help but wonder if when my mama named me, she knew I would change my name to fit this stage. Thank you. How perfect is that, huh? Thank you, Jadi. So our next artist, I'm so happy that he's with us tonight. When Daniel was here, how many of you saw emergency? Okay. And those of you, okay, now, those of you who haven't seen emergency, how many of you have seen knock, knock, the poem? Okay. So it's the Daniel Beatty crowd. So those of you, those of you who couldn't answer yes to either one of those things clap. Okay. Welcome. Welcome to the club. By the end of tonight, you're going to be wooing and wowing as well. And I'm so jealous that you get to have the first experience here tonight with Daniel. Some of us have had many and I'm still delighted by them. But when he was here with emergency, we had this beautiful event that Akiba Abaka organized. Yes, give it up for Akiba. That's right. Akiba is our director of audience development now here at Arts Emerson, but then she was working with us on developing the audience for emergency. And she organized an event at the Afro Americans Museum of the Arts. I'm sorry, I always struggle over that name. But we're Elma Lewis, the Elma Lewis Center of in Roxbury. And at that museum, she organized an event that included this next artist who played an incredible cello number for Daniel to welcome him to Boston. And so now he's here tonight with a whole band. And it's Kendall Ramsour, who is the winner of Boston's inspirational artist of the year from the Boston Music Awards. Since last we saw him, Kendall Ramsour. Boost the piano a little bit. In the meantime, how are you guys doing? I can't really see any of you. That's all right. I know you're out there. This first song is titled D major. It's a song that myself and Cordero Rodriguez wrote. And once we get the sound working, we should be ready to start. Just added two people to the band. They just walked on just now. I don't even know who they are. Carter, one of the backup singers here. Eugene Mudavo. We have Michael Lindo on the guitar and Cordero Rodriguez on the piano. Alright, so this next song is titled Try Again. Sounds like some of you guys know it. I don't know. Alright, so what I want to do, I want to teach you all the chorus. The chorus comes up in the song. I would like for you all to join me. I can't see you, but I can hear you. Okay? So no singing out too. Alright, so here's the chorus. Wake yourself up. Brush yourself up. Just try. Let's try it. Ready? I heard two people. Let's try it again. Ready? And wake yourself up and dream. Brush yourself. Try again. So you. Okay. So here we go. Whenever it comes up, you guys join us. Here we go. You seem to lose the time has come for us to slay the the judgment rendered is I live long as you. The foundations of your new real love our dreams we thought had passed away. So now let's start right here. Brush yourself off. Wake yourself up. I guess you guys ready? Wake yourself up. Brush yourself up. If you trip up. Do we have time for one more? I don't know. Is that a go? That's a go. Alright. Would you guys like to hear one more? I hope I can remember how to play it. Alright, so this next song is titled No Love Like Mine. And it's from my debut album Time, which if you guys are interested in any of the songs we've sung or played, you can find it on iTunes, CD Baby and Amazon. Alright? So again, no love like mine. Feel free to snap with us. Thank you all so much. Thank you. That's really, really moving that he was at the first event and his career just keeps zooming. I hope you'll stop by and get his material on your way out as well. So now we come to the heart of the matter and I just want to also give a shout out to all of you who are watching online through the courtesy of HowlRound TV, our partners here at Emerson College. Thank you. HowlRound. And HowlRound, the Elm Lewis Center for Civic Engagement, Learning and Research and Arts Emerson are the co-sponsors of this evening's event. And so that's the service that we provide the nonprofit theater community all over the world really. Vijay Matthew on the camera back there. So thank you all for that. So here we go. When I first started working with Daniel, he was doing a piece called Emergency. We did it in DC together, then we did it here last year. Many of you saw that. You'll hear pieces of that here tonight. In the interim, he's written two books, not one, two books. And if you have children or know people with children, there's a book called Knock Knock. That is a children's book that is absolutely beautiful. Anybody here seen it? Some of you? Yeah. Just beautiful. Came out at the end of last year, I believe. And then right on its heels comes transforming pain into power. And so here tonight to talk us through, take us through his journey, both with that, the book and also in his life and how it leads to the book is the man himself. So please welcome Mr. Daniel Beatty. I'm actually not using the microphone. A little technical difficulties. Cast to bring you this breaking news report. A slave ship has just risen out of the Hudson River in front of the Statue of Liberty. That's right. You heard me. A slave ship has just risen out of the Hudson River in front of the Statue of Liberty. People across Manhattan are leaving their homes and jobs to witness what many are calling some deep shit. I was laying here trying to get me some sleep. When all of a sudden I hear this loud or rush of water see this harsh blinding light and make me close my eyes real tight. Then when I open them again, there's this big cute ship standing right here in front of the Statue of Liberty, all old and worn down looking. Slaveologists are busy trying to figure it out. Yes, emotions are high as people from all walks of life pour into Liberty Island. One group calling themselves PON, pissed off Negroes, have brought tents and rifles and vowed to shoot anybody who try to move this ship. What? Yes, let's get some more live on the spot feedback from the crowd gathering here at Liberty Island. Slave ship, I thought this was the carnival crows. This old slave ship, I was in stunned silence. Then I started to worship. I started to pray. Thank you Jesus. Hallelujah. Thank you for not forgetting about your people. Thank you for his sign. Help us remember who we are. Oh, I came right away with my grand baby, Clarissa and her friend, Peter. Our babies need to see this. My name, Clarissa, and this my boyfriend, Peter. Hi, everybody. Hi. I mean, I guess I never really thought about slavery for this slave ship. Or Peter, he sometimes be talking about it, but I don't pay him no attention. No, they think he's just nothing about it in school. They think he's just about Africa and nothing. Oh, yeah, they tell us about Egypt, the pyramids and stuff right here, but none about Africa. Egypt is an Africa. You mean the people was black. See, I told you, Clarissa, shut up, Peter Dan. I am a slave olugist from Ghana, West Africa. During the time of the civil rights movement here in your country, we in Africa look to black America as inspiration as we fought for independence at home. And four years later, we are still looking, but the picture is much different. Do you know that our gangs, Crips and Bloods, in Ghana, it's appalling. It's a setback. In 2014, there are black people succeeding in every field. Tennis, golf, gymnastics. This is the last thing we need. I work in corporate America around the corner from here, and one of my colleagues just came into my office in tears after hearing the news on the radio, and she tells me she has papers that prove her great-great-grandparents owned slaves, and she wants to apologize. And I said, why are you apologizing to me, Kathy? It was your great-great-grandparents. She's hysterical. So I say, look at me, Kathy. You've been to my home. Our children play together. Look at this office. Kathy, I'm your boss. Working there at the Statue of Liberty, always been afraid of a terrorist attack on me. I never expected anything like this. I mean, not in a million years. This slave ship is proof that slavery is not history. It's reality. I write books on post-traumatic slave syndrome. How the experience of slavery still impacts the minds and hearts of black people today. Look at these people's faces. This is exactly why most of us don't watch those PBS specials or talk about slave with our children. We don't know what to do with the anger, but we have to learn from the Jewish people. They vow never to forget. Yo, check it, slave ship buttons. Yo, ma, check it, I got your slave ship buttons. Excuse me, sir, but what exactly are you selling? Buttons. This one here's a slave jumping off the boat, and this was a slave beating his masses ass. How will this story unfold? Stay tuned for further details. Good evening, Boston. Good evening, Boston. Again, my name is Daniel Beatty, and I cannot express to you how full my heart is to be back here in Boston, this city that has been so good to me, and particularly with Emerson College, with Arts Emerson, with this phenomenal team of producers and artists who have also embraced me with such love. So thank you all so much for being here tonight. What you just saw was the opening monologue from my one-man play Emergency, in which I play 43 different characters. As you just heard, Emergency is about a slave ship that arises in front of the Statue of Liberty in present-day New York City, and I choose this image for a very particular reason. For me, slavery represents the time of greatest bondage in our nation's history, and the Statue of Liberty is the greatest symbol of freedom in our nation. So a slave ship in front of the Statue of Liberty asks the question what stands in front of our freedom? What stands in front of our freedom? And that's a question that I invite you to consider this evening as I share with you my story. What stands in front of your freedom? Not just your physical freedom, but your freedom to dream, to have possibility and hope to manifest the most extraordinary outcomes for yourself and for the people you love. What stands in front of your freedom? Not just your freedom as an individual, but your freedom as a member of the city, this larger Boston family, your freedom as a member of this human race. What stands in front of our freedom? Tonight I'm going to share with you a lot of my business. I'm going to tell you a lot of my personal story, and I just ask that you keep your minds and hearts open to what I have to say. I was almost born in prison. At the time of my conception, my father was a wanted heroin dealer, but my mama was six months pregnant with me. The cops broke into our home and the heroine was there, and so was my mama and daddy. My mama was facing 10 to 20 years in prison. My father was facing 20 to 40. The judge gave my father a choice. He could either turn in the higher-ranking members of his crew and he and my mom would be set free, or he and my mother could both go to jail, which would cause me to be born in a prison hospital. My father made the decision to be a snitch, as it's called, in the world of criminal activity, but in my heart I believe an inheritance of imprisonment was still passed on, and so much of my life and so much of what I'm interested in as a writer and performer is about this journey to get free. How do I break free and how do I inspire the possibility of that breaking free and those to whom I'm able to tell my stories? When my mom and father were both released from prison, my mama went off to be a social worker. My mama's always loved helping people, and my daddy was my principal caregiver. He was the one who changed my diapers and he tells me stories of carrying me on his shoulders all around town, and he had this big huge afro, and I would sit on his shoulder and I would hold on by holding on to his afro. Unfortunately, my father's guilt over turning in the other members of his crew caused him to start abusing the hero when he was once only selling, and this poem that I'm going to share with you is what happened next in my personal story. Sometimes I feel like a thaw, sometimes I feel as a boy. I shared a game, we played it every morning until I was three. He would knock knock on my door and I pretended to be asleep till he got right next to the bed, then I would get up and jump into his arms. Good morning Papa, he would tell me that he loved me. We shared a game, knock knock, to that day when the knock never came. And my mama takes me on a ride past cornfields on this never ending highway to reach a place of high rusty gates. A confused little boy into the building carried in my mama's arms. Knock knock, reach a room of windows and brown faces. I wanted a window sitch, my father jumped out of my mama's arms and run towards me towards my papa's only be confronted by this window. Knock knock trying to break through the glass trying to get to my father. Knock knock as my mama pulls me away before my pop even says a word. For years he has never said a word. As old years later I write these words with a little boy in me who still awaits his papa's knock. Papa come home because I miss you. Miss you waking me up in the morning telling me you love me. Papa come home because there's things I don't know and I thought maybe you could teach me how to shave, how to dribble a ball, how to talk to a lady, how to walk like a man. Papa come home because I decided well back I want to be just like you but I'm forgetting who you are. And years later a little boy cries and so I write these words and I try to heal and I try to father myself and I dream up a father who says the words my father did not. Dear son, I'm sorry I never came home. For every lesson I failed to teach here these words. Shave in one direction with strong deliberate strokes to avoid irritation. Do the page with the billions of your ballpoint pen. Walk like a god and your goddess will come to you. No longer will I be there to knock on your door. You must knock for yourself. Knock knock down doors of racism and poverty that I could not. Knock knock on doors of opportunity for the lost brilliance of the black men who crowd these cells. Knock knock with diligence for the sake of your children. Knock knock for me for as long as you are free these prison gates cannot contain my spirit. The best of me still lives in you. Knock knock with the knowledge that you are my son but you are not my choices. Yes we are our father's sons and daughters but we are not their choices but despite their absences we are still here. Still alive. Still breathing with the power to change this world. One little boy and girl at a time. Knock knock who's there? We. Thank you so much. As you just heard in that poem my father was arrested and incarcerated for the first time in my life when I was three years old. My mama took me to visit him in prison and he was behind a glass and I couldn't reach him. And as children we're very self focused and we view the world in terms of our most basic needs. We've not lived on the earth long enough and we're children to understand that many times adults make choices or things happen that have nothing to do with us. So in the space of my father's incarceration and the abandonment that I've been experienced I made up some false ideas about myself. I must be bad if my father would leave me. Over time that thought became an internalized feeling. I am bad. I'm unworthy of love. I'm ashamed and I hope nobody ever finds out. Over time that internalized feeling manifested in the behavior. Now for many of us many of our children even when we become adults those behaviors are obviously negative for children it could be acting out in school being disrespectful to parents being emotionally withdrawn. Not being able to express what we really feel in the world. For me that behavior wasn't obviously negative in the beginning. For me it was I will over achieve to the point of exhaustion to prove to myself and to other people that I'm not bad. Negative experience my father's abandonment negative thought I must be bad if my father would leave me. Negative feeling I am bad. Ultimately negative behavior I will over achieve to the point of exhaustion to prove to myself and other people that I'm not bad. Right? So as I offer this idea I invite you to consider allow your minds and your hearts to wonder back to any moments that may have shown up in your own life where an event happened that was out of your control that was traumatic that was negative that was difficult which perhaps caused you to think a thought about yourself feel a way about yourself and ultimately manifest it in a behavior perhaps a behavior that is still present in your life today conscious or unconscious so we're going to talk a little bit more about that later but I love to tell you a bit more of my story. With my father's incarceration my mama was our sole provider and she worked very long hours to make sure that we were taken care of and this next form that we're going to share is about my mama and as I share this form I also invite you to think about your own mothers or the mother figures in your lives or that have been in your life. A grandmama sometimes an auntie maybe even a teacher who really stood in the gap. For me and for many of us I know that mamas have stood in the gap in a very powerful way and there is nothing in my experience like the gift of a mama's love so this form is dedicated to my mama and all the mamas who are here this evening. Mama I saw you raise five of us by yourself with the father nowhere in sight. I saw you inspire revolution with a chicken and two potatoes. I saw you limp home late at night after a long days work with sores on your feet. I saw you gracefully remove groceries from the cart when the bill got too high. I saw you pray when brother stole a microwave to buy drugs. I saw you make Christmas a ceremony and I could have sworn we were royalty. I saw you hold a home together like a foundation that would never crumble. Mama I never saw you dance. I never saw you dance and I wonder what happened to your music because I've got an instinct you still know how to groove and so like a soulful incantation I write this dream for you. I see you stand in a celestial ballroom lit by the moon. I see you wear a gown of a rose petals woven with gold thread. I see you sparkle like the necklace of stars upon your neck. I see you're comfortable in shoes cut from the clouds. I see you're happy with the mate adoring every inch of your essence and mama he looks like Denzel. I see you laugh is Nina and Luther sing eternally for you and mama I see you dance. Yes mama I see you dance and I say dance mama dance break the flood gates of countless uncried tears and dance mama dance for all the nights you slept alone with no warm arms to hold you dance mama dance for all the dreams that you forgot so we could make it through the day. Dance mama dance like your nightmare is ending like joy is beginning like life is not through with you yet. Life cries swirl twirl dance mama dance dance dance mama dance. Here there's a beautiful baby out there singing along with me sing on baby sing on so that poem is for all the mamas despite my mother's best efforts to raise us without a father in the home my older brother ten years older became addicted to crack cocaine and as too many of us in this room know crack cocaine is a horrific drug and sometimes when I was alone with my brother he would get violent because when mama was off working long hours I would run across the street to a neighbor's home or to the church down the block so that I could be safe until my mama would come and get me. One of these experiences when I'm ten years old I escape from the house and something stops me in my tracks in the church parking lot and I'm a ten-year-old boy at the time and I close my eyes and I see myself as a grown man and I'm dressed all in black and I'm standing on a stage in front of hundreds of people and I'm speaking now as a small child I didn't know exactly what that vision meant but I knew this much I am made it I knew that there was a purpose to the pain that I was experiencing the pain that my family and larger community were experiencing and I firmly believe in that idea that there is always the possibility of purpose and power in our pain. When I was ten years old something else really transformative happened for me. My third grade teacher Mavis Jackson played a recording for me for the first time of Dr. King's I Have a Dream speech and a whole world of possibility opened up for me here is this man this black man who didn't look so different than my father and my brother and he was using words and emotion to inspire and in my mind to literally change the world and I ran to my third grade teacher and I said Mrs. Jackson I want to do that I want to use words like Dr. King and she helped me write my first speech in the third grade called I think the best I expect the best and because she was an extraordinary teacher she didn't stop there she called the local service organizations the NAACP the SCLC the Kiwanis the Rotary all of them as she said I've got this third grade who's written a speech can he come to your meeting and share and they would tell the state convention then the national convention before I knew it was happening I was traveling all over the world giving speeches this model of possibility that Dr. King provided for me this love of words of language and passion became my bridge over troubled waters it became such a huge deal for me that by time I was a junior in high school I was receiving letters from Harvard Yale Princeton to apply I ended up receiving a scholarship to Yale University and though I dealt with many insecurities while I was at college upon graduation I was awarded one of the university's highest honors thank you thank you thank you and I share this story for a very particular reason first reason was that in the midst of chaos my passion and my love of the arts and of language and of words really became a bridge over troubled waters but there's another aspect of that moment in my life that I'm just now starting to be transparent about as I stood on that stage at Yale University in front of all of my teachers all of my classmates all of our parents and friends I was miserable in fact I was so miserable that some weeks before I had tried to take my own life and you may ask yourself why would this young man who was by anyone's definition a success be so miserable that he would have tried to kill himself negative experience my father's abandonment negative thought I must be bad negative feeling I am bad ultimately negative a behavior I will over achieve to the point of exhaustion to prove to myself and other people that I'm not bad and when achievement fails to heal that initial wound I'm still in pain so I made up in my mind in that moment that I was going to go on a path to try to create a life that I would truly love and I made up in my mind in that moment that I really needed to heal and for me that healing was about going back to my first love my daddy so I'm going to share with you an excerpt from transforming pain to power I have a book y'all I'm excited about it and this is about the moment when I make the decision to reconnect with my father I'm back home and dating Ohio and I've decided to do it I'm going to visit my father in prison this will be the first time I've seen my father in more years than I can remember at least 10 as I ride in the car next to my mother all manner of thoughts and emotions course through me do I look like him what if he doesn't like me what if I don't like him I arrive at the prison a mass of gray and brown industrial complex a large muscular imposing guard stands at the counter as I enter the first door take everything out of your pocket and place it in that basket I do as I'm instructed terrified as I remove my keys and my wallet from my pocket I can feel the sweatiness of my palms the guard presses a buzzer buzz a gate opens enter through there gate one slam buzz another gate opens gate two slam I enter a room of tables and brown faces men with their children girlfriends mothers wives sit not touching but with the longing to touch pouring from their eyes some of the men are chained around their ankles some also around their wrists anxiously I stare in the direction from which I see the men arriving and departing I can feel my heart beating in my throat I swallow hard eager and afraid to see my father he enters wearing a bright orange jumpsuit he has salt and pepper hair and is much older than I remember the guard removes the chains around his ankles around his wrists thank god he walks slowly towards me and opens his arms and I jump knock knock in this moment I am once again the little boy that longed for his daddy in this moment all the love I felt for him as a small child comes flooding back to me as I sit and listen to his stories some certainly lies and excuses I devour every word desperate for them to be true desperate to understand to believe that his choices his abandonment were not my fault like to underscore a line I devour every word desperate to understand thought to believe feeling his choices his abandonment were not my fault so I've spent a lot of time thus far talking about the pain but my real intent in writing this book my real intent in writing plays like emergency when I speak about a very painful time in our nation's history like slavery my intent is for us to know that no matter the pain that has showed up in our lives as individuals the pain we may be experiencing now the inevitable pain that will show up in the future no matter the pain we experience as a human community as a city of Boston as a nation no matter that pain there is a possibility of transforming that pain to power this book talks about my personal journey to heal part of it was with my father personally about learning to forgive part of it was about me allowing myself to really feel my feelings rather than resisting them so that in the space of feeling them I could learn what information was there and also being able to move through it part of the experience for me was clarifying my purpose learning and asking myself what was the experience of this particular pain that could be information that could be useful to someone else and the greatest thing that I began to discover in this process was the gift of creativity I began to discover that even in the midst of all of the sadness that was occurring in my life all of the years truly of sadness when I would have a singing lesson or perform a concert when I was in an acting class or perform a play I was experiencing a level of freedom that I did not even think was possible for me and I began to pay attention to where this feeling of freedom was rooted and for me I found this space of freedom to be rooted in my breath and the book I call it this idea of the authentic self this idea that there is a space inside of us all that is creative potential that is the unlimited potential to create do or be anything that regardless of the experiences that have shown up in our lives as individuals or as a community regardless of the negative thoughts we develop in response to those experiences as individuals or a community the feelings that we develop and ultimately the behaviors we develop regardless of all of those things there is a creative potential inside of all of us that can interrupt that cycle take ownership of the narratives of our lives as individuals and our lives as a nation, as a city, as a community we have the power within us to rewrite the story and to transform that pain into power and what I began to discover which was hugely important for me is that our deepest pain is often the path to our highest purpose the very things that could almost take us out the very things that we wish we could stop thinking about we've sat on a therapist's couch about we prayed to God about the very things that we wish would go away sometimes those very experiences that very pain is the path to our highest purpose I wrote knock knock I wrote transforming pain to power truly I wrote every play that I've written I performed with the passion and emotion that I performed largely because my father was exactly who he was right and in the space of that understanding I really have no reason to hold resentment towards him I have no reason to live in a space of unforgiveness the other thing that I'm going to share with you is about the power of language in our narrative that we say about ourselves as individuals or a community part of breaking this cycle of negative experience leading to negative thoughts, negative feelings, negative behavior and this this work that I'm talking about in the therapeutic circles is called the cognitive triangle right so and it becomes this triangle of behavior that people feel that they can't break out of because then it reverses once you get in that cycle you then once you're in the space of behavior in a certain way you then have feelings because of that behavior and resulting thoughts and it seems to be this inevitable cycle for me one of the most powerful tools about breaking this cycle was beginning to speak to myself the truth about myself separate from the experiences of the things that had happened in my life right so I still to this day have a binder and it's a black binder in the first few pages of this black binder what I call my gratitude pages and it's all the miracles all of the wonderful things that have happened in my life and the second set of pages are my affirmations and it's corny as some people may think it seems I have stood on stages around this world I have taken my binder with me to various marriots and holiday ends or wherever it is that I've been staying and as I run on that treadmill and I'm breathing deeply or I'm on that elliptical machine I'm speaking to myself about myself and retraining my own thoughts and it's been because of that process that I'm able to stand before you today and not pretend like I don't ever have stuff that I don't ever have moments when I'm angry ever have moments when I'm sad because that's part of being human but I'm able to stand before you today and say I am no longer that little boy that young man who doesn't want to be alive I'm no longer having huge moments of beauty in my life pass me by because I'm living in a cage of fear and sadness and false ideas I have been able to transform my life by speaking the truth to myself about myself and because I'm a playwright I wrote a character about it his name is Twan Twan has grown up in a housing project his father is incarcerated he's been held back two years in school because he's dyslexic and the teachers haven't identified it immediately but he's got a powerful mama and an incredible mentor and he's on his way to Morehouse the same school Dr. King attended there's a Morehouse graduate out there, okay but despite everything Twan has achieved he still has those voices of self-doubt in his own head and as I share Twan's story I invite you to consider the voices of self-doubt that may be in your own mind the National Science Association says the average person has 50,000 thoughts a day 50,000 thoughts a day think about it we wake up in the morning what am I going to eat for breakfast what am I going to wear to work did I finish that assignment did I call that person back thoughts thoughts thoughts thoughts and it's also estimated that 70 to 80 percent of those thoughts are negative think about it we live in a world of airbrushed magazines celebrities who we treat as royalty who starve themselves to be a size zero we all get really good at masking what we truly feel because those are the social norms we're supposed to buy into then we look in the mirror and we're not able to celebrate our beautifully human selves and the survivors that we really are right so this is how Twan deals with it sometimes late at night when these projects get quiet I come upstairs here to the roof of building B and I talk to my mind try to be bigger than my fears you see I've been told every action begins with a thought and if you don't watch what you're thinking your thoughts will get the best of you it's like the mind is an untrained child you gotta teach what to do because sometimes my mind he tells me you will never be enough why even try you know it's gonna be tough look at where you live broken hopes broken dreams at night you lie in bed and scream the silent scream of a bastard child without a father as a guide there's no daddy by your side so you push your cries away and you fill that space with rage a rage that keeps you caged in a cycle that never ends you ain't gonna be no better than the man who fathered you able to create life but not to follow through your daddy left so you will too the sins of the father will visit the sun when life gets tough the abandoned run so sag your pants wear a frown give up first before life tears you down run from dreams run from hope it's the only way to cope with the failure you will be a spitting image of the father you will never even see those are the thoughts of my mind he says to me trying to choke out any type of hope or possibility and that's why I stand here on the roof of building B and talk back to my mind all right I've heard enough I know my path is rough but my mama she was there and she helped me to prepare a father she was not but still she gave me a lot and I have a mentor too and he helps me make it through say what you want but there's nothing I can't do because I define my destiny I won't let doubt get the best of me I will father myself and my children will see a black man stays this can't be just a phase this cycle can end it all depends on where we go from here you say when life gets tough the abandoned run well I say run black men run run to your children hold them tight help them make it through the night be more than you think you can be a man and take a stand and when you make it through reach back and help another person do what we all know must be done run black men run a fatherless child I may be but I decide who I choose to be run black men run run black men run run black men run thank you so much so Michael Eric Dyson wrote the ford for my book and he frames the book in this way which is actually very much how I wrote the book he frames it with the idea that personal healing is the first step to social transformation and larger societal healing right and I really believe that we as a nation we as a human race are in a very difficult moment we have fully bought in to illusions of separation we are polarized in ways that seem impossible and I firmly believe that even in the midst of the urgency of this moment and of this time there is still a possibility to transform that pain to power and I believe that that possibility lies in a movement that ultimately is going to be a human rights movement a space where we develop some shared core values some shared beliefs and some shared ideas about how we can heal as a nation where we begin to have those difficult conversations those conversations that we have in the safe space of a homogeneous community when we're with the people who look like us and talk like us and have a similar bank account as us and a similar skin color as us when we start having those conversations across community and when we develop some type of commitment and some type of space where we decide that there is something that's greater something that we want to believe in that's greater than these illusions of separation that keep us bound and for me I believe that greatest belief that greatest possibility of a shared core value a shared idea a shared reason to do this difficult work is for our children so for these last few moments of my sharing with you I would like to give you the voice of two children and one elder and these are characters from my play Emergency so I'm going to end with these characters and the last character will say goodbye to you so that will be my goodbye but before I share these characters I would just like to once again thank you from my heart thank you I travel to a lot of cities and a lot of spaces and there is something about the energy and the love that you give me as a community Boston that is unlike any other place that I travel and I'm really grateful for that hi everybody y'all not gonna say hi to me? okay hi I'm Peter and I have thoughts about this slave ship too everybody's always talking about what's going on with us kids but nobody ever wants to listen to what we have to say Clarissa and I we talk about it all the time Clarissa she's my girlfriend and she's the ball when we make too much noise in class our teachers get so upset and she bangs a ruler against her desk and she yells I am not impressed I am not impressed and Clarissa always whispers in my ear that's what she says to her husband when they're having sex I am not impressed she'd be cracking me up Clarissa and I aren't gonna have sex but we're gonna live together forever and I'm gonna be an opera singer I sing with the boys choir of Harlem and it's awful hook I mean it's mad cool right cuz it's almost like I get to be two different people it's like I live in the projects and there's trash everywhere but then I sing with the choir and we go to all these beautiful places and everything is different like once we took this trip all the way to Africa to sing at this festival all these black people from all over the world came to remember slavery and it was awesome and our director Dr. Turnbull he asked me to sing the solo and after we lit a bunch of candles and walked all the way through the whole village we finally made it to the Cape Coast slave dungeons and it was this big huge white castle and there was like a million gazillion black people there and I was mad nervous but then I sang look at me it was so sad and that's kind of how I feel when I look at this slave ship it's kind of like I just wish we were all the same color and we all talked the same and that God didn't make us all so different on the outside because it's almost like it's a trick to make us think we're more different than we are and everybody keeps getting food and that's whack you know sometimes I forget I'm black like I'm singing somewhere with a choir or I'm shopping with my moms and I'm not thinking about being black I'm just being me but it seems like somebody else always remembers our director Dr. Turnbull before he died he told us we sing a song of hope and even though a drug dealer or a prostitute might live on our block we can still be anything we want and it's like even though I live where I live because the choir I know there's places where I can go and I'm going to take Clarissa with me Clarissa baby child there's too much going on here Liberty Island for you to be running around like that Clarissa you hear me girl I raised my grandbaby Clarissa because her mom and daddy were they ain't able how old am I didn't your mama teach you not to ask a lady her age 82 yes time well I speak for a group of grandmothers of all races who have made a commitment to stand here at the water's edge for as long as our age and bodies can bear we understand that this slave ship is not about guilt no it's about healing about where do we go from here for ourselves for our cheering I've been here with my grandbaby Clarissa and her friend Peter all day since this morning when the slave ship first arrived and it is one particular story that keep coming to my mind about a village in West Africa with very little crime you know why when a person in this village commits a crime steals, lies, harms his neighbor the entire village forms a circle around the single wrongdoing man and they remind him of the good things he's done in the past the entire village reminds the fallen man of the moments when he was most beautiful America's one big old messy village we're gonna have to love each other Clarissa baby child you got about five more minutes for all that running around then I want you to come sit by my side and rest a while all right grandmama five minutes my name's Clarissa yeah and I'm a Libra yeah and I'm gonna drop it like it's hot drop it like it's hot drop it like it's hot yeah y'all want to be my friend don't nobody usually ever want to play with me except for my boyfriend Peter that he's always somewhere singing with the boys choir Harlem what y'all want to play hopscotch y'all want to play hopscotch I don't want that I want to tell y'all started I'm gonna tell y'all start I made it up I made up okay it's called kinky head and the three bears once upon a time that's how you start a story once upon a time there's this little girl called kinky head and she looked at like me yes she was pretty like me but nobody in the projects liked her so one day when her grandma was sleeping kinky had decided to lead a project so she could find her a friend and she was walking for like a really really long time for like fifty hundred million years and her fee was getting sold but then she see this big old slave ship and kinky head's like maybe I could find me a friend on the slave ship so she went but then she see this big bad wolf trying to get this little girl in a red riding hoodie but kinky head didn't pay them no tension then she go to the slave ship and she knocks on the side but nobody answered it then so kinky head's like where y'all at ain't nobody home but then the slave ship just opens and kinky head goes inside but then she see this old wicked witch trying to cook these two little white kids in a pot but kinky head didn't pay them no tension then she go to this other room and she see this table with three plates of fried chicken and sweet potato pie, a super size one, a medium size one and a smaller one and kinky head tasted the super size one but the chicken is greasy and the pie is running so kinky head didn't like it at the end but then she tasted the medium size one but the chicken is dry and the pie is all hard so kinky head didn't like it at that one. But then, but then, but then, but then, but then, but then, but then, but then, but then, she tastes the smaller one, and it's just right, and Kiki here eats it all up just like a good girl do. She eats it all up, and as she eats it all up, she can feel all of the aids, all of the aids going away. She doesn't have any more disease inside, and she's just happy, and free, and healthy, because all the other little girls are. That's how it goes, okay? Then Kiki here goes home, and everybody in the projects likes her, and she's the most popular, and everybody wants to be her friend. All right, Grandma, I'm coming. I gotta go have my cocktail. No, y'all can't have them, Boston. That's my minimization. I'll see y'all later, okay? Thank you so much. Daniel Beatty. I remember this is a book signing party. Yes. So we're gonna see you all out in the lobby to sign, he's gonna sign books in the lobby, but before we do that, I just have one quick announcement. I've been waiting for months to make this announcement, and Sansan Wong from the Bar Foundation, you please come up here and make it with us, and Jamie Galoon from HowlRound, and Kelly Bates from the Elm Lewis Center. This is gonna be a very quick announcement, and you're all gonna be so glad you were here for us. Thank you so much. Yeah. So this is Sansan Wong, and Sansan's gonna start us off, Sansan, program officer at the Bar Foundation. Hi, good evening, everyone. Thank you. Thank you, David. I'm thrilled to be here tonight with David and Daniel. I'm very happy to announce that the Bar Foundation is awarding a multi-year grant to Emerson College to help bring Daniel Beatty to Boston with his transforming pain to power work. So this residency with Daniel will launch I Dream Boston, a three-year multifaceted civic engagement program and artist residency with Emerson's Elm Lewis Center, Arts Emerson, and HowlRound. So I wanted to talk to you a little bit about Bar. At Bar, our grant making in arts and culture seeks to enhance Boston's cultural vitality. One way we do this is to support innovative artists who can contribute to civic dialogue addressing long-standing social challenges and inequities, like racism, segregation, and income and educational disparities. So artists like Daniel powerfully lift up individual stories and engage diverse communities to imagine and enact a vibrant Boston. Now I'd like to introduce Elm Lewis Center Executive Director Kelly Bates, who will tell you more about I Dream Boston. You ready to dream Boston? You ready to dream Boston? I Dream Boston is going to be a powerful collaboration between you, between the community of Boston, between Emerson students. Let me hear you, Emerson students. And community-based organizations and leaders here in this room in Boston. And we will be able to bring the power of performance to youth and to adults throughout the city of Boston, who like Daniel, are going to be able to share their story and their purpose and find their voice and potential through a process of experiences and workshops that will transform them and through that transform us. This will be a multi-collaborative effort between you all. The Elm Lewis Center, Daniel Beatty, Arts Emerson and HowlRound. And we are going to make this unforgettable. And the way that Daniel made us feel is gonna be the way that we're gonna make people around Boston feel with your help. This is a wonderful, wonderful gift that we've been given from Barr. And I also wanna thank Emerson College for having the great vision to have Daniel with us to do this most powerful work. We're going to need you and we will be calling on you, thank you. And next, we'd like to introduce back to us David Dara of Arts Emerson, who deserves so much credit for this engagement. So just very quickly so you understand what's gonna happen with this residency. Daniel's book, Transforming Pain into Power, is full of all sorts of wisdom and exercises and transformational ideas that we will be putting into the form of workshops that Daniel will be here to work with us to develop and to lead and to train Emerson students to be part of the process of doing the work in the communities of Boston. And through Arts Emerson, we're going to be putting Daniel's work on the stage in every single season during the residency. So another announcement to come about the first project will be in next season and then we're also going to be commissioning and developing new work with Daniel during his time here. And all of this work, all of the work that's going on in the city, all the work that's going on on the stage, and all the work that's going on in the rehearsal studios is going to be documented through HowlRound, the Center for the Theater Commons, and this platform that we've developed for the Theater Commons. And Jamie Galoon is one of the developers of HowlRound platform. And so you can let us know how HowlRound's involved. Thank you, David. So as David mentioned, HowlRound will be documenting both the process and the results of Daniel's residency and the civic engagement throughout the three-year term. The way that we'll share that learning is through our online journal, through the live streaming TV channel like tonight. We have an interactive data map and through many other ways. So essentially the beauty of that sharing is that through sharing it, not only will folks here at Emerson and in Boston get to read and understand more about the impact of this residency, but nationally and internationally as well. This is going to be particularly important, the national side, as the I Dream Boston project evolves through the three-year term. I'm going to hand it over to Daniel now to speak a little bit more about the program and its vision. All right, cool. Thank you. Thank you. So this program is titled I Dream Boston. And this is actually going to be a second phase, a second city where I'm able to bring this work in this form. I've been doing the work in communities for over a decade, but we have just began after six, seven months of preparation, a three-phase pilot in Watts called I Dream Watts. And while Emerson College and the Bar Foundation are our partners here in Watts, our partners are the Kellogg Foundation, some support from Ford and an organization called Children's Institute that's been helping children, families, communities heal trauma for 106 years. And so what we've done over this process of it's going to be a little over a year total by time we're finished with that pilot, we've developed all of my exercises that will be a part of this training that will continue to develop here in Boston against 16 evidence-based principles to heal trauma that have been tried over this 106 years. In addition to that, we've developed research and evaluation measures because we're really asking the question, how do individuals and communities heal? And it's not about assumptions. And I very humbly stand before you with huge gratitude to the Bar Foundation, to Arts Emerson HowlRound, Emma Lewis Center, Emerson College, but with the clarity that I'm bringing this vision and this idea that I have, but the very first step of that vision is about listening. It's about understanding the tremendous work that people in this community, many of you are here right now, have been doing for years. And it's about through the creativity that I bring as a writer and performer, creating a space for a city-wide conversation around these issues. And so when we say that we will be reaching out to you, it's not a reaching out to serve a purpose that I'm just bringing, it's a reaching out and a linking arms and developing what I call authentic relationships when we are really hearing from each other. And you, as people who have lived and loved and been in this city for so many years, real having real ownership and agency in this experience. So again, I thank you all so much. I thank everyone gathered on this stage and I'm very, very excited to have this extended period of time in Boston. Let's head out to the lobby and sign some books. Thank you all for coming. We'll see you at the bars open. There are books out there if you don't have them and we'll be right out there in a few minutes with Daniel to sign. Thank you for coming.