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You can now follow me on all my social media platforms to find out who my latest guest will be and don't forget to click the subscribe button and the notifications bell so you are notified for when my next podcast goes live. I think it's going to be a bit of a breath of fresh air today to have a chat today and just two geysers down the pub kind of thing, you know? Yeah, talking shit. So, Netflix documentary that's went everywhere, The Psychopath Live Coach. You don't see my bit of a psychopath, I've interviewed psychopaths. I believe there's at four different levels to being a psychopath. What was yours, anti-behavior? Anti-social personality disorder and that was the diagnosis and then you can label someone a psychopath based on that but a psychopath isn't actually a diagnosable term. It's got too much stigma to it, so it's more just a label like calling someone a psycho or, well, actually that's the exact same thing but calling somebody a monster or, you know, they're not mental health conditions but people label them. Watch the documentary. I love that. I enjoyed it. This is my kind of conversation. The majority of people aren't of your fucking nutcases. You're no different. I'm no different. Everybody's, I believe, got a bit of psycho in them. Everybody's got a bit of narcissism in them. Everybody gets crazy from time to time but I believe everybody's also got a bit of goodness in them as well. Of course. Not many people admit it as well, I think that's half the problem. Like I said, you enjoyed that. You became a successful businessman. You listened to a lot of controversy around it which we'll touch on but first I always like to go back to the start of my guests and get a bit of an understanding about your loose, where you grew up, how it all began. Of course. Yeah, I mean, I've shared this story a lot. I mean, it's in the documentaries. I've done how deep you want to go. Stop me if I'm going on too much. But it started off with quite an abusive dad. Put me down a lot, call me a buffoon, tell me you're never about to do anything. You're stupid. And then I created this identity that I was bad and unlovable. Didn't realize that at the time. Of course, no young kids are like, oh, I've got an internal void for significance and love. But I did create this identity that I was bad and then it was a self-fulfilling prophecy because then I did bad things and then that led to more labels and more people telling me I was bad. So it started there. He would be violent towards me every now and again. Not like he was beating me every day, but enough for me to be like, this is causing me some damage. And then because I wasn't getting the love at home, because also my mum was very emotionally detached, I decided I wanted to be famous, but didn't necessarily want to be famous for anything particular. Acting, singing, dancing, anything I could do. And my mum and dad would provide for me like that. We were brought up at a council estate just outside Watford in our Hertfordshire. But we weren't particularly poor and my mum and dad both worked. And they provided for me these acting, these singing, these dancing. It did look after me in that respect, just more of that emotional nurturing that wasn't there. And I did this acting, singing and dancing. It kind of gave me something. I enjoyed it. It was giving me that significance that I was looking for. And then come 11 years old, sexually abused. So that completely derailed that. And that was when I was going into secondary school. So I was like, it's another thing that's not working. Put that to bed. Had to create a new identity. Again, it's not something that you're cognitively aware of when you're 11 years old. Like, oh, it's time to start a new identity and fill this internal void. But that's what I did. In hindsight, I can look back at it and understand a little bit about my journey and how it unfolded that way. And then I just turned into a little shit, really, you know, typical, I say typical, but for me it was typical, but light and fires, criminal damage, shoplifting, had an Asbert 14, I was expelled from school at 15. And yeah, things just got progressively worse from there, really. How were you at school? Before the abuse? Obviously you were getting a beating from your dad. I was always naughty. Like even when I was in nursery, there was a take, come to see your child at nursery day. Apparently all the kids were sitting on the carpet and there was me in a Superman costume banging a drum. You know, I was just always being a bit disruptive, well, a bit. I've always been very disruptive. I couldn't quite understand those behavioral norms and didn't respect authority. That's actually why I got expelled from school. It actually said refusing to accept the authority of staff. For some reason I couldn't quite grasp the level of I should listen to this person and I should respect this person. And it just didn't seem to register with me properly. Abuse from the father who should be loving, caring, nurturing. That's what you're going to do, because you weren't conditioned with those labels. You weren't born with those labels. It's the same as every bad man enters you, every gangster, every shooter, every drug lord, every bank robber. Everyone was bullied or abused, every single one. There's not one that's come on here with a loving family. Instead there's all the telltale signs of the abandonment. And abandonment's so crucial. I know you've got a newborn which will touch on same as myself, but it's that skin to skin. It's that the cry out method used to be back in the day, let them cry, they'll figure it out, that's bullshit. Abandonment issues stem from then, the six years, seven years of the progress of a kid. Like from going through the bullying from your dad and the beatings, that ain't normal. That's going to scar you for life. And that then creates that character of misbehaving. In my opinion, I'm not a therapist, but I understand people well now because I interview so many fucking people. But it's the scars that leaves on the soul of not feeling good enough, not feeling important, not feeling loved as it meets the problem. It was your dad that was a fucking problem. He was the psychopath. You're a father now, so you would know now not how could anybody hurt something so innocent and so pure. It's disgusting. But that was the way back then because of our own heads were flying back then. There was fights and domestic violence and everybody kicking fuck out each other, babies getting battered, kids getting battered. Because I didn't know how, there was no self-control then. I don't know if it's as bad now, but I know back in the day it was fucking ruthless. Yeah, well, I know that he had a bad relationship with... I mean, he never really spoke about his family or anything really, but I know every now and again he would slip and he would tell me a bit of information. I know that his mum died at 16. I know he said he hated his dad. And I know that he cut off from all of his family. So he was... All I knew was my mum sided my family and my dad. So there's some trauma there that he's never shared. So I can understand that there's some sort of generational trauma that's sort of getting relayed down. So our responsibility now I guess to draw a line in the sand and kind of make sure that doesn't continue, you know? Hot people, hot people. Yeah, 100%. How bad were the beatings? I'd say they weren't that bad, you know? I don't know if I was conditioned to think they're normal, but it's not like he came in every day with an iron and smashed my head in or anything or about it. You know, normally it would be the verbal and stuff. But that hurt the most, to be honest. The one word that sticks out is the buffoon. I didn't even know what it meant at the time. I actually thought it was a baboon. So I thought my whole life he was calling me like a stupid monkey. And the buffoon is like, I don't know, a jester. And, you know, I don't know, I still don't know now. But the way he used to say it is like, you are a buffoon. I just felt it. Yeah, that was the worst of everything. But yeah, it's still on top of me and hit me. But I always used to remember he used to just try to stop himself. You know, he'd be like hitting me but pulling his arm back. You know, he didn't want to hit me, but he just couldn't help it because he's an angry man, very angry. Like his veins would burst out of his head. He would just look like an exploding robot. I'm writing a book at the moment that I wrote in there. You know, he would remind me of an exploding robot. Like he would just, he'd have a short fuse and it'd just go, he's scary. You know, he looked like a big man back then. You know, I'm technically probably taller than him now. About six foot tall, big fat, you know, probably 18 and stone man. Looking up at that, it was, yeah, it was scary at the time. But the beatings weren't bad. I didn't walk away with any like significant bruises or broken bones or anything like that. But it was enough to cause me effect because the way I saw it was, because I remember I was getting older and I thought I can, I can then probably, I've got a chance here. I could probably do decent damage, but I can't. Like I feel frozen and I don't want to hit you because you're my dad and I love you. So why would I want to hit you? And then that made me think, well, if, if, if, if you're hitting me, then that must mean you can't love me. You know, just this reinforcement of being this bad, unlovable kid that I've been told by everybody my whole life. And it just kept on reinforcing that further and further throughout my journey. What was the one thing you crave from your dad? Just love, really, when it all boils down to it. Do you know what love was? I don't think so now. It's not like I said, I want my dad to love me, but I was, I had, I call it like an internal void. There was something missing that I was looking for because I wasn't getting it from my mom or dad. Mom showed it to me. She would provide for me, but she wasn't from like an emotionally, I love you, let me give you a cuddle kind of background. My granddad was in the military and all that sort of thing. So that, that just era wasn't as lovey-dovey as it is now. So I didn't get it from mom, didn't get it from dad. So I just wasn't getting it. So I just didn't have any love in terms of feeling it. And there is an argument that maybe they were showing it to me or giving it to me, but maybe I didn't, I wasn't able to receive it due to this personality disorder. There's also always this conversation around nature and nurture. You know, was I born like this or was this a product of my environment or is this a combination of the two? But there is a possibility that they could have been loving me, but I just didn't know how to feel it. So as far as I'm concerned, there's something not in there that I need. And then I'm on this quest to find it. And that's where the, you know, the criminality came in because it kind of filled it to a certain extent. The abuse at 11 years old, I know it's a difficult one to talk about but it's important as well because it helps other people who's maybe men, we bottle it up the most. One in four people, one in four kids on this planet are sexually abused. One in four. And the majority of them don't speak about it. Yeah. And especially men. Yeah. Men are the ones who struggle the most. I had a man on yesterday, crazy Steve. I'm not the case. I'm in a prison, abused. Bosto at 11 years old. I was embarrassed and ashamed because he says, I'm not gay in this and that, but he was just battling with that internal voice in his head and he's just released a book speaking about it. That strength that then takes away the pain and gives you your energy back and gives you a, some sort of inner strength where they don't have that control over you. When did it start? It was only a one-off thing. I think I sort of devalued my story quite a lot because I've shared it quite a lot. And it's normal for me. It's my internal map. It's what I've lived through. So it doesn't seem as significant to me anymore but I started doing, I can't remember if I ever mentioned a minute ago, but because I wasn't getting this love at home, I had this internal void and I thought, ah, you know, maybe if I'm famous, I'll better get it. So I started doing this act and singing and dancing. Didn't particularly like any one of them. I enjoyed it, but it wasn't like I want to be an actor. I want to be a singer, I want to be a dancer. I want to be famous from the age of 10. Probably started at seven, actually. And for three or four years, I used to do these act and singing and dancing things as in plays. I did everything even as, I even did ballet and tap dance at one point. You saw in the documentary, right? This is kind of, because I've always had this extreme behavior. If I'm going to do something, I'm going to do it like in an extreme way. So I'm not just going to dance. I'll be a ballet, be a ballerina. And I went to this stage school and it was an older guy inviting me back to his house. I knew there was an age gap, but I just thought it was an older lad. On reflection, you can look back and think, oh, how big was that age gap? And I still don't know. And I still don't know what his intentions were, whether or not it was a one-off, whether or not he did it deliberately, whether or not he was just a gay lad. But to cut long story short, I went round his house, stayed around his house that night, was on a bunk bed. Was it his mum's house? How old was he? It's hard to say, but I would say probably I was 11. He was probably 18. I probably thought it was less though. I think I thought he was maybe 15. He was like the cool, older kid that was smoking weed. And I was like, oh yeah, cool. Anyway, who knows how old he was. You really can't tell, can you really? Especially at that age, you know, the perception of age is difficult to tell. But I was, I don't know how this happened, but we was watching TV and I'd sort of dangled, I was on the top bed and I sort of dangled my arm over the bunk bed and then he grabbed my hand. I was just like, what the fuck is he doing? But you're frozen. You can't pull your hand away. So I just left it there. And then I'm like, you know, minutes are passing. I'm still holding this guy's hand. I just escalated to the point where the next thing you know, he's creeping up the top bunk. I'm like, oh fuck. And then I remember when my dad used to hit me, I used to freeze, you know, you've heard of it fight, flight or freeze, right? And also in school, I was very lairy, very cocky. I had this sort of, you know, mentality of I don't care, but I didn't really have the courage to fight back because of I think my dad hit me and not been able to hit him back. So I used to get jumped all the time and just lay on the floor and let people kick the shit out of me and then just stand up and be like, right, okay. So I was used to sort of freezing in that environment. And he, yeah, he came up in the top bunk, jumped onto, not jumped, but just got on top of me and start kissing the side of my face and the side of my neck and I just froze stiff. And then from there, it turned into full sexual abuse. Now somewhere along that line, I still to this day don't know why I did it, whether it was a survival mechanism, whether I thought it'd make it go quicker, whether or not I don't know, but at some point during that, it's probably like 15 minutes in though, by the way, of being completely frozen. I decided I must have made a decision I'm going to participate. So I ended up going through with it. And I think a lot of people that have experienced that will probably relate to that and go, oh, that's just what happens. And then that's what brings up all the crazy questions after. Did I just instigate that? Did he know that's what was going to happen when I came around his house? Have I done something gay? Am I gay? All these questions and then it's just shut down. So you got all these sort of things that are in your past that you just suppress him and suppress him. And to be honest, I didn't tell anyone about it and I didn't even feel that bad about it. It's not like I was sitting in the shower, you know, oh my God, what's happened to me? I've been raped or whatever, which I hadn't been by the way. I didn't go that far. It was everything else I've ever done that. I kind of just buried it to the point where I didn't really feel it and it didn't really affect me in a conscious awareness sort of point of view. Of course, subconsciously, it was affecting me more than I was aware of. Do you think that's because you're so used to blocking trauma out? It was just another form of trauma where you've been used, you've been abused. It's just shut off and move on to the next day. I guess so. You know, I just didn't have any awareness around myself back then. I mean, much later on in life, like 10 years later, I remember I was in a rehab program and I put my hand up and I said, Miss, what'd you do if you've got loads of problems but you don't know what they are? I didn't know what my problems were. I didn't know what my traumas were. I didn't know I was traumatised. I didn't know these things were bad things. I thought it was life. You know, I thought all parents must be like that. And I thought maybe those things happened from time to time or whatever. So, yeah, I didn't process it. I didn't understand it. And it was what it was. When did you start drinking? I mean, from an early age of probably 11, 12 down the park, you know, with your bottles of cider and all that sort of stuff, I obviously loved that. But that wasn't a problem. It was only when I was getting to about 16 or 17 that I used to find myself drinking a lot and getting drunk. But by 17, I was drinking like vodka, a lot of it, blacking out. And that was when it was becoming a problem and I was becoming violent as well. When does it kick in when you're the one, when the abuser, the one who's getting abused then becomes the abuser? Yeah. When did that happen? When was that switch? So, a few things happen along that journey. I kind of got an ASBO. I got expelled from school. I got involved with crime. I went into a young offenders' institution. And it was around that sort of time, the young offenders' institution. And also this time I got jumped by a group of lads because I remember I used to tell you, you got jumped. You just get jumped all the time. And I didn't really see it as being like, pussy or whatever and get beaten up. I saw it. I kind of liked it. I don't know. Kind of liked the idea of, whatever, do what you want to me. It doesn't bother me. Daddy, too, even fight back. But there was this one guy that jumped me and then I found, I saw him in a nightclub. And I went up to him and I didn't even mean to punch him. But my arm just came up and just hit him in the face. It was randomly. It was just involuntary. I don't know if it was because I subconsciously wanted to do it or just ready to do it or I don't know if it was impulse. Punched him in the face. We went into a fight. I won the fight. Got kicked out and I just felt powerful. And same with prison. Same with young offenders' institution. An environment where I had to fight it and had to, you know, not be a target and be vulnerable. So around about 18 years old I started to learn to fight and realize I was powerful. This whole time I felt powerless, you know. I was frozen. These things were happening to me. There's nothing I could do about it. I was quite small. But I had this growth spurt where I became six foot two. Also, I'm not going to act like I'm some fucking cage fighter or anything because I'll get ripped in the fucking comments. But I typically did quite good in fights. I don't know why. Long arms or something. I don't know. But I'd win. I'd win some fights against some big guys and it just filled me up. I felt great. And I also liked the reputation that came with that. I liked people sent to you what Lewis did last night. Lewis did that. Lewis did that. And that kind of gave me some form of significance. Some form of love in a way. It obviously wasn't love but it was the closest thing that I could experience to it. And it's not like I was going, if I punched a skizer I'm going to feel loved. But it was like, oh, I feel better. And we all do things that make us feel better. That's why we reach for, you know, external substances or whatever it might be. Anything that makes us feel better we want to do more of. And especially if you've got an addictive personality or you are an addict, you know, depending on how you look at it, you will abuse anything that makes you feel better. So for me, I believe I've become addicted to fighting like it was something that a craved looked for. It's not like I was going out looking for people to attack. Well, actually, in a sense, I guess I did, but I was doing it at nightclubs and things like that. It's not like I was going for the street, looking for an old lady or something like that. But I'll be in the nightclub and I'll be the typical fucking idiot that's had too much to drink and that's just, you know, you don't want to connect eyes because you know that it's going to kick off straight away. And I enjoyed it. That's the truth at the time because it just made me feel a little bit more complete. Did you feel as if you were getting some sort of power back? We've been bullied and abused your whole life. Yeah, I did. When did you end up in the YOs? What age? 18 and 19. What was that for? Stolar van. Well, I found a car key on the floor, pressed a button and it beep, so I put it in my pocket and then got drunk and then I remember that I had it and then went down and got the car and then didn't even had a driver and ended up managing to sort of figure it out. Got caught by the police, had some weed on me and then went to Young Avengers for three months. What was that? It's interesting because it was Wood Hill and it was a double A cat. I went to 2A and it was full of people that had done serious crimes. Yeah, why are you in double A cat with a lot of those? Yeah, yeah. It's because it was the closest one to where I lived at the time and it was like they put you there and then they re-categorize you or whatever, but they put me there for the first month or whatever. And mate, there was people that were in there for... Yeah, there was this one guy that was at the top of the wing that I thought that I was getting on with, actually. He played pool with him, had showers with him. He was 18 years old from Wales, used to be in there for killing a couple of geysers and that was a good thing at the time, you know. And, oh, you legend, you know. And then Googled his name when I got out, it turns out that he was homeless and some old lady who had just retired from doing like 50 years as a midwife, said, come on in, I'll look after you tonight. And in the middle of the night he tried to burgle her house and while she caught him, so he stabbed her 30 times to death. You know, that was the kind of people I was knocking around with. And also, do you remember back in the day there was those three lads from Liverpool who kicked some old man's head in through his helmet for a fiver? Not sure. Yeah, that was in the baby. They were in there. Some horrible people in there. But it fucked me up a little bit because, not a little bit, it did fuck me up because I was so vulnerable in my mind that I was so susceptible to picking up other people's beliefs and behaviours and I had already sort of started this quest for significance and power that I thought that was getting from these street fights. And then when I'm going into jail, I'm now bottom of the pecking order and people are saying, what are you in for? I'm like, I'm stealing a van. And they're like, oh, I'm in it for murder. And I'm like, I want to be in it for murder. It's fucking mental. I don't think I said I wanted to be in there for murder but I definitely thought I want something a little bit more significant so I can come in there and be a bit more proud of my charges. Fucking awful, what do you think about it? And when I came out of prison, that was in the back of my mind but also I've been given the worst punishment society had to offer and I didn't mind it. People with personality disorders, whether I have one or not, they don't really respond to punishment well, for some reason. That's why 80% of the prison population have personality disorders because for whatever reason, they don't learn from their mistakes. And 80% of the prison population come from a broken home. Yeah, yeah. And that probably creates a personality disorder. The kids aren't born with these sort of these labels. I believe anyway, it's pure. They're souls. They're just bundles of joy that can be conditioned and programmed to be spectacular in life with the right love, right guidance. But nobody really knows what the fuck is going on. Especially back then. I mean it's only now that we're sort of opening our minds up to personal development and the ways that we can learn about ourselves and our emotions. But when even I was growing up and I'm not particularly, you know, I'm still young, you know, just wasn't in the curriculum, was it? It's still isn't now. I mean that's a whole conversation I'd like to talk about at some point but I think the schooling system is absolutely broken. Like it teaches us, you know, algebra and photosynthesis and it's a pathway that will give you an option to get a job that will, you know, feed these large corporations that are all connected to the government but it doesn't teach you about yourself and your mission and who you are and your why and your values and your emotions and what you really want to do with your life. And it's just a huge gap for people to understand themselves better and have better awareness because if I had awareness around what was going on for me, I could have dealt with it but I didn't even know what was going on. So how can you do with something you don't understand? Yeah, the schooling system I create soldiers to work for the big corporations and not create an individual if you think it's spirit-minded where you just see the world for yourself make your own mistakes learn from them. But again, I think a lot of people are waking up but then I start a lot of people dumbed down there's only 3% in this world to goalset 3% 3% and writing stuff down in goals is so important for chasing your dreams or whatever you want to do in life if you're not then you become lost it's called spelling for a reason you're writing spells in the universe so people need to be careful what they're putting out there and if you're full of drinking drugs you're putting out the negative thoughts you're putting out the negative vibes and again you're just going to keep attracting that when did you get labeled with being a psychopath? yeah true so after I came out of jail I started to commit like violent offenses did you want to be could you have potentially done murders just to fit in with those guys who were doing them with that mindset? I don't think because it wasn't like I want to go and commit a bigger crime all on its own that was in the back of my mind it was like if I go back in so what? yeah it'd be cool to go back in for a bigger one because my belief system was warped because when you spend time with thousands of people and the first thing they say to you is what you're in for it doesn't take long before that is you you know so that was in the back of my mind but not something I was consciously aware of that with the addiction to violence and also this significance that I was getting through this sort of reputation and also winning a fight made me feel great and also the drinking drug abuse escalating to the point where I was blacking out and losing control of myself and I had all this deep root of trauma and as they say like a drunk man's actions or a sober man's feelings or whatever the expression is but I think I was always an angry violent person inside you to things that happened to me or however you'd want to phrase it and when I was under the influence of drinking drugs that was my outlet to just let it out to unleash it and it's difficult to unleash it in constructive ways when you don't know what they are when you're younger and I would either take it out on myself or take it out on other people and it wasn't always other people it was sometimes myself you know I've talked in a minute about a time where I tried to commit suicide but I've actually tried to commit suicide many times in sort of abstract ways ways that I should have died but I didn't there's only one time where I actually attempted to do it but there's other times where it was hit and miss whether or not that would have happened or not yeah but just more of a reckless kind of I don't give a shit like a self-sabotage I don't care about myself I just didn't love myself I didn't care about myself therefore you know if you don't care about someone then you don't care if they die and that was why I felt about myself but the psychopath thing so I managed to managed so I hit someone with a bottle and I gave them a brain hemorrhage and luckily I didn't get remanded I just you know obviously sensitive sadness but just to be honest the only reason I don't know I got remanded is I always used to put a suit on slick my hair and I looked like a just white guy from the village because I was from Kings Langley outside Watford so I can you know I can look the part and I always used to work in my favor I think because at one point I had five GBHs as different offenses and there's people that would have gone on remand for one of those so I don't know how I did it but I went for a pre-sentence report to see what I was going to get sentenced for and I went to probation and she said she actually wrote in there because I've read it Lewis is going to kill someone one day and she recommended me for an IPP I'm sure you've heard of that since you've been doing these podcasts but indefinite public protection order it's been abolished since because it's just in humane I mean Charles Bronson is still in there doing a 50 year based off of it so people are still on licence with them they can't they're trying to overturn them people who are out now there's even though people aren't getting them but the ones who have got them have still got them so they're not took away yet so I know people are getting put back to prison because they are IPP people aren't getting out still because they're on IPP people get four or five years they're then doing 18 and 20 years and it's because I guess my crimes didn't really fit that sentence because they weren't as severe but the potential of my mindset and the way that I was reacting to things and the escalation of my crimes and how quickly they were escalating because I'd also like the other GBHs I'll stamp on people's heads and break in their jaws and cheekbones and nose and stuff like that so it was like pretty much going over the top and then police tried to arrest me and then I'd fight the police and it just looked insane and I did look like I was about to kill someone and maybe I would have so she did the pre-sentence report she absolutely hated me well that's what I thought but actually quite rightly probably just said some negative things because I was a negative guy she sent me for a psychiatric assessment and I just thought it was part of the process but it wasn't and went to actually where was it? No I did go to St. Albans Albany Lodge that was when I got a section of the Mental Health Act that's another story but anyway I did a psychiatric assessment Dr. Sadler that was his name and he wrote this big report and it came back with this anti-social personality disorder and at the time obviously I'd never heard of it and I googled it and it said psychopath and like I mentioned earlier you can have personality disorder as various different ones there isn't necessarily a meaner or psychopath but it means that you're on this spectrum and some of those people can be labeled a psychopath and psychopaths even in itself isn't necessarily a bad thing it's interesting you know this is something I really want to break the stigma on because I think there's a lot of it's a big marginalised part of society especially in the the prison system 80% of the prison system have personality disorders and they inherently think they're bad and evil and they can never change and that's because they just don't understand that they have a mental condition but they don't understand the positives with every sort of negative there's a positive now they might not be emotionally tuned they might not have much empathy but they might be not risk adverse and they can take risks that other people aren't prepared to do they might be very assertive they might be decision makers they might be very strategic and that's why a lot of people get into crime because they have the ability to put themselves in situations that other people won't but if they were to understand these superpowers they could channel them obviously into entrepreneurship and things like that and have a place in society but anyway when you get labeled as a psychopath of course there's a stigma to it because everyone thinks a psychopath is a serial killer alright but you can be a serial killer if you're a psychopath because you are more prone to violence you are you're not risk adverse so doing those sorts of things you're impulsive there's various different traits of it I have to have a little look up again but overall it would make a good serial killer which is why they've become one most people that don't have these conditions couldn't bear the thought of doing things like that you know but there are also good psychopaths and there are also hidden psychopaths there are psychopaths in business leadership like there are probably arguments to say like I don't know Elon Musk or you know all of these you look at Michael Jordan you look at Tiger Woods make Michael Phelps their training their exercise their sacrifice to be the best their psychotic behaviour there's a thin line between success and psychopath I believe a lot of successful people are psychopaths yeah because you have to be you can tell with their mannerisms and the way they talk the way they think but they've used it in a positive and like yours says just because you're a psychopath it doesn't mean you're bad majority of people end up turning bad because there's not cut off your emotions where apparently you don't feel anything is that one of the factors of being a psychopath? I mean it's on a spectrum so your empaths which are people that feel so so much they actually consume other people's energy and feelings and that's even more debilitating in my mind because you can't even have a conversation with someone without crying and then you carry it the days after so that's one end of the spectrum the middle ground is someone that just naturally feels their emotions expresses them releases them, moves forward and it's all brilliant and they have this range this rainbow colour of emotions getting towards this sort of psychopath end your emotions become very limited and they're very numb they're very shallow so you're going to feel things but it's only if something serious happens if someone dies you're going to feel something if you split up with a relationship you're going to feel something but on a day to day basis general things probably won't phase you much like for example whether this is a product of psychopathy or whether it's a product of my environment someone can tell me a story it could be as deep and as dark as you could possibly imagine and it just won't really register with me this doesn't really affect me it's not like I don't have empathy for them on a logical level like I can sit there and understand I want to help them and understand they're going through a tough time but it's more cognitive I don't have this pain inside me or this heaviness this feeling of dread and empathy from a felt sense point of view and then you've got right at the end of psychopathy which are people that feel nothing and they also get thrills out of hurting people and those are the syroculars because they have a drive to do that now I'm nowhere near that end and I would admit that I'm on the spectrum I don't know where it comes from Nature vs. Nurture Jeff Beattie in the documentary says it's probably a combination of the both you could probably have a genetic factor but if you're brought up in a loving environment you learn to move through those traits and you learn to understand it to the point where you can actually nurture those that small flicker of emotion that you've got you can, you know, turn it into a throw fuel on the fire and turn it into something much greater but if you have a shallow set of emotions genetically and then you then suppress them down even further of course you're left with not much so I would say that I'm on there but I've used it to my advantage because, you know, if you can't see then you can hear better if you can't hear you can see better and I think that because I am less emotional not emotionally less but less emotional I'm able to strategically see better so I can see things that people can't see I can break things up in my mind that other people can't do I can map out plans I can see the future sounds a little bit out there but, you know, I have a vision for the future I can predict the way that things are going to go and I see sequential sets of things and I speak to other people and they don't have that so I don't really know what some of these emotions are that people feel but I know that I have the way of thinking that I know that other people don't think like so it's just harnessing the one that's going to help If someone's at the top end of the spectrum of being a psychopath can they change that method of thinking of trying to then start to feel or they're just totally gone I think the people that are right on that end I don't think so I think they are born that way there is actually no cure for personality disorders you can only learn to No, those ones you possibly I'm not sure Yeah, that one's a little bit more complicated it's just different, that one but personality disorder specifically there's like borderline personality disorder emotionally unstable personality disorder antisocial personality disorder they're all labels and they're all just some guy or woman that's gone this set of symptoms roughly means of this but we're all unique so it's difficult to really say but the people that are out psychopaths that feel nothing at all and get a thrill for hurting people are they curable I'd like to think they are but personally I think they're a bit too far gone there's something totally disconnected from that there's something in their brain that's not there just because you call someone it doesn't mean you know say go pathway their kids have been abused and they went round with their knife for me they're a hero that's my method of thinking but then people might call me a psychopath or a green with murder but there's different levels of life how you think, how you feel and everyone in my guest would be labeled a fucking psychopath if they were to go through a test but the majority of my guests are like in love, I speak to her very and always keeping in touch there's people that are in the military for example that go out there and fight for the country and our freedom and they might have to kill a few people in the process and then shut off and get back to work the next day and that is their psychopathy or is there a personality that's allowing them to be able to disconnect and see the bigger picture and there's also politicians that have been able to drive us to winning wars by being able to look at should we drop a bomb here and kill 200,000 people should we drop a bomb here and kill 300,000 people this one makes more sense oh my god but what about the other 100,000 so they have a place in society that doesn't mean they're necessarily bad and also people do things not because they have no emotions but because of circumstances like you said, if someone's hurt your child you're not doing it because you know that you can get away with it without feeling any guilt or remorse or shame you're doing it because you want to do it and you feel that you need to do it to protect somebody and they probably have a lot of trauma and guilt and things they have to work through to be able to process what they've done whereas a psychopath for example could probably do that and not care that's the difference, they could go and kill somebody because it's the right thing to do and be a good psychopath but then actually not care about it after what were you doing for money back then selling drugs were you a drug dealer? methadone actually meow meow meow don't know if you remember that smells like piss what was that, speed? no it was a plant fertilizer so it was a legal hire at first I know someone that used to get it shipped on a black market and like fucking fish tanks I used to get it from Scotland actually I'm a Nordic guy then and I thought I think they paid 100 quid, 200 quid then but we were selling it for like 2 or 3 grand it was mega money it was legal when I was selling it I made leaflets, I used to give them out round the pubs and then it went legal when everyone shipped themself but you know, someone like myself whether it's the condition or whether it's just me mcat, why not? yeah yeah yeah it was like shards of glass shards of glass, it fucking hurt your nose but it was stronger than coke, it was cheaper than coke and you didn't have really a come down for 2 or 3 days so like with coke, when the birds come out you're like oh my god I don't like shit but with that you're like hey shops are open, let's go and get another bottle of vodka so it was just a next level drug but yeah and then I moved into selling coke after that as well and I had a line and then I had a few people working for me I was no big time gangster, I don't want people to think I was but on a small scale people worked for me, I sold drugs I was violent, I was in that scene but it will wait a billion and one people above me in the pecking order were you telling people you were a psychopath? no I didn't even, do you know when I got that diagnosis I just brushed it off because I thought oh look, Mr Goody 2 shoes thinks that I've had a couple of fights because I've been out on the piss and he thinks I'm a psycho I didn't think anything of it, it was only later on in life where actually I turned my life around the symptomatic behaviour was no longer there but yet some of the traits that were in this diagnosis were still apparent so I thought actually it's interesting because I do feel different and I do feel these things and I started to notice a difference between me and most people that was something that was obvious I just didn't quite get a lot of other people I was confused at how they reacted to things and that got me thinking that I am different you know and I know that a lot of people feel that they are different but specifically in certain aspects especially emotions I just kind of got a lot very confused and then that made me look back at the diagnosis and go actually I take every fucking box on there when did you go to rehab? so... I was 18 I got pissed up on Jack Daniels this was when I was starting to get a bit aggressive but not violent drunk and then I was having an argument with a girlfriend at the time and when I first got this girlfriend actually I was 17 and she filled that void that I felt because my family had written me off at this point they said you are not part of the family anymore because you are affecting your younger brother I even had him selling drugs for me and he was 15 years old they said we don't want anything to do with him anymore so I felt I hated it at the time because again I didn't understand feelings or anything so I just felt I guess something and then had a... Dr. John D. Martini he talks a lot about void to create values so if you don't have something it will create a desire for it and I think because I was rejected it created this even more amplified need for significance and love and because I wanted significance and love it would also make me feel rejected because of other things but anyway I got this girlfriend and not only did she show me love but she invited me around to her family's house we would sit in front of the TV we'd have dinners and I was like oh my god this is what a family is like and I was with her for about a year and I fell obsessively head over heels and love with her like it was a bit a bit over the top thinking back in and now I wouldn't leave her alone she probably got sick of me by the end and we got drunk and we're having an argument and she said well you know what I cheated on you and I've had a lot of traumas in my life and I can list off a few more after this but that one was I would say probably the strongest trauma I've ever had which is weird isn't it because it's the one that probably most people can relate to and seemingly the least significant like everyone... oh young heartbreak whatever everyone goes through that but fuck me does that hurt you know especially when it's tied to all these other things because when she said that it hit me hard I felt loss that's what I felt was loss overall because I knew she was gone the moment she says that it's like you can't work anymore so I felt loss I felt the rejection not from just her but also kind of triggered the loss the rejection that my mum and dad and family had put me through felt at the same time kind of thing like it was reinforcing these things that I'd chosen not to bring my attention to but it was so overwhelming that I had to see it and I just felt like I'd lost everything and it confirmed you are this bad unlovable kid you know because I had prison probation school because I was expelled from school psychiatrists mum and dad everyone said I'm bad so I'm bad so I went blacked out went fucking berserk so I started smashing her kitchen in her mum's house pulled out a draw draw hit the floor and a six inch kitchen knife just fell down out of the draw and I didn't even think of it again it was another one of those impulses like with the guy that I punched and I just went like didn't even think of it it was in 0.5 seconds and just about ready to see the scars there and there and I slipped my throat and it started to spurt in my blood and then I went downstairs and I was like what have you done Lewis passed out ambulance karma started fighting me paramedics and then they eventually arrested me, stitched me up at the hospital and I was going leave me I want to die because I just did want to die leave me I want to die don't touch me fuck off they did stitch me up then I ran back up to her house it was all crazy scenario and I got a section of the mental health act they put me in Albans Albany lodge that was what I was thinking about earlier and put me in a padded room blood everywhere you can just imagine I'm laughing me because it's fucking mad as well but this is what love does love is painful love is not what's going to find and feed your missing pieces or whatever is missing in your life everybody wants to feel love it's the most purest form of anything on this planet is love and if you've got love you're winning but love is painful because it's not a 24-7 thing same as happening so positivity it's not 24-7 it's something you need to work at and being that kid who's abused and lost and never felt love and having that companion and somebody who cares for you it might be fake love but you don't care you're willing to just take it because it's such a good feeling it makes you feel warm, it makes you feel precious you would fucking kill for the bitch that's the way it is, you would die for them you're basically trying to kill yourself for them I believe men are the most vulnerable when it comes to relationships and what hits us the most that's when you see relationship break up you see the men partying away at the ocean beach fill a drink of drugs she thinks oh he doesn't care about me he's doing that because he's broken he's doing that because he misses you he's doing that because he doesn't know what to do so they self-medicate women kind of just go and have their discussions and they heal quicker men don't, there's relationships you think about in the past you go fucking I love turned but yet you destroyed it with your antics love is painful but I like it so you're then fucking try to top yourself you've slit your wrist, your missus is cheating you're already a nutcase, you've been expelled abused, fucking battered your whole life what happens then when you're sitting in a white padded cell it was pretty crazy it was pretty crazy because I was just off my head and I just always used to kick off even in the police cells I would I would just bang on the door for hours and hours on end I just wanted to cause trouble I would sometimes, I knew the cameras in there and I would just run into the wall head first and I would tend to be knocked out with my tongue hanging out my mouth just so they'd come in and then when they'd come in I'd Charles Bronson it up and try and fight I wouldn't fucking put Vaseline over me or whatever but I'd just slap kick it off I'd just give me something when I was younger I used to smash bust up windows constantly just looking to get arrested so I used to just enjoy it I think in a weird way or enjoy the attention or need something and hope that that might have been the thing that gave it to me and my dad sat me down and said Lewis, why are you doing this? It never came anyway after that the fucking crazy thing was because I was 17 and you know I was this like pretty boy white guy with fucking blonde highlights at the time they woke up and they I woke up and they just said blonde highlights does shout outs I'd go up after me go back 15 years ago 15 years ago that's the thing mate I used to have the fucking Gareth Gates space I just love setting files back in the day that was my thing I'd set everything in fire if I hadn't burnt my mum and fucking dad's house down nearly set my dad's car in fire just loved that I loved the smell I loved being round up the destructive there's a saying for it there's a label for that the setting of fires Paramania I don't know man but it's not normal I just fucking loved it I used to love the sound of shattered glass I used to smash massive windows but also just small bust up windows I used to love the when you smash a window I feel like that was a reflection of your life shattered maybe I didn't think of it like that maybe it was but yeah I came out of the so they said are you alright now I said yeah I'm alright now they said alright you got a contact number so someone could pick you up and then they just my mum picked me up how long you on for I was in there for the night didn't say anything about mental health condition I used to drink and my mum picked me up and then she took me in the car 15 minute drive or whatever I didn't say a fucking word and then this time these were literally bulbous because they had stitched up with wire and you know when you stitch them you've got to like push it together like that so mine I look like a fucking Frankenstein a carrot all over me obviously seriously in a bad place and not the mental health profession is not my mum said a word and my dad didn't say a word so it was just like Louis has done some fucking loopy again how far are we from your artery from your artery very close it's an ecliptic that's why it was spurtin I nearly died yeah when did you start looking at your life and realising that you were there was something I missed that you weren't right in the head is there a moment for you I kind of always knew I was a bit loopy but I kind of thought I was in control or choosing to do that self-sabotage kind of live fast, die young kind of mentality I always felt different I had this one voice that told me I was special and there's something big for me out there but then that felt quite overwhelming and then I also had this voice that told me I was bad and unlovable that obviously came from my dad but I didn't really understand this so I had this conflict in my brain overwhelming but there's something about extremes that I've always liked so the idea of normalcy scares me I've been in sweatboxes the police wagon taking you to jail sitting there handcuffed going to jail, looking through the window feeling sorry for people walking to work like I'm fucking glad I'm not you thinking I'm in a better position I would rather be in jail than do that a lot I don't know, what do you think I don't know because I still feel a bit like that now I've always said that if I got to like 50 I'd just fucking under now smuggle drugs across the border what is making it to you does anybody define success and money definitely still figuring it out to be honest because every time I climb that ladder I realise that I've propped up against the wrong wall or I need another rung on the ladder if I get here I'll be happy it's never ending the money's never ending the fame and it doesn't bring happiness even bullshit man it's fake especially when you try to be successful because it's always levelling up raising a bar, more pressure, more sacrifice just try to stay sane in an insane world this is a mental institute the whole earth is a mental institute the killings, the bombings, the drink, the drugs the violence, it's not normal it's not normal, some people think this is hell and they've got a fucking right reason to believe it but there is a lot of pure stuff on this planet newborn babies, they love the joy where they can go in life and the nature there's a lot of beautiful stuff on this planet we don't touch on enough but it is what it is man if people can find their passion and find their true purpose they can do anything in their life and there's people with less than me and you who are happier you think man you kind of get envious of them when you've got nothing you're envious of the people with something and you start making something you're envious of not having anything because you're quite content not having to chase anything and people working 95s I used to think but now that you've become self employed and working for yourself you work more hours Dana White says that you're working Christmas day New Year's Eve, New Year's Day your laptop at 5 and then that's it fuck off man this is the right idea it's some psychotic bastard it's only recently that me and my business partner we've been grinding on the business 14 hours a day, 7 days a week just doing what we need to do and we came up with this revolutionary idea it was like why don't we work Monday to Friday it takes Saturday and Sunday off to refresh and then come back on Monday and we was like that's a fucking great idea and then we're like hang on to me that's what everyone does that's just a normal 9 to 5 but yeah that balance is hard to do when you've got those responsibilities but yeah maybe people have got it right I mean I was watching Come Dime with me recently for the first time in a long time I don't really watch TV but I just had seen a bit of sort of typical I was watching and I thought all of them are happier than me not that I'm like miserable but like I've got this such this this compelling drive that were and you would have heard this story over and over again so I won't go into too much detail but Voids create values as I mentioned so there's this internal drive to prove my dad wrong to show him that I can amount to something and that I am significant and loved and my dad's died since so I'll never be able to fulfill that circle and that loop so I'm replaying that program I'm cognizant to be aware of it doesn't stop it from replaying and I'm working on it and I'm breaking it down and I'm bringing more awareness to it and you know each day each month each year you know becoming better and becoming more aware of things that do make me happy and you know moving away from the things that are just superficial but I can't even remember what the point was now overall yeah I have got a lot of space for happiness and I don't know if that comes from the reality disorder as well because emotions you know happiness joy, happiness, fulfillment they are shallow for me some days I do feel quite flat you know flat is quite a common feeling for me and I think it is for a lot of addicts as well that's why we feel the need to use drink drugs or anything like gambling sex anything to give us that edge to make us feel a bit better you know trying to use an external problem to fix an internal solution you know you've got a lot of experience about yourself I do feel flat sometimes and I don't know whether that's just part of my genetic make up I don't know if that's something that will change through time but I think a lot of people can relate to that as well did you ever have that conversation with your dad? no no so he when I was 21 he got pancreatic cancer from the drinking he was an alcoholic he would drink like a bottle of vodka and like a bottle of wine and two beers one night every night for as long as I knew him and yeah one day I walked in and found him well he sick loads of blood and then we went to the hospital to visit him and they said oh yeah he's on this room over there he was going to go visit him walked into the room and nurse forgot to tell me he died so I just walked in and just see him dead he literally yelled over our phone he was like what the fuck yeah he died and he whiffed away into this tiny old man he must have aged about 40 years in 6 months like he went from like dark hair tall fat to literally arms like that complete white hair 80-90 year old looking man when he was 53 in 6 months it was crazy but yeah he died so we never had a chance to have that conversation but interestingly I've done some conscious connected breath work I don't know if you've heard of that it's a specific breath work it's not like Wim Hof but it's where you have this circular rhythm of breath work and they say that it releases trauma it can release trauma as well I've done that for a few weeks sorry to interrupt but I was getting angry me and my friend Jed Neil Glasgow mad bastard back in the day changed his life and we were doing a lot of the breath work but we were getting fucking angry after it we were going in the cars and I'm quite content now and I'm not angry but we stopped I had to stop because I felt it was like something coming to a head but I felt as if it was bottled up he carried on with it it feels good for it now but I was getting more angry on some occasions after doing it it was like a release it's obviously a blockage but the breath techniques and breathing exercises are unbelievable that's like a rhythm in that it's like where you're breathing well there's a few things to it they say that emotion is stored in the body so we usually have this emotional loop where if something happens you feel the emotion you understand it express it fully by crying by venting by shouting whatever it might be and then you then process it and then you let it go and then that's it it's complete that emotional loop is complete but if you don't like we like men do and society tells us to be strong and you know whatever you experience an emotion you don't release it or express it in any way and then it stores itself in the body energetically not the spectrum but there is some truth to it because I've experienced it but there's also conscious connected breathing where you act as an altered state so just like if you hyperventilate or whatever you're going to get a bit dizzy or whatever or you do like a fucking NOS balloon or whatever when you breathe so deeply in this conscious connected way where your inhale meets your exhale you start to create this rhythm and as sooner or later you just zone out and you drop into some weird fucking space and you know unless you've done it you obviously won't be able to unless people are listening have experienced it you won't be able to get your head around it because the brain doesn't really know much they don't really understand the difference so much between imagination and memory and dreams and memory these are all just creations of our brain they're very similar and in these altered states of consciousness I've gone in and I've had conversations with my dad although he's dead I've even had a conversation with him when he was my age so one of these times I was like bang I was like passed out completely passed out he started getting, I can't remember what it was called tingles, it's like a spasm yeah and you're just all fucking mad people would think that's the him in the fucking white cell again but you do it with those six sort of breathing techniques the tingles, the pain the people screaming, the crying there's a lot of emotion comes to the surface so you then seeing your dad what happened so I had a conversation with my dad when he was my age so it was me and him 30 to 30 years old and I was just like wow he's a nice geezer and I just sort of came to this realisation that he'd just been through trauma and we had a conversation and I wasn't aware enough to be able to say everything that I wanted to say because obviously I was in this dream state so it's not like I was like brilliant dad I've got you here but these questions that I wanted you to answer I was able to have a little bit of an experience of having a conversation with my dad which obviously is something you would never be able to do when someone's died but I also had this really powerful experience once which actually showed me the root of all of my trauma so I was having this conscious connected breath work again passed out into the state takes like 20-30 minutes to get into this place and I do it in Bali and I have all these other fucking shit going on around me and stuff I go full in with it it's not just me going you know I've got people massaging my feet and fucking banging drums and shit and getting right in it because I like to be immersive and I saw this little kid and I was like who's that and then I got close to him and I was like it was me it was a young version of me about 7 years old and I could tell something was a matter because he was this upset little kid people watching this are going to think this guy's fucking off his head but if you try it then you'll know it's one of those things and I said what's the matter he wouldn't tell me and I kept on trying to take his face like that to look at me like tell me what's the matter and he would look away you know like typical and I said what's the matter and I knew that this kid me had the answer to something that I was burying I said what's the matter and then it just zoomed out and it took me into my nannin granddad's house on my granddad's retirement birthday which I'd just completely forgotten but it all came back like vividly and it was a time where my two uncles beat my dad up and I was there and I was jumping on top of my uncles and I was pulling their hair out and I was going get off my dad get off my dad and I just I remember feeling powerless like I couldn't protect my dad and I just erupted into this fucking tsunami of emotion from this breath work session put me in the feet feet all position and I kind of just it poured out and I woke up and I was just like what the fuck's happened and they were just fucking bed was just drenched and I'd been crying for about 15 minutes and then I realized that that kind of where I think that's where everything stemmed from I felt like I couldn't protect my dad I felt powerless and I felt guilty like it was my fault I couldn't do anything and then once you have something like that going on and then these other things get piled on top like your dad hitting you after and telling you your buffoon after you don't go oh it's because this happened you just collect all these experiences and you make a view of who you are and how you sit in the world and for me I drew the conclusion obviously that I was bad and that was not a good conclusion to draw did you forgive your dad um yeah I have yeah because you understand the beatings and the abuse and the addiction he had that's a lost soul as well yeah yeah he had his issues yeah for sure um it's more difficult to do the forgiving piece when you've never actually had that conversation part of me still thinks that if he if he saw me he would still have something to say like oh look at Louis fucking scammer put me down again because I remember I got a job once and I was I got a job as like an IT salesman a little bit tele-sales-ish but a bit more premium than that and I came home told him about it and he was like you're one of those annoying blokes that bring me up at work so he's always got to fucking say something to his dad and he would call my brother the intelligent one and he'd say to me like why can't you be funny like your brother always had something to say so part of me thinks he would still do that I'd love for him not to do that I'd love for him to be able to say you know proud of you and all that sort of thing but I'll never get that so I've kind of got to give that myself um but I definitely forgive him for what he did because I don't think he knew any better as well I think he had that from his dad a sort of generational trauma when you're dad unfortunately I mean specifically before Jinkie's seen a lot of himself in you possibly never really thought of that but yeah maybe makes sense I'm very like him now even like him now really very different as well at the same time yeah of course but you can recognize certain bits when did you start making the changes in your life to then not be that fucking drink, drug, fuel, full of hate and anger yeah so the violence just got worse to the point where I was addicted to fighting where I would just go in fight a couple of times a night like sometimes I'd go into night clubs fight get my shirt ripped off go and give a homeless guy a five I'd get his t-shirt put it on and then go to the back of the queue and get back in have another fight it's just stupid and then I worked abroad in Aynapa and Magaluf and I was getting in trouble with all sorts of people from the mafia so nightclub owners you know get my jaw broken, my teeth knocked out slashing the back of my knife everything was just absolute chaos drink, drugs became a drug addict and an alcoholic to the point where I had to wake up and drink and I was doing drugs for four days in a row without eating or sleeping I know that you've done a lot of gambling but I was obsessed with gambling as well I used to sometimes go and watch gamblers with no money just to watch the fucking roulette when roulette will spin for fucking 12 hours straight out of the season in the middle of the bookies ones because I hadn't eaten or fucking anything just absolutely gone and there's probably a lot in between that I've missed out of course that that life of chaos every day is a different story I could share with you but I don't really like to get into the kind of the war stories you know because I wasn't that guy I was a fucking ballerina at one point I was never a big time gangster I was from a village outside of Watford I just somehow managed to get county lines into the sort of drugs and things progressed a little bit but anyway it was quite chaotic but it got to the point where I came back from my traveling abroad thought I was choosing to do the drugs and the alcohol because it was part of the lifestyle and I was embraced for it so I was like the craziest one on the island in Ilappa because I was just fucking swinging from balconies fighting like with Cypriot mafia literally I know that sounds like bullshit but you just bring people in to prove it because they would tell me you better stories than I would I don't laugh at this shit because I blacked out every night but I'd wake up in the morning and I'd say to my mate what did I do and he'd say are you fucking the fucking mafia and I'm like no I didn't oh yeah you did but they kind of had a weird sort of level of respect for me in the end because I was just this crazy nutcase anyway so life went chaotic came back from abroad and realised that I was still needing drinks still needing drugs got a job because I could always put a front on could always put a suit on and it looked like a very well respected you know working class white guy you know I didn't have any I've had lots of bruises on my face but you know when they were healed they didn't have any scars so I could and I would never disclose my criminal record so I could walk in and get most jobs and I could lag an interview easily so I got this job as an IT sales rep again it was around Christmas and two weeks in I had a fight at the Christmas party and got sacked so it was Christmas time I went out and I was in a taxi queue and I didn't realise there was a long taxi queue and I just jumped straight to the front tried to get in a taxi and some guy started to grab me and this is not an excuse this is just to explain what was going on because to this day I don't know what the guy looked like because all I can see is my dad's face I just remember my dad going you fucking idiot you buffoon you know it triggers you it triggers the real thing it's no excuse you can't just say oh I stabbed him he triggered me you know I understand that but it's you know it makes sense as to why people do things like that people don't just always decide I'm going to go out and commit that crime there's usually a reason for it and sometimes it's because you know something's happened or sometimes it's because the situation has escalated and it's caused you to react in a certain way due to previous experiences of trauma and what have you anyway this guy shouted in my face you call me something you reminded me of my dad I was 25 he was 40 and I punched him and he went straight down head first and it was a thud right on the concrete and everyone looked around the train station and I looked over him and I was going to stamp on him to be honest it's a sort of horrible fuck I was to be honest I did not have any morals of fighting I would stamp on people's heads I just wanted to win that was my only intention and I looked over him and I saw this slow dark trickle of blood and I'd only seen that in films when someone had been shot in the head and I thought he's dead he is dead so I literally got my barber jacket off and I put it over his head I thought he's dead there was a CCTV camera and I just literally held my hands up and waited for him to arrive if I left and I'm going to get even longer on my sentence put me in the back of the car didn't tell me if he was dead or not he was in a coma for 3 days and he had another brain hemorrhage but at this point I had 2 GBHs on my record 4 ABH and a fray because the other GBHs got dropped down in the end and 2 of these GBHs both caused brain hemorrhages so obviously I went to prison I should have got a lot longer they said you would get 3 years so they gave me half off usually get a third off for pleading guilty but I got half, so I got 18 months which is actually a very low sentence but again I feel sorry for people that get judged by the way that they look but I think just always if you put a suit on and you slick your head to the side you get half of your sentence little top tip for you criminals out there but boys and girls but I used to always get low sentences I don't know why I think it's because of that not fair at all and that was the moment I changed my life round and I'd love to tell you it's because I had a lot of guilt or remorse for that guy but it's very hard to have guilt or remorse for that guy when to me I don't know him I don't even know what he looks like he shouted at me in a taxi queue if I was playing the game right now I could say to you I feel so bad about what I did it's fucking awful that he had to experience that and intellectually I can say that but do I really feel remorse or guilt for it difficult because I didn't experience it at the time if it happened now I think I would because I've grown a lot but because it happened back then when I was just completely shut off I can't just like go back and change some emotion and remember it so that wasn't my turning point the fact that I nearly killed someone wasn't my turning point it was actually the fact that this isn't in the documentary because obviously I couldn't put everything in there my friend my friend and I said what people have said about me on social media because I still got a buzz off that I liked it I'm thinking I'm sitting there thinking everyone's going to be talking about this pathetic I know it is but I'm just being honest I like to be just raw and as honest as it can be and there'll be people going what a fucking idiot the comments are going to be going off the fucking but it's always going to happen but I just got to be honest and I think a lot of people can relate to it I mean there is an element of pride that goes into it I was why the fuck would you do it you know these people want to do those things obviously they wouldn't do it I don't think many people would admit to it and I wouldn't want to do it now I've got a whole different perspective over the world but at the time that fed me and I didn't have anything else there was no love, there was no significance there was no self-worth it was just literally the kind of power and the significance I felt and the reputation that I'd got and the identity of being crazy and I kind of liked it because it was all there was any option I had it was that or nothing and fuck knows where nothing would have led me probably you know trying to commit suicide again so they said during the front page of the paper Orishan Violent which I didn't know what it was but it was a pig which is nice I didn't care but they said there's a picture of you that your mate has posted on Facebook one outside the courtroom the day you were sentenced and one outside the exact same courtroom the day you were sentenced seven years before with the caption above it nothing changes and weirdly that was the thing that kind of triggered it because it was my best mate at the time and he was kind of just about worse than me in some respects not worse than me in some respects we were equally as bad I was thinking how can you fucking say nothing changes and for him to say that made me actually think because if a goody two shoes says that I'm going to be like well of course but you know this guy is you know wrong as well so I'm thinking okay nothing changes and then he got me thinking nothing had changed you know I tried to change things around me but I'd never once looked at myself and I realized although it's absolutely obvious that if I wanted to change my life I had to change myself and up until that point I'd blamed everything and everyone around me for my life was so difficult I'd never taken responsibility or looked at myself and this is really cheesy and cliche but it is my story so I've got to tell it I went back to my cell and they didn't have mirrors in there they just got scratched off a piece of metal and I looked at myself in this scratched off piece of metal and although it was probably the worst reflection I've ever seen I got a chance to just look at myself properly for the first time like I really looked at myself and um I made a decision that I want to change myself and luckily I've had this addictive personality I've been addicted to drink, drugs, sex, gambling whatever it might be whatever gave me something I would obsessively do it and I latched on to the fact that I'm going to change my life completely I had ideas of changing my name moving away you know just changing everything and I got addicted to personal development I started small in prison I started to you know tidy up my cell go to the gym sign up for maths and English lessons do rehab programs do counselling, do AA meetings and I realised that there was so much support available you know I was the guy that was going fuck everyone, no one wants to help me they just want to keep us locked up the moment I opened my eyes and just looked for help it was there everywhere and one thing led to the next and I started off with maths and English and that was an interesting sort of thing that I had to go through because obviously I had this fear of being stupid and I'd left school with no GCSEs because I was expelled and I was doing maths and English functional skills one and two which is the equivalent of like a 10 year old and I went in there and I just screwed the paper up and chucked it away and and even though I just wanted to sign up for it I was 25 years old I was acting like a kid and the lady come and sat down next to me and asked me what was the matter and I just said I just don't understand which is really weird for me to say because I didn't even try and understand it I didn't read the paper, hadn't looked at the board didn't even know what the class was about and then I realised I was just on this autopilot of I'm never going to allow anybody to prove that I'm stupid because it's this deep fear of proving my dad wrong so I would avoid it at all costs and that was causing me to be defensive and that was why I was crossing my arms and she sat down with me she helped me do a couple of calculations and I got them right and she eventually supported me to do my maths and English functional skills I could go into this whole journey but maybe they can watch a documentary to see the whole thing but I did that I then did this RAPT program which is Rehabilitation of Addictive Business Trust and that was the first time I got chance to learn something about emotions because they used to give us pieces of paper before they gave us pieces of paper and we'd go around in a circle and we'd all just say I'm right or I'm angry or I'm angry because no one had any other range of emotion whether it was these personality disorders or the fact that they'd never learnt to nurture them their only outlet is usually anger which is why they get themselves into a lot of these situations but then they give us these pieces of paper and it would have different types of emotions on there and people would say well I guess actually today I'm feeling a bit frustrated or I'm feeling a bit sad you know we'd start to actually connect you know what we're feeling to what that could actually be called and start to build up our emotional intelligence you know I was emotionally unintelligent and yeah I started learning bits of personal development very basic stuff and I thought fuck this works this is good like this is helping so I got a flavour for it and then they offered me an opportunity to do rehab it was a six month rehab they'd pick me up from the prison gates take me straight to rehab and I did exactly that and I thought that was going to be a lovely experience and it turned out to be worse than prison because in prison you can 23 hours a day a lot of the time depending on what prison you're in but definitely for a large part of the day you lock behind your door in this safe environment technically once it's locked and you're just blissfully in this place where you can just be ignorant to anything there's no past because it's got done there's no future because it's been taken away from the prison you know I say that prison is the most some of the most relaxing periods of my life I like parts of prison sometimes I miss parts of prison because there's no way to be no one to be nothing to do nothing to decide, no responsibilities no bills to pay, nothing to even think about you just get your door unlocked you go in here, okay that's it so there's something so peaceful especially when they lock that door at night and you're like but in rehab I thought they were going to teach me not to drink and not take drugs didn't even talk about it rarely talk about it, they just spoke about me why I felt the need to use the drinking drugs the trauma, my story, the way that I felt the way that I thought my limiting beliefs, my perspective of the world and they got me to really highlight all of the damage that I caused to myself and others to the point where it feels so painful that you go fuck I need to change that and it was so painful that there was a guy in our rehab that hung himself off his shoelaces on the stairs and killed himself fucking crazy but I did the work didn't want him at first there was a stubborn kid at first he was literally like a child did the work, walked out that rehab six months later and my head felt clear it wasn't good it wasn't good at first, at one point I felt suicidal as well it wasn't like I wanted to kill myself but I remember going back to my little cell pretty much as it was wasn't far off the cell and um it would be so overwhelming that with suicidal thoughts, I don't think it's necessarily always I want to end my life it's just this is so painful and this is so painful what else can I do you know, I can't go back to my old ways of living life now because you've exposed it you've ruined it for me because I now know that it's fucking awful so if I go back to that I'm going to feel like a scumbag and this new way of recovery is going to lead me through this whole path of going through all sorts of shit that I don't want to be thinking about so where do I go from here and yeah, I had suicidal thoughts and it was painful but I wrote myself a note and when I was on feeling positive I call it the inner coach and the inner critic there's the person that there's the thought in your head the voice in your head that wants to cheer you on there's the good things in your life and there's also the thought in your head that wants to sabotage and drag you down the problem is a lot of people don't know the differences between those two voices and they act on everything that they hear they use the analogy if you can't trust yourself who can you trust, right? wrong if I trusted myself, I'd be fucked I've got to ignore myself most of the time and think what would someone else do because my way doesn't work but I started to separate those voices and when I got the positive voice that's like this is good for you you're making progress you're in rehab, you're cleaning the sober you're moving in the right direction I'd have to write it down because I knew it wasn't long before the other voices coming in I'd write it in I put it up on the wall and then it said something like dear Lewis, you've been here before you're going to be here again, keep going this will pass keep going, love the real Lewis and once I got through that battle the internal battle between these two these two voices and this is not like some fucking what would you call it, schizophrenic voice this is the same internal dialogue we all have but usually it's just one harmonious voice rather than being able to separate the two but it's important to separate the two so we can choose where we give our power where we give our energy and our attention and when I would win, I see winning the battle my inner critic would become weaker because it doesn't have the power to influence me anymore my inner coach would become stronger and then I'd go to the piece of paper that I put on the wall and I'd sign it to remind myself that I have won this battle before and then that battle would become less and less I would not need to read the paper anymore and after a while that process was happening automatically in autopilot and then after a while the inner critic becomes so drowned out that it was barely there now of course every now and again it rear its head but I'm so aware of what that voice is and what it says to me I'm just like, ah okay, I know that voice and I know what you're trying to do and you're not going to get me so that's when it started working on yourself all the inner demons, all the pain, all the misery change, you know yourself when you try to change it's not so much the change, it's painful it's the conscience that reminds you of the shit that you've done the hearts that you've broke the people you've fucked over, the lies the stealing, the cheating, the damage that you've done to yourself internally that's the hard part for me because you block it all out you're living a life of a fucking coward and I always say it with the great pretenders, we're all actors this is just a big act, this is just a big stage and everybody's just acting fucking mad but it's the conscience how did you deal with that when it reminds you of the shit that you've done nearly killed yourself, the suicidal thoughts the psychiatric wards the fucking being diagnosed as a psychopath and then it's just how did you then, did that happen in rehab or was that a steady process in terms of how it made me feel about it when you start remembering the shit to be honest I've still got these low shallow flicker of emotions so it's not like I was hit with this overwhelming sense of guilt I must admit I still in rehab didn't get it I would see people graduate from rehab and I'd see other people around me crying and I'd be like the fuck is the matter with you thinking they're the problem stop being a fucking drama queen you just barely met the person that's what you're growing for but really I was jealous and insecure about the fact of why haven't I got that but what I did the realization I did have is the fact that I've been traumatized I don't necessarily take the label of trauma or a victim or whatever but when I was sharing one of the exercises in rehab is to share your story and I didn't know what it was now I can just reel it off and I know all the segments of the trauma especially like the sexual abuse one I hadn't probably thought about that in 10 years or longer 20 or something maybe not that long but yeah it was it was only when I actually got told to go away and write my story out and then you share it to the group and I shared my story thinking kind of still thinking that everyone was going to be like look at this young lad coming in I think he's got problems because there was like heroin addicts, crack addicts that had come off the street that were like 50 years old kids taking away that I thought their stories were going to be not that their stories weren't significant but I thought they were going to look at my story like fucking how is that it shouldn't really be in there but I shared my story and their jewels dropped like that and I thought fuck and it hit me then that I was traumatized that I actually had trauma because I never didn't know before I knew like some shit things that happened and it kind of shaped me but I didn't realize they were to that extent and I actually needed to be in rehab and there was a lot of work to do and there was this one poignant moment where I was still very defensive because that was that was my defense and to be defensive to show my own, I'm not doing this track suit bottoms, hand amateurs you know the guy still like that at 25 years old and I said I don't know what you're trying to do to the council, you're just trying to brainwash me because I still didn't like the idea of normality I did not like that, I still don't know I still haven't quite picked out why I didn't like that but I think it's because I've got this extreme mindset, black and white thinking I'm either going to be a fucking career criminal or I'm going to be a fucking god I should have said that, that'll be the fucking papers tomorrow but I've got this black and white thinking I think it actually might come from the personality disorder actually I think it's one of the symptoms all or nothing but I said you're just trying to brainwash me you just want me to be like you and I don't want to be like you I didn't probably say that exact words but I was thinking that and I said something along those lines and she said Lewis your best thinking your absolute best thinking has put you into prison and now into rehab maybe your brain needs a good wash and that was the realisation that I kind of needed to sort of hit my ego a little bit and realise that my way wasn't working I married that up with the fact that I had these two voices and realised that I was the one in favour of this empowering inner coach that's going to drive me forward and if I keep on listening to myself and this inner critic then I'm just going to revert back to my old ways like I kept on doing over and over again I made two steps forward and ten steps back wondering where everything went wrong things spiralled out of control all the time and so I decided I needed to try somebody else's way so I did all of their stuff and I hated it all how long ago was this? eight years ago did you start the leave coaching stuff then because back in the day I used to listen to Les Brown Tony Robbins getting an understanding of life and changes but when did the leave coaching start? when did you start that small time million pound business? so I started off I finished rehab that was six months then I did AA and AA meetings did 90 meetings and 90 days and he came up to me one day and he said can you help me? and I was like what the fuck are you asking me for? I'm an addict as well I'm fucking no use to you mate you don't want to learn anything from me he said I don't know but this is my first day so I said alright you can get a cup of tea over there and his leaf looks over there and his fag break halfway through and then it made me realise actually I can help people even though I'm not exactly where I need to be I'm one step ahead and that gave me a little realisation and I felt kind of good for helping that person for the first time I never helped anyone before I don't think that was a worry of anyway and then part of my I was on employment support allowance like benefits and I can't remember what it was a part of I think it was probation but I had to do voluntary work as a part of it and I did some voluntary work and I started enjoying that as well and I just got a bit of a I just got immersed into this world of personal development and I was seeing the changes in my life and I moved away from all my friends and family and lived in Portsmouth where this rehab was and I was blown away that I changed my life you know I never thought I was going to change you know I wasn't the one that was going to change some people might have changed but not me but I did so I was compelled to share it so I started just sharing it with pretty much everyone I spoke to and I used to always look for people online that look miserable and say hey do you want to go for a coffee and we'd meet up at Costa Coffee and I'd sit there and have a coffee and help them for free and fucking blow their minds and then I realized that everything in rehab everything in the AA meetings everything that I'd ever experienced not only I'd got through myself but listened to in other people's stories and their relapses and breakthroughs and their denials and beliefs and triggers and dramas I'd absorbed it all and I'd created the world's best life coaching training in my opinion and went away and did some qualifications and things like that and started to charge for it and this was seven years ago I was actually only about seven years seven months out of jail when I became a life coach which is fucking mad when you think about it but take action guys don't wait, yeah there's people in prison that come life coaches yeah wow anybody can change, I always fucking say it I'll keep saying it for people who register on their mind no matter your background, no matter who you are what you are you can make better changes in your life to be a better individual 100% does it mean you're immune to all parents' traumas you know you're going to be living to the day you die with all that pain and trauma it's just you don't feed it anymore I think about drinking drugs and gambling all the time you just don't act on it, it doesn't have the power the way it used to when I was weak when I was soft, when I was fragile when I thought that was the right idea there comes a stage in your life where you go enough's enough, I don't want to be this fucking idiot anymore you know what I'm saying I started life coaching business it was free at first just helping people feeling good about it because when I was again through my changes I was preaching all the time I ended up becoming a fucking PT I felt as if I was preaching because I made these changes and I wanted to share it with everybody but you know yourself, you're on that journey back in the day if you were in the fucking mental institute and had your own gear, somebody says I can change it, they told me fuck off you would think he was crazy but at the start I was preaching a lot were you doing that sort of thing? I tried to hit it from a different point of view where I didn't tell people what to do and I just shared what I had went through so I took it from an eye point of view rather than a new point of view people don't like to be told what to do I was telling everybody don't drink, don't drink fucking mugs, gambling, alcohol and people are saying he's just a fucking pest some people would have got a lot from it but I think it's much better for people to have conversations in their own epiphanies and learn from your story you hear your experience and they go maybe I should give up drinking that's way more empowering because it's something they've decided to do and a choice they've made for themselves someone tells you to do that I remember my dad came into my room once when I was young kid and he went and I was actually starting to tidy my room up and he came up and he went tidy your fucking room and the moment he did that I went I'm not gonna tidy my fucking room anymore I don't have to do anyway and I'm gonna be like fuck you, don't tell me what to do so it's much more important to empower people to allow them to make that choice for themselves because then they feel like it's something good that they've chosen to do but yeah preach, I mean we learn those things but preaching is still good because you're still educating and there will be still some people that need to hear that on that day so it's a good start but yeah I help people for free I got amazing results that's what I was really burned away by good at it obviously got a lot of experience in it and coupled that with traditional tools techniques, models and frameworks that have been around in the coaching industry for decades and started using these models and things that I'd learn and stuff like that but I just got it because I'd been there people would share their stories and I'd be like ah yeah I remember that one and let me share something with you that I had experienced and also because I had such a damaged background that's probably not the right way of doing it but in the background people felt very safe around me that they wouldn't be judged because they thought fuck it now this guy's not going to judge me because I've done nothing about what he's done so it allowed people to open up to me in a way that they'd never been able to open up to people before and that was really helpful and I was the I started doing some local networking meetings in Portsmouth and I met up with about four people and I had a coffee and you know one of them was like an Excel spreadsheet woman and one of them was something else and I thought I'm never going to make any money here and I started doing Facebook groups and the online social media stuff and this was before it was really a thing you know I started doing my coaching sessions on Facebook video call before Zoom was even a thing and I grew a six figure business quick seven months took and then I moved into sort of digital products courses, membership sites hiring team members and just reinvesting everything like everything I earned I put back in I took modest amounts of money I lived a good life but I never took big chunks of businesses or cars I'd travelled, Bali yeah lived off enough money to live but just put everything into reinvesting into staff and technology and to make the business bigger and better and yeah we've been five years it was about 25 million dollars It's unbelievable, fair play I know you've done a few interviews and people are giving you shit and stick but I have nothing but respect for you for making those changes for who you are I don't know if your story is a hundred percent I don't know but I can only judge from who sits across from me I don't pass judgment on their story but I can make an assumption of you know what you guys fucking made these mistakes he's learnt from me because I know what it's like to make change it's the strongest people on the planet to then put their hands up and go I need help that's the strongest form for me on this planet it's not sitting on a pub or sitting taking gear I write negative comments that's a weak link that's somebody who's battling themself and lost instead of going you know what somebody else's story just why do you need to write a negative comment you can watch something and go you can say I don't like that guy I don't like that but it's the vileness that comes from people when you think how broken are you yeah it's their own limit and beliefs it's their own insecurities people have criticised me for exploiting people just because I've been successful in business they'll have a moment at me when I'm a criminal and I'll have a moment at me when I'm successful you can't win against certain people they say they think I'm exploiting people because I've made a lot of money but what they don't realise is a lot of that's in asset value it's in the company it's in the business that's helping change the world it's not my fucking bank you know that stacks and stacks of cash it's sort of like I'm living in the fucking mansion or whatever and I give back to charity you know I can't put in a documentary all this stuff about all the charitable work I'm doing because it's just going to look like you know people have already criticised it for being a promotional piece I don't quite know why I would put myself as a psychopath and put you know people calling me a cult leader in there as a promotional piece but there is elements obviously that highlight some of the good that I'm doing but I do lots of charity stuff it's actually a compulsory part of our organisation that every single person that works for us has to do charity work every month because I feel like we should give back like there's an element of I don't want to be perceived as that person and I know you know I'm just I'm just roofily honest I know that I have to balance it out if I'm going to make money I also need to give back because it needs to we have to be a business that has balance but also we can give back so why shouldn't we our mission is about our tagline is coach your way to freedom to be able to think, say or do whatever you want without hindrance or restraint to be able to build a business where you can work from wherever you want create freedom for people in the coaching but also outside and we've done some amazing work if you go to our website and people don't look at this stuff but if you go to our website go to about this whole section of charity and there's dozens of videos of charities we've done all over the world from tree planting to orphanages to things like that yesterday I was in HMP the Mount Prison I was doing a talk to the prisoners to help them create a life of freedom after they released that was a prison that I was released from eight years ago I've been a lot of good in the world and I've helped change I mean I spoke about the documentary but I've qualified now eight thousand coaches so they are now qualified and accredited coaches that then start their own business that then will then have thousands of clients over their lifetime and the people that they coach will then be in a better place better energy less toxic to be able to support the people around them and then their generations as well so the ripple effect is fucking unbelievable when you think about millions tabloids, media talk TV, fucking news bollocks they look at all the negatives and they go how can we drag that out the guy that interviewed me and started saying all that stuff and hadn't even watched the documentary I mean how can you criticize someone if you don't even know who you're talking to and what it's about there's always going to be a bit of hate and there'll be more to come I just mean you're doing something right yeah I don't fucking deserve a better abuse Peter Fay was fucking nonsense but it's a bit different so you've bought out a business 25 million what is the business, how can people get involved what does it actually do if people wanted live coaching, what's the steps and process how much is that yeah so the main thing we do now is we help we look to how we make the biggest impact and we could have done that one to one with coaching but there's only so much you can do with your time plus we'd rather create an army of coaches that go out and help other people so what we do is we train coaches so we are accredited by the ICF and we are the training providers that provide people with the tools, the techniques the models and the frameworks to be able to actually coach other people so if you want to become a live coach it doesn't have to be a live coach, be a confidence coach mindset coach, business coach whatever you come to us and we give you all the training you need to be able to do that it starts off from $9.99 a month on a membership and then it progresses to more live and advanced courses things with workshop facilitators virtual reality and all that sort of stuff as an upgrade but you can get started from $9.99 and that's why when people say I'm exploiting people I think it's eight pound a month and this is even a 14 day money back guarantee you know how can that be exploiting people it's like try it out for eight quick if you don't like it cancel it I'm not forcing you to give me your life savings your life savings, your wages taking everything off and loving this what sort of stuff are you promoting though is it for people who are struggling or for people who are actually, what is that? we attract people that have had, this is another thing that we are um targeting vulnerable people and this was in the documentary for a start it's impossible to do that I don't know if you personally know anything about advertising on social media, you cannot target vulnerable people you can't even target certain demographics or income brackets or marriage you used to be able to do things like that you can't do anymore you can't even say certain things you can't target specific people there's no way in how you could say can you target people that have recently had someone die in there it's just, can't do it but we do attract quite a lot of you could perceive them as a vulnerable people if you perceive them as a vulnerable person I see them as someone who has been through some trauma in their life and who am I to say no no no, you can't come in, you can't be a coach because you've had bad stuff happen in your life and you could be deemed vulnerable I was vulnerable but I've been able to turn into a power to talk all the time about turning adversity into an asset and these people have had adversity in their life and yes, some of them have had bereavement some people have had trauma, some people have been sexually abused and that is the very reason why they want to become a life coach because they've got through it and they're now passionate about sharing that message and there are a lot of people that come to us to become a life coach that doesn't mean to say we're going hey, who's been sexually abused alright, okay, gives you a credit card you know, it's a case that they've heard my story they've resonated and connected with it and they're like this is something that I want to do and some of those people do have those symptoms but I don't personally think that's vulnerable and I think that's rude to call those people vulnerable they have their own will, they have their own ability to make decisions and it's no different from them going to get into a degree and spending 40 grand on a piece of paper where they might get a job at the end of it at 30 grand a year ours is quicker, more effective and more effective in today's market so if anything we want to be looking at centralized education and government for the people that are to point the blame at for targeting vulnerable people using the messaging of you can change your life by going to this university and spending four years on a degree and getting 100 grand in debt for a job you probably won't get or the people that are advertising the Royal Navy you can't change your life in the Royal Navy they don't mention about the fact that you might get killed so PTSD what makes a good life coach? someone that understands and that's going to be interesting coming from me someone that says they've got shallow emotions because you can be on different ends of the spectrum some people can feel more and they're more intuitive and they can more get a sense of where someone's at some people can literally break people's brain apart from the language they're giving and the stories they're sharing they can draw conclusions and ask the right questions they're the only that leads them into a part of their brain that they haven't accessed before that's kind of the approach that I would take but to summarize understanding people well if you understand people well and you understand what they're going through whether that's from personal lived experience or that's from education or that's using the right tools and techniques you don't have to have gone to prison gone through trauma to be a life coach you can learn these tools and models to be able to extract the potential from an individual there's this big misconception in the life coaching industry that a coach is a mentor is someone that gives advice that's helpful and that can be an angle that you use from time to time but actually a coach is someone that asks challenging and thought provoking questions that allows the client to uncover the answer for themselves a little bit like what I was talking about earlier with the empowerment piece we want to empower people to ask them questions and then go I know what I need to do or I know what I want to do or I know how to get over this so understanding people fully and knowing what questions to ask at the right time to allow the client to uncover the answers themselves and get results how did the Netflix documentary come about a combination of things really there was lots of people involved from the production to directing to writing to filming I'm obviously very entrepreneurial I was the one that wanted that to happen so of course I had an influence in trying to pull that together and speak to the right people and make sure that happened it wasn't like Netflix said hey we want to do a documentary on you let's commission it, let's give you a load of money I had an influence this is my story I've got a message to share but yeah it was just a piece of content that I wanted to get made I was impartial to it it was edited out of my control I didn't know what questions were asked on the interviews obviously I said what I wanted to say I did have an involvement in some of the edits but I wanted it balanced I wanted it to be fair I wanted it to be true raw and authentic and if the producers wanted me to have a certain thing in there even if it wasn't favourable I was like cool do what you think because yeah I want people to make their own opinion up on me I don't want to create a narrative where it's like this is me because no one wants to watch that shit anyway it needs to be a bit gritty but I wanted it to be balanced enough where people can make a decision and not give enough information away to the point where I give people answers we're living in an age right now where people are starting to understand themselves more than ever and come out about themselves whether it's fact they're gay or bi or whether the fact that it's they're understanding more about their mind that they're ADHD or dyslexia and convergence and neurodiversity is a big thing and you know psychopathy for example or at least personality disorders is something that she's not spoken about and can you imagine if people could speak about it get awareness around it and go fuck that's what I've been living with and be able to channel that out of destructive behaviours and maybe get out of prison for example and start channeling it into something that might help them thrive and help make society a better place so I wanted to spark a conversation around that and by giving the answers too heavily it wouldn't have sparked a conversation but I'm hoping people start talking out more about is Louis a psycho, was he a psycho has he learned to channel that psycho behaviour am I a psycho is psycho even a bad thing because it's probably one of the only mental disorders that's not spoken about and doesn't have this kind of woke mentality about it I mean you can call someone a psycho all day long even that guy in the interview he said I'd rather do that than take advice from a psychopath imagine if I said I'd rather do that than take advice from someone with bipolar he'd be cancelled like that wouldn't he what's the difference so yeah I had an involvement and um but there was a big team on it you know how's it been for the career is it positive or a negative I mean it's only new that was fun and then launched on Netflix went into top 10 so amazing it was 8, it beat the Grinch no it was 7th I think 7th for 8th, beat the Grinch happy about that, fuck you Jim Carrey I'm joking only because it's November to be fair if it was December I'd have had a chance of beating the Grinch but top 10 so I was amazed by that thousands of messages all positive people saying that it's like the first time they've ever related to someone before you know so proud of me being able to share the vulnerabilities, similar stories you know you would get the exact same thing but people don't talk out about this enough and I think they were quite surprised about how honest I was and it gave them the hope that they can be honest about what's going on for them because a lot of people hold it in shame and obviously that doesn't help anybody and it's been good, yeah it's brought in customers brilliant, it's brought in some publicity brilliant, it's brought in some negative publicity so what, also brilliant and I think this is just the start now so I'm looking forward to seeing what comes from it and keep sharing that message and inspiring people and hopefully changing the perspective of people's identity which is ultimately what this comes down to it's how they see themselves I saw myself as a bad unlovable kid and eventually a psychopath if you think that you're going to act like that and you're going to be that and the reality is I'm not bad I'm lovable and it might be a bit of a psycho but it's not always the worst thing How has it been a father with a newborn did you have all the old negative traits because did you have a worry that you could have potentially been the same as your own dad no disrespect to your dad but you know what I'm talking about I didn't have, no I never thought I would be like my dad because I would make a conscious effort to do the complete opposite I had a bit of a fear that I wouldn't bond, connect as much as I wanted to and I was really desperate to cry when the baby was born because I thought if I don't then I'm really fucked so if I don't cry when my baby's born then I really am a psycho and I cried I think it was also because we lost a baby as well at 26 weeks and it was past the stage of abortion we had to give birth to the baby we gave birth to a stillborn, had a funeral for her and everything so I was waiting for that scream and I've been watching the midwife programs and everything I was waiting for that scream I just wanted the baby to come out and scream and the baby and as soon as Ocean as soon as he came out literally within fraction of a second so emotion release I'm not a full psycho and also just relief and it was an amazing feeling I'll be honest it was a challenge at first but it was quite overwhelming I don't know why just I guess it's probably quite normal having a child I probably didn't bond as quickly as maybe some definitely compared to my wife who's an empath who's just obsessed with him whereas I'm probably not quite but I feel I can feel that love and that bond growing day by day which is lovely to see so I think it's a journey he's only 10 weeks old that's the last question plans for the future well as I said in the documentary I want to be a Hollywood actor but that's not that was a bit more of a superficial sort of joke well it's not a joke I'm going to do that but one of my next plans is to create a next generation education platform I've helped coaches but that's just a piece of the puzzle I'm creating a platform sort of in the works to create a blended learning platform for both children and families where they can learn and co-learn together because there's no point teaching a child something if it's not being enforced at home and there's no point teaching an adult something if they don't know how to communicate it to their children so it can be this one platform everything that the education system is not providing it's not going to have massive English and stuff in there but it's going to be alternative learning for families that want to thrive in their 21st century so moving out not out of the coaching industry I'm going to continue building my brand and doing all those sorts of things but I want to create a bigger impact the education industry has built off the industrial revolution a hundred years ago and it's just archaic outdated it doesn't work and it's a 1.5 trillion dollar industry so the business minister inside me is like there's a problem there wanting to be solved and I've got a long career ahead of me so I want to see if I can tackle it for anybody that's watching it's maybe an ally for struggle just now doesn't know how to get out what's your hand for them have hope I think that's the biggest thing people seem to think that there is no way out and it takes podcasts like this to inspire people and realize that the change is possible if there's no belief that there is a way out then it's just that you're going to feel like you're in this dark hole and there's nothing you can do about it understand that there is there's lots of resources available if there's addiction, there's drugs and alcohol meetings if there's anything else there's lots of free services there's books and as long as you actually do absorb that information and implement it in your life which is obviously key it doesn't take long before your map of the world is changing so I just say do the work as uncomfortable as it is take action and come and join the coaching masters how can people get in contact with you if they want to check out and ask you questions what's your social medias so Louis, Raymond, Taylor just because there's three first names, a bit weird so Louis, Raymond, Taylor and all platforms are mainly active on Instagram I answer my messages on there as well so if anyone's got any message drop me on Instagram and you can check out thecoachermasters at thecoachermaster.com that's it just being a pleasure to have a just a general chit chat and not be grilled and thank you for being positive and inspiring and not being one of these click baity kind of media controversial prodders that's caused drama mate I appreciate it's been a really enjoyable conversation listen fair play you mate I wish you nothing but the best for the future good luck to you the missies and the baby and I look forward to seeing what you do brother thanks mate, cheers