 Come here, come here, come here, come here. Yeah, my boogie boy. I have a lot to do this morning, so I better get going. So you see my weight is 166 and it should be by now like 164, 163. So I'm like three weeks behind because that's how much I weighed three weeks ago. So in my mind, that's why I feel so much pressure is because I know I have to really, really catch up to that and like put it in the work. And that's why I'm doing cardio two times a day. But yeah, okay, let me go for a walk and go outside. Let's go. Come on. Come on, baby. Time to go for a walk. Make a boy. Give me a good boy, huh? Yeah, glasses on. Check, check. You ready, bobs? Let's get you. Dang it, this is hard with one hand. There we go. OK, come on, let's go, buddy. Oh, where's the couple? Oh, where's the couple? Yeah, there's the couple. Oh, I'm gonna get your leg all caught up. Oh, my God, stop moving. This way. My arm is getting tired of these cameras. Fucking heavy. Can you sit, buddy? Can you sit? Sit. Oh, boy. No, that's where I'm at. Oh, that's too heavy. Make a boy. You're so precious. Hey. A more beautiful poo has never been caught on camera. I shall clean it up now. Thank you. Oh, buddy. Come on, let's get a treat. Let's get a treat, buddy. Let's get a treat, buddy. Let's go. Let's go, boy. Yass, greenies. Yass, greenies. Come on, buddy. He's waiting until I say it's OK. Yuki, OK. Good boy. OK, now I have to hurry and get ready and run over to AHF where I'll be meeting my agent and then having my bi-weekly marketing meeting. OK, so I'm headed to a healthcare foundation just right on Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood. Meet my agent in a lobby and then we'll head up. Hopefully I have time to get some coffee, because I'm tired. Usually I do my gym in the morning. This morning I obviously didn't have time with just I was doing a lot on social media and trying to post up about the Loveline radio show interview that I'm doing tonight and catching up on stuff and Duke and whatnot, which just time is up the way. So, yeah. Coffee, please, please, OK. Guys, I'm looking at the road. Don't worry. Oh, I'm such an idiot. Puppy. I need a GoPro to mount on my dash or something other than me carrying this heavy ass thing in front of my face. Soups, ox. Super awkward. Yes, Hollywood. Yes, Amoeba. Yes, Arclight. We doing it. That big tall building right there. That's where A.H.F. is at. OK, thank you. You got it. OK, parked at the Palladium, and then I'm going to walk across the street. So I am here about 15 minutes early, so I'm going to go grab a quick iced coffee, wait till my agent gets here, and then we'll go up. Wee. Get a medium black iced coffee. Yeah, what's that? Medium? Yeah, it's all good. There she is. How are you? Good, how are you? Just kidding, I'm a little vlogged. I'm challenging myself to do a vlog every day until my competition. Are you really? Yeah. Look at you. I'm working on it. You look amazing. Thank you. I'm getting there. So I just parked on the street. You did? Yeah. Oh, OK. Is it like a meter or something? Yeah, it was two hours. OK. I just drove right by, so I thought this is better. OK. I'm glad you guys finally are going to meet. I know, me too. How are you? How are you? Good to see you. Kevin. Kevin, oh my goodness. Nice to meet you. Finally, I'm so happy to put faces with names. Yeah. So we're going to be in this big conference room. OK, you guys settle in now. Hi. I'm right here. Sorry. Yeah. How are you? I'm OK. It's even better from the conference room. Yeah, yeah. Wow. You liked it. Yeah. So my agency is just a couple blocks away. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, Erin. Thank you. No worries. Yeah, this is a conference room. Where should we end? It's very big. OK. It's very big. OK. Hi. Hi. The first step on our agenda is we're doing an out-of-the-closet Halloween costume contest. So we're going to have great shoot a video that's basically like we're going to go into the out-of-the-closet, the thrift stores. It's right down the street, yeah. We're going to pick out stuff for Halloween costumes and try and make a little promo video for the contest out of it. The contest starts on October 1st. Mikayla has been booking three, four, well, five in cleaning rooms. Let's go. Drag queen influencers to host the actual event. So I think the LA event, it's looking like it's going to be on October 27th, Saturday and Sunday, like during the afternoon. So the queens, we're getting four for LA. They're all on Drag Race. Yeah. And they're going to host a drag runway or like a Halloween costume runway competition. They're going to be in drag, obviously. Cool. And it'll be like just like a three-hour event. Whoever wins the contest, wins like closet cash, like OTC gift cards. We can do it at the WeHo stores, usually. Oh yeah, we can go to WeHo. Yeah, that's fine. And it's Thursday, right? Yeah. Thursday? Yeah. Sorry, did I say tomorrow? Yeah, that was like... What's Thursday? Okay, they're all mixed up. That's more formal. Race is going to come and we're going to do the shoot. Oh, okay. Did I invite you to that? Yeah. Yeah, I'm in an hour. Shoot, yeah, okay. The prize is two tickets to Vegas to see Shania Twain. I'm so proud of our prize. I know. I want to win it. When we picked it out, we were like, we did. Yeah. The seats are really good, too. So they can like concert tickets. They can play in Hollywood. Well, nice. Yeah. And then some like travel. Yeah. So hopefully the contest in and of itself will help get a ton of submissions just because all you have to do is buy like one thing from OTC and hashtag OTC Halloween and you could win it. Yeah. It's not that difficult. What's your competition? The 12th. Okay. So I just yesterday was hashtag a day with HIV Day. It's like a campaign specifically on the 23rd every year. So I posted a picture of that and then talking about my competition and then saying for the next three weeks every day I'm going to vlog out to the competition. And I know you guys want to do like, maybe like coverage the day of and make that interesting. Yeah. Yeah. When is the competition? Saturday, October 12th. So you're going to vlog every day before the competition. And then we also wanted to do the stigma. That's what I worked on in the meantime. Oh, okay. Cool. I'm going to post it today. It was yesterday's vlog. And I just talked about the stigma that I had faced. Oh, okay. Cool. My bummer. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Cool. I noticed a lot of topical stuff does really well too. Yeah. When I was, I was, I happened to be in the BBC News app looking at the headlines and the Gareth Thomas story came out. Oh, the force. Yeah. It was 12 minutes prior. I was at home. I had nothing to do. So I was like, okay, I'm going to start my vlog. I'm going to do a bunch of research, get video clips, information, facts, his biography. And then I just did a vlog and then like did it, edited it and had it posted within like three and a half hours. And so it was like the number one search result on YouTube for like three days. Oh, nice. I got like 10 KPs of like good. Yeah. Wow. And I know even when we post like the John Thurman S post on our Instagram did like the best engagement of any. So you already did this in the video. Like would you want to do it? For myself. Okay. Yeah. But I'm down to like make it a series of like asking like, I have another guy who's an influencer on YouTube. Okay. And he is down to talk about stigma as well. You of course. Yeah. Okay. And I wrote and the just the future projects ideas on the Google Docs. Yeah. I had as an idea heroes of AHF profiling employees. Oh yeah. That would be really cute. Like. Yeah. Something like that with our testers. That would be a great idea. I love it. And in our retreat, we were just telling like talking about telling more stories from like our employees perspective. Yeah. Perfect. Yeah. You read our mind. Okay. Let's for sure do that. So let's do that. Cause it'd be interesting to hear from testers like some of the on the mobile units. Yeah. And just some of the story they hear about like why people were afraid to get tested or like why it took them so long. Like just those types of stories where it was people coming in like. Even Max at events have stories of people who he's like they really didn't want to and then they get it and that's what happened. And most people who like really, really don't want to it's because they had like a feeling that they're positive. And so he even told us a story about someone last year at an event who like really, really didn't want to and like convince them to and then they were positive and like sort of like lost it on Max and then came up to Max this year at the same event. Like gave him a hug and was like thank you so much. Like blah, blah, blah. I know. Yeah. So like those types of stories a lot of these testers. Yeah. Have. Yeah. I just want to observe and see what you guys do because I see the content and I see the posts and everything and it's just so amazing. I'm doing love lines tonight. Oh yeah. It'll be fun. Cool. Wait what is that? It's a, I mean it's an old show that used to be on K-Rock. That talks about like love and sex. But it's a new, it's a new doctor now. Dr. Chris Donahue and it's on Channel Q which is like an LGBTQ plus focused radio station. I've been talking to him for a while about like coming on and talking about HIV advocacy and I saw him at the gym like a week ago. And that was like the perfect time to do it because there's so much to do about it. He's like well I can't just bring people on like I need him in. I need something for my producers to be like this is like topical. And then I, as soon as Jonathan and I, I send him a message over like hey topical. It's not a goal. I was like okay. It's not a goal. What did you say to him when you met him outside the, when you were interviewed you said something that was like two sentences that just like he was just. But he's like, so I was waiting to do my podcast with Jennifer Cullen which is like a big fitness person. And he was finishing up and he came out of the hallway. He was like hey, who are you? I was like oh wait, you're Aussie. And I think we figured out that we both worked out a crunch. And he's like so what do you do? I was like well, I'm like I'm an HIV advocate. And I like use like my journey from my diagnosis from like victim mindset and realizing that that was like the physical manifestation of like my whole thought process that transformed through fitness and like changing myself inside to like really take charge of my life. And he's like wow. He's like I've never heard anybody talk about it like that. Like you need to come on my show. Well, I'm so happy to finally meet you. I know. I was here so much about you. And I see your photos and stuff. It was a pleasure to post this before we know. And I'm like maybe I should wear makeup. Yeah. And I just love what you guys are doing. Oh, thank you. You're really helping so many people. They're the best. Aww. There you go. Well yeah, like you're always welcome when everyone is coming over. Thank you. It really helps because then I have like a good idea because I always hear what you're doing and everything but it's nice to go in and actually see it. Yeah. Super collaborative. Yeah. I love that. And it's funny because I do long term influencer partnerships a lot of them all the time. And it's rare to have somebody like Wave that is almost like, I mean I know he's being paid as an influencer but it's like he's an unpaid employee. You know what I mean? Like he's part of the team. Yeah. Yeah, like everyone on the office knows them. Exactly. And it's like having somebody, you know, really on your team where most influencers are over here and they're posting and they're never in here. Yeah. Like, you know, talking and collaborating and really involved. Yeah. So I love that. Yeah. Yeah. It's good for us. Yeah. And right before the first slash only really influencer we've ever had a partnership with and I recently came on board to do all social and I like this model, this model better than models at any of the other places I've been worth. Yeah. Well it's rare to have this model. And you know, because a lot of the influencers with all due respect, they're not maybe capable of coming in. Yeah. Or invested. Yeah. Yeah. So he's a rare client. Yeah. It's just amazing. A good manager. Yeah. Yeah. Sounds good. Yeah. Thanks for coming in. Well, thank you for having me. Yeah. I just finished making some beef ass. I'm going to eat this really quick and then head to the gym. There was one of like a professional but I just want to make sure it. HIV advocate influencer. Okay. Yeah. Just generic. So I'm just going to set you in the green room. Okay. And then we'll bring you in around like 7.15. Awesome. All right. Yeah. Just make yourself comfortable. There's some waters. Sweet. Just make sure there are. Yeah. There's a water and a beer if you want it. Hello. That's cute. You sure? Yeah. Just move your chair so that you're like, the chair is like closer to that. And then your volume I think is that slide. Yeah. This one? Yeah. Okay. Perfect. All right. Get 20 seconds. Y'all ready? There are tissues. Tissues are gross to me. There we go. I know why. I just think tissues are dirty. All right. We're back. Our question of the night is up on our Love Land IG page. We'll be breaking that on down later in the show. And also talking about love languages. That's one of those things that people sling around. We're going to be talking about the importance of them, the meaning of them, but also some of the flaws. But more importantly, we're with Raif Darazi, HIV advocate and influencer. What's going on? Thanks for having me. Yeah. Your chair is so much higher than mine. On the side, just out of a weird height panic. That's okay. Take the height. Thank you, sir. Thank you, sir. So what's interesting is a couple of days ago, Jonathan Fandas from Queer Eye, those that aren't familiar with him, came out as HIV positive. And it's had like a ripple effect. Totally. So talk to me just a little bit for the people that aren't familiar with your work, how you yourself got into HIV advocacy. So for me, it was about, I was diagnosed with AIDS back in 2012. So that was on my 27th birthday. And part of that year after was about me, like figuring out like my place in life, what am I going to do? Am I going to be healthy? What's going on? And I was like looking for role models and examples in the media and on YouTube especially. And I just wasn't seeing anything or anyone. And I was like, well, that sucks. But if there's nothing there already, then maybe like I can be that for somebody else. And that's kind of what spurred me on to start talking about it, or at least think about it at that time. Because it took me a while. It's powerful because that's the part I actually pulled out from your bio that I thought was most interesting is the lack of role models. Because when I read that, I started thinking my mind. And I was thinking, I can't think of anyone either as well. Maybe it had been noted that someone was positive or diagnosed, but it wasn't something that they necessarily led with or tried to advocate for. The reference that I would get so often was like, oh, Magic Johnson. And I'm like, bro, that's like 30 years ago. Like where's everybody in between? You know what I mean? And he's not relatable to everyone. No. He's like Charlie Sheen. I'm like, okay. Oh, that's right too. But he's also not very relatable to everyone as well. Right. But it's interesting that there's no one from LGBTQ community that was kind of... Like R-age. Yeah. You know, vibrant, living well. R-age. I like that. So what are your thoughts about Jonathan Vaness coming out? You then see that as a positive move. Yeah, I think it's freaking awesome. You know, I didn't know a lot about him necessarily before him coming out. I just knew he was on the show. I didn't know that. And I just know that he has a really charming personality and like people love him. And he has like good vibes. So for me, that's like, yes, we need more of that. Like people who look healthy and happy and vibrant. Thriving. Exactly. Thriving. Someone who's still moving forward in the life in all the ways they wanted to not roll back by me. It's not a hindrance. Yeah. I was surprised to see it happen. And I don't know what I mean by that other than I guess I recognize that for some people that are in positions in their career that have something to lose, I can imagine that there's got to be a moment of sitting with, am I ready to take on whatever impact this could have if there's a negative one? Yeah. And I know that he had been wrestling with that for a while. Okay. That's what I read in his bio. And interestingly, in the past week, another person came out, Gareth Thomas with HIV. He was like an ex-pro rugby player in Britain. I know this. Yeah. Yeah. It was like back to back. And I thought that, wow, that's like, I don't know if this is necessarily a tipping point or a critical mass, but definitely it's interesting to see like high-profile people coming out. I like to see, you know, I do tend to try to forecast where we're moving in terms of like sex relationships and gender. Those are kind of like, and also things within sexual health. And I do see us thankfully moving towards more honesty, authenticity, and more like kind of accommodation for that stuff. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm glad for that because one of the things that comes in, and a couple weeks ago, I had Janelle on and she runs the ST, what used to be called the STD project. It's now the STI project. But she was diagnosed with herpes 20 years ago and she was talking about her own journey. And I was just saying to her that it's really great to see in the past couple years more people coming forward and trying to put together resources but also advocacy for these things. Because in my practice, that's one of the things that a lot of people come in struggling with is they get a diagnosis for something that's not curable. And then they say, what's my life going to look like now, especially in terms of dating? Yeah. And I think there is a good amount of education out there for sure. There's a lot of facts. There's a lot of numbers. But as far as seeing a person living out their life, I think that adds such a psychological benefit for a lot of people. Yeah. And if they look on your IG, you're definitely living your life. In the gym, mostly. No, but again, going back to what you said about Jonathan being bubbly is there's a lot... I mean, that's one of the things. So going through your images, I just try to get a felt sense of someone. And there's definitely a lot of happiness and celebration. I think that's powerful. I feel like I have, just intrinsically, a pretty optimistic outlook on life. Okay. Where's that come from? You know, I don't know. I can say that I grew up and I had a lot of hardships early on. And that taught me to really value and appreciate life. And that kind of built an inherent strength in me. And kind of having a sense of gratitude has given me a good perspective. Gratitude is a powerful thing. So we're talking tonight with Raif Derrazi, HIV advocate about HIV and dating in the world. So weighing on this, we're going to take a little break. When we come back, I want to really dive deep into the whole dating process that's reoriented your life. But you said when you got the diagnosis, you took on the role of, I'm going to be an advocate for that. Where does that confidence come from? Because that's a big thing to step into. To not just own it and celebrate it, but to publicize it. I've always had someone of a rebellious, strong spirit growing up as a kid. And I think that's just with practice and habitual. Well done. Yeah. I like a good rebel every now and then. All right. Coming up next, we're going to talk more about sex and dating with HIV diagnosis. But questions about to Chris on the new Channel Q and Radio.com. Where do you live? How close are you running? Oh shit. 13 minutes. You like living up there? Yeah. I just went very a month ago actually. Oh shit. I'm moving this weekend. I live, I guess coming here running, but it's a long stupid horrible story. I love my place. I've been there for five years, but the entire condo building is having all the pipes redone, which means like, they're just demolishing almost everything for five months. And it's going to be unlivable. So last Friday, I just went around looking for a new place and I found a place I'm moving this weekend. And I'm like, my head's spinning because it's the fastest thing I've ever pulled together. Yeah. Where's that? It's far better inside because I've driven by when it first went up and I was like, that fucking eyesore, but I ran into the Dylan, which is right near target on LeBraya and Santa Monica. Then you're going to be closer to him now. No. Just north of Target? Yeah. Like it looks really like, that yellow eyesore that I drove by. I was like, it's actually very nice inside. Yeah. It's nice. It actually wanted being a gift because I was looking around some of the newer condos and some of them are so expensive. It's obscene and they're not large. Yeah. And they're wanting like 5K or more and they're like, are you kidding me? It's nuts. And I have a really big place. I have a lot of shit. So that, anyway, so that's working out but it's been like a wild week because I've never been asked for so many things in my life. They want like a photo of my cat. They want like a photo. They want a vet note. Is all you have is a cat? Yeah. And they also, it's $45 a month. This cat has too much maintenance we can't. $45 a month. Not a deposit. A deposit and $45 a month to have. Right. Yeah. Mine would have been the same thing but I have like emotional support. See, I didn't think that. But you should get it. You can still do it anytime. I give people those notes. I can write myself. I literally, though they asked me quickly and I wasn't, I wasn't thinking. I didn't realize they were like inputting it into a thing. But as I was answering, he's like typing it in. I was like, oh, that just got formalized. Yeah. Later. Oh. You can take it out. Anytime. Yeah. I couldn't believe it though. You need, you need that. You need your cat though. Otherwise, I don't know where you'd be. Tom, this would be your mental illness. My role is that would you go with this? See, I don't know what balanced. Yeah. That's pretty cool. Yeah. This is the first time I'm living on my own in an apartment. Oh, congrats. It's a big deal. The freedom and the creativity are just like, oh my God. You're going to love it. It's amazing. There's moments where you might miss having another human being around but like, you'll love it. Yeah. Okay. It's so rad. I've lived on for a long time unless like, I mean like, I shouldn't say that. A year and a half ago, I was engaged in living in someone. So I don't know what I'm saying. I encourage it. My creativity is just. Yeah. No. There's just an email went around about, Emi, what was it? Dress code. Oh yeah. Like, what's the dress code? Wait, what? Yeah. They sent around an interview. No, better not. But I mean. They just said, don't be like too revealing. Like, don't wear short shorts or like. Yeah, apparently someone's rocking out some of the booty shorts and upsetting people. They probably, that's bad. I know. Your shorts were so short that when I'm like, you forgot pants or just wear your shirt. Because the T-shirt was like, I purposely would do that. I just purposely just come and like, I have long shirts. My shorts are relatively short that it would look like. Short shorts. Yeah. Yeah. Get with the times. Yeah. No, right. Come on. We're sex positives. You got 20 seconds. We're not worried about the record button and then hit it again just to restart it. Covered up human, like, ever. It's on the right. It's not on the back, right? Yeah. This thing, right? Yeah. My God, this song is so such a downer. I know. What the heck? Okay. Ready? All right, we're back. We got our question of the night up on our Love Line IG page and later in the show we're going to be doing a little freak on the streets answering your Q&A but more importantly right now we're with Raif Darazi, HIV advocate and influencer. So, we're kind of talking about a whole bunch of stuff but let's jump into the important stuff. Okay, let's do it. So, upon getting your diagnosis when or how quickly did your mind go to boop dating? Oof. I mean, instantly I was like well, there goes that. That's over. Or, you know, I even considered for a while going to only HIV positive dating sites. Stuff like that. It took me about six, nine months to really feel ready to start dating again. And then at that point I was like, let's not limit myself to HIV. What was the turning point? What do you think was that which propelled you the most? So, interestingly, shortly after my diagnosis I ended up breaking my ankle and I was bedridden for like five months and I was like, okay, I need to do some serious inner work. Like something's not working. The universe is like chill. Yeah. Make some changes. Sit down and work. So, I did everything I could think of like the secret I did on like motivation, inspirational books, dream, dream boards, vision boards, journaling every day, gratitude journal, like everything because I'm like, I gotta change something inside, clearly. And so after about like nine months that's when I was like, okay, I'm starting to feel like I've got my stride a little bit and I can go out and explore. And how was that? I'm sure that journey was a mixed bag in some ways. Because people can be horrible. For sure. And I was definitely, I was ready. I was expecting to get a lot of negative reactions. I definitely didn't put on my profile that I was HIV positive because people are so quick to just like swipe or just go into the next person. And it's like, if you give them one reason to like not even consider you, then bye-bye. Smallest infraction. Disregarded. Yeah. And then I saw it as an opportunity to educate if people would give me the time to at least have a conversation. But a lot of times I would wait until the first in-person date before I brought it up. And to be honest, I think this might be a part of just living in West Hollywood in LA is that I would bring up my HIV status and sometimes they would be hesitant or they would be put off. But then I would educate them a little bit and then usually more often than not, they'd be open to it. Okay. So let's talk about that for a second because I love your willingness. I also recognize the exhaustion that can come from the emotional labor of educating people because I take that on where I'll be on a date and they'll say something. I'm like, well, that was a racist joke and that's not okay. That was actually very body-shaming and that's actually offensive people of larger bodies. That sort of was sex negative. And this is the reason why we don't want to say that. And so I realized I had to and did you ever those moments where like, oh my God, can people just do their own education and be better? Hurry up. I had those moments for you. I'm pretty patient when it comes to that and I'm pretty empathetic to other people. So I never really like held it against another person for not knowing better. Because those apps can be nasty. I mean, again, as someone, myself, that too, those apps can be nasty as well. But the apps, the dating apps, you know, as someone who has a lot of different overtly nasty people can be. What they're not even willing to try to encounter. Yeah. They just wipe out entire populations of people based on these like little qualifiers. I think mentally I disconnect like what they're actually saying to me or two people and just who they are as a person and what they're going through and their happiness level and their like ability to enjoy life and I know that that like when someone's that angry and that hateful like that's a you issue. That's right. I don't take that on. Yeah because you're the question the understanding that's gonna show up in various other areas of their life and you don't want to count right. So what advice do you give to people because one thing that comes up a lot on my show when I travel and lecture in my offices someone says to me how soon into the dating process or the courtship process should I feel the need to disclose any kind of like you know STD STI. I mean that you're opening a big can of forums with that question. I just came from the United States Conference on AIDS and we were in a workshop where we were actually talking about disclosure and as it relates to being undetectable and so a lot of people feel now that when you're undetectable you shouldn't have any obligation to disclose it all because you cannot transmit the virus as well. As in there's nothing to disclose. I feel it's definitely just relative to every situation every person like I couldn't give a hard-fast rule on that. Yeah another friend of mine that's an HIV advocate he's in the East Coast in New York he skews more along the side of what you were just saying where he doesn't feel the need or let me say like this he would say I no longer will take on responsibility of being accountable to other people sexual health and wellness so they need to ask me the questions they need to ask I don't any longer feel the need to volunteer and also because he's undetectable his position is I'm not responsible because there's nothing to transmit but I also worked with people on the other side where a diagnosis being disclosed to them down the road although they understood they also said it it shook my ability to trust Olympics I still felt like something was being withheld. I totally understand and I'm actually personally I'm actually of the viewpoint that I want to disclose it as early as possible too because I do feel a sense of responsibility to for advocacy and just awareness visibility I think that helps reduce the stigma but I get that especially because when you're disclosing it's like you don't necessarily know if you're gonna be dating this person in a month from now yes it's just a hookup or you can trust this person or if you're private about it they have information that they can use how ever they want with whoever they want you have no control over that and I completely support that concept and that's one things I say to people as well just be open to the idea that you don't know where they're gonna go with this information and if you're out there heavily dating or you're a bit you know a big participant in hookup culture you were put you know possibly sending a lot of people out in the world in smaller towns where everybody knows everybody that's it's not fair there's a risk that so also I want to talk about the concept of like secondary disclosure the idea where you know you let people know and then the question or how often is the question I guess I should ask how did that come to be wait what do you mean where people often will want to know well how did you become positive oh okay yeah so like for me it's a little ambiguous because it potentially could have been having protection with sex with another man or it could have been from the relationship that I was in for three and a half years at a time which I thought was monogamous committed but then later on found he was cheating and he had AIDS as well at that time so I don't really know personally but what do you think of the value of that question I think it's it's almost like fishing for like how did you get it is like do I judge you with stigma as someone who's like going out and howling it out like did you deserve it exactly did you ask for yeah it's very victim blaming yeah we're not even victim blaming it's just like you said very much entering the conversation already loaded yeah it's like if you find out that the person was born with you're like oh like my heart goes out to you so much compassion but it's like if they knew that you were just having sex casually as you saw fit then it's a different reaction yeah that kind of stuff breaks my heart yeah yeah it's interesting though this topic brings up a lot for people uh Rafe so where can people find you they can find me on Instagram my name Rafe Derrazy R-A-I-F-D-E-R-R-A-Z-I it's actually the same on all platforms YouTube I do a lot of vlogging on YouTube and then I just started on Twitter awesome yeah well listen thanks for being on show and also thanks for the work you do because people like you are a beautiful resource for me to send patients that I work with to kind of get a little bit more empowerment so awesome yeah thanks so much for having me all right come up next we'll be sliding into the DMs and them talking about love languages we'll sing a love line with dr. Chris on the new channel Q and radio dot com yeah the second year's closure thing is so fascinating yeah it's like yeah wow that's the wave right there very cool this little nook is k-rock you guys are all here that's awesome we walked past it earlier but it's like a little corner and then amp radio is on my hand so it's like our all of fame very cool all these little boosters are from songspaces that we have we have it in house that you know they're building out their one in this building as we all move recently into this building yeah so they're continuing it over just like going on redone so we got random places throughout the city super cool do you want to have pictures in front of anything in there we'll have it all nah just for the vlog do you want to see anything else I mean there's not too much else to see there's just like this is like our lobby it's just a bunch of like promotion stuff it's like a bunch of cuba goals oh this is a cool wall here some desks love it thank you yeah of course the rest is boring offices thank you so much thank you for taking it I'll email you the link to my podcast okay you too guys it's so fun that's very cool I could I could have stayed for another hour and just talk made up next time one of these days