 The Cavalcade of America, sponsored by the DuPont Company, maker of better things for better living through chemistry. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. This is The Cavalcade of America, sponsored by DuPont. Tonight, we present a comedy melodrama, The Cook on the PT Boat Writes Home. William Bendix is our star, and our play is written by Frank Gabrielsen. All characters and code signals used in tonight's play are fictitious. DuPont presents The Cavalcade of America with William Bendix as Joe Caldwell in The Cook on the PT Boat Writes Home. Nick's diner at Main and Front Streets, January 1942. Hiya, Glamorous. Good evening, Don. What are you going to have? One hamburger special, gorgeous, and a cup of that mud pack you sell for coffee. One special, draw one. And look, Glamorous, tell Joe I want it rare. Tiger meat, Nick. Nick, where's Joe? Isn't he working today? Well, Joe ain't here no more. Nick's doing the cooking. Joe's going in the Navy tomorrow. The Navy? What's the idea? The Navy, that's terrible. How is it so terrible about that? He's going to fight for his uncle Sam. That's terrible? Oh, well, I didn't mean that, Nick. Only Joe's as well as cooking this town. What's the matter with you, Sander? Shouldn't the Navy eat good like you, eh? Why, sure, Nick, sure. You got me wrong. Swell, he's enlisting. I wish I was young enough to myself, see? How do you want your hamburger, rare? Yeah, yeah, only not too rare. Oh, if only Joe was here. He'd get some perfect. You want him to spend his last night here, so you got hamburgs, eh? You think Joe Caldwell's nuts to spend his last night home over the hot stove? That's the prettiest sound in the world, Sally. What is, Joe? A steak, brother. We need about two minutes more on that. There, broccoli's done. Say, where's your mother keep with paprika, Sally? I want her for the baked potatoes. I'll get it, Joe. Sure was nice of you to ask me for dinner tonight, honey. It's nothing at all, Joe. No trouble. Here's the paprika. Thanks. This is my idea of heaven, messing around the kitchen with you. Oh, Joe. What's the matter, honey? I don't want you to go away. Oh, I'm coming back, honey. You and me are going to get married. Oh, Joe. And someday we're going to have that place we dream about, Sally Lou. Red leather boots and chromium and a big juke box. Oh, gee, Joe. You make everything sound so romantic. I thought of a name for it, too. What, Joe? Joe's place. Oh, Joey. Oh, now, don't cry no more. Sally, I'm going to be OK. You know, I think I'm going to like the Navy. And will you promise to ride? Sure. I'm going to try and get on a PT boat, Sally. They're all volunteers, practically, and the officers are all college guys. It ought to be a very high-class bunch of appetites. And you promise to ride, Joey? Sure. And another thing with the Navy, you go lots of places. There's no harm in knowing how the other hair feeds. But you've got to write, Joey. You may be off you don't know where. Panama, Hawaii, the South Sea Island. I'll write, Sally. Think of it, Joey. The South Sea Island. I'll write, Sally. I'll write. Dear Sally Lou, sorry it's been so long since my last letter, but we've been busy. I should know what to write now as my ice box needs cleaning. But I got to tell somebody about last night or bust. It was like a bad dream. Just one of them nights when everything went wrong. To begin with, I cook a fine supper for our boat captain, who is Lieutenant Gilley. Only we call him captain on the PT, which he is captain of, even if he's only a lieutenant. Anyway, I cook him a fine supper, and he didn't eat one bite hardly. Not one bite. Made me feel like two cents, Sally. I guess the captain don't realize an army travels on his stomach even in the Navy. Oh, say that fish looks good, cook. Thanks, captain. What kind is it? Some kind of tropical fish, sir. Notice how much bigger they are here than home? What's bigger? The tropical fish here, sir. My mother's got a whole tank full of them. There ain't a mouth full in a hundred. Captain Gilley, Captain Gilley. See who that is, will you call him? Yes, sir. The captain's below. Who wants him? Oh, the commander. Yes, sir, it's the squadron commander, sir. Yes, yes, I know. Tell him I'll be right up. Oh, he's coming below, sir. There's enough fish, sir, if you want to ask him for chow. Thanks, Colwell. Hello, commander. Hello, captain. Sorry I didn't interrupt your chow. Will you join me, sir? Not now, thanks. What I want to know is when your boat will be ready for duty again. Not before tomorrow, sir. Those motors are in tough shape. Do any of them work now? Well, there's one motor we can depend on, sir. Well, patch up the other two the best you can and prepare to put to sea with the patrol tonight. Tonight? We won't have much speed, sir. My orders are that every motor, torpedo boat, and the squadron must be off Guadalcanal tonight, ready for action. I'd take it there's something up, sir. There's a jet task force somewhere in this area. We expect them to attack during the night. And you know what our naval strength is here at the present moment. Yes, yes, I do. Commander, I wonder if I could get a couple of replacements. Two of my crew are in the hospital. There aren't any replacements, Captain. I see, sir. I'll get busy on those motors. And look, if you can't get your speed up to what it should be, don't risk going in close to fire your torpedoes or you'll never get away. 1,000 yards at the inside. 1,000 yards, you think, sir? Yes, with an unreliable boat, anything closer could be suicide. I'll remember that, sir. I'll expect you on the patrol then, Captain. We'll leave Telaga here at 1,900. Yes, sir. I brought you another helping of fish, sir. Some more butter sauce. No, thanks, Caldwell. I didn't eat all this. Say, if Fenson Stack comes looking for me, I'm forward in the engine room. Yes, sir. Shall I keep some fish hot for you, sir? Don't bother, Caldwell. I'm not hungry tonight. And then, Sally, as soon as I get my dishes done, I get in trouble with the engineer. He yelled at me and ordered me out of the engine room, right in front of the Betts Brothers, too. They're the ones I wrote you who like ketchup on everything. Why should the engineer humiliate me like that, Sally? All I did was ask him a civil question and he throws me out. I don't get it. There, you see, Captain? Heard just like a cat. Is that the best you could do, Hanson? I'm not Thomas Alva Edison, Captain. Turn that thing off a minute. All right. Hanson, I don't care how you do it, but I want all three of those motors in some kind of shape one hour from now. Listen, Captain, I'm not the... I know you're not Thomas Alva Edison, but we go on patrol tonight. Two of those motors are in awful shape. They're not in half as bad a shape as those Marines on Guadalcanal will be tomorrow if we don't stop those Jap ships. I don't know what I can do, Captain. I'll do something. Okay, Thomas Alva. Wonder who he thinks I am. Superman. Say, Hansy, listen to this number two motor. Turn her over, Ed. Ain't that sweet? Yeah. Yeah, that's better, yeah, that will do. Well, that makes two we got. All right, all right, come on. Now, let's get the saltwater gremlins out of this number three job. Okay, Hansy. All right, all right, start her up, Ed. Okay, Hansy. Wow, boy, born under the button. Oh, keep your shirt on, Hansy. More helping on the king. Where's the engineer, Feds? He's right there, Joe. Where? Right there, under the grease. Mr. Hanson, I want to ask you something. What? Can't hear. I want to ask you something. Look, these engines have got to be ready in an hour, Cook. Yeah, but it's important. What? What is it? I can't tell you where that motor's going. Shut it off, Feds. Now, what is it you want, Cook? What kind of sandwiches would you like on patrol tonight? What kind of what? Sandwiches. Sandwiches. Yeah, on patrol tonight. Sandwiches. Get out of the engine. Get out. Mr. Hanson. Get out. Gee whiz. On top of everything else, we got two guys six, Sally. So I made some broth out of that receipt of my mother's. Guess what? They never even got it. Gee, what a night. Did you check your tin fish tubes? Torpedo's OK, Captain. One, two, three, four, check. Depth charges. Check, Captain. Now, listen to us. Mackie won't be with us tonight. Chablowski's still late up, too, isn't he, sir? Both of them. You know who's wearing quarter stations, are you? Yes, sir. An action is Ed Betts, after an air-lequin gun. I take the starboard, twin mount, Cook takes the fourth mount. Yes, be sure you let them both know you're taking over for Mackie. I'll tell them right away, sir. Very well, we shove off in five minutes. Cookie. Cookie. Sparks, you seen Joe? Yeah, there he is, coming down the dock. Thanks. Hey, Cookie. Who wants me? Where you been? We're almost going to shove off. I took some broths from Mackie and Chablowski. That hospital food ain't so tasty. Did you see him? No, I left it there for him. Some broth, too. Probably got a spoonful of that he'd give up spinach. Sure could use those two boys tonight. Why? Looks like Joe Jitsu's coming to call. Oh, who cares about them jabs? Them jabs can fight, Cookie. How can they fight? They don't eat right. They ain't got blood inside. They got rice. Ah, listen. I take over for Mackie. If there's action, you know your station. Yeah, yeah, that gun there. What's it of that? Maybe more than you think, Cookie. Well, I got to tell the captain I'm back. He gave me leave to go. Reporting back for duty, sir. All right, Colwell. Hello. Engine room on the phone, sir. Oh, thanks. Are you coming on the motor's engine room? Well, we got them running, sir. Good work, Hanson. But they can't be dependent on those, sir. Well, do the best you can. Stand by to get underway, Hanson. Who's that calling? That's Mackie, sir, and Chablowski. Mackie and Chablowski. Mackie's got the bandage on his head. See, sir? Hello, Captain. We're reporting for duty, sir. How did you two get out of the hospital? The doctor said it was OK, sir. Oh, he did, huh? Yes, sir. He agrees with us that salt water would be very good. Oh, really? You can use us, can't you, sir? We can use you, yes. But how do we feel fine? To be honest, Captain, the only thing I need to feel perfect is to get the chap that nicked me in a dome. Very well. Get to your post. Passed on. It done it. It done it. What did what, Cook? My mother's brought it. Made you well. What brother are you talking about? That brother I brought you to the hospital. I gave it to a nurse for you. Oh, yes, Joe, yes. She brought it in just as we were leaving. You mean you didn't drink it? We didn't have time, Joe. Well, that's my mother's best receipt. Just wasted. No, no, Joe. They don't waste nothing at the hospital. Tomorrow some poor wounded guy's going to drink your soup. Don't worry. Now if I can tell Cook, it might even be you. Well, that's OK with me. As long as good food ain't thrown away. Some night, Sally. The radio man spilled my sork over the whole boat almost. Before that, I caught Ed Betz with his greasy hands in my condiments. Honest, Sally, with my luck, I could bet the sun would set in the west and it would catch in a tree. Hey, Cook, why do you keep the catch up? Right a minute. I'll get it. How many times do I have to tell you guys not the monkey around my galley, Betz? Well, I want your catch up, Joe. Then ask me for it. I don't want you messing around here any more than you want me in the engine room. Don't be sorry about that, Joe. We were going nuts over there, Morris. Just the same when you want catch up ass for it. Can I have the catch up, Joe? What do you want it for? I and Paul want it in our ham sandwiches. Here, take the mustard. With the what, Mustard? Mustard's for ham. Take it. But Paul and I like catch up. I don't care. Catch up ain't for ham. Sorry about the engine room, Joe. We didn't mean to put you out honest. OK, OK. Anyway, if well he wasn't Paul and I did it, it was Hansy. Let me have the catch up, Joe. Please? Well, all right, then, if you want to spoil your sandwich. Oh, thanks, Joe. Well, next time ask me for it. Yeah, sure, sure. Look, Joe, don't be so at Hansy. He didn't mean nothing. He gets excited about the motors, that's all. Trouble what Hansy is, he never thinks about nothing but motors. He's got a one track mind. Well, I got to take some chow to Sparks. That's a nice tune on the radio, Sparks. Yeah, it's got a good tone, that portable. That's coming from home, ain't it? San Francisco. I get there once. Good town. You're telling me? I live there. Best spaghetti I ever had I had there. It's a real good town, Joe. Here's a sandwich and a couple of hard boiled eggs for you, Sparks. Thanks, cook. I knew you couldn't leave your panel, so I brought it. How about breakfast and bed tomorrow? Oh, ain't you funny? Then on deck, Joe? Yeah. I tried to get the captain to eat his sandwich. He'll kill his stomach. Everything quiet, Topside? Yeah. It's funny. It's getting late. Don't it usually get that way every night? I'm talking about the jabs, Joe. They're coming. I wish they'd come and get it over with. Think they'll attack? How would I know it? That ain't my department. Give me a salt, solo, Joe. Yeah, I knew you'd be asking him salt. Can't take an egg without it. But you use too much salt. What's the matter, stuck? How do you take the top off? Just unscrew it. Hey, what are you doing with that pencil? Loosen the salt, though. That dirty pencil, my clean salt. Give it here. Comrade Colling, comrade Colling. Squadron commander, this is it. Yeah, Sparks, you spilled my salt. Shut up. Rice Rads at Coney Island, Northwest. Rice Rads at Coney Island, Northwest. Japs are running Savile Island, Captain. Rice Rads at Coney, all parrots. All parrots. It's deploying attack, Captain. Well, Spaces. Well, the Coney Northwest, all parrots. On it, Sparks, you spilled my salt. That's unlucky. You are listening to William Bendix as Joe Caldwell in The Cook on the PT Boat Rites Home on the Cavalcade of America, sponsored by DuPont. Joe, a PT boat cook who mans a gun, but loves his pots and pans, is riding home to Sally Lou. Joe had a bad night last night, and he's writing her all about it. Ever have a compliment make you mad, Sally? That's what I had last night, a compliment that burned me right up. The quartermaster and the torpedo man of neither of them not ever said one nice thing about my cooking, except to say it's lousy. Finally, last night, they both said I was a great guy. For what? For my cooking? Oh, no. Only for doing a lousy little deck job anybody could have done. You should know what happened. Well, here we are at Sleepless Lagoon, boys. There's Savile Island. I don't see no Japs. What do you think, Joe? They have Japanese lanterns strung all over their decks? Well, all I said was I didn't see no Japs. I just hope we see them before they see us. We ought to. They got the moon behind them. If only the dawn moon would come out from back of those clouds. Kind of a pretty night at that, eh? Ah, shut up, will you cook? What's the matter with you, Joplasky? Put it in mind, I should bust you in a pretty kisser. Yeah, you and who else shrimp? Who's a shrimp? You ain't wide enough to bless yourself, Joplasky. Take it easy, boys. Take it easy. Ah, I'm so sorry, Joe. Poor action, I must get nervous. I can't help it. Ah, that's OK. Yeah, just as like when I was a kid in Scranton. After school, we used to have rock fights. Once we got throwing stuff, I felt fine. But beforehand, ah, but I can't help it, Joe. My stomach just comes up and shakes hands with my back teeth. I know how you feel, Jabby. I had that once. Yeah? You, Cookie? I bet nothing ever bothered you. Oh, this once, oh, boy, was when I was working at Nixie. I'm all alone late one night, and this fella comes in. Yeah? He looks familiar, but I can't place him, see? He orders a hamburger, medium rare, but definitely without onions. Then what? Well, I'm fixing the hamburger. I remember I seen his picture in the paper. Then, like that, it comes to me who he is. And boy, I was like jelly. Who was it? Dillinger, maybe? No, it was my congressman. He'd heard about my hamburgs, and I was scared stiff. I wouldn't cook it right. Ah, hamburger. At that, I almost gave minions. Hey, there comes the moon out of the clouds. Now we see what. Look. Look. Jap cruiser and destroyer brought on the port bow. Cruiser and destroyer brought on the port bow. Stand by to attack. Stand by to attack. Slow down the hunt speed. Engine room, how many RPMs can we make if we have to? Well, see that they do, understand? Listen, Captain, I'm not talking. Ready on torpedoes tubes. Check, Captain. Now here's the plan, Mr. Stack. We move forward at hunt speed and sneak through the destroyer screen and get that cruiser. At what range, sir? 600 yards. 600 yards, sir. Right. What do you estimate our distance now? About 1,000 yards, sir. You men on the machine guns watch for destroyers. If they spot us, shoot their lights out. All set on the gun, sir. Ready on the port gun cook. OK, OK. Hey, Cookie. What do you want, tubes? Shoot like you cook, kid. You'll kill them all. Why don't you wise guys jump over, boy? Distance, Mr. Stack. 800 yards, sir. A little less, if anything. Wouldn't it be a good idea to increase speed slightly, sir? No, our wake would show if we did. These last few yards take forever. Ever notice, sir? Yes, I have, Mr. Stack. 700 yards, sir. As a destroyer, say your prayers. I think we're going to get by it, sir. Yeah. This is our lucky night. So far, Mr. Stack. 600 yards, sir. Well, here's good hunting. Ready on the number one torpedo. Ready on the number one torpedo, sir. Fire one. Fire one. Ready on the number two torpedo. Ready on the number two torpedo, sir. Fire two. Fire two. Look at him run. Hot straight and normal. Ready on the number three torpedo. Ready on the number three torpedo, sir. Fire three. Fire three. Ready on the number four torpedo. Ready on the number four torpedo, sir. Fire four. Fire four. One of those fish ought to hit. Should take them about 35 seconds to travel that distance, sir. Now it's 30 seconds now. 31, 32, 33, 34. 35. I guess we missed on the first two, sir. Begins to look like we missed on all four. Hang on, boys. We're going home. Hardest starboard, full speed ahead. You're a great guy. From such a great guy, tubes. Why don't you eat my pie crust? Hello. All this beginning to kick up. The engine room says the motor's starting to go, sir. Double those tanks. Here we can be done. Yes, sir. Kelly, you've got to do something, Hanson. It's impossible, sir. But that destroyer that's after us can make more speed than we can. I can't help it, sir. Well, I'll go tell the captain. Yes, sir. Mr. Stack. Mr. Stack, the portman's gun been knocked out. All right. I'll take a look. Guns are gone. They called well. Yes, sir. You hurt? All OK, sir. Good. Excuse me, sir. But could I ask you a question? Yes, what is it? Well, I know you know plenty. You read and all that. Well, what is it called? Well, in your opinion, where would be the best place to open a restaurant? Well, how in the name of jumping Judas do I know a restaurant? I'm only idiotic. What's the good word on the motorist? Good word is lousy. Do you think it's funny? I'm sorry, sir. I'm laughing at the cook. The only thing that's worrying him now is where he can open a restaurant. Well, he'll have a choice of two places, heaven or else. Just because I read, he thinks I should know everything. Ever read how to get away from a destroyer in ten easy lessons? Well, as a matter of fact, I did read something about a destroyer, sir. It was with an English motor torpedo boat. What about it? They cut in front of the destroyer, sir, and shoved a depth charge right under its nose. Well, if it's good enough for an Englishman, it's good enough for me. Let's go. If we miss, sir, we get rammed, you know. If we've got to get it, let's get it attacking, Mr. Stack. Yes, sir. Set a depth charge for 50 feet tubes. Depth charge, 50 feet, sir. Stand up to drop depth charge. Aye, aye, sir. Gunners, gunners, shoot for the destroyer deck. Lock out the machine guns. Sir, may I go out and tell him when to drop the charge? Go ahead, Stack. And good hunting. Oh, what? We haven't any top eaters left. What are we going to do? Hit him with our fists? Ah, the captain knows what he's doing. Not if he's trying to ram a destroyer with a pee-pee boat, he doesn't. Maybe we're going to do something with this depth charge. That by on the depth charge. Standing by, sir. Standing by, sir. Look at the destroyer, sir. They're going to run us down. Depth charge! Drop our tubes. Give me a hand here, Joe. Ensign Stack's been hit. This is a PS, Sally. It is two hours later. I took time off to clean the ice box. Also, to take some broth to Ensign Stack who was in the hospital today. He felt fine after he drank it. He said we should open Joe's place in Tokyo. Do you think he was kidding, Sally? Thank you, William Bendix. Ladies and gentlemen, we'll hear again from Mr. Bendix in a few moments. Before we do, we would like to tell you what Lamotte DuPont, Chairman of the Board of the DuPont Company, said today in commenting on the country's all-out production for the war effort. Mr. DuPont said, quote, time certainly have changed in the chemical industry since the First World War. Then we were making little else than explosives and considered ourselves mighty busy. Now we're beating the First World War records by wide margins and making a greater variety of chemicals besides. The quality of the explosives is higher, the cost to the government is lower, and the safety and manufacture is setting all-time records. DuPont operated plants alone are turning out greater quantities of military propellants than the entire American explosives industry did at its peak in 1918. But for every man in these plants, we have another man working in other plants, making dyes, rayon, nylon, plastics, synthetic rubber, yes, hundreds of other products, which are as necessary to the war effort as gunpowder or TNT. The great change that the passing years has brought is evinced by these chemical materials, which were developed for peacetime uses and now have been conscripted for wartime needs. Without them, the present war could not be won, and not a few of them were nonexistent in the last war. The chemical scientists had not thought of nylon in 1917. It wasn't even a word. Yet every pound of nylon we can make today is doing the work for many vital military purposes that silk, which no longer is available, had to do in other wars. We did not know how to make synthetic rubber in the last war, and with a natural rubber supply cut off, we needed more than almost any other material for our military airplanes, trucks, and jeeps. American chemists and engineers have provided neoprene for us in recent years and adapted buna to American use. Synthetic rubber is giving service now on American military vehicles at home and abroad. There was only one small factory in the whole United States, making rayon in 1917 and 1918. Rayon, then, was totally without military value. Today, in contrast, it is needed for heavy-duty tires, for machinery packings, and a good part of the population is clothed in it. As to dyes, in 1917, 18, we had trouble in getting dyes even for our postage stamps and paper money because the Germans controlled 90% of the supply. Now, the industry is making all the dyes required for military and civilian purposes. The plastics industry was still in its infancy during the First World War. Its principal development has come about in the past dozen years. Plastics are used in every military plane that takes the air. Greater developments are still ahead. We expect greater changes than any we have known. The public is looking for new things, more and more of them, and incidentally, it isn't going to be disappointed. As a people, we have developed an unprecedented degree of faith in the power of science to remake the world for the better. The chemical industry must maintain a discrete silence as to any accomplishment since the war started, but this much can be said. Science has a good chance to succeed in doing what the people want, thus providing better things for better living through chemistry. And now, Cavalcade star of the evening, William Bendix. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. In as much as the character I played on tonight's Cavalcade was a lad who knew his food, and in as much as every one of us today should know our calories and points, I'd like to urge all of you to see the United States Department of Agriculture's new stage presentation, It's Up to You. It opens here in New York in a couple of days, and soon it will play throughout the country. Your local papers will announce the time and place. I've seen a preview. It's a splendid presentation of a problem every American will want to share so that the men behind the guns will get the best first. Thank you. Older than the United States itself is the United States Coast Guard, which in time of war has the tough assignment of convoy duty, landing troops, and anti-submarine patrol. Our play next week is about the Coast Guard. It is called Submarine Astern, and our star is the popular screen player Ray Miland. Be with us again next week when Cavalcade presents Ray Miland in an exciting drama of the United States Coast Guard Submarine Astern. The orchestra and musical score on tonight's Cavalcade were under the direction of Don Burris. Cavalcade is pleased to inform its audience that William Bendick, star of our play tonight, will soon be seen in the new Paramount picture, China. This is Clayton Collier sending best wishes from Cavalcade sponsor, the DuPont Company of Wilmington, Delaware. This program came to you from New York. This is the national broadcasting company.