 playing to why to fight for this is why in the morning my name is Raham 거고 and as always we value your feedback if at all you joining us you just in time for the next conversation also the day and today let's talk about stress amongst the youth how can the youths deal with stress what are the reasons as to why we have so many cases of suicide people killing each other is it stress today let's understand this particular issuepecially as a parent This conversation should enable you to know how to deal with you and with your child. With your teenager, with your youth that you stay with at home. How best can you handle stress when you are dealing with that particular person? Are it school, or is it work, is it business, are it relationships or is it social life? What is the problem? 1983-2 keyword Thank you for finding time to join me. I want to find me at Sami Wanjiro. Sami is SAWMI Wanjiro. Facebook at Sami Wanjiro. And also via Instagram at Sami Wanjiro. Wandaful. Wandaful. If at all you would like to join this conversation on the go. Because at the end of the day it's all about understanding stress among the youth. Remember we shall sample your feedback on this conversation as we continue talking on this particular show. So Sam, there's so many people who normally ask this question. I've heard it. People said that we were named Dogosana. You're still young. You don't have that stress. Is it okay to even say that? Are they justified? Is it that young people should not be stressed? I think they are not justified. Even young people should be stressed. You see when you talk of stress it's a response to answer a challenging circumstance. And not only even we say plants do get stressed. Plants. Plants, animals. Mimaeha. Mimaeha. With excess water plants will get stressed. What about a human being? Even infants, newborn, get stressed. So seeing you when you Dogosana kupata stress, it's not justified. How many families are there? How many children? There are so many circumstances that can lead to stress. I was looking into this. According to the World Health Organization, half of all mental health conditions start at the age of 14 years. Mental conditions. Mental disorders. But stress can start as early as a young newborn. Just a newborn. Is stress connected to any mental disorder in any way? There is a connection. People with mental disorders are more prone or susceptible to stress. But stress is just a response of your body. For example, if right now somebody enters, a stranger enters this room where we are, all of a sudden your body will react. Lady for a fight, lady for a flight, either fight or flight. That fight mechanism, your body is stressed. And the response, it depends. We have both negative and positive stress. You can even be stressed. Today you are told that you are promoted. You will be stressed because of the new responsibility. But at the same time you may be happy because of your increment of salary. So this is what stress is, my definition. But you say there is positive and negative. Yes. Okay, clarify that. How can someone say that women are going to have positive stress? Positive stress. I am sitting for an exam tomorrow. My mind will be prepared and I will be forced to prepare for the exam. Because of the stress of failing the exam, this might be a positive starting point for me. So I may work harder towards the exam. That is positive. Another example to the young people. You have a date tomorrow with your fiancée. You will be stressed. How should I behave? How should I look? How should I dress? That is positive stress. Can positive stress turn to negative stress? Yes, it can. What are these negative stress? Negative stress. Maybe we can look at how positive stress can lead to negative effects. For example, if you get promoted today and you are not able to handle the new responsibilities, the effects will be more negative because you may be overwhelmed by your new responsibilities. If you are not able to handle new situations which we are positive, the effects may be negative. But when we talk of negative stress, these are circumstances that allow us to handle the situations we are not able to handle. Maybe we can give an example. You are unwell. Or in your family somebody is unwell. And you are expected to take over some responsibility in that family. So in the process, that is negative stress. And that negative stress that is affecting you will add up having effects to you. Because when you talk of stress, it's more mental. And when we have mental issues or emotional issues, we have issues of hormones. And these hormones, when they are in your body, when they are excess, they may have negative effects. So either positive or negative stress have an effect to you. But I'm looking at this. Worry. How can someone say that I'm not stressed. I'm just worried about just some small worry. In the sumoto kliki dog, but I'm not stressed. Is there any way of distinguishing or differentiating between someone who is stressed and someone who is just slightly worried about a particular issue? Yeah, the symptoms are just negligible when you come to worries. But stress, when you have accumulated stress, you have some symptoms even in your body. So being worried and being stressed are different? There is a very thin line. Worry is made to stress. Accumulated worry is made to stress. Because stress becomes prolonged when it becomes prolonged. That is the time that you may find yourself that now you have a dire effect. All right. I want us to take a short break. Okay. But when you are back, you said something earlier, that when someone enters, there is a way you respond to it. I want us to, when we come back, we will look into the psychological or emotional signs that someone is stressed. How can someone know that they are stressed? Okay. Before that. And after that break, we will also look into schools. How can you as a teenager handle stress? Because at the end of the day, life is always going to be full of worries. Sure. Yes. How best should you handle yourself regardless of the stress and not make bad decisions? Let's take a short break. Short break will be back in a bit. This is why in the morning. Well, this particular day, we are talking about stress among the youth. Do you have somebody who you feel is stressed? And I'm with Samuel Wanjiru. He is a counseling psychologist to help us understand how to deal with stress. Do you have a child, son or daughter? Do you have a teenager in the house? Do you have a youth in the house? How best can you deal with them? And how can you help them deal with themselves? The hashtag is one in the morning at Ram Maguka and at Y254 channel. This is the conversation that we are talking about today. Understanding stress among the youth. Let's talk about this Wanjiru. Yes. Mimikit na shangani hi. When someone is stressed, there is a way they behave. There is a way they change. For us, how best can someone do that self-assessment? Is it possible for you to analyze yourself and say that based on these signs, I am stressed? Is it possible for an outsider to observe you and say, this person is stressed? So technically, what are these signs and symptoms if they are there of stress? Basically, you said that stress, whether there is a change of behavior. And there is that behavior change. And because this issue is both emotional, it's mental, it's psychological, you can easily note yourself, self-assessment. And at the same time, people allowed you to easily note. For example, you may isolate yourself from the others. You are used to hanging out with friends. And because you are stressed out because of financial issues, family issues, work related issues. You isolate yourself from the rest of your people. You are not only even in the social media. But at the same time, somebody who was not too much in the social media, somebody made all of a sudden from, boom, you find the person in the social media. And somebody you see that posting 10 photos, somebody posting even 10 years old photos, trying to amaze people and showing people that I'm back. Those are small things that show someone stress. Even the kind of posts you are posting, you can easily analyze and see this person has an issue. So for people who are not always online and all of a sudden they are frequently making posts, it's a sign that they are trying to deal with something. But they are not actually handling the stress, they are not getting a solution through that. You see some behavior change. You are trying to adapt to the new kind of lifestyle or kind of issues that are pushing you. And because now you are not able to address directly the issue, you direct these issues to another line, which is maybe the social media. Just want to mention. Because you are trying to direct your energy towards something. Exactly. Social gathering, you avoid. You used to attend social gatherings, you used to go to prison like churches, prisons of worship, you no longer go. Because you are stressed. You are trying to avoid people. And this is why we all need to look out for each other. Kiwa na mtwana kwa na fana kitu and they stop doing it. Find out why. Check on him or her. You call? Yes, find out. And psychological change, those are behavioral? Psychological. This person may from nowhere anger. This person changes. If the person is aggressive, the person was not aggressive before. But from nowhere this person becomes very aggressive. Anakasirika alaka. This person before in the prison of work or even at home, this person could just come into the house. There is a lot of joy in the house. Then from nowhere this person is trying to avoid all the good things this person was doing. What about someone who always ends up getting in constant trouble? They used to be okay, but now things have changed. And they find themselves always getting into problems and mistakes and sagas and issues left and right center. You find them always on the police OB. You find them every now and then. Because maybe this person has, because of the stress, you are not able to handle your issues. And because you are not able to handle your issues, every time you are annoyed, the way you react, you can even assess yourself and say, is this the same way I used to react sometimes back? What has changed in my life? Something has changed. Issue of some even body pain, back ache. Back ache is also a sign of stress? Ya, it can be a sign of stress. Stomach ache. Ya, heart racing. Increased heart beats. Because of the increased hormones in the body, increases the rate of heart beats in your heart. So these are also some of the biological issues that changes you may see in your body. What about someone who always, they now tend to be emotional. No things now begin to affect them in ways that they never used to before. Anali asana. Emotional changes. Emotional changes. All these are signs of stress. And unfortunately we are in Kenya, all your human beings. And those people who come to Nairobi, can they avoid traffic jam? You can never avoid traffic jam. And since you cannot avoid traffic jam, you cannot be able to avoid the stress. What is important is how you deal with the traffic jam in Nairobi. Do you know the rules to escape traffic? The same case. Do you know how the rules to escape stress is in traffic? Stress is in traffic. Yes. But you have to come up with a route that will take you to where you wanted to go. Okay. Let's go quickly. When we are talking about school and work and business and social life, how can a youth deal with stress? How can a youth deal with the stress? Hobbies are very important, especially for the young people, develop hobbies. And if you are a teenager in school, there are books to read. There are quite a number of books to read. You interact with friends, speak about what is disturbing you. Open up. You are feeling of people speaking about you. In schools you have guidance and counseling departments. Go there, talk to the teacher in charge. Talk to someone. Share out what is disturbing you. We have people who normally say achya stress. Someone advises you achya stress. Too near, too near, too near. Is that also a solution? How? Achya stress. This person should guide you. Uta achya stress. Uta hi achya agi. It's like somebody telling you I stop eating. Then how do I deal with hunger? Show me how to deal with hunger. So the same case, if you are telling me to achya stress, you should also guide me to show me how do I avoid the stress? How do I deal with the stress? And for someone who is going through school, that pressure of succeeding and passing in examinations and trying to go to the next level in terms of their academics, where should they work through that season of worry? First is setting realistic goals. In life people are setting unrealistic goals. Parents are giving their young ones a lot of pleasure. Because you yourself are a teacher, you want your daughter or a son to be a teacher. So set realistic goals. Work within your limits. That's ok, doctor. Exactly. Work within your limits. And you are limited. At all of us you have some limitations. Somebody was to be a doctor, another one was to be a teacher, another one was to be a secretary somewhere. So work within your limits. The same case when it comes to class. If you know you are a solo learner, take time to lead. Stop going hanging out with the people whom you know that they might say they are like a, they photograph everything and they understand there and there. So plan yourself well. You avoid all that pleasure, academic pleasure. Plan yourself well, set your limits and work within your limits. Have a timetable in other words. Because you know how you understand your books. Exactly. So to avoid stress, you have when you are a summer, what time should I wake up? What time should I read? And for how long? And for how long? Now do parents also have a role in influencing the rate of stress among the youth? Ya, they have a greater role. How do they help in this particular scenario here? Every person, the foundation of somebody's life is a family. And we all start from the foundation. For the building to start, it all depends with the foundation. The parents should come up with good foundation for their young ones. As they grow, let them understand their young ones. Even at home you realize that a brother and a sister, or among the siblings, they have different ways of dealing with pleasure. You find that somebody, a young boy who is even 5 years, he is not able to deal with an issue. Even like he is riding a bicycle, there is a mechanical issue, the boy starts climbing. Another boy will just pick the bicycle, starting working on it and comes away of riding the bicycle. This one who started climbing, this person shows that he has a weakness, he is weak emotionally. He is not able to handle his issues well. So can you start helping this person at that formative stage to understand that if you are faced with a life challenge, how do you deal with it? You can pick yourself up again. Exactly. So what a parent needs to do, you beat that strength to your child. Yes, understand your child. As this child is 2-3 years, he is able to see this how your son behaves. There are some with the phobias, even insects, there is a cockroach in the house. The child is on top of the chair. Others are hiding, they are crying, understand this person has an issue, requires kind of tender caring and at the same time support, help this child to understand that this is among the challenges you have to face. If you are feeling of a cockroach, ask this child as he glows to understand how to deal with other life challenges. You don't just snob it, you snob it. Acha ujinga, kwa mwanaume. Kwa mwanaume. One comment that normally kills the ego of many boys especially upcoming. Kwa mwanaume. Does it mean already in mwanaumeke you are trying to change this person kwa mwanaume? Kwa mwanaume. Now you've started killing this boy. Help him to understand himself and understand the inner person because we are created, made different, biologically, genetically we are very different. What about this issue of parents telling their kids na tako kwe dakitari, na tako kwe engineer, na tako ujinga tuh看一下 when you should know na tako kwe dakitari na tako kwe dakitari na tako kwe dakitari na tako kwe kwe There is the inner person in this person, whoever he is supposed to be, and there is what you want out of this person. So you take somebody, you force him or her to become an engineer. But this person was to be a very different person. This person was to be the just journalist of the nation. This person, there are some parents who are taking some courses because of the plight. They want to attach themselves with the society. My son is so and so. My son is an engineer. My son is a doctor. My son is a lawyer. And sees other laws in the society as minor laws. And at the end of the day you pile a lot of pressure to your son or daughter. So what happens in the future? The engineer will go there and he or she is working for the parent and not from the passion. So parents need to understand that give them space to be who they want to be. In the case where someone has done their KACPE, the KACC, we had the results just the other day. Someone is stressed out there because according to the parent they wanted an A or a B but they got a C plus or a D and then you failed. Now they are stressed they are wondering what to do. Some have committed suicide. Yes because the parents, there is the pride of the parent. I have praised myself in the society. And maybe even others they had seen as an opportunity to approve themselves. The success of the son or the daughter was the opportunity for the parent to approve him or herself in the society. So the son or the daughter has failed. Now you pile a lot of pressure and even some of them they are going to an extent of abusing. The children are going to an extent of abusing. And some we have heard them say they are going to an extent of abusing. Because of the parent's expectation. But at that of the day you pile pressure on your daughter, your son, he or she commits suicide then you start crying. What should a parent do when they expect something from a child but that child has failed to deliver? Accept the reality. There is the ideal situation or everybody should pass. But the reality is some have to pass others have to be average above average and below average. I know about the youth now that I have not succeeded in what I wanted to do. How can my youth deal with that kind of stress? Somebody got a deep pain. This person goes for a certificate. The person next after certificate diploma, degree and even masters. It all depends. You may fail today. The problem is that shall we remain there on the ground. Liza and move on. There is always a way up to the top. Now there is this pressure to fit in? Yes we are trying to conform, conforming to groups. I want to join such a social group. Peer pressure. Peer pressure, I want to join such a group. So you go to a school, you go to a campus, you go there and find that there is such a social group. And they have set their rules. Our rules is that you have to be a drunkard, you have to be a B and C. So you force yourself into that group. And because you want to conform to the norms of that group, you end up having a lot of stress. Youth should realize that we have no rehearsal for this life. Leave your life, not the life of others. Wow. Powerful. In this life there is no rehearsal. Leave your life. Not the life of others. Thank you very much counsellor. Yes. I was with Samuel Wanjiru, he is a counselling psychologist. We are talking about youth, dealing with stress among the youth. How best can you handle your child? How can you handle yourself? And one thing that I realized is, during this conversation, youths have piled pressure on themselves so much so that they make bad decisions for themselves. Life is not a rehearsal. It's not a rehearsal. Leave your life. Leave your life. Not the life of someone else. Yes. Thank you so much Samuel. I appreciate it. Welcome. That brings us to the end of this conversation. I write on why before we were taking a short break after this, we are back with so much more. Keep it while in the morning.