 The Mandalorian season three is here. I don't usually do individual episode reviews for shows. I like to wait until a few have gone by, give early impressions and later ones, but there was so much to say. So much of a disaster happening that I had to make a video. I just had to get some stuff off of my chest. Let's begin. First, I want to point out that I always forget how to pronounce baby Yoda, Grogu, Grogu. So that's just something you're going to have to deal with. We're going to learn together. Could I educate myself? Play back a video of how it's pronounced? Yeah, of course. Am I going to? No, because we as a human collective have now embraced being stupid and kind of rewarded, which is bizarre. Speaking of stupid, let's talk about the plot of Mandalorian season three, episode one. The episode opens with what I thought was a flashback of our young Mando, Dijin or Dijon, Mustard, whatever his real name is, doing a celebratory mask, masking, not unmasking or unboxing, they're actually boxing this kid up. I thought that was him. No, it's not. It turns out there is more Mandalorian chilling out in the cave area than I thought from previous seasons. There was a good 15 to 20 of them. A little flock down at the beachside doing an orientation. What they weren't expecting, or maybe they were, who knows, these people seem incredibly incompetent at this point, was a giant alligator turtle blowing out of the pond behind them and breaking up their little party. Questions come to mind. One, did you know this thing was in there? Did you know there was a dangerous scary creature with impenetrable armor hanging out right behind you? Two, how deep is the drop off from shore to water? We go from zero to 100 really fast because that thing looked like it was six stories tall. I don't know how it creeped up on these people, I don't know how it did, but it was just nothing's here and then boom, it's there. I seriously was like, holy shit, what? What? That doesn't even physically make sense how we did that. Three, if you knew there was possible danger lurking right behind you, why do that there? Why have the ceremony on the beach? I know that it's pretty, it's lovely, it's magical, but we already established that this isn't the Mandalorian planet. That's toxic or something, Britney Spear style. We know that that's not special water. I get that you're all about tradition, but I mean, throw up a kiddie pool in the back of the cave. We don't need to be swimming alongside gators or soon we'll be swimming with the fishes, which means we're dead. So yeah, a lot of questions right out of the gates. This was also a 10 minute battle scene, probably not that much, I'm over exaggerating, but it fell very long. And it's hard to enjoy cool epic battle sequences when my brain is so confused as to how this even came to be. I just sat there perplexed, like how, why? Why was this a thing that needed to happen? I thought you were supposed to be professional hunters. You guys were supposed to be the best of the best and you didn't do any recon on this pond. You can't even hurt this thing. It's ridiculous. No, I wasn't on board at all with that. Before I get too down in the dumps on this thing, I do wanna point out that I'm happy the Mandalorian's back. I really am. Seeing little Gragu and him, Rogu and Dijon Mustard flying around the galaxy, kicking ass, being cool, buddying up, having that bond, that stuff's awesome. I'll watch them have a tea party for 35 minutes. That's fine with me. But there was a lot of ugly writing here, a lot of disgusting writing. And before I go any further into this, I need to go on a colossal rant about what a fucking disaster it was to set this up the way they did. How dare you Disney, or whoever made this decision, to have season 2.5 wedged inside of Boba Fett. You have to imagine that 50% of the audience watching the Mandalorian did not watch the book of Boba Fett. That's a number I pulled out of my ass, but it's probably sound. I might be generous. It might be less than that because Boba Fett sucks now. He's a lame character. They concluded major character arcs in Boba Fett, and then they didn't even bother addressing them here. You couldn't have done a recap. The previously on that they started the episode of Mandalorian with was the robot. That was like it, it was like the robot. Remember robot? Remember robot from season one? Nothing on Luke Skywalker training that little shit. Nothing on the emotional goodbyes between those two. No, they're just back together. They could have done a whole episode one of season three just on the book of Boba Fett stuff that people missed. Like just show the mando parts, which, oh wait, that was an entire episode of the book of Boba Fett, it was an entire episode. So for those people that didn't watch, they're going into this like, oh, I guess they're back. I guess they, he's done with his training. How long was he training for? You can find this info off camera. I think someone said it was two years. All right, well, cool. What great storytelling this is. So once the gang's done playing Crocodile Mile, we have Mando really still yearning to be part of this community again. This cult that he's been banned from because he took his helmet off, I still don't get the logistics of this helmet thing. Do people's heads not grow over time? I mean, they get it when they're a kid, the head gets bigger. I just don't get how, what are the semantics of this? And I mean, you're showering, are you just spritzing up there? Really disgusting. I can't get over that. What a weird, what a weird religion this is or whatever they call it. He's informed by the leader, I don't know the names of these people, female Mandalorian, that there is one way he can get back in their good graces. This is the way, she says. He has to go to their old planet, see if it's toxic, swim in the pools, come on out on the other side, clean as a whistle, sharp as a thistle or some shit, whatever that phrase is. And he will do so. But in order to do so, he needs a team. He needs a crew he can trust and little Gragu isn't gonna be enough. Still not that sharp with the force. He needs someone that's helped in the past, someone that's been blown up several times. And so he traverses back to the planet where it all started. Tatooine, nope. Mos Eisley, nope. Are those the same places? I don't know. I don't care. It's another desert planet where there was a bunch of old buildings and huts and now it's a booming industry. It's a beautiful bustling community, now led by Apollo Creed from the Rocky franchise. He's looking good. He's aging very gracefully. He informs Vando that yeah, they have erected a statue of robot dude with all the arms that was awesome. And he's self-destructive with the Humpty Dumpty disaster back together. So Vando's like, oh, okay, I need that guy. He's the only dude I trust, the only robot I trust, even though he tried to kill me originally, but now he's cool. There's a bunch of little frick mechanics saying, yeah, we can get the job done, but we need a memory chip. Okay, I guess all memory chips are the same. If the robot had a memory of being good and his chip was destroyed, how is taking another memory chip and putting it in the same thing? That's not a replay. You can't do that. That's like, oh, I lost my brain. Give me another person's brain and boom. Now I remember everyone I've lost in my life. No, no. Sci-Fi logistics aside, now we have multiple fetch quests going on. Vando has to go to a planet to bathe in a pool. He has to go find a memory card or RAM or something that this robot needs that he for some reason has to have back because fan service. He's also gonna head to a Mandalorian castle and talk to the chick from Battlestar Galactica. That show was awesome. And she's just chilling like a boss there. This is such an empty, boring place. Looks like something right out of the Star Wars prequels. She's hanging out in the throne, presumably for multiple years. Don't know how she's being fed or where she's going to the bathroom. These are things that keep me up at night, but I don't think anyone else cares. She has a robot butler of sorts there. So maybe he's making her, he's preparing meals for all I know. She's got a major chip on her shoulder because she doesn't have the dark sword. Vando's not gonna give it to her. And that's pretty much that entire conversation. The show ends with a really cool chase. I will give it that. The last eight minutes or so, fantastic. He's flying like a shark through space, hiding behind asteroids. Peek-a-boo. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Blowing in and out of asteroids, killing dudes left and right. But it's a trap. B-b-b-b-b, it's a trap! Subscribe for bad Star Wars impressions. He was chasing some pirates, but the whole thing was a ruse. Yes, the plan was to have all four of them get killed and the fifth one lead him right to his boss in a massive pirate spaceship. And the pirate spaceship is commanded by, you guessed it, Captain Davy Jones. He's got the seaweed tentacle shit coming down his face. Doesn't look like anyone else. He's like, ah, I'm gonna get you, Mando! So kind of, you know, we're building up some new villains. I did like the callback to season one. They do a quick and the dead style cowboy showdown, speaking of which, I'm going to be talking about quick and the dead next week on the channel. Just throwing that out there in case you aren't subscribed yet. And then, boom! They take him out. So my thoughts on Mandalorian season three episode one are mixed. On one hand, it's very nice to be back. Love this crew. On the other hand, pretty sloppy writing. Not sure where this story's going. It feels more like a video game than a show where there's bosses that he fights. There's fetch quests to go on. He's gonna go back to the NPC. Hello, I got your item, the memory card you wanted. Okay, goodbye. I see the youth of today doing that on TikTok. So since I actually played those games, the referencing, I thought I could do it as well. I asked my daughter why she was doing this. And she's like, oh, people do it online. Like, yeah, do you even understand the context? And she's like, no. I'm like, okay. I'm so old. You should probably know the drill at this point. I gave you my thoughts. I want to hear from you. Give them to me. Give me all of them in the comments below. Like this video if you had a good time. And I'm begging you at this point. Hit that subscribe. I'm a pathetic weak shell of a man that just wants a subscription. Just give me a subscription. It's not that hard. It's not that hard. And I'll talk to you next time. 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