 Rwy'n gilydd i'r gwirio'r cyfnod mewn gweithio mewn gweithio'r platform ymlaen i'w gweithio'r gwneud ymlaen ag ymgyrsio ymlaen ymlaen, a gweithio'n gwneud ymlaen i'w gwirio'r ysgrifiadau a'r cwmau yn amlwgol, ac mae'n gweithio'r cwmau'n gweithio, fel ar y cyflos ymlaen yn gwaith. Dyn ni e usede ddechrau gan sefydlu ddarswydd teimlo. Dyna gweld ysgolffedd, gyda'r bobwynynll yn julion ddechrau. Ers oedd y grwbd Nemos yn ei adnod o'r du— Rydym yn ymgyrch— Gwydodd olfyn gyda'r ddechrau. Roeddwn i chi wedi bod yn eich gafailau. Be yn ei blaid. Egoedd gan yw ymgyrch hwnnw o'r ddechrau. Ie ddim wedi gweld ysgolffydd gyda'r ddechrau, byddwn yma yn dweud. I ate at them, you know what I mean. It was like, it was more than a footy game. It was more, it was always more than a football game. My life changed after that derby. It was like superstards. I was fucking like one of the Beatles in the engine, you know what I mean? Walking down the city and everyone wanted a bit of me in it. I loved it James. I loved everything about being a professional footballer. And then I absolutely loved it mate. I loved the fame. I loved everything about it most importantly. I was playing for Everton. I was playing for Everton's first team. It was my wildest dream come true, so you can imagine. I can remember it right then. And I woke up the next day feeling fucking rough as fuck. I thought never again, my dad just was a mean old man. I was just into fitness. I remember waking up on rough as fuck. And then I had to go into Bellfield to get treatment because of my injuries. And then it's just snowball from there James. That was only about six, seven months after that derby game all this was happening. That's how quick I lost the plot. That's how quick I went from zero to zero with the drinking and the depression and the drugs and that. Because it just come out of the rehab and he would tell me all about this once too many. A thousand's never enough. But you thought it would be all right. It's a couple of fucking babies, you know what I mean? There you go. I had that one drink. And I'll tell you what, mate, a thousand wasn't enough. It was from there. I just went down the same slope. Before it goes any further, I'm retiring. How about that to myself? I thought you fucked it again. You're doing everyone's head in and around you. Me, my family, everyone who cares about me. So do you know what lad? I'm retiring and I did. I retired. I was 21. Ben, we're on. Yes, Jimmy. Yes, Billy, bye. Yes, in today's guest, we've got Billy Kenny. How are you, Bill? Thanks, mate, some sound, James. Thanks for having me. Great to have you on. I know you're very well known down this neck. It was Liverpool. Everton Superstar came through the ranks 19 man of the match against Liverpool running a mock in the Premier League. Over the last 30 years, you've kind of went missing. Absolutely missing, absolutely ran the bends. Yeah, playing for Everton, living in the city. It's a great experience, James, to be honest, when I first started, it's all the dents about. I was playing for Everton as I was all the way growing up in Bailington Street, off Scotland Road there. So it was mad growing up in Liverpool. It was either Liverpool or Everton, you know what I mean? Everyone supports us. Most of them are Liverpool supporters, to be honest, but it was a great time playing with my mates. Dreaming, just go to bed and dream about the same dream. Every single night was to beat Liverpool in the Merseysag Dabi. I couldn't dream and not on else. Every time I closed my eyes, same dream. Same dream, open with one day. I'd run out there, I called the sun and faced Liverpool. Cos at the time growing up in the 80s, and me and Liverpool were brilliant, you know what I mean? We were winning everything. It used to kill me, man. I used to think to myself maybe one day I'll be able to sort it out. You know what I mean? To sort of help Everton and help the fans beat this Liverpool. My dream comes true. My dream comes true, James. I liked in my life playing and getting the Merseysag Dabi. I played in two Merseysag Dabi's, but the one I got noticed for was the one that we won. Two-one? We won two-one. Great night. I watched the game. The other night, my first time in 20 years, it was a great game. It was a really great game. That was it. That was my dream. Your dreams come true, like? My dreams come true. I worked so hard, James. I had to sacrifice a lot. To make it, to play for Everton in the first team. It was a lot of hard work. Went into my life training really hard. I was training with all the boxers around the city. Getting myself in tip-top shape and that. It happens for me. It was a great time of my life. At the start of your career, everybody was talking about you as a next young prospect. Not just take Everton, but England. You were potentially becoming the next big superstar. Then you hurt an injury, you went through your addiction problems and over the last 30 years you've kind of battled with addiction, which we'll touch on. That's kind of 21. Before we get into all that, let's go right back to the start, Bill. Go through your life, where you grew up, how it all began. I grew up in a little shoplifting village in the middle of Scotland Road. The Vauxhall Road called Bailington Street. If you wasn't watching football or playing football, you're more likely shoplifting, you know what I mean? Because we were right to the city centre. Great people from that area. Rob off anyone at your houses. They just go to town. In the 80s as well, everyone was skinned. You had to fucking feed yourself, or you wanted to take your girl out to pitch you. There was nothing else to do. You had to play 40 or winning a shoplift. Just to run around. As far back as I can remember, I must have been about 7 James keeping the ball up. I'm barely. My dad played for Evan. My dad was a great player there. My dad played for Evan in the 70s. With Kendall and Avi. The managers who were going to play under. My dad played in that team. We used to give me all the little treasures. Going to keep the ball up for 10. I'd be there all day keeping the ball up. Give us a shout when you've done that. I'll do 10. I'll do 7. I'll go in as I've done 10. I'll do 20. I think he used to just do that. To keep me out of trouble. We've done that. I remember getting all my little mates together at the street. She and Bailington Street. It was like what's all the old stuff about Glasgow. It was like the gobbles. Bailington Street. 100 to them. It was a big round block. It was. I thought to myself whether I could keep the ball up. I'm 9, 8, 9. All the way round. The summer holidays. I started. I thought to myself. I said to my little mate. I said come with us. I want to see if I can keep the ball up. Bailington Street. It was massive Bailington Street. It was the size of Wembley. It started. Keeping the ball up. Getting down. Get out of the way round. Drop it. Run all the way back up. I wouldn't stop until I'd done it. It took me all the summer holidays. I remember doing it. All my mates. Shouting. Trying to put me off. I'm on the home straight. Now going up Bailington Street. I'm dropping it. Going back. Eventually done it mate. I got to the top. Folly the ball into the air. It was like Billy boy. You done it. You know what I mean. I was buzzing. I ran all the way back to that. With all my mates. I knew my dad wouldn't believe me. I said I've done it. Alls he's ever said. Getting the ball against the wall. Controlling them and me left. Forgive me all stuff like that. And then as I got to there. I was playing for a local team. Then called the Barats FC. My uncle Jobar. We was the manager. My dad played. Players like Ronnie Morgan. Bobby Boardman. This little Bobby Boardman. This little stocky fella in the middle. My dad used to watch him. He used to bow him for tackles. He was nasty on the pitch. I thought that's what I want to play like. I want to be like him. I want to get stuck in. He was shouting. He was fighting for the ball. He was doing everything. I was looking at my dad. My dad was very clever on the ball. Stuff like that. I would always be watching them. As I got to about 10. My dad's team. He used to have training on a Tuesday. In one of the local schools. In St Bridges school. By Scotland Road there. On a Tuesday night with his team. It's always like it's a game. You're too young to get up there on the wallbars. On the wallbars in the gym. You have to sit up there. Just watch. And learn and look how we keep the ball. It's not all about scoring. You've got to go back with your runners anyway. I was watching for ages. Couldn't get a game with them. I remember my uncle Jobo. Twisted his ankle in the gym. There was no one else to go on. So my dad shouted me on. He was on his. So then I'd be like. Thinking I could do what I was doing. With my own age in the school. Fucking taking everyone on. Well it wasn't like that playing with my dad. He'd just ship it in the corner. Take the ball off. I'd dribble the stack. I'd be well enough me. I'd be crying for you. Thinking fucking talking to me. Making a grunt to me. I was only a kid. So I would get home and I'd tell me. He's been fucking shouting at me. In the gym she'd be on him. They'd be a little bit of a fucking better. You know what I mean over me. But this thingy on. I'm not going no more. I'm going to someone else to go on. I'm not getting on your back. I just you know. You need to look. You need to play the game properly. Because if you want to be a footy player. You know. So then. I kept going and that with me dad. I kept getting more time. And then in the end I was sort of a regular. And the father said on the Tuesday was only 11. Me dad to all the ex pros playing with me dad. It was a good standard. And a different game. I wasn't like playing in the sleep with me mate. It was another level. It was a big level. In terms of keeping the ball. I keep the ball. Do it easy. Go with your runners. I can remember it being really hard work for me. You know what I mean. Chasing runners. It wasn't a football I've been used to. I just didn't know whether I liked this hard work. I didn't even know football. It wasn't enjoyable again. It was proper hard work. You know what I mean. I kept at it James. I was playing for the local. The local U club at the time. Tithfield Street. My uncle Chubi. Used to drag us like a little Johnny. And because of Tony. There was only a few ever Tonyans. We used to have a little Evan team. And he'd bring us to all the other U clubs on our Massey side. Liverpool and you know. We'd get the final. We'd win the odd cup and all that. We were only a small team. Madeleine Avenue as well. We went up there. We won that. And then. When I was about 12. We were moving from Scotland roll. So we were moving up to buy. I'm filled right by Liverpool's grants. I'm merely in there. City had folded. It was getting knocked down barely. Bailings and Street in the U club. It was all getting demolished at the time. So we moved away. And then. I said there's a good team there. They were training. They called the floor swallows. Why don't you go along? And joining in with them. They were a good team. They started being gone free. They won a couple of cups. So I went along to the training. I started training with them. I was always a bit Chubi. I was a kid on that. Chubi and like. I found it a bit hard. I was doing fitness in that. I was carrying a bit of weight. I started kneeling. I signed for the four swallows. I met my mate Toba. One of our all great players. Great manager John Bly. It was a proper football. We set up on that. We were dead successful. I think we won 15 trophies once in one year. And then from there. I joined. I went to the champion. Campion high school. But I didn't want to go to a champion. It was all boys' school. And there was room. There was no one in the 80s. It was full of faggots in there. It wasn't the 80s. Obviously it was not along with any gay people. It was just normal people. But in the 80s it was a big thing. My mate from my junior school. We were going to St Bridgetts. The local school. So we said to my dad. So we were all going there. He said you're not going to St Bridgetts. He said what do you mean? That's a mixed school. He said you're joking on it. He said you won't get picked for any poor school boys. He's that playful poor school boys as well. He said you won't pick it. He said everyone focus about in the mixed schools. He doesn't even have good PE lessons. Or good footy school teams. It's life for sports lad. But I wanted to go. You know what I mean? I just thought I might have gone there. So for the first week. I said to the school for my first week. I didn't go in. Campion has spoken now and tell. Lobb yn ni al pastri. I said you know what I mean? I just moved you now and tell. I didn't want to go into this campion school life. Because of what I did. And all the rooms. I might have gone to the other school. Where everyone else in Bailington Street went to this school. My sisters went. My cousins aren't went. Everyone went to this school. But I couldn't go. My dad wouldn't let me. So after a week of sagging and all. I've gone on one day. My dad said. It doesn't mean the school give you any homework. You know what I mean? I said I don't want to be in there. I said you're lying. You haven't even been in there. So that was it. It was on top. I said I've got to bring you to campion on Monday. So Monday coming. And he brought me down to campion. I met the headmaster. And the headmaster's like. He's saying to me like you know. You'll enjoy it and it's great for sport. He says I've had you there. You go to football and that. And you want to play football and that. He said well you're in the right place. He said listen to your dad and stuff like that. And then. After the fee walk me over to my form class then. My new form class. And cos of being off of the first week there. Everyone was like oh matey. There was little fame. So lads here. I knew each other and I felt it. I had meaning. I didn't know anyone. And I was the only one from Bailington City going to this campion school. They all went to St Bridges where I wanted to go. But so I'm in there anyway. And I've gone in the form class. And then I met my new mate then. Joe Bargo. Great lads from Stanley Rhodes. All his fame. He's passed away now. He's Joe's best mate. He's passed away. He's passed away a couple of years ago. God bless him. I met all of them and then. I started to crack. I didn't feel ashamed anymore. I thought you know what. Everyone being going on about the great skill. I just settled in there quick. My new mate with me. Wasn't long. I was doing great. A new Sunday league team. Of course. While I was winning all kinds. And then the school team come about. And they were right again. It was a great set up. It was great for sports and campion school. My dad was right again. Getting the school team. We had some great players in there. All went to clubs. Professional clubs. John Dool and a great mate of mine. And Duke of Zalfeller. He helped me a lot. He used to bring me and my dad to all of the pool school boys games. He used to pick us up every week. I started playing for Liverpool school boys then. Playing against like Salfords. Manchester school boys. I had a great nemesis. I called the nemesis and Ryan gigs. Ryan gigs played for Salfords. At the time I was a right midfielder. So he was a left midfielder. So me and him a clash. It's always been Salford boys. Liverpool boys in the finals. Semi finals. So me and him a clash. And if you were to ask him to dance. He was the Salfords player probably. He would probably say me. Cos I was not being funny. I used to kick him. Like nobody's business. He's the most decorated player in English football. I know why. You know what I'm saying. Ryan gigs for me was just unbelievable. But he brought the best out of me as well. You know what I mean. I'd always have a boss game. He'd have a boss game for them. But yeah, we were marking each other. You know what I mean. I've never come up against a player like him since. In all the games. Even for Evan's first team. So Liverpool boys. Same thing. We were taking me away to Ireland. Stuffed me first time. We'd go as a footballer. We'd go to Ireland. We went to France. I got to play the tournament in France. With the poor school boys. They were there as well. I got to play the tournament. Lovely big trophy. I got from there. While you are playing for the poor school boys. That's when you get noticed. I wasn't taking myself seriously. I was just having these dreams. They were wild dreams games for me to play. Wildest dreams I've ever played for Evan. Every time I shut my eyes. Same dreams. But at the time being 14. You still only know what to dream. It's a million miles away for you. I didn't think I'd actually do it. Because one for me. Wait. I'll tell you I lost the weight in a minute. It was just a bit crazy. From playing for the poor school boys. I had all the scouts coming in. I was doing well. As I said to you earlier before. I always thought coming off the pitch. I could always do better. Brilliant Billy. I was in the local papers. It was great. All the scouts from all the different clubs. Were coming in for me then. I was getting a bit serious then. Man United. With Liverpool. Evan. All the scouts. Under the scouts. Waiting for me after the game. All the time. My dad was like that. I had a little inkling then. Being around about 14. He was a good player. I believed in myself then. That's when the pennies dropped. Because of all the scouts coming. Waiting for me after the game. On penny lane. With all my boots. Everything. Trying to sign me. I said look you're signing for no one yet. You're 14. You're too young. I just wanted to sign for anyone. I wanted to sign for someone. I've been interested. A Kenny Daglish. I went into that. To have a feel to speak to Kenny Daglish. They offered me a great deal. Liverpool. I loved it. I started going to Liverpool. On a Tuesday night. So what is that? I've gone training with Evan on a Monday. Liverpool on a Tuesday. Evan on a Wednesday. I'm back to Melwood on a Thursday. I used to like them growing up. I used to like them. When I was growing up in Baleys. I had loads of fights. Playing the Liverpool lads. I used to have little games. I ate them. I didn't know what I ate them. When I got to Liverpool. Daglish, Phil Thompson, Sammy Lee. John Bennell. People like that called people. I used to think. I used to like these. I didn't. It was just growing up. I loved that Liverpool James. I really loved it. He didn't have luck after me Liverpool. He took me on a... Remember when he got beat off Wimbledon? When he jumped and all that. I travelled with the first team. On the coach of Liverpool. I was 15. I travelled downstairs in the hotel with me. With me Liverpool Tracheyon. Don't be telling anyone about that. Sorry about that. I had the Liverpool Tracheyon. I was with the squad and all. I had proper luck after me. I used to meet John outside. I gave him my ticket. I was with the lads. I gave John my ticket. I used to meet Bennell following me football. I used to go to all the games. I was all over the world. I was a couple of them. I followed me everywhere. In the summer time. In the summer I spent. Six weeks at Man United. Stays and digs up there at Man United. Say him again. Looked after me. Offered me a great deal. It was time to make my minds up now. I'm leaving school. It was time to sign for someone. I think the football. The football people. Everyone connected around Liverpool. It was amazing. Football at the time. I was a Mad Devatonian. The dreams. The Lord has just all made sense. I signed for Everton James. Signed for Everton mates. After they go by to Liverpool. Man United. Clubs like that. I just wanted to play for Everton. It was the simplest. I was dreaming about it. It was that place as I said. Was that an easy decision for you? He would have been in charge at Man United at that time. Alex Ferguson. Offered me a great deal. To be honest with you. I got the worst deal off Everton. Liverpool. What was it? Offered me a three. I had to do a year YTS with them. And then a three year professional contract. Say him at Man United. Offered me three years. A bit of security for yourself. Everton. I had to do a full two year YTS. This was in the contract. And I ate on one year prow. So did you know? Cos my family are as you know. I go up north of Elffield on the Saturday. When I'd be playing for the A team or the B team. When I was really young. And he loves it. He loves Everton. Do you think they used that as used you being a big Everton fan to then fuck you for the contract? Absolutely. I had no special treatment. I never seen our kind. I was getting dealt with by the youth development officer called Graham Smith. He was a top man. And you wouldn't see kind of all that. The kids were always kept away from the first team. You wouldn't see none of that. The way I was at Liverpool and Tyg Leish called me into Amfield to give me a brand new pair of boots. Slapped me and my dad down for an hour. The same with Alex Ferguson. But I haven't. I don't know where he was. I went through a science with the development officer. He probably already knew. I wasn't going to sign for anyone else. Dad seemed a sensible man as well. He tried to guide you the right way. Did he not try to put the blockers on it? Because he was my favourite. And he just went with the agreement. He had himself. I always wanted to say he must have knew me. Dad didn't really get in the way of it or anything like that. He just rolled with it because I was going to sign forever. Not that I was going to stop me. To be honest with me, Dad wanted me to sign for a lower league club. Someone like Oldham. Or Berry. I can remember Berry being in as well. Little club like Daddy so that I'd have a better chance of making it in the first team. I knew myself. I just knew that I had this fucking thing inside me. I was not going to stop me from making it no matter what club I was at. I was just having this burning desire. Was there a lot of hype before you made the first team debut from yourself? I was always put the pressure on myself but I love pressure. I've always loved the pressure. Especially on the pitch. I knew my stuff. I'm more fucking terrified. Now I'm doing this. I'm playing football. I'm playing from 50,000 every week. I'm sitting here with you. I'm quite nervous. No, there's never any pressure on me. It was always off for the people. I was getting told. There was rumours going on. He's going to make it. Whatever that means. Making the grades. I've never known what that means. It was just a game of football to me. No matter football is where I'm most comfortable. Whether there's 100,000 or 1,000 or two. I just love playing football. I don't care who for how I understand this. What was it like making your debut? Making me debut whatever. Oh my god. It was just a fucking dream come true. It's surreal. And I swear to you James, it's surreal mate. I think it was me what I was going to say. Making me debut. Felly bywaf yn dweud ei ddoa. Dyma rhoi y pwysiedeithio ond y pwysiedeithaeth ystod yma. Mae'n gweithio'r byw fytfeydd yma. Mae'n rhaid o laff a'r byw ffeinigau'r gwerthu'r byw. A'nợi'r byw yma ar y awdraeth, amdalol a ddweud ei ddoa, neu eisiau bod yn gyffredig draw. Mae'n gweithio'r byw fifarol, ac mae'n buddwch mewn wych. Ac mae'r byw ffeydd ddweud ei ddoa. Dy'u bod yn rwyf am gael i mi. Mae cyfu yn y bryd i'r bwysigol, dyna chi wedi bod yn gweithio'n gwrs ac mae, mae eisiau yn ymwneud, ac mae eisiau'n gweithio'n gweithio. Yn neud ei forth, fel happiest wnaeth eisiau gyda'i. yn dweud eich bwysig eich fod yn dangos. Felly, Hefyd, eich hwnnw yw… Eich hwnnw yw, hefyd, eich hwnnw, eich hwnnw.ethai swyddfa ar gyfer y cael hwnnw. Rwy'n dechrau ac rwy'n amser, d revvingerau pwysig yma. Dwi'n ddysgu rwyf i cyflinko'r blwysgolionau gyda'r ymgyrch, ychydig ddo, yn fwy o'r bwyllwch eu bod yn amddangos, eich hynny'n brif er intermediate, a hwnnw, ein bod yn ymgyrch ar y cael hwnnw. Abertydd o'r gwaith efo nid o'ch maes iawn i ti, yn cinch o'n bai'r dda. Mae'r mwyno yn 750g ac yn ymwiel, ac yn Llyfrgell. Mae'r mwyno yn neud o'r Cysfyr yw unhwygrwsio'n gweithio'n dwy'r Chyswm Gwednaf i'r ffordd. Ond yw hynny ben bod, mae oedd yn fwy yn e longernau chi. Rydw i chwm am ddifu o'r freud o'n fwy o'r cyfeirwyr. Wos yn abi yw'r ond 16, 17, a'n afgwm ar yw'r llaw o'r hoffos, nogd ond y ddw, yw'r cwm yn... O'r ffwrdd yn yw, yw'r ffwrdd yn y dweud ffyrdd, yw'r llwch, yw'r ffwrdd yn ôl i'r bai yn ôl i'r pleid. Mae yw'r seven games, yn ystod i ddechrau ymyl y cwm yn ystod... Mae r gambling ni'n rhan o'r llwch i dda? Mae rhan o'r llwch i dda, mae'n rhan o'r llwch i ddechrau y myl sydd yn maes yn y starch sydd yn fy ffordd. Mae'r crwyl yn gwneud ar ysgol i gweithio'n myfyrdd. Yn amser, mae'n rhan o'n rhan o'n gwneud ar ystod. Mae'r big game, rwyf yn olygu y seven games, dda'n wedi'n rhoi ddangos os i'r labwn ffyrdd yn rhoi ddangos. Mi rhaid i ddweud ystod o'r maes y'n blynyddo. How did they have baby man Amun? Bans, mach man Amun, bledden G jeans Бygwyr, Ichаб Wrelish� Thanks, Steve Nichol, Mach Walter Siwyls, youtube Mi chi fynd i myw'r iechyd, I ate at them, you know what I mean. It was like it was more than a footy game. It was more that it was always more than a football game to me. I ate to get a beat. It took me days getting over it. These days I've been playing for the school, playing for the swallows, playing for them. It was no different. I ate the tour to get a beat. You used to like keep me awake at night big time, honest to God. It's still today. If I've gone play a game of footy, it's okay. If I've been playing with three-year-old kids or 30-year-old kids, I'll kick anything. You know what I mean still. So anyway, the big games come around. We used to always go to the night game, that game. It was the first live Sky game on a Monday night. That, that, that, that big game. And remember we were in a hotel, they rolled up the M62 calls. What was the hotel calls? The Lodgewood Mill. The Lodgewood Mill it's called. So off the M62 they were in there anyway. So we've been in Belfield in the morning 9.10. We've gone on the coach. We've gone to the hotel. And we're having a bit of breakfast, pre-match meal in that. And we've gone for a walk. The team used to have your breakfast and you go for a walk. No walker often. And I was, I was in Colin and shouted me over. He said you're playing tonight. I thought, oh, shit. You know what I mean? But like, I think it is. I couldn't wait to get to the fucking room to follow me down. I'm playing. I'm playing. All right, lads. My dad's nervous to being gone. My dad was working at the time. He never even used to go to games to watch me and my dad. He only went to a couple of games. He went back game. The Dabby game. That night with me, man. And that was the game that just sticks out me, man. It was a great game anyway, but actually beat Liverpool. And the way we did come back from 1-0 down. It was unbelievable, lads. Unbelievable feeling. I'll never, ever. That was me three. That was it. That was it. And then I played the game. I played, I think I played the first 14 games last season. See, because he was stuffing the papers. My dad played 12 games, 11s first team. So I'd done a little side bet with my dad. He says if you play more games than maybe to have a little pounds on it. You know what I mean? A fucking pounds. Good five on that man. But anyway, he'd still do things like that. We'd still have a little pound bet. I was on a few quids at the time. It was a little pound note. It would be a little pound. And we'd still have a bet and all that. So he said if you play more first team games than me. Well, I'd done that in the first season. I played the first 14 games and my leg started hitting me. I was in for the day. They were killing me. My feet were going numb. There was no circulation. I was doing that much sign and my calves were going massive. And the skin it was in, your muscles are in like a sausage skin, yeah? And the muscle was growing but the skin wasn't. So I was in for, I needed big operations and that. So I played 14 games. So I'd been to see specialists about my legs. Yeah, you needed operations. So I think it was the last game of the season. I've been playing Southampton away. I couldn't play. I've been told of this. You need the operation. The last game of the season. So Kendall for me. I'm in the house. I'm starting to get depressed now. You know what I mean? I've never been injured in my life. I've never been injured in all my life playing football. I've been in Evans first, you know. I need a fucking operation. Big operation now as well. I need two legs. I was devastated. So I'm in the house in that. And the phone's gone. Billy, our Kendall on the phone. So it's all right. It's all right, boss. He said, look, he said, I'm going to take you in the squad tomorrow. He said, why don't you come in in that? I said, I'm in the squad. He went, yeah, he said, I'll speak to you tomorrow. He said, well, even at 10 o'clock Southampton, I'll get all you like, you going away stuff and all that. So what's all that? You know what I mean? I was like, I missed it. You know what I mean? I was fucking, it's on my head. It was just like, I was flying and then the injuries and then I was stuck in the outside team and going away. Well, anyway, he brought me with me. So we said, look, he's, he's named me a sub. I was named me a sub and I'm thinking, fuck, how the fuck am I sub? The boss, he's a lovely fella that was on his proper fucking one of us. He's a little proper scouser. He's signed. He loves scousers and he's a belter. So I was, I didn't realise in my contract it was like, if I play 15 games or more, I get an extra 25 grand. That was in my contract. I was like, no, but I was nice to my contract. I was just fucking flying and I had. I just signed the thing. But that's what was in my contract. Now I wouldn't have known about that. So what he's done hours was, he waited for two minutes to go, put me on. I couldn't run from here to you. That's how bad my legs were. And I'm still not. I'm still not. After the past, he said, do you know why I put his arm on me? I'm still thinking, why has he put me on? I couldn't run, Jamie. Legs were killing me. He said, you forgot. He said, have you looked in your, in your contract? I said, no, I said, no. He said, well, he said, that's your 15 game now. He said, go on, have a look in your contract 25 grand. He put me on for two minutes. He's on me a nice five of them. So, yeah. But it was that team, like it was, and it was Johnston, Southall. Who was I never on team that? Ian Snowden, Barry Orn, John April, Neville Southall, Andy Inchcliff, Gary Ablett, Peter Beathley. Beathley unbelievable. Unbelievable. I can remember the first day he come through the door in Belfield. The level went up, you know, as another level. It was great for me because I could play at that level, you know what I mean? What he was bringing to the table, you know? He was just fresh in the old place up. He was a proper, proper professional, mate. Every time you travel away with the Evans first team, the first thing that would be on the coach would be the ale, the lager, the wine, nothing on the way home on that. But when Peter came, he changed all that. He started bringing a fucking big kit bag, a big Asics bag, big as the table there, full like all your chicken foods and your waters. This was before anyone was even on a big bag of fruit and that. We all laughed. Look at him bringing all his scran, microwave, chicken pasta, this, that and the other fruit, but also water. He just changed it, the old thing, mate. And that's how it should have been from day one. But he was unbelievable. As a fellow as well as a person, Peter, he was just unbelievable, honest. And then what a player, what a player, man every morning in training. He'd just be doing stuff, you know. He was unbelievable, mate. Peter, Peter Beasley, magical friend, yeah. So see, after that season, bro, what was the hate for you then? Was everybody saying this kid is going to be a superstar? He's the next big thing after the six to 15 games you played? Well, it was after the derby, really. You get behind at a match at derby? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My life changed after that derby to like superstars. I was fucking like one of the Beatles in the engine, you know what I mean? Walking down the city and everyone wanted to bury me in it. And I loved it, James. I loved David and Kebab being a professional footballer. And then I absolutely loved it, mate. I loved the fame. I loved David and Kebab. Most importantly, I was playing for Everton. I was playing for Everton's first team. It was my wildest dream come true. So you can imagine. And then it was them injuries that I was going on about before that my shins, my shin splints, my calves and that. Was your contract still the same the two years and then the extra year? Or did you get a new contract? No, I didn't scrap the two years. They just gave me three contracts after my first year of ITS because it's done well, you know what I mean? And I went upstairs right after that derby game. I went from 35 pounds a week to like a few grams a week. So you were only 35 quid a week? I was on 35 pounds a week. Soon as the whistle went, I've gone in to get changed and I was said to me, you wanted upstairs, go on, congratulations. So I said, where am I going? It was like that, you know, I was not much fucking, not much settling like United or Liverpool. Everything was up in the air and everything, you know what I mean? It was like, yeah. I said, well, what stairs am I going up to? So he didn't even bring me up, you know? He just said, look, see the stairs there, go up to the director's room up there, big fucking room in Godson. And I'm knocking and I'm opening the door. There's no one in there. So I went back down and he said, did you do that? I said, there's no one up there. So he took me up out into the director's room. There's all the directors, the chairman and all that. So after that game from being on a little 35 quid a week, I was on a couple of a few grams then, you know what I mean? Or just literally as soon as the whistle had gone. So I was on a few quid then straight after that. Were you drinking or anything at that time, Beau? Well, no, no, no. The drinking started. Well, do you know what, to be honest, James? All my mates and that were all going out. They were all going out, 16, you know what you do, 16, 17, 18. I and Evan, I didn't like drinking at all. I was just into my fitness. I was boxing, saying I was playing for Evan. It didn't bother me. It didn't go out. No way, just proper fitness for that. And the girl who I was with at the time, she was a fitness instructor. So the drinking and all that, it didn't even come into it. What happened was when I got my operations, the specialist said, look, you won't be playing for six months. It's going to take, but man, your rehabilitation. So I'm looking at 12 months, so I got depressed. I didn't know what depressed was then. I didn't understand what was going on, the feelings I was getting. And I was just sad and down and fucking big scars in my legs. I have 50 stitches in that one, 50 stitches in that one. Right down machines, the two of them on crutches, wheelchair, fucking. So anyway, slipped into depression and started drinking and started going out. Only the night out, you know, on the few nights out. And now in the States and all that, this nightclub, everyone was raving about, I went there a few times. I remember being in there with all my stitches in my legs and I bumped into this like little fucking iron thing off the pillar and split all my fucking, all my stitches come out and all that, all that. I don't know all that. And then I liked it, I liked the feeling. I liked the feeling, I liked the way it made me feel. The alcohol, it's sort of like, I was always under pressure. I was under pressure and I was thinking, I'll never play again. I feel terrible. It was the first time I'd ever had an operation. I was putting weight on. I was getting depressed. I'll never play forever. And again, all that was, it was all, all negative thoughts. In my mind, the depression was going to her and that. And then the only enjoyment to go was going out. With my mates and that. I absolutely loved it. I've never been out. I'm like about 19 or nearly 20. I've never been out. I've never had a baby or nothing. I started going out with my mates, getting a few, there was always a few beds there. And I was like, blah, blah. And then I can't even remember. I can't even remember having my first line. I've always thought, when did you first start of your first line of alcohol? I can't remember. I've tried the fucking thing for years. It was obviously while I was drunk but I can't. I've never thought where it actually was. And I can't remember a tried it. And I woke up the next day feeling fucking rough as fuck. I thought, never again. My dad just was a mean, all a mean. I was just into fitness. I remember waking up on rough as fuck. And then I had to go into Belfield to get treatment because of my injuries. And then it's just snowball from there James. I started going out more. I had a few quids. I started fucking getting all kinds of female attention of beds and what not. Carrying on behind me beds back in that. And then it just went fucking from bad to worse. I was just out everything. I didn't give a fuck about it. I didn't want to play anymore to be honest with you. I'd stay off work. I'd be staying off for two days, three days. I'd have Kendall on the phone. The club on the phone. Sometimes I wasn't even in the house when they were falling on me dad. I'd be looking everywhere for me fucking, me mad. I'd have the team out looking all over the place for me. I'd just be fucking in some gaff wherever. Off me cake didn't give a fuck what was going on in the world. It was just sort of like, sort of running away from people and things and stuff, you know. I just wanted to be on my own. It was a terrible time. It was a terrible time mate. Did you know at that time, on your mind, did you think you would get it back and play again? Or were you just getting so far lost that there was no way out? Well, yeah, I thought to myself, because the other than the back of me man, the doctor saying 12 months, so I was thinking to myself, well you've got 12 months to fuck about it. Free pass. You know what I'm saying? And then I always thought to myself, you know, I'll get back. I've never been, I didn't realise, I wanted this to get fit again once you've had an operation. It's fucking absolutely made that. You don't realise that. Well, I never, anyway, I struggled. I was in this time. By the time I was supposed to be fit, I was in a fucking mess, you know what I mean? I was staying off. And then the cultures, I can remember, the cultures, the time and everything running around. Belfields, about fucking three minutes too late and I was thinking what's up with Billy and he's gone from life. I was always the hardest trainer, I was always first second in the race, you know what I mean? To come and last, couldn't breathe. I think I what's up with him, what's up with him, then the piss test coming in. Do you want today to have a piss test on that and starting the other one? I can remember being a fucking relief when I got found out, you know? Yna. Cawys admi yn, yna admi yn y Ofis. Rhaid i wneud o gwad o bryd o fe o Caern a yna hwnnw, mae admi llans i ddwy arall, gyda ychydig ac dyfodol yn hyn ymlygarau. Mae'r rhai admi yn aws eich buddyn nhw'n admi, a mae yna ddaf, a wneud i ddechrau amall yn hawd y flwyddyn yng ng -... ac ydw i'n credu ar bobl gwaith. A rhaid i ddweud mewn gwirio ar bobl o rhaid y mae'n ystod yn meddwl dwi'n ymlaen o fanaf i gyd dim. I put his arm out me and all ass, look, got me back and tried to get me back and coming in with the first team and this, that and the other and then I was a bit fag on then. I was drunk all the time and fucking wasn't turning in and all that and that's when the drugs ass started coming in and I got fans out then. And then what happened then? I went to the fucking disorders and all for me, haven't you put me in a rehab? What was that like? Oh, cellifying James was 19, 19 years of old. It was in Hale and Wimslow in Cheshire, lovely place, the priority hospital it was, but it wasn't for me, it was for fucking like, it was just wasn't for me, there was no sports psychology like there is now today, it was nothing like that, it was just like group therapy and I'm sitting there with like old people 70s, 60s, 50s, you've been hiding bottles of Scotch in the backyard. And fucking vodka all over the house and all that. Well, that wasn't me, you know what I mean? And I'm thinking, I'm saying something, look, I think I'm in the wrong place here. This is not for me, this fucking hell of something. I only go out and have a couple of days on it and then a couple of days off, you know, like Ben's thinking and all that. I didn't understand it all. It was proud. It was the wrong place for me still even today, thinking back now it was proper the wrong place. There was no, there was not on there like for young sports people or not. It's only Adam's ended up doing that thing, didn't he? Addict is on it. Addict, that's more like what I needed at the time, you know what I mean? So anyway, that was only about six, seven months after that therapy game all this was happening. That's how quick I lost the plot, that's how quick I went from ear to ear with the drinking and the depression and the drugs and that was a terrible time. E was snorting coch every day. Every time I was away, the only time I was on snorting coch at that time was when I was asleep. Honest, it got that bad. I wasn't even going out. I was just getting the deal as to my mass. Fucking having the deal of climbing up on the thing, you ought to pass me a post on it when my man and I all that was going on, when my man and I were in bed, I just locked myself in my room. Six months I was in there. Didn't come out of my room. But it was your man and I saying that thing because they must have started seeing telltale signs at something. It's my biggest depression about my mum and dad at the time. It's just a lovely couple of my man and dad. It wasn't like shouting. My dad just wouldn't speak to me and he was just devastated. My dad couldn't even go out the house because he was getting asked to bar me. I was Billy and he was sick of it. He went to my dad and had to stay in for a couple of months. My dad didn't bother going out. It affected him bad. It's terrible. So selfish and it kills me. It kills me now to think like what I'd done. It kills me mate. Absolutely so. So anyway, that's the effects of addiction though. You've got to remember the memories. You did give them the any school kid. It's not many people get to walk through it, give them some park and fucking get them any rematch in a Derby game. That's the problem with addiction. But for you to get an addiction at 19 years old shows you the power of the disease, the power of the escape. They're not the only one mate. It's absolutely an addiction mate. See when you try to get back to the football teams and I don't know once you come out. How long did you do rehab for? I've done rehab. I've done rehab in there so what happens was I've gone to put me in the pride of the evidence to get me all cleaned up and all that. But did sack me, did sack me. So what happens was I went to the, I think I was retired I'm not sure or he went somewhere else. But anyway this Mike Walker. He got the evidence job, the fella from Norwich. He got the job and being off for two weeks. I've been off for two weeks drinking and fucking carrying on like fucking George Best. Fucking Colin Arvie come the house. He said I'm picking you up in the morning. I've got to go and pick the new manager up Mike Walker. He was staying in the hotel in the city centre. So we went and got Mike Walker in the morning and like I always remember him saying to me look Billy. He said I can leave the oars to water but I can't make a drink it. I'm thinking what the fuck's he on about. I couldn't get what he was going on about to be honest with you. He didn't know me as a person. He didn't know what it being through. I mean anyone could see. I was 18. I was on fucking. I've just gone from there to there. Everyone could see something was up. You know what I mean? I'm fucking depressed to death. I was just waiting for a bit of help of someone. Never, ever come. So he's the manager. He's come in as the manager. The train for the first week. He was made up with me. I fucking put my heart and soul into it. But then I was just said he had addiction again. Soon as I started feeling all right I started drinking again. So he didn't even give me one chance at him. He just had enough. He said you've had enough chances and sack me. That was it. Sack me Mike Walker. So I was fucking devastated. Crying my eyes out. Go zone. So no matter what I got in, there's a few Premier League teams and first division teams. And all falling in the house. They all want to decide me. I'm thinking fucking hell. You know what I mean? So Terry is out of court and I live in play. He was like development office at Man City. He's fallen me out. He's fallen in the house. All right Billy is Terry. All right Terry. He said look he said Man City. He didn't want to take your updates. I played at Man City a few times forever in the years. Lovely little grounds and all that. I thought it's a bit of me at Man City. I definitely said Terry. I said well look. I've been on the phone to Brian Orton and we're going to grab you in the morning and take you up to Manchester. I said I'm a train and he said have you got your booster said? No I've left the morning. Don't worry about it. We'll get your booster said all right. So I'm waiting there. In the morning I'm going to Man City. I was made up telling me my luck. I'm going to Man City now girl. I'll sort it out. I'll get me out together. I'm going to Man City. So I'm waiting for Terry to pick me up the phone goes. Billy is Terry. He said oh you can't come to Man City. I said why you was what you mean? He said Devon I'm on a million pound for you. I said have you just slapped me haven't you? He said yeah but he's still owed you registration. He said can't you? Not amazing or all that. Man I was devastated or what the fuck. And then I'm starting to think then oh they must want me back you know what I mean. I knew I was going into this fucking this rehab and all that. So anyway Colin Alfie was coming up and poor power to throw me in the rehab and in the priority. So then Colin come up one morning. He said I need to speak to you and all that. That's when he told me. He said look you're going to hold him. I had no sign of the matter. No signing on fee but they're going to like give me the same couple of Bob I've been getting out of heaven so it all makes sense. He said you're oil. He said you'll love him. He's one of my best mates. This is Colin. It's just a Colin Alfie. Lovely fella Colin. One of the best fellas in football for me and him. He said you'll love Joe Bill. He said honest to God you couldn't be going to the better fucking club honest to God lad. So I said sound hold him to this then. I just wanted to get back playing there. They were in the low division but they had a great grand, great fan base. And I went up there. Joe Royal picked me up on my last day in the rehab and I flew to Rosalow with him to meet the first team. They were all ready there to go to chat with Joe and I loved him straight away. I looked after me. I ended up buying out and holding. I went up there bought an out and holding. Right at the top of Barns. You can't know me and me and Bairdor. Bairdor is with us at the time. She's so so so I've been in the rehab. I've been in Oldsham. I was doing well. I was getting on the matches up there. Me and me and Bairdor bought an out and now. Nice out and now. She even got a work change from Liverpool up and up to Oldsham. She worked for BT at the time. The Bairdor was with. And that lasted about a year. Stay sober for a year. Doing it as well. Oh man, there was this fucking booze. There was this pub change. It must have been the oldest pub in Great Britain. I know the oldest pub in Great Britain is in Glasgow, isn't it? Because we're being outside a little bit of a little hole in the post being there. There's not many fucking booze there. I haven't been to be honest. This fucking pub, I think it was called the White House or something. Stinking. And for some reason, that's every time I pull into my estate, I clock this. I didn't even know when it was open. This is addiction for you. It's playing already. Playing on my mind. You've done well. Now you're fucking your back on your feet going to have a pint. This is what the old thing on the shoulder is telling me. I'm having a mess with myself every day. You can't. You can't. You're going to throw all this away. And all the people who've fucking helped you, Bill, your mum and dad, know I'm talking to myself out loud all the time. Molise Bah, I'm like my mum and dad, you know. I can't put my family through this again mate. There's not a chance any. I've battled with James or the bar. Most of the time, you know. I've been there for a couple of months anyway, but as you remember, when I came back to Liverpool, she went to stay in the Mars one night. And I thought, like, bang, there it is. There's my cheque back on my head then. I awas relapsu ond mynd in ond because I just come out of rehab and they were telling me all I'm bought this one's too many of thousands never enough But your daughter will be alright Cudd deal dressing there's you need know my There you go I had that one drink and I'll tell you what Mesa 3000 wasn't enough Cos from there I just went down the same slope quicker faster quicker. I fynd i ddim yn rwyf. Rwy'n credu i gael eu gwaith yma. Dan oedd hyn oedd y clywbenderau. Cyngor a ond, so hefyd, mae'r rhagref wedi gynnun hefyd. Gall, mae'r busf, mae'r gweithio'r busf. Yn Yn Llywodraeth Cymru, yn agoedd clywb yn ymateb, a fe yna yn ball, mae ddych chi'n gael Peirlo, Neall Nor, Eyn Snowden, a'r beth ac yn lawer, a hefyd, mae'n cael beth yna'n bydd yn Rhywunion, ..y'r ffordd cymdeithas, mae'r gynch yn ddod... ..esti'r sgwyd bachol, mae'n hyn oherwydd ni'n golygu. Felly i gyd yn fydd. Mae'r gwahanol o'i bachol, mae'n pob arall ond fel ffag. Mae'n ganddyn iawn i gyd yn rhaniaith. Mae'r ganddyn iheitho mor reliable fel mae'r ganddyn ni. Mae'r ganddyn iheithio am y gorydd y tro. Mae'r ynmug yn ddod wedi chi ddaw. Mae'r ganddyn iheithio arwag kymreig... ..od yn ddod yn sylwgr unig. Cogelwch yn eviwe ffordd, stai'n up, wasn'n going up to training, didn't go to me out for about two months, didn't go finish with it and I go up to me out and I had to remember them all phones with the little tape recorders in and I pressed play all the time, it'd be sharp, it'd be in the Scottish accent, pal, come in pal, you know the man has fucking all that, me and Nick Henry had a good relationship in the middle and we was doing well together. It was just that relapse again, having that one bevy again, taking my eye off the ball, thinking you could do it all and forgetting about what I've been through, selfish again, addiction again for you and just bang right back on that slope, couldn't believe it mate, absolutely couldn't believe it. And I couldn't remember Shabby and Colin fucking, you know, he wasn't happy with me in that and I thought to myself, do you know what before, I can't honestly go to James, I thought to myself, do you know what before, I didn't want to do Shabby's, he's only just got the manager's job, he was putting a little team together and I was staying off work, no proper fucking doing as I did and Colin wasn't happy. And I thought to myself, before it goes any further, I'm retiring, how about that, to myself, I thought you fucked it again, you're doing everyone's head in the round, my family, everyone who cares about me, so do you know what lad, I'm retiring and it is, I retired, I was 21. I've had enough James, I thought, it wasn't just so much for me, it was the people around me, I was letting them down, left right centre didn't mean to, it was the last thing I wanted to do was let me fucking ma, put my ma, my dad down, all my managers, everyone who put any fucking Colin Shabby, everyone who put it out just felt so well I'm going to let them all down again and I'm going to go through all that again, so I just went home. I said to me, you know what mum? I said I'm not going to, me mum I wasn't asked, me mum I wasn't bothered, she just wanted me normal, she wanted me a lot of back, you know what I mean? I said look, I'm not going to play no more, me dad said start it lad, I said that's it, he said start, give me a big hug and that was it. I just thought I can't produce all through all this, can't keep up with all, you know what I mean? Because with the injuries and everything else, it was fucking tough, you know what I mean? It's a tough life being a football game, it's not easy, you've got to sacrifice and I mean everything to succeed. And I did it in the beginning and as I said there's just letting too many people down all the time. So I just walked out on holes and walked out, left me out, left everything I just walked, come right back to Liverpool and went right round the bends again. Just proper round the bends, I was going out, staying out, all kinds of different drugs, actually tablets, fucking trips. Cog, you name it man, and I just wasn't going home, I was just, I can always remember myself saying well look, you've made this bed now lad, you need to, you're going to like line it, you know what I mean? You have a surseid o bow? Sorry? You have a surseid o? It's hard to take my life, fucking other story James, it's hard enough mate, I got in my mares one night, I've been on the fucking 3D bends, proper coke bends, fucking, oh man, coming down off, I've got to my mares, they were getting fed up with me now, they were just about letting me in, the house I was knocking on, all those different girls all the time in my mares house, these had enough of me, so getting this, my mares letting me in, it's about fucking 4 o'clock in the morning, she's gone back to bed me man, and I thought I was a fucking moth back, cause cotton stops, cotton cocaine, cotton as much as I wanted to, it just, it just ends up on it, the time I got bored or any time I found when you're coming out, I was fucking off, I was out, I was on it, and I was sick of it, so I've gone in there, and my mares had this like cubby all, like the lechi cubby, and it was just cos my mares, my mares sisters and all that, they were all ill, no one in for see me and the smoking and all that, so this cubby was actually jocke, with different tablets, for breathing, for fucking all kinds for the chest, a lot, I've gone in there off my cake one morning, 4 o'clock my mares has gone to bed me at every tablet, and my mares had a commotion on one of me, she comes out, she's screaming what the fuck off you don't build, she's shouting me that up now, fucking next minute, this is paramedics at the door, they've took me, and my chest is getting pumped in the royal air, they gave me fucking, they gave me, they gave me, they made me drink this chagal, chagal, to flush every thing out, and the like it sort of goes into the, like a brick inside of this chagal, and drags, you have a poo, and it's like a brick, like it's fucking better to baby calf, so to flush you're all out and all that, so done all that, just absolutely terrible times lad. Rhaid, oedd oes hynny, rhoda'n ddod o'r ddochtyn a roi fod yn rhywbeth efo'r anodd a hwnnw i'r hoffi, bod hefyd yn yr ystod yn gallu ddaidd am y tu hynny, dwi wedi gweud eu cyntaf â'r ddod o'r ddod o'r ddod o'r ddod o'r ddod o'r ddod o'r ddod o'r ddod o'r ddod o'r ddod o'r ddod o'r ddod o'r ddod o'r ddod o'r ddod y diwyd. Yn mynd i gael y mynd i ddis. Yn gyf Pom Ddeschynol y mynd yn y dweud o ran fod yn i'ch fan dda. Dwi'n gweld môl efallai o gyntafu. Rydyn ni ddim ynwys i'n meddwl ychwanegu i'r reilyd cyfwyr. Ac mae'n gwnaeth yma yn mynd i gael ychwanegu. It was a big cry for help mate, but I'd rarely had enough man that's where the cocaine takes you it brings your diannise mates down you know. On over the last 20 years, bro, once you retired, do you feel like a failure as well that you never succeeded to the heights that everybody knew you could believe because what's that quote? I read a quote, I think, you were on a shop, it says to the guy in the shop, do you know who I am? a that guy says no but I know who you could have been or he says yes but I know who you could have been it's your name beside the quote It was fucking deep man like you were arguing with him Every day every day is the same over the last two or three years mates there's not a day that hasn't gone back that I've regretted not like because I wanted to win teams forever I wanted to win the FA Cup I wanted to beat Liverpool at Wembley I wanted to play for England I got England caps at 121 levels I wanted to play in European Championships, just like Gerard, Runi, Garagheron, Mach Manemann. I made him into my school, Steve, he's one of my good mates. So I wanted to do all that, you know what I mean? So I've got made the regrets, I've got 100 regrets and that's one of my biggest ones. I wanted to win all kinds forever and I wanted to be like Kevin McCliff. I wanted to win stuff man. I wanted them European nights when I used to watch them. Everton playing rap in Vienna and all that. My life is just being full of regret to me to be honest with you. Do you think Everton could have done more for you? So my thing with Everton is I should have just stopped the time. There was a bad drinking culture and football in the 90s. Every club you go to there was drinkers, there was players lounge where you go for the drink. But Everton was another matter. It was more than just the fucking thing. I noticed the spectre hours and that, but I would love to bevy, didn't I? And if you were in the first team, you'd have to have a bevy. You couldn't just go and drink at Orange. You know, it's already been warned about that or you wouldn't like you if you fucking... I was just thinking of Black Hunts and Lemonade the first few times I went out with the first team. And I think it was Dave Watson who was only messing. I put it stuck in my head. He said, oh, he won't like you. You better have a fucking shanty. I think I better have a fucking shanty. You know what I mean? Everywhere, every other week, we'd be going somewhere, like a funeral, one of the event directors, loads of booze. I remember playing away somewhere and we were on our way home from... I think it was fucking Spare's, but it just plays away. And we've come off the motorway on the... What's it called? Up in fucking... Well, we wasn't in the M62 anyway, it was the other way by Ainty. We were coming through that way. And I'm thinking, where the fuck are we going? We were going to the opening night of a nightclub in Liverpool. One o'clock in the morning we turned up all the evidence and then our trackies, all VIPs off. It was just stuff like that. It wouldn't happen today. You know what I mean? It was all... It was drink, drink, drink, you know what I mean? He loved the bevy, he loved all the teams. To have a bevy, he fucking... It was one of them, I just wanted to be one of the lads, you know what I mean? Peer pressure. Peer pressure, that fucking... So I have been... I'm still bitter today about it because it just sort of left me out of it, you know? Being 18. You know, it's just being left out of the booze and being 18. That's me now, as a 48-year-old soul bit. Then come back on my life and my career. Just a kid as well. 21, 21, even when you're tired, was it still on your mind that I'm going to come back? I was just made out of your mind. Yeah, I'd always had loads of time. No, when I actually made my mind up then, that was it. I really believed I wasn't going to play. I didn't play, I didn't play for years. I went to parties. I know it's all the drugs. I've been everywhere. The lads and all my mates were doing well on that. And we'd be all over the I.B. There's fucking, yeah... Thailand for me in parties, Vegas. We've been absolutely everywhere, but I can't remember a thing because I was just starting the band. On the drugs, I wouldn't go nowhere, but I was a bit of Charlie, you know what I mean? Do you think a lot of people used you, though, because the superstardom that you had at that season and then everybody wanted a piece of you giving you free booze, free Charlie, free everything? Yeah, yeah, yeah, all that. You get all that when you're in the spotlight. You get everything free. It's all freak-hawking. People want to be with you and have a lime with you and all that. You know what I mean? I've just been getting dragged in toilets in Liverpool for 25 years because I have a lime with people, you know what I mean? Be made up on that. I don't know who he's going to tell tomorrow if I'm snorting that snout with Billy Kenny and who all that was going on anyway, boo. As I said, I was fucking on the bench. I was out, I was drunk, and all kinds of that, mate. It's proper. We always live the regret, especially with addictions, but I know your dad was a big part of your life. What age did your dad pass away, boo? No, my dad's still here. My mum passed away. My mum died about eight years ago. It's just mad me, cos all that time when she was alive, I tried to get my head together. I tried to stop drinking. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it, not even for my mother, not even for myself. I was drinking and partying, and being out on a bout and fucking the drinking mate. I can remember one time getting listened to this game, but I always used to go to the pub in Liverpool called the Canfields. I met my uncle Rocky, he worked in town on the stalls, and he used to get off the bus life facing the Canfields 10 to 6 every night, and I'd have him a pint there. I'd always promised myself not to have any tea, but Rocky never had. I was trying to wrap myself around people who didn't fuck with me. I was trying to be like wrap myself around people who didn't have drugs and all that time, so Rocky was perfect, he was death funny. I loved Rocky. He's passed away now, bless him. So one night the bar girls gon come on, it builds Rocky, it's half ten, the nice last doors is whatever, and I've gone like that fucking elm time for the fucking line, you don't know what I mean, so I get on the charlie. So I did the phone, some I got some, and then I'm getting some of the booze and all, so I've got on my phone, like that and all fucking bitch numbers come up on my phone. I won't mention any, because I'm gonna fucking bitch, so phones are sort of like it. Who's that ass of this Billy? Fucking hell, you're gonna be amazed. So when you find out where I am, anyway long story short, he was only a madem for a fucking class prostitute fucking place in Southport. So I've gone there fucking elm to stay before I put the phones on so I'll be there, now bang got a taxi to Southport getting there, and I'm in there charlie, fucking bitch everywhere, fuck all on big fridge, loads of ale, saw me in there, now partying and there's a Scottish lad in the corner and my phone's gone and it's me mate from Tenerife Foxy his name was so I've said oh I fucks so the little jock in the corner's gone bala, is that Foxy from the sunny side? I said oh you won't know him lad I said just me mate, he went no way he said is he no thingy o lad so I've said oh hang on some Scottish lad won't you there one thing lends to the another this Scottish lad said to me do you fancy coming to Glasgow with me I've been out for two nights now don't forget he only went to fucking the local in Amfields I'm in Southport now so the next minute long story short I've ended up in the back of a fiesta with this lunatic going to Glasgow snorting her plums off all the way up the M6 James and he went out for the fucking pint buying me a mass I'm in Glasgow now so we've got to buy Glasgow green there's a booze on all that so it goes with this lad's O's he's name it's a bit of a thing your O's fells name it's one of the two murders in Scotland at the time and I didn't know this so we've got to some booze in Glasgow pubs know them all windows with the metal going through them you can just see outlines and I've seen them out in the doorstep this kids who went with and this fucking mate are going on you know what I mean and I'm just paranoid at me bro I'm paranoid I'm just going on here he comes back in he goes Bill come on let's get off on the last flight said tomorrow's you what the fuck where are my boys bro I'm here what am I doing here he said no he said that cheeky cunt says he's just put two in my head and I'm dead in Liverpool and I've come all the way I said so you've brought me all the way I said you know what I mean that's where the charlies and the drink used to bring me as far as Glasgow when I go out on a be out for a week two weeks James proper fucking off me barny anyway I go anyway that was one of my madest nights that on the air lensing up in Glasgow and I went to the fucking boozer in Anfield how was it for the 25 years when you're tired and you were on the sniff in the booze terrible terrible terrible I mean if you asked anyone he said he's had a laugh I thought I always have a laugh but deep inside when it be on my own it kill me it's still today it kills me what what what what what happened to me and what has thrown away you know what I mean but he was a part of me that like just just at them times what I've just spoke about when I am 18 19 and being 11 I always thought if it was winter's another club so my some differences about them do you know what I mean because that's when I really started really drinking when I got in evidence first team so for the last 25 years a fucking sort of battles were proper mental health issues bad depression off the scale it's been a rendus absolutely a rendus but in that time as well I had I had three kids I've got three kids mate Peggy's 21 now Connors 16 and Freddy's 18 they're all doing alright what I said to myself was well all this was going on the least you can do Bill is be a good dad to the kids and that's what I have not been a great dad you know what I mean I got father a year every year honest to God and that makes me happy my land's on the road I've raised all my kids myself well obviously with the Mars I've done a great job as well so that's off to them but I'm really close now I've got a few I can count my mates now in my land you know what I mean I've got a good bunch of mates in army my girlfriend's lovely so things like I've got a couple of business interests in the pipeline nowadays I'm waiting to go into a few schools so after all the ups and downs I think my life's sort of going a bit better going a bit better James but it's been absolutely horrendous psychiatrist rehabs I went to another rehab 10 years ago my family paid for me to go to a rehab in Johannesburg and that was about 12-13 years ago that was and I've been clean now for the bar well I used that program it was a very good program up there it's all been addicts it's all been with nothing else so they knew the score it was very powerful the program out there and I used that program now and I've been clean now after cooking since my mother's eyes it was 8 years ago I've had a couple of babies I've had an old Charlie I've had a couple of Guinness so hopefully the corner is for me you know what was the moment for you to really go right to get my shit together obviously we get hundreds and hundreds of chances thousands of chances but there's always that moment you go right to make changes you know what it was James it was a mixture of stuff it was like when my mum died as I said to you before my mum died it was in the camp fields we had a drink no the way you buried him and he'd go back and have a baby cos of it and all that it was in there all my mates were there he was under today and it was great in there and being out my mum had been sick for a few years so when she was really bad I was out for two weeks all no kick, no fuck all didn't give a fuck my mum was dying and when we buried her that night I just for some how I put my drink down on the bar and I walked out I walked out and said to my bed it wasn't enough and I never touched a drink for eight years no rehab no counselling no fuck all I blame my mum it must have been cos I tried all my life to do and it just come just as enough I couldn't put my finger on what made me do it or I was on it I just couldn't tell you that I just think it was my mum the only excuse I could come up with cos if it didn't I wouldn't be sitting here and out with you but that way I was in a terrible state when my mum I was dying eight years ago I was dying myself I wasn't asked whether I lived or died to be honest with you and my kids you grow up as well don't you my kids as adults now they've never seen me on drugs cos they were only young you know what I mean so for the last eight years I've been cleaning and I'll tell you what man it's been it's been something I've made it's ruined my life the drugs has ruined my life you know the alcohol drugs ruined your life what are your plans moving forward for the future my plans now for the future is first and foremost to stay clean and sober James and I've got as I said I've got a couple of business interests coming up on that and I'm just waiting to my mate some fellas being on me about the mental health now he wants me to go into the he's just waiting for the thumbs up on 50 schools I can go into speak to I'm just gonna I should have done it years ago but obviously I was still using and like I've got a lot of experience in terms of mental health and I need to get to these school kids and get my story and my point to these school kids because they need it because we're losing generations of kids and talent as well and talent it's just going down the swan picking that first spliff up or having a bit of peer pressure off your mate on that and it's going to be as easy as that it can just be as easy as that start off with the old spliff doesn't it or the siggy you know you see your mate over there buying siggies when you're in school and all that you want to be one of the boys and all that then they should be finished now you know and so that's the roles I want to go on I want to just give a big a big back it's over to you like but I'm lesy I'm lesy I'm strong enough I'm up for it I can't wait to get cracking on it you know that's a good thing what about getting a book out documentary well I'm doing a book now it's funny as you mentioned that James don't know how long it's going to be like because every time I do a couple of lines I'm fucking snort I've got a little author on board Andy Nichols he's a great lad he's done a few books now and we're just trying to do something I've been writing a book since Christmas last year and it's taking its time but there's so much to write James there's just so much bollocks that's gone on and it's my last throw of the dice really and I want it writing on me so when it's ready it's ready so the thing is there's no like thing you want to put I think it'll do well and that's the part of the story I want to get across to these kids like look what happened to me you know what I mean it's all different the little different things getting your life on that and you've got to be strong mate and listen to your the best advice I can give these kids is to listen to your parents you aren't that that sounds off your mum, your dad, your sisters your brothers and that's it mate and that's it that's the best advice listen to it and your mum your mum's always right for anybody that's maybe battling my addiction just now boll what advice would you give for them addiction just fine there's always someone on the ends of the phone there if you're struggling going through a bad time you need to like you need to first and foremost don't keep it in don't fucking bottle it up and all that because it will be too late you need to speak to someone and oh dad because the worst thing is as well when you're using it it's to talk about it and to tell anyone I've just had a line or I'm still drinking and I'm doing all this you don't want to tell no one that and if you don't you're still shuffling you'll just sit there and shuffling so you need to get out, get into these meetings speak to someone and take it from there mate them meetings help as well the AI meetings and the CA meetings and that I've done a few with them down they do help you and just don't pick that face befio up that face spliff that face line because you'll need the thousands you'll need the thousands mate and it'll bring you exactly to the same places before to your knees jail fucking being to jail as well and it's up in jail for driving drink driving drink driving mate, honest to God and that's the life it brings you mate you don't have to go out and drink and to enjoy yourself and you just find that out now for all the eight years I've had you know what I mean but it's experience that's something I can tell the kids you know you're supposed to enjoy yourself I mean some people like having a baby and it doesn't fucking doesn't ruin your life you know but addiction if you say it'll grab fucking one hour of ten people and that'll happen to be me it's just getting a place to be it'll grab me you know what I mean but as I said if I can help a couple of kids from going to my road then I'll be happy you've got a life experience but like I say you still played forever and your dreams did come true yes you fucking hurt the obstacles and the wobbles along the way but you're not dead man you can learn from your life experiences to then help other people which is an amazing thing going round schools, going and speak to the kids that play football to get an addiction at 19 you've got the world at your feet to then get an addiction at 19 shows you that there's no age limits to when the disease can kick in where you're fucking you're bang on it there's right I've got a lot to tell these kids and I just can't wait to get cracking mate cos it's a terrible thing addiction and in this country I don't think they're doing it I don't think they're on it James you go to doctors mate the only know what they've read up on do you know what I mean the fucking I had to go to South Africa I could relate to someone someone talking to me and I think you've been an addict and that's where I had to go and this NHS in this country or these doctors they have and stays out and snort a cocaine for two days not one of them you know what I mean they've never fucking had been on a bender these doctors and now these psychiatrists and all that they just haven't done it they just know what they've read up at the feelings you get and the anxieties and all that and the fucking the addictions and through your head they don't know they just say right what's up we're okay we'll prescribe you down we'll need down but you're in a good place now feeling better I'm in a better place now it's the best of felt for a few years now James after losing me mate it took me ages getting over that I still think about it every day but yeah I'm positive I'm waking up positive I've got stuff on I've got a mean and I've got something to do now I've got something to give back in this life now and I'm excited about it it's like making me debut again can't wait to help people out you know and I swear to God man I'm going to give it to them like proper raw mate and that's it is what you're not supposed to do you need to listen mate and drum it into these kids man even the ones that don't listen because they're the ones that ends up fucking on it the ones who are not listening to you like I say you've got the life experience it's just a new chapter your life and for anybody that's watching you get involved with Bill as well maybe take them round schools man and speak to the kids but coming on in day and telling your story brother I've enjoyed that how you feeling about it I'm feeling absolutely relieved it's all over now bro can I give a big shout out to you of course you can do you have to keep me mate there with the sands of the peanuts the quality gear just go in and say jockey billy sent me and you got down for the 10er how's that jockey