 Thank you so much for being part of this conversation today. This is Y254. Thank you for being part of this station. Thank you for tuning in. From wherever you are watching us from, my name is Ram Maguko. As always, it is a pleasure being with you each and every Thursday. This is Power Talk. Welcome once again. Today we have a lot in store for you in our conversation. Today we are coming to you live from the broadcasting house in Nairobi, Kenya. We are also live on our website at www.kbc.co.ke4 slash y254. Head over to Facebook also. On our Facebook page, you've posted a question there in regards to our conversation. I've already seen so many people already starting to send in their comments on our page. Drop in your comments on the comments section below. At Y254 on Facebook, on Twitter, at Y254 channel. My handle is at Ram Maguko. The station handle is at Y254 channel. The hashtag is Power Talk Show. Thank you so much for being part of this. Well, let's get this show going today. We have a conversation in regards to what to look out for when it comes to a family man. Remember, it's all about finding out Mr. Right and Mrs. Right. Do they exist? Are they there? What do you look out for when it comes to a woman finding out that wife material? What immaterial wife material? No material gani. Behavioral characteristics. The characters that you may look for in our man. If you are a man, what do you look for? If you are a woman, what do you look for in a partner? Is it money? Is it the physical looks? Is it the behavioral patterns that they have? What do you look for? Well, to help us in this conversation, I'm joined with the Margaret. She is Margaret Milimu Naktia. Karibusana Magin. Thank you. Magdaline, sorry. Thank you so much for finding time today. Thank you so much for having me. Ukosalamu. Nikupua Kabyusana. Ya. Uta tome, ono taka nini kumanoome. Inna bit. Oh, oh, plenty, plenty. I'm also joined in the studio by Eric Joroghe. He is a youth leader. Karibusana Eric. Kabyusana. Ukosalamu. First time to have you on the show. Yes. Feeling good? It's a pleasure. Asante sana. Keep tweeting, keep texting. Hashtag is a power talk show on Facebook, on Twitter, at Ram Maguko. And that's why I do have a channel. Tell us, what do you look out for in a man? Remember, even in this conversation, there's some people who are also trying to ask that, is it that you're looking for the carers of a five million man in terms of manome a kikukujiya? How will you know that he is a family manuel? Well, no, that's not quite the conversation. It's about what do you look out for when you're looking for the carter of a family guy that you can say that huyu niwakwishi. People say that huyu, that all belongs to the streets. How can you know the difference between the person who belongs in a family setting, a family guy, and a person who belongs in the streets? Let's keep this conversation going. Let me start with Magi. Mesa mawewe, a kubalema vitumigia apu ivenye tumesa man. Um, tell me, in anarchia, your thoughts about this, the carers of a family man? Uh, I think what I would perceive as something that is a priority to me with regards to a man, the characteristics I look out for with regards to a family man are not necessarily the same with person B because we have different desires that we need and they are met differently. Maybe I am a believer and all I want is a man that speaks in tongues, you know? Ode rabashantas. Yes, yes. Or maybe I just, or maybe I would think that a tattoo is a red flag, someone else wouldn't mind that. So it's something that varies from one person to another. That's according to me. According to you, it varies. And would you say that as a person that if I see this, then it's a red flag? Are there those things that if you notice that will be indicators that this person isn't someone that you can stay with? I wouldn't want to stereotype people based on their appearance because maybe it could be part of something that was a face maybe because you cannot do something like a tattoo, you know? So maybe that was a face in their life. So I wouldn't judge someone based on what they have on their body or their hair or something like that. What would you do? Mostly I judge people based on their thinking patterns. So thinking, the thinking pattern is what actually advises? Yes, the thinking pattern to me is usually the one thing that raises the red flags. You know, this person is someone that I could be around with. This is someone that I could grow with. This is someone that will waste my time. This is someone that will waste my life. And you can actually tell, at 10 minute conversation with someone, you can actually tell their thought process and if maybe there'd be anything meaningful between the two of you. Okay, yes. Eric Karabusana. Asante. Uh, waifu material kwa koni impleina gani. What are the signs, let me say, signs and symptoms of waifu material? Well, kuna, there are those that are basic, that are even, you'll find them even in religious books, you know, the respect and all that and all that. But also, I somehow agree with her that the thinking process is very important, but to me, apart from the thinking process, I would like to see the behavior. Because you can think this way and behave this way. But so to me, what is most, how are you? Because if I'm going tomorrow, we do every day from morning to evening, so how are you? When we have problems, how are you behaving? When we are happy, how are you behaving? Because that is what I will be seeing. Are there any flags that if you notice, they tell you who you mstiana, how you mstiana. They are there, of course, they are there. Well, also that one, I would not like to base on my, because there are people who can't take it. So tell me yours. Yes, we want to know. I want to know each one of yours, Magda and Eric. If you look at, kuna sewa mimi, who you mstiana, siwazi shinae. Kamanda fanya hi siwazi. Even if I loved you so much, once you do this, ex. For me, the very first thing is someone who shouts. I don't like it. You know, it builds up your anger also as a man. And also, some of them will not even realize that you are in public. I know you have met such people. You have a problem, but she is all over. Everybody has to know that you have a problem, whether you are in public or not. For me, I think that is one of the biggest red flags for me. Okay, yes. Kelele. My biggest, biggest red flag is a man that lies. Like it's such a tunnel for me. I get so angry, because I usually feel like umeni beba, yanumuna mi nifala, adinesengia boksia kituna nisho. Yeah, so I think I can tolerate a lot, but when it comes to someone who is a liar, I don't think I can deal with that. To me, that's like the most, that's the biggest red flag. I have so much appreciation for people who will tell you, you know, this is the package that I'm bringing in front of you. This is me. You can either take it or leave it. I have so much respect for such a person than a person that would present something that they aren't. Okay, ladies and gentlemen, I want us to look at a few things that most people normally say, that if I look at X, Y, Z, then that is the character of a husband material or a wife material. Today we're talking as youths. Let's talk as youths in our level. You know, at our level, I mean, what is it that you look for? You look out when it comes to a husband or a wife. Do you get advice from parents in regards to what you should be looking out for? Do you get advice from friends and relatives and religious leaders? Does that affect the things you look out for? What is it that you look out for? The hashtag is part of the show. Make sure that you head over to Facebook, by the way. And we have posted a question there on our Facebook page. The comment of the comment session below and we will read a few of those as we continue this conversation. Now, as I said, I want to mention a few characters. One, cooking. Jamana Semati, I want someone who is an excellent cook. A lady will say, a man should be able to cook. I want a man who can cook that in this age and time, men should not cook. A guy like XYZ or Eric here doesn't know how to cook. The best thing I can do is to make a living out of it. I want to make a living out of it and make a living out of it. I want to make a living out of it. Eric, let me come to you. What is the perspective of cooking? I don't know what you are saying. I don't know how to cook. You can come for now. But the way you cook is very sweet. It is not cooked. I don't know. But I don't know how to cook. But I don't know how to cook. I don't know how to cook. But I don't know how to cook. Cooking, for most men, I would speak for most kids, it is a good thing. It is a good feeling. When you have a wife or a girlfriend as payudes for now, who knows how to cook? You enjoy the food. This is my woman's cooking. I enjoy it. But again, she might not be knowing how to cook according to the level that you expect. But the thing is, she is willing to learn. But now that... This is the challenge here. That her cooking strategies will also be analysed by your parent, your mother. So, you will be able to cook according to the level that you expect. For me, this is my wife. Because this person, you are not taking her to your parents. If she is satisfying to me, then the rest... I don't know, maybe she will cook only a few times from now till we are going to my parents home. But as for me, am I satisfied? If I am satisfied, then the rest can cook at their homes. But you want a woman who can cook? Yes, I would. But you can't cook? Well, I can never say never. But for now, bad. But I can never say never. I am also willing to change and learn. Maybe as time goes by, but for now, bad. I think that those defined gender roles, let's just say the truth. Where we were in Africa, who are we? We are Africans. Yeah. So, an African woman should at least know her way around the kitchen. And I am saying this with a lot of humility and love. Maybe feminists will come at me. I am an anti-feminist. I think the entire feminism, the entire body is a scum. Lying to young women out here, food has always, will forever be. And I mentioned this the last time I was here. You can use food to actually ease yourself through a lot in a relationship. You can use food as a weapon, as a woman. To solve problems. Exactly. How? So, at least know your way around the kitchen. Know his favorite meal. Know when you've acted up in the morning, in the evening, prepare something nice for him to eat. I'm not saying that women are meant to be confined in the kitchen. I'm just saying that we are Africans and therefore we, this is who we are. This is how we've been raised. A woman. You don't support feminism. I do not support feminism at all. At all. So, does the woman belong in the kitchen? I'm not saying that the woman belongs in the kitchen. What is feminism? That I would say I must not know how to cook because if a guy doesn't know how to cook why should I know how to cook? You know, things like that. They're just misplaced. We grew up in homes that our mothers prepared meals for us and with us as girls growing up. So, but that's not withstanding. I think it varies from one person to another. What they would want with regards to as far as cooking is concerned. You'll meet, I've met a man that said I'm not marrying a chef, I'm marrying a wife and I've met a man that said cooking is everything for me. So, that would also vary and it's mostly based on how we were raised. So, if maybe I was raised to, a guy was raised to know that my mum made very nice meals and she made the house feel so homely. Maybe he would want that for his children as well. So, would you say for either gender, for either man or woman, does cooking make a family man? For me, I wouldn't go for someone who knows how to cook that well. Yes, because that would mean the bar has been set so high, you know. If he knows how to cook, how do I impress him? This guy knows everything. Like, when it regards to a man, I do not go for perfection. I go for, let's meet somewhere there in between. A man who doesn't know how to cook or isn't that clean, that organized, will actually appreciate you when you get into his life and organize it. So, for someone like Eric? Yes, Eric checks that box for me. He should do much more for him. Eric, you feel proud? He's talking exactly what I'm looking for also. Because when you look at this man most of the time, when a man knows how to cook so well or a man is so clean, normally he doesn't even know how to cook in the relationship. With regards, I don't know, I don't understand what it is. But when a man is clean and he can organize his space and things like that, it becomes an issue when you like move in together, he starts feeling like you're invading his initially very organized space. But the same doesn't happen when a woman is clean and is organized. But you see, when a man... I don't know you. I don't know you. That's the thing with a man. If a man really knows how to cook, he takes a lot of maturity for him to be okay with you and keep it as a chumviki to go kwa chakula. Because he will notice? He knows these things, he's like, I can do it. No, I don't know, but I feel like when a man knows those things so well, personally, I feel like when a man knows those things so well, the relationship is just difficult. So you wouldn't date a man who can cook? I wouldn't date a chef. Ladies outside there, can you be subscribed to what Magda is saying? Can you date a chef? Someone or will you go for someone like Eric who has no clue about the kitchen and he will boil that water to perfection? Will you date someone who can cook or someone who cannot cook? What makes a family man or a family woman? When it comes to cooking still, there is this challenge that normally some couples or most couples face that their cooking is put in comparison with someone else's cooking. Then you say that who you, if it's a man, the way she cooks for me isn't as good as the way someone else used to cook for me. It may have brought some problems at some point. What do you think about that? If one day, let's say your ex, cooks better than your current girlfriend. What will you do? Will you go back to that person who used to cook well for you or stick to the one who can't cook? You know now when it comes to your ex and the current you look at a lot of things because the ex could have a weakness that the current even if it's not about cooking. They could be something with the ex that is not there with the current. Now when you come to compare I will compare cooking and the other issue. Why did I live with my ex? What is the problem? But can cook. Because cooking have an effect or influence in the decision you make? Well it does but it is very as I said before it's she willing to learn. Because you know I may not go back to the ex because maybe of the shouting I was talking about. So you will cook me a very good meal but I will not even enjoy because you are shouting from the kitchen to the bedroom. But if she is willing to learn and she is showing interest then just be patient and at the time you will have a I think a better package than what you have even if I would put it that way. Let's look for another characteristics. A person who is rich let's say it's if you are a man that you want a woman who is financially stable. Yes that's what I was looking for. Financial stability a woman who is financially stable that she can be able to pay her bills buy her own hair pay for her own expenses we are talking about manicures, pedicures, saloons etc. Will you go for that or if it's a woman would you go for a man who is financially stable that he can be able to cater for all your needs and expenses at any day any time. Magda I wouldn't go for financial stability like it wouldn't be a priority for me what would be a priority for me as far as finances is concerned is how he plans his money. Whether little or no matter how little it is no matter how little it is it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter but that varies from one woman to another of course there are women whose love language is being spoiled with money they are not necessarily gold diggers but that is how they understand being loved feels. But it's a thing that in most cases when a woman earns her own money and she has her finances figured out that is one of the least things that she looks for in a man but the one important thing that for me should be a priority to women is how he manages his finances. You know you can find a man who works in MGE that manages himself better than someone who is maybe earning a 6-figure salary. I think MGE is for people like us we are not rich MGE is not really Jango You can find a MGE guy who is paid weekly who manages his money better than a man who is earning a monthly salary 6-figure monthly salary you know and to me the man that manages his money better is way better way far more superior than this other man who is earning even much more maybe drives a car but if he loses his job today tomorrow he has nothing he has loans on his name he cannot account for them for the loans that he is paying for he cannot account for so much money that he is spending I think it is important that with regards to finances for me when you are looking for someone that you could start a family with find someone who knows how to manage their finances their finances okay so it is not about financial stability it is about financial management yes which is very important okay for me financial I don't even think I look for any financial stability in a woman because I am okay with providing actually a man most men feel good as they provide as should be anyway yeah then can you will you be uncomfortable being with a woman who earns more than you do it now depends with okay she can earn as much as she can but is that changing for how we are in the house is it changing her behavior is it changing us at the root at the root level can it change yours if it changes hers it will change mine but if she can earn more and she is still remain the same woman I found I don't really think I have a problem with that though I would really work to find something more than her just for you know man just for his ego yeah just just for that car but I don't have a problem as long as it is not changing her but but but but but based on what you say you do have a problem because you would want to work hard so that you can get to a point where you earn more than her well I I may not call it a problem but you have an issue it is a small issue I call it a small issue but as long as it is not changing you know life life is is like that she can get a better deal a better job than me I will not tell her don't go because it will she will still remain the same person actually you might find it is even benefiting you also you see if she earns more if she earns more and she does not change but now you cannot you have seen people there you are refusing your life to go to a better paying job just because of mostly it's the ego there's nothing else being she'll or if she has more money she will change but if she has more money and he will not change I can I can keep up with that as I try that one is I will not say you try but are you comfortable earning more than your man well I wouldn't mind but for how long am I going to earn more than you that's the question you know I wouldn't want to be in that position where I bruise your ego unintentionally like I am catering for bills that maybe you feel you would have been in a better position to do that as the man of the family so you know when his ego is bruised automatically the relationship will be bruised at some point I wouldn't mind I am not I don't think I am the type of woman that would actually tell you I am earning more than you every time we are having an argument because what if the tables were turned would you be telling me that all the time that you are earning more than I am earning what I do not advocate for is this breed of men who like stability in women and take advantage of the stability in the women in their lives a man thinks a man would probably think that this is I have struggled I have really struggled and I think now my only way to success is finding a woman who has got her life figured out I think that is so wrong and then your wife goes and grinds all day and maybe you are just flipping channels in the house you are a coach potato I do not subscribe to such kind of affiliation but if a man is he is the kind of man that it is just a temporary situation and he is really working towards you know the way he is mentioned he is working towards you know making sure that at least the money that we are bringing on the table is almost the same then I would not mind being with such a man so you are okay supporting your man for a while so you are not okay with it no I am not saying no you see the challenge here that I am able to pick up is one for women you will be only okay supporting your man only if they will one day return the favor no only if he will be working as hard as he can to get back on his feet you know when and return the favor does not necessarily mean return the favor because maybe we are talking about marriage there are kids involved so you know returning the favor isn't necessarily I think that is not the right word to use the right returning the favor is it too transparent or it is not transparent per se the fact that if you know if he loses his job temporarily or something of his business collapses or something then I would be able to support the family until he gets back on his feet and align the word get back on his feet which is like the most important thing here what if he doesn't Eric do you subscribe to that that you will only be okay in a relationship where she will support you until the time that you get back on your feet what if you don't well if you don't then it could be an issue and for me it goes back to did the money change her did the money change how she used to be in the house that goes down to me because even if it is one month and she has already changed problems will be there now this is where statements like I have been patient with you for all these times that is that is that yeah see no nima kungoji ya I can't be paying for your bills since we knew each other now that is a changed behavior and before then she did it excuse me before the behavior changes there has to be triggers for the behavior to change listen there are this type of men there are two types of men man one and man two both lose their job on the same day both are married one decides to start looking for a job but maybe even tells his wife you know maybe you could loan me some cash I do this business that is man A man B decides to just be flipping channels every day watching television flipping channels watching television flipping channels you know day in day out while going in their depression you know definitely the woman with the man with the second man will get tired you know because we have been I said it by saying that we are Africans we are in Africa men are providers here that is what we are used to we grew up seeing our dads live and coming back with bread living and coming back with milk providing we've grown and seen our dads you know provide for the family so the picture that we have of a family is the man is a provider it's even biblical I mean what are we even talking about the man provides you know men are providers and there is no other way against such there is no law and when the roles are flipped a man ego starts being bruised because now he starts feeling you know I've been trying for so long I've been trying for so long and nothing is working what kind of man am I I cannot provide for my family and when he starts feeling that way trust me the relationship starts something changes in the relationship because now the man feels inadequate I might not necessarily the row the guy at that given but he may feel uncomfortable and the row because he's not providing so you see that's what I was saying it's I'm okay providing but for a while before his ego starts getting into the way or I start getting tired of providing anyway okay okay let's head over to Facebook to what people are saying here why why why kumawaka maotupale Facebook I just read a few head over to Facebook on our Facebook page why to if I thought drop in your comment in this comment section and we shall sample them up just as what I'm doing right now art dante anasama depends how on how one was raised janet anasama unawacha behavior zaw janawa kuna unafocus on your family since it's a new chapter in your life okay some some key guarantee anasama much more it's it's about doing things together learning new things together I agree with Eric one must be very respectful and tolerance that is some key guaranteed aha beide asli anasama tune in from machakos thank you so much ashli some sami anasama hashtag power talk show families about responsibility and accountability for both keep texting keep tweeting remember I shall sample more of your comments now I want us to to to read your chapter next thing there's something called humility that people look out for so I want a humble man I want a humble woman and they call it and and and for some they they go to the point of saying a submissive woman what do you look out for when it comes to this particular aspect here will some of you you don't want a woman who can shout what if that's her character yes at some point she is submissive submissive but she is submissive there is this demon from their home that rises from their ashes you know in in in any relationship I think you compare to can I take her weaknesses yeah because you can take her the good part of of that person but now here comes the true test is when you are not okay so can I take her weaknesses so if it is those demons from her home can I can I stay with these demons I know it is not every day but you know she can do something that will really hurt you for for a long time then submissiveness is basically in the bible so that is something that that comes you don't want someone you you say you are telling her these she is telling you these not even listening although I know there is a line there is a thin line between submissiveness and I think respect or such but it is important and it is it feels good also to have a person who is who is listening to you can you also be humble enough to to your wife your woman to this person that you expect to marry you should you should also no can you you should you should forget about should can you yes I can the should that is quaground I can't kuna ya kuna ele kuna ele ya umizo moku ele ya kuna ele ya a man should do this a man kachana should we are prescribing things we don't we find hard to swallow what about on the ground can you do it can you submit okay not submit but humble yourself to a woman and then even to the point of saying I am sorry when you make a mistake yes that one personally I can I made a mistake she has feelings she's hard and if I am done we made that mistake why why not say sorry I mean this person is is the mother of your kids anyway even if even if you pull out everything else so I think it is it is it is respectful just when you have made a mistake just say yeah I am I am sorry it will not be done again I am sorry it has it has maintained so many reliefs now now now you see what you're saying reminds me of one thing here my dad actually run and I and I I misoma ati ame kutana na wasana wiki ne wakuna looks deal they are so beautiful kumangale you may think it's the angel directly sent by angel gabriel to come and save you from your misery of single hood but tabiya you have the looks but tabiyako that humble spirit is not there that submissive spirit is not there if it is a man they are handsome and they are rich they you mentioned how about the financial management yeah they can they can manage the finance as well lakini tabiya they can never be humble or you think about that let's use a case study of the relationships that we found basically as people who grew in the 90s you would find a relationship has lasted for more than 30 years what was the secret the wife was submissive and the word sorry was in the tongue of both parties you see for relationship to work man comes with a complete package of ego and everything and if I want to match up my ego with his then how to traffic ambali you know and that is why the bible is so clear I like quoting the bible I think therein lies so much wisdom the bible says that women should be submissive like it's a mandate for Christian women to be submissive to their men it's interesting how youths know these things so interesting how as youths we know these bible verses yes but we don't implement them on the ground implementing kwa grounds isn't difficult but sometimes you know relationships for relationship to work there has to be so much compromise and that's where we do not want that's where we usually feel like if I text fast then it's like I'm the one just pushing the relationship you know so no one wants to compromise on their ego you know and it's more natural for us as women and I'm not saying that I am objectifying women I'm a woman I am a mother to a daughter and for a relationship for most relationships to work when a woman submits herself actually people will be surprised by how much more you can get things going your way when you're submissive than when you're shouting because now when I want to fight to nag my way through issues to get things done my way then most of the time you're blocking I'm blocking this man so I'm putting a wall between the two of us and the man will shut out instead of doing what I want him to do for me but when I come massaging his ego and I'm like nice and sweet and submissive and I listen to him he tells me give me that and I give it to him and I ask for something well this is a happy man already and you know when a man is happy he will do anything still still it's in the bible you believe so I mean that's how John the Baptist died the daughter made the father happy and the father said anything you want I shall give it's like that when someone is happy things get to be done your way and I ask for something and it's so subconscious the man would think oh I'm the one who's calling the shots but in real sense that's what women don't know about submission when you're submissive when you can massage a man's ego you'll have like 80% of things will go your way and the man won't even notice it's like a secret I'm telling women women do you agree with that well uh for there's some Eric here and Kuba Balana kila Eric Eric is half a man today Eric your ego is being massaged here today when you say that yes you are massaging a man's ego I'm glad that you've mentioned that you have a daughter let's say this guy says that she wants to accept you together your plus your daughter and she wants to to start a family with you or continue with that family that you have with him yet he lacks that quality of saying sorry of apologizing would you bring that such a person in your life who does not say sorry when he's he has offended you I totally wouldn't because you know people think that when a mum is raising her child alone then she's desperate on the contrary the bar has been set higher because now I'm not just looking for a boyfriend I'm looking for someone who will take care of my kid as a father you know what what are the virtues I want that I that I want to raise my daughter with I want her to be around a man that apologizes if you cannot apologize if you cannot own up when you make when you make a mistake that is not the kind of person I want to raise my daughter but won't massaging his ego push him towards actually not even apologizing because you've that's what I'm saying why would I massage the ego of someone I do not want I mean if you cannot say sorry then I don't want you we do not have any business together what do you think about that yeah yeah it's true she she has a point because I believe in a in a relationship everybody has a part to play so whether whether she has massaged or she has not I believe I should be I should have that maturity of saying sorry when I have done a mistake exactly I've ever offended okay I believe you've dated have you ever made a mistake and failed to apologize yes I failed yes yeah before I learned that you know when I was young you know these days it's a learning process every day yeah yeah so kitambo kitambo yes but as I came to to know I realized ah yeah they also failed what was your belief back then back then you know you were just a young boy but atadu that was the ego at its best but as you grow you realize hey no no no you if I have done a mistake just say sorry because it also encourages her to massage your ego even more and what I think some people don't know is that of all the creation on this word the man's a man's biggest weakness is the woman that is the biggest weakness that God gave us a woman when she makes you happy there's nothing you can't do simple when you are happy in the house you will find actually they run they run these homesteads all she needs to do is make you feel happy make you feel like the king make you feel loved the rest comes out natural yes meaning that she is let's just say she she knows how to play her cards right yes she knows when to talk when to keep quiet exactly that is that is I believe that is what most men just are just looking for okay yes so submission is important it's very easy what about for men submission for men should it be there I have an issue with this perspective of picking one prescription giving it to the women and not the men or giving it to the men and not the women how does it work it works like this women submit to your husbands husbands love your wives just like Christ loved the church I think that's what the bible says and when the equation is like that things work because you see when you love this woman then you wouldn't want to see her cry when you love this woman you wouldn't want to hurt her you wouldn't want anything to hurt her you know you protect what you love you provide for what you love so when you love your woman and she submits to you it works like that's the equation it's simple love her regardless love her weaknesses love her entirely and everything that she represents I want us to take a short break we'll be back after this and we'll continue this conversation after this break I want us to touch on yet more particular scenarios what about in-laws the cold is that make a family man is it that when he or she is good with your family that you can say who you nizayishinaio when your father and your mother love her do you accept it or when they don't love her do you now reject because my mum and dad said no do I reject because my mum and dad said yes do I accept it when she is good even with your in-laws qualities of a family man interesting old version amit magda and Eric Leistek that short break will be back in a bit keep texting on commenting on Facebook the hashtag is power talk show at Ram Magugo and at Y254 Leistek that break right now will be back in a bit this is power talk well thank you very much for keeping it Y254 your back let's head over to Facebook on our social media platform and see what people are saying on Facebook up above it's coming up remember the Facebook page is Y254 at Ram Agugo make sure that you tag me this is James Black nasama tune in from Fika none above Vanessa Mde nasama show yuko 50 I like how that lady is handling this topic today's topic but we say Vanessa Mde that name she's a Vanessa Mde in her own rights let's head over to Twitter uh-huh to put it on Twitter this is Eunice nasama akoddani nasama in akoddani sana Karibusana Eunice Mamayaro MCA 2022 let's me just read a few more you okay sawa Mother is saying to Tazi indela kusama badai because of time let's continue let's proceed if she is loved by indela kusama or your family is that a go to Magda there's someone that told me that when your mother in law loves you there's something wrong with her son and she knows it so umekuja kufunika ailu there's something there's something in psychology about mothers and their sons and fathers and their daughters shall we know that so most times when I bring a prospective in law home my dad is the one who's going to have a hard time letting go of his daughter you know and it's natural and uh when I go visit my my my my finances home his mother will have a little bit of she'll she'll still want to cling on her little boy and she will feel like this other woman is coming to take my place in his life it's normal now for some people some people are lucky to have mother in laws that actually like them and some people have mothers mothers in law that they're still holding on to their sons and so she might not necessarily ever like you and it's normal you might be a very good woman you might really love the son but the mother will not will still think you don't cook well you don't take care of your son of her son well and it's normal Are you saying that these people who are loved by their mother in mother laws are there's a problem with their son is that true? No I was saying no that I was saying that on a light note okay but but most of the time that's the case actually I was saying that on a light note but most of the time that's the problem you would find a man is very shy he cannot approach women so they will find a woman for him and marry the woman for the son sometimes that's the issue sometimes the man there are a lot of things maybe there are a lot of things and that's when you find the mother in law is like I don't know I don't know I don't know you know there are such cases but that's like but that's just like 3% of society the rest of the society you might we might not necessarily place a bar that if my mom doesn't like her then she's not the one because sometimes my mom might not like her for selfish reasons you get my mom maybe just wants to hold on to her little man she still wants to hold on to her boy so when she feels like someone else is coming to take her place in her son's life she will not like the lady as perfect as she could be so sometime let's not use that as a bar to say that hey because my dad didn't like this guy at all then he's not the man for me although it is important you know there's a there's an African proverb that says that what an old person sees sitting down you can't see well climb when on top of a high tree a young man can't see one on top of exactly there's some red flags that sometimes your parents might see and warn you exactly and warn you about it but there's a very thin line between I'm just being a dad and I know what I'm telling you this is not the man for you it's very true it's a good feeling to have a wife who is in good terms with in laws but when they are not in good terms you ask yourself why you see as she said it might be just because they don't want to to see someone getting your attention more than they are getting your attention can you reject a woman who has been rejected by your family it will depend on why why because they might see red flags as she has said that I had not seen but if there are no red flags it's just because they don't want to see me looking at another person more than that I'd look them then no that one is not now the question is they have seen red flags which you have seen how do you handle that particular scenario yet you're looking for the characters of a family woman can I live personally I I am done with marrying can I live with those red flags if it is a yes then I will proceed if it is a no then now I can live her because I am done because the body you can't evaluate if you can or cannot because you've not seen them hey he is the thing you said you said if they see red flags that I have seen you that you have not seen if I have not seen then it means they do not matter to me he is the thing no he is the thing to get the difference between my parents are just being parents and my parents are seeing something wrong and they are actually warning me it's important for couples I think when you're also going to that place of marriage that's why the parents are meeting your partner right there's the best couple who we have reduced them to people like who are our best friends who are not necessarily even married which is wrong which is wrong yes so but if you if you have a best couple that these are people that have been in marriage for the past 20 years then they will see the same red flags your parents are seeing I believe so so the best way to learn the difference of knowing that my parents are just being parents and step out of this relationship is a third party which has also been in marriage for long people that are wise because these are also your parents in their own rights see the same thing I would like also parents if at all we have a parent who is watching this show advise our advisors advise our people what makes a family man or a family woman what is that makes if you are a parent talk to us talk to us go to Facebook talk to me the hashtag is Power Talk Show on Twitter at Ram Maguka and at Y2F4 channel that is on Twitter drop in your comment on the on Twitter head over to Facebook on our page or the comment section on the post that we have just made on our page and make sure that you like the page follow the page as you comment advise us tell us youths are watching they are expecting to be given this particular you know a directive what what makes a family man or a family woman all right now I want us to still move because there are so many things you have not yet covered when that person is affectionate and by affection I am talking about the levels at which they care about you you're sick they come through when you're sick it's your birthday they don't forget your birthday you need some assistance even if it's the middle of the night they will show up you need anything they will always be there for you as opposed to someone who will be there only when they are able today you will call them they'll say I'm busy tomorrow you'll call them they will show up the next day you'll call them they won't and the other day they will show up does that make a family a family person what if they are just not available they are too busy to be available they are committed yes people have jobs outside there and they are committed they are just not available genuinely they are not as opposed to they are just not available who doesn't care caring the rate of affection is that also an issue that makes a family man or a family woman let me start with you Eric well I think it should it should because as a man I don't feel loved I want to know that when I have a problem there is someone who can come through for me so yeah I think it is important it is very very important so you would like to call you when you're sick when you're at work when you're going through some an issue you would like her to be there yes you need help you need help at that particular time you need help so if you have someone who is helping you as opposed to us that person who is busy or who does not make even an effort you know as you said there are someone who could be busy because of a job and all that but it is she trying is there anything that you sought yourself out and you know the reason why I am asking this particular question is they are those who don't care they don't care okay in terms of this I am with you I know you're busy I know you will not be there so it's okay you know I don't care whether you whether you will call me or not call me I don't care whether you will be available for me when I'm sick or my birthdays I don't care as long as we know very well that tuna pendana kama kama ni nubani tutakutana you know kama ni inlos tukutukusawa whether you call me about those small small there are people who don't care about those small small things affection Magda how will there be a difference between let's say I'm in a relationship with Eric how will there be a difference between how I relate with Eric and how I relate with you it is when I am sick how does he behave you know you will tell me oh get well soon should you also tell me get well soon and then it's done like that like we in a relationship it is the affection that goes that takes it a step further you know those introverts who don't talk much don't tell me introvert I don't know I think affection is affection full stop let's stop making excuses for it if I actually love you then I will take care of you have you seen like before I was a mum I think I would see kids fall sick and I'd be like oh yeah Paulie and then it's done right now I would worry about my own child you know I would constantly think about her I will stop everything see I'm working initially I was working and kids used to get sick around me but why would I now go a step further and say I can't go to work today because my child is not feeling well I need to take them to the hospital because I am showing my child affection the person you love you will take care of if they're not showing you that affection honey they don't love you now in the case for example me pata manome hape yeah there are men outside here who cry and there are men who don't yeah but now four women for you if you see a lady who will tell her man kuna liyanini kwa manome does it mean she is not affectionate does it mean she doesn't care about the man well personally personally I want to be the one who cries in the relationship not you why you crying you know that's me a man should not cry not that a man should not cry express yourself why you crying crying you know like you see I want to be in that place where okay it works for white men I see them cry maybe I don't know if it never ground but in the movies they cry a lot they cry over literally everything in the movies yeah and to me personally I think that's simping like just just that's just simping just I don't know but a man the way I view a man is that he should be my pillar of strength hata emotionally you know at least you know I think it's more beautiful when it's the woman that's crying when a man is crying unless the reason is so tangible you know there are things that a man would cry over you know like losing a loved one and things like that those are very deep things that when a man would cry I would be okay with but because our cut is injured kama asenolu kupotre kuluus game no that's not important I mean why you supporting asenolu in the first place supposed to be used to you're supposed to be used to disappointment and think like that Eric a woman who cry who cries I am fine with a woman crying you're okay with it that is actually you won't say that she is she cries too much she's emotional she's weak but she's nagging well sometimes you may look at the reasons but for me I think it is natural for them their tears are just always so close you have an argument she's crying you have a small thing as happened she's crying you have had a small accident she's crying I think it is their way of expressing emotions so I don't have don't have actually you could have a woman who is not crying baka una shangahi so I don't have a problem and I think it's very beautiful when a woman is in touch with high emotions like it makes us more feminine you know the beauty of a woman is the vulnerability the fact that I would look at something and it makes it so beautiful it'll make me want to cry that means I see things in a very beautiful from a very beautiful perspective and again when she's crying she gives you a place for you to step up and be the pillar and feel like the man I am comforting my wife so as a man you can't cry well well well you know you know round these days we are living many people you know so well well well men are committing this idea just because of some things I can't cry but it depends on the reason and number two before I cry before my wife it is because I don't have any other place I can cry when she is not seeing me can cry na wukon yuma when you are coming back you are you are okay but for cases like no thing I love about that one you will just cry and I expect her to understand okay I will just move on to something else but that's an interesting conversation after that we will lay a candle because every day you cry before me and it's something petty my respect goes lower because it's a petty issue and you expect so the question is you expect him to be your pillar but how are you going to be his pillar exactly like no how are you going to be no you see if it's I've mentioned that I am okay with him crying like you know once a year when it's something so big you know I would understand that but this petty petty issues and then you cry you cry of a petty issue okay I want us to move I don't move to to something else patiing what makes a family man that's the question we are asking today patiing someone who likes patiing yei okimu is a friday killer sa friday akona gig akona event friday oko api bini kona plan on friday I'm going to this place I'm going to club X, Y or Z I'm going to this hotel there is a pati here there is a pati there is that something that you are okay with or do you have an issue with someone who likes patiing and by patiing you know the things that happen in parties yes Eric personally for why if patiing no no why because as you've said things that happen in parties come on give me something give me something but yeah yeah yeah but once in a while I can take you out for a pati so you are okay if you take her yes but if she goes alone no I don't think there is most men will not be comfortable because we have been to parties we know what happens in parties maybe she has kids at home now it is every weekend I am going to this I am going to that okay no and what about you you going for the parties well you know the society for men going to parties you know we are talking as africans she is saying okay yeah it is seen as okay should also not make it every day up until when she needs me and you know we have a plan this weekend I am saying no I am going to a party so it should be considerate also it's okay if you go alone yeah I don't have a plan it's not okay if he goes alone but what about her also you know it's a two way thing it's not okay if he goes alone he don't want to let me have another yeah if you are going we are going together say I am your babe I mean I mean but but with regards to partying it depends with what you want you know I think these things are so natural for a man that is 30 plus and still wants to pigashere every Friday there is something wrong with that man once a man clocks 30 mamba kupati imesha like it's so no it's at imesha I am saying there are times that you would want to hang out with your boys there are times that you would want to take me somewhere out and and would have fun depending on what our preferences both of us what do we like doing for fun you see personally I am not a club person I do not like clustered places so and and yes we bump into photos of people in clubs and we know how they've dressed and things like that so I wouldn't be okay with my boyfriend being someone who would constantly go there like I know how women are dressed there how people dance there how people are clustered together you see so I wouldn't go for someone who parties because for me it's not it's not my thing it's not my way of leisure drinking alcohol someone she she drinks she takes wine or he takes wine once in a while or every day depends on how it is whiskey name them is that also something that you can be okay with when you're looking for what makes a man tell us what you think about it what makes a man they drink you know kuna taught they they go there spend some thousands up with me well for me wine after some time it's okay it's not a problem but it's not an everyday so nani kama ni okay for you if if if if the man does it is okay what about if the woman does it you know even if a man does it it depends it is a two way thing as I said is he doing it too much is he doing it in front of the kids you see so it is a two way thing I am okay you having some wine maybe once in a while maybe you just want to to have the feeling he's okay you see same same way with me I'm having my my whatever I'm having there is she comfortable and what environment am I doing that is it everyday and when I take am I violent am I you see there are things that you look at depending with every couple Magda it's different I'm not going to answer this from my perspective just generally it depends with how much intake of alcohol how often does he take alcohol why does he take the alcohol in the first place you see there are people when things are not okay they run for alcohol so if that means that when things are not going to be right at some point in the future then you're going to wallow into depression and alcohol I'm going to lose you to alcohol you know at some point there are these places to aparta moshi mejia pale they are chimneys they are called shisha nga nga pale so it's it's interesting at some even smoke bang bang some meat I've seen them ladies with those you know they sit around at a table nikama ni ni awaze shisha then it's they smoke it they when i vruta moshi that white smoke comes from the north streets everywhere is that an okay thing when you see that in a woman Eric for me anything that is smoke I don't know because I have a it's because I have a medical background or what but I know what smoke does to ladies and especially when it comes to the aspect of we are going to have kids you see okay so for me anything anything that is anything that is going to the lungs it is no it is a no I no no no so as long as it goes to the stomach not the lungs you know yeah the stomach one of wine it's okay that is not a problem but the the smoke is a no no we can talk about it but smoke personally for me I don't think it's right ina leta pichambaya sana and I want to talk about how people feel after they've consumed drugs let's say like weed for instance is this person this is not someone if someone is high this is not someone I would want to trust around my child you know when this person is high because when you intoxicated you could do anything your decision making is is faulted like and you would do anything and blame it on the alcohol or the drugs or things like that so for me actually man or woman it's just wrong and then another thing yeah the women who like the way you've mentioned it and you've painted a very clear picture in our heads these women who want to go out clubbing every Friday they're smoking shisha and they think it's like it's lit it's not you just you're just spreading yourself as something that probably you're not maybe you are or probably you're not but I don't think it's right for women to do that again I'm not objectifying women I'm just saying that what we represent as women is far much more bigger and responsibility for us I wouldn't want in future when I have a son and he's bringing a daughter in low home she has very dark lips because she smokes I will say no to that woman she's not the kind of homemaker I want I would want for my own son wow yeah it's hot here now I want us to well you've touched on on things that when you see things that when you see you don't want to associate with that kind of person dark lips what what what what about rasta rasta tattoos what do you think manga kama kuna subaru yeah subaru is a red flag kama kuna subaru are there things that if you see features that if you see you can say no this don't make a family woman Eric well yeah but also that goes to an individual person there's a person who has no problem with a lot of tattoos there's a person with a lot of with a problem with a lot of tattoos for me I would not like to much But one tattoo for some languages they have tattoos maybe kapa mahapa mahapa kapa mahapa mahapa mahapa maha that is okay actually most of the time, they had it before you before you came into their lives before inmates so if it is one tattoo it's okay but now, see huku everywhere you after twos, every part of you that is visible when you are addressed has that twos What about rasta? but rasta I don't have a problem as long as you're beautiful given the rasta but out piercing? Again not too much and make up a kumupuwa nilu dullibi na gini apa, nigini apa, nili na apa you gotta have the way to go back to Pelakiya Mama ya It's from the word go We think it's being lit, but you're making yourself look so much of a clown, and it's something that young girls should probably understand, that sometimes some decisions that you make now, even if you're caught up in the moment, they will catch up with you at some point. You see, like having a tattoo is not wrong, but having it in visible areas, one day you're going to meet a mother-in-law. Once you're done with your, they call it whole face, once you're done with your whole face and you're done being crazy and acting out and now you want to settle down and be a wife. And you have a very visible area tattoo, and then the tattoo is of something very scary. You know that mother-in-law, that is the perception you're going to have. That is what people see, we have faces, but more to the face is how we dress. First time appearance, once someone looks at you, what do they see, and it's very important. Maybe once you're done with being a campus girl, you won't be in campus forever, when you're looking for that corporate job. You'll pass that stage one day. Exactly, when you're looking, it's not okay, forget about twice because maybe it will look like I am making success of a woman, be aligned to marriage. Let's talk about career, you want to be a corporate woman. I mean, I don't remember seeing the president of Tanzania with a tattoo on any visible area of her body. Because once you go corporate, for instance, what people see is also a selling factor. So those are some of the things that young people need to understand. Okay, when it comes to dreadlocks and things like that, I am a huge advocate of being against people that stereotype people based on their appearances. Because I know people go through faces, a lot of faces in life, and maybe someone might be going through a loss. And the best way to express it is through maybe a tattoo and things like that. So I'm slow to judge people based on that. But would I take a man with the dreadlocks to my father as a son-in-law? Definitely no, my father will say umenile tia mongiki nyumbami. Would you take a man who has a piercing and make a earring up with your father? I'm okay with a piercing, but having an earring is the problem for me. Okay, let me go back to the issue of dreads. You're saying on one hand that you would not stereotype them. As my friends, but not as family people, you get the point. I'm trying to. But you cannot take them to your father yet, you don't want to stereotype them. Is that not stereotyping itself? Okay, personally I wouldn't judge someone in the sense that when I see you I see a criminal. You get my point. If I saw dreadlocks the moment I saw you I'd be like, nice locks. That's the first thing that, especially if they're well kept and it's a guy, I really have so much respect for that. You have very nice hair because we're Africans and dreadlocks are part of the African heritage. But still you cannot... Your heritage, my dad is not ready to embrace that heritage. He's okay with clean hair. Okay, let me come to you. When it comes to awaman, let me give yet another perspective, yet another example to this mix. A lady who, of course we know we are Africans and we know that there is a way parents expect ladies to be and there is a way the society expects ladies to be and the same is true for men. But now we take a lady, for example you see a lady from Uganda. Just an example. When they greet, see the way they... And then someone say, that is what makes a family woman. Those are the characters of a family that we want. A lot of people say that they want to talk to you. The language that they talk, the way they express themselves isn't as accepted as their culture. They don't know how to greet. Maybe their language is vulgar. They don't know how to bow to that sign of respect for elders. What about that? Is that something that affects what makes a family woman? Well, somehow it will. I may not go to that level of sheening before my appearance. But the respect, for example that as you said the vulgar language there's something that I cannot just take. There is somewhere I'll have to draw a line. I may not go to the extent of, you know we are not Ugandan but many Ugandan expect that is paramount for them. But for me I'm not even raised to see a woman bowing or doing that. But again there is somewhere I will have to draw the line. The language, the respect. How you carrying yourself before the parents? There is somewhere I will have to draw the line. I think I'm very tired with saying you know especially on social media people saying that Kenyan women we are not as who said kneeling down is submission. Who said kneeling down is respect? It isn't. Just because I said hi how are you doesn't mean I care how you are. But kneeling down, are you saying it isn't? It isn't. Just because I knelt down, you know there's a difference these people have been raised to kneel down since they were kids. It's a habit, it's more of a habit to them than it is a character thing. Mimimi, mimi misanaki misaviachakura lava pigu ya ma goti apa dazo hei. Apa na, you know for you, you will feel it. You won't like it. No you guys are feeling it because you are not in Uganda. Many Uganda are used to being knelt down before. we should not associate respect to a particular culture or cultural practice because for them it's a formality, it's like shaking hands it's like kneeling down to be blessed in South Africa It's like a kiss in America, i can't kiss my dad here in Africa but American kiss their dad It's just, it's a normal formality. So let's stop making it look like Ugandan women are so glorious. Okay, the problem is that comparison of cultures. I think you're not, you're not supposed to compare. Let's go to Facebook and see what people are saying on Facebook. Let's go to the commentator. Alright, Samke, Samke is a local active brother. He should come to the show of my brother. Samke and that lady is very wise. Yes, thank you so much Samke. Yes. Magda. Yes. Tuwa salamu. Samke, how are you? Thank you so much. Thank you so much. That lady is very wise. There is so much power and submission for the lady. James Black tuned in from Thika. That is Antonio King. Here we have two people, a boy and a man. A boy in Yulekila time who said, wacha ni ambiye maathe atu ambiye. A man, let's, let's sit down and see what's the problem. Example, oh sorry, I'm the problem, I will change. Okay. Ros Gikuru anasama, let men show their emotions. If crying is their way, let them do it. Wow. Has she ever dealt with someone who cries all the time? It's so annoying. You start feeling like you're dealing with a son more than a boyfriend. Like when someone cries, you know, I've said it's okay to cry. It's okay to express your emotions. But why are you crying? You know there are things that you can take up as a man. Like I wouldn't take, I wouldn't know. Apana. Apana. I want us to wrap it up. And I want to give you each 30 seconds, 30 seconds, no more than that. You can talk to your fellow brothers and sisters all watching in terms of what to look for in a woman and in a man. What would you prescribe to them? To the youths are watching. Let me start with you, Magi. That is your camera. Okay. Young ladies, you need to understand one thing. One of the biggest mistake that we make as women is that we usually see a red flag or two and then we think that maybe we could change that man. You're meeting a 30-year-old man for the first time. You cannot change a dog the way it barks. You know you're not God. Only God can change a man. So if relationships are not perfect, I'm not saying you look for perfection. I'm saying look for what you can live with. And if you notice that the things that you cannot live with or live by, then live. Because those are some of the reasons why we are having so many gender-based murders right now in Kenya. So many cases of depression right now in Kenya. Because maybe you saw something in a man and you thought maybe you would change it with time. And then time goes and he's not changed and you start wallowing into depression. Eric. For the men... Coming to Eric, yes. Yes, I would advise young men there. Look for someone who has the characteristics of a woman in the Bible for the Christians. And also something that people don't do and don't know. Look for a spark. A spark is something that you yourself cannot explain what it is. But there is something that will attract you to this lady that when the humility, the submissiveness and the kindness will not work. It will still hold you together. And now I am the last and the biggest thing because you do not know about tomorrow. Just seek God before you settle down. Just pray. He will never take you astray. Look for the spark. Look for someone who makes you happy. Look for a person you are not forcing. Things just flow and you find the right person. I think that is what I would say. Thank you so much. Eric. Yes. Thank you for finding time to join me today. Magdalene. Thank you so much. Thank you for having me. To me share, it was... Eh, it was hot. Remember to cut a repeat of this particular conversation tonight at 10 p.m. It's all about what makes a family man or a family woman. The repeat of this show will be live tonight on Y-25 for TV at 10 p.m. Remember we are on YouTube. Go to our YouTube channel that is Y-254 and subscribe to watch more of our content right here on Y-254. Now as we finish this conversation I'd like to end with a quote here. And I would like to say this. And remember just my thoughts here. Physical attributes can make you appealing. Remember that. Physical attributes can make you appealing but to keep the appeal going one has to draw from within. You have to be a real person. Your fans and the people around you that you associate will have to be able to see beyond your looks. You have to be a good friend, a beautiful son and a good family man. That is a quote by Ajun Rampal. This is Power Talk. My name is Ram Maguko. May God bless you and may God bless the work of your hands. Thank you so much.