 Lux presents Hollywood the Lux Radio Theatre brings you Fred McMurray and Marjorie Chapman in Pardon My Past. Ladies and gentlemen your producer Mr. William Healy. Greetings from Hollywood ladies and gentlemen one of the fastest growing elements of our population is the lowly mink. With care and patience you can raise a couple of these 24-inch rodents into something glamorous and beautiful. A coat that puts a gleam in a woman's eyes and leaves a dent in her husband's pocketbook. I mention these facts because they motivate tonight's play. Columbia Pictures recent comedy release Pardon My Past starring Fred McMurray as the boy with a future in mink and Marjorie Chapman as the girl with a mink in her future. Who gets fleeced in this story of the old skin game you'll shortly hear. But first I'd like to thank Virginia Maxwell for a different kind of story. As a member of the Red Cross she was present at a dance in China given to promote Chinese-American relations and attended by dignitaries of both countries. The high spot of the program was the presentation of three valuable door prizes. A lovely piece of carved jade, an exquisite heirloom tea pot over 200 years old, and luck soap. Chinese guests won all the prizes and while the Americans were politely envious they were also proud that an American beauty aide like luck's toilet soap should rank so high in foreign estimation. Here's Act 1 of Pardon My Past starring Fred McMurray as Eddie York and Marjorie Chapman as Joan. It's a fine spring afternoon in New York City. In his lavish Madison Avenue apartment Mr. Elias Arnold has just received two visitors. Behind the visitors stands a rather sinister gentleman, a gun in his hand. You may dispense with your fire, Mr. Law. I am sure Mr. Pemberton here and his friend will prove very reasonable. Okay, Mr. Arnold. Ah, Mr. Pemberton, how good to see you again. I tell you my name isn't Pemberton, it's York, Eddie York. Man, I'm Chuck Gibson. You got us mixed up with somebody else. Don't holler at Mr. Arnold. Understand? What is this nonsense, Mr. Law? You got me, Mr. Arnold. I seen him walking near Penn Station, see? I says, hello, Mr. Pemberton. And what happens? He gives me that Eddie York stuff. Ah, leaving town again, eh? Well, let us talk about going to Wisconsin to race me. That's right, I don't know what this is all about, but you've made us miss our train. We're supposed to be on our way to Beaver Dam Wisconsin. We bought a mink ranch, see? And my name is not Pemberton, it's York, Eddie York. All the way here, that's all he said. Your name is Pemberton, Francis Pemberton. And two years ago, you placed a bet with me for $12,000 on Pegasus in the Sixth Race at Hialeah. Since then, you have been a trifle difficult to locate. Eddie, the guy's a bookmaker. I have many hobbies, Mr. Gibson. Making book is one. Collecting books is another. Look about you. You see the volumes on my shelves? Every one of first edition. It cost a great deal of money to be a bibliophile. Oh, what he said. And that is why at this high time you pay your debt, Mr. Pemberton. Here, here I'll show you. We just got out of the army, see? Here's my discharge card. There, you see? Edward L. York. That's me. Oh, to think you would go to these lengths. Let me have that walk. Hey, that's my money. Yeah, our money. Have that bankroll as mine. Well, that's more than $3,000. I'll credit it to your account. Now, wait a minute. No. Mr. Pemberton, here you are, a young man with everything to live for. Actually risking your life to cheat me out of money you wouldn't even miss. Wouldn't miss? It's every cent I got in the world. We got. I shall call tomorrow morning for the remaining $9,000 and please have a thread. I simply cannot bear the idea of live peopleowing me money. It makes me nervous. Mr. Law, you might drive them to where you picked them up. We'll be back. We'll get the cops. Don't use that word. Mr. Rhino, don't lie. Till tomorrow morning, gentlemen. There goes that long guy, Eddie. Now, what do we do? What do we do? We go straight to the police and tell them that... Chuck, did you get the address where that Arnold guy lives? No. Oh, fine. Did you get the license number to car? No. Couple of smart boys. Hey, wait a minute. There's a cop. Hey, officer. That's the matter. Hey, officer, my friend and I here were walking down this street a little while ago. Well, Mr. Pemberton, glad to see you're back. And sober, too. Well, well... Officer, I'm not Mr. Pemberton. I... none of them are mine. You in some trouble? No, no, no. Well, it's nice to have seen you again. Thanks very much. Hey, Eddie, I'm beginning to think maybe you still look like this guy, Pemberton. No. Yeah. Hey, Chuck, Chuck, I've got an idea. Oh, it's about time. Look, all we gotta do is find this guy, Pemberton, explain what happened, get our money, and we're on our way. Right! A telephone book. All we gotta do is look him up on the telephone. This ain't no mean-looking Chateau, brother. Are your shorts the right place? Yeah, that's what it said in the phone books. And it's better be. They wasn't kiddin' when they named this Long Island. Oh, uh, we want to see Mr. Pemberton. Why, Mr. Pemberton... Good evening, sir. And we go again. My, this is a surprise. There's a fire in the library, Mr. Pemberton. I'll tell the rest of the family you're home. Oh, uh, whiskey, sir? Um, no, no thanks. I'll have a double. Very good, sir. I got a hunch I'm gonna need it. Yeah. Hey, Chuck, if the Butler thinks I'm Pemberton, it's pretty clear the real Pemberton isn't here. What do we do now? Oh, maybe he's got a rich hand or something. We ought to be able to get 3,000 bucks out of somebody around here. Hey, Chuck, look. This picture on the desk here. Uh, to John, it says. To John, my good right arm, Francis. Hey, no wonder that bookie collared us. This guy in the picture. He looks like you. Yeah. Sure looks like a sourpuss, doesn't he? Yeah, just like you. Thanks. Francis, well, you might have written us or something. Uh... How was Mexico? Mexico? Well, look, I, uh, I want to apologize for barging in like this. Well, it's your home. Oh, Francis never remembers to introduce anyone. Mr. Gibson, just call me Chuck. Good. You can call me Joan. Are you saying Chuck? Well, uh... Chuck's just staying until the... Well, he's just staying until I can pay him some money eye on him. Yeah, you see, I'm crazy about links. And I was going to buy a farm just as soon as I got 3 grand out of it. Francis. Your luck is running through the phone, Francis. Why don't you write him a check? Right. Well, I would only... Oh, well, well, Chuck wants the cash, don't you, Chuck? Yeah, there's something about good ol' hard cash, I guess. There might be that much in the safe. In the safe? Well, well, uh, Joan, uh, look, I'm awfully tired. Uh, would you just run to the safe and get $3,000 out and give it to Chuck? And then we'd be all square, huh, Chuck? And how? You'll have to give me the combination, Francis. The combination. You know, it's silly, but it doesn't seem possible, but I just can't seem to remember it. Well, Uncle Will's can give it to you. Oh, that's right. I forgot about Uncle Will's. I'm sure you'll be home in the morning. In the morning. I, uh, wonder what happened to that Frank. Oh, was that yours? I told Bert's not to bother. I thought it was for Francis. All right. I'll have it brought right in. At the same time, I'll speak to the housekeeper about your room. Look like they got you pegged for kind of an elbow bend, am I right, Frank? Yeah. Chuck, look, we got to get out of here. Just when we're all set to get our 3G always, next. Well, I wonder who that girl was. That's Joan, her name is Joan. I know that, but I mean, what does she do around here? What's the difference? What's the difference? Well, what if she's my wife or something? No, no, Chuck, I can't stay here. Look, long kid, it ain't our fault this Pemberton Square don't pay off its bookie, is it? No, but I... And unless we squat here until we get it, we whistle for our three grand, don't we? Yeah, I guess. Then what's the matter with your noodle? Tell me that. Did you notice if she was wearing a wedding ring? Well, well, well. Oh, good evening. Not back to stay, I hope. Your drink, sir. But they do run you out of Mexico? Well, here's to you, pop. Ain't you having one? Um, no, no. You ain't? Well, well. I see you're still picking your friends from the barry. Oh, yo, it's old man. I could sue you for that. I'm just his grandpa. Now, grandpa, don't mind him, Frank. Did you know how he is? Doesn't mean half what he says. Why don't you open the window and throw the old cockroach out to the petonias? Him? If he'd do that, I'd think there was some hope for him. And I suppose I'll see you in the morning, Francis, or maybe I'll be lucky and oversleep. If you'll come upstairs, Chuck. I'll show you to your room. Good night, uh, Francis. Night. You're not going to bed, Francis? No, no, no. I just think I'll sit here and think a while. Thanks. You mean get drunk? Please, Francis. Not on your first night home. You're still sitting here, you bandy-legged warthog. Well, any objections, grandpa? You sober? Certainly I'm sober. Say, uh, what are you so mad about? What have I done? Nothing, as usual. The point is, what are you going to do? About what? About what? Young man, there's a little lady upstairs. Two years you've been away and she's been crying her eyes out every night. She has? Yes, she has. Now you march right up there and do something about it. What are you waiting for, you now? Chuck. Chuck, which room are you in? Hey, Chuck. Where are you? Oh. Oh, hello. Did I hear you calling someone, Francis? No, no, no, it's really nothing important. Then come on in. Oh, no. You're, uh, you're probably busy. Come on in. Uh, grandpa said you wanted to see me. He did? Well, maybe I misunderstood him. Francis, is something bothering you? Joan, you know how it is with a guy like me. There are lots of things that's bothering. They're never used to. Well, I'm, I'm different now. I'd like to believe that. Oh, it's true. I'm practically not the same fellow at all. You and, uh, you and grandpa seem to think I'm pretty much of a heel, don't you? Oh, I think spoiled would be a better word for it. And, uh, little spineless now and then. Well, I asked for it. Francis, what about Mary? Mary? Yeah, Mary. Well, I, I was sort of hoping we could forget about Mary. I suppose you'd like to forget about Susan, too. Susan. Don't you even want to see her? Who? Susan, of course. I'll take you in to see her now. You mean she's here, right here in the house? Frost uncle wills to see to that. The detective wouldn't let her leave. Detective? But why? Is she violent or something? Francis, are you sure you're quite yourself? No, I mean, well, with you here, it's a peculiar sort of setup, isn't it? I, I, I'd better not go in the night. Maybe she's asleep and, well, I'd better look in on Chuck. He might want something. Francis Temberton. After two years, the least you can do is let her see you. Well, okay. Now come along. We'll only stay a minute. Daddy. Yes, dear. It really is. This is Susan? I don't wonder you hardly recognize her. She's grown so. Well, well, how are you, Susan? Finally, I don't seem to know you very well. Do I, Daddy? Are you going to live here now? Well, well, I... I wish you would. I'll get Daddy or let Mommy come to see me at Jones. Daddy just came in to say hello, darling. It's sleepy time now. Why do you let Mommy come to see me, Daddy? Why, why, sure, I guess so. Do you really mean that, Francis? Why, sure. I mean, it's a mother certainly ought to be able to see her own child. Tomorrow, Daddy? Tomorrow? Well, yeah, I guess tomorrow would be fine. Well, good night, Susan. Good night, Daddy and Francis. Sleep tight, darling. See ya. That's a girl. Uh, she called you Aunt Jones? Yes. Well, then she's not, uh... I mean, you're not the... Well, it is the fate of most poor female relations become aunts, isn't it? Oh. Well, you make a very nice aunt. I tried to, Francis. Mary's going to be so happy. I'll phone her right away. Mary? Oh, yes, Mary. Francis, I want to take back everything I said. I wouldn't have believed it, but... But you have changed. Something has happened to you, and... And you don't know how good it makes me feel. Good night, Francis. Hey, uh, you kissed me. That was for Susan. And for Mary. But then... But... Good night. Will you wake up, Chuck? Come on, come on, I'll get up and get dressed. We can't stay here. Oh, what's the matter? You want to throw you out? No, she's not my wife. She's some kind of a relative, though. But I've got a wife. Well, congratulations. No, no, I mean, Pemberton's got a wife. And I'm a father. I mean, Pemberton's a father. Look, Chuck, all the time this Pemberton's been away, he wouldn't let his wife see the kid, or this Uncle Will's wouldn't. And I just said she could. If we don't get out of here right now, we're going to be in the middle of a family reunion. Just a minute. Do you happen to know how much $3,000 amounts to? Yeah, but now... Listen, chughead. The money down in that safe is our money. If you just don't get excited, we'll have it back. We only have to stay here for the morning. Yeah, but... All right, move over. Why didn't I reenlist? Back to a part in my past, starting Fred McMurray as Eddie York and Marguerite Chapman as Joan. It's early the following morning. In the Pemberton dining room, Grandpa gets up from the breakfast table, walks to the window, and stands gazing out in a state of complete consternation. Cut off my ears and roast them over a slow fire. Grandpa, what's the matter? What did you say? Look out there, Joan. Francis Pemberton not only up at this hour, but out on the lawn playing with his daughter. He's been up for hours. I had breakfast with him. Liquid or solid? He hasn't had a drink since he came home. There's something wrong here. Maybe we've misjudged him. Say, what kind of a look is that on your face? Now, see here, Joan. You ain't big. I ain't beginning anything. And if I were you, the last person I'd tell. It's the spring weather. You better drink some sulfur and molasses. I beg your pardon. Yes, Bert? Mr. Wills is on the phone. Oh, Uncle Wills. Thank you, Bert. Oh, tell Mr. Pemberton, will you please? But didn't you ask him for the combination, Joan? I mean, do I have to? He wouldn't give it to me. Well, pick up the phone, Francis. Well, does Uncle Wills sound mad or anything? What if he isn't mad? I think it's high time you began standing on your own two feet. Well, it's just that I'd rather... Well, here goes. Hello, Uncle Wills? Wills? Well, I just forgot to, I guess. It's about Joe wanting to get to the library safe. Well, I just want to get into it. That's all. Oh, no, no, no. Just give me the combination. Francis, are you sober? Of course I'm sober. Now, look here, Uncle Wills. Are you going to give me the combination or do I have to come down there and shake it out of you? Yes, I have a pencil. Left 21, right 10. Left 7. Left 7. All right, go on. Okay, thanks. Francis, do you realize that you actually talked back to him? You are wonderful. I was, huh? Well, wonderful for you. Oh, uh-huh. Joan, how come you never got married? Well, looking after and Susan in the house has kept me pretty busy, you know. Then I guess the right man just never came along. Uh-huh. You, uh, haven't any commitments at all? No. Why? Oh, I was just thinking that, well, I was natural that I should be interested in your welfare, isn't it? Well, I, uh, I guess I'd better get that money for check. Yes, I guess you had. Joan, it's been nice meeting you. I mean, meeting you all over again. You know, I almost feel the same way myself, Francis. As if I'm, I'm just getting to know you. You like me better this way, huh? Loads better. Well, you'd better get to the safe. Yeah, yeah, I guess I'd better. Well, stop looking so guilty. You remind me of a second story, man, on its way to a win, though. I do? I don't know why I should look like that. Sorry to interrupt, but Mary's here. Oh, good. Where is she, Grandpa? I'm the patio with Susan. Well, Francis, your wife's here. Aren't you going to... Oh, that's right, Mary. Well, I'll try and see her later. Francis, Chuck can wait a minute for his money. Now go on outside and see your wife. Oh, okay, you say so. Hello, Francis. Oh, hello. Francis, you're letting me take Susan. This isn't some kind of a terrible joke, is it? Oh, no, no. You can take Susan any time you like. Why, Francis, what's come over you? Why, you even look different. I do? Well, I've been outdoors quite a bit lately. I had a lot of pressure and exercise. That must be it. Oh, no, that isn't it. It's inside you changed. Why didn't you answer my letters? Your letters? Didn't you get them? It doesn't matter. All it matters is that I'm with my baby again. Francis? Yes, Grandpa? That dang fool detective, he's trying to tell me that... The little girl ain't supposed to leave the house, Mr. Pemberton, unless I go along. That's my orders. Well, uh, now you've got new orders. Okay, Mr. Pemberton. I found Uncle Will, who should be mad, Daddy. Don't you worry about Uncle Will. Francis, you didn't get my letters, did you? No, I didn't. But Uncle Will told you it wasn't true. Neither was the evidence they brought up in the court. You must believe me. Well, uh, Mary, are you... Well, we'd better go along now, Susan. Thank you again for letting me have her. You'll never regret it. Goodbye, Daddy. Goodbye, Susan. Well, son, maybe Lippards don't change their spots, but Doggon, if I ain't seen a pole, can't change his type. Oh, well, uh, Grandpa, I haven't got time to talk to you now. Don't give me that, hanky-panky. Aren't you sure you're the same poisonous scud we used to have around here? Well, are you sure? I'm sure. I'll talk to you later, hanky-panky. You're in an awful hurry to get into that safe. Oh, actually, with the... Well, I'm gonna stay late already with Chuck's money. It won't take you long? Well, no, as long as it takes to open up the safe. That's good, because Uncle Will's is on his way over. Uncle Will? Just phone. Oh, and that ain't all. A couple of men just drove up to see you. Chuck's talking to him now in the library. I think Bert said that Darkwin's name was Arnold. Arnold. What's the matter? Oh, nothing, Grandpa. Nothing. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Mr. Arnold just won't believe it. You are quite right, Mr. Gibson. Mr. Pemberton, you have just gone down ten more minutes of my time with your lies. Now, open that safe. For the last time, my name is Eddie Yorn. Oh, yes, of course. That's why you spent the night here. That's also why your butler said Mr. Pemberton was in. Well, suppose we have a look at that safe. Oh, wait a minute, Mr. Arnold. Mr. Arnold said he wants to open... Uh, uh, better. Open it, Eddie. Oh, okay. Left, 21. Right, 10. Left, 7. There. Now, there. Oh. Oh. Hey, it's empty. Rather like your head, Mr. Pemberton. Well, this brings us to a rather unpleasant necessity. Oh, that's the habit of what it is. Wait a minute. And who is that ill-mannered individual? Well, that must be Uncle Will's. Don't kill him. Coming in and out. A most annoying household, Mr. Pemberton. Come, Mr. Long. Oh, you're leaving? We will wait out here on the terrace until your uncle has seen you. A dislike being involved with family disturbances. But we are not finished, Mr. Pemberton. Francis! Francis! Are you in there? Is that you, Uncle Will's? So, here you are. Oh, hello, Uncle Will's. Who's that fool with you? Does he mean me? I want to talk to you alone. You stay right where you are, Chuck. Well, you are. You're acting rather peculiarly, my boy. Uncle Will's, uh, you said you wanted to talk to me. Well, uh, go ahead and talk. Yeah, we got white to do. Well, you're not well, are you, Francis? You've been drinking. What goes on around here? What do you mean? Well, the detective out at the gate, and Susan not being able to see her mother. Well, those were your own instructions. Oh, that's right. Well, now look, uh, Uncle Will's. From now on, Susan can see her mother any time she wants to. Do you understand? No, I don't. You are not responsible. You think I'd spend two years in court proving Mary's an unfit mother only to have you, uh, white? You poor, deluded imbecile. Unless you keep the custody of Susan, you'll lose half your entire fortune. I thought it was something like that. Look, sir Gallowhead, what about the 3,000 smackers? Oh, so that's why you came back. Well, you don't think we bust into this quail's cage for fun, do you? You better make a $12,000. We don't want to go through that again, you know. Yeah, you better make a $12,000. We don't want to go through that. Oh, I'll give you a check right now. $12,000. But on one condition, uh, what's that? That you go back to Mexico and stay there. Okay. But I want Susan to be able to see your mother. Well, you have my word. That check you're taking after, you're making out cash, aren't you? It's all made out here. I'll have John get your reservation on the afternoon play. Goodbye, Francis. The check. Well, let me see the check. Hey, check. This Chuck's no good. I mean, well, look at it. He made it out to Pemberton. Hey, Uncle Wills. That's your poor Uncle Wills alone. Just endorsing. Endorsing? Well, I can endorse it, Mr. Arnold. It'd be forgery. I am beginning to understand why people like you are so rich. Sign that check before Mr. Long shoots you, please. Listen, you won't be any good. I'll worry about that. Endorsing. Don't say I didn't warn you. Don't, I don't even know what I spelled it right. Ah, that's fine. You don't deserve this, but I am an honest man, even among thieves. Here. Here is your wallet back. And take my advice and burn those phony identification cards. Your $3,000 hasn't been taught. Oh, thanks for showing up. But that check's no good. Get out of here, too. No good? Such a strange sense of humor, Mr. Pemberton. Goodbye. Now that Chuck and I are leaving, Joan, I just wanted to tell you that I... I'm glad you're leaving, Francis. You are? I just heard Uncle Wills phoning Dr. Ben Meader. Francis, if you don't get out of here, they're going to put you in a sanitarium. That's well. Francis. No, I mean, it's the soil that's why you want me to go. Hey, you're really worried about me, aren't you? Yes, I am. That's nice. Joan, do you like mink? What? You know, mink. Look, you suppose you could sort of... Well, I mean, do you think you could take me at face value for... Well, for the time being, that isn't... Joan, I know this all sounds confusing, but you understand, don't you? No, no, of course you don't. But never mind. Everything will be clear to you later. Francis. Perhaps you should see a doctor. No, no, no, I'm fine, Joan. And take care of yourself, huh? Well, yes. I'll be... I'll be seeing you. Okay, Chuck, we're on our way. Just one moment. Francis, you're riding into town with me. I am. What for? To see Dr. Ben Meader. Oh, I'm sorry, I'm going to Beaver Dam. No, no, you're not. Oh, yes, I am. Then I'll hold you here by force. I love... You will, huh? Oh, Francis! You struck me! Oh, you mind if I leave now, Uncle Wills? Boom! And I'm proud of you. Congratulations. Say, uh, Grandpa, will you, uh, kind of look after things around here till I get back? I sure will, Francis. Thanks. Goodbye, Grandpa. Goodbye, Joan. Rich! Rich! Yes, sir? Get that detective in here at once. Why, Mr. Wills, sir, your nose is bleeding. I know my nose is bleeding. Get him in here. I'll look here, you big fool. And you keep your two cents out of this. I have a good mind to have you put out of the house. You can't! It says so on the will. You can't do a cock-eyed thing. Somebody's done for me. I'm on Francis Pemberton. Mr. Pemberton, but he left to your town. Well, let's go. I know where he left. Find him and bring him back. Use force if you have to. He's start raving mad. Well, answer the door, Bert. No, no, no. Don't worry about a thing. I'll have Mr. Pemberton back here. Look. Look at the front door. It's him. Hello, Bert. Well, you haven't changed much in two years. Mr. Pemberton, but you... Don't stand here. Get him. Say, what's going on around here? Hey, I'll take it easy, Bart. Do everything that we all like. That's kind of go all limp, Mr. Pemberton. Or do I got to make it? Hey, will somebody please tell Uncle Will's? What's the matter with this little tech? I'm lonely. It's a good one. Good work. I'll hold him there. Uncle Will's. Grandpa. Hello, Francis. Hey, will somebody say something? Let go of me, dear. Here, Jones and for Dr. Vanmys. Get off of me, you half-wit. This is a fine homecoming. Mr. Will's, may I say something, sir? No. But what shall I tell the driver? Driver? What driver? Hear the door, sir. He's insisting that Mr. Pemberton owes him $11 tax, he fare. What kind of a gag is this? $11 for what? For hauling that guy he's sitting on out here from the airport. You mean you just brought him out from the airport? You half-baked fatfoot. Get off, Mr. Pemberton. You're fired. You mean let him up? It's this fool, Detective Francis. He mistook you for someone else, my boy. An imposter, I knew it. An imposter? Grandpa. Yeah, it could be. Well, Francis, my boy, welcome home from Mexico. Yes, sir, check we're practically on our way to Beaver Dam right now. There's a station down there in the next block. You know, Eddie, this is just where we was yesterday when that fella came up and stopped it. Yeah. You know, it's kind of funny at that. Him walking up like that and saying, Hello, Mr. Pemberton. You know, it was almost like two... Oh, no. Any time you're ready, Mr. Pemberton. No, wait a minute. I'm not going to go through all that again. I think you will. Eddie, the same fella. The same gun. Yeah, it was that check, that check for $12,000. Something like that, yeah. Mr. Arnold's very unhappy. Well, tell Mr. Arnold to move over. So am I. Let's call you... your crooks. Act three of Pardon My Past, starring Fred McMurray as Eddie and Marguerite Chapman as Jones. Poor Eddie York. Trouble, trouble, nothing but trouble. You see, he looks like Francis Thomas. Francis Pemberton owes Mr. Arnold $12,000 and no one will believe that Eddie isn't Pemberton. True, the real Francis Pemberton has just returned home from Mexico. But at this moment, Eddie and his friend Chuck are back in Arnold's apartment with their livid host shaking a large and worthless check under Eddie's nose. For two years, Mr. Pemberton, for two years, you cheat me out of my $12,000. And now you deliberately distort your signature on this check so the bank will not order. Well, how could I sign Francis Pemberton's name if I'm not Francis Pemberton? Please? Please? You are degrading both of us with these childish lies? Mr. Long, go downstairs and get the car. We're going someplace again. Definitely. Your plans have been altered. I'm taking you back home. Mr. Francis, incredible that seems Joan and your imbecilate grandfather here allowed themselves to be taken in by an imposter. But who was the Uncle Will? Why, he looked enough like you to be your own twin brother. Well, your wall-eyed catfish, he was his twin brother. Ask Francis. Go on, ask him. I don't know, Uncle Will. It's possible, I suppose. Mother and Dad told me I was adopted, of course, but they never mentioned a twin brother. I got you, identical twin baby boys, but somebody else had spoken for the other one. That is before they knew what allowed she was going to turn out to be Francis. So, I got a brother. Dead ringer, except he's got a backbone. Joan found them rather pleasing, didn't you, Joan? Yes, I did. Well, it's all ridiculously clear. He knows you're in Mexico. He looks up your ex-wife and treating the two of them they schemed to kidnap Susan. Kidnap Susan? I don't believe it. Oh, don't worry, they won't get far. I'll tell you, Francis, Mary only took Susan for the day. I know it isn't true. Uncle Will's about Mary. Are you sure the things that came out in court, the things you wrote me about, are true? Well, of course, my boy. I've had a lot of time to think things over. I came home because I decided that most of what happened between Mary and me was my fault. Francis. And I thought if I pulled myself together again, maybe we could make a go of it again. But I can't understand Mary doing a thing like this, kidnapping Susan. Son, a woman like that will stoop to anything. But don't worry, I've called the police. Now you're all tied out. Francis, you'd better rest. Yes, I... I think I'll go upstairs. Good. I'll be back later. We'll have a nice, long talk. May I come in, Francis? Oh, Joan. I just came in to tell you I'm leaving. You're leaving? I've made up my mind. Well, Joan, if it's because of what Uncle Will said downstairs, I'm sure he was mistaken. Listen up your eyes. It's not true what he says about Mary. He's only trying to... Oh, what's the use? We've been over this so many times. I'll come in and say goodbye before my cab gets here. Joan. You ring the doorbell. Get out your key, Mr. Pemberton. Open the door. I haven't got a key. I tell you, I don't live here. All of a sudden, a mink farm seems like a nice place to me. Mr. Pemberton. Good evening, sir. Good evening, Bert. We're going into the library for a few minutes. Yes, sir. So there's no need to say anything to the family. We'll be going right out again. Yes, sir. Still, sir, you can't do this, Mr. Honour. I am taking the equivalent of $12,000 from one of your first editions, Mr. Pemberton. If any further explanations are necessary, I will leave them to Mr. Law. Oh, Bert, was that my cab just now? It was him again, Miss. Him? The other Mr. Pemberton, the bogus one. That's a positive, Miss. Why, I just brought Mr. Francis a tray. He's up in his room. Oh, I must notify Mr. Wins this once. Observe, Mr. Pemberton, that I brought along a catalog. You will get full catalog price for these books. Yeah, but it's still robbery. Yeah, I'll tell you, there's your pay. $5,000 for Shakespeare and only $900 for Deccan. Somebody's getting a rock. Good evening. Oh, hello, Joan. We came back. So, I see. I mean, we had to come back because, well, the check wasn't enough. You had to come back with a second hand, man. Please, please, collect her. What you really mean is a receiver of stolen goods, don't you? Joan, I can explain all this. It's honest, I can. It seems to me it explains itself. I was wrong, that's all. And don't let me disturb you. You'll find the jewelry upstairs and the silver in the dining room. Good night. No, Joan, wait. Even your family seems to mistrust you. Well, don't stand there looking at the door, Mr. Pemberton. Here is a pencil and paper. Make a list of these books and then sign them over to me. And please, this time, your correct signature, Mr. Here, where are you going? Get him, Mr. Long. I'll hold him here. Give me that key. I want to play tag. No shooting, Mr. Long. No shooting in here. Get away from that window. Okay, you caught me. You took the key out of the window. There's something phony what's going on. Get the work on the door. Quick, we've got to get Sanford. Joan, where are you? Hello, son. Where is she? I'm in front of the house waiting for her taxi cab. Don't you come near me. Go after her, son. Don't let her get away from you. Wait, I want to talk to you. Where did we go? You finally got the door open. Say, is that thing loaded? It's a scene that he left here in such a hurry after you were locked up in the library. I guess he went for the police. Boss, cops. In my opinion, Mr. Long, this old man is lying. Mr. Pemberton is undoubtedly pursuing that girl. Unfortunately, I'm not sure. Why don't you just blow on it? You got your book. Shut up. Such a ridiculous household. Say, which Pemberton are you boys after, anyhow? Is there more than one? Oh, yes. That's impossible. I want Francis Pemberton. The worst well sure it has been my bad luck to ever come across. That could be him, all right. And I do not believe he went for the police. I could be mistaken. But he may choose to go to the police on a later and equally embarrassing occasion. I cannot take these books without him signing them over to me. Then when that is settled, nothing would give me so much pleasure as to beat your relative within an inch of his conniving life. Do him a world of good. Now, I'll tell you, I'll be back in a minute. Now, don't you go away. Mr. Long, this is an experience we will never forget. All these riches are not the same person in the house. Can I come in, Francis? Hello, Grandpa. In the sleep, huh, Francis? Say, some man downstairs wants to see you. Oh, who is he? Seems to think you owe him a lot of money. I can't imagine who. I'm going to judge your memory, Francis Boy. All right, I'll put on an open condom. Three years, Mr. Here's Francis Temberton. Mr. Arnold. Hey, Eddie. What's the idea to make up? I'll beg your pardon. Cut it out, Eddie. These mugs ain't kiddin'. Mr. Arnold, what are you doing here? What am I... For two fantastic days I have been chasing you and you ask what I am doing here. Oh, you must have been involved with my twin brother. He's been around here impersonating me. No, you're twin brother. He's not at York anymore, Mr. Long. No, now he's somebody's twin brother. Instead of beating you up, I should get ready for this moment as a public service. Oh, this is good. Mr. Arnold. Exactly what do you want? What do I... All right, I will tell you once again. Two years ago, you placed a bet with me. That's right. I lost $12,000 to you at Hyalia. You acted as though you hadn't been paid. And if I hadn't... What I told my uncle to pay, he evidently overlooked it. He certainly did. I'll make you out of check right now. No, no, no. If you don't mind. Why, you never refused to check of mine before. Would you mind writing your name, please? Not at all. There. Francis Pemberton. Are you sure this time the signature is correct? Of course I'm sure. You seem to have an honest face. Is this his signature? Yeah, that's his, all right. Thank you. But when are you going to beat him up? All right, make out the check, Mr. Pemberton. Hey, Grandpa. Is that him? Or him? Oh, that's him. Then where's Eddie? Eddie, hey! Joan, I tell you, I didn't know I had a twin brother. I had to pretend I was Francis. It was my only chance of getting our $3,000 back. You could have told the truth. Well, every time I did, nobody believed me. You wouldn't have believed me, would you? All right, I agree with you. I wouldn't have believed you. And furthermore, I don't believe you now. Oh, Joan, listen. Eddie, is that you? Hey, the guy is back. Pemberton. Yeah, I know. Joan just told me. He's right inside now, paying Arnold off. He is? Joan, this is what I've been trying to tell you. Now I can prove it. I hope I haven't caused you too much inconvenience, Mr. Arnold. Inconvenience? No, no, no, not at all. Just here, here is your bomb check and your wallet with the $3,000 bomb check. Wallet? Well, I can't take this, Mr. Arnold. It is mine. What did you get this check? Why you? No, no, no, no, no, no. Such a strange, strange case. Oh, this must be the check Uncle Will was talking about. Oh, yes, yes. Mr. Long, come. I must get out of here. Coming out of the house, Mr. Arnold? Yeah, you still got our $3,000. Hey, Mr. Arnold. Look, Henry, what we just left to me... Mr. Long, certain things are beginning to dawn upon me. Well, you've got your money, didn't you, from Mr. Pemberton in there? Just a minute, just a minute here. You are on the terrace and inside the house, sitting in that library where the light is... Mr. Long, the house is Pemberton. So could I please have my wallet? Yes, I am beginning to understand. Then you are... Eddie York, that's what I've been trying to tell you. Sure, we're mink ranchers. Only we ain't got a mink or a ranch. Well, well, well... Mr. Long, we made such a mistake. Now, some jokes. Mr. Arnold, my wallet. Oh, yes, yes. Mr. York, I have done your grave injustice. My profound apologies and your wall. Thanks. Here, now look, John. You see, there's our $3,000. Now do you believe me? Yes, I do believe you. Then let's go, Eddie, huh? We're off to the mink. Eddie, before you leave, would you go in and talk to Francis? What do I want to talk to him for? But he thinks Mary kidnapped Susan. He does? Kidnapped? Well, he can't be that stupid, can he? Couldn't anybody explain to him? Yes, someone did explain, Uncle Will. Oh, I see. And Uncle Will just called the police. Well, all right, I'll talk to him. But, Joan, before I go in, there's something I want to tell you. Chuck, will you keep an eye on Joan's bags down the driveway there? Huh? Oh, I get it. Sure. Well, I'm more. You know, Joan, when I talked to you this afternoon, when I thought Chuck and I were leaving, well, I know I said a lot of things that didn't make sense then, but at the time I figured the sensible thing to do was for Chuck and me to go on the beaver dam, and then after we got all set, why I was going to come back and ask you to marry me. You were Eddie? Yeah, but, well, I didn't go and now you're leaving the house and that changes everything, doesn't it? Well, yes, I guess it does. But I think it's better this way, don't you? Because now we can all go to beaver dam together and, well, while you're fixing up the house, Chuck, and I can be out working with the minks and... How's that sound to you? Well, Eddie, I think it would be just... Eddie, Eddie! I know you ain't interested, but do you hear that siren? The police! Yeah, coming up the driveway. Yeah, I'll take care of this. Eddie, but how? Look, that's Mary and Susan in the car. They found them. Yeah, I've been Francis Pemberton for two days now. I guess I can stand it for five minutes more. But if Francis could come out and found out... Don't worry, if he does try to come out stalling. I don't know Eddie, I don't know... Don't hurry up to here. Oh, uh, good evening, officers. You'll miss the Pemberton? That's right. Well, we got him. Oh, you and the little girl can get out now, lady. I'm, uh, I'm afraid there's been a little mistake, officers. Well, miss here is her, ain't it? Well, yes. Francis, what a horrible thing to do. Well, I'm sorry, Mary. They're not going to take Mommy to jail, are they? Oh, no, of course not, Susan. I'm very sorry about all this, officers. I thought this was a kidnapping. Well, no, not exactly. Well, yes, to pick him up, didn't you? Well, yes, I did, but, uh, it was a mistake. Say, what kind of a razzle-dazzle are you people trying to pull? You think we're running a taxi service? A minute I heard it was Pemberton. I said to myself... Well, you did your duty, officers. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. You better watch your steps, see? Wasting the taxpayer's money. Come on, Gus, let's get out of this booby joint. Francis, you must be out of your mind to humiliate me like this. You told me I could take Susan. You told me so yourself. I know, Mary. Then what happened? Well, Mary, I, uh, look, uh, Joan's inside. Why doesn't Susan run in and, uh, Joan can put her to bed? She looks all tired out. Well, maybe you'd better, darling. Mommy will be in a minute. Yes, Mommy. Good night, Daddy. Uh, good night, Susan. Mary, uh, Mary, all I can say is that I didn't do what you think I did. It was Uncle Will's. Uncle Will's? Yes. Well, you don't have to shout, Francis. Did Uncle Will's know when he telephoned the police that I had Susan with your commission? Well, you see, I... How were you two weeks' need to tell him? Oh, I was so hopeful this morning. It wasn't just that you let me take Susan. He seemed so chained, so different. I see how mistaken I was. Uncle Will has you so completely hypnotized that you've absolutely no mind of your own anymore. You're the way you are, and I guess there's... Is that Grandpa there in the library window? Yes, that's Grandpa. I didn't realize we had an audience, Grandpa. Well, don't let me interrupt you, Mary. I don't know what an audience is a good thing sometimes. I think maybe you're right, Grandpa. If he had any brains in that skull of his, Francis Pemberton would do a little thinking. Well, I... I'll go in and say good night to Susan, and I'll leave. I want to talk to you again, Mary. I wouldn't do you any good. Well, don't say that. You're a swell person, and I've treated you terribly. If I have any sense at all, and I hope I have, why, it might do a lot of good. I'll be waiting for you in the library, Mary. All right, Francis. Hello, Grandpa. Burzing Mary. Oh, there he is. Eddie Boy, you're wonderful. Are you sure Francis heard what we said? He's no account, but he ain't deep. I was sitting right next to him in the library. We heard every word. Now, when Mary comes down... I told her to meet me in the library. Don't worry, Francis will be there. He can pick up where you left off or not, but I still think it's best that Mary never finds out there was two of you. Uh, just maybe you're right. Daddy? Oh, John. Grandpa, will you excuse us a minute? Oh, sure, sure. Lots of things happened around this house tonight. First Chuck. You never did get a chance to answer him about Beaver Dam, I mean. How about it? Well, Eddie, it sounds wonderful, but getting married is something a girl ought to have a little time to think about. Oh, sure, sure, I understand. I'll give you two minutes. Pardon me. Oh, Chuck. In case anybody cares, there's another car coming up. Uncle Will. If he gets a chance to talk to Francis before... Look, do you think Francis would listen if Uncle Will's told him himself? Of course he would. That's all I wanted to know. Chuck, start walking down the drive. I want Uncle Will to see you. Hmm? Oh! Okay, mastermind. And, John, you'd better get out of sight. And keep thinking about that, will you? I ain't had so much fun in years. I'll just stand here in the terrace and hope for the best. Hi, Uncle Will. Talk to your house, you old snout. Oh, so it's you, is it? Yeah, you want to make something out of it? I'll attend to you later. Is that you, Grandpa? It ain't safety clause. Well, did they get him? That imposter? Yes, they got him. He's in the library, Will's. We're just waiting for the police to take him away. Uh, Uncle Will, I haven't time for you down, Francis. I've got a few things to say to that criminal in there. But I want to know what's going on. He's made some pretty serious charges. Charges? What charges? Against you. All right, that's ridiculous. And while I was away, Mary wrote me some letters. What happened to them? I destroyed them. Anything I've done has been done entirely in your own interest. Now, I want you to go to your room, Francis. You just wait a minute. I found out that Mary didn't kidnap Susan. She thought she had my permission. And you knew that when you called the police. I'll explain everything later. Now, you go to your room until I call you. I have a few things to say to that imposter. Well, my fine-friended friend, it didn't work out, did it? No, I guess it didn't. Coming here posing as Francis Pemberton. What kind of a child do you think I am? But I understand you made some charges against me. There'll be a few more, too. There's absolutely nothing you could do that could embarrass me in any way. It merely happens that because this stupid nephew of mine is back here mooning over his ex-wife, you'll have a sort of temporary nuisance value to me. Oh, I have. So I'll make you a proposition. Promise to get out of town, and I'll make good that check I gave you this morning. If you don't, I guarantee to put you behind the bars for 20 years. Do I make myself clear? Very clear. Good. Now, take off that robe and get out of this house immediately. Thanks, Uncle Wills, for letting me know how stupid you think I am. What are you talking about? About a little mistake you've made. I'm Francis. Francis? I just sent Francis up to his room. I know, I heard you talking to him. Except it wasn't Francis. It was my twin brother. Uncle Wills, I don't know exactly what you're trying to pull, lying to me about Mary and sending me off to Mexico. But whatever it is, it's all over. No, wait a minute, Francis. I can explain. You can save your explanation for the auditors, because I intend to find out for whose benefit you've been managing my affairs. Now get out of here. What's my dear boy, Francis? I said get out of here. I said get out of here. Stay out. Francis, you've done it. And write down the smiles again. Francis, yes. Mary, don't say anything, Mary. Just try to forgive me. And stay here. Please stay here. Oh, darling. Darling. Francis has come to his senses at last, thanks to you. Yeah. You know, Grandpa, I kind of wish I'd met him at that. He'd be worth meeting now. Yeah, but I don't think now's quite the time, Grandpa. Eddie, can we please get out of here? What about them men? Well, that's right. Well, come on, Joan. But, Eddie, I haven't said I'd go yet. Well, that's right. You haven't, have you? Well, will you? Of course she will. Won't you? Well, well, I... Well, yes. There you are. Goodbye, Eddie. Goodbye, Grandpa. Goodbye, Joan, dear. Goodbye, Chuck. Go on, Grandpa. Hey, wait a minute. That's my call. That's right, Uncle. And you're driving us into town, aren't you? Well, most certainly I'm not. Yeah. Oh, very well. Get in. Everything's all set, Joan. We can get on the train in five minutes. Just a minute. Oh, no. Oh, relax, Mr. York. Relax. I forgot for a minute. Here, here. This box with my compliments. For me, Mr. Arnold? Open it. Now, look out, Eddie. It's probably a bomb. I regret so much the inconvenience. Of course. You're a little gesture of apology. Eddie! Hey, this is wonderful, Mr. Arnold. Chuck, look. What are they, rats? Eddie, damn me. Sure they're me. Sad degree. The heat of the paper. Yes, I don't know what to say, Mr. Arnold. Joan, this puts us right in business. They're beautiful. Mr. Arnold, thanks. If you ever get to be with them, you look us up, huh? Well, thank you. Well, goodbye, Mr. York. Goodbye, Miss. Goodbye, Clark. Chuck. Oh, I'd love to see you happy. Well, you know, Joan, we've been so busy, I haven't had a chance to tell you how pretty you are. Well, you can start right now. All right. Here, hold this box, Chuck, will you? I hope I don't have to listen to this mush all the way to Wisconsin. Chuck can ride in the club car, can he, Eddie? Sure, Chuck in the minks. If anybody ever told me I'd wind up as nice-mate to a couple at... Hey, Eddie. Hey, Eddie. Oh, what's the matter? The box. Something's happened to him, or I got the DTs. Why is it... Yes, they have. One, two, three, four, five. Five kittens. Eddie, what do you know? 250% profit already. Ha-ha. Our sponsor, the makers of Lux Toilet Chokes, join me in inviting you to be with us again next Monday evening when the Lux Radio Theatre brings you Joan Blondel, Paul Lucas, and Bill Williams in Deadline at Dawn. This is William Keely saying goodnight to you from Hollywood. In these days of wanton starvation all over the world, it seems almost wicked to wait. That's why it's so necessary for women everywhere to continue to save every drop of used kitchen fat. These fats can be put to industrial use, and more edible fats can thus be released for Europe. At the same time, more fine oils will be available to keep you supplied with the soaps you want here at home. You help all around then when you pour used fats and grease into the fat salvage can and take it to your butcher. He'll pay you four cents for every pound you turn in. The USO Camp shows, supported by Hollywood stars and studios, this month have been awarded the Joint Army and Navy Citation for their unique outstanding service during the war time. Hollywood entertainers traveled over five million miles to entertain GIs from Greenland and New Guinea, in hospitals and outposts and in combat areas around the world. A contribution from the motion picture industry to our American morale. This program is broadcast to our men in uniform overseas through cooperation with the Armed Forces Radio Service. Our music was directed by Louis Silver. And this is your announcer, John Milton Kennedy, reminding you to tune in again next Monday night to hear Deadline at Dawn with John Blondell, Paul Lucas, and Bill Williams.