 Today, we're going to be talking about what I don't want you to die like. We're going to talk about the five regrets of the dying and every once in a while I like to talk about this because I think people forget they're going to die, like they know they're going to die. I think we all know it's going to happen, but we all like to kind of act like it's not going to happen and one of the things that Stoics are really big on and the Stoic philosophy is pondering your own death every day and that might seem very morbid to you, but when you ponder your own death every single day, it makes you, number one, be more present. But number two, stop worrying about all the bullshit that doesn't really matter and start focusing on the things that really do matter and so there's this great book called The Five Regrets of the Dying and I'll basically summarize the entire thing for you today so you don't have to read it, but it's about this lady who works in hospice care. She's a nurse that works in hospice care and for those of you guys that don't live in the U.S., hospice is basically where somebody goes when they are going to die. They're terminally ill, they don't have a whole lot of time left and she worked in hospice for eight years and one thing that she noticed is that when these people got so close to death, they became very honest, they started being open and they started telling her things about their lives that they never told anybody else and one of the things that she noticed was that a lot of them had regrets like of things they wish they would have, like they're at the very end of their life, this one life that they have and they're starting to tell her all of the regrets they have and so she has, you know, all of these different regrets that she's kind of compiled and she realizes that the majority of them kind of just fit into five different regrets that people had when they're at the end of their life and it's a really good book because you can learn from other people's mistakes and so what I want to do is actually tell you about these mistakes and these regrets that they have so that you can hopefully learn from it and learn from other people's mistakes and make adjustments in your own life and so I'm going to go through each one of them with you and then we're going to figure out what we can learn from each one of them so the first one is I wish I had the courage to live a life that was true to myself and not the life that other people expected of me so the number one regret she said it was like a extremely high percentage of people at the end of their lives their number one regret was that they wish they lived a life that was true to themselves and not what other people expected of them holy crap like just think about that for a second most people live their lives trying to fit in they don't follow their passions because they're too afraid of what other people might think or what they might say and their main regret is that they didn't live the life that they personally wanted to they lived the life that they think their parents wanted them to that society wanted them to that their spouse wanted them to and now they're at the end of the life and thinking to themselves I wish I would have done what truly was the most important to me what let me up the most and so isn't it crazy that we allow what other people think about us in their opinions of what we not even always what they think about us but what we think they might think about us change our entire life in the course of our life and so we only have one life and we're floating on this tiny little rock going thousands of miles an hour in infinite space surrounded by trillions of stars and planets and all kinds of other things out there and we're worried about what maybe one other person might think about us and then when you take a step back you realize that people are so busy thinking about themselves they're usually not even thinking about you in the first place and so it's not even what they're thinking about us it's what we think they might think about us and we let that get in the way of the one life that we get to live like how crazy is that and she said one lady that was named Grace before she passed away she regretted that she wasn't living a life that was true to herself and she she said something to her and she said live true to your own heart don't ever worry about what other people think promise me that before I die and so Grace literally was on her deathbed and talked to the nurse and was like just promise me you'll live a life that is true to what you want and so what can we learn from this what can we learn from this regret that other people have so that we don't have it we need to live a life that's on our terms we need to stop caring what other people think if you're not hurting other people then you should be doing what it is that you want to do you know if you can't stop thinking about it don't stop working for it there's this thing that's probably inside of you and might have been inside of you for five years ten years twenty years twenty five years thirty years whatever it is you're like man I just really want to paint or I just really want to start that jewelry company or I just really want to open up my own tech shop or I really just want to play guitar on the road or whatever it is and it's this thing that's been like it's been there for a long time like if you can't stop thinking about it don't stop working for it like you've got to work for it and to hell with what other people think about you because they're barely thinking about you in the first place they're usually so caught themselves they're not thinking about you so that's the first one that they have in the first thing that we can learn number two the second most common regret was that I wish I hadn't worked so hard and she said this mostly came from a lot of men and you know I think I love working hard I love hard work and I do believe that hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard but I do also believe in having downtime I do believe there's a there's a balance in life I have overworked myself I have burnt myself out you know I used to work when I was younger and I had my very first company it's like a hundred and ten hours a week for three years and I burnt myself out and I do work really hard now but the thing is I also disconnect you know that was back when I was 24 about to be you know 37 now and so I've realized that there's balance in life you can't be so caught up making a living that you forget to have a life and so that's one of the important things in life is that yeah work I think you should work your ass off I do but I also think that you should take a step back and enjoy the life that you've built as often as possible and you know she speaks of a man you may have heard me say this before in the podcast but she speaks about a guy who worked really hard for a company for 15 years and he saved up and he saved up for his retirement and his goal and it's not even his goal his plan with his wife was to travel once he retired they had these plans and all these places were going to go in so much fun they were going to have and then right when he was supposed to retire he said honey give me one more year like I'm almost there I could retire now but if I got one more year of savings I think we'd be even more set just to make sure that we have enough money to do even more fun things and so she waited she had kids over the 15 20 30 years that he had worked in the last year she was like okay if you want to add an extra year you can add an extra year so he added an extra year of work and three months before he retired like for the extra year she passed away and he was alone and he wasn't able to go to those places he wasn't able to travel and so you know there's actually a quote that he said and he said in the book I wish I hadn't worked so hard I was a damn fool I worked too damn hard and now I'm a lonely dying man the chase of closing a deal became addicting to me this wonderful woman waited so patiently for me to retire and now of course as I sit here dying I see that just being a good person is more than enough in life why do we depend so much on the material world to validate us it's just the chase for more in the need to be recognized through our achievements and belongings and these hinder us from the real things in life like times with loved ones that we love time doing things that we love to do there's nothing wrong with loving what you do but now I see it's all really about balance and so this guy lived his entire life worked his ass off worked an extra year when he was supposed to retire he could have had nine months of traveling with his wife before she passed away but he decided to work an extra year and didn't get to do any of the traveling and so yes work your ass off I think that you definitely should but you also got to have a balance you've got to if you work really really hard you've also got to play really really hard you've got to disconnect really really hard and so what can we learn from this it's okay to love what you do it's okay to work hard it's okay to have something that you're passionate about but you got to have balance also you know if you're just working for material things eventually you realize that none of those things actually matter in the first place like for me yeah material things are cool and I've bought some cool shit over my life but like what I really care about is experiences like that's what I'm here to do on this plane is to experience things and go places and have fun and taste foods and meet people right and it's like if you're just working to buy things and to keep up with the Joneses and get a new car every two years I don't think that's really what we should be working for it's kind of like that that fight club quote where he says advertising has us chasing cars and clothes working jobs that we hate so that we can buy stuff that we don't need to impress people we don't like right so don't you know work hard but don't work so hard that you don't actually live your life so that's the second one number three is that I wish I had the courage to express my feelings and she gives an example of a man who she took care of that was a holocaust survivor who was at the end of his life and was sad that he never really let anybody in and he kind of built a wall after the after the holocaust and what he went through which understandably so but he kept the armor up and because he kept the armor up he said to where he's like man I just feel like I didn't let anybody in I didn't find who I was and I wasn't able to connect with people on the deeper level and he regretted because he felt like his his wife and kids never really knew who he was and he just kind of closed his feelings off and never actually connected fully with people and so he regretted never being vulnerable with them and never really letting his true stuff out and so your feelings are valid and one of the things that we do is we suppress feelings and we don't share them and we don't be vulnerable with people and we don't let people really truly see who we are and if we're doing that then we're basically just showing them a character character of who we think that we are and so you know one of the things that that people say is is they didn't feel like they truly connected with people because they were just so afraid of expressing their feelings and so what can we learn from this try to connect with people try to let your armor down you don't have to let your armor down for everybody we've all got it but who are the people that you really want to connect with the closest your spouse your children your family what who are those people and then allow those people to see you and when you let your armor down they'll let their armor down and it'll be a safe space for both of you and so that's something we can learn from this is to you know express your feelings if you feel like they need to be expressed so that's the third one the fourth one is that I wish I stayed in touch with my friends and so one of the things they notice that she notices that so many of these people they're getting to the end of their life and they're lonely like very lonely and the reason why was because they either worked too hard or they didn't you know they concentrated on their family and they didn't keep in touch with their friends and they're at the end of their life and some of their loved ones die and their children move off and all of this and they're alone all by themselves because they didn't keep up with their friends and they're sitting there and they're like man there's so many people I got too busy with work I got too busy with family and they regretted not keeping in touch with the people who were important to them that weren't blood to them and part of their family and they regretted not having the relationships they built over years in years and years and letting life and family get in the way and so it's good to have those things it's good to have a business and career and family and spouse and all of that stuff but there is also a need to have other people to connect with and have to you know even if it's just a few deep connections with other people as well and so what can we learn from this why don't we make a list of people who who we really want to matter in our our lives outside of our family friends people that are acquaintances and maybe want to build better relationships with and people that you can you know connect with and stay in touch with those who actually truly matter to you and let's not let everyday life get in the way of being too busy and not being able to build the relationships that we want and so if you think about that like who's a friend that you haven't seen in a while who's someone who's like damn I really need to connect with them it's been a while since I've sent them a message maybe I could go get some dinner with them or some lunch with them and even if it's just a handful two three four friends just build those real deep connections with those people as well so that's what we can learn and then number five the fifth one is that I wish I let myself be happier it's an interesting one I wish I let myself be happier and this one can be challenging because we constantly see advertisements that are telling us that we're not good enough and we're telling us that you know you're not good enough until you buy our product and you're not pretty enough and you know your cars and your houses are not good enough and you need to keep up with the Joneses and it's easy to feel like we're never enough and to not be happy and so what we're always doing is we're projecting into the future of what we want what we desire and we're thinking about those things all the time and not actually just taking a step back and being like man my life is pretty good my life is pretty awesome I have built some amazing things and there's there's definitely things to be grateful for and so with being happier is just like how can I focus more on gratitude and the great thing that's about happiness is happiness is just a choice like you can choose to be happy at any moment it's not some BS lofty fairy dust sprinkling phase or a phrase that you have but it's like you can literally just decide to be happy right now it's a decision it's not based off of circumstances it's based off of the way that you think about your circumstances and so we have to allow ourselves to be happy and be grateful for what we have and for the people that we have and for our health and for you know whatever it is the health of the people that are around you you got food water shelter clothing a couple people that love you they're so much to be grateful for instead of thinking I'm not where I should be or I want to be further along or I need to get that next buy that next thing or go to that next place take a step back and be like oh shit things are actually pretty decent right now and allow yourself to be grateful and realize that you are enough as you are there's nothing that you could ever do or achieve or create there's no amount of money that would ever make you more or less than what you currently are right now and so it's really about deciding to be happy in this moment without needing anything else and so what can we learn from this be grateful just decide to be happy and so those are the five regrets of the dying once again let me go through them one more time so you can make sure that you don't make regrets and mistakes the same way that these people did number one is I wish I had the courage to live a life that was true to myself and not the life that others expected of me number two was that I wish I hadn't worked so hard number three is that I wish I had the courage to express my feelings number four I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends then number five I wish I let myself be happier so that's what I got for you for today's episode if you love this episode and you want to help this message spread please do me a favor right now go ahead and share this on your instagram stories and tag me at rob dial jr that is how this message spreads and that's how it continues to grow and I greatly greatly appreciated every single time I see it on my instagram stories that you guys are sharing the hell out of it so I appreciate that and with that I'm gonna leave the same way I leave you every single episode make your mission to make someone else's day better I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day