 All right, so some exposition before we get going. I'm going to do a parody of a SNL skit from the 90s. So they have these things between sketches. You'd see a nice picture. Calm voice would come on saying that they're going to tell you a really inane joke. So these are all tongue-in-cheek jokes. Don't take them seriously, please. And now, deep thoughts by not Jack Handy. Maybe in order to understand DevOps, we have to look at the word itself. Basically, it's made up of two separate words, divo and pss. What do these words mean? It's mystery. And that's why so is DevOps. I can picture in my mind a world without servers, a world that's hashtag serverless. And I can picture us running VMs in container run times in that world because they'd never expect it. To me, it's always a good idea to keep a full whip limit of tasks on your Kanban board. That way, if anybody says, hey, can you give me a hand? You can say, sorry, got these tasks. If a junior engineer asks where outages come from, I think a cute thing to tell them is, the server is crying. And if they ask why the server is crying, another cute thing to tell them is, probably because of something you did. To me, orchestration is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and it never quite works correctly after staging. If I ever get good at DevOps, I hope I'm not mean to my developers like I am now. If you knew two organizations, one named Google and one named Docker, which one would you think containers more? I'd say Docker, but I'd be wrong. It was Sun. It's easy to sit there and say you'd like more engineering time from other teams. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy, just sitting there, not doing any engineering, wanting that time from them. One day, one of my junior engineers came up to me and asked me how DNS works. I had to laugh, laugh and laugh because I didn't know. And I thought maybe by laughing, they would forget what they asked me. Breaking changes from semantic versioning not being followed don't upset me. I just think, why did they think I'd follow that standard? If you go through a lot of servers every week, I don't think it necessarily means you've got a great immutable infrastructure. It may just mean that you have a lot to learn about proper server maintenance. If containers could scream, would we be so cavalier about typing Dockerkill? We might if they screamed all the time for no reason. My manager always thought that laughter was the best medicine for burnout, which is why I guessed the entire team quit. If there was an organization called VMware, I bet it would really start to annoy you after a while, how they sort of really stretch the definition of a VM. Junior engineers need encouragement. If a junior gets an answer right, tell them it was a lucky guess. That way, they develop a good lucky feeling. The old operations engineer had fixed many an outage in their life, but now it was time for them to remove their database accounts. When they did, all applications lost database access. Sorry, the engineer said with a smile. All right, I'm Josh Zimmerman. That's my Twitter handle. This has been a parody of Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy. Credit to go to him for these jokes. A couple people did help me whittle these jokes down from like 30 something to the 16 you saw here. So thanks to them. I'm also one of the organizers for DevOps Days Madison. You should think about sponsoring, submitting to our CFP, which closes tonight at 11.59 p.m. CDT, or even just coming up and having a good conference with us. So that's, I think, my time. Give it up for the Ignites!