 Mother, is Maxwell House the best coffee in the whole world? Well, your father says so, and your father knows best. Yes, it's Father Knows Best, transcribed in Hollywood, starring Robert Young as father. A half-hour visit with your neighbors, the Andersons. Brought to you by Maxwell House, the coffee that's bought and enjoyed by more people than any other brand of coffee at any price. Maxwell House, always good to the last drop. Today, being the 22nd of February, the people of America are engaged in a nationwide celebration, honoring the birth of the man who was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen. In Springfield, in the White Frame House on Maple Street, the celebration has reached a melodic and spirited climax, like this. Happy birthday, dear father. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, father. Thank you for both George Washington and myself, I say thank you. Speech. Ladies and gentlemen. Don't you think you'd better blow out the candles before they drip all over the cake? Okay. Hang on to your chairs, kids. This is going to be like blowing out a forest fire. It gets harder every year. Now, suppose we forget about the speech and concentrate on the cake. May I have your plate, Margaret? Just a small piece, dear. All right. There you are. Jim, I said a small piece. Well, it's my birthday. I'm in a generous mood. Betty? Thank you, father. But? Don't worry about getting mine too big, dad. All right. How's that? Jim, not the whole cake. Leave him alone, mom. He's doing fine. Boy. Bud, when you feel the explosion coming on, give us time to step back. Okay, dad. Kathy? Is it all right if I don't eat any cake, daddy? Why, Kathy? What's the matter, kitten? Don't you feel well? Oh, just don't want any cake. That's all. Are you sure, Kathy? Yes, daddy. I'm sure. Well, okay. Why don't you open the presents, father? Don't you think I ought to have a chance to eat my cake? It'll only take a minute, dad. But if I... Well, okay. Let's see now. This one says, with all my love, Margaret. Thank you, dear. I hope you like it. I'm sure I will. Daddy, may I please be excused? What for? Don't you want to see what I say? That's beautiful. And it's exactly what I needed. What is it? Gin. Oh, it's... It's a golf pouch for your belt. And it's real leather. Oh, I see. Tees on the outside, money on the inside. That's a good idea. Thank you, honey. You're welcome, dear. Ah, this is a big one, isn't it? Happy birthday, father dear. Lots of joy this coming year. May your troubles all be petty, lovingly your daughter, Betty. Oh. Never mind, bud. That's very sweet, Betty. Thank you very much. You're welcome, father. Don't you think I ought to go upstairs and do my homework? Why, Kathy, we're having a party. This is no time to do homework. Wow. They're binoculars, father. I know, but... The man said you could see practically anything with them. That's fine, but... These are kind of expensive, aren't they? Where'd you get the money to buy them? Oh, I just made the down payment. I see. And I'm supposed to... There's only a balance of $85, father. Oh, that's nice. Especially when I need binoculars like I need an extra head. You mean you don't like them? Oh, I like them fine. I can use them for finding people who want to buy insurance. Jim, I'm sure Betty won't mind if you turn them in for something more practical. Will you, Betty? No, but he doesn't have to before Monday, does he? What happens on Monday? Well, not Monday, father. You see, Stanley Lawson is a bird watcher. And Sunday, he's going to take me out and show me how you watch birds. With my binoculars. Well, I didn't think you'd mind if I borrowed them just this once. You can watch them through Stanley Lawson's binoculars. One eye apiece. Jumping creepers. Open mine up, dad. $85. Jim, Bud's present. Oh, I'm sorry, Bud. I'll, uh... Well, now that's a tender sentiment. What does it say? From Bud. Isn't that nice? Jim. Oh, gee. I don't know how to write poetry or anything. Is this one all paid for? Sure. You don't have to write poetry. Father. There's nothing I like better than... Well, a camera. Bud. It's got a flash attachment and everything. It's, uh, very nice. Of course you realize that I've already got a camera. I know, but you would never lend it to me. I see. Uh, thank you very much, Bud. You're welcome. Well, I guess that takes care of the presents. Kathy? Better go inside and practice. Kathy, what about your present? I don't have any present, Mommy. Honey, it doesn't make any difference. I gave her $0.50 to buy a present, and I want to know what happened to it. Oh. Well... Kathy? Didn't I tell you about that, Mommy? Oh, it was awful. What was? What happened to the $0.50? I was going down to Mr. Crandall's drugstore to buy the present, you know the empty store next to Mr. Crandall's? Yes. Well, nine men with beards on and great big guns jumped out of the store and grabbed me, and they knocked me down and they took my $0.50, and one of them said, you better not tell anybody or we'll kill you. Well, they did, and I said, you better give me back my $0.50. That's to buy a birthday present for my daddy. And then they all said, ha-ha. And then they ran away. Tim, I have never... Just a minute, honey. Is that all, Kathy? I couldn't help it, Daddy. There were nine of them. Holy cow, if you believe us... Never mind, bud. I'll handle this. Kathy? Yes, Daddy? You're sure there were only nine men? Yes, Daddy. With beards? And guns. Sounds like the old Capone gang. That's who they looked like. Yes. What's that spot on the front of your dress? Spot? Looks like chocolate, doesn't it, Margaret? It is chocolate. Maybe one of the men had chocolate on his gun and one he stuck me up. Why don't you tell us the truth? Oh, but it is the truth, Daddy. I was walking down the street. All right, never mind. Margaret, why don't you and Bud and Betty see what's doing in the kitchen? I'd like to have a little talk with Kathy. All right, dear. Come on, Betty, Bud. We'll start on the sandwiches for the poker party. Nine men with beards. What about my cake? Bring it with you and stop talking with your mouth full. Boy, she'd beamed up a pip this time, didn't she? Bud, you're getting crumbs all over the floor. Kathy? Yes, Daddy? Now would you like to tell me the truth? About what, Daddy? About the 50 cents. Oh, but I did. I was walking along, minding my business. Went out of an orange-colored sky. What? Never mind. How many sodas did you have this afternoon? Why, Daddy, I didn't have any. Kathy. I see. I couldn't help it, Daddy. I only meant to have one. And the first thing I knew, the whole 50 cents was gone. Well, why didn't you tell me that in the first place? I didn't want you to spank me. So you made up that horrible lie. Well, it was the only one I could think of. Kathy, what are we going to do with you? I don't know. Of all the days to tell a lie. George Washington's birthday. And yours, too. Do you realize that in his whole life, George Washington never told a single lie? He didn't? He certainly didn't. When he chopped down his father's cherry tree, he said, I cannot tell a lie. I did it with my little hatchet. Did he get spanked? Of course not, because he told the truth. And when he grew up and the people were looking for a president to be father of this country, they said, let's get George Washington. He never gets into trouble. Of course, in those days, there weren't any music critics. I get to be the father of... It's possible. Heaven help us. Kathy, do you know what I'd like for a president more than anything in the world for you to tell the truth? The whole truth and nothing but the truth. You mean that's all you want? That's all. And you won't be mad at me anymore? I'll be the happiest father in Springfield. Daddy, I won't ever tell another lie. That's a promise now. Oh, yes, Daddy. All right. We'll see what happens. Jim, I don't want to interrupt. It's all right, honey. We've got everything all settled. I'm going to be the president. What? That's fine, dear. Jim... That's what I'm giving Daddy for his birthday. All right, Kathy. Jim... Ask me anything, and I'll tell you the truth. Kathy... Anything at all. Jim, if you're going to play poker tonight, don't you think you'd better get the table ready? Good grief. Is that what time it is? I don't care what you ask me. But... I'll tell you nothing but the truth. You want me, Dad? Give me a hand with a poker table like a good fellow. Okay. How can I tell the truth if nobody asks me anything? Kathy, go into the kitchen and help Betty with the dishes. But I want to tell the truth. Why don't you just handle it as it comes along? How can I if nobody asks me anything? They will. When? I think the table's down in the playroom, Dad. But... Ask your sister something. What? Ask me, bud, please, about anything. I don't want to know anything. What's the matter with her? I don't know. I think maybe I sold her too large a policy. All right, Kathy, into the kitchen. It is. I hope you haven't started something we can't control. Don't worry about it, honey. If I know Kathy, it'll wear off in ten minutes. What will, Dad? What worries me is that ten minutes. Honey, a simple thing like this can't cause any trouble. What can't, Dad? You certainly can't get into trouble telling the truth, can you? Who can't, Dad? Bud, can't you ever keep still? About what, Dad? She went tearing out the back door shouting she was going to show everybody. Jim. And she hasn't even got a sweater on. What's the matter with that child? All I said to her was... I did it! Kathy, come in here. I did it, Daddy. I cannot tell a lie. I did it with a little hatchet. You did what? I chopped out... It comes to child psychology. Father might just as well let mother take over. But so many other times, ladies, it's that man of yours who's the expert worth listening to. For example, when it comes to coffee, wonderfully good coffee, that spells the most in pure pleasure for your family, your husband is the world's greatest expert. No two ways about it. The number one expert on coffee is your husband. Now, you might say we're experts too. Coffee's our business. And our Maxwell House coffee is enjoyed by more families than any other brand at any price. But at home, when you pour the coffee, the final judge, he's your husband. And tomorrow, if you'll pour him a cup of our Maxwell House, we promise he'll smile from ear to ear and say, Marvelous! Best coffee ever. We're sure he'll say that. So sure we'll give you your money back if he doesn't. The truth is, we know no coffee tastes like Maxwell House, because no coffee's made like Maxwell House. That famous good to the last drop flavor comes from just one thing, our recipe. A recipe demanding certain fine coffees blended just so. And only Maxwell House has this recipe. So get a pound of Maxwell House tomorrow. Serve it to your husband. If he doesn't say best coffee ever, why just send us the can and unused portion and we'll gladly refund every penny you paid. Our address is right on every blue tin. Tomorrow, then, serve your family America's favorite brand of coffee, Maxwell House coffee. Always good to the last drop. It's less than an hour later. And for some reason, we're reminded of what the poet Milton said in his immortal paradise regain. Hard are the ways of truth and rough to walk. Of course, we aren't sure, but isn't it just possible that the poet Milton might have had a daughter like Kathy Anderson? I did too. You did not. I certainly did. You certainly didn't. But what's going on out there? I did her. Dad, do you know what she did? She called Evelyn Finney and told her I sent a Valentine to Nancy Moore. Well, it was the truth, wasn't it? Jim, I told you in the beginning. Kathy. You said you wanted me to tell the truth. Evelyn said she was never going to talk to me again, and it's all her fault. It is not my fault. It certainly is. It certainly isn't. Well, wait a minute, both of you. Kathy, did you call Evelyn Finney? Sure, I called her. I had to tell her the truth, didn't I? Mother. Oh, dear. Mother did she tell Billy? Oh, there you are. Just wait a minute, Daddy. Leave her alone, Betty. But you don't know what she did. I told the truth. That's what I did. She called Billy Smith and told him I was going bird-watching with Stanley on Sunday. Betty. I told him I was going over to Janie Liggett. She told a big lie. I did not. I am going over to Janie's first. Kathy. My life is ruined. My whole life. What are you kicking about? What? Evelyn Finney won't even talk to me, and she's got all my biology notes. But the door... And I'm warning you right now. It's not a lifelong biology. It's all her fault. Kathy. Yes, Daddy? Let's get this straight once and for all. Unless people ask you, you are not to tell them anything. Not even the truth? Not anything. Not even... How did she get into this? Kathy, you haven't been talking to Mrs. Smith. Well, sure. And she said she wanted me to tell her anything else I found out. What did you tell Mrs. Smith? Well, I just told her that last Saturday, when Mr. Smith was supposed to be working, I saw him go into the bowling alley. That's all. Oh, Kathy. Well, it was the truth. Jim, you've got to do something about this. Dad, it's Mr. Gribble. Oh, no. Not Gribble. Not... Go on into the den, JP. We'll be right in. Okay, Jim. Take your time. Did you invite him to the poker game? Of course not. He's the worst poker player in the entire country. But if he finds out you're having a game... We've got to get rid of him before he does find out. The boys won't play with him, and I'll be in a jam. Why don't I just tell him the truth? Kathy, if you so much as open your mouth... Wait a minute. I think I've got it. Betty, sneak out into the hall and get our coats. Why, Jim? Just your mother's in mind. But, Father... Good questions. Just do it, please. Jump and creeper. This is a great idea, honey. If he thinks we're going out, he'll go someplace else. Isn't that telling a fib? It's no such thing. We aren't going to tell him anything. We're just going to put on our coats. And if we want to put on our coats, why shouldn't we? Right, Margaret? Well, I suppose you can look at it that way. It still sounds like a fib to me. Nobody asked you. Here are the coats, Father, and I brought your hats, too. Well, thank you, Betty. Jim, I... Put your coat and hat on, Margaret, and let's go. I can't just put a hat on, dear. It takes... Well, then carry it. He'll get the idea. Jim, if only you wouldn't get us into these situations. Honey, how did I know he was going to stop by? Just because his family's in Florida and he's at a loose end. Are you ready? I suppose so. Okay, here we go. Now, Betty, you come along, and if Kathy starts to say anything... I'll strangle her. Daddy! That's the idea. Well, how are you, JP? Oh, but now we're just sitting here. Oh, just going out, eh? You and Mom go on someplace, Dad? Well, as a matter of fact, we... Hello, Mr. Gribble. Hello, Mrs. Anderson. Girls. Hello, Mr. Gribble. I suppose I should have called, but... Well, I wasn't doing anything, and I just thought... Too bad, isn't it, Kathy? He asked me! We weren't actually going out, JP. We just got back. I haven't had a chance to take off our coats. That's all. Well, then I can look forward to a pleasant evening after all. Yes. I didn't hear you on Mom. Never mind, bud. Will you excuse us for a minute, JP? We've got to take our coats off. Don't pay the least bit of attention to me. I'll just make myself at home. Come along, Kathy. But I want to stay with Mr. Gribble. Jim. You heard your mother, Kathleen. You've got to leave Mr. Gribble alone. Well, why don't you stop worrying, Jim? I'll just sit here with the children and have a nice little chat. Won't I, Kathy? Yes, Mr. Gribble. Oh, dear. Betty. I'll keep an eye on her father. Okay. We, who are about to die, salute you. What? What was that? I said, eh, we'll be right back. Won't we, honey? Yes. Yes. We'll be right back. Well, you're getting to be a big girl, aren't you, Kathy? Would you like that? Jim, what are we going to do? We've got to work fast. Now, you go next door to the Davises and tell Ed the game is off. But is it... There's nothing else we can do, Margaret. I can't afford to insult Gribble. And I've got to get in there before Kathy starts popping off. Go out the back door, then he won't see you. All right, dear. I just hope you know what you're doing. I just hope I come out of this alive. That's what I hope. A fine birthday this is turning out to be. Oh, no. Not already. Want me to answer the door, Dad? Uh, never mind. I'm right here. I'll be with you in a minute, JP. Take your time, Jim. No hurry. Hello, Jim. Ed. Thought I'd come by a little early in case you needed any help. Help. What I need is a doctor. Margaret just went out the back door to try to stop you. What for? Is that Ed David? Uh, yes, JP. He just came in for a minute. Gribble. Hello, Ed. Uh, hello, Mr. Gribble. We'll be right in, JP. Okay, Jim. Jim, I told you I'd never play poker with him again. I didn't invite him, Ed. He doesn't even know there's going to be a game. Well, get rid of him. Sure. And get rid of all of his insurance business at the same time. Is that what you want me to do? No. Look, why don't you call the fellas and explain what happened? I don't know, Jim. It's pretty late. Well, standing here isn't going to make it any earlier. Oh, no. Not again. Dad? I'll get it, bud. Okay. So help me, Ed. Why don't I just stand outside with a red flag and a small poxon? Very funny. Hi, Jim. Oh, Hector, I want to tell you something. Well, let me in. It's cold out here. Hi, Ed. I've been better. Who hasn't? Oh, isn't this a miserable night? You don't know the half of it. You know, I still can't figure out how Elizabeth knew I went to the bowling alley. What? Oh, you wouldn't know anything about it. You see, I... Jim, is everything all right out there? Oh, sure, JP. Everything's fine. Gribble? Heck, I was just explaining to Ed. Now, look, Jim, I've had enough trouble today, and if you think I'm going to play cards where that tightfist did not have it... Hector? Oh, hello, Mr. Gribble. We'll be right in, JP. Jim, we can't just stand here. If anybody else shows up, he's going to suspect something. What makes you think he doesn't already? I know what we can do. Offer him a drink, and I'll slip in a makey. See, it's a great idea. Hold it. Well, he's coming. Well, this is a pleasant surprise. I didn't expect to see you boys tonight. We were just standing here... Discussing a little business deal. What, we heck? Oh, yeah. Business deal. Jim, I'm off. Sorry, I hadn't the faintest idea. I was interfering with anything. Why didn't you tell me? Well, you know how it is, JP. Say, Dad, Mr. Gribble was telling us... We won't have time for that now, bud. If you get me my coat, I'll be running along. There isn't any hurry, JP. We're just going to... Bud, you heard Mr. Gribble get his coat. But you just said... Holy cow. Well, this seems like old times, doesn't it? Some night when you boys aren't so busy, why don't we get together for one of those gold-fashioned poker sessions? The funny thing, JP. We were just talking about the same thing. Weren't we boys? Yeah. Sure were. Sure were. Here's your coat, Mr. Gribble. Thank you, bud. Let me give you a hand with the JP. Daddy, Betty won't let me tell Mr. Gribble about your present. Not now, Kathy. All right, Betty, I'll take care of it. Kathy, Mr. Gribble's in a hurry. But it'll only take me a second to tell him, Daddy. Kathy. Oh, let the child speak, Jim. Don't be such a Simon legree. What is it, dear? You know what I'm giving my daddy for a birthday present? I'm going to tell the whole truth to everybody. Well, that's fine, Kathy. Good. Now, uh... Don't you want to ask me something? Kathy, Mr. Gribble's leaving. But if he wants to ask me... He doesn't want to ask you anything. Well, JP, by... No, I can't think of anything right now. You can't? No, dear. I'm sorry. Well, JP... Why don't you ask me if my father's going to have a poker party tonight? Some time this weekend, maybe tomorrow, you'll buy the coffee you'll be serving next week. And you'll want the one coffee that gives you the most in flavor for your money. So take home the coffee with the world's most famous flavor, our Maxwell House coffee. Then tomorrow night, pour a cup of Maxwell House for the world's greatest coffee expert, your husband. When he smiles and says, best coffee ever, you'll know why Maxwell House is famous the world over for flavor. Then when you add up all the wonderfully good cups of coffee you get from every pound, you'll agree it's Maxwell House for value, too. So tomorrow, at your grocers, look for the sign of good coffee, the big white cup and drop on our friendly blue tin. That's Maxwell House. Always good to the last drop. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Robert Young. Today is not only the birthday of George Washington and Jim Anderson, it's my birthday as well. I've always felt very close, therefore, to the basic ideals of Americanism and the principles on which this country was founded, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. You'll notice that nothing is said about an individual race or color that no mention is made of a privileged faith or religion. On this day, therefore, why don't we review for a moment our own personal adherence to the rules of democracy and pledge ourselves to a better life during the coming year. Let's not live as members of a certain race or color or creed. Let's live as Americans. Thank you. It's full of solid whole wheat nourishment. It has a wonderful nut-like flavor, and it cooks in only three and a half minutes. You'll see, you'll all agree, it's the best hot cereal you ever ate. Join us again next week when we'll be back with Father Knows Best. Starring Robert Young as Jim Anderson, with Roy Barkey in the Maxwell House Orchestra, in our cast with June Whitley as Margaret, Rhoda Williams, Ted Donaldson, Norma G. Nilsen, Joseph Kearns, Herb Bygren, Barney Phillips, and yours truly, Bill Foreman. So until next Thursday, good night and good luck from the makers of Maxwell House, America's favorite brand of coffee, always good to the last drop. Father Knows Best was transcribed in Hollywood and written by Ed James. Now stay tuned in for Dragnet, which follows immediately over most of these stations. Now, it's exciting and authentic Dragnet on NBC.