 Ma'am, when you wake up and put your makeup on and put that nice dress on, part of you is constantly understanding this competition because you're trying to look your best. So my opinion doesn't mean you're fighting women, throwing them to the side to try to get to a man. It just means that you're presenting your best self because you understand other women also want said man that you think is the ideal candidate. Somebody's not going to get them. Listen, it's the message right here. Black boy, tell me how you really feel because I just want to build with you. Black girl, tell me how you really feel. I want to keep it real with you. I want to live better, eat better. I want to love better, sleep better. Yeah, I want to feel so aligned. Here's the first question. In an alternative universe, what kind of woman would you be? That's a good one. In an alternative universe, what kind of woman would I be? I've never thought about that. I've never thought about what kind of woman I would be. Hopefully pretty because I definitely want to use my pretty privilege. But because I'm a guy who complains a lot about women who are only pretty, meaning they have nothing else. Hopefully I'm one who has substance as well because they come feeling far between. So yeah, is that enough? Is that enough of a kind of woman I would be? Definitely fierce too. They're definitely into fashion and all of that good stuff. Yeah. Okay, so I guess we can go deeper into the pretty privilege thing. Do you think that pretty privilege is serving women in 2022 in a positive way? And then how do you think it's affecting women in a negative way? I think it's serving women in a positive way in the sense that a woman who's pretty can experience a lifestyle that she can't afford for herself. In ways that's a blessing, I guess. How was it hurting them? What's the negative side of it, do you think? I feel like a lot of women who are pretty, they forget that at some point it runs out. So I would say that's how they think it's like a forever thing. So they prolong the part where they are supposed to settle down or if that's their goal, if marriage is your goal, I feel like they postpone that maybe a little too long because of that pretty privileged serving them and all the experiences that they want to be forever. But all good things come to an end. Yeah. Okay. So when you were talking about the positive side of it, you said pretty women, it affords them a lifestyle they wouldn't be able to get themselves. So I'm going to play devil's advocate a little bit here. Women, feminists usually will say, well, they wouldn't take that comment very well because they're like, women can do anything. Oh, they can. But there are a lot of pretty women who just don't have the resources. Right. And that's so saying that it affords you a lifestyle that you might not be I'm provide for yourself doesn't mean that you're not capable of going and getting it. But if we're talking about the real world, which you and I live in, there are more pretty women who don't have it and they are the ones that do have it. And it I mean the resources to go live this flamboyant lifestyle. But if you're a pretty woman who doesn't have it, which most are, then your looks can get you on yachts and jets. Women who aren't as pretty don't get that lifestyle. Most of them who can't do it for themselves, they don't get picked to experience that lifestyle. So I don't think it's a matter of women can do anything that men can show. I mean, you can if you want, but the ones that don't, they can still get to experience all those things. Sure. Okay. So what is your view of the standard that women have, whether they're pretty decent looking, whatever, what's your view of the standard that women have when it comes to lifestyle? I think it's been skewed and worked by social media. And to be fair, I think social media has done that to everyone. Because we get to see a lifestyle that like 2% of America lives. And we think that's the norm. And obviously that I feel like that makes a lot of women feel like I don't want to be average. Like average men don't deserve me. I deserve this. Everyone deserves their lifestyle now in 2022. So I think it's unrealistic. I think the expectations have become unrealistic, to be honest. Because most people are average. Like literally, most people are average. But average has become an insult in 2022. Like how dare you? Like, you know what I mean? I deserve the jets and the yachts. And sure, in a perfect world, I wish we could all live that lifestyle. But it's unreasonable. I guess it doesn't happen. Okay. So how do you think that's affecting the dating market? Or the way that men and women are communicating with each other? If you don't make $100,000 a year, you're a broke-ass nigga and shit. That's how it's affecting the date market. At least from what I hear and I see on a daily basis. I feel like men are competing with, average men are competing with, not only rich men, they're competing with the highlight tape of those rich men. So like, how do you even compete with that? How do you compete with the elite's highlight tape? Like the best part of the 2%. You can't compete with that. So it's like you go into the dating market and you already know you're fighting an uphill battle as a man. Because a lot of women feel like men are not born rich. We're not born with a check. You know what I mean? So we have to go and we have to make ourselves whatever we become. And I think social media makes that, makes dating 20 times harder for just the average man. Like the average man can't even get an average woman anymore. Because no woman feels like she's average. She feels like she's above it. So let me ask you, because I think that's a very important concept of the fact that men are not born wealthy and they have to really work for what they get. No one's going to hand it to them versus, you know, women, you're beautiful. You're beautiful. So I want you to give me a scenario or maybe explain a little bit if you were to talk to, if you were to talk to like a woman who has that mindset. How would you describe that to her for it to register? So I actually did that kind of recently. I asked the woman I was dating to look up like the average salary, not just like for men, period. And when she saw the result, she was like, no way people are living off like this is poor. And I'm like, no, it's not poor. It's average. Like this is average. You know what I mean? But that's I feel like that's that reality is the best way to get it to register. Just like Google is your friend. Just Google the average or the median rather, the median male salary in America. And then Google the median female salary in America. It's eye opening. Like you would never like the way Instagram operates. You were like, so all these people are rich. Like, no, they're not. We're not. We're not all rich. So I think that's that's the most eye opening thing average to actually see those figures in black and white. I agree. And it's logical. It's a logical thing. A lot of women just cannot wrap their minds. Yeah. So how are we going to help push women in the more logical direction? As I guess, I don't know, honestly. I think it's going to get a lot worse before it gets better. I think it's one of those things where women are gonna want to be more logical when it's almost too late. So like when they are like, and again, I don't want to not hate to be politically correct. I know people say it's never too late for marriages now too late for this. But if we're operating on the under the assumption that most people do want to get don't want to wait till their latter years to get married, I feel like most women are going to realize, realize a lot of things in their latter years. Where it's like, okay, so clearly I was doing something wrong. If marriage or companionship is my angle, and I'm just now realizing that my expectations are unrealistic. It's almost too late at that point. And that's what I mean. I feel like it's going to get a lot worse before it gets better. I think a lot of people are going to realize it when it's almost too late. Now that's going to look different for men than women. So what do you think almost too late? I guess you kind of explain what that looks like for women. But what do you think that looks like for men, whether it's they're going to date outside their race or whatever, just because men have a little bit more time. It's not really a comparison. And that's why it's hard to explain it for men because it's naturally men prolong when they want to get married based on where they are in life. So to be honest, it's not a question I can ask because I don't know what it looks like for men in general. I know for me, we kind of create our own timetables because we don't have a biological time clock. We get to create our own timetable. So most men have done that. They're like, I want to be here at this time. So it literally goes from case to case. Whatever your timetable is will determine if what almost too late looks like for you. For me, it's like I want to be married by like 35. That's my... Where that number come from? And have you always thought about that number? I moved that number like six times. When I was 18, I wanted to be married at like 25. Then it was like 27. Then it was 30. Now I'm 32 and it's like, all right, 35. So that's what almost too late looks like for me right now is when I'm... If I'm 35 and I'm not married, it's almost too late for me. Does your view, if you want to explain what your view of marriage was at 18 or 25 was, does it look different than what your view of marriage is going to be? Will you see it being at 35 as far as the quality of the relationship and what marriage means? I don't seem so much more adultish when I was younger. Like at 32, I'm still like... I mean, I feel like an adult now and I realize I'm an adult. But when I was 18, people who were 25 seemed so much more adultish. But when I was 13, maybe people who were 25 seemed so much more adultish. But for me, I feel like marriage has... I don't think it's changed too much how I view it. I think what I want to be able to provide for my family has changed in that regard. So for me, it's more of... I now think of the kind of lifestyle I want my children to have. I always say one of my biggest goals in life is to create a head start for my children because most black kids don't have a head start. We don't have the room to fail. And that's why we almost get born with a handicap. So yeah, having a safety net for my kids, affording them the option to fail and still fail upwards and be able to keep going is what my goal is for family, not just marriage. Okay, so your view is more like your family, all right. So let's talk about then describe the partner in... If that's your goal, describe the partner that you feel like you have to align yourself with that would get you and your family to that goal at this age, not at 18-year-old. Which goes back to the question you asked me, the kind of woman I would want to be in the alternate reality, right. So you're saying the type of woman you would be, would be the woman that you see yourself be when others are interested. Yeah, in a sense, but now I think about a couple of things that I might have left off. So a woman that I can trust to raise my kids. What does that look like when you say raise? Because it looks differently for everyone. No, for sure. Educated. First of all, education is very important to me and maybe it's because of how I was raised, but sometimes I see parents who I look at and I'm like, I know they can't help their children with homework. And I don't want that for me and my family. Like I want a woman who can help and I can help, but I want us to be able to help our kids. So I feel like education is important to me. I want a married woman who's definitely educated. If we're talking about things beyond surface level, I think that's like number one on the list. Okay, okay. So you seem like a very man with a good head on the shoulders, right. And there's a lot of women that are like, you know, men ain't shit. I don't need any good men, this and that. Do you find that to be your reality? And don't compare it to the men that you might attract as friends, the men that you just run into on a daily basis. Do you find that to be the reality? Not many shit, but that men don't have the wisdom that you just explained, I guess you could say. I think a lot of men don't. And I think a lot of men do. Okay. And I have to make that distinction. And here's why. Because let's let's flip it, right? I think there are a lot of women, I think there's a certain pocket of men who are everything that most women say they want. And if those are the type of men that you want, then they're out there. You can find them. And you can figure out how to make yourself attractive to those type of men. The same way that men have to figure out how to make themselves attractive to the type of women that they want. So when people say, Oh, man ain't shit or women ain't shit. I feel like, especially if you're a decent looking woman, you attract a wider way of men. Like if you're saying if you're pretty, whatever, you're going to attract a wider way of men. Now you have to select the ones that you're going to date. There's no such thing as I attract ain't shit niggas as a woman. No, you attract all men. You pick ain't shit niggas. You know what I mean? Like, and the same thing goes with men. If you're a decent looking guy, you got some going for yourself, you got a, you know, good job, whatever it is that attracts women, you're going to attract a wider way of women. So let's dig into that. Why do you think that is? What? Why do you think that men and women pick the ain't shit niggas? Because the things that we want often contradict each other. Like women, for instance, right? They want a guy who is so contradicting. They want a guy who, they want a popular guy that's low key. They want the guy who attracts a lot of women, but doesn't fuck a lot of women. You know what I mean? It's like a lot of things are so contradicting, whereas though you end up choosing the things you want or lust over the things you need as a grown woman who's looking for a certain type of angle. Do you think a man can do both? Yes, I do. However, those men come very few and far between. And for that to be the expectation that women have for majority of men is unrealistic again. So it comes back to, it's a numbers game. Like every man cannot fit that mode. It's unreasonable. It's, first of all, it's such a hard mode to even fit because a lot of things in this little pot of this Frankenstein man that you've made up contradict each other. It almost can't even coexist in the same man. So even if there's a chance that it somehow can and does, that kind of man is going to come so few and far between that it's going to be like finding a needle in the haystack. Yeah. Okay. All right. Cool. So let's switch up a little bit. I still kind of want to stay on the top of like community and family a little bit. Are you or would you raise your daughter differently than you raise your son? Absolutely. Because the world is a double standard for everyone. The world is, it's one of the most dangerous things that we could do just as people is not accept that there are double standards in society. And I find that people only want to accept the double standards that benefit them. And then they reject the ones that don't, which is unreasonable because you still have to live on earth. You still have to live, if you live in America, in this country, which has double standards. So absolutely, I would instill different values in my son than I would in my daughter. Go into that. As most people will. What would you like go into the values and the differences if you can? Well, gender roles in itself are double standards. We say boys would should, well, let's start with, we say men should protect and provide. Women are not expected to do that. That's a double standard. No, women don't have a problem with that double standard. Would you say that it's a double standard or is it something that is catered to the natural ability of what a man is designed to do? Some double standards come from natural abilities, some don't, but it doesn't change the fact that it's still under the umbrella of a double standard because one is expected from one sex and the other isn't. So yeah, as far as the differences in how I raise my daughter versus my son, I would raise my son to be a husband, to be somebody that a woman would be proud of if he gets to that point in his life. I think it's important that men see men growing up and as far as my daughter, it will be the reverse. I won't be raising my daughter to be a husband. You understand what I'm saying? I'll be raising her to be a woman and a wife if that's her end goal at some point. So there's always a double standard on how you're going to raise different genders, whether we want to admit it or not. Yeah. Okay. So a lot of, okay, okay. Hold up. Let me craft this question. So with single motherhood being so high, there are a lot of single woman raising both young men and young women, right? I think I know the answer to this question, but do you think that that has had an effect on where we are now because we're still young? So do you see that in the people that you know with single mothers? And I'm sure we all know them. Do you think that has had an effect? And let's start there. Do you think that that's how single motherhood has had an effect? By all of the numbers, they show that it has had an effect. I mean, it's just, it's been researched that children who grew up in a two-parent household just perform better, whether it be school or staying out of trouble than kids who grow up in a single parent household, whether that is single mother or father, whatever you want to call it. It's just based on single parent households. So absolutely that has an effect. And most single parent households are mother and children. So yes, that absolutely has an effect. And I know I don't want that for me or my kids. I'm sorry. What was your follow up question? I didn't have one. So that was good. Okay. So you do think that it's had an effect. Okay. So moving forward, I'm assuming that you do believe two-parent households are going to be important in order to make a change. Absolutely. Do you think that the primary... I think family structure is absolutely important for us to change the trajectory of just where we are. Okay. So that's obviously a big issue within the black community. Do you think that marriage is the best way to get there when it comes to two people coming together? Or do you think that two people don't necessarily need to be married in order to create that? No one has to do anything on this earth. The pushback that we... This generation is so weird. The pushback that I often hear, particularly with single parents is, well, marriage doesn't guarantee anything. That's the number one pushback you get. Right? Nothing guarantees anything though. So why do we have to be so extreme? Nothing is 100% guaranteed, but it's a commitment. It's like, at least you know this person is saying, I'm going to try to do this thing with you. You know what I mean? So when we talk about marriage and let's make it more even more specific. When you talk about, say, marrying before you have kids, it's not to say that you can't get a divorce at some point or it's absolutely going to work. But the message behind it is that you're with someone who's at least telling you that this is something I want to do with you. I want to try this with you versus you met some guy last week and you guys were just having sex and you created a shot. Like there's no promise. There's no commitment behind that. You understand what I'm saying? So again, it's not to say that marriage is a guarantee. Nothing is a guarantee in life. If that's the standard, then nothing will get done because nothing is a guarantee. Like you went to school for a degree. It wasn't guaranteed that you were going to get your dream job, but you took that chance because you knew like this was the best way to go about it. So nothing is guaranteed. That cannot be the standard that it has to be 100% guaranteed. It's unreasonable. Yeah. Okay. Cool. All right.