 For the safety of your smile use pepsidon twice a day see your dentist twice a year Lever brothers company presents the pepsidon show my friend Irma Created by Cy Howard and starring Marie Wilson as Irma with Joan Banks as Jane Friendship, friendship, just a perfect friendship when other friendships have been forgot There's will still be hot Sorry the third the beginning of a new year 1948 has slipped into the past and yet thanks to my roommate Irma Peterson I will remember it as long as I live for it was in 1948 that Irma did the following Memorable things a She bought a refrigerator without a motor because she felt that without any moving parts. There was nothing to go out of order B It was in 1948 that she gently took my new seal skin coat and put it in the bottom of the bathtub While she poured water and ice over it because it was be kind to animals weak It was also in 1948 when Irma's boss, mr. Clyde Told her he wished to speak to a client in Dallas, Texas person-to-person So Irma wired him the fare for a round-trip ticket That was all in 1948 49 is starting out even worse Why? because Irma has at long last broken off with Al and day and night for the past three days America's number one fugitive from an honest buck Has been bombarding his chicken with various notes and tokens of his love On Friday. It was a letter a letter which went dear chicken I cannot understand how you could break up our romance after all we've gone through We used to count on each other so much Now that you've left me. I can no longer eat. I go without breakfast lunch and dinner It's not your fault. Yes, it is. He used to call on me for those things. I Do not wish to cause you one to allow But unless you take me back, I will throw myself under the wheels of a subway train from the top of the Empire State Building Stab myself several times Fatally take poison and if nothing happens by the time I hit the ground will do something desperate He's figured more angles in a four-way call tablet It's too bad things have to come to this sudden end just when I thought of a real money-making plan Oh, no, yes a plan that would make us rich It's a special weight recorder for wives who are suspicious of their husbands a Device which can be attached to the husband's chair at the office when a secretary sits on his lap The additional weight is recorded and the wife has got him with the goods See chicken unless you have a change of heart the world will lose a great mind Adios Al that was Friday Early Saturday morning a single Lily was delivered to Irma a Lily which I am quite certain I saw clasped between folded hands in the window display of Hawker's mortuary And on the card tenderly inscribed were these immortal words dear chicken I sent you this single Lily because the hands that last held them were as cold as your heart Desperately Al so much for Saturday on Sunday sheer grief gives way to determination in the form of a love poem a work of deathless art Dear chicken like a little squirrel needs his nuts. I must have you and no one but Enough to tear your heart out isn't it? But all this hasn't made the least impression on Irma She's completely wrapped up in thoughts of her new boyfriend Melvin Baxter a Jane what Irma? What do you really think of Melvin? Well from what I've seen of him He strikes me as being reliable ambitious and sincere. I suppose you're right But I can't see where he's so reliable. What do you mean? We've been out together four times and he hasn't even kissed me once Well, maybe he's a bit bashful. Gee Al was different. He kissed me four times before we were introduced Irma you sound as if you're still a little sweet on Al. Oh, no Al is a forgotten chapter Since I've been going places with Melvin life is just a new thrill You don't know what it means to a girl to go on a subway with a man have him pay your fare. I Have lived a little too and Melvin is so consider look honey You can tell me all about it while we walk down to the beauty parlor, huh? Look Irma there's another letter in the mailbox and I think it's from guess who let me see well read it while we walk All right Chicken you have refused to see me Well, let me warn you if you are thinking of marrying another man Do not waste time learning to cook for him since he will be on a liquid diet because I will knock out all his teeth Jane, this is terrible. Why I have just given Melvin a tube of pepsidate for Christmas Irma watch where you're going. You'll trip over that man tying his shoelaces. Oh Oh, it's professor Kropotkin and Mrs. O'Reilly. Hello, Janey and I'm a my two little darlings Oh girls, I'm so glad to see you the professor. He has been trying to tell me my hair isn't natural red Professor I was with her when she bought it. It said natural red on the box It's the difference professor. I'm surprised at you I thought the two of you had made up over the holidays not a chance not after last night I've been into my room and I thought Mrs. O'Reilly had given me a beautiful crystal chandelier But when I turned on my gas heater, I was almost killed The icicles melted and came down on my head No, oh, yes, and when I complained to Mrs. O'Reilly She says I have an advantage none of her other tenants have in my room I can never get lost because when I lie in bed, I can see the North Star through the ceiling Beefing you almost made me forget to give Jane Richard's message. Oh, did Richard call me? Yes, Janey Just go inside and use my phone. Oh, thanks. Wait for me Irma Tell me Irma. How's the new romance with Malwyn? Oh, he's so sweet and kind And I know he likes me because he broke off with his girl Myrtle. Myrtle? Yes, and I'm proud because that's the test of a man's devotion. Indeed it is When me poor departed Clancy met me he was going with another girl, but he broke off with her I understood she felt terrible, but she got over it very quickly and married Julius Caesar You're always kidding. I saw the picture Julius Caesar is married to Vivian Lee. I've got a hurry Must be a big date. Well, I'll see you later girls. Be careful, Mrs. O'Reilly You'll fall into that ash can and they don't collect it till Wednesday Get to the beauty pile. I don't want to be late Richard is taking me out tonight And you and Melvin are invited gosh, how did this happen? Well, he just explained that one of his clients is in some sort of scandal And while Richard isn't involved directly, he doesn't want to be any place where he can be pestered by reporters You know how he hates publicity. Oh, of course. I understand. So the four of us will go to some nice quiet place Oh, here's the beauty parlor you coming in Irma. No, I just want to walk through the slush and think of Melvin Well, I'll see you later honey, if you don't go away and let me finish this song. I'll call an officer Now listen to me chicken. You don't know what this separation is meant to me I lay in bed at night thinking of you and my heart beats a savage tattoo I'm sorry, Al, but having pictures on your chest isn't gonna make any difference to me Haven't I given you the best years of my life now ever since I've known you you've been in the unemployment line Well, those are my best years I can't take any more of this. My whole life is all mixed up. I'm so confused I I put my hand in the wrong pocket this morning when I went to make a phone call. What do you mean use the nickel instead of a Slug Chicken I'm I'm disintegrating right in front of your eyes. Oh, please hell not in front of strangers It's all over between us. I love Melvin Melvin That's the guy that's been poisoning your mind against me with his fanatical talk about working You leave Melvin out of this. Please chicken. How can you do this after all? We were inseparable like Trillian's fangali and Damon and Pythias. Oh, Al. You're talking about cities. I haven't even been to There's no use Al chicken if I can't have you no one will Now if you don't stop talking like that, I'll call a policeman now go Okay, I'll go but I warn you if that Melvin comes to see you tonight You better tell me to wear a football helmet because I'm gonna kick him right in the end zone Nothing besides when Richard gets here everything will be all right Richard. What do you mean? Oh when the policeman comes? He can be a witness policeman witness Irma. What are you driving at? Oh? I ran into Al on the street and he's coming over tonight to murder Mel Oh, no, and Richard doesn't want publicity. Irma Peterson. Why do you always have to get mixed up in these things? I don't know Jane. I guess I'm just a good mixer Run the tip of your tongue over your teeth if you feel a slippery coating You have film on your teeth and you need pepsidon with eryem to remove it for film is worse than you think film Collect stains that make your teeth look dull pepsidon toothpaste removes film makes your teeth look bright Film harbors germs that cause unpleasing breath Pepsidon removes film makes your breath fresh and clean film glues acid to your teeth The very acid many dentists agree is the cause of tooth decay Pepsidon toothpaste removes film and the acids it contains film never lets up. It forms continually on your teeth Yes, you have to fight film every day So brush your teeth twice a day with pepsidon toothpaste because no other toothpaste can duplicate pepsidon's film removing formula No other toothpaste contains eryem or pepsidon's gentle polishing agent So start now to fight film Brush your teeth twice a day with pepsidon's the toothpaste with an exclusive formula for removing film I'm just about beside myself with anger Richard who is purposely taking me out tonight to some out-of-the-way place to avoid publicity is about to walk into a Homicidal spotlight and ermah is completely unconcerned. She is lost in her dream world How do I know because she's putting mascara on her fingernails and nail polish on her eyelashes Erma, what is it Jane? Oh Look what I did to my nails look honey I'll make excuses for the fact that you think you're in love But I refuse to let your love affairs come between Richard and myself. Oh, Jane I don't think I will start a fight with my new boyfriend Melvin when we go out tonight But he's liable to before of us are going out And if there's a fight Richard is going to be standing right there when the police arrive So what he could just say was watching himself defense Erma don't be ridiculous and now look sweetie You've got to go down to the corner and tell Al to be a gentleman. Oh, what should I tell him just say you have No respect for men who use brute force and resort to violence and you insist he leave Melvin alone Now can you remember that I think so let's hear it once to make sure all right I I have no respect for men because I'm going to resort with a brute if I have to use Myself too much like work. That's enough to make Al sick. Oh certainly Jane This is gonna be a quiet evening. Well now now I'm relieved. Oh Richard will be here any minute I'd better start dressing. Oh Jane. Yes, you don't have to be afraid to wear your new evening gown when you go out with Richard Tonight because I fixed it. Oh, that's nice. What you fixed it. Yes. I didn't want you to catch cold So I patched up the front the back That's the new neckline Where is it? Well, thank goodness. You sewed it by hand. I can get these stitches out without too much trouble I'm sorry Jane, but you get the phone. I'll slip my dress on all right. Hello. Oh It's you Al isn't here yet, but Al I don't want you to start a fight up here because Well, you don't intend to yes. Yes, I know you're being considered Here to start a fight. No, he said he'd start it out front because there's more room to swing Sorry I got you in a mess, but to me. It's it's also romantic romantic Center of Attractions birds fighting over a worm hiding over me savagely furiously like gladiators See anything romantic about it. Oh, I do Personally, I think love is too tame these days I'd like to go back to the days of the cavemen. Oh, I suppose you'd like to be pulled across the countryside by your hair Oh, I wouldn't mind as long as I knew that someday my husband could afford a car. Oh, Mrs. O'Reilly You're just the person I want to see my Jane you look upset. Is there anything wrong everything is wrong Irma's new boyfriend Melvin is coming over tonight and Al says he's going to beat him up Well now if there's anyone he listened to it should be Irma here Irma She is looking forward to it. She thinks it's romantic to have men fighting over her Oh, I know how she feels when I was a young girl I met two fine lads at a dance and when it was over they started a fight to see which one was going to take Me home the best-looking boy won and I was very disappointed why The loser had to take me home If I'll start anything tonight, I'll call the police. Oh, no, no, Mrs. Raleigh not the police ever Richard will be here and right now he can't afford to be involved in any trouble Well, I don't think there'll be any trouble if I know Al. It's more likely he'll try to talk Melville into stepping out of the picture He's probably figuring out an angle right now Some way to give that Melvin the work so we'll stay away from chicken and in a case like this There's only one man who can help me who else but hello Joe Got a problem want to get rid of a rival, but don't want to get in any trouble. What is my move? Huh? Uh-huh, uh-huh Mm-hmm Make it look like he was hit by a truck You're how do I do that? Get a baseball bat and tie a license plate on the end of it. Yes. Thank you and goodbye Noble friend. I guess Mrs. O'Reilly was right. I was just letting my imagination get the best of me Everything is calm and peaceful and I can't wait for Richard to get here Irma of course is anticipating Melvin with ecstasy beyond delight Right now she has a sunshine biscuit in her mouth and the book of knowledge on her head That's to show Melvin. She's a smart cookie This I cannot understand she has just taken a $10 bottle of Madam Saris perfume and thrown it out the window Irma, what's the idea? I just read in the paper that Madam Saris got divorced and the perfume didn't do her any good How can it help me? Yes, Melvin. Why remember he gave up his girlfriend Myrtle for me Yes, I know all about that, but you don't have to stand by the window looking at the moon like a Love-sick calf. Oh, but the moon fascinates me Jane. I remember when I was a little girl I used to say the moon was made of green cheese. Yes, I know But we all outgrew that fairy story fairy story Jane there's a scientific explanation for it that the moon is made of green cheese Yes, it was once part of the Milky Way, but a big lump got loose and curdled Thank you Irma Einstein Please Jane come here and look I've never seen the moon so beautiful the way it's beaming down the fire escape and on the clothes line On the steps in the street and on that man standing there with a baseball bat a baseball bat. Let me look Irma, that's Al. I wonder what he's doing with a baseball bat. Well, it's obvious He's lost me so he's taking up a hobby. No He must be waiting for your new boyfriend Melvin He'll be still everyone else and say it's me Jane what's wrong your pale Richard? I have to Richard I don't know how to begin. Oh Heaven's sake, what's wrong? Didn't you see Al? He's downstairs. Well, I thought I saw someone standing in the shadows But he didn't speak what's going on Al is waiting for Irma's new boyfriend with a baseball bat Now Richard, I know you don't want to be involved. This is all I need tonight I'd better go down and talk with him I'm going to open the window. I Want to hear what Al says. Isn't this wonderful Jane? It's ecstatic. I haven't had so much fun since that day you put shellac in my hair shampoo Jane I'm trying to hear what the boys are saying down there, but Al after all you're a gentleman You must take these things like a sport. I am a sport tonight. I'm playing baseball and Melvin's head is the ball How much I love my Irma listen to that Janie still loves me when I see her It's like putting my tired feet in the bucket of epsom salts The sound of her voice is like the welcome sound of a siren heralding a jailbreak And the touch of her hand is like the delicate caress of a pickpockets fingers Oh Trish turn any girls head. Yes and her stomach too. Oh Look Richard's coming back. Gee. I wonder what Al is going to do. I don't know where my pull down that shade All right, but gee, let's hurry up and change change. What are you talking about? Well the way things are shaping up I think we should all wear sports clothes Don't you dare move Irma Peterson and let me tell you one thing if Richard breaks off with me because of this Fantastic nightmare Richard any luck no no I pleaded with Al But he has some silly notion about men fighting for their women He says it's the law of the jungle that the strong must devour the weak Oh my goodness to think all these years I've been going around with a cannibal What's happened? What's happened some crazy farmer chased me up the steps with a baseball bat Farmer yeah, he kept screaming and muttering something about I stole his chicken So that's who he is. Well. Nobody's scaring me off. I like you After all I gave up Myrtle for you and you're going to be mine I'm going right back down there and fight it out with our man-to-man. Oh, Melvin promise. You'll be careful Oh, I'm not even afraid. Don't let him hit you on the head. Remember you have to be at work early Don't give it a second thought. I'm afraid of nothing, but I'm if you don't mind lift the shade a little I want to see where Al is standing so he doesn't have too much of an advantage with that baseball bat. All right. Let me see And we got to stay here all but you said you weren't afraid Al take a look Myrtle's down there with him and she's also got a baseball bat interesting. Why don't think that you are safe from film Nearly everyone has it just run the tip of your tongue over your teeth If you feel a slippery coating, that's film and you'd better get pepsidant toothpaste to remove it For film collect stains that make teeth look dull it harbors germs that cause unpleasing breath Film glues acid to your teeth the very acid that many dentists agree is the cause of tooth decay and remember Film never stops forming. No, it never lets up So brush your teeth twice a day with film removing pepsidant No other toothpaste contains earium or pepsidus gentle polishing agent No other toothpaste can duplicate pepsidants film removing formula get pepsidant toothpaste with earium today That was some night. I didn't get to go out with Richard But my dress did we put it on Melvin and Richard took him home Her status is still the same Al is still threatening and Melvin is still afraid to come around In fact, every time Irma has a date with Melvin. She takes along a shopping bag Irma, what's the idea? Well Al says he'll tear Melvin to pieces and I want something to bring him home in And you know if anyone finds a missing piece it probably came from the mind of my friend Irma friend Irma is produced and directed by Cy Howard and stars Marie Wilson as Irma with Joan Banks as Jane Mark Levy writes the script with Stanley Adams and Roland McLean And it's brought to you by pepsidant toothpaste with earium another fine product of Lever Brothers company The part of Al was played by John Brown Hans Conn Reed is Professor Kropotkin Gloria Gordon was heard as Mrs. O'Reilly music was under the direction of Vlad Glaskin Start the new year right by resolving to be careful when you're out driving Remember that winter weather brings an extra hazard to the highways So drive safely and adjust your speed to the road and the weather Pedestrians too should use extra caution Remember accidents don't always happen to someone else it pays to be careful. This is Wendell Niles speaking The RISK brisk flavor, that's what you get in Lipton tea Yes brisk flavor that picks you up brings you back alive in a hurry Brisk flavor that comes from Lipton's very special blending of the finest orange pico and pico teas try it You'll find that this brisk flavor of Lipton's leaves you refreshed and ready to go again And you can enjoy it often because even wonderful tea like Lipton's costs less than any drink except water Always ask for Lipton tea the brisk tea with that heartwarming Lipton lift Joed in one hour earlier next week and listen to the Lux Radio Theatre followed by the pepsin and show my friend Irma