 I think that this is really important, particularly on the physical touch front, because there is a lot of content around out there, particularly like the manosphere, or like for dating coaches that encourage men to sort of physically escalate by like touching on the shoulder or you know things of that nature. It's good to be aware of this if you are wanting to, or you are dating an autistic woman, or just any autistic person in general, because that we might have quite a negative reaction to that and feel a bit unsafe. So just be careful around that stuff. In my experience actually, I know this might go a little bit against what Jad Fear is talking about. Definitely like be aware that they might not make as much eye contact, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you making eye contact is bad as someone who is neurotypical approaching the situation. You can still make the usual amount of eye contact that you make. And sometimes, I think even for myself, although I don't tend to make as much eye contact, sometimes if we've been talking for quite a while and if you're comfortable sort of in a romantic sort of setting, you know, perhaps over dinner or having a drinks or something, eye contact can be quite attractive to me sometimes. It definitely shows like signs of interest and it can be a bit sort of romantically escalating in a sense. Sometimes just my personal experience. Also with date selection, if someone that you're dating is autistic, try and choose somewhere which is perhaps less sensory provoking. Have you recently come across a very interesting girl or woman in your life and you're wanting to get to know them a bit better? Perhaps you might want to take them out on a date, but there is something a bit different to them. Perhaps they're autistic, perhaps they show some signs and you're wondering how can I navigate this strange world of autism dating in a very safe, understanding way. That's terrible. What am I talking about? Safe, understanding way. Safe, respectful way. Well, today we have a video from Woodshed Theory, one of the friends of the channel on how to date an autistic girl tips from the source, which I think is going to be quite interesting for me to hear about. And I think there are some AFAB individuals within the chat who are going to pitch in as well. Obviously not going to be able to comment much on this, but it'll be interesting to hear Woodshed's thoughts on this from the other side as it be. So you want to date an autistic girl, but you're not sure where to get started. Well, stick around to find out. My name is Claire and this is my channel, Woodshed Theory. Here I make content about what it is like to live as an adult on the autism spectrum and whatever else feels good to me, so if that sounds good to you or if you're feeling particularly gracious today and I hope that you are, please go ahead and click the subscribe button. Ring the bell. I almost forgot to mention that I put out videos three times a week. Click the like, click the like. We are so close to hitting 5000 subscribers, so thank you very much for your support. Autism and dating. Well, yikes. It's been a very long time since I've been in the dating scene, but I do sometimes get questions from well-meaning subscribers and watchers who are asking me about dating and autism, and sometimes they ask for their tips about dating an autistic person. I thought it might be helpful if we went over some of my thoughts on dating as an autistic person, but from the opposite perspective, say you yourself like an autistic person. In this case, it's going to be a girl because I'm a girl, and you want to start to date them, but you're not sure where to start or what it will be like or what the expectations would be. So I thought I'd go over a few thoughts and tips and tricks that I thought might be helpful to the community at large. I do want to disclose that I am not the entirety of the autistic population. And these are just my thoughts. If you have other thoughts or other advice, please go ahead and put it down in the comments because difference of thought and different ideas are what makes our community very strong. So go ahead and sound off down below if you want to share your opinions. I also wanted to mention that I did a great video on autism and dating with my friend Orion Kelly. So I will link that video up here somewhere so you can check that out. So you want to date an autistic girl. The first thing that you're going to want to take into consideration is being very direct. Autistic people struggle with reading and interpreting subtle gestures or subtle hints at things. We take things very literally. If you are going to take an autistic girl out on a date, you're going to have to ask her extremely directly to go on a date. A date that's not a friend date, a date that's a romantic date. You're going to want to say something akin to I am interested in you. I would like to take you out on a date as more than friends. You don't need to overstate it, but you definitely do not want to understate it. So if you want to say something like, do you want to hang out? Maybe have a bite? Yes, definitely. Like I've got myself into a few difficult situations in the past myself. Well, I did not. I mean, it's never really been about dating. Usually I can usually tell when it comes to that. Like there's someone who wants to go on a date with me. But I the neurotypicals in my experience tend to be very nuanced, indirect and very subtle when it comes to like other stuff, you know, if you know what I'm talking about. And I've got myself in a few situations where someone said, like, oh, do you want to do you want to come check out my room? Or, you know, like I've got a video game console at my place. Or do you want to not go? Do you want to exit this party and sort of go watch some Netflix or something and be like, sure, that sounds great. Lovely. Obviously not not not the intention. There was some some some like hidden meaning behind that. A few times that this happens. Mostly when I was at university, I didn't really understand the social world as much nowadays. I understand what the hidden meaning is behind things. But yeah, directness is is is key here. I think I accidentally went on a date with my friend before. Yeah, I mean, sometimes, sometimes I've had situations where some like a match with someone on like a dating site and they said, oh, no, actually, like, I'm not really like wanting to to date or anything, but we can be friends. And I'd be like, OK, and so I go out with them over coffee with them. They're wanting to be friends. I'm like, OK, let's be friends. And then it's not actually a friend thing. It's a it's a date thing. Make up your mind. God damn it. Like there are people that are surprised that I'm not like sort of progressing things romantically or like physically or anything like that because in my head, you want to be friends. I put you in the the friend category. The person that I'm going to be friends with, you know, that's how it works. My wife had to say she liked me like a boyfriend. Yeah, I thought we were just friends that hung out all the time. She has to tell me if something is brazenly brazenly flirting with me in front of her and like, OK, yeah, I've had a lot of situations like that, too, where my partner or like when my partner and me have gone to like a social event or like gone out to the bar or something. And like, I think there's one incident where I saw someone from my school who is quite drunk and we're having a really good conversation. I was like, oh, this is so nice. I'm connecting with someone from school. And then my partner came up to me like after after they'd sort of gone off and taught someone else that they were trying to like progress because they were like touching my shoulder like some people do and doing all that kind of stuff. But I didn't realize that they were flirting with me. It's it's a complex world. I obviously wasn't attempting to flirt with them back. It was just like I just didn't realize, you know, that sometimes it's really hard to tell. It sends a lot of mixed messages. And I definitely been there where I've assumed that there was something going on when it wasn't. So just be abundantly clear. This can be difficult, especially if you're a neurotypical person to be that straightforward. But it's better to be clear now in the beginning than having to sift through all of that confusing stuff later. This, of course, also applies to having a defining the relationship chat. You're going to be very straightforward with that as well. The second thing I wanted to talk about is understanding the differences of a neurodiverse person from a neurotypical person when it comes to relation. You didn't get into trouble. I did get into trouble. I didn't do anything wrong. Like I just continued talking to them, you know, I didn't. It wasn't like I was like escalating physically or anything like that. I was just talking to them and being like, oh, someone nice. He wants to talk to me and is interested in me. I'm like, hey, let's have a chat. You know, yeah. And so it goes. Well, as for when I was 14, we went to the movies. So it was mostly low key. We hadn't seen Toy Story and shared popcorn, hung out and laughed after. And his dad picked us up and got to know me. Then he sent me love songs. Oh, harder to tell in those innocent times. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, you might you might receive something else these days. Maybe an affectionate picture, you know, I'm talking about. Yeah, he was nice, but I only saw him as a friend. I didn't know what was happening. I got poems, never, never a love song. Poems are nice. I like a poem or flowers, even. I'm very partial to romantic gesture. Precious ships. I've written down myriad things to consider. So I'll just kind of go over them quickly, but you're going to want to consider them because dating a neurodiverse person is like dating someone who speaks a different language than you has a different thought process than you if you're neurotypical and you're going to want to understand some of those differences before you jump in and then have false expectations of what your relationship is going to look like. I think approaching this situation, if you know that this person's autistic that you're talking to, approaching the situation with an air of curiosity and trying to understand more about autism and themselves and how they work and how they perceive things and communicate is a really, really good way of going about it. Because number one, it informs you of that stuff. And number two, it's actually quite like a green flag, I'd say, for most people because you are trying to understand them and you're sort of accepting that they are different and you're wanting to understand those differences. Approaching it with an air of curiosity is a really, really good thing to do. They thought that I was a lesbian because I wasn't flirting with men on the ship. I ended up going on a date, then he asked to go back to his for a drink. I found out what he really meant, surprised in a good way. Well, I've had situations like that, but I was not expecting it and I did not want it because it really depends on the situation. For example, I've written a few things. The person who you're dating might need some extra time alone. They might have a delayed processing. Good thing, perhaps a little bit further down the line. Tens of social battery can look very different from person to person. If you find that they perhaps aren't as communicative over text, don't necessarily rule that out as being like signs that they're not interested. They may just be like that in terms of their communication. We tend to be, we tend to sometimes struggle with this like watering the plant as it be. And also, perhaps we may not want to continue to like progress the amount of time that we spend with you. There might be a cutoff point at which we do need like our own space and time. I think what would I just going to talk about next was like processing. Being aware of our differing, differing processing is important, both in terms of communication. So it might be that it takes us a few seconds or even more in some cases to understand what you're saying. Doesn't mean that we don't understand what you're saying. If we kind of blank and we don't move for like a second or two, and then we speak, it just means that we just sometimes take a bit more time to process. And also when it comes to emotions, emotions can take us a long time to figure out. So if you're in like the early stages of the relationship, it can take us a long time to figure out whether we have feelings in that sense for some people. In other cases, it may actually be that we don't know for such a large amount of time that we don't pursue. We don't sort of initiate. So if you're kind of on the other side and you are and someone's trying to like date an autistic man, it may not be that they initiate things as much. There's also these aspects of social anxiety involved in that. But, you know, time for gestures or conversations. They might experience meltdowns or autistic shutdowns. So understanding those are very important. 100 percent. Understanding that we might have meltdowns and shutdowns and what to do in those situations are very, very important. Sometimes the autistic people that you're talking talking to or trying to date may not have as much awareness as perhaps myself and would shed about their own sort of diagnosis and how they work and things of that nature. They might be very new to it. They might have been diagnosed younger and never really sort of continued to sort of develop their understanding of it. They may be very late diagnosed and sort of new to it. But in general, if someone sort of understands the diagnosis, they'll be able to give you some pointers on what to do in situations like that. You might experience some rudeness from the person that you're interested in. And not understand that sometimes autistic people are really straightforward. And sometimes that's considered rude to neurotypical and neurodiverse people alike. Just wondering for any A-fab individuals in the in the chat, have you had an experience where a man that you've you've been seeing has or like people have remarks like about your femininity because of like your direct communication style? Because I've heard that a few times sort of online in different spaces that like people can sort of interpret you for being as being like perhaps a bit more masculine because you are sort of straightforward and direct and they're not perhaps as used to that. My boyfriend actually has an easy time talking to me, but not not women. You know, so you sort of get that from from other other women as well. Interesting. You're going to want to understand that she might have some sensory issues that she deals with and that could be eye contact, might be uncomfortable for her, certain kinds of physical touch, physical affection without any warning first. These are things that can be hard for autistic people and you're going to want to keep them in mind. I think that this is really important, particularly on the physical touch front, because there is a lot of content around out there, particularly like the manosphere or like for like dating coaches that encourage men to sort of physically escalate by like touching on the shoulder or, you know, things of that nature. It's good to be aware of this if you are wanting to or you are dating an autistic woman or just any autistic person in general, because that we might have quite a negative reaction to that and feel a bit unsafe. So just be careful around that stuff. In my experience, actually, I know this might go a little bit against what Jad Fear is talking about. Definitely like be aware that they might not make as much eye contact, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you making eye contact is bad as someone who is neurotypical approaching the situation. You can still make the usual amount of eye contact that you make. Like and sometimes I think even even for myself, although I don't tend to make as as much eye contact, sometimes if we've been talking for quite a while and if you're comfortable sort of in a romantic sort of setting, you know, perhaps over dinner or having a drinks or something, eye contact can be quite attractive to me sometimes. Like it definitely shows like signs of interest and it can be a bit sort of romantically escalating in a sense. Sometimes just just my personal experience, which might be listening on TV volume level two, but your physical touch an interesting thing. Also with date selection, if someone someone that you're dating is autistic, try and choose somewhere which is perhaps less sensory provoking. Perhaps the usual places that you might you might go for dates might not be the best like a coffee grinder. Little things like that can sort of raise our stress, raise our stress levels and sort of impacts like the quality of the date in a sense. For me, eye contact is very intimate. Me too. Me too. I do like it like with like my past partners. I even make like probably too much eye contact to a certain extent, more than like my near typical partners would. But it really depends. It depends on the person. Depends how comfortable I feel. I don't really I don't think I find eye contact as difficult as a lot of autistic people that I've talked to or interacted with. But it's not as comfortable as for me that as like most people, but it is basically controlled by me. Someone's making eye contact with me. I just don't make eye contact. You know, trying to make eye contact with me doesn't matter because I'm not me. I'm not sort of reciprocating it. So you don't have to worry less. You don't have to worry on that front, I would say. I've been chatting to a guy and we just went on saying what we what we like, what is triggering, but he's autistic. So it feels more straightforward in communication. Yeah, it's a little bit easier to to converse with autistic people in my experience as an autistic person. Generally, not always. The only people I can make excellent eye contact for extended time is my mom and brother. I don't I don't get that really with my mom and brother. I'd say it's it's the same as with most people. Weirdly, it's only really with like romantic partners. Or like really, really good friends sometimes. It's very strange. She may have trouble or a delayed response and understanding gestures that maybe aren't as clear as they could be. For example, like romantic gestures where you're trying to hint at liking the person or wanting more from the person. That might be lost on an autistic girl. I had a recent call with someone who who got in touch through my talk to Thomas segment section. The service office, like a 50 minute call. I was talking to someone there and they were they were definitely doing a lot of the romantic gestures there. I bursted out laughing when you said you might serve it too hard. Just imagining it like my doers to go partners in the past would quite frequently like remark like what like when we're having a conversation, because I just wouldn't say anything. I'd just be like looking at them like what are you talking? Why are you why are you looking at me? I'm just just looking at you, you know. Good food in the most romantic city is what they say. Or even just something simple like going for a walk outside or something, something that perhaps doesn't require face to face interaction so much. Could be quite nice. You know, perhaps getting getting a coffee and going for a take out and then going for a walk if it's reasonably. It is reasonable in terms of like whether for me, I like someone direct and assertive. I just like having to guess what to do rather be guided if that helps in terms of physical touch. I have dated autistic people in the past and I'd say that my experience with dating autistic people aligns with what you're saying, Brie. Like it's there's definitely not as much initiation when it comes to physical contact, like kisses and things like that, just in general in my experience. Of course, not saying that is the same for everybody. She may experience trouble with understanding any intense feelings that she might be having or different feelings from the usual. And you're going to have to give her time to sort those out. You may feel like she's sending you mixed messages when she's just trying to communicate the way that she communicates. So you're going to have to be really patient with AASD girl if you want to date somebody who's on the spectrum. Next thing I thought would be good to talk about is planning dates with each other. It's OK for a date to be a surprise, but if it cannot be a surprise, that's also helpful. But if you do want to do. Yeah. You can give hints. Generally, I'd say give general hints, if anything I would say. Good for Gabby says, oh, yeah, I had a situation. I received an unwanted kiss. I was told that I was looking at them in a certain way, regardless of what my eyes were doing. The absence of concern was obviously an issue. Yes. I mean, it's it's a very difficult like to to know when to do it, especially if you're like both parties or autistic, like knowing when to sort of initiate a kiss. But I think if someone generally sort of moves that moves their head away, if you're trying to kiss them, you should stop. You know, or at least just be slow about it. You know, I mean, or ask them. That's a good way of doing it. Do you want? Do you want to kiss me? You know, girl, it sounds cringe me saying it out loud. And every initiate generally, since I don't know when people would want me to or not, I'm usually thinking about the sweet, sweet facts I must collect. I love that. Do a surprise. Just make sure you're giving girl some guidelines. Give her a timeline. When the date's going to be what kind of date it might be, an idea of what kind of activities you might be doing. Give her a general idea so that she can prepare mentally for what you're going to do. And that way, it's not just her sitting there in sensory overload, taking in all of the things that she didn't know she was going to do that day. So just giving some guidelines about the date or what you're going to be doing, where you're going to be going, what maybe she might want to wear. That's really something that gives autistic people peace. We still like the surprise, but certainty being able to plan ahead really helps autistic people with their sensory regulation. So it's just a suggestion I'd have for you if you want to be dating an autistic girl. The next two things are kind of together and that's make time to check in and be opened to different kinds of communication methods. It's really important when you're on the spectrum and maybe you're dating somebody. Asking is extremely romantic. That's been my experience. Yeah, I think so, too. I think a lot of people overestimate just how much like asking for stuff like that is going to impact the likelihood of them saying yes or no. I mean, if you say say something, the lines of. Give us a snog, you know, something like that. So, you know, you deliver it pretty, pretty badly. Then I can understand why. But if you ask them and there is some level of chemistry and things like that, then I think that's OK. I don't understand how some folks just assume the opportunity to touch you without asking first. Yeah, I don't have face. I would ever find anyone just don't say that as a good thing. It takes time, you know, lol hate surprises, too. When I know they're coming, if they're going to be surprised me, don't let me catch on that something is up snog, basically like it like kissing. But it's I think we use it a lot in the UK. I don't know if it's something that is in the in the US as much. Exactly. Asking is old school wooing. My lady, would you be interesting and interested in locking lips? Jesus, oh God. Who's not or vice versa or in any relationship to be checking in and communicating with each other about how that relationship is going. And sometimes when you're on the spectrum, it's easy to be out of sight, out of mind about issues. So if you feel like you're having an issue, the autistic person, autistic girl might not know that there is an issue and you're going to want to make time to sit down, talk about issues that you're having and not just assume that the other party knows that there's an issue. I guess that's true in any relationship, but it's especially true in autistic relationships. Now, the other part of that is to be open to different forms of communication is a lot of autistic people can be non-speaking. They can have a preferred mode of contact for me when I was dating my husband, we did a lot of corresponding via writing, internet chat, letters, emails, et cetera, because that is how I'm able to best express my thoughts. And I'm not so great at expressing everything I want to express when we're just talking one on one. Now, I've gotten better over the years, but I just wanted to bring this up because texting, emailing, Skype, Zoom, whatever, it might be easier for them to communicate with you via those methods. You might see a deeper and emotional side to your autistic crush, should we say, if you allow yourself to be open to those different forms of communication. So I think it's really important to consider that. I think in general, if you expect that perhaps the like the progression of the whole dating to seeing each other a lot to relationship, if you expect that there are going to be some differences and if you are willing to communicate about that and what they desire and what you desire, I think you'll do pretty well. I don't think that I think that if the more communication that you can have about stuff like that, the better, because it may not progress in the same way with autistic people than others because we don't tend to be in some areas to typical zone, but we don't tend to be as sort of adherents to social norms if it doesn't suit us or if it doesn't fit us. Some people might want to want to live with a partner. Some people might not want to spend every night on the couch or watching TV with a partner. They might want to be off doing their own thing. You know, they may not want to see you more than once or twice a week. Even you need to you need to ask and not not sort of enforce greater sort of societal expectations on the progression of the relationship. It should always be a I think in general, it is good advice like to like communicate about what you want. But I think when you're dating someone who is different, it's good to good to ask them like what what they what what they want. Minting my words there. The word snog just goes straight through me. The word gives me chills in a good way or a bad way. Some words just sound wrong. It creates some sensations like moist. I quite like the word moist. I don't quite I don't like I have that feeling with the word snog. It's not a good one. I don't think that I wanted to talk about is understanding special interests on the autism spectrum. And I know that this is like old. I talk about it in every video. But let's talk about how autistic people can have other people, other individuals, special interests. We also have extremely deep feelings, even if you can't see it yourself. What happens then? You approach an autistic person, you're interested in them and you want to perhaps take them out on a date or you want to pursue a relationship. And then you notice that the autistic person comes back at you with I won't say love bombing because it's not a narcissistic thing. But they're love bombing in that it's a very intense, fast, emotional connection that they want to have with you. And you might not be ready for that. So just keep in mind that autistic women, I can't speak for men. No, no, I mean, definitely looking back in my past, I have had situations like that. I like the terminology, like the use of terminology around like having a special interest in somebody. Makes sense. You want to know everything about them, you know? You get you get sort of fixated on them. You thinking about all the time you're trying to you're waiting for them to text back all the time kind of thing. I think some neurotypicals can have a similar experience, but I think sometimes that that has happened in the past. I've definitely as as with age, I've perhaps got a little bit more reasonable with that. Perhaps not jump into things too quickly. It's probably usually not the best part of call. Ten to really want relationships and we want that deep connection with people. And we're not sure how to have it. So if somebody reaches out to us and they want that relationship with us hook, line, sinker, we are into it. And a lot of times that person that we're dating can become a special interest and it might feel overwhelming to you. So you need to understand that what's happening there is that that person is giving you some of their brain space, their interest because they're so intent on having that deep relationship with someone and it could be off putting or overwhelming that somebody would jump in that fast. Yeah, I think it's also worthwhile saying that. You know, perhaps you might want to. Navigates sort of the. The relationship or the potential relationship with a bit more sensitivity than usual. It doesn't go for everybody, but I think there's quite a lot of autistic people and it was was at one point myself. I didn't really have many connections with people. Many sort of friends. I didn't have much experience when it when it came to dating. And so, like, if something went wrong in the dating process, something went wrong and like the person just like immediately like could cut you out or cut me out of their life, you know, without sort of having a conversation about it and trying to like. Be a bit softer and more sensitive. I think it's worth being aware of stuff like that because it can hit us a lot more intensely in terms of like developing that special interest and in someone because we are like sort of craving that sort of connection and interaction sometimes obviously dependent on the person. But just like approach it with a bit more sensitivity than usual, I would say, and try not to make make everything so complex and difficult very, very, very quickly or not communicate and not talk about stuff like this if they are being a bit intense, you know, instead of saying instead of stopping talking to them as much and perhaps backing off a little bit and instead of perhaps like indirectly expressing that you're not particularly comfortable with it, perhaps talk to them about it and say, you know, and say, I do actually like you and I would like to continue dating you. I'm just finding it a little bit intense at the moment in terms of communication. And it doesn't mean that I don't like you or anything like that, but it's just a bit fast too quickly. Perhaps we can take things a bit slower, that kind of thing. Being a bit more direct about it is is important. Autistic women in particular can follow love intensely and quickly. We'll also seek reassurance from the other party that they feel the same way as we do. And it can be confusing for us when we don't feel that back or we're not getting that same love. I think as well, what they're getting at, I think a good important aspect to this is direct affirmation, something that I've talked about quite a bit. Let them know how you feel about them. Because we don't always assume things based on like who, how much time you're spending with us or what we're doing together and things of that nature. Sometimes saying it, saying I'm falling for you or I like you a lot or even I love you at some point. Be direct about stuff like that. Obviously, they don't have the first date and say I love you kind of thing, but that might be a bit too intense. But you know what I mean? Just give some direct affirmations here and there just to let them know how you feel and such. It can really help us feel a bit more comfortable in the whole process of all of intense interest in us. When obviously we like you so much because you reached out and you wanted to be a part of our lives. So why aren't you in this all consuming mode that we're in at the time? We also have a very vibrant mind as far as imagination and hopes and dreams and plans for the future. So as soon as we make a connection with someone, it can be hard for us to pump the brakes and say, hey, let's take things slow when we're already married with eight kids and grandchildren sitting on the rocking chair somewhere. I don't know if this makes sense, but I'm just trying to share my experience to help you out. Now, all of that being said, because it sounds a little bit scary to like, why would I want to date an autistic girl if that's going to happen? It sounds scary to me. But I think that's I mean, yeah, I mean, if someone was saying that to me, then it would kind of I mean, I'm not I'm not like opposed and, you know, depending on the context and who it is and and such to getting a bit like, you know, a bit sort of looking into the future and sort of thinking, oh, this is going to be great and all that. But perhaps maybe don't lead with that. I think it could it could it could somewhat turn away some people. I would feel a bit overwhelmed by that myself, even like if I've been dating someone for a while and we're like boyfriend, girlfriend situation, them might be a bit be a bit overwhelming. It depends on the person, though, doesn't it? I suppose I know some people who just kind of jump into things very quickly and they feel all the feels and they sort of talk about their life together and stuff and it's not me. I'm a bit slow. I'd say it's extremely worth it to date a woman who is on the spectrum, one, because we're very loyal. We're also extremely loving direct or kind hearted. We're interesting people. We're smart, well intentioned is a big one. Autistic people aren't normally going to try and hurt you. So even though initially a relationship with an autistic woman can be very they won't try and hurt you. I don't know if that's a good thing. That's not I mean, it's definitely a good thing. But I mean, it's not representative of everybody. Autism doesn't necessarily come with any inherent sort of morality on either side. Some people can be toxic. I've known some autistic people to be extremely kind of all the games being played, kind of ideas, no idea. You know, I know some people who play play like a lot of mind games and sort of emotional things like that. It really depends on the person and baffled as to how people would and can be in serious relationships. I find people to be so exhausting and nothing fixes this communication, learning to be yourself on masking, you know, connecting with somebody who has shared values and cares for you and you care for them. And and respecting each other's needs and boundaries. It depends, though, because you've got to find you've got to find a good one. You know, someone who's who's very suited to spill the warning signs just making things complex when they don't need to be, you know, would you say it's incorrect that all autistic people are guileless? Yeah, I think it's incorrect. I don't I don't think that's the case. We do tend to be a little black and white and there's no surprise that that spills over into relationships, too. Yeah. And having open communication, I think that's also something that you should look for in an autistic partner. Having being able to have emotional kind of open communication channels is really, really important from both sides. So it's not only important for you and sort of being curious, but you want them to be curious about you and how you work and also be able to to communicate about things, you know, rather than sort of letting things sit sort of in the background. I mean, communication, obviously, like, I mean, everyone talks about it as being good. But if you're having a neurodiverse relationship, someone with someone who is not neurotypical and you are neurotypical. Definitely important to to have that curiosity and that open communication. So set up from from the start, intense. It can also lead to some wonderful relationships and a start of something that could be really long term for you. But as I mentioned before, it's just important to know what you're getting into. So if you want to date an autistic girl. Yeah, being literal and, you know, asking things directly and understanding autism is important. But also just know that we're people to we can be really intense from the get go. But things usually do mellow out eventually as we find our groove in relationships. So just have the patience to get through that initial honeymoon phase, excitement phase and have the patience to understand the wonderful things that can come with dating an autistic person and having a relationship with an autistic person. I think there's a couple more things that I would add. I would say try and play to their routine quite well. So if you if you're not satisfied with the amount of communication that you have with them, maybe talk to them about having doing like a weekly thing or having like a weekly time during the week that you tend to spend time with each other. If you are dating them for a significant amount of time that can alleviate a lot of pressure, because we don't always know how much to talk and how much to, you know, interact with people. And, you know, I think everybody's rules without some degree. But for us, it can having that sort of routine and sort of connecting with you in any in any form of your choosing. I think is a good way to go about it. Yeah, it does it does help like it really does. Like, you know, I mean, my experience, I'm I tend to have a very, very low social battery. In general, I don't specifically I don't particularly like to text all the time. But if my partner wanted to perhaps call every week at a certain time, I'd be like, sure, that'd be good. Or they wanted to see me in particular days of the week. And I'll be like, OK, that's cool. I'll remember that and we'll we'll do the stuff on that day. It just helps a lot. It makes it helps cut out potentials for, you know, difficulties around like mismatching schedules and routines. And, you know, if we're very hyper fixated on our goals and our interests and what we're doing during the day, sometimes we can sort of forget about sort of maintaining things in that way. I mean, I think this is a really good video. And, you know, definitely a lot of food for thought. Interesting. It can definitely be a very different approaching sort of a neurodiverse relationship if you've only dated over a neurotypical individuals. And even if you're autistic and you've only dated neurotypical individuals and get to date an autistic person, it can be somewhat different in ways and adapting, learning, communicating. You know, all that stuff that people talk about, it's it's highly important and being direct and making things a bit sort of certain, simple, easy. Although a lot of dating people out there might say you're going to make things complex and unpredictable and all that. Just please do not do that with autistic people. You will not have a very productive time with that, I would say. But yeah, let's watch the end of this video. See what which has got to say and then we'll wrap up. Hope it goes well for you. If you're watching this thinking, I want to date an autistic girl. What do I do? Well, you can follow some of the things I've said today. And, you know, let me know how it goes. But you got this. Have a wonderful day. I know I didn't go over everything. This is a huge topic. I talk a lot more about autism and dating in my video with Orion. If you want to check that out, please have a wonderful day and I will talk to you next time. Bye. I like the use of please have a wonderful day. It doesn't quite impact my PDA as much than people saying have a wonderful day. Don't know if any of you can relate to that. It's like when, you know, you go to the doctors and say, OK, have a good day. Right. Don't tell me what to do. An advert says, you know, book a holiday to here now. OK, I actually do want to go there, but don't tell me what to do. Skaterboy says, I didn't know I was autistic until my last relationship. We both figured it out together and helped to understand our issues a lot better, even though it didn't work out for many other reasons. Yeah, it can definitely be like a really key thing. And if you are approaching things from the autistic side, I'd highly recommend like trying to to understand some of the differences because there is differences like being autistic, but also like interpersonal with another with another with a neurotypical individual. There are some differences there that do need to like. I think getting to a point where you can explain the important things and explain it in a relatable way can be really, really, really key. Um, because there's been a lot of situations where there's been miscommunication, but it's been from my side as well, I would say, like I just didn't communicate. I kind of assumed things and, you know, and and so it's it's important to really to really try and try and understand sort of the differences in communication. For me, I couldn't imagine dating an NT guy, but I don't know. I feel like too much effort. I'm used to I'm used to dating neurotypical or all this stick women. It's not intentional. Like, I think I do. I do good with autistic girlfriend, but it's not really something that I necessarily like look for. Like if someone's got all the things that I'm looking for and is also autistic, it's kind of like an added bonus, but it's not the main thing. How is it for you, Thomas? Is it energy taking? No, it's not so energy taking because the thing is I'm amassed to such a large degree that I self advocate pretty consistently. So I advocate for my own communication style. I basically say something along the lines of, you know, if you want me to know something, you need to tell me kind of thing. And I just try not to read into things too much and try and understand the indirect communication. If they don't say something or like something goes wrong and they get upset about something and directly they expressed, you know, I hear them out and I understand. I'm like, OK, you know, I'm autistic. I don't work like that kind of thing. You just try not to apply yourself too much to those neurotypical expectations. You know, it is a situation where there is two people involved. One is yourself. One is someone who isn't autistic. You've got to work things out between you and not necessarily try to push a certain way of being in a relationship just because it's something that they used to. But you've got to communicate about it. You've got to it's different person to person. Well, that has been another beautiful, wonderful, magnificent video from Woodshed Theory, friend of the channel, of course. And if you do want to watch some more stuff, I highly recommend going over to Woodshed Theory's channel. Given a subscribe, like the video, comment comment on the how to date an autistic girl, say Thomas Santu. Say hi from me. And yeah, if you are looking for a little bit more insight into dating autistic people, I do have a lot of videos on my channel and also a podcast with a neurotypical individual who specializes in helping neurotypical partners date and sort of have relationships with autistic people. It's kind of two sides of the same coin. So I highly recommend that podcast. And if you want to learn more about autism and stay up to date with all the stuff that I'm doing, subscribe and drop a like and all that lovely stuff. See you later.