 Your Christmas gift is on its way. My next video is the toxic family holidays reunion guide Sounds like a horror movie, and I promise you it is My name is Sam Vaknim, and I'm a professor of psychology And I'm the author of Malignant self-love narcissism visited and I haven't slept all night don't ask and I am going to make a very short video now about some differences in Social sexuality Okay, people with unrestricted social sexuality Social sexuality is your attitudes to sex mainly with strangers. In other words, can you and do you have sex with strangers? Without any problem. Do you actually like it? Then you are social sexually Unrestricted you are social sexually permissive If you cannot have sex with strangers, if you need a modicum of connection some type of acquaintance a little chat or talk before Getting to know the other person Definitely if you need emotions you are demisexual in these cases You are socially social sexually restricted So socials people with unrestricted Social sexuality people who can and do have sex with strangers on a regular basis people who are from miscreants People who are dissociative They have the sex and then they forget big parts of the of the sex and even the partner People who are dysregulated sexually All these people are typically subclinical psychopaths subclinical psychopathy is psychopathy that cannot be diagnosed. It doesn't meet the criteria You don't pass the PCL the PCL artist with a sufficient number of points, which is 30 in North America So if you still act in a psychopathic way, you are defined your conchumaceous you resist authority your reckless Etc. Etc. You're you have a kind of a psychopathic style to borrow Lynn's Paris term In this case, you may be a subclinical psychopath Subclinical psychopathy subclinical narcissism and Machiavellianism or manipulativeness These are the ingredients of the dark triad person personality The dark tetrad personality includes satism So back to the topic Vaknin People with unrestricted social sexuality promiscuous dissociative dysregulated sexuality are typically also subclinical psychopaths I said it before why am I repeating myself? But there is a group of people who sleep with strangers habitually They are in many ways promiscuous They do dissociate And they are dysregulated But they are not social sexually unrestricted They hold a traditional view of sex They have conservative values They've been brought up in the religious family or a highly traditional society with specific rigid gender roles With how to behave and how to not behave What constitutes a whole and what constitutes a bro? Etc So these kind of people behave as if they were social sexually unrestricted But actually they're social sexually restricted and this of course creates a dissonance This creates a cognitive or other dissonance between their values their traditions their upbringing expectations of their environment and their actual behavior And these people are usually frequently ego dystonic They don't feel comfortable with what they're doing They regret the sex And they go through bouts of shame and guilt after each sexual incident They usually have sex because they get drunk And they get drunk in order to have sex Some of them are shy introverted socially inhibited And so they use alcohol for example to disinhibit themselves Then they become a lot more sociable a lot more horny And they end up having sex with strangers which they didn't want to do in the first place So they're ego dystonic They have an inner dissonance they have an inner conflict that they cannot resolve between who they are and how they act As time passes With the accumulation of these misbehaviors With a lot of guilt and shame layered upon more guilt and shame Regrets To ameliorate all these The ego dystonic person takes steps Now guilt and shame and regret create anxiety And the anxiety is of two types Anxiety because what you have done Anxiety because of what you are about to do Anticipatory anxiety I'm about to lapse I'm about to do this again I know I'm going to do this again. I know I'm doing it right now. I know I shouldn't do it So there's a lot of anxiety involved in in such people Together with the cognitive and other dissonances Axiological dissonance other dissonances Together with the cognitive dissonance There's anticipatory anxiety and there is actual post facto Anxiety there's regret the shame and there's guilt And all these become intolerable So these kind of people who act promiscuously permissively Have sex habitually with strangers Even though everything they believe and everything they are Tell them not to do so These people begin to avoid situations and activities that lead to sex This process is known as constriction They begin to constrict themselves In many cases They end up being atomized self-sufficient and schizoid They avoid people They avoid parties They avoid nightclubs They avoid crowds They avoid members of the opposite sex if they are heterosexual members of the same sex if they're homosexual They just avoid All triggers possibilities opportunities Occasions for sex They begin to regard sex It's a very negative thing They begin to develop sex negativity As opposed to sex positivity Because sex makes them feel bad But you can ask okay Why don't they have The kind of sex that would make them feel good Only with an intimate partner Only after a period of acquaintance Only Involving intimacy Only in settings that Would render the sex loving Why don't they adopt a different lifestyle? Why don't they move away From a stranger's sex? And thereby Result in excellence Or avoid it Because they can't help it They're mentally ill in a majority of cases Their mental illness Pushes them to act out Their mental illness forces them To regulate internal processes Such as anxiety Such as depression Via sex They self-medicate with sex The drinking exacerbates the situation Because it provides an alibi I did it because I was drunk I didn't know what I was doing He took advantage of me So the drinking is a kind of cover The drinking also disinhibits And gradually these people develop A drinking habit It's as bad as that So they decline They decline and degenerate Into a state of alcoholism in effect Or at the very least Substance abuse disorder Alcohol abuse disorder On the one hand And the alcohol gets intimately connected To sex with strangers on the other hand And so in specific settings Their reactions are totally Automated Totally robotic They find themselves in a nightclub They find a man They drink with him Sleep with him End of story It's utterly conditioned in a way It's habituated Becomes a habit And they have no alternative ways Of regulating their internal environment Everything else they've tried Has failed They also are not getting support From their family Community Neighborhood Values It's a harsh inner critic So they can't They don't receive any sacro from inside And they don't receive any sacro From outside And so they Self-soothe And self-medicate With Stranger sex Because they have no other viable alternative Being mentally ill They also find it very difficult To maintain long-term relationships They spiral down It's a downward spiral And they can't stop it They misbehave By their own standards They get drunk, they sleep with strangers Then they feel bad, they feel regret And shame and guilt They castigate and chastise themselves They hate themselves, they love themselves They want to destroy themselves And the best way to destroy yourself Is to again go to a bar Get drunk and sleep with a stranger They self-harm And self-mutilate With strangers sex And this is what is known as Self-trashing But many of them choose the solution Of simply avoiding life Avoiding Anything outside the home Not going out Not meeting other people Not going to parties Not going to bars Not going to restaurants even Not leaving home And this is constriction It's a common outcome In borderline personality disorder And histrionic personality disorder But not in Somatic narcissism Which is egocintonic Somatic narcissism Doesn't see anything bad In what he's doing The irony is that these conditions Have very very effective treatments For example, electrical behaviour therapy Cures 50% of people With borderline personality disorder Within one year The passage of time Is another way to heal Or to cure borderline personality disorder Well, over 81% of people Diagnosed with BPD Lose the diagnosis By age 40 or 45 Similarly, histrionic Personality disorder Is not a very serious condition It can be Treated by modifying behaviours Behaviour modification techniques And therapies such as Schema therapy Transactional analysis Gestalt therapy They are very very efficient In treating borderline And histrionic personality disorders So constriction Deterioration Degeneration Into a state of solitude Malignance of sufficiency Fear of life Avoiding people Just because you think You are out of control Disregulated Hopeless Lost case This is wrong That's not the way to go Because there is More than one way out And as opposed to narcissism and psychopathy Where we literally Have no effective treatments None We can modify behaviours In the best case In the case of borderline Personality disorders Mood disorders which lead to the same Outcomes sometimes Depression, anxiety disorders In all these cases We have very very Efficacious treatments Anything from talk therapies Variety of treatment modalities To medication So Don't give up on life Don't withdraw into your small room With netflix and two cats Or a roommate Go out there Seek help Better yourself Change yourself Modify your behaviours Learn to control your impulses Which is something dbt teaches very effectively And then Go out And re-engage with life This time Equipped, stronger More resilient With a more stable identity Able to cope With internal stresses And external ones It's been done before By tens of millions of people The woman who invented dialectical behaviour therapy Was hospitalized a mental asylum She had borderline personality disorder And he deteriorated into psychosis This woman Gave us dbt The most successful therapy In the history of therapies There's always hope There's always hope in this disorder Psychopathy Is arguably Not a mental health issue at all Narcissism is Both of them Are pretty irredeemable There's very little we can do But everything else Literally everything else From schizophrenia To bipolar, to depression To anxiety, to borderline To histrionic You name it Literally everything else We can treat Very very successfully So what are you waiting for? Get out Get in there And do your thing