 Welcome to Adam Does Movies Live. It's Saturday night, and I'm feeling all right. I'm actually all over the place, of course. I got my haircut feeling a little nice. I have a big trip coming up with my family. We're going to be gone for an entire week at Universal Studios and Epcot, maybe one other Disney park. But as of now, we've got four days at Universal. Starting on tomorrow Sunday, we leave Monday. Monday through Thursday, we'll be all over Harry Potter. We'll be all over Jurassic Park. We're going to be there. So if you're in the neighborhood in Orlando, feel free to stop by and say hi, as you see me awkwardly walking around, yelling at my children, getting drunk off butterbeer. It's the dream, after all. Hope you guys are all having a good weekend. I've been trying to stay caught up with my real job. I've been trying to get some videos batched. It hasn't gone that well at all. But I do plan on doing a lot of footage at Universal since I did go last year. At the same time with my family, we had a blast. I didn't take a lot of footage there. This time around, it'll be different. I plan on doing some fun videos, having fun with the family. It's going to be a good time, I promise you. We're going to have fun with it. And since I really want to start this year off well, by the way, I apologize if I have slurs. If I do, let me know in the chat. I have my Invisalign in. Usually I take it out for these, but it's been out a lot today and I want to keep up with my teeth. Keep them straight, keep them secure. But I can take them out if it's annoying. I don't plan on talking much outside of this intro. What I plan on doing is writing. If you don't know at this point, I do have a movie script in the works. I am on page 82. E3, E4, E5, E6, E7, E8, and I need to get to 90 for a 90-minute movie. I need eight more pages. I already have a beginning, middle, and end. I love the script, I'm very happy with it, and now I get to flesh it out. So because it's a new year and I want to start on the right foot, I want to make sure I get the script done. And then my next step is to build a pitch deck. And then from there is the easy part, which is of course getting it funded, make millions of dollars, become a huge success. That's all the easy stuff. I do want to say super chats are always appreciated. If you have a nostalgic video, you would like to super chat out, please do so. It's the life bud of my, it's the life bud. I can't even talk with these in. It's the life blood of the channel. And I'm sure that's going to be the same in 2024. So I would appreciate it. You say, hey, Adam, appreciate it, love you. This is my favorite video from you. People asking about movie trivia, there will be trivia again. I do have a YouTube video that actually highlights that entire live stream. And then I do an intro outro and that's going to go on the, like the main channel. It's not alive. And it's just a highlight basically of that entire thing. I had a blast with those people that joined me a couple of days back. And we are definitely going to do more movie trivia in the future on hopefully Fridays, but next week is going to be a shit shell. Probably won't have any live streams. If I do, they will be some sort of pre-recorded event because I'll be gone. Okay, the topic tonight is I'm going to be in the corner on a tiny screen, just typing and working on mute. I will introduce a video because I'm doing 10 of them. I have my top 10 favorite videos of all time on my YouTube channel, both this one and the secondary. And here's going to be a shameless plug. All, I'd say almost all of these videos are private, what I'm showing them to you today. There are 300 exclusive videos, more than that on Patreon and YouTube join. If you're a YouTube join member, you get access to them at even the $1. There's playlists you can find that have my Adam Rantz, my car side reviews, all the cringe episodes, all the movie boss episodes, all the nerds and players episodes. There's tons of stuff, random one-off skits too. Definitely worth a dollar a month and absolutely helps support the channel. With that said, let's introduce the first video and I'm gonna get to work on my end. So I'm going to bring up, let me bring up, I got a whole bunch of, oh, I have to add this one because you can only have 10 videos at a time and I had to put that introduction on here. So let me get the one video that's not on here. This is an oldie. This is the oldest video on here, the most obscure one. And the reason I am adding this one to the playlist is because I lived in Arizona at the time. It was one of the first things I wrote outside of my stuff with my buddies back in Minnesota. And I had like two random guys in it that I kind of befriended out there and it turned out pretty good. I enjoy this, it's not amazing by any means, but it's a fun little sketch and I still look back on it fondly all these years later. So enjoy when I add it. It was supposed to come up, but it didn't because I did not remove this other stupid thing. Okay, let me try it one more time. Let me add the video. It always goes swimmingly. It always goes swimmingly. As I was saying. Lego tech support, this is James speaking. I remember some major, major issues on a project that I'm working on right now. Sir, if I could just get your name, we can look that up for you right away. The name they're cheap is Venezuela. Jason, Venezuela. Okay, Mr. Venezuela, I see you recently purchased Extreme Makeover Edition Lego House with the Tide Pennington signature. Is that the current project you're having problems with today? That's correct. What exactly is the problem we're having today, champ? Well, I was working on the front window and I have a, let me guess, you're having a problem with the one by four by two arch frame and the gap between the one by one retaining blocks. Is that correct? Right. How'd you know that? Funnily enough, if funnily is even a word, we've had some problems with this set in the past. Lego's looking into the situation. Well, right now I have a situation. I'm pretty freaking tired there, Jimbo. I understand your frustration, sir, and believe me, I will stay on this line with you until we get the problem fixed. I am currently bringing up the building blocks manifest right now. Hey, look here, pal. I'm not some six-year-old kid, okay? I built 375 sets and 1,000 custom sets, all right? I built the Millennium Falcon. That's 5K piece large. I am well aware of the Millennium's content, sir, and I am sorry if I sounded like I was insulting you. I assure you I didn't mean any disrespect by my comment. I'm just here to help you and pick up the pieces, so to speak. Apparently, I'm missing one, one and a quarter block. That should pretty much solve the situation. Sir, no disrespect again, but I have seen the situation before, and it is not one, one-by-four block. It is three, one-by-four plates. Now, if you don't know what the plates are, I don't know what the plates are, James. Yeah, of course you do. You should have three black ones in your set to use, though, and that will solve the problem. Hold on a second. Hey, Jimbo, listen, I don't have any thin ones in my set. Two geniuses over there really must have messed up again. You set my set without them. You shipped them out. I don't have the three pieces. I'm gonna help you. Not because I want to. Believe me, at this point I don't, but because it's the right thing to do. It's the Lego thing to do. So what now? What's the next step? Wow, no apology. Okay, I was kinda banking on one, but moving on. I'm going to be sending out a technician in your area right now to help you with your situation. Hopefully that will take care of the problem because guess what? Time's up here, nothing else I can do for you. Thanks. So because you cannot help me, I've gotta wait in eternity for some other idiot who knows less about Legos than you do that couldn't tell me something I already know. And you just crossed the line. Consider this conversation over. Oh man, it was over when you picked up the call. Here's a crazy idea. How about you take your little blocks and build yourself a road to hell? Block you. No, block you. God. Wow, that was fast. I guess that all's lost with you guys. Yeah, just happened to be in the area. We're gonna, uh, buy a little job when I got the call. So you've got my pieces then? Yes sir. Well, I need the three one by four black plates. These are green. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Those are specialty pieces. I was uninformed. Here you go, sir. Thanks. Let yourself out. You know, I've been with the company for 15 years. Congratulations. You know, I've seen my fair share of crazy. Are we done here? You are. Expect the full investigation into this matter. Legos does not deserve to have this name be brought down because you don't have the blocks to say you screwed up. Get the hell out of my house. My pleasure. What? It's James. I'm hanging up. Yeah, that's cool, man. That's fine, man. Just wanted to make sure everything was satisfactory and I wanted to ask you a quick question. Yeah, James, everything's outstanding. What do you want? Was it worth it? You're gonna get this set done now, Jason. Maybe take a picture of it posted on YouTube or in a blog about it. How great you are. Super lego all-star man. Think about this, Jason. Kid comes home, looks at that picture, says, hey, dad, let's build that house. Kid's gonna wanna build that house. You're not gonna know what to say to the kid because you had those three pieces the whole time. I knew it. The technician knew it, Jason. Everybody knows it. And now you gotta live with that lie. It's a deadly sin, my friend. It's a deadly sin. Wasn't worth it? Goodbye, Godspeed. That was Lego Tech Support. Real drama really kind of goes in a dark direction at the end with Jason Venezuela, questioning everything he's done in his life. I enjoy that video. It's so ridiculous. From the Tide Pennington Signature Series Lego House to just the fact that there's a technician in the area that stops by. He's got gloves and specialty pieces. It's so stupid. That was a fun one for me. Shot in Arizona. By the way, I shoot all the videos. If it's not me on camera, I'm the one filming almost every time. Drop the better help, Adoread. What should we go to next? In the number nine spot, let's do a quick one. Let's do a really fast one. This was a meme that was popular a couple of years ago. Like eight years ago now. It's been a long freaking time. It's like a two and a half minute video. It's really stupid, surprisingly. I'll just let it speak for itself. I'm 41 years old. I'm an adult. Some people dream of success while you're going to wake up and work hard at it. Nothing is impossible. Kill a man. So you have that rush inside that feeling of just satisfaction for taking someone else's life. Maybe choke them out with your bare hands. Just come true. Just do it. Take swimming lessons. That's something every person should know how to do. And if you think you know what you don't know, get them again. Do it. You might. Go out into the wild frontier. Find a horse. Break her. Get an emotional response from that horse and ride her till she's dead. That, that's, that's living. Don't just be on your high horse or chair. If your turn is turning over, stop giving up. Make a difference. Recycle. Don't let your dreams be dreams. Yesterday you said tomorrow. So just lose it. Just lose it. Go crazy. Hey, baby. For those wondering what Feud Nation was, that was one of my channel names at the time. It was the channels on YouTube went movie feuds, Feud Nation, Adam Does Movies, I think. And then there was the second channel, which was Adam Olinger, which is entirely private. All those videos are private for Patreon and YouTube joint members. Oh man, just do it. Yellow Kirby, how old was I in Arizona? When I made that Lego video? Oh my God, I don't know. I would have been in late 20s. I would have been like 28 or 27 because that was pre-YouTube. That was, I mean, that was pre me being on YouTube. Okay, let's do, let's see, which one should we go with? Let's do something a little longer so that I can get going on my script. This is a long one. That's what she said. Our favorite, our favorite friend is here. He's ready to go. Let's listen to what Khaleesi has to say. Avengers comes out next week. So it's a little safe to say I am super pumped for Endgame. What better way to show my excitement than to arbitrarily rank all 200 MCU films in no particular order? No one has ever done this ever. Number one, The Incredible Hulk. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. Shut up. I know what you're thinking. Khaleesi, this movie's not bad. In fact, I love it. I think it's great. I love it. I'd have a plate of it. Stack on it, save some for later. It's that good. Marcus Ruff has taken the character to such significant heights that Edward Norton, honestly, I don't think could. Number one, Iron Man Dose. That means doing Spanish. Why do I know that? It's good. It's just good. Whiplash on the racetrack, smacking those chains around, doing the whip smack. That's what I call it. It's like, it's like the new dab. It's like. Subscribe. We're also introduced to Black Widow for the first time. She's so hot, super hot, hot as shit. I'm gonna marry her someday. Number one, Thor. The Dark World. More like Thor, the Snore World. Am I right? No, I'm wrong. That movie's perfect. It's got elves. It's got magic. It's got Natalie Portman playing her iconic character that has no personality again. Jane Foster, gonna marry her someday. Lest we forget Cat Dennings. She's witty. She's funny. She's perfect. She's Cat, her. And I'm gonna marry her someday. Number one, Venom. I know, not part of the MCU, but it's so good. Don't sleep on Venom. Seriously don't, he'd hurt you. See this film. Number one, Captain America. Christian Evans is Captain America. Oh, Captain, my captain. He's built like a tank and moves like a skank. Skank is a steady paced dance to ray game music. Characterized by rhythmically bending forward, raising the knees and extending the hands, palms downward. Oh wait, you thought skank like the derogatory term. Oh, such a nerd. I know things. Number one, but I just had it. I lost it somewhere. Oh, I know, it's Ant-Man. It's small, I can see him. Although sometimes he gets large too. He can grow from small to big like a penis. I wish mine could. This one's just fun. It features a Thomas engine. A giant Thomas toy for this soy boy makes the girls go coy. I've wrenched my scout leader at a weekend retreat. Number one, Thor. He's back at the number one spot. Thor was one of the original Avengers in these films. That's something you may not have known. If you're a fucking idiot, everybody should know that. Thor, pronounced Thor in Latin, is a chiseled Adonis that can wield a hammer and control the power of lightning. So naturally, Chris Hemsworth, an actual God, was chosen to play this guy. I'm gonna marry him someday. As a bonus, we have some bird up there sniping from the Eagle's Nest. It's Hawkeye. What's a hawk doing in an Eagle's Nest? Fucking kill me. Number one, oh no, I lost my pick again and not for the reasons you might think. It's because there's a ghost in this picture. See, different play on words. Ant-Man and the Wasp. Ant-Man and the Wasp is the type of easy breezy cover girl popcorn summer action flick I look for. And can I be frank with you? You can be Joseph. I'm super pumped that Disney decided to pass on Edgar Wright, visionary director behind movies like Scott Pilgrim and instead went with the generic director. It truly could have been something special. That scares me. Well, there's something strange in the neighborhood. Who are you gonna call? Hopefully someone to greenlight a sequel to the masterpiece that was the all-female ghost busters from a couple years back. I'm talking, of course, seriously about Dr. Strange. Some of the criticism out there is that Dr. Strange feels like a Me Too Iron Man with a very similar protagonist and a very similar plot wrapped in a different package. I don't know about them, but I happen to like a tight package. Number one, Spider-Man Homecoming. Finally, Marvel has done it. They have produced an amazing Spider-Man movie. That's already a movie. And not only did they produce a terrific first outing for this character for the third time, they also brought me myself to my first homecoming because no girl would go with me when I went to high school because of the micro penis. This Peter Parker reminds me of a line from Iron Man 1. Take away the suit, and what do you have left? In this case, a really smart high schooler that got pretty much no abilities from the Spider-Bite itself. Polarizing, controversial, subverts expectations. No, I'm not talking about The Last Jedi for once. That movie was my 9-11. It's popular to hate on Iron Man 3, but I'm firmly in his camp. Number one, Avengers. Sun's gettin' real low, assholes. If you hated Age of Ultron because it's too convoluted or has a lot of half-baked ideas, then you're part of the problem. Is this movie perfect? Of course. Does Joss Whedon know how to properly frame up a woman in a push-up raw? Absolutely, he does. Look, I'm a simple man. I see Chris Evans split a log in two with his bare hands. I'm a harder than a Metallica concert from the 80s. I know, not that that says a lot because of the fun-sized sneakers I'm packing between my legs. Number one, Civil War. Between this and Batman v Superman, there was a lot of really good movies that came out that year. They were both very well-incredibly made pieces of cinematic art, both of them equally the same. In fact, it'd be hard for me to choose between them, even if you had a gun pointed at my head. Batman, of course, holding the gun, and he would chew me regardless if I told the truth or not. The airport sequence alone that ended in zero stakes and had no consequences to any of the films moving forward, that's what I loved about movies. No stakes, no consequences. Just mindless action that leads to nothing. I love film. Number, Are We Almost Done? Avengers. This was a big one, folks. And no, I'm not talking about my... I think I said, wow, at least a dozen times during this picture. Loki was such a cool villain. Let's be honest, I stand him from day one and I'm an adult who used the term stand. And even though the last 45 minutes of that picture were essentially the last three Transformers movies, just substituting out-of-frame robots with superheroes, I still thought it was fresh and fun. In fact, I know right after that movie was done, I went home and cried for a full hour into a pillow because I was that excited and moved by the picture. That's what a stable person does. Number one, Guardians of the Galaxy. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. Number one, volume two, Guardians of the Galaxy. I am Groot. I've just met Sid and Matthew. I'm not gonna do that again. I'm not a complete hack. The franchise is everything to me because I have so little going on in my life. I love my Star-Lord. I love my Gamora. I love Drax. I love Groot. He's baby now. He's baby Groot. Space Battles, a great soundtrack, a director who made countless jokes about pedophilia when he was younger. Awesome action scenes. What more can you ask for? Number one, Captain America, Winter Soldier. No one was expecting a sleek, sophisticated, spy thriller from a Captain America movie that they should have been. Christian Evansson takes off the shield one more time and then a subsequent amount of times after to give us a bang for our buck. Or like a bang for our bucky. Someone off-screen gave me that joke. I'm using it. My Black Widow's here too, which I love, which is great, which I love. I wanna date her. I'd like to wait night for a second if I could. The fact that Black Widow hasn't had her own film yet, her own standalone is borderline manslaughter or women's slaughter, if you must. Is that an extreme statement? I don't think so. Maybe a little ironic, consider only one of these ended in an actual widow because of the manslaughter. Number one, Thor Ragnarok. Wait, Khaleesi, how did the Thor movie get so high on this list when you were pretty down in the dumps on the previous ones? I would lie if I told you I didn't miss my Jane Foster. Her lack of personality and charisma and character development is something I can relate to. Ragnarok also gives us a lot of fun moments. The movie ooze is fun. Try liking fun sometimes, just try liking it. Like some fun once in a while, you piece of shit. Also, is it just me or does Chris Hemsworth somehow get hotter when he only has one eye? I mean, come on, what is with this dude? Could you imagine Khaleesi Grimes with the eyepatch on, like a pirate or something? Arr, I'm Khaleesi Grimes. I have a parrot on my shoulder, which I guess I'd be the parrot because I'm constantly parroting other people's thoughts and ideas on YouTube. Number one, Infinity War, yeah. Controversial pick, I know. I cry no less than 20 times during this epic cinematic journey of cinema, cinematic. We have almost the whole gang here. We have our T'Challa. We have our Christie Evans. We have our Spiderman. We have a Hulk. Kinda, Tilly hides like a little baby Hulk in the corner. He's like, meh, meh, meh, meh, Hulk, no smash. They should have baby Hulk, that'd be so fun. All I know is he better come out of his shell in Endgame. If he pouts in the corner again, I'm gonna be super pissed. Speaking of Endgame, I don't know if I'm more excited for that or Taylor Swift's new album to drop. Number one, I'm always ready for a war again. Black Panther. Strong Black League. This isn't just a big Hollywood movie. It's a movement. It's a message to all Hollywood corporate elitist douchebags that a movie featuring black people doesn't have to be about slavery. Congratulations, assholes. Just played yourself. We already knew that. Thanks for catching up. People don't actually care what color your skin is as long as you have a well-written character and a great story. Plus, it gives people a perfect opportunity to grandstand and shame those that didn't like the film. It gives a racist. Number one, everybody knew it was coming, Captain Marvel. It was tough to decide between Captain Marvel or Black Panther. It was either be racist or sexist at the end of the day. Then I realized the harsh truth. I'm a white male, so I'm already close. Captain Marvel has a lot to say. There are intricate layers to this film that we have yet to unravel, yet to dissect. It will take many years and film studies to get to the bottom of it. Mainly because of the performance by Brie Larson. She puts everything into this role. Solid face, stone face, facial, less expression, face with no expression, removal of expression, a face that has eluded expression, it subverts expression. It's really the last Jedi of expressions. And she's more than just a strong female lead. She's a message of hope. She's a beacon of power. She's a her. Oh. Can she die? I don't know. What are her powers? I'm clear. What struggles does she overcome? Forget about this. Does she do her own stunts? Fuck Tom Cruise. What else is there really to say about this? Other than, I love this movie! Number one, Avengers Endgame, the bold save. I may or may not have already seen Endgame. I may or may not have been given an early presser by Sir Rob Down Jay and been given a private screening from my own personal Jeep Cherokee looking out the window to his private bugalow upstate New York in the Hamptons, which is upstate New York. And I may or may not have loved every single thing about this movie! For all those hypothetical reasons, Endgame is my number one. And I will say a whole lot more on it when the rest of you sheeple. I mean, people get to see it. Thank you for watching. I hope you love my list and I can't wait to hear what you thought about the film. Don't give a single fuck what they think about this movie. We're just here to get paid. And once more, I wanna thank you from the bottom of my tiny dick for watching this video. It's a top list. No one's ever done them on the MCU movies. And it's gonna hold up really well, especially when Marvel releases like 13 movies a year. So, completely useless. Cringe Crew, sound out in the comments! And I'll MCU you next time. Guess what that title, play on words, I'm a geeky bitch. Mainly because of the performance by Brie Larson. She puts everything into this role. Solid face, stone face, facial, less expression, face with no expression, removal of expression, a face that once had expression, but no longer does. A face that has eluded all. A face that has eluded expression. It's subverts expression. It's really the last Jedi of expressions. Fun fact, this video was shot, I think this was shot at my brother's work. There was a time when I was like working on my basement, putting up an actual studio room with two by fours and shit. So everything was a disaster. And I'm pretty sure I just went into the hallway of my brother's insurance place and I just set up the green screen and stuff at night when it was after hours. It was the same place we filmed the movie boss videos. And yes, Bubba, I was plugging my computer in, okay? I wasn't trying to hide it. It happened, it was out there. All right, that's the cringe classic episode. You know, I'm a little pissed. I was working on my script and something didn't save from the other night. So I lost a good chunk of dialogue I just worked on. I was kind of picking up where I just left off. So I really didn't accomplish anything yet. I picked up the pieces of what was left. All right, next video on here, which we go to. Let's do a actual review. This was a show called Car Side Reviews. I often found little ways to get creative with these things. Sometimes it was pretty basic, just me in the driver's seat and one or two camera angles that I would edit between and other times, you get something a little bit more out there like this one for the Revenant. Enjoy. A car broke down, stranded me in the middle of nowhere, some God-forsaken forest. On a plus side, I just got done seeing the Revenant, Leonardo DiCaprio, a new flick. On a negative, I'm in the woods, no food, haven't eaten in what feels like minutes, if not tens of minutes. So I'm pretty hungry. My phone's dead, which of course would have been nice because then I could contact somebody via social networking sites like Twitter and let them know how much it sucks that I'm stranded and just at least update the fan base that things aren't great. I wish I had an Instagram account because it's a pretty looking place, but the good news is my cameras are all functioning and I did see a really good movie, so let's talk about it before I freeze to death. The Revenant or the Revenant, I can't remember what it's called. It's a terrible title. I don't think there's been a movie titled this bad since Ballistic X versus Sever or Shark Boy and Lavagirl, but regardless, the quality of the movie's there and that's all that really counts. I'm gonna die out here. It may be a blistery negative nine here in Minnesota, but I stay pretty warm just thinking about how great the performance was by Leonardo DiCaprio. This is a guy who's yet to win an Oscar as pretty much everybody knows by now and this is the role that he definitely is going for one. I mean, he's a vegetarian, but he ate raw meat. He's a, you know, they're out filming for fucking nine months or something off and on. They had issues on the film, so they had to move it to Canada, all sorts of crap. Bottom line is the last film that the director did, I can't remember his name, I'm not gonna bother looking it up. I can't look it up, my phone's dead. That's the shtick we're going with today and my phone's dead. But the last movie you did was Birdman, which won a bunch of awards, critically acclaimed. I thought it was all right. It was a little too artsy for me. It had one of those bullshit endings to keep you talking. It's just art for the sake of art. This one though, holy hell, this was beautiful, all around. Like I said, DiCaprio nails it. As this guy named Glass, he's got a son who does a terrific job. There's that kid with the spaced eyes from Maze Runner. He's in it, he does fine. Tom Hardy, once again, transforming himself. He's different in every film, Bane, Mad Max, and here we are now. He plays an asshole, that's really all I'll say. This is a spoiler-free review. Not that it matters, I'm sure most people see it before my reviews even go out. Running at two and a half hours long, you'd think that it might get a little slow, it's a little long in the tooth, but this one holds up pretty well. This is one of the most intense movies I've ever seen. The Martian also came out this year. There's some parallels you can make by it's kind of the journey of one man trying to survive in the elements, but how they handle it, of course, is much different. The Martian is a much more family-friendly affair. It's all about science, it's all about working together. Whereas the Revenant is really one man's journey. To see how far he can push himself to stay alive for reasons I won't say. It did remind me of a film called The Patriot with Mel Gibson, only in the terms that it's a long movie and you see a lot of bad shit happen to the lead character, so much so that you're kind of, like, it'd be nice if something good happened. Could you see like a rainbow or something at least? Just something to get his spirits up? That you don't really get much of that. It is a very heart-wrenching, gut-wrenching flick. He's in the wilderness, he's in the fray so anything can happen and really everything does happen to this guy, I feel real bad for him. Poor glass, you know, he never had a chance, really. But there's just so much shit just happens and you can tell the director and the writer were thinking, I really wanna film this scene. Let's just have it happen to him. And they did that like seven or eight times. So there's bear attacks, there's Indians tracking him, there's, you know, there's cliff falls, there's avalanches, there's just everything you can think of thrown at this guy and how he gets out of it is just incredible. It's, it's, there's also a Star Wars Empire Strikes Back reference in there. It's pretty awesome scene. It's a pretty awesome scene. Oh, I gotta find some sustenance or something. I mean, I've been out here for at least 20 minutes now. I don't know how people did it back in the day. I just don't understand it. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I mean, I gotta get the review out somehow, find a way to upload it to YouTube. That's really all that matters right now. You know, it's good. What else do you want from me? What do you, what do you want me to say here? I mean, what do you want me to do? It's a, it's a good movie. See it if you haven't. Jesus. I mean, I'm, I'm fucking out here risking my life to get this review out the door. You know, some of these other asshole YouTubers, they get advanced screeners to see this shit weeks early. Meanwhile, I'm, you know, just regular fucking shmo going to the theaters, paying a ticket, paying a hot seat, hot seat. That's ironic. I'm in the coldest seat in the house right now. All right. I don't have much else to say. It's a cinematic masterpiece. It's a tour de force. You know, the thing looks gorgeous. It's all practical effects. They shot using real daylight for the, however many days, 80 days, I think they shot for off and on for those nine months spread. The Caprio's kicking his own ass up and down to make this thing believable. I felt like I was in the picture the whole time there wasn't a scene where I thought that's CGI, that's CGI. No, I'm, I'm all in. Everybody's in. You know, it's, it's gut wrenching. It's, it's violent. It's gory, but there's, there's some drama there. There's some emotion and it's, it's a beautiful movie. It's a beautiful film. One of the best of the year. I'm going to give this a 10 out of 10. Not begrudgingly. There's nothing wrong with the film. If you know, if you don't want to see a guy that has ass kicked for two and a half hours, maybe watch Transformers. I don't know. This isn't a movie for everybody, but it's a movie for the right people. You can take that to the bank and then ask someone to come pick me up out here in the woods because I'll be dead within the hour. Try this one more time. Okay, let's go home. I didn't think I was going to, I didn't think I was going to live to see another day, honestly. Yeah, so I said it's a 10 out of 10 film. One of the best of the year. I don't know if it's better than the Martian. It's so different than the Martian. It just depends on what kind of, what kind of movie you want to see, you know? But yeah, it really wowed me. And I mean, if I wasn't going to die out there, at least I had one more film to enjoy first. So yeah, that's something, you know? But, you know, I made it. I survived and now I'm home. So I'm going to, I'm going to let you go with that. I'm not sure. I saw the end of that. I forgot all about the little joke at the end. I'm not sure it landed. I should have done a different shot of that where it was really obvious that when I got into my car, I drove like 30 feet away from where I was at. There was no threat. I was right by my house. I don't think I framed that up very well or landed that little joke, but still a fun, creative, different movie review. I've done those from time to time. Very genus ranking for Revenant too. Wow, a 10 out of 10. I'm not sure I would say the same thing today, but, you know, time is ability to ruin everything. All right, let's do, what is, what do I want to go to? Let's do a classic Adam Rance. On occasion of traffic's really bad on my way home for work, I'll pull over at a Barnes & Noble or a coffee shop or someplace that has a good Wi-Fi connection and I can get some work done. On this particular instance, I pulled into a Caribou coffee. Now I think that's a Western franchise, so if you're not familiar, it's like Starbucks, but for people that like animals. I'm not really a coffee guy, so going into a Caribou coffee kind of limits my options a bit. They do have other things, but it's of course like 50% upcharged. I bought a Coke. It was $2.75. Thanks. I'm gonna just pull off both my balls, put them in a blender, put it on frappé, pour it into a glass, stir it around and just let me drink it in front of you. Or maybe you drink it in front of me. I don't know which is worse, honestly. I mean, if I'm drinking my own balls, no, that's worse. That's a lot worse. We haven't even hit the bumper yet of this rant and it's not even gonna be that long, so let me summarize by saying this. The lady who took my order and got me my banana bread, she fucking lied to me. I wanted to go into this fresh, but this happened last week and guess what? It's still sitting in here. It's still pissing me off. So I go to the counter. I got my laptop bag. I'm gonna go set up shop, but I figure I'm gonna be here for four hours. I'm gonna get more than a Coke. I'm gonna do this company a favor since I'm sucking its internet dry. I don't know why I did this. Like I'm taking the big black dick. And yes, yes, it is a black one. That's not racist. That's honest. So I go for a food and something catches my eye and my fancy. I glance over. No, I'm already lying. I don't want to do that. The counter was over here. I glance over and I see a shining banana bread. Just yelling my name. Pat them, pat them. That's not really yelling. More like baby talking my name. Eat me. And I love eating babies. I don't know. I love banana bread. I love everything it represents. The banana, the bread, the banana and the bread coming together in perfect harmony to give me a taste in my tummy unlike any other. So I see that. I look at the lady who's gonna take my order today and I can't remember her name for the life of me. I'm assuming it's like Jacuisia. I don't know. It's some white woman. So I look at Jacuisia and I say, I want that slice of banana bread. It looks good. It was pretty thick. You know, it was like this, it was a good size. It was a good hearty chunk. It's like, that's a good call. Dead south, the banana bread plate sets it down. I give her my $35 and change. Thank you. You can fuck yourself. I'm about to leave. And I realize there's no, there's no butter. So I turn back to Jacuisia and I say, I need to almost forgot the butter. She says, no, we don't have butter. I'm sorry, what? You don't have butter and you're gonna tell me this shit now after I already paid for my banana bread. What kind of fucking long con is this? That's not what pissed me off. The next part is she looks me dead in the eyes and says, you don't need butter. That thing is so moist. You are gonna wish you never even knew what butter was, buddy. I look down at the bread then up at her, then down at the bread then up at her, then down once more at the bread. And I'm thinking, it doesn't look moist at all. It looks like the opposite of moist, which would be dry. But I take it anyways and I say, thank you. I get to my table, I'm furious. So I clear the table off and I slam down my banana bread and coke. There was nothing on the table prior. So I just swept the air away. I sit down, I have my fork and I get my coke. I take off the cap, flick it across the room and I can open. I broke the seal with one hand because I'm a demigod. The cap hit some person in the eye. He fell down. I'm pretty sure he died. I take a swig. Some of this stuff is dramatic and did not happen. I will say that right now. You can piece together what you think is a lie. I cut into the bread. Now the first thing that hits me, that dawns upon me is that as I'm cutting this bread, I'm not getting a, it was like eating sand mixed with gravel, mixed with dust and then frappéed in with the balls that were still left over from earlier and then given to me to drink. This was like a $4 slice of banana bread. I'm not even shitting you. I shit you not as they say. Here's how this concluded in my head. I eat pretty much all of the banana bread because I'm not going to let that amount of money just fall to the wayside. I'm not Steve Jobs. Oh, he's dead. I'm not Heath Ledger. Oh God, he's dead too. I'm not someone who's alive still. Like, fuck, fuck, fuck. Chris Farley, no. John Candy, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. This isn't working out at all. I slam the fork. I get up, I throw my chair which pauses in midair and bullet times around. It then speeds back up and spins like 600 times and hits another guy. This same guy actually in the face that got hit earlier in the eye, he's dead again. I march over to the counter. There's a guy in front of me in line. He's like, yo, have the strawberry, Julius. I grabbed him, throw him. He slides across the ground, snaps his neck and dies into the wall. I then turn to Jacqueisha and I say, you lied to me, bitch. She comes at me with a punch. I dodge, counter it. I throw an elbow. It knocks her jaw clear off her face. She's still alive though because liars never die easy. She throws another punch. I dodge, bite down on it. Ah, and I pull the finger off and spit it onto the floor and then I kick it and it goes across the room and a kid slips on it and falls and dies too. I put so many people in the morgue today. It's not even funny, but it kind of is. She then tries to throw the headbutt at me and I grab it and I slam her neck and then pull it off. I then play a game of B ball and throw it up in the air and it drops in a garbage can next to the shit that I didn't eat off the banana bread. So now she's in the trash with the unmoisted banana bread. But guess what? The blood from her and all the ooze and pus that comes from her decayed body falls into the banana bread and it morphs. Now the banana bread's moist. So I reach down into the basket and I pull out her severed head and I say, oh, looks like you weren't lying after all. And I slam her back down and I leave the shop. But what really happened was I was disappointed and I left. It's not quite as exciting of a story. Oh, is it done? It just kind of ends. All right. Okay. Banana bread. Yeah, that was a disaster. What a terrible day at the coffee shop. Let's do, we got one, two, three, four, five left. We're halfway gone. Let's go with, let's go with this one because this was like a variety show that I did exactly one episode of because it was too long to script everything and do all the other stuff. But it has like three different characters that I played in the past. So it's kind of cool. Let's do that. A terribly horrible looking shark. Quick, throw the kid at it. Use it as bait. It'll slow it down so you can make your escape. Hey, you know what Screaming is going to solve in this situation? Absolutely nothing. And there it is. Now you're dead because you didn't listen to me. Who else is mad hungry right now? Right? I'm Adam Olinger and today I'm going deep inside Jaws. You heard me. Let's start with the ranking of the four films. Jaws the revenge. This time it's personal. Whatever the hell that means. Do sharks have feelings? I saw one once and I called it fat. It didn't seem to be bothered by my comments so no, I don't think they do. Which makes the premise of this film entirely stupid. Martin Brody killed the son of a bitch in the first movie so this whole revenge angle seems a bit fishy. Maybe it was one of the shark pups or something. Regardless, the movie's terrible. Complete with awful visuals, crap shark effects and a laughable ending. Also the shark roars like a lion now because why wouldn't it? And this kids is why you don't do a big budget film in nine months. Grab your red and blue glasses gang cause we're headed to SeaWorld in 3D. For like two scenes. Look at this shit. It's amazing. How does this look so bad compared to the original? Dennis Quaid, Leah Thompson and a camera shot from the perspective of a Jaws victim make it watchable but hardly a good movie. This is basically an hour and a half SeaWorld promo done in the worst way possible. The place looks like complete hell for both the animals and the guests. They put a baby great white shark in a small public pen. It died the same way Padme did in Revenge of the Sith from a broken heart. Perhaps sharks do have feelings after all. Certainly more than the humans do. Roy Scheider returns due to contract obligations to make one of the most pointless sequels of all time. It's a big step down with a large focus on teenage angst and like most sequels it basically retreads the first story again. Brody has PTSD short for post-traumatic shark disorder. Thank you. So the town once more doesn't believe him when he yells shark. Also doesn't help that he unloaded a full clip into a school of fish. Not gonna win you any brownie points with the locals. He once again saves the day by electrocuting the teethy foe. The killing blow line however doesn't quite match up to the originals epicness. Instantly quotable. I know I go around uttering the phrases from Jaws 2. Open wide. Say ya. This list is the easiest one I've ever had to put together on this show. And seen as this is the first episode, that statement means nothing. Jaws is a lightning in a bottle Spielberg classic. One that the director said should never have worked. Sea sickness, troubled shooting schedules, a malfunctioning shark, weather conflicts and more made this production a complete disaster. Yet this perfect storm ended up producing the perfect film. One full of great character interactions, an incredible score, genuine scares and a timeless villain that still rules the deep blue sea. And deep blue sea is also awesome. Let's do a bad movie pitch. Oh, Sheila, are we on the conference? Burp. Thanks, doll. Gentlemen, and in the rare instance, possibly lady, let's talk shark films. Really want to sink my teeth into another Jaws flick. Here's what I'm thinking. In the original concept for Jaws 4, Voodoo Witch Doctor gets pissed at the Brody family so she resurrects that king of the sea, has him go after him. This idea was kind of scrapped, put up on the table, you could find it in the novel, which nobody read. But I want to bring it back for another Jaws film. I think it's a great idea. I think it's gold. So far, we're tentatively calling this Jaws 5, Jaws Returns, but I have some few ideas and workshopping around some different classrooms locally. Jaws 5, Tokyo Drift. Jaws, Resurrection. Jaws, Insurrection. Jaws, Full Blown Erection. I'm cool with all these titles, honestly. I think they all really have legs, which is ironic because shark. And we're gonna be diversifying the shit out of this cast. I'm talking trans-gen. I'm talking post-gen. I'm talking pre-gen. I'm talking regen. Every single kind you can possibly imagine. All the flavors of the rainbow, all the colors of the Skittles are gonna be in this thing. This thing's gonna cap with Jaws blowing up. This time at the hands of Zendaya, the beautiful musician turned actress. She's gonna strap a bomb to a selfie stick, shove it down the shark's throat, and utter a new catchphrase we're gonna be using everywhere. Take a selfie, you son of a bitch. Sheila, we all on right now. I'm not getting a lot of bites on that end. We have a picture though, right? Yeah, yeah, we have a picture. Maybe make it a trilogy. It's trilogy to the shit out of this. I never played this. Is this something in NES, like the Nintendo? Nostalgia, cool beans. Wow, look at those graphics. This is like super old. That's fun. Oh, shit, they hit Jaws. And now I'm dropping bombs on jellyfish? I love this. There's a baby Jaws from Jaws 3D. Super awesome. This game is everything. Baby Jaws and mommy Jaws are tandem swimming together. That's super cute. I love that. I think it's great. I love that. I think it's great. I'm gonna need a bigger boat. Awesome sauce. Now I'm gunning right for Jaws. Oh, that's dark. That's grim stuff. I love this game. Nostalgia's great. Jaws is the 1975 classic that still lives in many people's hearts. Much like Jurassic Park, its sequels may share the name, but not the quality that came before. I'd love for this to be a more collaborative show down the road, so please follow me on Twitter and keep an eye on that community tab on YouTube to find out information about how you can be featured on another episode. The next one's gonna be focused on Don Bluth Films thanks to a Patreon supporter's suggestion. That's the show. Thanks for joining me as we go Deep Inside Movies together. Okay, that was Deep Inside Movies. I did maybe like seven or 10 episodes of it, but that was the only one that had a series of different sketches. But that was just too much work to do, so I stopped doing it. And when it doesn't get views, it's just a disaster. Okay. We got, let's go with, let's go with, let's go to the Oscars. From 2018, I think, or 2019. I can't remember which one. Our host? Khaleesi Grimes 82. Very naughty. We're doing it again. Oh, cool beans. All right. Wow, look at this. Thank you. What an amazing group of out of touch people we have here. Kevin Hart was gonna host, but unfortunately this conflicted with his I Hate Gays Festival. Yeah, it really sucks. It really does because Kevin was one of the last pure of heart individuals out there with no baggage to his name. And then the tweets came out. I, on the other hand, am pure. I am untouched. I am unsoiled because every morning I wake up is the first day of my life again. When my head hits the pillow at night, my past is erased faster than my rule 34 browser porn. Now I see why people go to confession. We should have a confess button on Twitter. Wouldn't that solve a lot of the world's problems? Wouldn't it really? I mean, we're gonna continue to judge people like we're better than them, but wouldn't that solve the problems and not just being a better individual to our neighbors? I think it would. I think it would. Yeah, let's clap for that. Let's clap for ourselves and our ideas. We have a terrific show tonight, but can I just point out something? As I graze along this theater, I'm seeing a lot of white faces, sure. Mostly white people, sure. But on occasion, a black pops out, and I think that's awesome. I think that's cool. I think that's great. I think that's cool. I love diversity! We've really overcome a lot of obstacles in the past haven't we? Truly, we are better people for it. Announcing our first award tonight is Brian Singer. Wait, no? Okay, I'm being told in my ear that he will not be hosting. I will be doing all of the awards because you are mostly garbage individuals. Our first award tonight is for best film editing. And the gnomes are. Gnomes is short for nominees. The lifetime original about the band Queen that somehow got a theatrical release. I hate Republicans, the movie. We're on a roll, baby. Whoa. Something British. A movie I had no idea existed until this awards show. And the winner is, we all know, Bohemian Rhapsody. Yup, that's right. The movie that has more cuts than a teenage girl doing a makeup tutorial on YouTube. More cuts equal a better film. That's just math. That's just cinema. Next up, the nominees for best animated feature. They are. Thick. Castaway, but with dogs. I swear this movie came out like six years ago, but okay. Japan, the movie. Wrecker franchise. The only thing Sony didn't fuck up this entire year. And the winner is, I'm being told in my ear again, I can't actually say the winner out loud due to contract obligations with Disney. I don't want to lose my presser. So I'm just going to say what it rhymes with. Snyder Man into the Snyderverse, which also reminds me, release the Snyder Cut of Justice League already. We all want it. It's gonna be perfect. Tonight we are celebrating the best of the best from the amazing directors to the talented artists. And we come from a tapestry that's been woven from different walks of life. Whether you are a male or straight, white or rich, have a relative that's a famous person, or just love sexually harassing a young woman. The world watches on as we continue to set the example. Have we made a few missteps along the way? Sure. Are we willing to change? Like always, by hiding our horrific allegations behind a pro women, pro equality agenda that we all know is kind of a bunch of bullshit. Absolutely we are. And that's why tonight we have put together a little reel showcasing just a few of the beautiful women that are working in Hollywood today. You may know them as strong female leads. It's about time. Know what else I love? Music. I love the way that it can transport us to a different place in time entirely. Like last week, I completely forgot I was choking out a homeless man in the Arby's parking lot for looking at me cross. Hell, the only way I can achieve climax these days is by listening to Bad Liar by Selena Gomez. Yes, music truly is a wondrous thing. Let's talk about the nominees for the best original score this year. They are. Shallow from a movie that's been made like four times now. All the stars from Black Panther. All right, I'm gonna let myself finish, but I need to point out that Kendrick Lamar's other song, Pray For Me, is superior to that one. I'm not even gonna announce the other gnomes. Shallow's one, it's obvious. Now let's sit back and enjoy Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga singing the song while I f***ing each other and making us all feel incredibly uncomfortable. Disney has crafted some of the most unforgettable moments put to the silver screen. Timeless works of art that both young and old alike can appreciate. Movies like The Lion King, Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast, and many more will never be replaced in our hearts. But they will on the big screen as Disney is going to be remaking all of them. And today I'm proud because the prompter tells me I am to announce a sneak peek trailer of the new live action, Aladdin. You really don't know who I am. Genie, wishes, land, none of that ringing a bell. God f***ing with the Oscar and the f***ing, what was that? I mean, that was great, wasn't it? I love that. If Robin Williams were alive today, he definitely wouldn't take his life a second time after seeing that trailer. The moment has finally arrived. The best picture category that is given to one perfect film each year. A movie that will be dissected, studied and talked about for years to come, appreciated by all walks of life. So let's find out who our next Casablanca or our next godfather is. The nominees are, and these are all really good movies. Strong Black Leads. The Last Jedi, a movie so nice, we nominated it twice, as in two award show years in a row. My boy Luke, dying alone on a f***ing rock like a little f*** after being old and weathered and depressed for 30 years is exactly how I wanted to watch my hero go out. I love what you did to my Luke. Netflix and Sleep, proving that even the most boring movie ever made has a shot at the title. Vice, Vice, Baby. This reminds me, we haven't even bashed on Trump yet this evening. I'll get there. Ashley Simpson's Saturday Night Live performance, the movie. And the winner is, hell yes, Wakanda Forever! Black Panther, the 19th best superhero movie ever created. Who need a hero? Hero, you need a hero, look in the mirror, there go your hero, who on the front lines, ground zero, hero. Come on, that song's the shit. It was way better. That's the show. Thank you everyone for coming out this evening and Harvey Weinstein, if you're listening, you should have killed me when you had the chance. Now it's my turn. All right, thank you, thank you. Fuck you, Trump. See? I got there. I got there. Nerd alert! I'm super pumped! Oh, good ol' Khaleesi. Roasting everyone, left, right and center. Those were good times. All right, that was the cringe Oscar, is just shot out of the cannon, destroying everyone. We have one, two, three left. This is my favorite movie review, to date. More of a rant than a review. It's just, I love this video, so let's watch it. $42. That's what the emoji movie cost me. That's what I'm out to purchase the tickets for my two children and myself, the snacks, the concessions. And it's not even being out the money that bothers me so much, as it is the pain and anguish my family had to endure. An eight-year-old child, a five-year-old, should never have to bear witness to something of this level, of terrible. And they've seen Norm of the North, so they already know life's not all sticker packs and charms blowpops. There's some real ugly in this world. Typically when I do one of these rants or a feud of a movie that's PG or G, something more family-friendly, I try not to swear, say inappropriate things. That's hard for me to do. I'm gonna tell you right now that's not gonna happen here. So if you're a child, walk away from this video, kiddo. Or if you're a parent, shame on you for letting your child watch this. Turn it off. Have a little bit of a, I mean, you know what? I can't even say shame on you because I took my kids to the emoji movie, so shame on me. I shit you not this really happened. Not even 10 minutes into the film, I turn over to my daughter, Olivia, who's eight. She looks up at me with like the saddest doe eyes I've ever seen. And she said, Dad, I've made a huge mistake. She's never even seen arrested development and that immediately triggered my mind. I'm like, this kid's amazing. But yes, she made a huge mistake because she's the big emoji fan. She's got the stupid pillows. She's got like the poop emoji. She's got stickers, all that crap. She loves Shopkins, Hatchimals, all the other things kids are into. I don't judge. I was in all that crap too when I was a kid. I had my own versions of them. Togs, Teddy Ruckspin, Garbage Pale Kids, the Three Ninjas franchise, Trolls, which for some reason came back, Micro Machines, which are fucking awesome. So I did my fatherly duty. You better believe that joke's in the film. The poop says it. Played by Sir Patrick Stewart, who I think was held at gunpoint to do this role. He has no more than five sentences. He probably did it for one of his grandkids who likes the stupid emoji stuff. So, you know, whatever. He made a lot of money, I'm sure, for a very easy day's work. I'm not gonna knock him for that. I've never in my life watched a full movie from beginning to end in a zombified state with drool coming down my mouth, looking up at the screen. I'm not alive. I'm not dead. I'm just in some middle ground. Just not even digesting what I'm seeing. It's because it's so fucking terrible. It's the same plot I've seen 8,000 times told better. The animation still did. It doesn't look very good. It's not bad. I mean, clearly there's some talented animators here, but there's nothing creative at all. We have the same exact fucking plot as Wreck-It Ralph with a game world inside of the real world. There's even a glitched character. There's another character who's in disguise, who left her game, who it's revealed later, is gonna have a friendship. It's just, it's the same fucking movie as Wreck-It Ralph. It's the same fucking movie. And then there's concepts taken from Pixar's other movies. It's just, it's so pathetic. It's such a waste of time and energy. And everything you watch is just mindless. It's numbing. It's what I imagine my wife thinks when we have sex. Typically I would run down some of the actors in the film, the characters they played, talked about their performances, but I don't care. I don't care enough to do that. T.J. Miller's in it as Gene, he's the main guy. Whatever. He's mad. His performance is mad. These are the kind of jokes that are in this film, by the way. Like whatever you think is the most superficial, top-level comments you can make, that's the joke. Oh, do you guys remember Spam Emails? Yeah? Okay, well there's a character named Spam and she's just annoying. Ha? Kids don't know what the fuck Spam Email is. Who's this movie for? That's the question that constantly runs through my head, is what? What the fuck is this? And the characters don't matter at all, because this movie's not about characters. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. This movie is about product placement. This movie is about franchises, it's about branching out, it's about selling other things besides emoji shit. Oh, do you like Spotify, kids? Do you listen to Spotify or even have a fucking clue what it is if you're under seven years old? No, it doesn't matter, your parents do, and they probably use it, so let's put Spotify in there. Why? I don't know. I have no idea why they went in there. They said they had to ride the sound waves to get to the trash or something, it doesn't make any fucking sense. They go in there and they ride these stupid sound waves for a little bit and they're out. It's done in like three minutes. The main character in this movie is Dropbox. The name is mentioned at least a dozen times. It's the final place they have to get to. And of course, Dropbox is perfect with the gigantic firewall that's super secure. They get by it and they're basically in this cloud city, heaven-ish sort of a place. Everything's great. Everything is awesome. Another movie that's far better than this, the Lego movie, World Within a World type of thing. It's just all been done to death. I hate this movie so goddamn much. Hold your balls, Adam. It can't all be bad, can it? There's gotta be some good in this. Well, you know what, John? There is one really fucking great thing. They brought their own dance to the world. The emoji pop, I think is what it's called. Let me show you how it goes. Wink! Cover your eyes. Eh! Stupid faces. It's a dance, I guess. They are really driving it home. They play it two or three times. They want you to have it at your Sadie Hawkins dance at your bar mitzvah, at your wedding, everywhere. Emoji pop. I have my own dance. It's better than this one. It's called Adam Jerks Off. You're free to use it. A lot of variations of masturbation techniques. Once again, mom, if you're ready to watch this, this is on you. Later rebranded. Take her. The snake bite. The pepper grinder. The lasso. The neck snap. The French onion soup. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that means. Fire starter. Patty cake. Rolling the dough. And we put it all together. You got the Adam Dick dance. Let's do it. I don't know what the message of the film was either. It seemed very post-apocalyptic with the students of a high school glued to their phones 24 seven. They can only communicate via emoticons. It's some sad shit. And I refuse to believe that's how it really is in high school. And if it is, then game over. Let's just pack it all up. And for those of you that haven't had their fill yet of women empowerment roles that nobody asked for, pushing an agenda that nobody wants to hear, emoji has you covered there as well. With a princess who doesn't want to be a princess and is sick of the men holding her down, talking about back in the day how the women could only be one of two roles that was very misogynistic. It was very whatever other women's lib terms you want to use. It has no reason to exist in this film. It's insulting. It's stupid. It's out of place. And it reminds me of once again my love making with my wife and how she probably feels about it. When Gene and his buddy Handjob, I think his name is high five, but I'm gonna call him Handjob, go to Candy Crush. My daughter turned to me and said, hey, this is from Wreck-It Ralph. I said, no, that's Sugar Rush. I thought, no, it's not, but I could see how you could think that since everything else has been directly ripped off from that film. The film is so boring and so unnecessary. I found myself contemplating deeper things underneath the surface here that the writers clearly had not thought about. For instance, Gene's family, The Mess. There's three of them. And they're all meh emoticons. So I thought, can other emoticons fuck? Or can you only bang the same brand? Like, could a meh bang a crying one? And would they make like a happy one or a depressed one? I don't know. The movie certainly doesn't clear that up for me and that's the kind of stuff I was into because we saw that there was a father and a son shit. Is there a mom shit? How did the son shit come to be? Do these things have sex together? I would like to know. There's a point in this story where the characters go to Just Dance, which is an app I guess all high schoolers have on their phones, that's cool and hip. And there is a giant Christina Aguilera avatar. She's the only person that seems to be giving 100% in this movie and props to her because she does a fine job with the voice. She's sultry. I found myself attracted to that kind of simplistic looking avatar. At that point in the film though, I was just craving anything. I digress. She's kind of this glowing looking character stylized and the game eventually gets destroyed. Spoiler! The game is destroyed along with her and a hand job and the other two make it out alive. Jean and women's rights. So they go into the trash to get hand jobs safely out and in there they find the trolls from earlier and they make sure to show us Christina Aguilera's character who is now like human looking. She's not in her gamey style anymore. For some reason, going into the trash removes the graphics, I guess. But she actually looks better now. She looks more like a person. And I was like, oh, she's even hotter now, cool. Let's see what happens here. Oh, we're gonna go away from her. And then she doesn't get saved. Everybody else is deleted presumably with the phone except for hand job who gets out. So it's like, they just fucking killed her. That's awesome. Thanks. This movie's awesome. This movie's really good. I've already spent more time on this movie than the writers did, so I'm gonna stop. I was gonna feud this with Bee Movie and then later I was gonna feud it with Angry Birds. I couldn't decide which one I wanted to do or if I do all three of them, maybe throw Norma the North in there just to make it a full on shit show. Maybe that's what I do. You wanna see a four-way feud? Anyway, thanks for listening to this rambling mess of a review and don't see this film. I also watched Atomic Blonde, which was fun. It was a good time. I'm gonna feud that with John Wick hopefully next week. So stay tuned for something good. And don't forget about that, Adam Dick dance. Thanks for watching. All right, we got two videos left. Two videos left. I have here, I have one here that I like from multiple aspects. I like the filming, I like the silly premise. It's just a good time. Enjoy the skit. I remember it like it was yesterday. Because it was. My buddy Derek had a bachelor party and typically when you think bachelor party, you think strip club, Vegas, something a little crazy, maybe a hooker dies. Maybe there's some drugs and alcohol. I don't know, but I was excited. You know, I was excited. And then I found out we were going to the boundary waters, a place that has no phone reception or any civilization at all. No reception meant no Pokemon go. And no Pokemon go meant this was gonna be the worst four days of my life. It's been 48 hours since I've played Pokemon go. Things have been very difficult out here. I've tried several times to gain type, some type of internet access or wireless anything. Nothing's working. I'm not counting my steps right now. I'm not hatching eggs. Saw a live squirtle today. It was a snapping turtle. It was intriguing. I wanted to catch it. I wanted to keep it, but I can't because it's real. I've been playing Pokemon go since two weeks ago here in 2016. And let me tell you some of the things I've seen are beyond mesmerizing. They're miracles of nature. They're miracles of life. And now we're out in the boundary waters and I can't play it. And I'm just like, what am I doing here, you know? What am I doing here? Yeah, spent a little bit of time fishing to get my mind off of Pokemon hunting for a magic carp. Right over there. I like to pretend that that Mewtwo, a voracious one came through here and tore up that log. Reality it was me. We've seen some animals, I guess, but they're not a Bulbasaur. They're not a Charmander. They're not a Pikachu. We've tried things we could do to pass the time and kind of recreate Pokemon go, but there is no Pokemon go without the app. It's disgusting. You know, I think it's been good for the guys, just unplug for the weekend, get away from everything, hacksaw things, chop things up, but you know what? I know it's wearing on people. It's getting tough. People are stir crazy. They want their Pokemon. There's nothing to look at down here. It's just a bunch of trees that have fallen over from the sheer amount of wind we've had and the storms that have gone through here that have thrown, you know, all this stuff around. It's like, that's not exciting. Be lying if I said I didn't want to put a lure out here right now in one of these campsites. Think I really tore something up, throwing out skipping rocks out on the water there earlier. I just fantasized I was throwing out polka balls the whole time. Made it a little easier. I wish Flareon was here right. It's day two of this little fucking wilderness journey that we're on. Haven't been playing Pokemon Go. I have no service out here. Apparently when you sign up to play a game which I consider part of my life now, the woods is the last place you want to go to catch Pokemon because I can't even play it. I can't even join this. So I'm out here with my dick in my hand while other people catch meows and clifaries and jiggly puffs. And what have I caught? Hypothermia, hunger, and the inability to play a game that I love. I'm seeing a lot of birds out here. Keep thinking Pidgey, Pidgeotto, but it's not the case. Bald Eagle. There's no Lapras out there, boys. Pikachu. Come on Brock, come on Misty. Let's catch Pokemon. Kill me. Kill me. We're going home. There might be a Gyarados or two in these parts. We'll see. If we had a reception out here, our eggs could incubate and we'd be. I know, if that's all we need, if we had reception, we should. I just throw some incense out and I'm in heaven. You know life's good again. I made it. Struggled through four days, but here I am again catching Pikachu's, catching Oddish, those stupid Pidgeys in my way. You know, I'll have those four days as a reflection of how terrible life can get without Pokemon Go. And I don't ever want to go back there again. I won't go back there again. Whoa, looks like a Zapdos went through here. Wow, awesome. It has that like national geographic, stupid, you know, over-the-top dramatic feel to it. All right, I praised final one. I praised this series a million times over. I really could have picked almost any one of them from it or I could have played the whole thing in its entirety, but movie boss will always be something that I really enjoy going back and watching. They were a lot of fun with my bros. And here is just one episode. Sorry, Bubba, it is not the one with you, but this is probably my favorite. Warner Brothers sent here to murder me like they did the Justice League movie. I'm worried about you. Oh really, Mom? Thanks, I'm fine. Okay, I tried. Let me rephrase. I'm worried about this company. Couldn't care less about you. Well, didn't you hear? My last movie feud's netted a cool $10, so that should keep the lights on for at least another five minutes. You haven't filmed anything in a week, let alone left your office, unless it's to take a shit or eat something. Often, at the same time. Gross. Listen, Tristan. Not my name. I just need to unravel this twisted Zack Snyder conspiracy. And then we'll get back to business as usual. Sure, for usual. This isn't healthy. Even if you find the whereabouts of the Zack Snyder director's cut of Justice League, then what? Like beautiful doves at a wedding ceremony. I release it to the public for a hefty fee. You're gonna hold the release of a fictitious movie hostage until some fans pay you ransom? Exacto Mundo. That's really messed up, man. Did you catch my demolition and reference there? I did, but can you stay focused on what I'm saying? This isn't healthy. You weren't sleeping. You got Terrence scouring the internet for crumbs of this movie edit that may not even exist. How dare you? Lord Zack Snyder has confirmed many times over its existence. I have video proof in my office. I'll show you. I'll show you all. I will not step one foot in that hellscape. Terrence told me that it looks like a scene straight out of seven. There's photos and internet articles printing out and plastered all over the walls. That's a bit of a stretch. To compare my office space to that of a serial killer's apartment, there's a shit bucket in the corner of your office, which I'm assuming is now full since you've come out and used the toilet. Look, if I don't find this cut of the film someone else is going to, and that's not a chance I'm willing to fake. Not the expression. Well, I'm expressing it because you know what? For a small second, I thought I had the cojones to edit the whole thing myself. Drop the opacity by like 90%, pop up the contrast, sprinkle in a little film grain, but without snack, Snyder's. Additional footage? This whole thing is a joss. A joss? Whedon, the directing hack that took over for Master Snyder. You had the first two Avengers movies, Firefly, Dollhouse, come on. Oh, you like those movies. I wasn't aware you were still eight years old. Hey, Sheila, could you be a doll? Run out, get over to McDonald's, pick up Tristan a Happy Meal? Because apparently he still enjoys trash. Still not my name. Sheila's not even here. She had to take another sick day because the whole office smells like a Turkish prison. Is that bad? Pat, bad? Are you seriously asking me that right now? Sheila brought in her cat two days ago, took one step into your office and died. I'm assuming from the smell. Probably know it's still in there. We have a strict no pet policy here. This is a place of business. In case you didn't know, dipshit. This is a pet cemetery. There's two dead birds on your window ledge. Perhaps you're trying to air out the stench at some point? This conversation is interfering with my hunt. I'd have Terrence escort you out of the office, maybe even rough you up a little bit first if I didn't know he was still sleeping in my office next to the cat on the floor. ["The Cat on the Floor"] Often, at the same time. Look, if I don't find this cat. ["The Cat on the Floor"] It's like shitty in the eating. Uh, okay, Terrence slash Bubba. I got one more for you just as a bonus since I'm so close. I'm on the precipice of finishing this script. So I'll give you one, I'll give you one with you and it's actually your best one. Where is it? I just had it. Where is it? Now here it is. The intern is in the conference room. You know the drill? Let's give him the Stanley Rubik's test. Never works. It's like Stanley Kubrick. You get it. Seriously? It's done. Oh, you guys stopped doing that to me. Did you do it? Does he have the cue? Good. We're in the end game now. Sorry for what? You really think you should intern here? You're trash! You're nothing! There are thousands of people who would die to be in your position! What the f*** should we even entertain your presence? I don't know, Adam posted it as some intern opening on Twitter and I thought I'd check it out. It might be fun. Fun? You're a little s***. I don't even like you. I don't even know you. You make me sick! Okay guys, okay. I think he gets it. I think he gets it. Gets what? Is this some sort of joke? You're the joke! Easy big guy, easy tear bear. Listen, we're just doing a little bit of a shtick, poking some fun, but this is a business. And you know what? It's cutthroat is all hell. In fact, last week I had to cut the throat of a turtle that I ran over with my car. Back tire didn't finish him off, so I had to cut the b***h. What was this whole Rubik's Cube thing, just like a prank or something? Do you even know what YouTube is? Bruh! Because if you did, I think you would have known to pick up your stupid phone, fire up the app, search Rubik's Cube solved, watch the video in its entirety, and then solve the b***h. It's as easy as one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10. I seriously doubt that anybody could have done what you just said in that time frame. Hmm, I guess I'm no one then. Wait, you can solve it in another two minutes? Haven't tried, but I'm 100% confident I can. How do you even know? The same way I know you're going home to an empty bed yet again tonight, Terrence. Wow, seriously, Adam? His fiancé died six months ago in a car crash. You knew this. Yeah, he probably did it on purpose to get out of the marriage. I don't think I want to intern here anymore. It was a prank, gotcha. You were right, we were joking ya. We were all in on it, everybody was in on it. I'll have Sheila get the paperwork bring it over for you to fill out. This is fun. Who likes dilly bars? Oh, we got some winners. Come on, reach full of them. There you go in the freezer. We'll do this. See, as one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10. Yeah, those were fun. All right, that's all I got for you. My script is complete. I'm done. First draft, finally done. Gotta go through spelling check now and read it all through, make sure I got names all correct, make sure everything flows nicely and makes sense. But as of right now, this damn script is completed. So I can go to the next steps, which is making a pitch deck, getting some feedback from people. And yeah, what a night. What a way to kick off 2024. Go on vacation tomorrow. I do have some videos coming up. And then of course I'm gonna be taking lots of video while I'm there. What else was I gonna say? Oh, there's two videos up currently. There's a review for the beekeeper with Jason Statham and there's a review for Mean Girls 2024. It's January, okay? The movies aren't gonna be great. It's notoriously the dumping ground for bad films and that's kind of the takeaway from both of them. That's about it. I guess I don't have anything else. I will talk to you guys soon. Hope you guys have a great next week. Have a good Sunday tomorrow. It's almost Sunday right now. We went long, but that's just the way it works. Thanks for the support over the year and we will talk to you soon. Take care.