 We have a block guys fear of confrontation. Oh Yeah, I don't even like hearing about it I don't know if it's so much fear as it is just something that I don't like I guess you don't like tension I don't like tension. I don't like to get in people's faces. I don't like, you know You know, like on social media like I Obvious I you know, I don't use social media as much as I used to but even back in the day I never discussed politics or religion or anything remotely controversial and I mean, there's a pragmatic reason for that because you don't want to alienate half your audience Yeah, but more more than that. I just didn't like, you know, when they find out you're a public I just didn't like confrontation Is and I have friends. I have a lot of friends that just thrive on your gun is in the safe Yeah, when we're done here, I'm gonna give you back your gun. You go back. No problem Walk back into the streets You've gone out with his gun out Who does that? Okay. Yeah. No, I know you mean like it is I don't I'm more itching for a fight naturally So I don't mind Confrontation I don't mind Disagreement, yeah, there are people like I mean people like you obviously but yeah, I don't like that I don't like getting in flame wars. I don't like people not liking me You know, I just you know, I'd rather just kind of a lot like what, you know, if you if you take my parking spotted at a Trader Joe's I'll just maybe roll my eyes. That's about as much as I'll do if you're in a horrible mood Yeah, you know, I I deal with anger and I don't know if it's a hell probably not a healthy way But I I never yell at people Unless it's like as a joke and we're both in on the joke, right But I've never I don't think I've ever yelled at somebody in anger. What if I get like really angry? I'll get very quiet. I'll just like let it eat me up on the inside. Fantastic. It's great. What a policy I'm a Yeller and I Regret every single one of them. Mm-hmm. Like I thought I grew up on one of ten kids Irish Catholic Yelling was so much yelling. Yeah, so I thought that that's the way to do it Yeah, like so I thought that's the way you do it and It's not Turns out it is I There must be some happy medium between Do you communicate your issue with people? Well, yeah, and sometimes it's really effective like I Heard on another a podcast an interview with Dan butts who's an old friend of mine and he's also the Art director for a lot of my music videos and a number of years ago he did something on a set where he really messed something up badly to the point where we had to fix it and post at considerable expense and And I Don't remember harnesses wages. Yeah. No, no, no, but I remember I talked him on the phone After the and he remembers this a lot better than I do But he says that I called him up and and I said something to the effect of I'm not angry Dan. I'm just Very disappointed and it was traumatic for him He was like I've never heard I'll lose it like that. Yeah The most I've ever been like dressed down by Al and and were you Angry and did you let it eat you or did you just do you get through it quickly? I got through I mean, it was like it was a bummer and you know, I know I know that he didn't do it on purpose Yeah, and and you know, you know, you've danced a little close friend and it was it wasn't I mean We it cost us a lot of money, but but you know, I told him like you messed up and he acknowledged it and moving on Yeah, I I'll tell you what I would have done It would have I he would have done it intentionally and I'm telling you about my inner monologue. Uh-huh. He did this intentionally Everyone's trying to fuck me all the time life's trying to fuck me despite the Mounds of success and everyone's trying to fuck me all the time and And I would have thought the I have I owe it to him To yeah, or I owe it to myself to yell at him. This will be my revenge But again, it it doesn't work. Do you think I should like revisit this with him? I think years old. There's a lot of meat left on that. Oh, okay. Yeah, I would be bringing it up right now I'd be bringing I'd be waiting to bring it up like this is just like the fucking brother But I had a Interesting Al I had an interesting Thing happen was on MDMA Don't do it. You wouldn't only like the kids. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They now they've gone back to MDM Okay, they've gone like past Because everything's science and psychology now everything's healing and I had I was thinking about my multiple enemies my enemy's list and Gotta keep that list. Okay. Yeah, I have to Your as you call it the disappointment list And I had no problem forgiving them, right and then a couple days later. I was like I had When I was flooded with oxytocin serotonin adobe mean it was very easy for me to forgive people, right? And then I thought about what I'm like most of the time and what I realized is I don't have enough good chemicals so most of my the chemicals in my brain are cortisol and Adrenaline so that's why I'm yelling. That's why I'm petty. That's why and I'm like, you need the right drugs That's the whole thing. I know I know so but I've been I've been on SSRI's I've been on everything but I'm saying I realized what I consider my personality is not even my personality. It's just the Chemicals on hand. So who are you really? There's no way of knowing. I was hoping you could help If you're just joining us feel that onion 1-800 No, but so I'm realizing that what I consider my personality or the parts of myself I don't I really don't especially like I Did I don't even need to engage with them? So the last week? I've just been not engaging with I Feel like I have a kitchen in my brain and it's giving it's serving mercury Sandwiches, and I'm like, I'm just not gonna eat it. Wow. Yeah, that's frightening me now. Great But I it's are you are you dangerous should I not I'd sound sociopathic or something But it's I'm just not indulging the part of myself that I've acid in my brain that wants to eat people Yeah, now it's now I've made a sci-fi. Yeah, now I'm at a sci-fi I That it just wants to destroy people and criticize and enemies and you do this and Villify and I and then eventually believe it or not turns on myself I'm Trying to stop and I I support you. Thank you so much. Tell me more about this movie from the 70s Go fuck yourself So what did you how'd you resolve with the nine-year-old kid? He left he left in the middle of the thing. Thank God because I didn't there's no resolving and there's a there's a block on there And I hate I hate to skip your no No, I was gonna bring it up. Okay, cuz they're all sort of the same thing which is avoiding confrontation That's what I'm curious about with All of this stuff is it never occurred to me that you avoided confrontation because when you come to the comedy store You now enter. I don't know how you enter You've got a system worked out where you're dealing with almost no one And it's unbelievable. I don't know if you have a rope That you climb up the side of the building go on the roof repelled out It's you're not and what I I thought you were just trying to avoid weirdos Which may be part of it, but you're also trying to avoid confrontation generally necessarily at the comedy store confrontation, it's more like getting I Just want to go and do my thing and leave. That's all I want to do I don't necessarily want to sit in the back and there's been moments where I'm like Oh, let me hang out a little bit here and just talk to a few guys and you regret it every time And then I get in the car No, but it's I Felt like, you know the comedy store a great place I felt like I did a lot of that hanging out. Yeah, you know, yeah for years Yeah, I hang out there, but the way I got it set up now. I just slip and slip out Sometimes I don't even know some someone like if you were there I did sometimes I don't know you're there until I'm running to my car. Yeah, and I'll like have you're like, hey You got to get a bodyguard So the confrontation avoidance, that's what I realized. I mean a lot of stand-up is Our rebuttal to with to a situation that we didn't like And now that I see it on your list. I was like, oh You're not gonna yell at CVS You're gonna write a bit about it. Yeah, yeah, which is it was under my nose the whole time But so you're very passive in life Yeah, I don't rock the boat like if I got a problem with somebody I Don't address the problem. I just like They pass away to me that I couldn't my head. I have a funeral We don't want to talk to eulogy. What do you have? I Have a hard time expressing myself when I Feel that there's been a wrong And I don't how's that for work that can't be great work It's not good. That's another thing. I'm working on trying to be a little bit more. Oh the problem is I'm when I am Honest and open it's a little bit abrupt and aggressive And I don't know how to like like Sometimes sugarcoat the the message. I often do it with humor. I Try and I try and like if I try to weave it in with a little with a little humor So it doesn't come off as as abrupt Well, I think a great plan is is to never say anything and then when it does come out It's got so much force That you really heard a lot of people That's the best way to approach problems. Okay, and then you resent them for you not having said anything Because they somehow made you feel like they that you weren't allowed to say anything even though they never said they didn't know what was happening How many funerals you have in a year? Well, that's what's funny is I had no I'm like I think Sebastian likes me but there's a point But I also do recognize the party that I'm like, oh that guy could have buried me Years ago and I have no I would have never known Do people ever say do you got a problem with me and you then will address it or you just go? What about work stuff You got you know when you're on those tour that you got 50 people at least Yeah, I mean and do you have somebody that you'll sort of whisper and then they'll take care of it for you Yeah, I have I have somebody that I could rely on for you know fixing problems that I see But you know, I mean It's not so much in the everyday minutiae of work that I have a problem addressing things. It's more like larger Personality issues with how do you do that with Lana? How do you how do you figure that out with her? It's just you know with the people close to me. I don't have a problem with it We got it with the people that you know, I have maybe a business relationship with or a Friend that's not so close to me a family member. That's not so right to me. I tend to Draw draw away not not address certain problems. It's just better that way No, I feel like you see like a guy that would You have a like for example, I'm gonna I'm gonna give you an example of how I Interpret a few things that you have said great. I love it. This is perfect. I'm sure I've offended you three times There are three moments where I yeah, go ahead When you said earlier when I walked in in the movie, right and you said I'm gonna tell you what somebody said, right and I'm gonna tell you who it is Yeah, oh that's Sebastian walking in I Interpreted that is there was nobody That was you Say saying that okay Now that right no great, but that It could be right could be wrong. Yeah. Yeah, sometimes that's how I filter information that Someone is telling me right and just knowing you there's a There's things that you say sometimes that we go is that was that a compliment or did this guy just Give me a dick right so there's no digs with you I oh like you're one of my favorite comedians ever. I'm not saying we have a bad relationship Yeah, I like you you like me, but sometimes you've had me on life support. You've had me on You called funeral homes check for availabilities. I'm sure well, I'm just saying sometimes Sometimes my filter Right whether you mean it or not, right? Oh, yes, we'll let misinterpret the yes. Well, that's another comedy thing where we Take the worst possible interpretation of things by the way, sometimes we're right 70% of the time I would say we were right somebody did say it and I I didn't I will I'll tell you after I just don't want to say No, no, I don't care who it was But what I'm saying is sometimes I misconstrued right things just because I'm filtering it a completely different way than You're a monster and you see everybody else But does that make you is that give you like Stomach pains, you know, I mean are you just put it at you just file it away. No, I just like it goes in When you said that I thought that no, okay, okay And then I just I just let it go and we move on to the kids. Yeah, but like I was actually thinking about saying that in the moment Yeah, I go what was that you you know, but then I'm like, yeah I'll you know, there's like I got like a conversation going on in my head half at a time Of course, I'm still listening and I'm still present But there's like a there's like a internal it's like an editing When you edit video and there's like the video and then there's the over graphics and then there's the sound Yeah, we all got I think most human beings have at least two or three tracks. We probably got six or seven I'm overthinking that I should have just I should have just said that and be done with it And then we move on but like I'll I'll think it I won't say it I'll press it and then and then you'll resent me for it Yeah He I come on his podcast and he tells me I'm not active But that's you're not I mean I look I get it. I'm doing the same thing over here. All right guy wears a black turtleneck Um Number one not good at confrontation hate it I will say I've found that this is a through line with a lot of comedians in that the job description is kind of We get in these situations. We are furious, but we don't say anything and then we take it out in the comedy Yeah, I talked I take it out and I'm podcasting and in comedy and I also like to talk people talk about people behind their bags But when it comes to one-on-one, I'm a coward Yes, like I heard you said this about me. No, I didn't here's the recording that no No, no, you know, you get and you seem to get very Korean. Yeah, I do. Yeah, yeah, because I get when I get scared My accent comes out. Yeah, like like airy spears. Mm-hmm. Oh my god So I would talk mad shit about him. Mm-hmm Because he you know, we had some experiences together, right? Mm-hmm Then when I saw him it was fucking scary. He'd heard about it. He had saved all of it From where from this random podcast. He had evidence So he came up to a young man. You're talking mad shit about me. I go. No, I love you He's like listen and he said let's go to a clip. Yeah, and it projected onto the wall all the shit Basically, yeah, that's terrifying. Do the hire an editor. Do you think or he did it himself? I don't know but it made him that mad That would make me mad. What if you talk shit about me on podcast No, no about me. I do talk about Aries. I don't I don't wait wait wait. Listen, listen, listen, listen You just said you talked about me. Listen. Okay. I don't talk shit. Okay, my friend. All right. I tell stories Okay, about you Me neil brandon or the proverbial neil brandon proverbial, right? So I've said things about you A lot of it wasn't true But in my mind it was and we've worked it out over the time But my point is is that's another problem of mine is is I have this Assumption that people Like even in Conversations, I I'll take, you know subtext or whatever and I and I'll you know, I mean you write fanfiction About people you write science fiction about interactions you've had Yeah, because growing up as a as a trauma kid, right? Like you just make trauma boys That's what they call the trauma boys, right with a z. So I would I would always have to read my dad You know what I mean? Yeah, of course, right and And that just kind of spilled out into like other social things where you're doing it every interaction is There's hostility. There's right potential for violence Exactly or when I walk into a restaurant like people if I'm on a date, they're like, what are you doing? I gotta find where all the exits are So I like I'll roam around the fucking restaurant and look and you do that right now Like in this building I did it I walked into this building. I like you do a sweep. I do a sweep. Yeah And I don't know why I do it. I mean, I know why but it's like it's safety You want a clear space to do your nuclear? TikTok celebration Or your fortnight celebration that's it's like it's like if there's like, you know, an aurora You know, um, what I don't Aurora. I don't I literally oh when a shooting Yeah, the movie theater. Yeah. Yeah, it's been like a while. But yeah, there was a color Yeah, of course you're the kid at orange hair. Yeah, no, I'm not the kid. I'm the victims I get it. I know you when I walk into a movie theater. I do it. I go because of aurora. I go There's exit exit. I can go up this stairs these stairs and I I have it planned out before the movie starts Do you have a tidal wave exit plan? Yeah, what is it? A tidal wave like a huge wave Yeah, so I was in hawaii once and this is so fucking fucked up I was in hawaii ones by myself and They slid a fucking paper underneath my door And I picked up and they said tsunami coming Right and then all of a sudden I heard these sirens And I was the first floor are you on I was on the second floor. I was the first guy on the rooftop Yeah, like people like people got up there 20 minutes later. I'm like, yeah, I've been up here Yeah, yeah, I had a fucking scuba thing The whole scuba thing and my wetsuit on I was fucking ready, dude That's exciting and it never came But I stayed up there for eight more hours just in case because you had to yeah, yeah, but anyway, yeah, I'm that guy I prepare And all right, so that's your tsunami and you've lived it you were you had a tsunami A tsunami warning and you got the flippers and you had the flippers the wetsuit the fucking snorkel Goggles the whole thing. I had a bible great right. I had my cigarettes even though like I know I'll smoke back then No, that's not gonna do great. No Although I would be funny to see one of those videos Of a guy floating in a huge river with his head stuck out. Yeah, like a fucking mechanic Yeah, so like, you know in every scenario like if there's tornadoes I would have one different things, you know What's your tornado? well, I I only know based on um A twister the movie. You mean you mean the wetsuit and the mouthpiece wasn't well researched I know I make I know I make probably faulty assumptions. Of course. Yeah, right? Yeah, but still I need to do it. So in twister, right? Remember they latched themselves out in like a fire hydrant or whatever So I looked at fire like if I'm in Oklahoma. I go, where's the fire hydrant? Oh, interesting. Oh, here's a good question What do you have a? Mass shooter plan I've done this. Oh, yeah, I do different comedians Come to the store with a gun And our shooting people. What's your plan? Not only that I know I already have a list of people who might I I absolutely do I bet if we and I can't tell you who they are No, I don't but I have a short list of people, right? So whenever I'm on the lineup with them. It's here already Are you gonna bargain with them? Are you gonna hit them with like come on, man? You know, we worked We did three guys that there's nothing I had. There's three guys, right? You're getting popped. I'm dead There's three guys. I know I'm just dead. There's nothing I can say money. There's nothing You know, I mean, I hadn't even thought about bribing people. Yeah I might have to tell somebody I'll do a sketch show with I'll be a showrunner. Yeah Yeah, come on. We got to get through this. Yeah, I'll do I'll do six episodes up front Yeah, but I have that list and I know the comments in fact tonight. I have there's one guy on the lineup I can't tell you what is wow who could be a shooter. So I'm like I I am I'm at the store. I say hi, but I am you know, man Interesting super nice. Yeah, of course. Great set even though I didn't see it. You didn't see it. Great set, man Yeah, so there's nothing and I have you developed a plan to get better at it or you just hope you don't get caught Well, I'm on medication that helps. Mm-hmm. What do you want? Ritalin, great And then I like it. I love it. Great Secondly, I also need to do boundaries And I think that's what fucked up my relationship with Kalilah. I just never we never fought I just absorbed everything but there were resentments The building yeah, and it was like she's you know, she's a hot chick. I don't want her to leave Right, right So I would just absorb all the stuff right where's that meant and it gets to the point where there's nothing you can do with it except You become miserable It's in every conversation Yeah, if you don't clear it. Yeah, you literally bring it So I can't like afford to do that anymore. So I'm learning to do all that Go. Hey, you know what you just said to me really hurt my feelings or you know This is how I feel about you know, I mean, it's hard. It's so hard. Yeah when I first started going to a 12 step meeting about Codependence I would if I was going to talk somebody on the phone. I'd have a like literally a bullet point the things I wanted to say Wow When I called them this is back when we used to call people on the phone. Yeah, but like you have to You have to because otherwise when you get Caught up in the swirl of what they're of their counter argument and then You're fucked. Yeah, it's a very hard thing to do is Ask for what you want. It's hard to know what you want. Yeah, but I think our new I mean your new, you know, I mean Idea of god, right? Maybe can't we just incorporate that that like I mean I believe that I wouldn't change anything of my past because I feel like it all led me to this moment in my life And I love my life, right? So it's like and I have to believe that all that stuff in my head and it could be wrong Happened all the way it was supposed to happen and for a reason and I tried to make the Most healthiest choices for myself, you know what I mean? So from this moment onward You know, I have to believe that as well that like things are just going to happen I'm going to meet the right person. Do you ever feel that way or no? Well, no, no, no, no, I don't think it's random events because my thing is like I've had an incredibly fortunate life amazing and But there are times where I wonder when you look at like the hard part So you look at the downs at whatever the difficult chapter or whatever And you go, why did that happen? What it what am I supposed to make of that? Yeah That's the part I have a hard time with the thing about a belief in god that makes that I like is It does make me feel like Whatever happens in my life. It's okay Meaning if I end up with somebody great if I don't end up with somebody also great Yeah, and not even because like god somewhere and loves me my experience of god was not even loving or venomous Or it was just like it was just such it was like dealing with like A super super duper duper duper duper duper duper duper duper duper duper duper power So it was not even like oh and we have a relationship I didn't have any sort of relationship with the thing I experience right, but you have one now No, I mean No, not in that. I don't pray to it. I just think that there's a energetic feel that I can go to Through meditation or prayer whatever you want to call it that I don't really understand what's going on and Even just talking about it 15 seconds ago. I felt like a yeah Yeah, I get what you're saying like I felt like uh my energy shifted a little bit where I was like Am I about to pass out just for like a split second? Yeah Do you do you believe in manifestation? Are you asking me do I listen to Joe Dispenza and do the manifestation thing almost daily? No, no, I mean I believe in The chemical yeah, I guess the short answer be yes, okay the Joe Dispenza thing was Joe because I do listen to it So do you believe in manifestation? Yeah, let's move on. Let's make someone So you're not good at confrontation You're addicted to tragedy porn I have a joke about the body clock that you've seen Whether you realize it or not. I have seen it. So isis has gone after a Rock club in paris and they've gone after a gay club in Orlando. So I don't I just mentioned it in the setup. Yeah Yeah And it's but I'm okay with that right. It's incredibly personal to you. Yeah, and it's to me It's a piece of new, you know, I mean obviously like I watched the documentary and like I'm Pretty well versed in it and Jimmy Carr and I have talked about a lot and like But love Jimmy. Yeah, it's the best but But but but what I think is where many folks go wrong in my opinion is that You have to tell that joke and I have and and I know how I feel about it There's nothing that can change that right my feelings about it Art remain unaffected by jokes for against with about It's the that's that's what I already have. Yeah, and I already have that experience, you know, and so it's like I when people get offended. I'm I always think to myself. Oh my god. You're such a precious motherfucker Because everything else they've talked about someone has talked about didn't bother you. You're okay to laugh for that And then someone someone William tells you and splits the arrow with the arrow and now you're like, what the fuck? Yeah, how dare you and that's a bit of arrogance in the outrage because it's also just by people Can have giant but also you're you're free to leave Well, yes, it's one of the last freedoms for me. It's one of america's great freedoms the freedom to split Yeah, right that no one seems to be able to touch. I'm going and it's like good. Yeah, let me grab your bag, motherfucker. I you know it's the it's the The more you get the more you realize like not being near something It's critical for one of the greatest gifts I don't want to say it's life's greatest gift, but it's up there Being able to extricate yourself from things because your brain will stop thinking about it You will stop experiencing it emotionally. It's a magic product leaving. It's a fucking magic trick Right get the fuck out of there. Yeah, the people don't realize like Oh, you don't like a person or a relationship or a situation or a smell or whatever go away from it Yeah, well, I just can't but but for me it's whoa, excuse I can't imagine saying I don't want to hear about this And also I need the entire conversation of everyone else about it to stop. That's the part I don't get where it's like I'm upset And this has got to stop around me, although I'm not leaving so everyone's got to get involved with my exact wishes That it just seems like an arrogant throw. That's always really annoyed me It's also I think it frankly it makes me want to go at someone more and in that course, you know It's the world's unfathomably Large and that people talk about like you have main character center or whatever. We all have main character It's it's the situation where I can only see it from these two eyes from this Yeah, what fucking choice do you have? Yeah, so but because you can't believe that There's this many experiences. You just it's like when people go do you see your spotify stats, you know people spend 400 million hours listening to Queens of the Stone Age and you're like That means nothing to me. Yeah, that means fucking nothing to me and the same thing with I can't believe that my point of view Isn't everyone's And it isn't incredibly important to yeah and get started with mine, too It's the actual call to action about it too. That's worse Yeah, like hello people. Let's get started. I'm offended. Let's get to work, you know Okay, that's a good one Well, all right, we didn't I don't even know if we avoided if we talked about avoiding conflict I think we did I I just I'm I'm I'm ready to roll up my sleeves I have a gold tooth that I've earned in my life, you know And I I've realized that as a big six foot five guy That I've been told so many times like when you get angry. It's scary I'm too big to get upset is what I've heard a lot of times. Right. You're not you're not I'm not allowed Yeah, and so You know, I've figured out a way to not let that make me upset Yeah, that's funny because I don't want to be easily manipulated by someone's frustration. Have you gotten better at the language of I hear where you're coming from and my experience is Like because we're from a time when everyone just yelled Fuck you. You made me all these accusations and I'm well versed at that sort of back-and-forth dialogue use your words Danny And then and and I know where to put myself in all that because being misunderstood or having a misunderstanding By nature is something that doesn't need to exist but now does And I think good communication is the key and that also I also Know that when I finally get the opportunity to say Yeah, but I don't give a fuck So why don't you shut the fuck up that that I'd hate to miss that opportunity as well? And you don't you you're not ready to learn on learn that you still think it's valuable I still think there's a there's a moment for everything Uh-huh, and I and I still think that Um, those moments are so rare now and I'm happy about that because I don't miss The bickering of bullshit, you know, and of course my friend would say don't waste the hate You know, there's so few things worth the time But I think a big thing for helping me of sort of avoid conflict has been really, you know Focusing on what I actually like now. It seems very simple, but it's like if I don't like this table I don't want to bond over not liking it together. I don't want to be like this fucking thing. Look toots Yeah, you know two levels and the gold is bullshit and then you go. Yeah, and that's how we become friends Yeah, you know, I really you don't think that could be destructive along her Josh are you saying that those well these things these things happen, right? Can only sustain on a shared hatred and you start looking for shared hatred And then you're there you are well to get welded together by trauma, you know, yeah, and and and so I just think really Realizing how little time we have it's okay to say we're on the titanic It's we're all gonna hit the water. I believe that's it's not negative. It's It's like what do you want to do with the time we have left? Let's get into what you know There isn't tons of time left neil. Do you have a good eye for it? when to be contrite when to be a peacemaker and when to be a A war maker I've made a lot of war in my days and and so it's got me really excited about Like I said being a good communicator and you know working as a record producer. What is that at the end of the day? it's really About being a good communicator and not having to put yourself all over a situation You know, it doesn't it's not going through your filter. It's going through your conduit That isn't filtering anything and and I think that requires good communication. I love compromising You know, um, because that's what collaborating is, you know So, um, I've kind of lost my taste for war, you know Because it it takes up so much time And spirals out of control. I mean All right, here's devil's advocate has war been good to you. I've learned a lot Meaning have you Great songs great shows great from war. Yeah Yeah But I've also learned that anger is that it's okay to drive your car on anger for 50 miles But you don't want to run on that all the time. It'll burn you out and and you know, it's Having that be your focus anger war like conflict You know constantly gritting your teeth like that. There's it's just uh In terms of in in that discussion of we're on the titanic and it's sinking So what do you want to do with your time left? I think i'm done I'm Spending my time there, you know I'm done spending my my time In the unpredictable time suck that is heavy conflict. There's just not enough time for that now. Yeah, I have to think it's Kind of a young man's game. Yeah Yeah, I'm I'm 50. How old are you 49? Yeah, I'll never be 50. Yeah I would fucking imagine me fucking, you know, it's a heavy responsibility, Dale I will never Someday when your mother and I fucking imagine me I'm gonna believe both of our ages All right block number one right right avoiding Confrontation that's right, which is uh very original and you were saying all every bobby Had it bobby lee Sebastian I certainly have it to a degree. I see it mostly which I you don't have at the least I don't have it bad. I the problem is it's we're all people pleasers Give me some snapshots of avoiding confrontation in your life. Yeah. Yeah Oh, well, you know the biggest example that I used in my special is when an intruder came to my house This is very literal My instinct was hide You know Maybe look for a weapon ish thing and just hide maybe run away if possible. Maybe move Yeah, you know my husband's was opposite We go towards the guy Go confront him physically Go try to stop the situation with my body and the clothes on my back very different people. Yeah. So that's literal Like physical avoiding confrontation And intruder is a pretty big one That's not like I couldn't say no to a podcast Or I couldn't say no to a birthday party like an intruder is like fight or flight Yeah, but in intense crazy situations like that. You really show your true colors. I feel like yeah, you know And it was interesting where I was like, wow, I was gonna let My husband die Because I was like, well, you know, like we're just renting anyway. Like we should just move in my head I was like we will move we're no longer safe here You know, yeah, immediately quick to instead of being like, no, we built a life here Which is the things my husband you were on zilla while the intruder was still there, right? Yeah, I mean if yeah, if I had um, if had if your true your true true colors My tabs were still open though from before he came so my true true true colors came out and it was white Yeah, my husband would say things like, you know, no, we built a life here. We should at least keep trying If we move the intruders win Yeah, that kind of thing that kind of thing but also it's like it's not so easy to just pick up and move in la you have to now find a new place and that's hard and There's rent control here. We have a good relationship with our landlord, you know, like, yeah But I'd rather go through bigger hurdles than to avoid a confrontation I gotta say yeah intruders a big one. Of course intruders like Like personal physical life and safety But I know you're allowed to flee. Oh, then I was gonna somehow try to get to the time, you know, I Whatever was late to do something or whatever. No, but what what's the more like That kind of thing like do you find yourself overbooking yourself? Do you find yourself saying yes to too many Things you don't really want to do. Yes all the things right of a people. Please are right I'm a people. Please are I started going to a 12 step group That is based on codependency And overcoming codependency. So it's about creating boundaries for yourself Yeah within social dynamics but it's Really hard to the point where they have meetings every day Right because it's very hard. Yeah to ask people To meet your needs 100% I always say like you don't really change as a person from when you're a kid to now The only thing that changes is your boundaries. Yes, right? I think that's it. You just realize the energy you have for things Better, you know, so you go. Okay. I'm still the same person. I still want to people, please I want to say yes to everything but oh, I know that thing makes me really tired I know three podcasts in a row makes me tired I did it the other day or five shows in a row or whatever. So, you know, you don't do that Yeah, don't do that and then people it's like would stand up A tell Is from the school of like you do six spots a night. No, I mean you can't sorry. Sorry gutter No, you created a boundary. No I know it starts to bleed. What is he want to die? Okay, so let's get into some blocks avoiding confrontation This is a common thread in on the show At least half of our guests have had it as a Sebastian had it. Bobby Lee had it. I definitely have it Tell me about how you avoid confrontation And When did you realize like I have to stop doing this? I think my family Is like a very nice family. We're all very nice to each other that in many ways is beautiful But it also means we don't directly deal with Confrontation we just like either ignore it or we wiggle around it with little jokes Or like in my case with a lot of people and a lot of things I just sort of like roll over and fucking show my belly and I'm just like fine Like whatever you want is okay. How long does that last? There's a tipping point There's different versions of how one avoid what kind of confrontation we're talking about like like for example, like I'll go to the airport and let's say I can like You know with my American Express I should be able to get into the fucking delta first-class lounge But I don't have my American Express right and I get in the delts delta first-class lounge the delta lounge And they're like you need the American Express card and it's like well I'm in your system And they're like you you need the card. Yeah at that point. I say, okay. Thank you have a nice day and I walk away my wife I wouldn't even Try you wouldn't even I know like I know what's gonna happen They're just gonna say you're not in the system right and I'm gonna be like embarrassed for everybody So I'm not gonna do it to myself. Yes. I will do something very minor minutely like push back And then I am like fair enough. I'll fucking go to jillies, too You know like Which is where I want to go to me, you know what I mean? And I think what I've come to in in this regard is and watch how I do this watch how I flip this I think like as a white Straight guy, Danny. Is that true? Is he a white straight guy? Go ahead. We'll find out right after this As a straight white guy comes from tremendous privilege like It's it's hard for me to like put my foot down to say like I deserve more Like because I am like in the grand scheme of things. Yeah, I've been given everything So I'm really gonna fucking fight you on like whether I can get into this lounge or not like Many more people have many bigger grievances also the lounge is basically a radison What's the one where they have cereal they give you cereal? The lounge or the hotel? Um embassy suite embassy suite. It's an embassy suite. Yes room Meanwhile, now a lot of airports have like decent restaurants in them But it's like you're like no, I'm gonna sit in the lounge With like a weird businessman. Yeah from Dallas many many all Yeah, all on IBM thinkpads. Yes, would you know where they got them? Yeah, they're still using the eraser mouse in the middle of the keyboard computer. Yes, they're using a 40 pound computer eating So much wildly salty checks mix correct from like a A dispens a big plastic dispenser and like cucumber water. Yeah, that's correct. That's where I'm trying to fight my way to get in Fuck you get your hands off I need those checks mix you bitch. Yeah, so I or like the coldest cube of fruit you've ever seen Yep For also true. So in that regard, I will not deal with confrontation now with my Interpersonally, I'm interpersonally. So there's like the base like bullshit whatever But in general, I'm like this I will just finish by saying that I think some of my lack of deserve for confrontation comes in if I'm trying to put a positive spin on it As a feeling of empathy A sense of empathy for the other so like the woman at the Dallas airport who does not want to let me into the delta lounge I'm like this woman's just doing her fucking job Yeah, no, like if she lets me in and there's some camera that's seeing that I never presented my american express card She's gonna get written up. I don't want to this woman. Why do I what do I fucking really care? I'm leaving then there's the inner there's the work version of things which is I just I need to hit work and Personal relationships. Yes. So in work I want everyone to like me. I want people to think I'm easy going I want people to think that I'm a pleasure to work with Is it true or you want people to think it? Both I I want people to think it so I make it true Like when you go and scout a location as a producer director And you walk into a room and the set designer is like this is where we're shooting the podcast the the tape podcast Where neil does his podcast where he makes his friends talk about their deeper deepest things and they don't get shit out of it Except a fucking clip on instagram. Is that that's that's the sketch. That's the scene. That's the scene in the movie You're right. It is an uneven trade for me. Yes. Go ahead. So by the way, I'm like, I hate confrontation and yet I just keep going at you But in this but to me that's that is how I also deal with conversation is like Yes, great, but at least That's in a specific situation where I'm like, no, I can go at you directly about this because like you don't care and I don't care Right. So but I think like crime myself to sleep tonight. Go ahead. Yeah, but that's not my fault That's because you ate fucking cheese or something you eat the vegan loser. So So I think like so in this case like if we came in here to scout this room and our our set designer was like These walls don't work Like I'm like why it's like well because we got red couches and we can't have the red couches with the blue walls I'd be like, okay. Let's find another room versus be me being like fucking paint the walls Yeah, like And there are times where I wish I was like paint the walls and there are other times where I'm like, huh, okay We got the couches already What's the narrow room next door look like it's five feet smaller But the walls are the right color I don't care that much let's shoot in the other room. I want her to like me I want less conflict on them also like what will make for the most the easiest day for everybody Energetically, energetically not you don't you will put the day ahead of the material if need be oftentimes I will because I believe on some level with the work sometimes The energy is more important than the material. Do you want to guess which one I do? I have a feeling Do you want to guess I had a guy one? I'm just remember as you tell this story We're location scouting. I believe it was on chapel show It might have been on half-baked. This is how long ago this was In the east village. We're looking at at at like buildings. We're outside And the super is talking and this the super looks at me and it's like No, I don't like this guy That's how good my energy was that a super on site was like he cannot shoot here I wasn't even doing anything that bad. I was just so energetically bad And uh, I want people on set to think I'm a good guy also and I do nothing to um Oh can make them think that that would be the worst you are in a prison In that I will do everything my power to do like you will in your head want everybody to like you But then your actions do not belie that. Oh, that's a But I don't know what to do it happened like days ago Where I needed a shot to be a certain way And I couldn't convince I wasn't the director and I was trying to get the director to like Please do running out of light all the shit everyone just ended up not liking me But I got the shot correct. Yes, and and like the comedy will be better. Uh-huh Which is I guess good, but I guess it's like we'll I guess I'm always like will the comedy be better Yes, okay. I mean, I'm also not I don't start out as a direct. I think if you start as a director Or you I know you didn't I mean you start as a writer but aspired and then became a director There is a certain thing with directors where they are like this is how I want Well, I just know from doing half-baked hold for a plus doing half-baked Still holding for someone to applaud Danny. Don't give me a standing ovation. No, it's it Um, we shot the movie and then we're 23 And then the editor was a very famous had done lyre lyre martin scorsese rocky He'd done rocky and lyre lyre And he did a cut that wasn't right. So I had to sit with the guy this like adult you know gold-plated editor and Correct, basically do what I thought it should be right at the first screening He looks at me and davin goes and this is direct quotes of please it goes. Well, I guess you guys aren't retarded So I'm used to like Having to make an enemy like that guy hated my guts and I just had to like I guess it's just part of like Doing it the way you need it to be done is that no one's gonna listen I I wish I was more mild mannered or had a better bedside manner than you I bet that like you I think it's a it's a more than anything It's a bedside manner of like it's also just like choosing your battles inside of things But I all of them and and that's are the battles I choose the all of them What battles do I choose all of them? Hi, I'm neil brennan. Welcome back to blocks Um battle box