 We get into a discussion where tonight we are talking about a mental health with us in studio is a counseling psychologist, her name is Jane Jaggi, was worked with schools and also worked in different hospitals in the country literally addressing matters mental health among other issues. Talk to us across the social media platforms that is at Y254 channel, you can also reach me at Patricia Muriuki. Before we dive into the discussion that we have for today of the ages that I would like you to address tonight Jane. This year's theme May is mapped as a mental health awareness month and this year's theme is tools to drive which means providing practical tools that everyone can use to improve their mental health and increase their resiliency regardless of their personal situation. To start us off Jane, welcome to our channel. It's the first thing that you have in UNY254. When we talk about mental health sometimes people wonder why is this conversation every time we can hear about mental health awareness when can we say that mental health up when can I define and say that my mental health is good because I believe that probably you get to get to that point in life. Okay that's a good concern. You realize that mental health has not been held at a very high level maybe in our country or maybe in african continent apart from the west and having that in mind many people have been suffering mentally and people have not been aware currently we have found of so many people committing suicide somebody has killed their wife somebody has killed their husband and all that it's because of mental unwellness because when you do not know how to handle it then your mind tells you that you can end it here but that is not the end once you kill yourself once you kill somebody you leave other people in pain so the pain it's not on your side like if a mother would lose a child through suicidal that mother or father will keep on crying where did I go wrong what didn't I do right what happened all the way through I never saw this coming I didn't and there's so many things that people talk about blaming themselves and all those things do not end up to anything because once it's done it is done so the best thing is to prevent okay sometimes when I when you get to a point where you feel that you need certain help that I need to talk to someone I feel that probably you've been through depression probably you've gotten to the point where you have attempted suicide or even thought about it because they say that for someone who is suicidal it doesn't mean that they have to do it it is even someone who has probably thought about it we know that trauma plays a role in making sure that your mental health is either on a positive note or in a negative note so how can you tell us what is it that you can say about trauma in terms of how it gets to affect our mental health or how it gets to shape our worldview thank you patricia I would want to talk trauma it is something that happens maybe you are not expecting but trauma has also got a lot to do with our past stories maybe you went through something and it was not taken care of let's go to the grief you've lost somebody and at that point people don't see and especially for children people don't see as if maybe children are mourning or something of the kind sometimes they can even be denied to see the the coffin or maybe to see the person who who is already dead and they think that maybe with drawing them from that reality yes but then this child will just be with the drone and sometimes people may not realize that the child is with the drone now when this child grows and some of them may not even go for wrong like I would give an example there was a patient I was handling they lost a child who was in class 8 and they lost the father so when they lost the father the parents never realized that the child was already affected who was the mother the mother was also mourning the other daughter was mourning and everybody in the house was mourning but this particular girl withdrew from everything so she just kept quiet she was she could not pray she could not do anything she just go to sleep and all that down the line seven months she found herself in the hospital and the doctors could say that maybe there are the heart has enraged maybe the kidneys are failed and all those things but the bottom line of this child it was depression that the child entered when she rose to the father so now for parents who are watching us tonight or even for people who get to assess this interview or this conversation later and you have children with you how can our parents learn how to probably let their children go through certain experiences because we've talked about parents sometimes will keep their children away from certain things thinking that they're protecting them but not aware that the trauma that you the pain that you're feeling as a parent even your child even your son and your daughter are feeling it so how can parents be able to bring their children let them go through the process of probably experiencing the grief and get to every stage so that we avoid having children brain brought up who have a lot of childhood trauma in in our society thank you I want to say that maybe when one is grieving beneath their parents sometimes they may not be able to help their members to go through it but maybe in that family platform if maybe they identify a therapist that person will be able to help them go through it because as an individual if yes I am a cancerer yes but if I've lost maybe my child I am also human so I'm also at that time I also need another cancerer to support me so everybody needs this support it doesn't mean because you are a therapist you can do it to yourself remember when you are painting you are painting and the psychological pain it is so painful the pain that you feel when you cut yourself that is the pain that happened right inside and sometimes it's so painful you just look at somebody seated but just crying so when one is in that kind of a state you need somebody else to help you go through it okay we've had instances where probably let's talk about our parents or either male or female who are in an abusive environment or probably it does not even have to be the parent probably you're a single mother you're a single father and for you to be able to make ends meet for your child you have to take your child and have them be brought up by a relative and this child grows around a very toxic environment the words said parents probably been abused whether it's physically how does that get to affect a child's mental health as they grow because most parents will say I stayed for the children only for you to realize as you are thinking you are staying for the children those children are not happy themselves so how can parents be able to take themselves away from environments that are not fit for their children if they have tried everything counseling talking to people and all that and they can find out that whatever it is that I have with this partner is not working how do we now integrate the children in good environments now children are product of the marriage when you are married you have children children are part of that family they identify with the father they identify with the mother and the children are comfortable when they are seeing the two parents being together when they are united but then it happens when you have when the relationship becomes abusive then there is a problem the children will see it the children will feel it when a man comes and yells to us the wife the children are listening and it is registering in their mind now there is something will happen to these children when they are grown up some of them they may become abusive just as they saw in their in their marriage setup or in their family setup because parents are the role models to the children so whatever they are seeing it is also sinking in their minds so it is also very safe for them to practice it because they saw it happening now when the relationship become abusive it is good for the couple to go for the therapy very important if maybe you feel you cannot don't go fighting just with the drug because if you cannot and you keep on fighting this person you keep on you are not helping anybody and if it continues then you realize of cases whereby maybe they have killed each other or maybe they have cut subordinates arms or maybe the rex and even the children others even go to an extent of burning the house when they are right inside so that all of them can die now instead of witnessing such aggressiveness it's better to keep off okay i haven't talked about trauma i would like us to talk about social media bullying some people don't some i feel people really don't um i've not come in the realization of the impact of social media bullying just recently there was a there was a teenage girl who took their life after a video went viral of them being assaulted by the other girl that is were beating up and people really laughed at her and the comments that on social media were comments just calling this a young girl very very bad names and she decided to take her life because she could not deal with that so how can people especially the young people because they are the ones who are finding themselves in these platforms how can they be careful in terms of what you put out there be mindful of the person that you want to say these things to and also for them to understand that doing that does not make them any better so how can we be empathetic people how can we also be people who are mindful of a stranger that we do not even know because most of the times on is when you yell insults to people on social media you you don't even have a personal relationship with them yeah you don't have a personal relationship with them and but when you hear of people talk negative about you it would affect you whether they know you or not because everybody wants to hear that everybody is good and it's like they can't even they pat it you're back and it's like you feel all it's well but now this one doesn't happen first and foremost somebody may be going to social media to approve of herself maybe she's coming from another background which is more painful and because of that pain you think that maybe by going through social media people are going to say well then you look beautiful and some and all those things now instant people comment negatively and so your expectations are not met and out of that you begin now to with the drug what will happen to this person the person was very active they with the drug after they begin to with the drug they're also with the drug from other friends so when you realize that somebody is with the drink like if you are good friends over sandenam with the dream you are not talking it's like you call me and it's like i am busy or something of the kind with so many excuses third relationship already has developed some concerns okay let us we'll take a very short break and come back to deal with other issues that are remaining we take a very short break right here on why 254 we'll be right back i'll stay with us come back and thank you for staying with us on why 254 needs updates tonight we talk mental health tools to thrive how do you take care of yourself how do you make sure that literally you are good holistically financially mentally emotionally spiritually all those aspects that we know are out here that we need to keep on uh taking checking tabs doctors across social media platforms that is at why 254 channel you can also reach me at patricia muryuki and if you're just joining us we're continuing our conversation and jayna would like us to talk about um the kcse results are out on 10th of this month and we've seen students being celebrated across the country we have the best students being carried and parents are very excited um we have some of even being interviewed on tv and all that but i was topped probably to think about the student who did not make it and probably it is a student who they were wishing that they would also get themselves a very good trade but they have not what really what impact what we can as a parent instead of coming in as a parent and trying to compare your child to the child who is doing better as a parent instead of coming and using very bad diminishing words that can probably uh lead your child to depression and all that i can now parents come in and try to make sure that they are they are embracing their children regardless of the performance that was received that is on monday 10 thank you patricia it's very important that parents and especially for parents whose children never performed well those parents whose children performed well they were out there rejoicing patting and all those things and the children were very happy very encouraged but then there is that child who did the fomfom and the results were not favorable and it's like everybody it's like what did you get sinjapata results bando this because you're not proud of what you got pray also thank god for our government they have already seen that and they are seeing that people can also enroll in these other tivating situations yes that can also help them it is important to note that nobody is useless so you cannot say that somebody it's useful because they only passed the exam even that person who failed they are useful because they also have other skills and there is something there is something they can do in life that can make them and up there are so many things it is not only the jobs that the white kora jobs as they are known there are so many things that one can do you only need to realize what am i good at what is this what is this talent that i have that i can make use of when the parents realize that maybe this child of mine is talented in this direction please support them that way because that person you become very useful and very helpful okay uh let us talk about community support and as we talk about community support uh in probably um in mental health what rose probably you've come out to your part to your family and you've told them that you're going through depression and all that we know there is stigma we've still not gotten to a point where people can see down and understand that mental health has nothing to do with um witchcraft people still need it's it's a it's a journey we have milestones that we've already made but we know that we've not gotten to the point where we want to get as far as mental health is concerned so like you to talk about community support in terms of breaking the pattern of stigmatization how can people embrace people even someone comes out and opens to you whether it is your friend whether it is a relative that they are struggling with something how do we embrace them without being judgmental because we're living in a world where the first thing people think of before they give you a piece of advice they'll first judge you so how do we look at it as a community without being judgmental that's very important in the first place there is nobody will ever say that i'm depressed when they are depressed the people that say that i am stressed i'm depressed no matter they are never stressed and they are not depressed but a depressed person we will never know whether they are depressed it is other people who would realize that this person is depressed but before you get into that depression whereby you cannot understand yourself there is a stigma whereby you feel you have a problem and you try to reach out and that is where now the community comes in and somebody has come in and it's like they have shared whatever they feel but what we do as a community it's like we go and talk against that i was told this by so and so and so they gang up against that person so when this person derives that these people had ganged up against that is when people will move on and maybe commit suicide but on the other hand it is also important to know to tell the right people because it is not everyone in the community who is going to help you so please it is important for people to know that that's why we also have canceras on board go to a cancera just pour out what you feel you are going through and you'll get the support you go to the society to the community to the people that maybe to your friends but a friend will not name become a friend when when things are okay if your things are not okay the the friend turns against you and they tarnish your name and there you are you are crushed and you do not know how to wake up it's like you do with just the earth to open and bury you alive and those are the things when the moment you realize that you want to get out of people then go for help okay uh when we talk about we know kofi 19 is still here with us the pandemic their people have been affected in different ways people have lost loved ones uh they someone was probably contacted um kofi it has and it was really tough on them uh the people have lost jobs when we talk about these years theme which is tools to thrive what tools do you think uh without getting to the point where okay now let me go to the towards and see a therapist what tools available to us uh i mean i'm seated in my house i'm going through a difficult moment in what way can i reach out to someone and say hello i need help what tools are available for probably people going through certain experiences as we go through the pandemic thank you very much relax sometimes it is difficult to relax but it is important to relax talk to yourself self talk what is this okay i am going through this but what can i do to do better what other option do i have when do i get help so can i pursue that do not just sit and concentrate on the negative part of it when you concentrate on the when the energy negative energy it's too much that's when you get to depression but when you are positive the life yes we have seen people who have who have lost jobs yes but they have gone and begun other businesses and they are making it however it's not everybody who can do the business yeah right now some businesses are already flooding because it's like everybody ran to that so now you find yourself in another problem you are on business but you are learning losses yeah now that one it's another now if this one cannot what else can i do which is this thing that i am good at because what i'm good at it's not what you are good at it is not what another person is good at and recognize your strength and maybe even from school let every child realize their strength when you realize your strength you are able to move on but even those people who have failed their exams the moment they cognize their strength they will go to once that and they will succeed because that is what they can do best for themselves so what you're saying what you're telling our viewers is that even if you find yourself in a difficult situation don't dwell on the negative so much try to look for the positivity out of it yes so let us as we come to the closing of this interview normalizing therapy i saw somewhere that those who go for therapy don't have a problem those who do not other ones like who have a problem just it's just something that people are trying to bring to to create so that people can embrace therapy because very many people feel that hiya why should i go and tell someone my problems i can be able to solve those problems by myself but i i feel i've been through a journey where i'm reading different pieces about trauma about therapy and all that and the impact of all these things in someone's life and i have realized that people who have gone to therapy like those people are dope like they are not perfect but they they are able to understand themselves in a certain way so how do we get to a point where in kenya people can just talk about therapy like oh by the way on sunday at 11 i'm going for the 11 a.m. mass and someone says oh on friday i cannot meet you because i have my therapy session so how do we get there yes it's a journey and we are still moving on yeah um one of the thing the key thing for the cancerans before you become a canceran you have to go for the therapy and they are fixed several sessions that you have to go to so once you begin to take the course and you also tend to go for the therapy it's like why so then that one makes you realize that everybody is resisting why because we've not been catch out whereby that we value counseling yeah but it is now through this awareness when you think that you have got no issues that is the time you have issues you'll be surprised when you think you're okay you go under therapist the issues that you imagine you'll be so mean so when you feel that you are needed assisting you don't want to go for therapist then it's time for you to go it is the time that is the time to you for those people who are getting married they feel that they are in love and they cannot go for therapy therapy then one year down the line shock on you yes okay so please go for the therapy okay so how can people probably for someone who is watching us tonight and they would like to reach out they have been struggling with something or they're not even struggling with something because sometimes you're told you don't you don't have to go for counseling or the therapy when you only have a problem how can people probably be able to to reach you if someone needs help in a different area in their life how can people be able to reach you okay you can get me on maybe my through cell phone you can one can call on this number zero seven two two nine six three zero four six i repeat zero seven two two nine six three zero four six you can get in touch with that number we can do virtual maybe you are fine and you'd want somebody to support you or maybe it is the children's like now we also have parents with issues with the children please you can reach out we can do virtual and once you connect we will be able to do all the rest yeah okay so transformation transformation in terms of i came in for therapy and this was my problem i was struggling with depression i was struggling with suicidal thoughts how is a journey because probably someone so that we don't leave this interview with people thinking that you will come today and see the therapist uh day one day two and day three you're you're you're perfect as we close up on this uh interview tonight what's that what's the transform transformation a journey like yeah counseling does not go like maybe today tomorrow um it is a journey you might be told that maybe you're going to have like five sessions or six sessions depending on the issues that you're going through and uh you don't do one day after another like you take the medicine at least you have one day today then tomorrow you'll have an i mean next week the other week or maybe after two weeks depending on how you work it out with your therapist so people need to be patient that is what you're trying to tell us need to be patient and uh once you're given some homework please make sure you do it okay please homework in there happy guys yes there is homework so thank you very thank you very much uh Jane for sharing that uh with us i'm sure that uh i've also learnt a lot i'm sure even people are watching us at home you've gotten some insight from this topic you've had if you're going through a challenging moment in your life don't do us so much on the negative try to look for something positive out of it and let us normalize therapy when you call in your friends and telling them you're going somewhere to hang out that's what we're supposed to do calling our friends and telling them by the way i'm going to see a therapist it doesn't mean that you behold redemption or something so thank you very much yeah so period it is a strength so why don't you add that to some of the strengths that you have because i believe we all need help in a in in a certain way we all need help in different aspects of our lives thank you very much for being with us tonight my name is patricia mariyuki joe viasesa very good night enjoy the rest of our programming