 She's scared of you Michael stop it. She's terrified of you. You are far too intense with her. Do you understand? We love man Live on all socials. Whoa, man. Oh, we forgot to go live on fucking Instagram and shit. Oh, yeah We're gonna do that. We're really yeah, I was just gonna do it for like 30 seconds Just is a little bit of promo or something like that Give me your phone if you want and I'll do it now. Oh, right. Oh, you can fucking yeah Go on you'll be fucking live on the fucking here. We go. Yeah All right, what's been going on this week? Well, let me fucking tell you all right I yeah, we're Brisbane's back in lockdown. So you can see we're social distancing Michael's got his fingers in his ass He's been scratching away all day and then he complains that it hurts Then he stopped scratching and then he continues to smell his fingers and talk about the fecal matter under his under his Fingernails. So that's what we've been doing. We've also fucking organized Um, we're like very close to booking in our fucking tennis episode and our fucking cricket episode, right? Yeah, we want to try to get two in one week. We're a professional fucking cricket player bloody live one is We're so close to finishing it. Yeah, we got seven out of ten done three episodes left And if you've missed it because you'll be listening to this next week Go and watch the fucking hockey episode because it's out right now Geez my legs still fucked from it. Are you all right? Yeah, yeah, Michael's leg. I've I haven't seen a bruise like that gang green for a while. Have I fourth while? It was like a deep mustard color across the whole side of your leg. Wasn't that right for me? Hey, yeah Got some arm hairs there everyone. So there you go a bit of good luck away. Yeah. No, it's good All right, Instagram, um, you'll have to watch the episode next week to see the rest of it, but you're in for a real treat No, it's great fucking hell man, I thought you hadn't gone off yet Whoa, oh my god, god, we have so many followers and stuff. It's crazy. Hey Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, let me just get rid of this. So we do that the next time for maybe a bit longer Yeah, it's just the start where I was talking about them boring shit. Maybe we should go live at a different time Yeah, we'll just have the live section We can do a segment called the live segment and I'll perch it up on a And then and then you folks on a bird and the people on Instagram throw topics at us. Yeah, and we talk about them real quick That's good. That's great. That's right promotion. That's good cross You guys just heard a fucking brainstorm. That's how it works here. We fucking we fucking get ideas That's how we don't have whiteboards at Marty and Michael. We just fucking come up with shit out of the fly I can't we'll probably forget about it. Yeah, we should probably get a whiteboard Anyway, so yeah, what's what's happened this week fucking we've been busting our ass We've got a brand deal with Ned's that we're doing take it to the Ned's level You'll be able to see that soon too But what else is going on now lives Mickey come on We might be going down to Sydney. Yeah, we were going down to Sydney film a social media commercial for menu log and Maccas I don't know if we're allowed to say that surely we're allowed to say that fuck it. We're fine. Yeah, so that's to happen Look, what else nearly finished the series our first series Bosley's back to normal, but that's right. Yeah, so let's touch on health quickly Bosley's at like 90 95% now and he's fucking he's improving. I have to shove like eight antibiotics down his throat every day which he doesn't like but he's on the improve and Yeah, my heart shit on that's still ongoing. I still have to see the cardiologist end of May But I went and saw a chiropractor today a fucking chiropractor just to see what it's all about I've always been curious and first of all, it's it's very interesting It's it's probably you got to be open-minded to go there though It's all natural medicine and shit and they adjust your body and it's you know, I've got some natural medicines I'm curious to see if they work or not. I'm fucking it made a lot of sense What you're saying and a lot of people are asking what's how's everything going with Michael's reading level? What year year six or seven? I found out today. This is a new one. I didn't know there were two thens There's then and then I Always saw it. T. H. A. N. Was a myth. I Was doing T. H. Ian for everything rather than Rather than what's the one everyone fucks up the yours yours easy for me? Yeah, I figured it out the Vans. I never knew about soon as someone said it's you are and Yeah, then it makes sense. Yeah, exactly, but then new thing I've learned This this fucking podcast, right? You see this fucking shit here in front of us They are sponsoring this podcast manscaped comm all right if you want to buy some grooming products You can just have 20% off boom there. That's yours with that discount code fully actual You have that now you put in your pocket you go to the website You buy something like a shaver to shave your balls and groin region right very good product You use your discount code 20% off just like that. You're welcome You're fucking welcome and the other sponsor of course is the University of Michael where we post our weekly vlogs about our entire lives Everything goes up there extended versions of all Michael's just demonstrated how you use it. He's shaved some pubes off and thrown them at Matt. You dodged well Thank you. You should do that every week. There's pubes all over the cards now That actually happened to Hugh Jackman once he had a stalker in New York and she got a razor and shaved her pubes and threw It at him. Oh Does it I don't think so. Not really. I imagine if it was like I'd be handful. I'm imagining like Liz Hurley Really slimy and wet and yeah, that ruins it. Okay. Oh, what's Matt? Got something going on Anyway, so you're sponsored by University of Michael we've got over a hundred feet Just let me finish over a hundred and fifty fucking videos on there that no one's ever seen before Sign up links in the description. You can watch it for 21 days for free And if you don't like it you can leave no no charge. It's fine. You can just you can just leave If you want, okay, if you know if it's not good enough for you 150 videos is a lot. There's like as I think we worked out over 30 hours of shit on there. Oh shit. Yep 100% that's insane. It's too much. That's like if you're hungover on a fucking weekend That is a good day of hungover watching and then you don't even you can just unsubscribe them You know don't do that. Yeah, well if you if you like what you want to support us If you want to help the podcast continue us continue. That's our home base the website funds nearly everything I found out a hack with the manscape thing. Oh, here we go slow. Okay. I've been shaving my balls I've probably done about twice now. I give it time. Let it grow back. Yeah, I'm twice to now I've worked out you can shave your balls and you can shave your face Yeah, it does both. Yeah, it does everything You can do your head you can do your back your back hair your thick dark back hair I Wish I could do that and break my jaw What is it where you get locked jaw is a stuck open He's had that when he got King hitting the fucking skull couldn't eat for two months All I could do two months yet two months I could open my mouth this far to slide French fries in that's little I could only eat McDonald's chips Dream No, not anymore back when I was yeah, but no, I got Can you tell me the story about that what happened to me? I was at the down under bar of all bars And you've been a cheeky little boy. I'm pretty sure I had oh, dude. Oh It's so cringe think about My hairdresser who worked to like here's my house the hairdresser. I went to all high school Was like two fucking shops down and Michael really befriends his hairdressers and and like flirts with him heaps and Touches them more like fucking his hair and shit get a real sexually aggressive with them. I do not. Oh, okay now Anyway, fuck my mom goes there everything we all the family went to the family hairdresser and then I turned 18 I was out with you. Yeah, I was out with Henry another friend and maybe another friend And we were all on the dance floor. I got my tooth punched through my lip. Yeah. Yeah. I've had them. I've had that happen now The hairdressers were there and I went I was probably 14 when I met them They cut my hair till I was 18 so we got to know each other after four years and now we're like, oh my god You're all growing up now. I didn't know if they were flew I didn't know what flirting was back. They would have been a hundred girls. Yeah. Yeah, sorry And then like I fucking started we started having drinks together and I couldn't believe I was drinking with my hairdressers It's just like when you're 18. That's exciting. Yeah. Anyway, next minute I turn around Henry's in a headlock or something getting fucking punched hard So I knew I just had to run at this guy and just start swinging to stop it next minute I wake up and the hairdresser is like giving me a hand off the ground Really And my fucking jaw hurts like anything else ever could you talk I could talk at that point because I had adrenaline running Yeah, and then when we got home, I realized I'd been knocked out and I couldn't eat for two months and I Never ever went to the hairdressers again That is not how I remember the story my friend Yes Michael was on the dance floor. I can't remember your hairdressers without I don't know what they had to do with it Maybe just at the end, but you had some of these two dudes and you were in a in an argument I figure what about I can't remember. Oh, they didn't like the way me and Henry were dancing Yeah, so and and one of them was getting really aggressive with you Then I came over and and like stood over him and then his mate from the side I always get fucking kidding me from the side He just gets surprised it just comes and just fucking hits me so hard in the side of the head My tooth goes through my lip and then and then they start fighting with us And then Henry ran over and saved our asses and just started beating the shit out of both of them I think or no Henry was getting he was in trouble. That's when I saw him in the fight He was in like a headlock. So I had to run over. I tried to hit his dude next minute Same thing that happened to you. His mate must have come took me in the side and then I woke up to my hairdresser Fuck me. Oh shit. We'd always get fucking something would go wrong or fucking onto account to Anyway, that's fucking all awkward with the hairdressers Shit, what are their names? I don't remember but fuck one was really really You know yeah, my own Anyway, anyway Matt on this day Yeah, how'd you go? I did pretty I did really well this week. I think I believe I do notice I can see here the heading for one Diary entry so oh dude I cloud slipping up your notes. I'm pretty sure he's doing he must be doing this on purpose I don't know why because they've been what is your phone down? Did want to be a rider you said you want to do a fucking audio biography How is my diary downloading to that? I don't Matt wants to be a children's book writer So these diary entries might start making sense He's got his heart set on you know being a children's book author one day young kids or like teenagers Why did you look there? I Was got another dead bird out the front yeah, it's a dead bird what I Got a pool. It's like a little bird bar Dead but And the maggots are drowning, but they're still on there. It's cool We'll leave it for a few months, and then we might be able to use that water for something Yeah, like grow something. It's sort of like a little Experiment, you know I was always doing experiments green house gas and how we are you know how we are Matt He's typing. He's probably trying to delete his diary entry, but it's too late on this day in 1985 Chuck Norris is a pedophile spread the word fast No, is he really? Well, I don't know. It's just what it says here Okay, so everyone I guess Even if it's a rumor just started Chuck Norris is definitely a pedophile. All right spread the word tell people about this Hashtag Chuck Norris is probably a pedophile I'm on bad for him. I don't know On this day in 1989 Beyonce was seen herding cattle on a commercial beef farm She would run at them with her arms outstretched stomping her feet making a deep bellowing sound She was one of the best herders in the country and the bellowing sound actually strengthened her voice to a point Which you could sing beautifully Matt Brown to demonstrate the deep bellowing sound Oh Stage fright it's got it in brackets here that you wanted to do a deep bellowing sound Yeah, this is the sound that apparently that Beyonce would do to herd cattle and she would sort of stomp her feet What was it? Oh, I can't do it. Can we do it later? Oh fucking mate. Well, you're the one fucking writing these Matt So it's like don't write it then if you can't fucking do it on the spot make a sound Stop it. Okay. Yeah That wasn't a deep bellowing sound that but anyway On this day in 2006 diary entry number 527 from Matthew Gregory Brown No, no, no Her breathing was quite shallow I I Stood over and watched her chest slowly rising and falling Sweat ran down my forehead and into my eyes. It's It's stung terribly, but I did not dare take my eyes off of her not even to blink Oh, I quietly stepped back into my closet and slid my hand at my pants. My brown was pulsing with anticipation My eyes widened further as I began milking myself it wasn't It wasn't long before my thick legs started convulsing and my testicles tightened as my matte juice oozed out of my flesh stick Shame flooded my now trembling body and I snapped out of my fantasy I gave one last smile to my sleeping mother and headed back to my own bed Oh Would you read that? That is not Very good very very good Okay, last one on this day in 2005 Oprah Winfrey was photographed by paparazzi while she was out on a picnic She was seen consuming blocks of butter hole She would remove the wrapping from a block and tilt her head back She would then lower the block of butter into her mouth and then she would swallow it whole very similar to how a snake would eat So yeah, I thought that was pretty crazy like what the fuck who does that ha ha. Yeah, that's pretty cool I can see it. It's but it good or bad for you too much butter is definitely bad Yeah, I heard it's got good fats, doesn't it? Yeah, you got to get the right ones You know what I mean? You know what I mean like organic margarine Definitely not margarine, mate. I'm not used to say that that was the supplement for being healthy butter. Yeah I know it's fucking terrible. It's just bullshit life. It's all vegetable oil It brings the cholesterol in the fucking fucking fun. The nutrition pyramid. Yeah, that's changed. I mean fucking lying fuck wits They didn't know man. They knew they need sinus. I'll ask the fucking get down do the job properly Okay, he got me. All right, what else we got coming out of this podcast. We got some fucking PO unboxing shit We got the fucking German segment. We've got a fucking prank call. We got some crimes And we got questions Questions questions many paranormal UFOs Jackson and Locky were recently with Racker and they went to this fucking base near Rackers place Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'd like an hour out of Adelaide and like man They sent us some like some some little clips that they were filming some fucking crazy shit like that the radio and all of a sudden The radio would distort and this real crazy sounds. I should play it Oh, maybe they want to post it though. Yeah, leave it up to them, but we should check that out Yeah, keep an eye because I think they're making a video out of it. Maybe the audio is a fucking chase Did I get chased? I got chased. Locky got up to like a hundred and fucking fifty K's now to lose these guys What guys these guys just so chasing fucking men in black mate. Don't you know about that? That's hectic fucking oath brother. So we're gonna after a series. We're gonna go there for our alien doco I'm trying to have sex. Um, is this the the sort of thing that people go for in the moment like paranormal UFO stuff Cuz I think about a yeah, I was gonna say I watched it very good. I love watching that. He's ghost and alien shit It's fucking very hot very very hot. Hmm. He actually found aliens like the UFOs. They got evidence of them I also saw another doco world with that astro has one of the most paranormal like places in the world then So fucking open can't there's no fucking cities most of it can't so you can fucking see the counts I can't remember where it is But it's like I think it's in the harbor please comment if anyone knows this but um, I think there's like a really Haunted place in Sydney Jerusalem Jerusalem's in Israel, but comment comment if there's any really famously haunted or areas with heaps of alien Activity guys cuz we want to go visit him and we don't break the fuck we do have I came we came up with this vlog idea today for the website by the way No for social we're gonna do hide and seek in an abandoned haunted House ah something and the loser has to stay there on their own for the night. Oh fuck oh I don't know if I can do that Then don't lose you better not lose then my little baby boy. Don't touch me better not lose the battle bottle all right bring on the questions my brown Brown Diering truth to get out of control. You're a fool. Um, you lose Appreciate everyone putting in the questions. I am catching up with all of them They're getting stuck and up so fuck. Yes guys keep it coming Every comment supports us and helps us so like the video and then comment if you can't think of anything comment Just comment comment because then YouTube things on these guys like they're engaging They'd like it shows it to more people and then we get more viewers. Okay, so love it. Keep it coming guys Are you ready? First question is from Shane Wilson. If you two are wrestlers as in WWE wrestlers What would your entrance music be and what would your finishing move be one would be wrecking ball from Miley Cyrus and my finishing move would be a Javelin to the chest My one would be Uses just be that snake music that they play to get the Cobbles coil out of their basket And you'll find a strike and be like your teeth Your teeth fucking bottom the cunts right then that you lose the fight, but they get sick and die three months later can't bacterial infection can't Yeah, okay that fucking hell I'm gonna say like maybe like the Wiggles wake up Jeff And then I just throw the color purple at them at the end some paint or something maybe yeah, that could work as well I think maybe stick with a cobra thing though Next question is from stoner life. What is your favorite type of weed strand to smoke? I'm getting into the the hybrids at the moment the sativa and Indica Mixes a little bit. So it's like yeah, it just levels you out a little bit in the THC level not too high I like them a little bit now Michael They're weeding that thank you. I don't know why that word Actually we got rock high now My tongue starts extending that high Wish it came out like slapped your eyes I Like the ones like they're like 20% THC so it's not so intense so I find I can do activities on it Yeah, but I go through phases sometimes I just like to have the Indica's and just fucking chill on the couch at the end of the night. Yeah, I much prefer Sativa next question is from Tala Ahmad Ahmed If you guys had the option to have an extra body part, what would it be? I'd have another dick a backup dick. You can't really go wrong Or maybe another arm actually because then you can carry all of the groceries. You don't have to go back to the car Imagine if you had a dick Um, no a dumb here's your front dick and then you have a dick on your back at the top of your bum You could be in between two girls and each thrust back and forth and you could have sex twice Yeah, but you know you can't see what's going on behind you So you like you miss an outcome girls can't when they're getting dogged So it's just evening the balance of shit up. I feel like then you'd yeah, it's sounds like a lot of work Yeah, well no because you thrust back anyway So why not just have some another another girl there with you so your second dick ring ring worm Maybe I like a second neck as well as I extend the head Yeah, this neck length again on top of that and then you know Ten centimeters taller imagine having an elbow on your forehead And you could elbow people I'd have another heart Reminded me of the tin man From the Wizard of Oz Next question is from Next person from Jesse Jones Michael how much did it how much did it hurt getting absolutely smashed in the back of the head by a tennis ball and Marty how much fun was it hitting it? Tennis ball to the head is like one-tenth of having a fucking hockey ball hit at your leg Yeah tennis balls it is it can be incredibly painful where it hits you But it's okay because you know you can't die from a tennis ball, you know, you can't get knocked out It's just fucking horrific pain for a short period and then you're okay, and you have a little bruise there So it is as much fun as it looks hitting balls as hard as I can into his Next question is from Dababi a secret account What age do you think you will survive to oh man? I hope like 70 would be fucking great Do you I I'm just I'm just gonna say like I'd be I'd be really happy with like 85. Oh Mm-hmm Yeah, that's that's the goal. The goal is 85. Okay, 70 ain't bad. No. Yeah, I'll take 70 If someone says look we're gonna fucking guarantee you you can just sort of risk it But you got to really step up your game with health and you'll get to 85 or Look do what you want we guarantee 70. I'll take 70 Yeah, of course. Yeah, if you could do whatever you wanted fucking oh If you someone said you can do live however you want live to 70. Yeah, I'd be doing that next question is from I think it's the old go Moran Miranda What would you say your limits are in terms of pranks to each other? Is there anything you can't do? There was a limit, but that got broken hair cutting. Yes, as long as long as it doesn't like like Permanently disfigure the other Like permanent. Yeah, like you can you can disfigure the body just not the face Yeah, but like I mean permanently disfigure that if you if you burnt my body and gave me third-degree burns That's that's crossing the line Because I'm permanently disfigured if the Oh It was so good because the timing of you saying it So it turns out there are no boundaries we ain't got no lads. We're fucking doing a charity giveaway for Bloody turning point right and we're giving away $5,000 worth of entertainment system is a PS 5 There's a fucking huge fuck off TV in a soundbar So if you want to enter you just got to buy a $5 raffle ticket, right? The links in our bio links in our bio on Instagram and we there's a post on our Facebook feed as well And it's just $5 raffle proceeds go to a charity And we'll probably be doing a lot more of these but the reason that reminded me of that is when we post to Facebook There are so many like so many fuckwits. Yeah, dude There's it's a sick disgusting world. Yeah, it's so much like hate on a fucking charity giveaway Oh, it's not really giveaways it because we have to pay for raffle tickets You have to do something every giveaway that is done on social media whether it be tag friends Share a post to your story or whatever. You're always giving something in exchange for Being entered into the giveaway. So yeah, it's not focused on the wording and focus on the end goal Which is to make some money for fucking charity Yeah, amen and also people who complained about the there was one dude who complained about the TV He said dude. I bought that TV and I hate it Fuck who cares? It's a fucking huge brand new TV. It's massive. It's like with the PS5 and the soundbar It's valued at what over 5k or five grand roughly. I think just under $5,000 and that's the other thing For green it's it's fucking there's some guys like I hope I win so that I can Expose you guys and and sell all the shit. We the PS5s are so hard to get we had to pay like double what what they're actually worth and The fucking TV's like two grand alone or something. Anyway fucking there you go. We hate that shit Next question. I hate cleaning fucking clean clean. I know that's I hate it And cooking can get fucked as well. Yeah, I'm with you on that. Oh and rocks From with rocks kicky foot on him dude James would be so upset if you heard you say rocks a little once Okay, which brings us to our next segment the Po box on Where we open we do it early. Okay. I want to get usually later in the podcast I want to I want to see what's in this shit, but let's do it Where you guys send a shit and we open it live on the podcast There's the podcast address right the po box address right there if you want to send shit We'll open anything. We'll fucking give you some promo. We just like fucking opening shit, man Oh, what do we got here? Oh, all right. I'm okay. It's a package. All right Doesn't say who from alphabet city hats. I'm gonna Excuse me. I'm just gonna remove these hats put this one on. Yeah, thank you to whoever sent that in It's lovely. Always thinking about our skin Skin cancers. Oh look, we got fucking stickers. All right. Well, fuck yeah, man. Put them on Who is it? Snoop Dogg and some what is this from this little package alphabet city? Yeah, I don't know how to open it. It's too hard. Matt. Do you want to open this? It's from, um, Uh, Malaysia, right? I think oh county ma jinsen industrial park. All righty We have a letter here sender daisy the mookow. Thanks for the laughs. Thanks for the fun times moo All right, let's have a look what we got here, right? It's a pokemon card mat Hmm is that good one? Yeah, it's a charizard Someone sent us a charizard. It looks like a charizard. No, that's a moomoo molt. So it's some cow thing Oh, sorry. I saw the bit on the back. We have someone has sent us a moomoo molt pokemon card Matt, can you google how much this is worth? Um, I could try. I might take me some time. I'll come back to you Okay, so uh as long as this pokemon is in your active pokemon whenever you attach an energy card from your hand to one of your pokemon Heal 90 damage from that pokemon. So it's a healing. It's a healing pokemon As the cow is I'd fuck that thing to pieces, but it's very nice. Thank you Yeah, it's the first pokemon card I've ever owned since I was a little boy Very good. We'll put that one in the safety deposit bank. Someone has sent us a human tongue No, it's not a real tongue. Dude, it feels exactly like a human tongue. It's made in china, man It's probably got fucking corona virus all over it. Oh google where I was from Yeah, it's a fake tongue. That's still cool. Thank you. All right. Well, um, shall we put that down on the on the play? Oh, sorry about me. We could do something with that in public. Anyway Thank you guys for sending that student. We got some more pure box and we're saving it for next week And we got some more shit coming. So fuck keep sending this shit guys. It's fucking lovely, man A segment he's out of control. Yeah, we've got a few packages Do that with me man. Come on. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Let's lift the roof, brother His hat is really uh Yeah, not wearing it right It looks cool though. It is time for fucking Let's read some fucking crimes that our followers have sent in. Let's read some crimes. You guys are all fucking criminals Let's read some of these horrific crimes. You guys are done and still walking the streets like everything's normal All right, we got crimes. We got paranormal stories all in one bundle of fuck. All right Get ready. Michael is going to attempt to read I'm 16 and I've been getting into some shit Me and my mate wanted to fuck around some nights. So we decided to go urching Where you go around to cars try open and steal their belongings We went urching for a couple of hours and stole about five dollars the next day cops suddenly show up at mine And my mates houses They told us to hand ourselves in so the next day We get really fucking high and handed ourselves in this happened about a week ago So thanks for the great content getting me through grounding Well, first of all, very good. Michael is smooth. Yeah, you've improved you've been practicing There was no thens in that Yeah, all in you well done the way you said that there's no thens in that I'm questioning that word urching. I'm pretty sure that means something sexual Dude, that's kind of we wouldn't ever try and yeah, fuck like that's strange to just try and steal man They got five dollars. It works. Yeah, well, we did I did that was in Promise we're trying to open up just open up cars. I've said are you are you serious not brown? I used to go to the same car on this one street when we'd sneak out egging. I've said this before and I'd shit in my hand Underneath the same cars Door handles. Oh my god. So like probably fucking five times in like three years this one car We shit under the handles That is fucked man. That would be such a shit way to stay day. You're fucking all Spritely heading to work Go to open your car door and then there's fucking shit all over your fingers human shit They definitely wouldn't have thought that that was human shit They probably would have thought it was just some foreign dog shit or something And they would suspect someone that they don't like and then that would make them resent that person more because they Can't prove it and then that could lead them to murder Yeah, fuck. I caused the murder potentially. What was their address? six Number six That's the name fake ID wanted to go into a club, but they saw that it was fake So the police came and gave me a warning. Sorry for my bad English That happened to Michael. I had that happen when I was you try to use an idea of a friend of ours It looked nothing like him the bouncer saw and was like, I'm gonna have you fucking I'm gonna have you find now. I can't yeah Cops came and he had to pay like a 500 dollar fine or something $500 back in the day when you are like 17 is so Did your parents find out? No, I had to I used my Woolworth money. Yeah That was very funny. Very very funny. That was I was like my underage drinking fine. My parents didn't know Oh, yeah, I got I got done for a couple of times for drinking in the street Yeah, and um, it's too underage and and they got sent to my house and I remember I was so fucking on it Yeah, me too. So whenever the mail came he'd be like, yeah, oh, man. It was terrible. That's stressful. Oh, man Damn, baby. I was nearly crunched. Were you a bad boy brown? A little bit, but um How Fucking kill Okay Took a piss on the hotel lounge carpet. No regrets Marty I we both have taken some pisses in some different spots It used to be real bad like I don't condone this this is disgusting behavior, but it's pretty back even back It started at schoolies with me and Henry Oh, we just it was like a cream carpet and we didn't go to the toilet We just pissed wherever we were whenever we went traveling Every time we went into our new hotel or hostel or fucking room Marty would go straight to the corner of the room and start pissing everywhere Well, you got a marky territory or something like that man I stayed in a room in a hostel room with him in um early beach and we walked in there and I said I'm going to the toilet. I went to the toilet. I came back out and he was pissing on the carpet I'm like like there's like a square carpet that just the bed just covered over and he was like pissing right on the corner of it It's quite frustrating It's fun. Yeah, so I respect to that dude pissing on the carpet. Yeah, I guess Okay Invaded an abandoned military hospital. See this is what I want. I want to do that too. Where? That's all he said and he had sex in a cinema. Where's the weirdest place you effed? Lifeguard tower gulkers mum was in primary school in like year two Your uncle had you by the throat parentage interviews A church car park A church car park. What'd you say? Lifeguard tower. Oh, you're so you're so bay watch All right next one The worst crime that I've ever committed when I was a teenager my best friend's grandmother was dating a guy bullshit We found out that he had over 30 grand in a shoebox in his back shed So we figured we'd steal it In the middle of the night Me my best friend and another friend all parked the car about a mile away and walked to the shed Cut the padlock off and the door and made our way into the shed We searched for about 30 minutes when my best friend found the box We peeked in and saw the cash made our way back to the car and drove to my house where we counted the money It was only three and a half thousand dollars And a few pieces of jewelry So we split it in three ways and never told anyone. Oh my god So is that a sort of this stolen from a family member? No, it's just the fucking dude that the grandmother was fucking Uh, okay. Yeah, that's oh, okay If it could imagine Klaus You'd steal from that can't next one stole the car then realized it belonged to police officers So then set fire to hide any dna if that's true That's like there's some fucking crazy shit going on People have done some crazy shit and don't get caught for it. I'm starting to think maybe people just more often than not Don't get caught for shit. Dude. Let's go fucking do something. It's just probation. Anyway, three months We worked that out two weeks ago in fucking high school. You just get you just go meet up with mates and just do Illegal shit. Yeah, it was like the fun thing We should do that soon man. The amount of like, um, get back into it You know when people like these to like be building buildings like Like buildings and high rises and stuff and you'd sneak in there with your mates and you'd spend like hours climbing up These towers. Yeah, I wouldn't do that. I seen that shit on youtube. That's so crazy Not that high hanging off like cranes and yeah, not that high but like, you know, we we're into building sites And you find heaps of shit. That's dangerous man. Sorry got done trafficking drugs in wood for jail here on the coast Well, like trying to bring drugs into the jail Someone who's got caught finally Yeah, is wood for jail a maximum security prison. I'm pretty sure It would be I heard julian was saying that people try and smuggle them in with drones at the moment Yeah, because they can't visit man like it's like how do they get the drugs in you think you get searched everywhere I'd a friend go to jail a few years back and he said there's who felt there was more drugs in the prison system There wasn't a street. That was crazy. There must be some fucking. Yeah, like be okay with it You know, you just sort of pay the guard off a bit Or suck his dick and then you're allowed to have a bit of heroin coming And I've heard stories about the the farm jails ones without any fences like there's some real interesting like Stuff going on there. Maybe we should go. Let's do like a jail doc Go to the jail. It's not a good go to the jails and you'd be wearing like a really tight little mini skirt See if you can get fucked in jail. No, I'll see how much you can like really work the boys up Yeah, and you do like in high heels with lipstick on and yeah, we could do that at an actual jail with a fence I'd do that If they remember you and you they got out Fuck you senseless I can dig all the way up here Anus all right last one when I was 18 and needed money in New Zealand a friend offered Me a job to go steal some weed plants from public reserve We headed out at night with balaclavas and knives and a duffle bag. We crawled through Gorse bushes course Gorse it says might be a typo And found nine fully grown plants the fuck is that doing on a public reserve? Man, how did they know this is how this is how it happens, man We cut them down and bagged them As we were crawling back through the bushes. We noticed some people coming out the back of the house and facing toward us They couldn't see us because it was dark and we were in the bushes But we could see them in their mongrel mob patched vests So they're bikies turns out it wasn't a reserve it was mongrel mob property that we robbed We got the fuck out of there and harvested the plants I started selling weed and ended up selling half of it back to the mongrel mob. Don't give my name to anyone Oh, that sounds legit. That's fucking terrifying. Oh, oh man. You'd think you'd be just fucking You'd you'd fucking Leave the plants there, but they they took them. Yeah, well, they've already fucking cut the plants Yeah, it's scary, man. That's fucking crazy, man. The mongrel is fucking crazy. Shit, baby. They kill people, baby Oh, this one's fucked up If this is real a girlfriend's neighbor's dog barked every night for three years one day I was over there got too smashed So I got the chihuahua and snapped its neck. Oh no more barking anonymous, please Oh my god, that is that is true. I could not kill the dog. Are you Hercules? I could maybe kill that. I could definitely fucking hit a dog. I'd kick it away And just be like shut up. Teach it. No, don't just end its life. Yeah I could I look Hercules in the eyes and I'd just And then put your thumbs in them Yeah, okay. I can't kick Hercules. I'd think about kicking him. Well, we haven't lived there for a while. The rage has simmered It was a very frustrating dog, but more frustrating was his Fucking owner. Yeah, the thing like go get your thing. She'd wait for us to say something and then she'd fucking get up Oh her voice That's not the dog wouldn't listen to her at all. She had to come and physically waddle out and pick it up and take it inside Fucking bitch Yeah All right, that's done Dodge dodge dodge. This is a segment where I read out Really normal, uh, German sayings as if I'm in a casual conversation with a fellow German And that apparently is entertaining disgusted to you racist dogs Hey, I'm not the only one that thinks it Isklobe mein Schwein pfeift Isklobe mein Schwein pfeift Mein Schwein watch my mouth Isklobe mein Schwein pfeift. He spat on me from there. He got on my upper thigh Feels like Mein Schwein pfeift Mein Schwein pfeift watch my lips and tongue specifically Isklobe mein Schwein pfeift Dude that is there is some fuck shit going on at the end. That is spellbound witchcraft You are an occultist Mein spout which means I think my pig is whistling which means Um blow me down What I don't know if it means that but there you go That's what it means. Literally. I think my pig is whistling Don't you dare I want to make the German funny. By the way guys, we're launching our Uh, weed website soon and we'll be selling these packs. They're the best fucking packs you can you get I can take it anywhere and get high so follow our instagram account marty and michael underscore mm, right? It's a new little account, right? If I can just wait it's gonna get far crazy next one Oh Oh sounds like lasagna As to son Which means that is first cream Fuck oh, which is what you say when you're trying to say wow, that's great That's first cream. That is as to son You would say that's fucked up I enjoyed it And that is how Germans communicate to each other all right in there three that we do or two All right, this is a short but sweet one. I don't even know this first word. All right Fucking ropes Really different like half pirate which means sponge over it which means let's forget about it So if you're like, uh, don't what are you trying to say? Oh, man. Yeah, you fucking push that woman into a rose bush Forget about it How do you do that and that is the end of the fucking german segment which brings us to our next segment We've got a fucking hurry on how long we've been going from that. We're just over now Quick update so shane warn hasn't read our dms yet. I saw some people commenting on his latest post. Thank you But now we now our attention has switched to his son I know you're hurting feels like you're learning Um, his son what's his fucking son called again come shane jackson jackson shane webki Jackson so Okay, we are now targeting his son as much small following his younger. He's more active on social media his names Sorry to cut you off, but do you want to Use his son to get to shane. Hello. Okay, cool. We use the son. So right right right right jackson warn 18 All right, that's his instagram handle. I need you guys to go and let him know what's going on. All right All right, we need to again just comment on his latest post Check martin michael dms and then hopefully he'll read it and then i'll explain him what we want And then he can tell his father, but i doubt he's gonna go for it. This one might take a while He's papa. Yeah, sometimes it's not gonna happen But we want to know if shane warn can still spin Because we're just checking we're just checking if you can all right the king of spin checking All right, that brings us to our final segment a very very powerful segment I'll be Arnold fine Hey, i'm uh, you miss speaker with the greg a fair clock Ha ha ha ha ha ha What the fuck was that my speaker with greg a fair clock? Who was by speak with her You're not talking to greg faircraft. Why are you a mock at me? What do you want Papa Giuseppe? You uh, your dog your dog a sheet on my lawn I see you make me some pizza or something. I see you shit your dog shit on my lawn every day And yeah, you uh, you keep walking and then don't even clean it up and i've pick out I have fresh pick out the back And they come for walks and stand all through the old dog seat, huh? Yeah, see if it's ready Bentley I do not know a Bentley. You do stop your dog from cheating on my lawn. Otherwise, I Come come your house and Chop up your lawn Yeah, probably you there. Yeah, I you finish now when you speak to me Yeah, let's hear it Your dog. I have seen your dog. You have a dog. Yes What? You have a dog A dog a barking dog Yes, you have a dog I see I see on my House camera your dog you do pull on my lawn Get going mate. I'm gonna come and do a shit on your lawn No, you that day you had to do sit on your lawn. I sit on your wife We'll get everyone to come fucking do a shit on your wife On her breast Papa Giuseppe you little bitch I find where you live Greg and I sit on your wife Delicates the cow. Oh, I've got him so good What what's the point in this goal? Are you gonna talk probably or just a fuck with? You'll break my spirit Your dog I'm gonna go. What do you want? I just want to say, uh, please pick up your dog. She's from my lawn Oh Okay, Greg, uh, see you papa. See you later. Okay I love the wife bit A shit on your wife. I don't know if that's good enough. Oh, dude. There's hitting misses. It's so fucking it shows how real This is all right guys. Just so you know, we haven't put put this in but yeah We call like 10 different people none of them answered Um, so it sort of fucked us up a bit. Um, and then that's the it's so late now We've got to fucking get going guys that shows how real this is Fuck I feel I feel shit. I feel shit whenever the prank called fucking I had a good time as long as I'm fine is next to me. I'm happy a guy just wasn't piss offable Yeah, I know he he was he fucking thought you were such a joke I'm fine. He's a fucking joke. He has no respect Yeah, he's just no respect for me. He was paying out how you said dog How do you say to me when you're Doc Doc Maybe we should keep ringing him Until he gets angry it's a different fucking characters. Anyway, fuck shit prank call But there you go. These things happen. Um, we're gonna try and plan ahead a little bit So just in case no one's answering their fucking phones because we have to call off a private number So no one like one in 10 people answer So we're gonna try and have to think of some shit Where where we call businesses and they definitely will have to answer. You know what I mean? Anyway, um, we fucking stay with it. Stay strong be real get down bring it up Swirl around put in the bin And we are the best We're the best we're the best Do you understand? We are seriously Like that that is high high quality. We are up here. No one Everyone else is like under the table Bigger than all the planets put together. Do you understand that matt? You Our toe is bigger than you. You're part of this. All right, you get that right You are you're like a section in the best. We are like the best and you You're you're hooked on the side there on our little rocket ship You're like in the liver up to super stardom. Do you understand? We're fueled by people And the more people we get the faster our rocket ship explodes through the stratosphere Head and straight for the sun. We're so red hot We're the best I guess that's what we're trying to say. Yeah, I'm gonna try and eat this tongue Tongue bum anyway Yeah, you get it. We're the best