 وَأَقُولُ فِي القُرْعَانِ مَا جَاءَتْ بِيهِ آياتُهُ فَهُوَ الْكَارِيمُ المُنزَالُ وَأَقُولُ قَالَ اللَّهُ جَلَّ جَلَالُهُ وَالْمُصْطَافَ الْهَاديِ وَلَا أَتْ أَوْوَالُ A family is refusing to accept a marriage proposal because of ethnicity. What should the man do? الحمد لله رب العالمين والصلاة والسلام على ابت الله ورسوله النبينا محمد وعلى آله وصحبه أجمعي. So when it comes to issues of ethnicity as a reason to reject a proposal we need to distinguish between two cases. And I think this is a little difficult to say but when you understand it you realize why it is said. So the first case is where there is a genuine fear of a lack of compatibility. And we spoke about compatibility at length during the course. We said that Allah ﷻ said that Allah ﷻ told us ومن آياته ونخلق لكم من أنفسكم أزواجاً لتسكنوا إليها. We said to help them one of the things that we take from this ayah is the need for there to be compatibility between the spouses. And Allah ﷻ told us يا أيها الناس إنا خلقناكم من ذكر وأنثة وجعلناكم شعوباً وقبائلة لتعرفوا إن أكرمكم عند الله أتقاكم. Allah ﷻ said oh people oh mankind we have made you from male and female and made you into tribes and nations so that you may know one another. So one of the benefits of these different ethnicities and different sort of places that we come from and different cultures that we come from is that you feel a closeness and an affinity to a group of people and you get to know each other and you kind of feel comfortable with one another. So there are cases there are cases where it could be genuine and it wouldn't be fair for me to say in every situation that the parent has no right to say this. There can be situations where there's a genuine fear of a lack of compatibility and it doesn't have to be just ethnicity. For example you could have someone from a particular ethnic background who is looking to marry someone from the country that their parents came from for example. And it might be that there's just as much of a lack of compatibility there because that person has remained the person living in that country has remained upon the tradition and the cultures of that country and the person who was brought up in another country has adopted some of their traditions and cultures. So this could be a problem in many different aspects. It's not just one of ethnicity or different ethnicities. It could be an issue that there is a genuine fear that the two will not be compatible. And there were even matters that happened between the Sahaba, between the Mohajireen and the Ansar. And they were of the same ethnicity. But even that gap of 400 km could cause a matter of incompatibility in terms of between the husband and the wife in terms of expectations. However it doesn't have to be the case and where we should oppose this is the basic concept that ethnicity should be or is always an issue of compatibility and it's not as we know. There is no reason in Islam why couples from different ethnicities should not marry one another as long as there is no fear over compatibility. So what matters is compatibility not ethnicity. So if the family refusing this proposal is refusing it simply because of ethnicity this is completely wrong. But if what they mean by ethnicity is compatibility that we just think that these two are not going to be compatible. Their expectations are not going to be the same. The way that their culture is is not going to be the same and it's going to cause marital discord and arguments. That could be a valid reason but what isn't a valid reason is racism and that can never ever be a valid reason. However we have another dimension to look at and that is the statement of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم لا نكاح إلا بي ولي أو كما قال صلى الله عليه وسلم that there is no nikah unless there is a guardian. Now the first point of call should be to engage with the wali and to try to convince the wali and show that there is no nikah unless there is a guardian. And that doesn't have to be done by the individual, by the prospective groom. It could be done by their family members. It could be approached through a third party who is respected by both sides. A person of knowledge for example. And that person should go and try to explain and try to educate them. And remove from them this characteristic of جاهلية. This characteristic of the pre-islamic times. And try to educate them and help them through that. And that should always be the first option before we go with the more severe options and before we take the matter to an Islamic court. The option always option number one should be to engage with the wali and to try to make the wali understand. Because it is ignorance. And ignorance can be cured by the permission of الله عز و جل through educating people through making dua for them. And through being patient with them. They can be educated out of these ignorant beliefs and these ignorant actions. However, what do you do if that doesn't work? If despite all the efforts, the engagement with the wali, it's not. You know, it's not going anywhere. And they're not leaving this situation of ignorance. Then you have two options. And both of those options have to be given consideration. And it's not right for us to only put forward one option and not give the other. So the two options are very simple. The first option is to continue to fight for this marriage. To go ahead. If necessary, taking the matter to a judge or the person in the position of an Islamic judge. And to complain about something we call العضل. Which is preventing a woman from getting married. Her wali preventing her from getting married. Because ultimately the wali doesn't want to get married. A woman from getting married. Her wali preventing her from getting married. Because ultimately the wali is there to help the woman. And to support her and to protect her. He's not there to stop her and cause problems for her and make difficulties for her. So she has a remedy. She goes to the judge. She makes a complaint to the judge or the person in the position of a judge. And she requests that the judge remove her father's right to decide who she gets married to. And give it to somebody else. She can't just choose on her own. But he gives it to somebody else. So he might take it on board himself as the judge. He might give it to another family member. This is a matter for the judge to decide based on the facts of the case. Go to the person in position of a judge. And ask the judge to take steps. The first step might be that the judge will just engage with the wali. And discuss with them. And try to convince them. But ultimately the final step might be that the judge removes the right of the wali. To decide who that girl gets married to. But when I say this. Please understand that this has very serious consequences. And it can have a profound impact upon people. I've seen this happen. And I've seen judges give this ruling. And I've seen them marry the two people who wanted to get married. And no doubt. The end result of that is very likely a complete breakdown of the family relationship. Between that woman and between her parents. And sometimes it's temporary and they come back around to it. But there are other times when it can be permanent and lasting. And so it's not right for a person to simply just embark on that without thinking about what the consequences might be. Because ultimately that's a part of maturity. It's not just about I've got to just cause. And I'm going to see it right through to the end. Ultimately that might work in a novel or a movie. But in real life you have to think about the consequences of your actions. And you have to think about whether you're going to create a greater evil. Than the one that you're trying to stop. So ultimately I would definitely say that a person has to engage with the welly. I would definitely say to involve other people who can convince the welly. But finally I think that a person has to make a decision. Am I going to take this all the way and push it all the way To the point that I'll go to a judge. Even if it means that she's cut off from her family forever. Or am I going to let this one go and say like the Prophet ﷺ said That Hafsa will marry someone better than Earthman. And Earthman will marry someone better than Hafsa. Because ultimately it's not the case that there's only one person You can marry in the whole world at the end of the day. Even if we take this that it's a cause of racism. And that it's just a racist decision on behalf of the welly. Is it then the case that the husband to be the groom to be Wants to live the rest of his life fighting with a racist family. For example. That's also something to think about. We have to be mature about these things. And think about is it really worth it. I've counseled so many people in this situation. And ultimately all of them will tell you that I sat them down generally speaking Or I emailed them whatever the conversation was. And I said to them that you have to decide is it worth it. Because there are big big consequences. Really big consequences. For taking it to that extra step. The step is there the option is there. But ultimately you have to decide is it really worth it or not. And that is a big decision to make. And it requires a lot of asking advice. And so on. Before the person makes that decision. To take it to the level of the judge. And I want to conclude with a very important point. Which is what we've seen in this. A lot of these cases is. In a lot of these cases. The couple themselves. Who want to marry. Are blame worthy. And are not blame less at all. And that is because in many cases. The way they met. And the way that they're continuing to. Converse with each other. And mix with each other. And see each other. Goes completely in opposition to. The laws of Islam. And sometimes it's accused. As being racism for example. Or tribalism or something like that. And when you actually delve into it. You see. That those two people met each other. Without proper Islamic guidelines. They were conducting. Sort of discussions with each other. Without the welly. And then. You know. Okay. Maybe the welly has issues. In terms of. Aspects of. Whatever it might be. Within their belief. But ultimately. What's really upset. The welly is the way. That they went about it. And so. You know. A lot of people come and say. You know. There's this girl I want to marry. But you know. The father doesn't let me marry. Because. I'm of a different race. I'm of a different ethnicity. And he said. That will never happen. Or even a different tribe. Or a different city. Or a different family. Or whatever. And he said. He will never let that happen. But when you delve into the issue. In detail. You actually find that. The way. That those two. Have been conducting themselves. Is absolutely against. The laws. And the rules of Islam. You can't. Kind of claim. To. The moral high ground. If you're not. Behaving in a way. That is appropriate. And so. We have to say that. Also. And of course. They're. These issues are not. Easy to answer. And really. Once we've given a. Generic answer. There are. Aspects of it. Which are. Aspects of. The aspect of. Judgment. And they need. Really a judge. To look at it. And they need. People to advise. Or a person. To. Advise. Each party. And to look at the situation. Because everyone has. You know. Their. Their case. To put forward. And somebody needs to look at all of that. And to sort it all out. And to determine. Where the fault lies. And to try and bring about. Rectification. By the permission. Of Allah. And Allah is our general's best. السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته. How can you do. A two second action. Right now. That will give you a share of the. Everything we're doing. On this YouTube channel. Simple. Like this video. And click subscribe. Why. It will allow YouTube. To recommend our videos. To other users. And imagine. The huge amount of reward. That could be waiting for you. On the day of judgment. If you did that. With a sincere intention. Of spreading. The Dean of Allah. You'll be rewarded. For every single person. Who benefits. From one of our videos. As a result. Of your like. Or subscribe. That's an easy. Two second action. That you definitely. Don't want to miss out on. Do it now. Click like. And subscribe. And don't forget. To make that intention.