 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley at JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today. Our topic, the five signs he's about to break up with you and how to avoid it. All right, really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if any time during this video, the content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Really quickly, my coaching is what I call heart-centered radical honesty. It's direct, a little tough love and a lot of heart. And occasionally I use expletives to enhance the sentence. So if an F-bomb or two isn't your cup of tea, I suggest logging off right now. Lastly, these are my thoughts, my perceptions, my opinions, by no means do I suggest I'm speaking the truth. You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a contrarian, so my advice goes contrary to public opinion and traditional expectations. And lastly, this channel is for those who are actually seeking fully committed relationship, those who are seeking partnership. I'm not here to talk about casual relationships, situationships, or friends with benefits or anything like that. So my advice tends to be a little more, maybe puritan than others. All right, let's jump into those five signs he's about to break up with you. So before I was preparing for this broadcast, I was actually thinking about when I went through my divorce and for those who don't know, I was married in my late 20s, was married for 12 years, got a divorce, had two children, about a decade and a half ago. And I remember when I was going through my divorce, I actually, and this relates to breakup, if you will, I remember being in family court, family court. We actually had to go to family court one. By the way, you might think of it as divorce courts, but this was called family court. And family court is where you settle your disputes when you're going, whether it's child custody or alimony, all those different types of things. And when we got to the courthouse, we were supposed to be there at 8 a.m. with our respective attorneys. And they don't tell you, and by the way, there were four other couples there and they don't tell you what order you're going to be in until you actually get there at eight in the morning. So you could be the first docket or you could be the fifth docket before their afternoon session. And we happen to be the fourth docket of the five. So I remember, so I'm sitting there listening to three other couples share their experiences in their marriage and what they were seeking and everything, it was very adversarial. They were, I mean, it was amazing how they were practically coming to blows with one another. I mean, it was very adversarial. And I thought to myself, and I'm listening to the different reasons, whether there was infidelity in one, there was money issues in the other or just plain old fashioned, they just couldn't stand each other and they wanted a divorce. I was thinking to myself, wouldn't it be great if couples before they got married actually had to spend a day in divorce court to actually think of what causes breakups? What causes breakups? Because I got to tell you something, I got married so naively. I remember we were supposed to do some couples counseling before we got married and my wife and I, or then my fiance and I were like, oh, we don't need any of that. We just love each other. It's just gonna magically work out. Well, we have learned that magic fairy desk doesn't make a relationship work out. So what I found interesting and what I thought about and why I'm sharing this with you today is imagine if you can reverse engineer. You could reverse engineer a relationship before it reaches a breakup. Like how can we actually be more intentional? How can we be more thoughtful? How can we be more conscious in the process in a way instead of this cavalier approach almost everybody is doing today in the dating realm? And I got to tell you, it is an extremely dysfunctional dating marketplace today. I mean, it's extremely dysfunctional between the swipe applications between, I mean, gosh, you know, when I was getting married, there was no such thing as cat fishing. There was no such thing as Nigerian scam artists. There was no such thing as ghosting back then used to be, you gave your, you went met someone at a bar, they gave you the false phone number. Someone, you know, they gave you a bad phone number. That was ghosting back then. Now ghosting is considered emotional abuse. And there was no things called friends with benefits when I was growing up, they used to be just picking up chicks at a bar and getting laid and never seeing them again. That's what it used to be. I'm laughing, but that's kind of the way it was. And so the world has changed so much in the last 30, 40 years for those of us who are either Gen Xers or Baby Boomers compared to what they're dealing with today. And it is incredibly dysfunctional partially because of these swipe applications, this ability to have this perceived, this perceived smorgasbord of people, it's no wonder people are treating each other as disposable. And oh my gosh, do you know when I was growing up, never, we never heard the term narcissists, narcissists, narcissism, all this narcissism, narcissism, narcissism, narcissism. We never heard about this stuff when I was growing up. Now every single dating or relationship podcast is out there talking about narcissism, narcissism, narcissism. Well, back when I was growing up, that used to just be called good old fashioned selfishness. Good old fashioned selfishness. But now there's a label to it. And now people are spending all their time studying narcissists, so they avoid the narcissist. I mean, I gotta tell you, if you're constantly hearing the word, it's going to be what you attract. I gotta tell you something, if you're following these sites and these channels and these podcasts, you're just going to attract more of what you don't want. So I'm a little worried that even my podcast, my channel is a little bit of an alarmist. And it's like, I'm sorry, one of you recently said to me, Jonathan, you're like the parent telling us, and it's interesting, because it's piggybacking what I've said. I'm like the parent telling you don't touch fire. And so I'm just drawing attention, kind of reverse engineering, so you don't end up in a breakup. You don't end up with someone that's gonna break up with you, because you want to avoid that even before it happens. So while today we're gonna lean into those five signs that someone's about to break up with you, I also am gonna talk about the important need to avoid it before it ever happens, to avoid it before it ever happens. So I'm gonna put on my trusty glasses. My printer isn't working, so we're just gonna have to do it the old fashioned way. I emailed myself the answer. So here's the five signs he's gonna break up with you and how to avoid it. I realized I forgot to mention one of the primary, okay, I'm gonna go into it, but give me a quick second, because if you're not familiar with the work of John Gottman, John and Julie Gottman, he talks about the four horsemen of the apocalypse in relationship. And that's criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. I'm gonna repeat that. Criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. Those are the four things that oftentimes creates the breakups. Those are the things that creates breakups. I know we get so hung up on the term narcissist and all this other stuff, but those are the reasons when we treat people without, and by the way, ladies, you are just as equally guilty of this as men. I know you love throwing men under the bus. I know you love throwing men under the bus. I gotta tell you something, women are just as bad in their relationship skills as men. Let me just say this, women are just as bad in their relationship skills. And if you're not familiar with my emotional maturity relationship skills chart, by the way, emotional maturity relationship chart, this is not a fact, this is an opinion, but I believe roughly 20% of the population has clinical issues, clinical issues. And then about 20% are emotionally healthy. I'm being generous because most everybody is dysfunctional and why are people dysfunctional? Because there are unhealed childhood wounds and traumas, unhealed childhood wounds and traumas that makes them dysfunctional in the relationship. So they operate from a place of criticism or insulting someone. They operate from a place of contempt. In other words, they're bedding better than someone. They're operating from a place of stonewalling, meaning they're avoiding, avoiding, avoiding the conflicts that are gonna happen or they're defensive because the minute you trigger someone it's natural to get angry. I recently got angry at the manager at our complex here because of something so ridiculous. And I jumped, I literally jumped on their case. And about two minutes later, I'm like, what the fuck did I just do? It's because I was raised this way. Many of us were raised with dysfunctionality. So if you're not familiar with the work of the Hoffman process, the Hoffman process, I invite you to do a deep dive into healing your childhood wounds and traumas that cause those negative patterns and limiting beliefs in your life that causes you to create the breakup. By the way, you lady, listen, my audience is women and I beg on men a lot but I'm gonna beg on you guys as well. You're just as bad at this. You act like such pre-Madonna's in your relationship skills. You're not any better. You might be, listen, the fact that you want commitment a little bit more than men, somehow it has created this martyr type of personality within so many of you. You act like such fucking martyrs blaming men. And let me tell you something. There's a lot of reason to blame men because they're fucking clueless. Nobody, very few people studies this stuff and listen. In the dating realm, we are meeting total strangers. We're meeting total strangers. It's so no, so no wonder. It's a dysfunctional dating process out there. If you're not familiar with the book, Total Stranger, Talking to Strangers by Malcolm Gladwell. What you should know about the people you don't know. Guess what? It takes time to get to know someone. It takes a hundred hours of face-to-face time just to get to the first layer of trust. But boy, you ladies, listen, you women will sleep with men so quickly and then you wonder why they disappear. Now, cause and effect. Men are just, this is not blaming men. This is not blaming women. I'm inviting you to look at yourself. This is don't look at the gender. Look at your own behavior. Now I know some of you think you're better than at all. I get it, you think that way. But the problem is, is because many of you just don't know the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship. And folks, if you're not familiar with my rhetoric before the penis goes inside the vagina, you should be reading the book Eight Dates by Drs. John and Julie Gottman because this is how you're gonna avoid breakups. And by the way, recently on one of the broadcasts here, a woman said, Jonathan, I purchased the book and the guy I'm with now dating is loving it. Because it's a roadmap to avoid the breakups. It's the roadmap to avoid the breakups. All right, since I talked about this five signs, let's just jump into it because it doesn't matter. You know what? Honestly, does this stuff really matter? Do you wanna know what signs? It's simple. He starts to avoid you. It's done slowly, but he starts to avoid you. That's, listen, it may not seem obvious, but it is obvious. Everything I'm saying here might not seem obvious because many of you are so wrapped up in the whole fantasy of a relationship instead of really being practical about it. But Jonathan, I'm just supposed to sit back in my feminine energy and let the man lead. Look it. You wouldn't be following this channel if sitting in your feminine energy is actually working. Okay? Now, let me be clear. I was having a conversation with a client this morning. There's such a misconception. She told me, you know, in her dating practice, you know, she acts what she thinks is aggressive and controlling and she called that masculine. I'm like, that's not masculine. That's just simply bad behavior. Do you know what's good behavior? Being patient. Listening, but that's not feminine behavior either. We gotta throw out the gender rhetoric because that's what's fucking it up for so many of you. If you wanna throw out the gender bullshit, read the book if the Buddha dated, if the Buddha dated. By the way, there's a link below to all my books I recommend. By the way, I will be updating the website. I apologize for that. This gets to the heart of how do you get to the heart-centered area of a relationship and not the bullshit gender rhetoric? So, he's gonna just start pulling back a little by little by little. That's what people do when they lose interest. They start operating with contempt, criticism, stonewalling, or defense, defensiveness. Number two, he stops talking about the future with you. He stops saying we. That's usually a good sign that there's, he's ready to break up with you. Number three, he starts making more time for his family and friends. He's making less time for you and starts, his family and friends are more important than you. And number four, he slows down sexual advances. He cuts back on the sexual advances. That's a good sign he's ready to break up with you. Number five, he picks fights. He's unappreciative or he's secretive. He picks fights, he's unappreciative or secretive. Look at ladies, you actually know when a man's ready to break up with you. You feel it in your gut. You feel it in your gut. It's because you chose the wrong person right from the get-go and you weren't the right person for him. Because you folks, everybody is getting so fucking unconsciously. Is that actually a word unconsciously? Without intentionality, without a level of understanding, how to actually have better communication skills, how to be a really good partner in a relationship. So many of you, listen, women you live in a fantasy and men are just fucking clueless. There, I said it. Women live in the fantasy and men are clueless and you blame them and they blame you. That's all that's happening right now. The sexes are blaming each other. What benefit is it to blame each other? So how do we create a relationship that's breakup proof? Well, it starts by being intentional very early on. I talked about the book Eight Dates. I talked about the Hoffman process. I'm gonna recommend a few more books because listen, look it, you can bitch and whine all you want. What benefit is that? What benefit is it to bitch and whine? So I invite you to do the work because then you can invite the man in your life to be a part of the process because women purchase these books ninefold greater than men, men just want to know how to meet women. But if you, listen, and I'm sorry, but your vagina is very powerful, okay? And I don't mean that in the disparaging way. I'm just saying we men are hunters, we chase sex, okay? All you walk, all you're getting all this advice from so many women dating coaches. Men are hunters and they're gonna claim you and they're hunters and they're gonna claim you and they're hunters and they're gonna claim you and men are provider protectors and men are provider protectors. That's such a, listen, what do we hunt? We hunt sex. We don't walk around. I wanna be in a relationship. I wanna be in a relationship. I still wanna be in a relationship. I'm gonna hunt for that relationship. I'm gonna pull out my bow and arrow and hunt for that relationship. What fantasy are you living in? Men don't hunt relationships, we hunt sex. And the notion of being a provider protector, look, that's, listen, right now we are in a dysfunctional financial dynamic when it comes to men and women. Dysfunctional, I meant to say, if I said functional. And there's so much ambiguity in this area. Stop, listen, two incomes are better than one. And sure, you can all dream of dating that rich guy that has the money that's gonna take care of you. How realistic is that? And especially at midlife, how realistic is that? Two incomes are better than one. What you really want is a man who's gonna protect your heart and you operate like this whole provider, like this whole provider protector thing that goes back to caveman days wasn't rationale about protecting your emotional well-being, especially when you're dealing with human beings that have so much dysfunctionality in their own human life. This is why I recommend reading my book. What the heck is self-love anyway? Link below. A journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. And I invite the man you're with to read my book as well. And if you really wanna start shifting the narrative, I highly recommend checking out the book by Gary Zukoff, Spiritual Partnership. Stop giving it up to some fantasy being up in the air and start giving it up to practical advice. I know you don't like hearing this because you all love the fucking fantasy because the whole fantasy is chemistry equals relationship success. And if you're not familiar with my chart, relationship iceberg, see chemistry is what we first see for attraction but will compatibility, shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity, that's where compatibility lies. And the more you check these boxes off, the more attractive you become one to one another. You know, working as a coach and I'm so blessed that my client, I mean, I'm getting so many, listen, I mentioned this a few weeks ago, I'm gonna mention I got another client that emailed me or messaged me yesterday saying she's in a great relationship, she knows the difference. And I understand why my clients are having so much success. Do you know what it is? That they're operating with their head and not the fantasy. So I've yelled it all out of me. Listen, you know the signs he's gonna break up with you. You feel it already. My invitation is get, avoid it right from the beginning by being intentional and don't leave it up to the guy. You be in charge of your relationship, Destiny. It's not the man's manner clueless. So you take charge of your relationship, Destiny and invite him to read these books with you. And if he's turned off by it or even if he's turned off by my video, if he's turned off by my video, he's probably not conscious enough to be in a relationship. I have now women telling me, a man are watching my videos with them and they're like, you know, they may not like what I'm having to say. Listen, I'm your big brother. If I could be there with the shotgun pointed at the guy's face and saying, what's your intentions? I need you to do that for yourself. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating with me? Please let me know. Post a comment in the chat box or post a comment below. Okay. I think I've yelled at you enough. I think I've expressed what's going on. I think you get a handle of it. So tell me, are you gonna do something different today? Say yes, Jonathan. I'm gonna operate differently going forward. Post it as a comment, say yes, Jonathan. I'm gonna operate differently or post it in the comments. All right, that covers our content portion of the live stream. Now we're gonna take questions. Those who know my format know that if you have a question for me right now, write the word question, post the question thereafter or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. There's a little dollar sign there. This is only for the live stream. All the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there. That was just a few months before he passed away. That's his brother with him and his mom. We were at his brother's college graduation and in my son's name, Connor Asley, also nicknamed Salty. We've got a scholarship fund to defray the cost of personal development for those seeking personal development work and also to donate to charities like the Hoffman process and Insightseminars.org. Check it out, insightseminars.org. Great organization. You can do the live, you can do the online course. It will change your life. Change your life today, work on yourself. That's my invitation for you. All right. Rose says, yes, Jonathan. Ava says, yes, Jonathan. Bridget says, yes, they're already doing it. Amen. Ava says, I love your style. All right, if you have a question for me, post a question or purchase a super sticker and also super stickers, let me know. Super chats and super stickers. Let me know that you appreciate my work as well. Cass says, I love how you go off on both sexes. Yeah, it's very dysfunctional out there. Thank you, Cass, because I'm so fucking tired of you women acting so, is it called sankram? What is it? You act righteous. I'm not, you listen. And by the way, I'm no picnic either, okay? I'm dysfunctional, I've got issues, I've got shit. I'm not here to suggest I'm any better at it. I just happen to know more than most people, that's all. So yes, it's both a problem of men and women alike. All right, oh, we got questions. Cat, oops. Oh, Jenny, you're so sweet. Thank you for the soup. Oh, you are a sweetheart. Love you, sweetheart. By the way, Jenny, the RN is the sweetheart who made me this mug. Ladies, what do I always tell you before the penis goes inside the vagina and then over here? But Jonathan, I've been sitting in my feminine energy and you can see this, Jenny, that sweetheart, thank you so much. All right, she made this beautiful coffee mug for me. All right, question from Kathy. Question, would you date a woman older than you and buy how much? I feel like it's difficult. Okay, if you're asking me personally, my ex-girlfriend will kill me for saying this, but I was in a relationship, started 10 years ago, and I was with a woman 10 years older than me. And there are some problems with that sometimes, with age differences. A lot of it was things like, movie references and music references and just kind of a little bit of, we were really a generation and a half apart. So yes, I have dated an older woman and that's what happened. So thank you so much for asking. I appreciate it. All right, question, because of the internet and all the options of all the women out there, I'm finding they all want to hit it. That's it. So Sandra, I think women oftentimes think that they have to have sex with a man early for fear of losing him. And it's because we're meeting total strangers. Now, I think back to when I was in my 20s, I used to go to bars, it was called picking up chicks and you use alcohol, this wasn't intentional, it just happened to be, alcohol allowed someone to drop their boundaries and you could have sex, usually in the first night. Now with the online dating, we're meeting total strangers. It takes more time to get to know each other. So the minute you have sex before you act, listen, think about this. Think about this. One of the fundamental important aspects of a relationship is trust. Do I trust, and that fidelity, although that's important, do I trust this person cares about my well-being? Does this person genuinely care about my well-being? If you can figure that out in three dates, you're a savant. I mean, you are a mind reader. You are a superior God, if two people can figure that out. And I can't tell you how many women, I'll tell you a quick story, a friend of mine, was totally loved by a guy, totally loved by a guy. And she kept saying, Jonathan says it takes 100 hours for two people to really get to know each other. And he goes, tell Jonathan, we are gonna be the exception to that. Jonathan is full of shit. And sure enough, there was at the moment of the time they met, it was long distance. Within two weeks, he loved bomb, love bomb, love bomb, love bomb, they met. They had sex and all of a sudden he goes, you know what, we rushed everything. I'm like, because no fucking trust was built. And now he's fucking his tail between his legs because he made it sound like this was the one and that my advice is full of shit. When I say 100 hours of face-to-face time just to get to stage one of trust, stage one, you probably have to go through multiple stages. But by the way, when you have sex too soon, you don't know if they're legit, too legit to quit. You don't know if they're legit. Look at the Tinder swindler, how he fucked over all these women. They didn't spend, I mean, well, he was manipulative so that's a whole other story. But it takes time to get to know each other. Does that make sense? Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. So coming back to your question, yes, and a lot of women are ruining it for a lot of other women. You're not doing each other a favor. That's my perception anyway. All right, question. Do you think guys judge women for their profession or their income? Do guys judge women? So here's the thing and that's a great question, Heather. I think men traditionally do not care as much as income and profession as women do. Let me just say that. Men don't care as much about profession and income as much as women do. I think women, because of hypergamy, if you're not familiar with hypergamy, let's hold on a second. Hey, Google, what does hypergamy mean? The definition of hypergamy. The actions of marrying or forming a sexual relation with a person of superior sociological or education background and what they mean by sociological, they mean money, okay? Women have a greater, oh, my hair is messed up. Women have a greater propensity for that than men because you needed the guy to take care of you and your baby, okay? This is caveman shit. Men care more about looks and women tend to care more about money. Now here's the thing. I'm a guy that looks at it this way. Two incomes are better than one. So if I make a quarter million dollars a year and she makes a quarter million dollars a year, that's a half a million dollars a year. I'm good with that. That's a lot more to be able to spend on vacations first class, especially if you can combine your expenses together. So I think a lot of men view profession and income. But for the most part, the more financially successful a man is, the less he cares about it, I would suspect. But even look at George Clooney. He married a drop dead gorgeous, but high and international attorney. He seemed to like that was, he seemed to go for that. So I'm just picking on George Clooney. So anyway, coming back to it, men have to care more about looks. Women tend to be the one who cares about money, at least income and profession and that sort of thing. And I know women judge, but men might judge certain professions with a negative negativity. I'm no disrespect to a barista, but if you're 55 years old and you're a barista, a man might judge that, I could see that happening. I'm not saying it's right, I'm just seeing that could happen. I'm sure if a man was 55 years old and his sole profession was a barista, you probably would judge that. This is just natural. Human beings can be very egoic, men and women alike. So what matters most? I think what matters most is you can take care of yourself, you've got good morals and you have good relationship skills. And you take physically take care of yourself, both on your take care of your body and you take care of your outer life, if you will. Did that help, Heather? Please let me know. All right. Jackie says, for the past six weeks have been a revolutionary for me. I'm totally standing with my power, no apologies, no compromising on my boundaries anymore. Can we get an amen? I love it. Ava says, when a man says it's not a good idea to talk anymore, be safe, be safe meaning. I don't know what that means. Okay, Rose writes, why am I attracting younger men? I'm 41. Okay, great question. Younger men like older women because the women their own age often seem very immature to them. Number one, number two, older women will probably have sex much easier with them than younger women. Because you don't have to worry about getting them pregnant. 41 is still in that baby making years but less likely to have to worry about pregnancy. And number three, they have a built-in exit clause. They basically say, I wanna start a family and I'm gonna go marry a 20 year old. So they enjoy talking to older women because they're a lot more fun than younger women. They're more apt to be more sexual because women starts hitting your sexual prime. Oftentimes around age 38 is what I've been told. I could be wrong but that's what I've heard. And lastly, they have a built-in exit clause. They can basically date you for a couple of years, fuck your brains out and then go, I decide I wanna have a family and they go younger. So that's my interpretation of that one, Rose. I hope that helped you. All right, Carrie says question. I'm confident empowered woman and seem to attract married men. Why is that? You know, when I get questions like this, my, I think you might have had three married men hit on you and then all of a sudden, the hundred men who have hit on you are all married men. That's my interpretation of this. Folks, I am sure, Carrie, you get hit on men who are not married. And I'm also sure you get hit on married men. By the way, married men now use these dating devices just as much as single men. Why? Because it's easy sex. Easy sex is why men, married men. By the way, they don't have, by the way, did you ever watch the TV show Mad Men? Mad Men. You know, that main character, I can't think of his name right now. Can someone remind me of his name? Look at, he got laid with all the women in his workplace because they were available to him. Now with a couple swipes, you guys are available and you're easy. That's, it's just ease. That's why it happens. It's easy. So you're not attracting married men. You're just not noticing all the single men that are hitting on you as well. But yes, you are attracting married men and single men alike. I'm suspect. Unless it's out in your workforce because then you just happen to be around more married men. So it's out, if it's out in public, it just means that you're around more married men and you're not around as many single men who can't hit on you. That's my speculation anyway. All right, I wanna thank Sandra for the $10 super sticker. Thank you so much. Let me give you your props. Thank you, Sandra. The Connor Asley fund will appreciate you. Thank you so much. All right, let's go back up here. Allison says, Hey Allison, in my relationship, we waited almost a month before sex and it's great. But I feel like we now have more difficulty talking about deep matters than we did before sex. Could he be scared? Yeah. Cause you probably guys still had very surface conversations thinking it was deep, okay? Deep conversations. That's why this book really opened, here's what I love about the book, Eight Dates by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. It forces human beings to be fucking grownups. You guys are such children out there. Why do I yell? Because I'm yelling at a bunch of children. No disrespect to you, Allison. But it's children that are dating and no wonder it's dysfunctional. You're not acting like grownups. Check out the book. By the way, make the guy read before the penis goes inside the vagina how to be an adult in a relationship. The five keys to mindful loving. You know, I'm nodding my head as if something's wrong. Folks, let me just be candid with you. I didn't know any of this shit. I was a bad husband. I, there I said it. I was a bad husband. I hyper focused on making money for the family. And I didn't know how to be a good husband. I didn't. I was a jackass. I mean, my ex-wife was no picnic either. But thankfully she's an amazing, there she is again. She's an amazing mother. She did a great job raising our boys. I am so fucking grateful. Every Mother's Day I make sure to give her props publicly. Cause she did the heavy lifting. I was fucking clueless at age 20. Seven when I met her. I didn't even have any awareness around this until the last 10 years. And I studied this shit. I studied this shit. Most humans have no awareness. I had a date with someone not too long ago that had no awareness on this stuff. She was a woman. Not that it matters. You know, I'm just saying she had no awareness around this stuff. And she coincidentally, multiple, multiple relationships, you know, in her life. Because most of us don't do the work. We just expect it. We deserve it. We are such a self-serving society here in the United States. We just expect everything is a right and we just deserve it without actually having to work for it. Men and women alike, we are so fucking selfish. And this whole reason I get so, I get so angry at the narcissism. Everybody is fucking selfish here in the United States. You really wanna see real, if you really wanna change your perspective, everybody jump on an airplane right now to India and watch some five-year-old kid walk between two cars and take a dump in between the cars because he doesn't have a toilet or running water where he lives. We are so fucking entitled and selfish here in the United States. A significant percentage. And the media fucks us over by dumping it and it, I'm sorry, I'm going off on a tangent, but you guys, you better understand this. We are a very self-serving society here and that's why it's fucked up. And these devices and the media have not been your friends. They're not been your friends. Turn off these videos about narcissism because all it's doing is feeding you with more narcissism and start turning yourself on to the really good stuff. Read the book, Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters. Read these books, feed your soul, read, oh my gosh, here's another great book. The Four Agreements, the Four Agreements, feed your soul with good, healthy stuff. Where's the other book? I mean, the list can go on and on. Feed your soul, not with the poison. Not with the poison that's out there. Feed your soul with nourishment, with the good, healthy stuff that's gonna make a difference in your life. Is this syncing in? Is this resonating with you? Please let me know by saying, yes, Jonathan, this is syncing in. All right, wow, did I go off on a rant right there or what? Ava says, I agree with you. Thank you so much. Wish you a dream. Pondries, Jonathan, love your videos. Thank you so much. All right, let's go. Kerry says, don't give sex away, exactly. Oh, here we go, Cass writes, question. I'd like to change my Facebook status to interrelationship, but I don't know how to bring it up without sounding passive or immature. We've both been together two years with six months hiatus. Rather, okay, doing that is for the general public. You know, I'm sorry, but I'm gonna judge this one. I'm sorry. So what if the general public knows you're in a relationship? What matters most is, are the two of you in a committed relationship? If you guys have said that you're monogamous exclusive in your exploring partnership, your monogamous exclusive exploring partnership can tell your partner, I'd like to declare this publicly, and I'd like you to do the same. Are you okay with that? Because then you're gonna see whether or not he's legit. Too legit to quit. Focus on whether your relationship is solid before you tell the general public. That's my opinion anyway. Does anyone agree with that one? All right, let's keep going. I'm 61 years old, attracted a 28-year-old and a 22-year-old. They both have to be crazy. No, they're just fucking horny. That's it, they just wanna fuck you. No offense. These guys don't want, I mean, they want your money or they want your vagina. It's not that hard to figure out, ladies. Now, when it's a 10-year, you're 61, he's 51, do you think it's a little bit different? 61, 31, yeah, it's either money or vagina. You must have a great vagina, Jane. Flora says, I missed all your books and I regretted it. I promise I'll read them now. Yes, thumbs up. Kathy says, I agree with Jonathan. Yes, thank you so much. Mary Ann says, I agree with Jonathan. Thank you. Heather says, I love it when you rant. Thank you so much. All right, do we have any questions? Okay, here we go, question. Rose says, in case of younger men, should I just pass on them? Rose, do whatever you want. You're a grownup. You don't need my permission to ask that question. Folks, sometimes I get, no disrespect to you, Rose, but sometimes I get questions and I think to myself, what are you guys thinking? Really? You know what? What does being a grownup mean? Learning how to answer your own questions. When I wrote my book, what the heck is self-love anyway is so you can be empowered within your life so you don't have to ask me for advice? I want to, why do I focus on books? Because, listen, and I'm not disparaging my contemporaries. Maybe I am. I think a lot of dating advice is just surface bullshit. I just think surface is bullshit. Surface is bullshit, surface bullshit. You know what I love about my clients? They come to me and they always say the same thing. Jonathan, why didn't someone teach me this when I was younger? Why didn't my parents teach me this? Why didn't I do that? Why didn't my parents teach me this? Why didn't I learn this before I married the wrong guy? And then I hear over and over again, Jonathan, you made me think, you made me go deeper. You're forcing me to really get a clarity on what I want. And more so, Jonathan, I get the other calls. Jonathan, I met a great guy. Jonathan, I met a great guy. Jonathan, I met a great guy and they know the difference. That's why I love doing what I do and I recommend all these books. And by the way, when you work with me, you fucking roll up your sleeves. You're gonna have to do a shitload of homework. And some people bitch and complain because you fucking want it self-served. You want it spoon-fed inside your mouth and you wonder why your lives aren't happy. I go, you know, doing this work is not for the faint of heart. It requires some real discipline and dedication to a better life. Yeah. By the way, read the book, Return to Love by Marianne Williamson, right? Someone write this down in the chat box. Return to Love by Marianne Williamson. It will fucking change your life. I don't have the book in front of me right now. It will change your life. Read the books I recommend. By the way, if you wanna save yourself time by the book, get the audio version and watch a YouTube video that's about the book. It'll save you a lot more time, okay? All right. Trudy says, Jonathan, I agree. People need to study more. Exactly. All right. Jonathan says, question, how frequently will a guy that is into you initiate spending time together? I sometimes feel like I'm inviting him to do activities more often. Maybe I'm just not giving him a chance to. Does he say yes to the activities? If he says yes, then you're just the social director. What's wrong with that? My best friend is in a relationship with a woman and she just plans the social activities for them. He makes it easy. She plans it. He pays for it. He's rich, by the way. But listen, I'm gonna save the last 10 minutes of our video. If you have a personal question for me, write personal question and write any personal question you have of me. I'll share anything personal that you like as we're getting ready to wrap up in the next 10 minutes or so. So my question for you is, so what? And by the way, if you guys are spending regular time together and you're building intimacy with one another, who cares, who does the inviting? Do you have a commitment of monogamy, exclusivity? Are you exploring a seriously fully committed relationship that leads to marriage someday? Stop being naive to this shit, women, ladies. Sorry about that. All right, Heather, you are a sweetheart. Heather just said I ordered the Hoffman process out of a few months. By the way, the Hoffman process this book will take you a lot of hours to do. Just the questionnaire alone will take you probably 10 hours to fill out just to do the questionnaire in the book. But it's worth every penny. All right, Michelle says return to love. That's right, Marianne Williamson. Oh, here it is, Wish Up, Ponder. Marianne Williamson returned to love. All right, Jode, Jade says question. How do you deal with the relationship that got off the ground seemingly okay, asking the right question 100 hours of face-to-face time, openness yet has a difficult point with huge trust issues derailed. Start over? Well, you never start over, but you start fresh with new agreements. You start fresh with new agreements. Listen, it's gonna take being intentional with one another. Now my question is how far apart do you live from one another? Do you spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in your personal and professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that's leading towards something serious. Folks, stop fucking around. At our age, within six months, you guys should know whether or not this is serious or not. Don't play naive. And most of you guys are doing it because you're in long distance relationships or you're in relationships where you don't see each other. You're both all so busy. And by the way, it's okay to be in a casual relationship. I'm not. That's not what I promote. It's okay to be in a situation ship. It's okay to be in a friends with benefits. It's not what I promote. It's okay to do those, but do it at least consciously and not with the fantasy that's gonna turn into something at some point. All right. Oh, thanks again, Heather. I appreciate it. And Sandra says, You've been an inspiration to me. I lost my daughter, Nicole, as well, because of the love you have for your son. And I love the love for my daughter. We can share a journey. You are a lovely human. Sandra, there are no words to a parent who lost a child. And all I can simply say is I give you a big, gigantic Jonathan Bear hug. I'm giving you a big, gigantic Jonathan Bear hug. Folks, no parent should ever lose a child. It's just not right. It's not right for us. And I know we all have our different pains. I know we all have our different pains. And each pain is unique to us. This is part of our journey. For me, it gave me an opportunity. Connor was the inspiration for writing my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? He's throughout this book on so many levels. There he is on the back. Salty. I invite you all to find your way to love, no matter what pains you've had in life, because loving ourselves is our vaccination to emotional chaos. And that's my invitation for you. Sandra, thank you so much for sharing. And thank you for the scholarship fund money. I appreciate it. Personal question, how did your date go the other night? Well, there was no love connection. Let me just say that. Nice, pleasant date. We just weren't vibing together. That's all I can say, we weren't vibing together. But I'm grateful for the referral from the matchmaker who set us up. She was a nice person, had a nice time, it was nice to get out. But that's part of the process. When you're meeting total strangers, not always it's gonna work out. But you know what? Fall off the horse seven times, get up eight times. You know what? Don't give up on your desires. That's my invitation for you. Marianne asks, question, do you think, okay, personal question for Jonathan. Do you think you are more like your mother or more like your father as far as personality? And which one of your parents influenced you the most? You know what? My mother, there's my picture of my mom and dad. A lot of my, okay, if you're not familiar with the book, Getting the Love You Want by Hall of El Hendricks, Helen Hunt, I invite you to learn about the Amago. So I used to chase women who were like my mother, emotionally unavailable and probably sexually anorexic. I think I'm more like my father because I chase women more like my mother, okay? That was my patterning. I had to learn to re, I had to rewire myself. I had to rewire myself. So I don't think I'm like my mother, except I'm a little bit of a pessimist like my mother was. So maybe that could be it. But I'm probably more like my father than I'm actually like my mother. And I've explored this idea, believe me, I've done mushroom trips to kind of explore this one. I've done therapy to explore this one in the Hoffman process. I've explored this one. By the way, mushrooms are a great way to really explore your deep inner shit. God, my hair is fucked up, folks. I'm a little bit embarrassed right now. But thank you for that question. Everyone's asking, how did my date go? Well, I just shared it. Wish up on, wish up under dreams. Oh, wish up under dreams. Just purchase the Hoffman process way to go. By the way, the link's below. Would I consider a long distance dating relationship? If she had a flexible lifestyle, we shared the same values, blendable lifestyles, emotional maturity, and I thought she was smoking hot. I'd jump on a plane and go anywhere. But if we have a lifestyle that's blendable, that's most important to me. Now, this is bugging me. I'm very self-conscious about my hair. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Heather asks, do you think the majority of people in relationship are pushing to try and make it work when deep inside they know it just isn't right? That's my opinion anyways. I think a lot of people, it's not that they're pushing it to work. I think most people just think that burying their head in the sand is their way of making it work. That's how, I believe people bury their head in the sand thinking that's what's gonna make it work. That's just my opinion anyway. All right. Oh, Tuesday says big hug to you, Jonathan. Oh, thank you. We really appreciate that. Hugs around the world. I'm sorry, Sandra. Thank you. Wish up yonder dreams. Oh, Tracy, thank you for the super sticker. That's, oh, I'm so happy for the Conner Fund. Yay. Trudy says, Sandra hugs from a former, oh, another grieving mother fuck. This just isn't right. Kerry says, I'm waiting for Jonathan to play an 80 song and guess what it is? Hold on a second, an 80 song. Okay, I'm not gonna play it, but I'm gonna sing a song. Okay, I'm gonna sing a song. I'm gonna butcher it. I don't care if Monday's blue, Tuesday's gray and Wednesday two, Thursday, I don't care about you. It's Friday, I'm in love. I think I gave away the song. One of my favorite songs by the Cure. Friday, I'm in love. I can't sing that one. What can I sing? Oh gosh, what's that one? Oh, hold on a second. Hold on, everyone, bear with me. Okay, let's see if you know this one. Let's get lyrics. Hold on a second, the lyrics aren't coming up. Oh, I can't sing this. It's an English song, I'll fuck it up. So anyway, the Friday I'm in love is the song I was just thinking of. Okay, Tracy says, Jonathan, you're great. Thank you so much. FL says, the deeper a person is the harder it would be to connect with someone else at a relationship level. Hang in there, Jonathan. Thank you so much, I appreciate that. I can't sing, I'm a terrible singer. Tuesday says, I love the cure. I do too, I love the cure. In fact, I'm gonna go off and let's say, what song was I listening to? Well, I love, I love, oh, God, what's the song by, well, fuck, I'm brain dead right now. Well, not brain dead, I don't wanna say that's negativity. What was the song I was listening to during the Matrix song? Oh my God, I can't believe I've just forgotten it by a Jefferson airplane. Oh, I can't believe I'm forgetting it. Anyway, it'll come to me. Folks, I think we covered the five signs he's about to break up with you. Let's avoid breakups by being intentional before you ever get there. Can we do that? Can you purchase these books? Can you start doing the inner work? Can you guide men to this process? Because the only way it's ever gonna happen for you if you are in charge of your relationship destiny, don't give it up to a guy. All right, purchase the Super Sticker Super Chat before we wrap up. I wanna, first off, just give another big gigantic hug to Sandra. Folks, if you find value in my channel, please refer this to friends, okay? Please hit the like button. Please check out the links below to a discovery call with me, to my group called Midlife Love Mastery, to follow me on Instagram. I love, and I love all the comments you share to let me know I'm making a difference in your life. Thank you so much. I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big gigantic John the Baruch of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm asking you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear, a pillow, and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I want, a white rabbit was the song. I can't believe I just now remembered it, white rabbit. I wanna thank Awe and Jen, and Tuesday, Ava, and Michelle, and Jade, and Jen Zari, and Michelle, and Wish Upon a Dream, and Reno, and Carrie, and Jade, and FL, and Marianne, and Heather, and Tracy, and Mestura, I can't butchered your name. Rose, everyone, thank you so much. Wishing you a super duper, wonderful Friday night. Bye now.