 The Great Gilder Sleeves. A special rebroadcast for all your soldiers, sailors, and Marines of the United Nations. Listen to another amazing episode in the life of the Great Gilder Sleeves. Now, what of the Great Gilder Sleeves? Well, there's a little ceremony to go through at Gilder Sleeves' house every now and then. It starts before breakfast and it goes like this. Oh, my goodness. Here he comes. Miss Miles, do you want to see why you can't enter these things? You should have carried this out last night. It's heavy, y'all. I might sprain myself. Yeah, out of the way. Nobody does any work around here but me. Oh, gosh. I'm only a boy. Here, grab hold. Give me a hand with this. Hey, wait! Come on ahead, Leroy, and tell him to wait. Yeah, who does he think he is? Climb on wagon. Be right there. Sorry to keep you waiting. I forgot it was Thursday. They all forget. Hey, wait a minute. I can't accept this. What do you mean? What's the idea of putting tin cans in the garbage? Listen, are you going to tell me how to run my garbage? I can't accept it. Well, I'd like to know why not because we feed that stuff to hogs. You want to kill them? Now, just a minute. I'm a taxpayer here. No tin cans, no paper, no bottles. That's the rule. Listen, brother, I'm a taxpayer and you're working for me. I'll thank you to keep the civil tongue in your head. And you can keep your garbage. I've got a good mind to report to. Go ahead. Get out of here. You pig! Wait a minute. Come back here. All right, this garbage is going to stay here. You understand? Right here in the street. I hope the neighbors complain. I hope they call the board of health. That's following the monk. You keep out of this. Come on inside. Meet your breakfast. Well, go on, dictator. That's an outrage. That's what it is. It's an armed outrage. Pass the sugar. Miroir, the sugar. It's right in front of him. If I ran the water department the way they run the department of sanitation, what do they get off to sell our garbage anyway? Put on your snow-grip to us as long as they get rid of it. Well, I don't know. I don't understand it, but it's probably a swindle of some kind. All kinds of rackets these days. Well, I know there's a black market in garbage. Miroir, I asked you for the sugar. How many times do I have to... It's right under your nose. Oh, please. Oh, I do. Just pay the bills around here. Ladies and gentlemen, excuse me. I just started on my cereal, Bertie. It's taken me so long to get the sugar. Well, I'll take them out and keep warm then. No, no. Just put them down. I don't want to be a bother to anybody. I'll eat them cold. Yes, sir. Wait a minute. No bacon, Bertie? No, sir, I'm sorry. Well, you can't eat eggs without bacon. These gods, what's bacon and eggs without bacon? I'm sorry, Mr. Gelfry, but I ain't been able to buy any bacon in the store for a good now. What? That's a fact. The man said in my case he'd let me have a few slices tomorrow. Oh, he did? Well, that's very sweet of him. How would he like it if we took our trade somewhere else? Just ask him that, Bertie. There ain't no place else to take it, Mr. Gelfry. Look, the store's got any bacon. Your harm's got any kind of meat, girl. Gosh, Bertie, you have to have bacon. What are we going to do? Oh, no, Mr. Gelfry, you look like we're going to do it all. No bacon. Gosh, bacon and eggs, liver and bacon, hot cakes with bacon. Everything depends on bacon. Oh, children, I guess we're going to have to tighten our belts. That's all. Maybe we better plan another victory guide this year. We can't plan bacon. No, we can't. But I'll tell you what we could do. What? We could raise pigs. Yeah, how about it? Oh, welcome, Lord. Pigs are so dirty. Nonsense, my dear. That's nothing but a superstition. Pig is one of the... Pig is one of the cleanest animals alive. If you give him a chance. Now, you could tend him, Leroy. How'd you like to be a flying herd? I know it was going to get around for me sometimes. Well, there's no work to it. All you do, you build a pigsty, and once a day, you throw in the garbage. Say, by George, that's it. That's how we get rid of our garbage. We feed the pigs, and it costs us nothing. And in three months, bacon. All we can eat. Now, how can we get a hold of a pig? Where do you like somewhere for him? To your hard work. I know, I'll ask Floyd Munson. His brother Earl used to be a butcher. Maybe he's got some contacts. I didn't know Floyd's brother was a butcher. How do you think Floyd got to be a barber? Yeah. Hey, yes, sir. If you'll excuse me, I think I'll just stop in and see Floyd on the way downtown. Excuse me, is he going to have any second cup of coffee? Not this morning, Birdie. I'm in a bit of a hurry. Got to see a man about a pig. Did he say pig? You stick with me, Birdie, and you'll be eating bacon when everybody else in this town is biting his nails. Mr. You know me, I'm glad to do your favor anytime. The only thing is my brother Earl's in the service now. Yeah, I know Floyd. So I haven't come out of touch with the meat lately. However, there's a fella who's got the meat department over at... I don't think you understand, Floyd. What I want is a live pig. Oh, live, you say? Well, now there, my cousin might be able to help you out. The one that used to run the livery stable? That little place just outside of town. Remember the one we borrowed the slave from? That's him. That little place there, four or five acres, cows and chickens and so on. Nothing much, but it's a living, you know what I mean? I'm sure he'd be glad to loan you the use of a pig. I don't want to borrow a pig, Floyd. I want to buy one. Oh, I thought maybe you was going to play a joke on somebody. You know, grease him maybe and turn him loose in the meeting. Nothing like that. Well, um... If I ain't being too inquisitive, Commissioner... It's in the nature of an investment, Floyd. An investment for the future. Oh, hogs going up. Oh, should I know? Well, you get around the city hall there. I thought you might have heard something. This has nothing to do with that. I'm buying this pig for my own personal use, Floyd. In due course, I hope to eat him. Well, now you're talking. Why don't you go out and see my cousin there? He might be able to put you next to a good pig if he ain't got one himself. I'll tell you what. Hey, what'll I do? You drop by for me around closing time and I'll go out there with you. Good idea. I'll do it. Thanks, Floyd. Thanks very much. Glad to do you the favor, Commissioner. Glad to do you the favor. Just remember it was me to do it for you. That's all. What's the dope, Floyd? Cousin ain't home. Talk to his wife. Says there ain't but one left out of the letter. It's all the rest. Says we can run back and look at it, though. It's the sale. Well, let's go. At this place. You know, maybe I ought to have two pigs, Floyd. What do you think? Two would breed better. Maybe you could, uh... Maybe you could pick up another someplace. Yeah, I could always advertise. Well, this looks like the size. Where's the pig? You know, the summer's around. If my nose don't deceive me. Maybe under the shelter there. Oh, brother, you're right. Look there, Floyd. Back in the corner. Why, it's as big as a house. Oh, no, no, no. That's the fowl. The little one there is yours. Where? I don't even see it. From the other side. Pushing up against you there. That little one? Well, what do you want for two weeks, though? Give it time. It'll grow. Look at the mother. Yeah. Well, maybe you're right. Okay, I'll take it. Okay. Uh, how do I get it? I guess you go in there after it. Is that big old sow line there? She won't hurt you. Listen, I've heard of people getting their leg dipping off by sows when they were mad. Particularly if you molest their young. Ah, she won't hurt you. I'd walk right up to her if I wanted to. Go ahead then. I don't want to. You're a fine friend, Floyd. Well, it's your pig. Well, it's your cousin. Now, don't tell me you're afraid, Commissioner. Not that great. You'll just leave. No, I'm not afraid only. Well, open the gate. She's looking at me. Well, sure. Sure she's looking at you. Whatever. You're looking at her, ain't you? What are you scared of? I don't like her expression. Pig's ain't got no expression. Yeah, piggy, piggy, piggy. Nice, piggy. Come on, piggy. Doesn't want to come. Why don't you just make a quick grab? Oh, no. That's no way. Yeah, piggy. Oink, oink, oink. You never fool them that way. Sneak up on them. Well, you say so. Wait a minute. Floyd. Yeah? That big one. How do we know she's a scowl? How do we know she's not a bore? You got my cousin's word for it. Here I go. Don't get alarmed, madam. I'm not going to hurt your child. I'm not going to molest your young. Bratheb. You came to teach your PD a lesson. Hello, Tiger. I know you can train them, buddy. I was in pigs in the circus last year, and they did all kinds of tricks. Sure. Steps and then slow down a slide. They were awfully cute. Oink, oink. Have you eaten anything yet? No. I guess he's still nervous, and it's no surrounding. I never heard of a nervous pig. I bet he's sick. Yesterday, they sold you over a sick pig. Well, he's not so primitive as it is. This was not my idea, Horace. Leroy, get the pig out of here. I told him it's guilty. Yes, Bertie. Go on, Leroy. Get him out. Auntie, it's an awfully cold day for him to be outdoors. That's ridiculous. Nature intended pigs to live outdoors. I told him that too, Mr. Guilty. I'm sure you did, buddy. Just let me handle this. Yes, sir. I'll go tend to my regular business. Now, Leroy, take the pig out and put him in the backyard. Okay. You might let me look at him first, Chuck Morton. As long as he's here, I was brought up on a farm, you know. I know, Judge. Well, let's see him, Leroy. Come here, Sonny. His name is Tiger. Tiger seems pretty small. You put on weight as soon as he starts eating. What are you going to feed him? Well, garbage, eventually. He hasn't learned to like it yet. I spoke to Peavey and he's bringing around some stuff. He says it'll be just the thing. All right, Leroy. Take your little friend outside. Okay. Come on and sit. He doesn't seem to like that either. But, Judge, what do you think of him? What do I think of him? I wouldn't give you two red points for him all cooked and ready to serve. Well, he'll grow. He's not going to die of lonesomeness either. Oh, yeah. Now, you're not thinking to raise the whole flock of pigs. You can't stop nature, Judge. Oh, this must be Peavey. It lately sees our little pig. Oh, no, Mr. Grosby. I guess count five on that big prescription. Great. Come on in, Peavey. Glad to see you. Oh, Peavey. You think you can cure this new member of the Gelder Sleeves family? Yes. Watch your step, Horace. You think you can fix us up, Peavey? No, no, no, no. He took you, didn't he? Oh, no, just a picky appetite. I want to get him on to his regular diet as soon as I can. Well, I've got something here that ought to start him treating. Stuff called baby malt. Baby malt? Well, it's put up for babies, but it's only doing this as well for an ancient pig. It's supposed to be very stimulating to the outside. Care for a smell? No thanks, Peavey. Judge, smells delicious. No, thank you. The question is not how it smells to me, but how it smells to a pig, Peavey. Two very different things. Well, you may be right. Well, whatever it is, you better have some and ride away. He hasn't eaten since he's been here. Oh, Bertie. Come on, Miss Gilfrey. Yes, ma'am, do you want something? Ask Leroy to bring the pig in here, please, Bertie. And we'll need a pan with a little milk and a two if you don't mind. Yes, ma'am. You better warm the milk a little, Bertie. Yes, ma'am. He already turned up his nose and some milk this morning, Mr. Gilfrey. Well, we're putting something with it, Bertie. Give it a little zinc. Okay, you the doctor. Oh, no, but things like this hot is crazy or anything. Once this pig starts eating, Peavey, we've got the meat shortage linked. Have we raised pigs? No, but I've got a lot of chickens once back in 1919. Oh, chickens. Well, I like pigs better, more variety. Oh, I know. As we started off with 50 cents worth of chicks in three months, they looked just like the chickens at the butcher's except that they were walking around. All right, George. Maybe I ought to raise pigs and chickens. Are they good at eating, Peavey? I never found out, Mr. Gilfrey. Mrs. Peavey got to find them when they were little. They'd die their old age, finally. I'm glad you told me to bring them in. He was starting to shiver off there. Well, little food's all he needs. Here, just put the pan of milk on the floor, Marjorie. Hold on to the pig, Lee Roy. We don't want him stepping in it. Okay. Now, how much of this stuff, Peavey? Well, we'll turn it off for him just a little. Yeah, I guess that's enough. Now, put him down in front of it, Lee Roy, so he can get to your owner. Okay. Here we are, Tiger. Nice warm supper, Mr. Peavey fixed for you. Oink, oink, oink, Tiger. Yeah, leave him alone, Lee Roy. You may try for it in a minute. I don't think he likes it. Well, I'm afraid you're right, Lee Roy. Well, he's the rest of the bottle. Anyway, Mr. Gilfrey, he may grow up to it. I suppose I have to keep it now. It's open. How much is this stuff, Peavey? Well, it's six-fifty. It's got minerals in it. What, platinum? Only paid $10 for the whole pig. $10 for the pig? $6 for the baby malt? Pig weighs three pounds. That's $5 a pound for bacon. I feel good to bed. I don't feel like going to bed. I'm worried about Tiger. Well, don't worry about him. He'll start eating tomorrow. I think maybe he's sick, Uncle. He should bring again. How would it be if Tiger slept with me, Uncle? Hey, Uncle, can he be nice and warm? No, Lee Roy. Oh, gee, why not? You wouldn't sleep a wink and neither would the pig. Oh, yes, he won't. That makes you think so. He slept with me last night. Me? Without the pig, I thought it was you, Uncle. My dear, I do not snore. Are you kidding? Yeah. Stop this nonsense. I'll let you put the pig's bed in the cellar. Now, that's enough. Just put him down there and then go to bed yourself. Oh, gee, Uncle. Well, come on, Tiger. I ain't going. Sounds bad, isn't it? Sure. Now, Lee Roy, let's not get excited. The pig may have a little cold. That's all. It's bad, Bill Todd. The house is dry. I better sit up with him, Uncle. You do nothing of the kind. My goodness. Hey, Tiger, we'll pull you through. Now, Lee Roy, don't worry about it. You go along to bed and I'll sit up with the pig if I have to. Are you honest, Uncle? Yeah, and I'll run along with you. You too, Marjorie. You're sure you don't want me to stay down with you? No, no, run along. Okay. Here, you hold him under here. This way. Huh? All right. Good night, Tiger. I hope you feel better in the morning. Good night, Uncle Roy. Good night, Uncle Roy. Good night, Uncle Roy. You comfortable, Tiger? Yeah. This little pie is pork chops. This little pie is ham. This little pie along here is bacon. Man, oh, man. Cute little fella. His blue eyes. Almost ashamed to eat him. Good night, Tiger. Good night. Well, that's better. Now we understand each other. You've got to get your sleep, young man. He'll never grow up to be bacon and large and pork chops and ham. Well, now you've got a pig to go to sleep. Tell him a bedtime story, I guess. Well, let me see. At once upon a time, there was a little pig. Quite a handsome little pig to the black spot. Right in the middle of his little forehead. Just like you. Wicky, wicky, wicky, wicky. He lived in the collage near the edge of a big forest. And one day, while he was out picking strawberries for breakfast, he saw a little old woman in a gray cloak coming toward him. He thought the little pig, maybe this is my fairy godmother. Ah, but he was wrong. She was a butcher in disguise. Anyway, he went up to her and He's asleep already. I know that on there, put him down, he'll wake up. He says, sleep, tiger. Good little pig. Sleep and get fat, tiger. You didn't cook the pig, did you? No, sir. That was the bacon you brought home yesterday. Oh, that's right. Well, where's the pig? He's running around the kitchen with his three kids a day boat. You mean he's all right? He sure is. I've got to eat him at the last. I found the first thing he likes. Hey, what's he eating, Bertie? The bacon. Bacon!