 So today we're going to talk about how to get over an ex even when you're obsessed with them You're still obsessed with them, okay Now before I get into this some of you might think this is related to my own personal experience the Relationship that just recently ended for me with Marie and that I might be talking about myself now to some degree I might be talking about myself, but let me be clear about something. I am not obsessing about this relationship I might be talking about it because I think it's important to share some of the experience of I have but I'm not Obsessing about it and I want to be clear about why I'm not obsessing about it because this relates to this video. I Never gave my power away to this other person I think women and men have a tendency to give their power away to another human being and that is one of the primary reasons why it's very difficult to move on After the ending of a relationship, especially even if it's a treasured relationship And in a moment, we're going to talk about when is the right time to date when a relationship ends, okay? And is there really such a thing as a right time? Okay, but I want to let you know I'll be talking about that in a moment now Let's examine why you might be a why anyone might be obsessed about a past relationship And I took some notes. So just let me look down because I don't you know folks I just want you to know this there's nothing easy about shooting these videos There's a trillion bits of information out there and I probably can only barely scratch the The ant's belly. So let me just say that sometimes I have to look at notes Let's examine why you might be obsessed. You're thinking about the ending as if some if as if they did something wrong You're hyper focused on what they did and you revisit the bad aspects or the unhealthy aspects of the relationship and You blame them for the ending you are blaming them for the ending and all the focus is on him It's it's it's like the idea of pointing the finger at someone you're pointing the finger at someone But just remember there's three fingers coming back at you. So what oftentimes happens is we human and I've done this too So I'm not immune to this but we've hyper focused on what was wrong. What was bad What was unhealthy and I think it's our brain's way of rationalizing This experience to protect ourselves to to emotionally protect ourselves whether right or wrong I do believe human the the ego has this insidious way of Creating a rational Lysation, okay rationalization rational lies L-I-E-S it lies to ourselves Okay, and someone might even be angry towards the other person You're just just obsessing about it. You're angry at them. They hurt me. They hurt me. They hurt me They did this they did that Now what's interesting is when you examine the ending of a relationship where someone feels hurt and they're obsessively talking about their their ex I'm always wondering why did you stay in this relationship if it's so miserable and it ended? Why isn't the ending a relief? I want you to think about this for a moment. It's a miserable relationship. You're unhappy There's all these bad things that went on from you know from literally day one and you're not feeling a sense of relief I don't understand that and I think this happens to be for a couple reasons. I think first The the there's this sunk cost that you have in a relationship You've invested all this time in a relationship. You've invested so much time It's like buying a stock that keeps dropping in price And then you you buy some more stock to dollar cost average it if anyone's familiar with dollar cost averaging I'll just give you a quick Synopsis of this you bought a stock pretend you bought a hundred shares for ten dollars and the price of the stock drops So you buy, you know drops in half So you you buy another hundred shares and now instead of your your cost basis is being ten dollars and it dropped to five dollars You buy another hundred shares. It's now seven dollars and fifty cents You're still behind but you're not as behind as much and I think we humans do the same thing in relationship We give more in a relationship when it's in a decline And we have so much invested that we don't give up on a stock, you know, it's like poker I was playing poker with the guys last night and I had a hand It was like I was a mediocre hand, but I kept throwing in more money, you know Just hoping that something would change it wasn't a good strategy on my part And I think we just humans have this natural capacity to invest more and Then when you think about it this relationship ended and So you have this sunk cost of I think the other reason why we might get angry is That it's really we're angry at ourselves We're angry at the fact that we stayed in a relationship too long work angry at ourselves for choosing this person We're angry at ourselves because we didn't speak up. We didn't establish boundaries We didn't ask for our needs met and yet the anger is towards them But I think what's really going subconsciously is we are angry at ourselves Now let me be clear about something folks in this particular case. I'm not talking about, you know, Marie and I's ending I just want to be clear about that because I know I'll get the comments. Are you talking about yours? No, I was actually thinking about my previous significant relationship. Oh my god, I was obsessing over it I was blaming her. I was taking no accountability of what happened. I was obsessing and If you're reliving an experience repeatedly I think I want to be clear for everyone if you're rethinking an experience over and over again and it's true obsession It might be who of you to go see a therapist It might be a few of you to see a professional a true professional to work on the anxiety Because in the spiritual in the personal development self-help and spiritual realm in the self love realm By the way, I wrote a book about self-love called what the heck a self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work There's a link below to all and in the description of this video. There's all these links. I talk about even the links to schedule coaching with me It's right there You know in the personal development self-help spiritual world Anyone's familiar with like Abraham Hicks or Joe dispenser Wayne Dyer just to name a few We we have this power within us We have this incredible power to reframe our thoughts We can reframe our thoughts and I'm gonna give you a tool in a moment to help you with this reframing We can begin to reframe our thoughts to remove to exit the obsessive place and Reestablish some new thoughts. I call this exercise flip it But it's looking at this experience that you're angry about you're blaming about and and finding the mirror Opposite from the negative point of view and finding the positive aspects of it of this relationship This requires really being introspective The problem with being introspective is that and I'm going to get into this in deeper in a moment It really requires some true introspection true introspection and One of the things I think it's critically important for everyone to learn about is love attachment style and Amago I am a GO can someone write that down. I am a GO Amago Do not familiar with the work of Here's a couple books. I highly recommend getting Love attachment attached by Amir Levine or Rachel Heller There's a link below the book getting the love you want by Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hunt the book wired for love by Dr. Stan Tatkin. I did an interview with him on my channel here so you can look for that interview We talk about this but first we it's important to identify is This obsession related to an attachment to this person so it could be love attachment, okay? Which is basically if you're not quick quick scenario anxious avoid it and secure anxious avoid it and secure Many of us who are anxious attachments like myself or I'm a recovered one. I'm a recovered one I have recovered from being that I'd like to think I've now established in a secure place in my life But you know, I still have the default of anxious and you're with an avoidant These are people that are typically emotionally unavailable. They're emotionally constipated They struggle expressing their emotions. They deeply want love, but they're struggling in That capacity and so it's good to understand attachment love attachment style as a mago These are for those really contentious relationships. I think some of our karmic relationships the a mago is usually we choose a Partner who's like one or both of our primary caregivers our parents and The more contentious it is the more contentious most likely your relationship was with your With one of your both of your primary caregivers parents grandparents that sort of thing aunts Siblings that might have taken care of you. I think when there's a lot of drama in the relationship This is reliving a past experience from our childhood Okay, now the other attachment that happens was were attached to the fantasy This is where I'm kind of guilty of this folks. I I think to some degree. I was attached to the fantasy of the future you know there's a fine line but between being stuck in the past and Fantasy of a future and being present because you know, we're they're all kind of in the in the I was watching Star Trek discovery, you know time is kind of an illusion but all of these are happening Simultaneously inside of our head the past the present the future To some degree folks. I want to be candid with you. I Did get attached to the future. I'm you know, I'm at midlife, you know I I there's a part of me that doesn't you know folks does anyone feel like dating socks? Raise your hand just write it in the comments dating socks. Okay Now I'm and I'm and folks off It's important to say dating also has some pure benefits and joy and it's a it's important It's part of the process But you know the idea of going back out there and dating again does suck, you know, I'll just own it and I was certainly attached with you know growing old with somebody But I wasn't obsessively attached. I certainly Desired it. Okay. It didn't come from a place of desperate need within myself It was a desire, but I desire lots of things. I desire to fly on a private jet I I desire living, you know in one of those bungalows in in in the mall deeds or something like that You know over the water. I desire a lot of different things and they're healthy. Sometimes I have healthy fantasies Sometimes I have unhealthy fantasies But I think sometimes we get so obsessed and attached to the future that it makes it difficult to let him go I think the other thing is we have to recognize that we can have a chemical bond with another person We can have a chemical bond You know Hey, that's why it's called chemistry. It's chemicals being released from our brain particularly Oxytocin dopamine serotonin testosterone estrogen we could have a chemical like a bond with another person And the other thing is we don't like being alone. You know, I'm by myself now I mean imagine I was with you know someone and imagine for you You've been with someone for a long time you communicate every single day. You're seeing each other every single day You're shifting from a we to a me can can be a little bit. Just you know disconcerting so I Think one of the things is I'm grateful prior to meeting her. I learned how to enjoy my own company See, I think this is one of the reasons if you learn to enjoy your own company Then you won't overly get attached to someone you won't but the fact is if you you know If you don't enjoy your own company and now you're alone You might obsess about this person because it's the last person that you felt this. Oh my god, Jonathan I had this amazing connection with them. I mean my god. It was so off the charts Except there was this bad thing this bad thing this bad thing this bad thing this bad thing this bad thing this bad thing But I but I really it was so great You know, here's the thing how to get over your acts some dating coaches will tell you You know, just go live your best life show him your best life on social media You know, I god, I see this on so many, you know youtubers talking about live your best life The reality is is it requires inner work? You know, by the way, live your best life all day long, you know fill your love cup in all day long do that Whether you're in relationship You're not but inner work is how we get over an x and I always invite everyone to answer these four questions And then we'll talk about when is the right time to date these four questions What positive things about yourself did you learn in this relationship? What positive things about yourself? Did you shift from being an anxious attache to a secure did you real did you did you Did you learn to speak your truth in a kind manner? You know, did you set boundaries? What were the positive things you did or learned in this relationship? Also, the second question is how have you healed from this relationship? I truly believe I healed my anxious, you know attachment style. I really do believe I'm a reform person Is there a default? Probably But I certainly feel like I feel strong about that. I could be I could be fucking gas lighting myself for all I know but I feel strongly about that Number three What are you most what was good about the relationship really visit the good stuff in the relationship? You know when we obsess about all that's wrong if you make a list of all that's wrong and you're thinking about it You're thinking about it. You're thinking about why not put a list of all that was good Not that I want you to obsess over good But I want I take stop this conversation of the bad bad bad bad and start thinking about what was good Because we have the power to change our thoughts And lastly What are you most grateful for? I'm so grateful she came into my life for a variety of different reasons She got me out of my shell She encouraged me to be a little bit, you know more professional Although some people don't think I am because I curse on videos. That's so unprofessional Listen folks. I use humor Expletives sometimes to enhance the sentence. Okay, but there was so many things. I'm grateful for her and you know And I and I truly wish her the best. That's that's not number five But I I invite you all to wish the other person Well-being That's just the compassionate, you know, I would think that's what jesus would do you know He'd love the person that even would hate you know that hurt them You know, so I invite you to it to wish them well So when is the right time to date? That's a great question The right time when are you ready, you know folks? I want to say something someone just asked me that jonathan when You know, you're you're not ready to date, you know, I'm like no fucking way I was so ready to be in a fully committed relationship before I met her That hasn't changed. I'm fully ready to be I'm ready to be in a fully committed relationship with someone Am I obsessing about it? You guys are gonna say I am because I'm talking about it, but no I I've done the work. I've done the inner work I work with a coach. We processed a lot of stuff I've spent a significant amount of time in a short period of time processing all of the things that you know the things that you know, and I vented and I cried Guys, I cried I was sad You know, I cried when Connor passed away Folks, if you're not familiar, I I lost a child five years ago You know, I I cried can't even count the amount of hours I cried at the same time I made a conscious choice. I could grieve with suffering or I can grieve with love And why I'm sharing this to you when you go through when you've gone through some significant hardship in your life And believe me I've had you know, I've had a couple perfect storms. It feels like in my life You know when a relationship ends it it didn't didn't it doesn't mean the end of the world the sky didn't fall Inner work So when is the right time to date? I think when you're no longer pining for the other person I don't think it's predicated by time. I mean some Emotionally healthy person could be ready to date in a couple months Okay, if they really have done the inner work They could be absolutely because remember I was ready to be in a fully committed relationship before I met this person And by the way for a long period of time. I wasn't I was a spender now. I've established myself as a grower builder I don't pine for this person Okay, and I never and they don't have my power That is certainly so if you're crystal clear on your intention that what you want You're no longer pining over someone you no longer they no longer have your power. You're no longer dependent upon them It doesn't mean that there isn't going to be residue from your past relationships folks I have residue from my x y if I have residue from my significant relationship. There's residue But that residue doesn't define me and I don't I want you to really Think about it You might have a little bit of residue. That's okay. You don't there's no such thing as readiness. There's just I like the way abraham hicks says it. I'm ready to be ready to be ready to be ready to be ready to be ready to be ready See because once you're in then you got to really step up. That's you see that's really do you have the When you're ready to step up That's when you're ready But if you're if you're focused on the past if you're obsessing about a person If if you're if they still have a charge for you And I got to tell you many of you are suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness I was with the narcissist and and he did all these bad things and not to suggest that's you know It couldn't be a horrific experience Heal from that. Okay, the if you constantly are talking about it, then you're reliving it Remember we talked about if you're reliving the negativity and you're hyper focused on them Narcissist narcissist narcissist narcissist narcissist narcissist and then you put yourself out in a dating site or wherever you're going to You're the next person is going to be a narcissist by default even if they're just You know a slightly self-centric human being listen I'm not listen. I I I I share my perspective. Okay forever. I mean There's I I share it from my own experiences partly because what I'm learning through my experiences I just pay it forward by passing on what I learned. Okay I mean to the extent that I'm an expert. I don't believe there's any You know what? There's all these people who are experts experts experts Sure, there are people that have a knowledge base greater than yourself and it's an invitation to Investigate it not there's nothing wrong with obtaining knowledge, but there is no one one One size fits all You know this whole you know when they talk about men do this and you do this and women do this and all there's not one size fits All you can't quantify most of this shit You just got to figure it out for yourself. That's the journey of life. Just figure this shit out Try to have a good time while you're at it. You know life can be a fun experience If we don't take it so seriously, what was it in the batman? Batman second movie with christian bale Heath Ledger why so serious? You know when we can actually laugh at ourselves, but more importantly we can just love ourselves Even through all this shit Anyway, is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know. I'd like to hear your thoughts post a comment below Do you have something to share? I do my best to read them all If you found value in this video, please hit that like button Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell when you so you can be notified of new videos All right, it's time for questions those who know my format No, if you have a question write the word question then post the question there after or you can purchase a super sticker super chat All of the money's from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son connor asley He's right there with his brother collin. He's the one who passed away Five years ago and his honor I donate to cause is like the hoffman process and insight institute So let's try to collect 50 50 dollars today. Let's try to collect 50 dollars today So there's a little dollar sign in the chat box. Let's collect 50 dollars today. I want to donate some money All right, let's see what kind of questions we have I did see one earlier. So bear with me Here we go, I I have no idea how to pronounce your name awashina sing What should I do or how do I start over after my boyfriend stopped talking to me over a disagreement? It's been a few months now and I don't know if I should contact him if it's over before I move on You know It saddens me to read this to be candid with you The fact that you don't know that it's over Saddens me somebody has gone silent. They are doing what's called stone walling They've gone silent on you in fact a video tomorrow is going to talk about this in a little bit of a little bit detail You know my suspicion is that the relationship wasn't ever truly established to begin with You might be in something casual. It might be a situation ship There wasn't a real establishment of the relationship. There wasn't any You know boundary set there wasn't any those standards were discussed the rules of engagement were discussed most likely By the way, my excuse me for slurping when I do I swear a little you'll swear a little you'll feel better sometimes folks I swear I would reach out to this person and request an audience Have a conversation You know It's you've been distant. I haven't heard from you Um, you know, what's the status of our relationship from your perspective? What's the status of our relationship from your perspective? I Still believe that we're in a relationship with each other of some sort and I'd like to establish where you're at I would get this person on the phone and have that conversation and find out what the status of the relationship is You know, it's certainly when someone goes silent that is a clue that they're not really An emotional grown-up to be in a fucking relationship. That's such bullshit pussy Cowardless behavior, you know, I think two people listen folks if the penis has gone inside the Vagina on a regular basis you have every fucking right To have you know to be with an emotional grown-up That doesn't run away, you know, I mean it's one thing listen if people Sometimes people need to take space for a couple days. Okay, but you said it's been a few months You know, I I'm not you know, I believe we have to sometimes take 24 You know 36 72 hours You know, that's not the end of the world, you know, but months That's just bullshit. You know what like your attitude should be well, you know, listen, I mean Okay, this sounds in contrary what I'm about to say is but we have to go through the stages of grief And sometimes you have to be angry at the person. What a fucking jackass. Okay You know, why am I accepting that kind of behavior? I love myself too much to accept that kind of behavior Folks when someone wants to end a relationship, it's a blessing because you know that and why is it a blessing because I only want you to be with people who want to be with you Someone doesn't want to be with you. You know what thank them, you know You know, quite frankly, I'm gonna say something this might sound cruel, but Marie did you know has now created the room I've got an empty closet right now. I have a walk-in closet for anyone who you know wants to Move into my life. There is space. There is room there when someone leaves they make room For potentially the right person to enter into your life You know So so, you know, I invite you to ask yourself what positive things did you learn about yourself? What was what how have you healed what it was good about the relationship? What are you most grateful for those are just some of the things but yeah Reach out to him try to get try to do an autopsy And go from there and if you want some support schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right For you. Ashina sing. Thank you so much Oh, Beth just wants to let me know dating sucks Couple other of you said it's the same thing Um Let's see what else we've got here Do we have any questions if you have a question write the word question All right. T. S. Is in the house Is it better to try to date someone with similar attachment style? I believe I'm an anxious attachment, you know I've had some I've pondered this question before So supposedly um you know I'm gonna be doing a couple interviews soon about attachment style because I really wonder You know being with an emotional avoidant Fucking sucks. It sucks being with people that are Have difficulty expressing their emotions. It just does fucking suck You know, we have to understand in the early stages of dating a man might express how he feels about you in the context of He's feeling good About you you you make him feel good. It's about his feelings But there's a real turnaround when it's about your feelings And if someone isn't able to express How they truly feel about you outside about how they feel how it makes them feel about themselves And this is usually in the early stages when we're trying to get laid I think god the shit that came out of my mouth or has come out of my mouth Trying to get laid. Oh my god. You're the most amazing woman of my life. Oh my god. I see us married. Oh my gosh I want to take these trips. I mean the shit that the chemical cocktail Of dopamine the crap that would come out of my mouth and then listen the minute we have sex I'm like, why don't I like this person anymore? And I'm saying that a little tongue-in-cheek, you know, but it's true It's called post nut clarity. So I'm gonna write that post nut clarity google that I mean, I didn't know this until you know, I didn't learn this until years ago So, oh god, I'm going off on a tangent. So coming back to let's say two anxious people together One person is gonna it could burn each other out So I think first and foremost if you're familiar with your attachment style You might want to do the test from the book attached together And really read I would say read this book together But Jonathan, he doesn't want to do work like that Folks, if you're with a human being who's not willing to do work to improve the relationship You're you're setting listen most relationships fail and they they are miserable Choose people that want to grow with you not that they just want to spend time with you I could go on and on about this, but um, let me let more questions come in t.s. Thank you so much for that Hey, I want to thank rune for the to $2 super sticker I also want to thank annette paul for the $20 super sticker. That means we're only $28 away from getting our $50 today So thank you so much. Alexa just wants me to Point out I said he's a pussy in a coward exactly um Miss moody says I was drawn to a toxic man who body shamed me and then complimented me He always left me and I would always be drawn back to me only come back for sex and then dump me telling me love me What was it about that situation that have Does anyone remember the movie sleeping with the enemy? I mean, you know, it saddens me how we humans Will take abuse In the name of love Isn't it fascinating? What is it about by the way? This all is the amago stuff. I'll read this. This is why okay Why you're choosing this guy? Why you're into him is read this book It's just fascinating and and by the way, I'm not immune to this. I've accepted some bad behavior in my life I've given bad behavior I mean, I'd like to think I wasn't overly egregious, but um But you know, we're all imperfect human beings trying to do the best we can Anyways, thank you so much for that question Uh val says amen. Thank you for putting that in perspective Miss moody. How do you let go of a man that disrespects you? You let go You could block him on your phone. You could disconnect. By the way folks you have to disconnect from their social media accounts Oh my god. I remember when I had a relationship and I was constantly looking at her social media account Is she thinking of me? Is she thinking of me? What's she doing? Is she dating someone else? Is this happened? Oh my god, you have to put a mute button on that if nothing else Um, those are just some things, but how do you let go you make first declare? I declare first and foremost. I let go of this relationship And then start filling your days and thoughts with new thoughts in your life and little by little this takes discipline folks Discipline doesn't care about you feel but Jonathan, I feel the need to obsess over and over and over Discipline doesn't care how you fucking feel discipline says I'm gonna do what's best for me. Tell your unhealthy ego to fuck off I'm gonna choose me to make a stand for yourself I won't take this anymore. I am letting go of this relationship and I'm gonna start loving myself just begin with that Declaration and then find ways do inter work To love on yourself. Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know What led you and marita break up? Uh, really quickly. I've said this in previous videos. She wasn't happy living in california There was something going on emotionally in her life that required her to um She just said she wasn't able to give me what I need in this relationship And she needs to go find herself in a different way right now our relationship um Evoked what's the word i'm looking for? Sir it our relationship opened up some emotional wounds for her Not that I did anything. I'm just pat past trauma and wounds and she wanted to go heal And she couldn't be a real good partner to me. So that's the that's kind of the gist of why Hey, I mentioned the net paul gave us a 20 dollar super sticker. Also We got claire that gave us a 20 dollar super sticker. So we're only eight dollars away Excuse me eight dollars away from getting to our 50 dollar goal. So thank you so much Beach lover says yikes Jonathan. I don't know what that's for but Um, miss mims says I was broken up after 10 months due to the age gap We are 14 years apart, but we did not have a significant relationship issue He wants a younger woman and kids and can't see that with me Is was he younger than you if they're if you're 14 years older than you guys use ladies Just be careful dating younger men who are in the bracket of potentially having children their escape They can use you for 10 months Get all the benefits of great sex great connection and stuff like that But when they want to end the relationship, they always say I want to have children knowing that you can't that's just one example of the dangers of dating men that are significant are in that I want to have babies age bracket men and those are men up until about age 45 By the way, there's a good chance. He won't have kids. That was just his escape clause from the relationship Okay Oh, and here's claire claire's 20 super stickers. So just remember we're $8 away $8 away from getting our $50 goal Allison wants to remind miss moodley. You need to reassess your self-worth. You deserve better folks Claiming our self-worth is part of the inner work. It's part of the inner work You know I don't i'm gonna recommend a book. I don't love all of it But I there are some parts of this book. I do like Why men love bitches? I'm not a oh, I there's things about this book I don't like but I like the empowerment aspect the bitch stands for babe in total control of herself Yes, babe in total control. That's what a bitch stands for beauty babe in total control of herself By the way links below to get all the books. I recommend I invite you to do the inner work Mmm All right Hey, we've got to give props right now to miss mims $50 super sticker. Oh my gosh. That means we collected $92. Let's make it $150 today So we need 50 52 more dollars. Thank you so much for the kindness. We appreciate that All right, let's keep going here Sandy says, thank you, Jonathan. It's nice to know I'm not alone. You're very welcome Uh Annette wants to let you know miss moodley if he treats you poorly tell him You're you are letting him go because you love them and should be happy Yeah All right, what else do we have here? Uh, okay. Mim says yes. He was younger Yeah, unfortunately, this is the listen if you're dating someone You know what? I mean, I'm gonna be honest with you guys. This sounds terrible But if I was in my 20 mid 20s and 30s right now, I probably would have dated older women Because a the sex is great. They're you don't typically you don't have to worry about getting them pregnant They are a lot of fun. They're more emotionally grown up and and when you're ready to find someone to marry you just go Oh, I decided I I want to move on and find someone I can have children with it's a it's a great exit clause Now is this I mean How often does this happen enough that I'm talking about it? I'm serious enough that I'm talking about is there exceptions to the rule apps of fucking Lutley But this is the danger of dating someone younger you know Usually older women younger men in that capacity Um By the way, miss moody says my mom and I have a toxic relationship. Why do I draw a toxic man? Please read this book. This will explain everything getting the love you want by harbell hindricks and ellinott. Thank you so much Oh, thank you for all the work you do jonathan. I appreciate that Notty kitten says I think men like soft bitches. Well, we don't like drama from the book You know why men love bitches. We don't like the drama. Well, some guys are addicted to drama. Oh my god I know a couple I have some people I know in my life that these men are just addicted to their To their their wives and their girlfriends who are so fucking dramatic Because that's what's familiar their childhood was dramatic, you know, so Folks if you have a question write the word question post the question there after Okay, I would like to see more questions Um, you know This person that's talking miss moody Obviously the focus is all on him. Okay. It's all about him What i'm not hearing from you is you See folks when a relationship ends it's time to look in the mirror and say You know the fourth questions I just posed for you earlier in the video, you know really become introspective It's doing the inner work if you're focused on him You can't change the other person. It's listen. It's like what's the definition of insanity? Thinking about them over and over and over and over again and somehow magic fairy dust is going to change this You know being an emotional grown-up means you've got to be fucking rational and logical too Okay, by the way, I know if that comes off harsh. I'm I'm intentionally harsh Sometimes we need it's like share in the movie moonstruck Snap out of it. Sometimes we need to be smacked upside the fucking head You know You know a good friend will call you out on your blind spot and and this is the invitation right now You're being called to snap out of it Anyway, that's my thoughts on this because you can't talking about them isn't going to change it talking about you changes you Start with why did I accept this? Do the work the more folks listen We come back about I believe we we reincarnate and do our shit over and over and over again until we get this right We might do it a million times. Okay I'm kind of fascinated. I wonder what my next incarnation of my life will be like I'll probably be a woman I'll probably be an avoidant I hope I'm well that was an ego I said I hope I'm gorgeous But you know like at the same time, what can I take from this life? To heal me in the next experience And it starts with individual healing. I truly believe that By the way, if you have a personal question, you'd like to ask of me right now for the last 18 minutes of this video Write personal question and you're more than welcome to ask me any personal question you have of me Okay Sharon elizabeth's in the house and she says john I'm new and need to unhinge from a catfisher on a dating website. I stupidly fell in love with Sort of addicted to the drama two months long Isn't that fascinating? This is a person you fell in love with in two months. It was an online situation. Isn't it fascinating? How this happens? You've given your power away to another human being Folks It's insane It's it's it's absolute insanity what us humans do So how do we reprogram ourselves from you know this First is the wake-up call you you don't love this person Would you give this person if this person says give me all your money? Would you give it to them? I would think you'd do that for a person You know you loved right would you give them all your money? No, you wouldn't I hope you wouldn't But people will give their money away to a catfisher all day long why? Because we humans are fucking stupid I'm sorry, you know, it's it's being an emotional grown-up means growing up Where's the book? Folks, you might want to read the book how to be an adult in relationships You know, you might want to start practicing some of the things I talk about radical honesty Prequalifying your prospect rules of engagement but more importantly, you might want to stop practicing Text relationships you guys many of you are fucking suckling on the nipple of cyber relationships It's not real until you folks until you've experienced someone day in day out In a in in situationships in live Situationships don't give your power away to another human being Anyway, that's my invitation for you. Okay. Thank you for sharing that um Let's see Miss moodley is still in the house and she says I accepted it because I've abandoned many issues my dad My dad someone died committed Well, it's time to heal that it's being in a relationship isn't I listen I highly recommend some deep therapy Some true introspective work work with a coach Do some work. It's it's time to hyper focus on you If you haven't already and if you have Then why haven't you healed it? I know it sucks. There's not I mean sometimes there's not good therapist But there's a lot of good people that can help you focus on you. Okay All right Wendy says I'm perfectly happy being alone I've begun dating and doing the right thing to establish a relationship and then His ex-wife started harassing me. I believe she is mentally ill So what? I mean you block a person from their life You know you block the person she might be mentally ill But you block the person you remove this person from social media having access to you block them on your phone You don't allow them communicate. I'm perfectly happy be alone No, most people don't like being alone. I think it's okay. It's it's one thing to enjoy your own company Okay, I enjoy my own company. I'm okay with but I don't want to be alone folks It's it's human nature to want to be commune with people So if you are I'm listening. I want you to think about are you perfectly happy sitting in your home all by yourself And not interacting with anybody for months or years at a time. No, that's a prison By the way, I'm parsing your words, okay Because I truly believe what you meant to say is I am happy with my own company. Okay, but I don't but folks I want to pick on this It's human nature to want to commune with people whether it relates whether you're in a romantic relationship or not It is human nature. So we should never we should always strive to commune with people I I believe that that's healthy for an individual Okay Mimic says funny question Where do you find men h40 plus educated business professionals besides dating apps? Go to business seminars and hang out at the bar If you want to know where those people go to business seminars go to like Money wealth building seminars business seminars go go to those places. There are a ton of men It's usually 80 90 percent men or man might be might be 60 percent men Go to the you know go to those places and hang out. That's where they are But Jonathan, I don't have the time to do that. I can't you know, I'm sorry If you don't have the time to do it then that's where they're hanging out By the way, they don't necessarily make the best relationship prospects. Okay But just that's where they're hanging out Jonathan I'm awake. Did I mention I'm a blonde? Thanks for the You're very welcome Naughty kitten says I think it's a nice fantasy someone online Tells you what you want to hear get out and find someone in church or activities volunteering hobbies. Yeah charity group Functions are another thing to do find go to go to You know go to events that are about giving a being of service, you know Uh internet marketing seminars just to name a few Kate is in the by the way if anyone has a personal question write the word personal question I'm willing to share these last 12 minutes of anything personally asked of me What if a woman breaks up with a man? Will he ever come back? It's been three months of no contact I miss him, but I think I only miss the dream of him. Please help Yeah, it's by the way, there's well if the woman broke up with the man Yes, he could come back. It's quite possible Or he might say fuck you you didn't want to be with me your loss but uh, you know, so What's the help the help is focus on you if you're the one who chose to end the relationship Then why did you end the relationship? You know if you miss him It's because you know, there was a reason why you ended it and you're focusing on the loss And not the why you know be strong with your conviction If your why was a legitimate why then then then it's important that you get by the way, let him go You're hanging on to him gives you he's got your power right now. Why does he have your power? Let him go let him emotionally go let him go find the right person for him You weren't obviously the right person for him Okay, because you ended the relationship. So let him go find the right person for him Energetically speaking. That's the loving thing to do. That's what jesus would do folks all right Oh, she wants to just let us know we were together in a long distance on and off for six years There was a reason why it ended focus on that All right, let's keep going here genie says I don't want to be alone, but I'm tired of emotionally constipated men I get it By the way, you have a high probability of finding them most humans are fucked up It's just a matter of degrees You know, you got to make you got to make some effort But become there's you know in the spiritual in the personal development self-help and spiritual around Become what you want to attract. How are you mirroring? What you attract where in your own life? Are you emotionally constipated and heal that piece in your life? Don't you want to meet someone fall in love with them and go everywhere with them? If you're asking me personally I don't know if I want to go everywhere But yeah, I want I want to fall in love with someone who falls in love with me Do I want to go places with them? Yeah, but I also want to be able to listen I Listen folks just to give you an insight into jonathan asley. I'm not making this about me. I'm just sharing this for everybody This is who I am Okay, just and tell me if this resonates with you I hate small talk I wanted to hear folks. Let me put it. Oh shoot Where is it? I hate small talk I want to talk about adam's death alien sex magic intellect the meaning of life far away galaxies music That makes you feel different memories the lies you've told your flaws your favorite sense your childhood What keeps you up at night your insecurity and fears? I like people with depth who speak with emotion from a twisted mind I don't want to know What's up? How's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day I'm in the process of reading my my coach recommended. I read this book. I've had this for years I'm not years. I've had this for about eight months and finally get by the way. It's a tiny little book I'm going to read this. It's a spiritual book. I have no idea what's in it It's called the prophet check out the link below to get all the books. I recommend But this is this is like Next gen, you know kind of You know spirituality work. I'm by the way the untethered soul is my all-time favorite The untethered soul by michael singer my all-time favorite book anyways Magic says, uh, what do you think of dating co-workers? There's an old saying don't shit where you eat I would say it used to be 50 plus years ago the number one place to meet your Husband was at the job at there was first it was the small town you lived in then it was the college You went to and then the job you had that back in the 60s um Just be careful Sexual harassment shit all that kind of stuff. But yeah, it can be a great place to connect with someone So I just think there's you you got to recognize It's like moving in with someone, you know What happens if it doesn't work out? Do you have an exit plan if it doesn't work out? I think it's important to have those conversations. All right. Jill is in the house Personal question. What are you doing to prepare yourself for your next relationship? Do you say who I need to be to attract my ideal relationship great question? so folks Couple things I've done the introspective work. I've I've processed the ending of the relationship And I feel complete number one I'm actively doing things like Catherine woodward thomas is the calling in the one program I interviewed her recently on my channel Catherine woodward thomas next week. I'm going to allison armstrong's event called Freedom from being ordinary. I'm going to personal development workshops. I'll be going to abraham hit In january of 2024 in los angeles. There's two day Two venues. I might go to both of them What else am I doing? I'm changing my habits. I'm changing my way of doing things. I'm not By the way, I haven't really gotten on the dating apps. I really don't believe I'm going by the way Listen dating apps is the number one place people are meeting. I mean over 50 60 70 percent of me People are meeting through the dating apps. I'm not doing the dating apps. I have I have I have two things I'm going to shoot a video on this I'm in a state of manifestation. So one of the things I teach in my private coaching is creating something called your love mantra I have a technique and I've created my own love mantra, which um I might if I might share it with you guys on another video Okay, this is a manifestation. This is an intention. This is a mission statement. This is a prayer. This is an incantation I truly believe I will manifest her and what I will do is she'll probably knock on my door I I'm a on human design. I'm known as a projector. So I need to be invited in Marie invited me in and I and I opened the door. I made effort So I truly and I also don't believe in dating anymore. I believe in courting If if I listen three dates first phone call is a date The first meeting meet and greets a date then you have the real first date is the third time You're interact or the third time you're interacting with them If two people are like each other are attracted to each other and they feel like they want to be sexual together I don't believe in dating. I believe in courting. What I mean by courting is you have real Conversations you have radically honest conversations You lay your cards on the table you set the rules of engagement and you do it with intention You read my dating vows. By the way, there's a link to get my dating vows in there I believe in courting not dating dating dating is just a way to temporarily it's like shoe shopping I'm going to try on these pair of shoes and I'll walk on them for a while And then or I might take them by the way or I went to Nordstrom's I bought the shoes and I'm like I'm going to return them. That's the way dating is like shoe shopping. Okay It's just like shoe shopping Or worse. It's like going to Nordstrom's buying the shoes and then returning them. Okay after they've been warned That's what dating is. Okay courting is intentionality. It's purposeful Okay So But I have fully intent to manifest this person in my life. I I want to be able to brag about this I don't know. Is it gonna work? We'll see But I'm doing all the things like going to personal development where I'm going to the psychics and healers Fair later on today. I'm going to a book signing next Tuesday. I've someone who wrote a personal development book I'm getting out in the fucking world. That's what I'm doing. Just to name a few so jill. I hope I answered your question Thank you so much All right, coach. Amy. This might be the last. Oh um What are your thoughts of being told that wanting the type of relationship you describe which is similar to what I want means You shouldn't need someone else to validate you Well, I'm in agreement. You don't need someone to validate you But it's good to be in relationship with someone who acknowledges and validate you but needing it Means it's lack within yourself Now I'm a little bit needy I'm gonna own it Is it the leo in me? Yeah, I it's nice to compliment people. It's nice to acknowledge people It's good to validate, but you don't need, you know, and sometimes we have to verify if some by the way There's a big difference between validate and verify. Okay It is important to verify someone's feelings for you through their Acknowledgement of you and the validation of you We do need to verify this because why do we want to give our heart to a person who isn't Acknowledging and validating our feelings. It is paramount For a healthy happy relationship to have that going on. So anyway um All right folks, um cake career wants to say thank you jonathan. I love your advice I really do appreciate that folks. I appreciate you all for your kindness your care your love your generosity I don't appreciate the trolls but Um But I do appreciate all the kindness and I hope this resonates with you I hope You know by sharing a bit of my personal life by being vulnerable by being authentic by being transparent It it opens doors up for you That's my hope for everyone that i'm opening up doors for you to do the work just like i've done the work And i'm still doing the work. This is a forever Ending journey of work. This is why we come back and do it over and over and over again because That's the definition of insanity All right folks, I think this I'd like to hear your thoughts on this video Please post a comment below like to hear your thoughts and if you have something to share I do my best to read them all you did like this video Please hit that like button. Please share this video Please subscribe to my channel if you want to connect with me in the description of videos There's a link to schedule a discovery call with me to join my private group called midlife love mastery to get my dating vows It's all listed below Check out all the content I have there as well All right. I'm gonna wrap up this videos. I always do First off give myself a big gigantic jonathan bear hug I'm gonna reach into the camera excuse those armpits stains and give you a hug as well I'm as good to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank kerry and mermaid tails and be and co jamie and miss moody and Sharon and knotty kitten and kates and bear and pickles and val and jill and kates and linda and lisk And alison and beach lover everyone big hugs. Have a fab day. Be well. Thanks. Bye now