 Pamalee soap your beauty hope and luster cream shampoo for soft glamorous caressible hair bring you our miss Brooke starring Eve Arden While he's not the over demonstrative type most of the people who know biology teacher Phillip Boynton find him Friendly enough well to our miss Brooks who teaches English at Madison High School. He's also friendly, but not enough It isn't that mr. Boynton doesn't have his moment. It's just that I'm never around when he's having them Last Thursday morning as usual my landlady, mrs. Davis, and I were discussing this phenomenon at the breakfast table I can't understand it Connie you and mr. Boynton have been going together for quite a while now, haven't you yes? Indeed mrs. Davis Let's see we started dating the week he got his pet frog McDougal that was over two years ago You mean you two have been going steady for the past two years. That's right mrs. Davis I've been going steady with mr. Boynton, and he's been going steady with McDougal Those scientists are all alike so bashful there must be something you can do to stir him up Connie Oh, I've tried everything mrs. Davis. I've even backed him into the mix master Did you really Connie no, but it's not a bad idea Mr. Boynton is a lot like mr. Mitchell a scientist who used to take out my sister Angela She's terribly absent mind. Did you know yes? I know even more so than my brother Victor Although heaven knows he's forgetful enough to yes, you mentioned it to me mrs. Davis, but what about mr. Mitchell? Mitchell The scientist what scientist? The scientist who took out your sister Angela Imagine Angela out with a scientist and she never even mentioned it to me Maybe she forgot forgot that girl would forget her head if it wasn't tucked under her arm This is probably a mistake, but there's something I'd like to clear up You mentioned when we were both quite a bit younger a certain mr. Mitchell You said he was a scientist and that he was a lot like mr. Boynton He certainly was Connie now if you finished with breakfast I'll clear away the dishes That's what I like a story with no loose ends Present company accepted. Oh I'll get it mrs. Davis. That's probably Walter Denham. He's gonna give me a lift to school this morning All right, Connie see you after school Good morning, mr. Brooks why it's mr. Boynton come in. Oh, I haven't time this Brooks I've got to stop at a laboratory supply house before I get to school. I just wanted to return this notebook I found it in my lab yesterday your lab. Oh, yes, you left it there when you came to pick up the notebook You'd left the day before Getting pretty obvious maybe I'd better start forgetting my gloves. I Thought you might need it for your first class or I wouldn't have disturbed you so early Oh, you're not disturbing me mr. Boynton at least not any more than usual Are you sure you wouldn't like to come in for a minute? Oh, no, thank you, mr. Brooks I just heard that the supply house I deal with is a new batch of white mice. They just got in from Bolivia Well, shouldn't you give them a chance to unpack? Maybe I could go along with you I'll just leave word for Walter Denton that I'm riding to school with you Oh, but I'm not driving miss Brooks. It's such a beautiful day. I decided to walk. That's what I say I'll leave word for Walter that I'm walking to school with you You couldn't walk with me miss Brooks. I'm much too fast for you. Now. There's a nifty bit of overstatement Besides you you wouldn't like the atmosphere in a supply house all those mice and things Oh It's your cat. Hello, Minerva. She probably wants the address of that supply house Come here kitty She sure loves it when I hold her and tickle the back of her neck Move over Minerva I'll take her now go on inside Minerva. I'll give you some milk in a minute Run along now. Mr. Boynton's much too old for you You know seeing Minerva like this reminds me of a joke one of my students told me a joke Yes After class the other day little Sid Silvers came over to me and said mr. Boynton I know a lady who kisses cats and I said she kisses cats. What's her name? And he said Mrs. Cats What's the matter miss Brooks? Didn't you get it? Oh, I got it mr. Boynton. It's just that I've had all I want of it I'll be running along now see it school miss Brooks. You invited me to lunch today remember that's right It's my turn last time we went Dutch It's me Mrs. Davis I haven't gone yet. Oh, then that wasn't Walter Denton at the door No, it was mr. Boynton. He just stopped by to give me this notebook and to tell me about a lady who kisses cats Well, if there are any other ladies kissing cats, I think Mrs. Cat should know about it Please Mrs. Davis. It's just a joke. It's no joke to Mrs. Cat After all the years they've been married. Oh, that must be Walter now coming. Well, good morning Walter It's more than a good morning miss Brooks. It's a heavenly morning an exquisite morning a delicious morning Don't wrap it up. I'll eat it here Feel as if I've been dancing on a Sunbeam tiptoeing on a rainbow and waiting through a cloud Well wipe your feet and come in a minute Well, if it isn't Mrs. Davis Lovely Mrs. Davis scintillating Mrs. Davis Radiant Mrs. Davis What's the matter with him? I Don't know. He just got here. What are you so happy about this morning, Walter? It's Lamour miss Brooks Wonderful beautiful Lamour. Did you get a letter from her? What is all this? That's love miss Brooks. I can't sleep I can't eat. Oh, that's too bad Walter. I was just going to ask you if you'd like a little breakfast Oh, what have you got? Well, I could make you some nice waffles. I'm afraid there's no time for that Mrs. Davis We've got to get to school. Oh, it's of no consequence food is secondary at a time like this I'll just have a few eggs and some milk You see my breakfast was almost an hour ago poor kid. You must be starved Hey, that reminds me. I've got to give Minerva some milk, too. Let's go all go into the dinette Come along Minerva. Is there anything I can do to help you in the kitchen, Mrs. Davis? No, you just sit right down here and talk to miss Brooks and I'll have your eggs ready in a jiffy I you're a peach, Mrs. Davis. Well, thank you Walter. She is miss Brooks. She's a peach a wonderful I know a wonderful beautiful fuzzy old peach Now I wish you'd tell me whence comes this gaiety of spirit from whence. Oh from Harriet Conklin That's whence. Well, she's a pretty nice little whence She's more than nice miss Brooks. She's sensational and boy what a fight we had yesterday a fight Yeah, we almost came to blows. It'll be a long time before we have another fight like that one boy Well, what are you so happy about? I thought you were fond of Harriet. I'm crazy about her I see you're crazy about her. So you almost came to blows Hmm. Oh, don't you get it the more bitter the battle the sweeter it is making up You mean you actually pick fights just so you can patch it up later Harriet started this one It was sheer inspiration boy. You should have heard the name. She called me Well, I don't believe Harriet Conklin would call anyone names Walter It wasn't really Harriet. She was quoting your father. He hates me. You know Yes, I know Besides a good fight once in a while tends to make couples less sure of each other a person can't take another person for Granted if he or she is belting his or her brains out This boy is another Kirk Douglas Well, you excuse me for a minute. Walter. I'd like to get in the nerve of her milk. Oh, certainly miss Brooks Mrs. Davis Walters just give me a wonderful idea Mrs. Davis the trouble with mr. Boynton and myself is that we take each other for granted You take each other for granted with one exception. I don't take him for granted What I mean is if I could get him into a good fight He wouldn't be so sure of me and then to think of what fun that would be making up. I Think you've got something there Connie When are you going to pick this fight with mr. Boynton at lunchtime today? We have a date to meet in the cafeteria. Good for you Connie. It just goes to show you There's more than one way to skin a cat Eve Arden will continue in just a moment, but first here is Vern Smith for bear skin beauty It's bath size palm olive with its famous beauty ladder. Yes bath size palm olive for loveliness all over There's something fillingly new in this wonderful beauty ladder of vast size palm olive soap new fragrance new charm new allure See if palm olive in your daily tub or shower doesn't leave your shoulders arms and back Yes, all of you softer and smoother Completely lovelier all over You'll thrill to the tender whisper of perfume it leaves on your skin a whisper that says come hither to romance and this new Bath size palm olive is so big so thrifty Economical to use because it lasts so long and gives so much soft lovely lather so fast That soft lovely lather with its alluring new fragrance is palm olive soaps alone Palm olives famous beauty ladder Yes, a new fragrance new charm new allure that can make every woman a vision of delight in the new Revealing fashions that show so much more of you. So remember for bear skin beauty It's bath size palm olive with its famous beauty ladder. Yes bath size palm olive for loveliness all over Get bath size palm olive soap tomorrow men folk love it too As soon as the bell rang for lunch I hastened toward the cafeteria to start the battle of the century with my unwitting adversary mr. Boynham I must have been exceeding the speed limit for Madison's halls But just as I came abreast of the principal's office mr. Conklin flagged me well if it isn't Mel pattern Would you like us to put up some hurdles for you my dear? I'm sorry mr. Conklin I was just hurrying to get to learn obviously But I'll have to ask you to make a small detour. Would you mind loping into my office for a moment? Of course mr. Conklin Now sit down miss Brooks I've called you in to find out what you've done about Walter Denton and my daughter Harriet what I've done mr. Conklin Yes, yes a few weeks ago. I requested that you move him to the furthest possible spot from Harriet's desk Oh, I have mr. Conklin. They couldn't be any further apart unless one of them transferred to another school Well, I don't know what Harriet sees in that lame-brained dunce. Oh, he isn't so bad mr. Conklin It's just puppy love with Walter if I could be sure of that I'd buy him a lifetime supply of strong heart and build him a kennel with my own hand You should have heard them last night miss Brooks They were on our front porch till almost 11 o'clock Seems they had an argument in the afternoon and they spent over three hours Cooing and gurgling at each other like a brace of punch-drunk dove They were just making up after a little spat. Well, we've got to do something to make that spat a permanent one That's a pretty tough assignment mr. Conklin Don't you realize that nothing is as sweet as the reconciliation after a lover's quarrel? Why many couples pick fights just for the fun of making up. Yes. Yes Harriet's mother once started a quarrel with me Just to stir up some emotional activity Now that I think of it when we did make up it was rather wonderful Perhaps you'd better run along now miss Brooks. I have a phone call to make Oh Miss Brooks here. I am. Oh, hello, mr. Boynham. I've been holding this table for us. It's right near the food counter Well, if you're going to be sarcastic about my being a few seconds late, mr. Boynham, perhaps I'd better eat by myself But I wasn't being sarcastic miss Brooks. I just said there you go. You just said you're not interested in anything I might have to say I am what have you got to say what made you decide to sit so close to the steam table You always like to be near the food miss Brooks. Oh, that's right. Call me a glutton Next thing you'll be saying is that I stuffed myself so much. I'm getting fat as a horse. I wouldn't say anything like that miss Brooks You're just getting a little plump What's the matter with you today anyway, oh, that's right blame it all on me I come in prepared to have a perfectly friendly lunch and you immediately start picking on me I don't know how you can say a thing like that miss Brooks You mean you don't know how a person in her right mind can say a thing like that. That's what you were thinking. Don't deny it. Oh I get it. This is a rib Say you sure had me going for a minute there. I may have to bite him Rib mr. Boynham. Oh, excuse me folks, but I have a rather important message for miss Brooks What is it Walter? Oh, mr. Conklin wants to see you in his office right away. Oh, it's a shame You have to go now miss Brooks. You haven't had anything to eat in the lunch periods half over here You better have a few of these jelly beans jelly beans. Oh, yes, I carry them with me all the time They're almost pure sugar, you know and the dextrose contains in them is one of the best sources of quick energy known to science Here take a couple Sweets to the sweet they say that is the last insult. I'll take from you, mr. Boynham My chair Walter, but miss Brooks, I don't know what this is all about But I'm afraid I've got to interrupt mr. Boynham as manager of the track team I've called a special practice for after school. I thought you ought to know. Oh, you did well for your information Denton as coach of the track Team, I'm the only one entitled to call a practice. You don't have to get so excited about it I won't tell me how excited to get either. I'm not spicked enough with you kids. That's the trouble Well, sure you are mr. Boynham. I am not. Oh great with him me fight I Sent for me mr. Conklin. Yes, miss Brooks. I did I wanted to report to you the result of my adopting your suggestion my Suggestion yes, yes acting upon your conversational tip of a few moments ago I called my wife Martha and started an argument with her really mr. Conklin. Do you think it worked? I think so. Yes Miss Brooks, yes Martha has left me Left you how do you know? I was afraid I'd gone at it a little strongly in my first call So after a few minutes I rang my home again and the housekeeper told me that Martha had left the house with the valise a valise She did the same thing the last time we quarreled took off like a wounded buffalo for a mother's house in Toledo Well, if you say in my office miss Brooks, I'll try to head her off at the railroad station Oh, but my classes would carry it in charge miss Brooks. You'll have to wait until I return. Oh, I'm terribly sorry It worked out like this mr. Conklin, but I must say you're showing remarkable self-control. No time for recriminations now, miss Brooks However upon my return Mrs. Conklin, where are you? Well, I'm in the luggage shop miss Brooks a cottage at Kristen Lake a little early this year So I'm having one of my valise is repaired. Would you be good enough to call mr. Conklin to the phone? I'm afraid my voice isn't loud enough. Mrs. Conklin. He's at the railroad station Well, he thought you were peeved at him for having been nasty to you on the phone So when your housekeeper told him you'd left with a valise he presumed something drastic had happened like the time you were wounded and buffalo Well, he thinks you're on your way to your mother's house in Toledo. So I have Mrs. Conklin Well instead of rushing over to the station and explaining the misunderstanding I've a good old Mrs. Conklin. I feel partly responsible for what's happened I'm sorry if I thought I'm not a bitch. Oh, even bees have to stop making honey sometime I know but I've started the activity in the wrong hive Oh, he won't be back by then. I mean I Love to drop over Mrs. Conklin. Goodbye. Goodbye Miss Brooks, I'm surprised at you mr. Boyden. I didn't hear the door open the door was open I happen to be passing by and well, I couldn't help but overhear your conversation with Mrs. Conklin You heard it every word. Oh Well, I'll have a jelly bean now, mr. Boyden Frankly, I never dreamed you'd be a party to such an a therious plot miss Brooks for the first time in my life I'm really angry at you. You are yes. I certainly am Okay, so you're mad at me you want to make something out of it frog boy Don't you leap down to the pond and dunk your head under a lily pad? so You've been spying on me after school Microscope Succeeded in stirring up our first quarrel Why when I think of our principal wandering around the railroad station searching vainly for a wife who isn't there I'm I'm appalled what poor mr. Conklin must be beside himself. Oh not that mr. Boyden Even mr. Conklin couldn't stand another mr. Conklin I'm worried miss Brooks. It's almost 9 p.m. And still no word from Osgood. Maybe something's happened to him Maybe I'll never see him again. Oh, please mrs. Conklin. Take it easy. Well, how can I take it easy? How would you feel if you thought you were never going to see Osgood again? I rarely indulge in wishful thinking Now when mr. Conklin gets tired of looking for you, he'll come home Meanwhile, you must try to be cheerful. We've only daddy would phone if only we had some words some definite Oh the doorbell. Maybe it's Osgood. I'll get it. Oh, no mother if it is daddy You wouldn't want him to see with your eyes all red from crying. I'll get it. And no dear your eyes are red too But mother your eyes are redder than mine. No dear your eyes are much redder than mine You two red eyes will excuse me. I'll open the door Well, oh, it's you miss Brooks come in mr. Boyden Mrs. Conklin and Harriet are pretty worried. Please mr. Boyden. Don't keep us in suspense. Is there any new quickly? Mr. Boyden tell us. Oh, I'm afraid not. I checked the railroad station in the bus terminal But I saw no sign of mr. Conklin poor daddy Hold it Harriet wait for your mother Mr. Boyden, did you also check the airport? Yes, I did he wasn't there either Now both together stand there mr. Boyden pull up a life raft and sit down Oh, don't be discouraged mrs. Conklin. Maybe Walter Denham will come back with some more tangible news Oh, I hope he comes soon. This waiting is mad. Oh the doorbell. Maybe that's our good. I'll get it Oh, no mother. I'll get it if it is daddy. You wouldn't want him to see you. I've got it. I've got it Hi, I miss Brooks. Come in Walter. It's Walter Denham. Hello, Walter. Hello, Mrs. Conklin. Hello Harriet Hello, mr. Boyden. You can call the roll later, Walter What's the news? Yes, what did you find out Walter? Well? I checked the receiving hospital the emergency hospitals and also the Morgh and no luck That's all good. I'll get it. Oh, no mother. I'll get it if it is daddy. You wouldn't want him. Hello, mr. Conklin's residence Miss Brooks speaking. How do you do miss bro? Mr. Conklin? Mr. Conklin. Get daddy. I'll get you a five potty line Mr. Conklin, where are you? Of course she isn't she's right here. What? We'll put her on at once Yes, sir. Just a minute. He wants to talk to you, Mrs. Conklin He's at your mother's house in Toledo. In Toledo? Ohio. Toledo, Ohio? Zone 38. Here's the phone Miss Brooks, I don't dare tell him that I let him go on that wild goat goose chase Just a teeth and a lesson. You know his blood pressure I ought to. I helped give it to him. Here's the phone, Mr. Conklin. Talk to him Well, thank you. Hello, Osgood Well dear, when you picked a quarrel with me today, I really planned to go home to mother But I realized I just couldn't bear the thought of leaving you Yes, Osgood? You can start. Fuckering up Poor chariot. We still got some making up of our own to do All right. You've earned it, Mrs. Conklin. Today you were married Well, Miss Brooks, we seem to have this living room all to ourselves Shall we go to our corners and come out reconciling? Miss Brooks, I realize you really did nothing to gain my anger today and Well, in a situation like this, actions speak louder than words What are you driving at, Mr. Boyden? Miss Brooks? Pucker up. Yes, Mr. Boyden. And close your eyes Not me. I want to watch. Please close your eyes All right, Mr. Boyden. Well, how did you like it, Ms. Brooks? Wonderful, Mr. Boyden. The purple ones are my favorite jelly beans Beautiful luster cream girl Tonight show him how much lovelier your hair can look after a luster cream shampoo Only luster cream brings you K. Dumit's magic formula blend Of secret ingredients plus gentle lanolin Gives loveliness lather even in hardest water Glamorizes your hair as you wash it Luster cream not a soap not a liquid but a dainty cream shampoo Leaves hair fragrantly clean free of loose dandruff glistening with sheen Soft manageable gives new beauty to all hairdos or permanence Four ounce jar one dollar smaller sizes either tubes or jars Tonight try luster cream shampoo and be a Beautiful luster cream girl You owe your crowning glory to A luster cream shampoo And now once again here is our Ms. Brooks Well, after Mr. Boyden had fed me all the jelly beans I could swallow He walked me home through the park Ms. Brooks, there's something I've wanted to say to you all evening There he is I didn't want to embarrass you in front of the others but well Yes, Mr. Boyden The seams of your stockings are crooked Thanks a million, Mr. Boyden Oh, look over by that tree, Ms. Brooks It's a pendo dactylus same type of frog as McDougal Excuse me, Mr. Boyden Now you listen to me, you green-skinned, pop-eyed monster You have a lot of nerve croaking at people at this time of night This park isn't big enough for both of us, see Ms. Brooks, what are you doing? I'm picking a fight with this frog It's got to be more fun making up with him Next week, bring in to another Our Ms. Brooks show brought to you by Pamalee Scope Your beauty hope and mustard cream shampoo for soft glamorous caressible hair Our Ms. Brooks starring Eve Arden is produced by Larry Burns written and directed by Al Lewis with music by Wilbur Hatch Men, here is actual factual proof of more comfortable actually smoother shaves by using Pamalee's lather shaving cream 1,251 men tried the Pamalee lather waiter shave described on the tube and no matter how they shaved before three out of four got more comfortable actually smoother shaves Try Pamalee lather shaving cream See if you don't get more comfortable actually smoother shaves the Pamalee lather shaving cream way More mystery liberally sprinkled with laughs listen to Mr. and Mrs. North the exciting fun fact adventures of an amateur detective and his beautiful wife tune in Tuesday evening over most of these same stations and be with us again next week at the same time for another comedy episode of Our Ms. Brooks Bob LeMond speaking Stay tuned now for life with Luigi which follows over most of these stations This is CBS The Columbia Broadcasting